A Heart for Character

"Mom, can we plant my new flower seeds in my little garden?"

My sweet girl's brown eyes pooled as she looked up at me with longing and a shaky sort of hope. The past year's difficult transitions of moving across the country and trying to make new friends all seemed to show on her face. I knew immediately that this was one of those moments when I needed to stop all my own tasks and attend to her heart. 

As we sat together in the backyard with her little trowel and a packet of seeds, we began to talk about the way we would need to turn up the dirt so that flowers would have a healthy place to grow. Beneath a dry crust we removed little pebbles and surrounding weeds. 

"This is what Mary had to do too isn't, Mom? After she and Dicken found the door?"

She was recalling the narrative from one of our most beloved stories- The Secret Garden. 

"Yes, it is!" Everything was dry and tangled and probably full of weeks when they found the garden. They had to be very patient while they prepared the earth so that things could grow." I paused and then felt led to continue...." You know the real work in the garden was softening all the soil and all that pruning. Remember how in the story everything began to bloom as Mary's heart heal?"

Mary Lennox, the protagonist of the famous children's book, was just like the garden. Grieving and neglected, the little girl's heart was hard like ground that had gone un-tended.  She had closed herself off just like the garden wall had sealed off its beauty, but as she began to see to the care of beauty, she herself became beautiful. 

My sweet daughter, only 9 years old, was feeling the pangs of loss and not sure how to fit in to her surroundings. I feared she might close herself off to the possibility and beauty of something new. But here we were, talking about how hearts gently unfurl, and as we planted the tiny seeds we prayed together for hope to grow just like the flowers. It was a moment recently when I realized the power of story in her life. The way a literary example had stirred both my child's imagination and her faith. Her character was being shaped in the moments that we shared in the dirt together, but a seed had been planted long before that connected her heart to that moment, and to the possibility of what God could do in her young life when she brought her dry and hurting places into the presence of the Master Gardener.

Character, we are told, is often caught, more than taught, and so it is so important for us to provide our children with examples in literature, in history and of course, in Scripture. What we pour into their hearts in this way are like small seeds, watered by our love and attention, activating an imagination that take root in their heart. These seeds will be tended over time by our instruction and correction, by opportunities for weeding and pruning in the garden of their hearts. And over time, we begin to see beauty in the garden as their character grows and develops.

One of my favorite quotes on the matter of character is from Abraham Lincoln. He famously said,

"Character is like a tree, and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing."

Behavior is shadow. It is the tree that is the real thing. That is healthy or unhealthy.

The tree is the heart.

What seeds are being planted that will grow into the real thing in your child's life right now? Is it the kind of tree that when it is fully grown will cast pleasant shadows on hot days, and go before them as a reputation that glorifies God? A regal oak begins as small acorn. Great things often start very small. And the small work, little by little that you put your hands to today, are a valuable work of creating a great forest.

Developing character can often feel like a mysterious charge, and so in today's podcast Sally and I are talking more about this, why character is a gift of heart that we must give to our children before they leave home, and we are sharing some of the ways we have found to awaken a moral imagination in our children and reach their hearts. All of the favorite books we discuss are even linked up below in this post (yeah for books!)

We are praying for you as you tend to the hearts of your families today. You are dear to us!

Much love,

Kristen Kill

Episode #86

"He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much." -Luke 16:10

" I hope I shall possess firmness and virtue enough to maintain what I consider the most enviable of all titles, the character of an honest man."

-George Washington

In this episode, Sally and Kristen get at the heart of godly character, and how it is cultivated, inspired and tended to in the lives of our children. They discuss how to really reach the hearts of our children when they fail (not in the heat of the moment!) and how to create opportunities in your home that invite confession and repentance. They also share some of their favorite literary examples that have helped them along the way. Their favorites are here for you to see below (if you are on itunes or receiving this via RSS feed in your email, click over to sallyclarkson.com to see them all prettied up) 

Then Kristen is joined by Misty Krasawski who shares how she walks side by side with her children each day, providing organic opportunities for training them and inspiring their imagination through story. 

This week's Bible Memory pdf is available here: Week Three Bible Memory

Misty Krasawski is wife to Rob and mama to eight precious children plus two beautiful daughters-in-law. She spends her free time (!) trying to avoid the laundry by reading classic books, painting watercolors, lighting too many candles, baking copious amounts of cookies, and studying as much theology as she can lay her hands on. She loves encouraging people to chase the dreams God has placed in their hearts, preferably over steaming cups of tea and coffee and probably something chocolate. You can find her writing (when the laundry's done) at It's A Beautiful Life .

Misty Krasawski is wife to Rob and mama to eight precious children plus two beautiful daughters-in-law. She spends her free time (!) trying to avoid the laundry by reading classic books, painting watercolors, lighting too many candles, baking copious amounts of cookies, and studying as much theology as she can lay her hands on. She loves encouraging people to chase the dreams God has placed in their hearts, preferably over steaming cups of tea and coffee and probably something chocolate. You can find her writing (when the laundry's done) at It's A Beautiful Life .

Find some of the books we've discussed this week here ...