Why don't the mountains make me cry no more?
They don't sing the way they did before
They're just piles of stone as dead as bones
Like corpses on a field of war
And they just don't make me cry no more.
(a favorite singer/songwriter and dear personal friend of our family)
Recently, as we were driving along the freeway, a daily event, I glanced over at PIke's Peak, covered in snow, bright against the summer sky. I knew in my heart it was breath-taking, the kind of beauty that used to stop me as a teen and caused me to stir in my heart that "Someone" greater than me had crafted the beauty that was bigger than me. Gorgeous natural scenes used to touch and move deep feelings in my soul.
Yet, this day, I had a thought that it must be beautiful, but at the moment my heart felt stark cold as though untouchable, unable to access the places that beauty used to stir in my heart. Music is the poetry of our generation, the voice of our fears, thoughts, emotions, giving reality to what we store in our hearts. And so, this song reflected my own heart's words on this particular day. Why don't the mountains make me cry no more.
This passing thought reminded me of a year before when I had felt the same way. Sitting on the front porch, sipping tea in the late afternoon caught one of my kids and me creaking slowly in our white rocking chairs and trying to breathe in life. "Mama, I was so tired and worn to the bone when I came home from school this year, that I couldn't even feel how pretty everything was any more. It was like I was in a fog."
Remember when, as a little girl, you would see a shooting star or sit by the firelight of a bonfire and roast marshmallows or catch lightening bugs in the early dark of a summer's night and all was delight to your soul. Just being alive was exciting and every day had the possibility of something wonderful? Every child needs such times of wonder and innocence.
Yet, in the contemporary culture of constant reminders of terrible things happening in the world, our minds and hearts can take on the darkness and sometimes cover over the light, the beautiful.
When this happens, we must look inside to see what is happening inside our souls. Taking the temperature of our souls is essential to staying alive. I have felt so crowded in my life, at times, that I have hardly had room to breathe. Sometimes I know that the sunrise is beautiful, but my heart doesn't sing when I see it anymore. This is the moment I say, "No matter what, I will take time for rest for my soul, time alone, time away from machines, time for music and sleeping, and not answering the phone. Time for walks and lots of hot drinks, or a hot bath, or a moonlit walk under the stars.."
I have gathered delights that help me restore my own heart to wonder because I want to appropriately be childlike before Him to marvel, to breathe, to be amazed.
What helps you restore? What brings you back to your old true self? Keep stock of your heart now, so that you may stay alive to God.
"Guard your heart, for from it flow the springs of life." Proverbs 4:23
To spread light, life and joy through the walls of our home requires that we are storing it up. How is your soul this season? What steps do you need to take to fill it with life and beauty once again?