Some call it burn out. Some call it age. Some just think it is inevitable with too much activity and boredom. (van gogh--image)
There have been several seasons in my life where I've felt it. Creeping tiredness that seems to seep into my very bones. Weariness as I hear another story of a wife betrayed, a child left to his own devices and gone astray, a pastor abandoning his flock. Discouragement over a long to-do list that looks just like the one I almost finished yesterday.
I can find my self-talk sounding a tad like Eeyore. Busy day with people everywhere?
"Everybody crowds around so in this Forest. There’s no Space. I never saw a more spreading lot of animals in my life, and in all the wrong places.”
And then when things quiet down and I'm left alone?
One can't complain. I have my friends. Somebody spoke to me only yesterday. And was it last week or the week before that Rabbit bumped into me and said 'Bother!' The Social Round. Always something going on."
And then I realize perhaps I've drifted a bit. When the pressures of life are great and negatives loom large they sometimes take up more room in my vision than they should. A re-adjustment is in order. I must get back to my first love.
"When I first fell in love with the Lord, I was so much happier. I was willing to read my Bible for hours, hungering for understanding and truth, discussing into the wee hours of night with my college friends the wonderful truths I had never heard before. Praying fervently and eagerly awaiting miracles was the call of my heart. Enthusiastically I would foray into the lives of strangers, eager to tell them about His redemption and grace. Fellowship with other believers was sweet and intimate. My whole life was genuinely wrapped up in God, not in a religious ritual but in an excited, passionate, graceful, purposeful way.
That was the place I had left, the place from where I had fallen. Since then, mundane duty had propelled me forward through the many corridors of my life. Yes, I'd enjoyed occasional waves of excitement and a heart choosing to love him. It is the commitment of my heart. But more often I'd been just putting one foot in front of the other. I wished for the reality of God to be true, but sometimes I had difficulty believing it or grasping Him. I was living in obedience and cultivating faithful character, but often I would feel no emotion. I would drag through some of the days and give the party lines that people had come to expect from me, but I definitely was not dancing and celebrating. Now I realized I wanted so much more than a spiritual theology or a philosophy; I wanted a real, living, intimate relationship with the One I originally had learned to cherish the most.
When entering the corridors of heaven, finally meeting Jesus face to face, I do not want to arrive gasping, out of breath, desperate, barely making it over the finish line. Instead I want to enter resiliently with a hopeful, loving heart. If joy, satisfaction, and fulfillment are what God desires for me, then God created me with those capacities so that He could fill them. God disdains dry, mundane obedience as much as I do! He wants true, pure-of-heart, devoted love--to be shared in a personal, vibrant relationship. The very One who created the wild, lively winds, the intense beauty of storms, waterfalls, sunsets, and music of nature is the One who wants me to love and enjoy Him amidst the dance of my life." ~from Dancing with My Father
And that's what He wants for your life, too! Let's return to our first love and dance, shall we?