Autumn Quietly Reminds us that Life is Quickly Passing By & Podcast

Overwhelming, take your breath away, beauty on my walk in Oxford this week.

Autumn is my favorite season of the year.

The chill crisp air washed with the golden light beams smiles at my child heart that still hopes for excitement and possibility in my days. The vibrantly painted leaves wrap a love song around my heart and whisper of His playful invitation to find Him while he dances about in the light and shadows of my late afternoon walks.

As I breathe in the beauty and take time to look and hear, signposts of life are surrounding me everywhere. The leaves that were so green and flourishing a few weeks ago, are now drying and falling to the ground to make room for another year, another harvest in the future. The changing weather whispers, “change is coming, your days are shorter than they used to be.” With each leaf swirling delicately toward the ground, are reminders that we all have limitations to the story we live in life, I see the autumn more clearly than ever before.

You will not have this season ever again to invest in, to pour out your life, to store up wisdom, to patiently serve others. This is the message of fall, time passes.

My life is changing and I must recognize the way that time marches on.

I don't have as much time left to invest love, kingdom messages, and worship of God as I used to have--

My children are grown and I cannot take them into my lap, tell them a bedtime story or have them come to me for all their needs, questions or decisions.

We are very close, best of friends, by God's grace. but now, they help me, counsel me. I wait for their calls--they do not do my bidding anymore, they make their own choices of how to invest their time, love and messages.

What a season of delight to have had my home full of giggles, discoveries, while I was the centerpiece of life. What a gift to be a mother and to embrace the season of raising my children, who are now the best work of my whole life.

With all seasons, God speaks to us through nature and His own visual art. In splendid glory and bursting color, autumn teaches us that life is always changing. Life and this season right now, is about to change. Life passes quickly and the autumn of any part of our lives reminds us that one more year, journey, season is about to pass. Another season is gusting and whirling quickly forward to blow away the leaves and to bring the stark reality of another season, its own beauty and its own limitations.

We will never have this year, this day, this moment in which to invest again—it will be fleeting and over, as one autumn marks another year soon to be past.

The beauty of the dry, dying leaves reminds us that the glory of the season is almost gone, and so we must do our best to cherish the days if we are to be wise.

Today is the day in which I may pour out love by writing a note, making a call, serving a cup of tea, praying for one I love. Perhaps this is the day I might bring inspiration, Serving and touching hearts, Pointing in this moment of glory, the divine creator. Teaching what is true and right and good, Modeling faith, forgiveness, mercy and unconditional love.

The ministry of motherhood must be personal—back rubs, giggles, eyes really seeing into the face and soul of the one being listened to, words of affirmation and trust, and prayers before the throne of God diligently whispered from a heart that knows only He can create the life of Christ inside the very ones I serve…

May we understand, computers and social media waste so much time, cell phones can rob us of the facial expression, the hand held, the warm embrace or moment together watching the sunset; and chores are never more important than those they serve.  Frenzied activity sucks up time and steals light and life from the real, right in front of us, little one needing the planting of love, and faith, hope and truth.

A real little human being requires the nourishment of real love poured out daily, gentleness served up with a willing heart and the attentiveness of an adult who is willing to serve. These little ones must have our healthy gift of love, time and patience, as a flower needs real water, and sunshine over and over again if it is going to bloom to its fullest potential, so those in our lives need the sunshine of our words of blessing and the water of our coming along side them day after day.

I think I will find some way today to encourage my own precious ones—a phone call, an email, a message to lift them up today.When this day is past, I must hope that I have used it well and invested wisely because I will never have it to live over again, and soon, very soon, the autumn of motherhood will remind us, that this season of planting and harvesting is almost over.

I wish you blessings of wisdom as you measure your minutes and days,

Grace as you choose what will last for eternity in the minds and hearts of those who will carry you with them in their hearts the rest of their lives.

Today, I am praying for you, because this day, this season, matters so much.

Take time to notice the miraculous, to hear the music, to dance to the joy that today might bring and to rest in the endless love of one who is preparing a feast for us in the not too distant future.

What Is Most Important: Loving God (Our 24 Family Ways #1)

24 Family Ways #1

"We love and obey our Lord, Jesus Christ, with wholehearted devotion."

Memory verse: "And He said to them, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all of your heart and with all of your soul and with all of your mind.' This is the great and foremost commandment." Matt. 22:37-38

Rainbow light shone through a multi-colored stain glass window which looked like it was a passage to heaven. Our normally wiggly, chattery clan became silent as they walked into the lovely chapel and heard the quiet music wafting up to the very rafters where the light was shining through. Oddly enough, the beauty, formality and music hushed them and they sat mostly reverently through the hour-long service.

"Mama, you felt like you had to be quiet 'cause everything was so special, pretty, and respectful," piped one of my little ones, when asked what they thought of the new church we visited.

This was the first time our family had ever attended such a formal service together, and it was enlightening to see what the effect the sacred place of exquisite design and beauty had on the attitudes of my children.

Almost every time I read a story about someone who saw the glory of God, the effect of His blinding splendor was that they bowed down in fear, in reverence, hiding their eyes from the glory of God. The starting point for any real training must be a reverence, respect, and proper awe of God, Himself.

The first "way" of Our 24 Family Ways is about learning to see the sacred, and to honor things that are holy. If we do not learn to understand that some things are special and set aside as a picture of great and intrinsic worth, designed to show the eminence and infinity of God's glory in our own homes and lives, we will never learn to honor God.

Honor of God begins with an honor of what is holy in our lives. All people are made in God's image, so they are sacred and have great worth in eternity. Marriage, the commitment of two people to enter into a union and pledge before God of faithfulness is sacred and holy.

Many things that used to be considered sacred--human life, the elderly, churches and burial grounds, people in position of authority and accomplishment, parents, marriage, teachers, public figures--all of these are often torn apart, ridiculed, and devalued in contemporary culture. When every vestige of truth can be ridiculed, cynicism runs so rampant that no one can believe in innocence, modesty, or sincerity anymore.

At this time in history, where very little is considered sacred or holy, we must seek diligently to create not just knowledge of what the word holy means, but to place tangible practices in our lives where we and our children come to learn that some things are sacred and set apart and deserve our reverence and worship.

Honor starts with the respectful ways we treat others in our home--the way we speak to our children with respect, the way we give our attention to and interact with our husbands, the way we treat strangers or others who come across our paths.

When we learn to give value to others by serving them, we will be much more likely honor God--and honoring God is the first commandment. Loving God and honoring Him with our whole hearts is the starting place for appropriate worship, which says He is worthy of our praise and service our whole life long. Honor is a heart attitude.

Most of our churches are places where there is casual dress, talking and chattering, informal behavior, so much so that the behavior and jokes told and manners of most people could not be differentiated from the behavior they would display at a restaurant or in any other casual place.

We make fun of our Presidents and leaders and feel no guilt or twinge of conscience for voicing every sort of opinion on Facebook. We criticize our preachers and leaders. In the name of "freedom," we excuse any kind of behavior and speech, with no sense of propriety or restraint. If there is nothing sacred in our lives, then how do we hope to pass on a sense of awe, Godly fear and respect to our children?

How have you instilled reverence and devotion to God in your children? 

Have you seen things that have intrinsic eternal value degraded in the culture of your world?

Name several ways you can establish a practice of valuing the sacred in your own life.

Our 24 Family Ways: A Family Devotional Guide

By Clay Clarkson

Fall Is Here! Fun Recipes for Your Lifegiving Table

Fall! It's officially here, with drifting leaves and renegade snowflakes announcing the beginning of the cozying-in season.

It's the time I like to light candles, cuddle up with a book with my sweet ones or by myself and take time to breathe in the beauty of crisp weather, golden and maroon leaves dancing slowly to the ground, and a breeze swirling around gently reminding that life is changing, days are marching toward another year. This is a time to take hold of moments and remember how precious each day is.

Now, I have become so much more organic and natural with each passing year in my tastes for cuisine. Yet, there are certain celebrations that speak "home" to our family which we take time for at least once a season--sugar and all. 

I hope autumn is a favorite of yours, too. While most of us enjoy lots of outdoor time and trips away over the summer, it seems everyone turns their thoughts toward home a bit more come fall. Here are a few ideas to help you add some fall flavor to your home.

I have a recipe of real warm cider using lots of juices and cinnamon  sticks but this one is a sort of "cheaters" recipe, easy to throw together at the drop of a hat when company surprises you. 

Sally's Secret Cinnamon Cider

* 1 gallon apple cider
* 1 cup-1 bag of red hot candies (choose your flavor level, wink!*)

Pour the apple cider into a large saucepan. Add as many of the red-hots as you think you'll enjoy! Stir together on the stove over medium heat until hot. That's it! So much easier than bundles of spices, yummy, and makes your house smell amazing. I make the cider the real way, too, but when I have my Bible study crowds, I use this simpler recipe instead, as it is fast and goes a long way! My mom used to do this!

There are also wonderful mulling bags at Whole Foods; I place one bag in a cup of warmed organic apple juice for my sweet ones and sit by the fire and soak in being with them.

Caramel Apples

These may seem tricky, and they're very expensive at the fairs and candy shops, but you can make your own quite easily! Only three ingredients:

* 6 firm apples (green Granny Smiths are great, as their tart taste balances the caramel's sweetness)
* 1 pkg individually wrapped caramels
* 2 Tbs. water

aaaannnnddd ... that's it! Of course, you also need wooden craft sticks of some sort (sometimes they come in the bag, or check the craft store!)

Prepare first a cookie sheet or tray by covering it with tin foil which you then spray or butter. This will give you a place to put the dipped apples and an easy way to get them into the fridge for "setting time." Insert wooden sticks about 3/4 into the stem end of apples. Unwrap caramels and place into saucepan; add the 2 Tbs. water and melt over medium heat, stirring smooth. Holding apples by wooden sticks, dip into caramel, turning to coat evenly and scraping off excess on side of pan if necessary. Place apples on greased foil, then refrigerate for 30 minutes to an hour.

If you do want to get fancy, a shake of chopped nuts or candy leaf sprinkles while the caramel is still soft, or even a drizzle of melted chocolate after it sets can take them up a notch!
My mama also did this every year and I thought she was a gourmet cook! :)

How are you enjoying fall this year? For more cozy recipes be sure to check out The Lifegiving Table!

The Lifegiving Table: Nurturing Faith through Feasting, One Meal at a Time

By Sally Clarkson

Raising Boys to be Good Men With Nathan Clarkson & Podcast

Nathan Clarkson & me!

"The only thing necessary thing for the triumph of evil is for good women (men)  to do nothing."

Edmund Burke

We have all probably heard the quote above many times, but still, it is so true. Passivity is a form of rebellion. It is a choice we make when we say, “I won’t follow my ideals. I will not help. I can’t give. I won’t serve. I refuse to get my hands dirty or to live sacrificially.”

Either we are engaged in the battle or we are quitters. There are times for rest, for regrouping, for restoring or renewing a vision. But to choose to be passive about serving God or standing up for what is right is to reject being responsible.

Obviously I cannot speak to every situation in one small blog. But we observe in our culture that there are very few “Stand Out” heroes for our boys to follow. Yet, I think deep in the heart of most every little boy is a hero waiting to be let out.

A few weeks ago, I was flying back home from Chicago and I was riding a train from the concourse to the terminal. A older woman stepped on the train just in front of me. Immediately a little boy about 9 years old jumped up from his seat and said, “Would you like to sit here? I don’t mind.” Immediately a small host of men riding together cheered spontaneously. “Woohoo! Way to go! What a great guy!” They proceeded to pat the little one on his back. I think the little boy will never forget the cheering he received for being thoughtful as a “man”.

We have the ability to call our own little boys (and girls) to their best selves. We need only look inside their hearts to see the courage, nobility, kindness, generosity that wants to be expressed through their lives.

Today, Nathan and I talk about what it looks like to be a good man and how to shape your boys’ hearts so that they will grow in their self-image to wanting to be a good man in their generation—a good man who is willing to be a part of bringing God’s goodness and light and morality back into a culture that longs to be led and taught.

Jesus was getting to this “useless” sort of passivity through the metaphors he shared in this passage.

"You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt has become tasteless, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled under foot by men. "You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house.…"Matthew 5:13-1

I know many of you are new to my blogs and podcasts. Nathan and I get letters almost every day about how our book has encouraged them in seeing their children who have such different personalities and issues with an eye for viewing their potential and calling them to live into a great story. You can get it in many bookstores.



By Sally Clarkson, Nathan Clarkson

A Different Kind of Hero: A Guided Journey through the Bible’s Misfits

By Sally Clarkson, Joel Clarkson

Nathan recently wrote another book!

Wonder Catching: Thoughts, prayers, and poems, on love, life, and God

By Nathan Clarkson

Personal Integrity & The 24 Family Ways Intro & podcast

Integrity: The quality of being strong and having strong moral principles; having soundness and wholeness in faith, word and deed.

As we observe the landscape of leaders in our country, sometimes it is difficult to find a very many who stand out as wise, strong, morally true, sound—those who have true integrity. Yet, our hearts long for stories of those who are brave and good; those who sacrifice their lives for the good of others, who are trustworthy and true.

Integrity is something that is embraced and developed over time. It must be taught, practiced, lived to grow strong and vibrant. When Clay and I dreamed up the 24 Family Ways when our children were young, we wanted them to have strong foundations of godly character and an understanding of what it meant to please God so that they could develop integrity. Integrity must be taught, practiced, modeled.

The next Mondays of my podcast will be mostly devoted to reviewing a 24 Family Way for you as adults and for you to ponder as you teach them to your children. I would encourage you to get your own copy and teach them to your children. We went through the Ways 3 times with our children before they left our home. I hope it will be of great encouragement to you to practice and develop integrity in your own life.

I have learned the most about integrity by pondering my walk with God, searching my heart for attitudes that are not worthy of His love for me, seeking direction from His word, is a yearly foundational search of my heart.

We live in a world that, from the beginning, cares what people think. Seeking to keep up with the "Joneses" is age old. But scripture is so very clear that God wants our focus, our love, our heart to be on Him first and then our obedience to the very values of his heart.

Surrounded by a world that gives us permission to be self-centered, we glance at ourselves and all of our pictures on facebook, cell phones, listening for that little bing that says someone has thought of us---Hey, everybody, want to look at me and notice what I am doing and comment on my blog and give me higher numbers if I give things away and, and, and..........

We become our own idols and strive for recognition and affirmation. It is not wrong to desire to be loved and to belong. But Jesus meant for us to find our meaning in  our family, our community of believers, those we serve in our own day to day lives. We were meant tie our lives to flesh and blood people who we spend our lives to help, so that we can better understand Him, who spent all for our sakes.

In the story of the Good Samaritan, Jesus tells of the lives of those who could pontificate and argue the law and wear the robes of righteousness, and yet, he exposes their worthlessness to God by their heart of neglecting those who really needed redemption--the man caught by robbers, left for dead, beside the road.

But really, who has time to give to such a person--we have our appointments, our priorities, articles for blogs, our day-timers and schedules to keep.

"Just a minute, can't you see I am doing something important!" I ,I, I, .... the endless I and me, me, me..........

"Let not a wise man boast of His wisdom, let not a rich man boast of his riches, let not a mighty man boast of his might, but let him who boasts, boast of this, that He understands and knows me, for I delight in these things." Jeremiah

"He who keeps his life will lose it, but he who gives his life will find it."

And yet, as I read His words over and over again, I understand anew, it matters little what others think of me, if God is not at the center of my desire to live for His glory and the focus of my actions in serving others, as He did.

And so this week and really this summer, I am searching again to find, how I need to reorder my life to please Him, what is the work He has given me to do, how may I invest in real people with real needs, so that His loving touch will reach those in my culture.

What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses his soul?

And then, when I live in true integrity of following hard after Him, my children find the real him living in my home--not philosophy or curriculum or denomination or rules--the the real Christ who lays down His life, shepherds the sheep of his fold, the servant king who cares about real people.

True personal integrity comes from following hard after Him and obeying and loving obeying what He has called me to do.

What does integrity look like to you?

Our 24 Family Ways (2010)

By Clay Clarkson

This is not the Life I Expected & Part 2 Podcast

It’s so common for moms to feel overwhelmed by the demands of life; from breakfast to bedtime we are meeting other people’s needs. Sometimes the sheer quantity of demands can make us want to stay in bed with the covers over our heads!

And of course there are all the larger issues we face. We live in an imperfect world filled with disappointments, devastation, and difficulty. Without hope, our lives can feel purposeless sometimes. In my own life, I have struggled with hardships I never could have seen coming. My heart has been broken, my faith has been tested, and I have had to push myself in ways that I couldn't have imagined. Circumstances will come our way, and we will always have a choice to make. We can choose to give up, or we can choose hope.

Hope it not just wishful thinking. Hope is an assurance that our King has ultimately won the raging battle. Hope teaches us that this is the broken place, where we have the honor of believing Him who is fighting on our behalf.

This was from my thoughts a number of years ago,

""We live in an imperfect world filled with disappointments, devastation, and difficulty. Without hope, our lives can feel purposeless sometimes. In my own life, I have struggled with hardships I never could have seen coming. My heart has been broken, my faith has been tested, and I have had to push myself in ways that I couldn't have imagined. Circumstances will come our way, and we will always have a choice to make. We can choose to give up, or we can choose hope.

Hope it not just wishful thinking. Hope is an assurance that our King has ultimately won the raging battle. Hope teaches us that this is the broken place, where we have the honor of believing Him who is fighting on our behalf." ~ Sally Clarkson

Remember, you may go your whole life having "bad feelings." Sometimes things are so hard and may never change--a "Different" child who will never be totally rid of their issues, who are hard day after day; a marriage partner who has wounded you and may never be emotionally whole; some wounds you have that may revisit you or give you regret, and so on. 

There have been many times I have given a very difficult issue or relationship into God's hands and then found at a later time, the same issue or sadness needed to be yielded all over again. But I have made progress, I have grown, I have developed sympathy and humility for others, and I have seen God's faithfulness, even though some of my sad feelings might just come back from time to time. 

God cares so much for you and all of the burdens you carry and wants you to know He has compassion and sympathy for you. Just know that your perseverance in faith and being faithful pleases His heart and He understands how you feel. Do not feel guilty about feeling bad for difficult things--that is a proper response. But choosing to take joy and seek to light candles in the darkness so to speak will help you make it through. And the hope that every day of your faithfulness matters will keep you going forward. 

Join Misty and me for this 2 part discussion on hanging in there even when you want to give up.

This is Not the Life I Expected! It is So Hard #1 podcast

Do not fear, for I am with you! Do not anxiously look about you,  For I am your God! I will strengthen you, I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.  

Isaiah 41: 10

Seems so many sweet ones that I get letters from are living overwhelmed, weary, distraught and feeling a failure. How I identify with such women as I look back through the journey of my life. My life has not been what I thought it would be. Being an intentional mother was harder than I could ever imagine and a longer journey than I understood. Staying faithful and giving up my rights in marriage is more challenging than I ever thought it would be. Finances have been difficult; good community in church has been hard to find, things fall apart, Christians are sometimes disappointing and the world is falling apart. 

I wish I had understood and known that life would be such a battle when I had started out with my ideals. If I had been prepared to be a warrior, I might have not struggled as much. But I was not prepared or trained to handle real life and certainly had no realistic expectation of what marriage and motherhood would require of me. I just supposed that I would easily be happy, and that I would handle the struggles with ease. And then I came up against my own limitations.  

Yet, I can also see that as I met with God and studied scripture I would have the strength to pursue my faith ideals one more day, as it seemed like God never allowed me the grace to give up when I felt like I couldn't go on. 

 Recently we had lunch with some of our very dearest friends and they related to us a story. A sweet young couple had decided to kayak from Maine down to Florida. They planned their trip, got sponsors to support them, and blogged and wrote about their trip. With all of the seasons and storms, it took them a year to finish their trip. 

Storms of great magnitude arose amidst their journey, and would send the waves crashing all around them. Often the rain would pelt continuously on their weary bodies and soak them to the bone. Discouragement would overwhelm them and they would think, "Why did we undertake this? We will never finish. It is too difficult. No one can do it!"

One time, however, in the midst of one such storm, they made a pact with each other. "We will never make a decision to quit when we are in the midst of a rain storm." 

A simple, but profound commitment. I decided that this was a statement worth following. 

So many dear friends are surrounded by storms in their lives right now--economic, illness, weariness, loneliness, no support systems or anyone to help; difficult marriages, prodigal children, fear of the future, despair because of the times we are in, ......... The list goes on and on. 

I have been through so many storms in my own life when I felt I could not go on---3 out of 4 asthmatics with constant illness and emergency room situations; 17 moves and loneliness; 4 children to homeschool and very few or no support systems over the years and years of exhaustion; stress in finances, ministry, marriage, "giants" within our family that caused great difficulty and despair, about which I may never write, because I believe in honor and loyalty in family relationships.

Often, I would think, "I cannot go on. My circumstances will turn out for the worst. There is no hope. Where has God gone."

And yet, it is in the midst of the storms of life, that our faith is most precious. It is in these times when we can say to Satan, "You would have me fear, but I choose to believe in the goodness of God and in His provision."

I love the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. Nebuchadnezzar had commanded them to bow down to the serve his idols and to worship them. The three godly men refused to bow down to his gods. The king then said that he would throw them into the fiery furnace and there would be no one to deliver them. 

This is the threat of Satan, "There will be no one to deliver you." 

Yet, their response is what I desire to be the response of my own heart, "Our God whom we serve, is able to deliver us from the furnace of blazing fire, ..., but even if He does not, let it be known to you, Oh king, that we are not going to serve your gods." Daniel 3 gives the story.

Of course the result is that the great king found out who was really God and made a proclamation to the whole land of God's greatness and never ending kingdom.

We are told very clearly in scripture that difficult times will come. We know from the warnings of scripture that at the end of the times, earthquakes will increase--and so they have. We know that many Christians will be persecuted all over the world. Great economic troubles, shaking our foundations as we know them, have been predicted  and are coming true before our eyes. That as Paul has told us, immorality and wickedness and godlessness will be rampant. We know from Revelation that, Satan, knowing his time is short, is pouring out great wrath. (Revelation 12:13)

This, then, could from God's eyes of history, be one of the finest hours for Christians to stay true, to be faithful until the end, to endure hardship, to rejoice in His reality, to live by faith, "assurance of things hoped for, convictions of things not seen."

When I was working in Communist countries many years ago, where there were constant persecutions and imprisonments, I was so surprised to see the fervor of so many Christians in their worship of God and their delight in His reality, their praise of Him in music was heavenly. I asked an old woman about it and she said to me, "You Americans have had so much heaven on earth, that you have not known what it is to long for and hope for the heavenly Kingdom of God, where righteousness will rule, where our real longings will be satisfied, and we will see our precious Lord face to face." 

And so, when our hearts are surrounded with fear and discouragement in the storms of life, let us look to the face of Jesus, our king, our savior and our Lord. He is with us. He will not abandon us. He will carry us through. Today is the best time, to believe, to hold fast, to worship by faith and to rest in His strength.

He is coming. We don not know when, but  if He has seen fit to "born" us into these times, then these times are the best place where we have the opportunity to live our story of faith, which will be a testimony for eternity, that He is our trustworthy God. 

May our hearts be as David's,

"The Lord is my light and salvation; Whom shall I fear.

The Lord is the defense of my life; Whom shall I dread? 

When evildoers came upon me to devour my flesh, My adversaries and enemies,

they stumbled and fell.

Though a host encamp against me, My heart will not fear.

Though a war arise against me, 

In spite of this I shall be confident." Psalm 27: 1-3

Today, He would say to us, "Fear not, for I am with you. Be not anxious, for I am your God."

Today, may His love, strength, wisdom, and overcoming spirit be ours. May He give you the grace to keep going with a heart that says, "I believe this is the pathway God would have me follow, He will give me the grace to persevere and to finish well."

Girls Club Getaway Registration is Open! Join me, Sarah and Joy!

Woohoo! Today is the opening of our registration to our GirlsClubGetaway! Registration will begin at midnight Colorado time. The girls and I cannot wait for you to come be with us. 

Our weekend gatherings over all the years have been life-transforming, emotionally uplifting, spiritually engaging and have given thousands of women all over the world a new vision for life. 

It is so very wonderful at this season of my life to be able to share the platform of our getaways with my two girls. They have amazing messages, wisdom and encouragement stored up from years of gathering into their souls and you will be so encouraged just by hearing them and being with all of us. 

Don't wait too long! Our capacity is limited and we think we might just fill up quickly and we don't want to disappoint anyone. 

Registration is HERE @ http://sallyclarkson.com/girls-club-getaway

Looking forward to seeing you in February and celebrating women, community, friendship and all the good things that happen when women are together in authentic fellowship. 

Register HERE: http://sallyclarkson.com/girls-club-getaway

Ideals versus Reality for Mamas

“Ideals" is practically my middle name. And it reaches into nearly every area—I’m idealistic about faith, about romance, about life! Every area, that is, except one: I didn't have any ideals about being a great mother. Honestly, I was one of those women who just didn't think about having children or mothering them. Having only older brothers meant I never lived with babies,  and I only remember babysitting about twice in my whole life—and that, under duress.

Now, if I had been a mothering/baby-oriented sort, I would have been idealistic about that, too. Honestly, though, what could be so hard about having a baby? I figured that as a fairly mature Christian (I had been in ministry for eight years, and missions at that!) I should also be a fairly mature mom.

Fast forward, a few years into marriage. Living in Southern California was such a challenge for me as a young mother of two young children. Clay worked 65-80 hours a week, I didn't know many women in my area, and I had almost no "mother" friends. Our families lived halfway across the United States and I was exhausted all the time. It didn't help that I was pregnant with my third child and struggled with morning sickness for six months.

After straightening up my house one afternoon, I poured bubble bath into my oversized double sink with Sarah, 4, on one side and Joel, just under 2, in the sink next to it. I gave each of them small plastic cups to use in the warm, bubbly water to play with and hoped for a bit of reprieve for myself.

"This will hold them for at least 30 minutes and I can get a break," I thought as I waddled to a chair nearby.

All of a sudden, 22-month Joel stood up straight in the sink. With a very exuberant smile from cheek to cheek, he screamed in delight and started scooping bubbles and water out of the sink and onto the floor as fast as he could, having a merry old time. He was just being an exuberant, happy little boy.

Something in me burst, and I started screaming at him with vein-popping intensity. "What are you doing? You are making a mess all over my floor! Stop it. Don't you know you are making a mess? Don't you know how tired I am?" The lecture had evidently been stored up for months, and I just kept going and going in anger and frustration.


My stunned, happy, easy-going boy plopped down (making another big splash on my floor) and looked at me with wide, sad eyes and then just started crying and crying and crying, as though I had wounded him for life.

All of a sudden, I felt soooooooo awful! What had happened to me? Where had this kind of anger come from? Here was my gentle Joel, my cuddly one, who was doing nothing wrong but just being a darling little toddler.

Shame poured over me in waves. Sarah looked at me in fear. The fun I had planned was totally spoiled. Everyone was crying. And all afternoon, I shook my head over the incident. How could someone who called herself a mature believer lose it like that? I was not worthy to be a mom. What would my friends think? What would Clay think if he had heard me being so irrational?
Darkness seemed to cover my whole being in disappointment with myself. I knew I had been wrong and impatient; that my son had done nothing wrong. He had been so delighted in his bubbles and then .....!!!!!

As a young mom, I had absolutely no idea what to expect. I had three children in less than five years. I had never been trained to take care of children, to change diapers, to nurse a baby, to miss hours of sleep for months at a time; or anything else that was required, and had almost no knowledge of what it looked like to be a "good" mother. Of course I read as much as I could, but the books didn't cover everything. And then there were so many formulas, and so many differing voices!

Scripture, though, became my saving grace. I would pray and pray that God would help me--and little by little, He started building in me a philosophy of parenting, motherhood, and home building; generation-inspiring messages, and I found grace and freedom as I slowly grew.

As I sought Him, and followed what I believed was the way of wisdom in parenting my children, by faith, I began to really, really fall in love with my children, with who they were, and the deep call of motherhood. This took years, and for me it was never easy. But my home began to become a place of deep happiness and fulfillment. It was not from seeking the fulfillment of ideals, but from seeking Him and His wisdom and seeing His love and patience with me.

"Even as a father has compassion on His children, so the Lord has compassion on you." Psalm 103

I wish I had known ahead of time that motherhood was a place of battle and growth.
If only I had understood that there were no perfect moms and that all moms, including good moms,  became frustrated, sinned and were selfish, and succumbed to exhaustion. If only I had not wasted so much time on guilt and inadequacy, but instead focused on seeking to enjoy life with my children more.

I wish I had known that all mamas get angry, that messes happen on a daily basis; that's the norm--it is nothing to get upset about! I wish that I had understood that children are pre-wired to behave like children and do toddler-ish, baby-ish, teenage-ish things, and that God wanted me to learn to enjoy them and not be so neurotic about every single little thing.

I wish I had relaxed my ideals as a young mom, and just leaned into the life of being a mom more.
So many of my friends miss their children now that they are older. Most all of them say they wished they had relaxed more, loved more, and paid more attention to them personally--looked into their eyes more often.

Wisdom applied:
What are your biggest disappointments over how you expected yourself to be as a mom compared to your reality?
In what area were you least prepared?
How do you most need to adjust your expectations and find a way to enjoy this stage of your children's lives?
 

Tolkien & Building Your Own Homely House & Podcast

“Frodo was now safe in the Last Homely House east of the Sea. That house was, as Bilbo had long ago reported, ‘a perfect house, whether you like food or sleep, or story-telling or singing, or just sitting and thinking best, or a pleasant mixture of them all.’ Merely to be there was a cure for weariness, fear and sadness.” 

The Fellowship of the Ring by J.R.R. Tolkien

As a lover of great literature, Rivendell, in Lord of the Rings, captivated my attention and Sarah's and Joy's attention. Picturing our home as a place that remembers all the great life from eras gone by and that captures its beauty, has been one of our goals, that has given us hours and years of collecting and crafting and nurturing over the years.

 As you read this, I am living in Oxford, via London, with thoughts of helping Sarah with baby Lily  as she begins a new part of her history. I am also supporting Joy in her endeavors to completing her PHD while doing some work in Oxford and being a friend to Joel amidst his comings and goings here. Nathan will be in our world often this year and we will all continue to pass on the life of vision and inspiration within our close bonds.  We all  cherish the same sorts of ideas for building a place that holds a legacy of faith, a marriage that holds fast through all the years and all the seasons, or as a single mama who gives of her love generously to create Life through her own planning and creativity, a holding place for the reality of Christ to be lived through all the moments. We all know this requires planning and a conductor of such a life. It is the theme of my first book in the Lifegiving series, released 2 years ago  with Sarah, The Life Giving Home

The Lifegiving Home Experience: A 12-Month Guided Journey

By Sally Clarkson, Joel Clarkson

The Lifegiving Home: Creating a Place of Belonging and Becoming

By Sally Clarkson, Sarah Clarkson

Building a Home Requires Imagining it as a Place of Resource for Life:

A library that holds all the great books of children's literature and classics and great thinkers, biographies and writers is a must. And now, due to Clay's kindness to move his office to the basement, I have our library as a tea room of sorts. With comfy chairs, a tea set, art and paintings from my background all over the walls, with candle light and music--it is a lovely getaway where I can share heart-to-heart with all in my wake.

A well-stocked kitchen with all sorts of home-made recipes crafted over years of testing, with all the holiday food; food for those who are ill; birthday fare; winter-cold-night soups and breads and all sorts of healthy variety in between.

Fireplaces where stories are told and ideas discussed and children are cuddled.

bedrooms with comfy chairs and piles of books in baskets to encourage reading and quiet times and of course candles galore.

Piano, guitars, drums, flute, dulcimer--all collected over the years--some more used than others, but all for practicing producing music of all sorts.

Games and book baskets and art books and cd's and Pandora and dvd's from all imaginings to instruct, inspire, soothe, comfort and to stoke the imagination.

Clusters of chairs, grouped together to encourage great and close conversations--rockers on the front porch; setees and big chairs on the back deck; gatherings of chairs in 2's all over the house to make a close meeting and discipleship time for all who are there.

And of course a bookshelf in every room, with each child collecting his own library.

A suitable place for traditions celebrated and momentous occasions retold and the Bible read, over and over and over again--to remember Him and stories of faith and heroes and courage and holiness.

This is what I have had in my heart to shape--a home that breathes life and truth and love into all who would enter--

To make sure my home, for my family and friends, is indeed the last homely house and that all that has been excellent and worthwhile over the ages is celebrated in its walls--

because everyone needs a place to belong and a home where welcome is always fresh with all who cross the doorway.

We hope you will enjoy our podcast today.