Cultivating Civility

Education without values, as useful as it is, seems rather to make man a more clever devil. C. S. Lewis

As I pursue the idea of building foundations of truth and beauty and loveliness into the souls of our children, I have to say that we cannot pass on what is not a part of our own lives. A mom is the CEO of her home, the one who determines and cultivates the life, activities, values and soul, she must be working from the depth of her own soul. This is a long term call--a long distance run, and so pacing ourselves, making sure our own emotional cups are full, seeing that we are growing in grace and beauty is essential to modeling that to our children. I will be more intent on writing about how to build foundations in little ones, but first I would suggest that a mom must define, "What kind of a woman do I want to be? How can I become more excellent? How I am doing on growing more in grace and civility each day?" I suggest that each year, moms who want to grow in wisdom, must take a morning or afternoon away to think through personal goals for themselves and the plan in time to make those goals happen. I will be writing more about that after I finish writing about how to establish values that build children into strong, godly leaders. But, first, you must define who you want to be, so that the influence you give to your children will come from your own soul-set values and convictions. Below I share a story of my own life from a few years ago--and I see that my children love it when I am a picture of civility--it draws them to their finer selves! Enjoy.

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Excitement bubbled up inside as I considered the day I had charted for myself. A morning away as a real, live friend, around my own age! Carefully applying my make up, smoothing my hair to its most beautiful style and dressing up in something a bit more sophisticated than my regular jeans marked an adult day out with a beloved friend. Time away from my work-a-day world of children, dishes, teaching, writing and then doing it all over again, is rare. I am one who sometimes likes the predictable on such days--depending on those places I know will bring pleasure and comfort. Meeting my friend in a favorite cafe promised to provide a spot for catching up and sharing dreams and ideas. Now the reason I am telling you this is that I was looking for a day off--a day without conflict, a day of rest before the "busy-ness"  of the year starts again!

High-backed, overstuffed chairs provided privacy from the other customers and just the settling in we needed for our morning together. A steamy pot of tea, warm apple-caramel coffee cake all went down easily. Times like this help me to find my center. A busy and passed-too-fast summer had left me a bit fragmented and out of breath. I was storing up this pleasure and goodness and relaxation against the very busy next few months of a new school year, which is upon me!

After an hour and a half of conversation, we were ready to proceed on to our next pleasure--a stop at a lovely gift shop, filled to the brim with china tea cups and pots, delectable bits of jams and jellies and tea; a beautiful array of cook books and biographies and children's books, feminine clothing and an array of other girl-pleasing artifacts. We hoped to exchange some ideas with the owner about books and art and other future projects.

Just walking in was a pleasant sensate experience, because of all the pretty and fine gifts scattered around the shop. As we chatted with the store owner about our day and some of the books and one of my new projects, she engaged with us in lively conversation. I looked at my watch and realized that I needed to be home to take Joy to a choir practice and so I tried to savor my few minutes as of quiet heart-sharing with my friend. We left the shop and I drove home. Much to my pleasure, the traffic was much less than usual and I found myself home with a half-hour to spare.

I chose not to glance in the kitchen to see what messes were there, but instead, made myself a cup of hot tea. I knew the messes would be there to tame when we all got back home later. I walked over the backpack and a small stack of books on my stairs to my bedroom. They could be cleaned up before dinner. I walked in, lit my candles, turned on my cd with the soothing piano melodies rising and flowing from my Pride and Prejudice cd (very beautiful, by the way!). Joy, who had been in her room reading, heard me and gently knocked on my door.

"Come in, sweetness!" I responded. "Here, have a few sips of tea with me before we have to leave."

She sat down, and began to bubble all over me with thoughts and ideas and incidences that had happened in her morning. I intentionally took a deep breath and observed with thanksgiving at my child who has so much become my delightful friend. We had fifteen minutes together in peace and pleasure.

"Mom, I am so glad you take time for civility--it makes me feel special, and most of all, it really makes me feel like you like listening to me and just celebrating life together." (Has she been around Sarah lately? And now, she regularly lights candles, sips tea and reads--hummmm--where did she get the habit?)

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I taught my monthly mom's group and we were discussing chapter 8 in Mission of Motherhood. Our topic was becoming the gardener of your children's souls. Even as you would not expect a garden to emerge from throwing a handful of seeds into the wind into your back yard, so we cannot expect our children to have excellence in their own personal lives by just hoping it happens. Though education is important, it is mostly the way we invest in the other moments of life when our children's souls, manners, habits, skills will determine who they really become. When we become the gardener of their souls, we plant beauty, memories, confidence, and  winsome ways of living that  will capture their own imaginations. (Mission of Motherhood)

First, we must take time to be civilized. I know that my soul dries out if I don't plan in time that fills my own emotional cup. Getting away from my home (where all the chores cry out my name!), to a lovely place where I can think or read or share time with a friend is something I try to plan into my schedule. It doesn't happen as often as I like, but I need it so that I can get back to my center and fill the cups of all those who are in my life to take from my own heart--children, husband, friends, and ministry. I will have nothing to give if I don't take care of myself first. So each year as I plan my children's needs and schedules and activities, I take time to get alone and evaluate, "How am I doing--physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally? How can I simplify my responsibilities so that I can make it with grace through the next months.

Next, though, I make sure to plan in civilizing times with my family--traditions like family dinners or deserts that we will share with our friends, special Sunday afternoon tea times--the first Apple Pie time with a story book. (Giving my children the responsibility of decorating the dining table, writing little notes of encouragement  to their guests who will come, lighting the candles, making the meal.) We plan a time for making cookies or bread or flower baskets to share with those we know who are in need of encouragement or love. (We found cute pumpkin baskets and filled them with dried flowers--Joy sold a few to raise money for a dog she hopes to purchase and then we chose two for special family friends who need to know they are appreciated.)

Plan civility into the moments of your life this fall. Make time for you to have your own experience, however small, that will remind you that you are royalty--as a child of the king. And then, make time for your family, to have peace and beauty and manners and elegance in your home, however small. It will produce a soul that values taking the time to celebrate the importance and intimacy of friendship and fellowship. Happy weekend!

Building Strong Foundations

Hallstatt, Austria

"Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock.Everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not act on them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and it fell—and great was its fall.” Matthew 7:24-27

Many years ago, I was a young, lonely missionary living in Vienna, Austria. German had rung in my ears for hours each day as I attended a language class every day. New to the language, I would often get my sentences wrong and so people would end up shouting at me or speaking at a very high pitch, somehow thinking I would understand better if they yelled. I was not deaf--just not good at the language.

Plotting a getaway, so that I could temporarily flee from the stress of my week, I planned a weekend retreat at a little mountain town in the Austrian Alps with my best friend. Mounting a train with books, chocolate, a back pack and jammies, we snuggled into the warm compartment as we swayed back and forth through the ominous, gigantic giants towering over us.

Finally, we were told to get out of the train. Before us was merely a small trail leading down to a crystal mountain lake. The conductor pushed us forward as though he knew what he was doing. We scrambled down the thin, weather-beaten stairs, and as soon as we got to the bottom, near the lake, as tiny motor boat came putting up to the dock. The driver of the boat waved us in and immediately began the short trip back to the other side. We found out later that this boat was a part of the mountain train system and carried passengers every day from the train to the little, charming mountain town.

After having dinner on a small porch that was on top of the water, (look in the picture for the pink hotel on the left--that is where we were.), we climbed into the puffy, squishy, eider-down (goose feather) comforters and fell fast asleep from the weariness of the week.

A couple of hours later, we were awakened with a big boom. Suddenly as we opened our eyes, we saw the lights out the window of the whole town go dark. As we sat up, we realized we were in the midst of a severe, pounding rain storm. We both crawled in the darkness to window and all we could see were dark silhouettes of the mountain with sheets of rain blowing sideways. As our eyes grew accustomed to the darkness, we looked down and saw that the porch where we had eaten was covered in the water of the lake with porch furniture floating all around.

Suddenly, a flash of lightening filled the black night sky, and we saw across the lake where we had dismounted. There, amidst the blowing torrents of rain and the waves of the sea splashing 10-20 feet high, we saw a small rock castle a still, dark shadow, standing fast against the storm.  Immoveable, firm amidst all the rest that was blowing and moving.

The next morning, as I was reading my Bible, the verses, "He who builds on the rock will not be shaken." And now I had a visual picture of the one who built his house on the rock.

Storms will come, and as a matter of fact, I feel like we are living in a very stormy time---immorality, wickedness, voices from every corner of the world tempting us to look to someone or something else for security, materialism, pornography,  the break-down of marriage, relative values, humanism. The flashes of lightening and the thunder of the world seem to accost at every point.

Yet, there is a promise that if one builds his house on the rock, the simple, profound, instructive truth of Jesus' words, he will be wise and will weather the storms.

I wish all of my children would get married, have lots of children and move in next door. They are my favorite people and best friends. How I would love for our lives to reflect the fairy tale of family I have always dreamed. (And, by the way, I am still praying for this.)

But the reality is, we are living in challenging times, and God has chosen this part of history in which we were to be alive, training our children for the world they will inherit.

So, the beginning point for our children is to build strong, firm, foundations--emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually--to build these soul foundations on the rock, so that they will be able to stand firm and strong.

However, since most women do not know the Bible well and aren't sure what foundations to build on, and when often Christians are so divided on the subject of Biblical mothering, it can be confusing to know how to build. Even in our churches the messages of truth are confusing, and sometimes divisive. The lines are drawn in different places.

Yet, when I look back on my life as a mom, and embraced the stewardship of pouring into my children, I found Biblical principles that guided me. Scripture is very clear in most cases, but many people are just not ready to obey scripture and so compromise with permission from other Christians to live above Biblical wisdom.

Yet, Jesus was very clear and instruction We must obey His truths and teach them. His teachings aree simple and clear.

But herein lies  the tension--there is a necessary sacrifice of the mom's life to build these ideals. They do not just happen from a ten to fifteen minute devotional a day. The principles must be a part of the moms life, part of her instruction to her children and then the air of the truth must be breathed in and out, morning, noon and night , so that the child's very soul will be shaped on the truths, the principles of wisdom, godly choices, and convictions, all which take years and years to build. Building a foundation takes time, hard work and energy and patience.

So, a foundation must be planned out and carefully built. The soundness of all great structures rest on the foundation. And so we must build the foundation of our children's souls on solid, firm, immoveable rock, truths that are timeless. We must be students of the words and the truths, we must ingest them deep in our own souls, as a teacher cannot pass on that which is not first hers.

The storms of our lives and our children's lives come mainly through the voices of the world, and cleverly deceptive and persuasive--the foolishness of the world and the destruction that the world brings but does not bely until it is too late.

So we begin with defining the foundations that must be built, the truths that must be understood. Foundations will be the first area to be laid in building strength so that our children will grow up to have a solid foundation that will support every storm and wind that comes their way, to cultivate them to be able to champion God's causes in the midst of the storms their lives will bring.

Building Kingdom-minded children

Kostenko

Peddling as fast as their short pudgy legs would pump, two ruddy faced, puffing and deeply intent little boys came racing up beside me on red bikes to   see who could reach me first.

"Hey, mam, what is the name of your dog? Can we pet it?"

I was out for a late Sunday afternoon walk on a glorious Colorado day with my golden retriever, Kelcey.

Chattering, laughing, petting, "How old is this dog? She's big!" and "Where do you live? We found an amazing hill to race our bikes on, but we won't run over you," burst forth the words one on top of another. The glory of young manhood was at its best.

Oh, how I love childhood years. Each day is a miracle.

I am writing to you, little children, because your sins have been forgiven you for His name’s sake. ¹³ I am writing to you, fathers, because you know Him who has been from the beginning. I am writing to you, young men, because you have overcome the evil one. I have written to you, children, because you know the Father. I have written to you, fathers, because you know Him who has been from the beginning. I have written to you, young men, because you are strong, and the word of God abides in you, and you have overcome the evil one. I John 2:12-14

The Bible seems to divide the life of people into three phases. Childhood, young adulthood and adulthood, according to my sweet learned husband. Both the Old Testament refers to words that describe such an age as well as the New Testament, as seen here in John.

In our home, we treated our children differently at each phase. Each new level of life came with new training and responsibility in order to give them a heart for our King and for His kingdom. I believe that there are many paths to teach these principles, but no matter what path you take, it all involves very intentional and purposeful training and planning.

Warrior building will be a theme in my writing for the next few days and how a home brings life to the faith, the dreams, and the scope of character to a child's life. Helping our children to understand and perceive that they are quite influential and made to be quite crucial in extending the influence of the Kingdom of God in their lifetime is a foundational theme that must be taught and embraced  in their inner being and self-image, from the point of view of God's design and purpose for them. But this perception comes about with intentionality. The home is God's perfect place for passing on these eternal values. Crafting such a home is an art and one of the greatest calls a mother can fulfill. And so I will delight in writing all about what I have learned.

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I wanted to extend my heart-felt thanks for so many emails, comments, facebook comments and tweets. I am so blessed to be in such a great company of kindred spirits. There are times that the buzz of my personal life overwhelms me. I am just a mom and wife and love my home and family. I get thousands of emails, comments, tweets, fb comments a month. I receive about 20-30 requests for speaking engagements, about 15-20 requests for book endorsements or promote my blog requests, and so may other letters and questions. I am so honored to have so many wonderful friends who read and participate in ministry with our family in encouraging and reaching other families.

However, I find myself beyond my limits and am continually seeking to find a centered life, with my priorities somewhat balanced with my Lord, my husband, my children and my local teaching. (I am currently teaching 3 Bible studies, as my passion is discipleship.)

I am so very sorry  I am not able to answer all of my requests and letters. How I would love to have each of you in my home for a cup of tea, where we could truly visit and share our heart issues. Please forgive me if it seems I may have neglected you. It is not intentional. I am just trying to stay faithful to keeping a quiet life at home. But I do pray for my sweet friends and readers, that you will find Him, our gracious Father, to be ready to instruct, love, encourage and sustain you in your own homes, and that my words will encourage you just a little along this path. May He bless you abundantly this day.

A secret place of power

Nicolaes Maes A woman praying

("Mama, mama, look at the cat! The old woman is praying and she doesn't know that the cat is going to pull everything off the table!" came the giggling voice of Sarah as a child.)

“But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you."

This morning, these words above capture me. My Father is waiting for me in secret. He longs for me to come to Him, to tell Him of my secrets. To confess my sin, my weaknesses, fears, vulnerability, my selfishness.

Dreams matter to him because I am his beloved child. Perhaps he even placed them there. Perhaps He wants to expand them.

To think of Him waiting and willing to answer, to love me, to talk to me to respond--to change the course of history because I came to Him, my Father.

Oh, to leave Him waiting with me not showing up.

Oh, Father. Thank you for waiting for me here, my secret place with you, where you do not allow anyone else to interrupt, or bother us. You are so very considerate to make this time for me. I come to you as a little girl, I am here to be your beloved daughter. May you know how very grateful I am to have you all to myself. I love you, my dearest of all dearest Fathers.

Are you raising warriors or refugees?

Nathan, a warrior for His kingdom, bringing light , beauty and innocence into the dark places  of Hollywood.

Read his post, to see his heart. (and all of you moms who worry that your children cannot punctuate or sit still for math--trust God! He has a dream and a future for your children to fulfill. Don't focus too much on the details, but be sure to build their heart. I am so encouraged to see  what he wrote--and by the way, it did make me cry!)

Now, be sure to read my post! Long, but I hope, encouraging!

"I do not ask you to take them out of the world, but to keep them from the evil one." Jesus, about His disciples, in John 17: 15

Not too long ago, a friend whispered to me at a conference, "Sally, there are all sorts of women that I know who attend your conferences because they are encouraged, but they are criticizing you behind your back. They are asking the question, 'How did the Clarksons allow their son to move to Hollywood, such a wicked place,  if they have such high moral ideals?' They think you are living a compromise to your life as a Christian."

I am not surprised at statements like these. We get them all the time. I have always told my children that if you stand up to lead, you automatically become a target.

Yet, I also understand the concerns of these people who are criticizing us. I did not ask God to send my children into difficult, morally challenging arenas. But I did ask Him to help Clay and me build them into godly leaders who would take His light to a dark world. And, since they are adults and we released them into God's hands to follow what road He put on their heart, (with input from us all along the way), I spend a lot of time on my knees every day and ask for God to guide, intervene and protect my children.

Yet, I think at some point in the Christian life, regardless of  peers, our church's stand, our friend's opinions, blogs, loud voices giving pontificating statements, we must decide just who we think Jesus is and how His life and words should influence the way we live and the choices we make. I think there are few radical Christians and I think He calls us to live radically--even if that means staying at home with your children or serving Him in in the world in an unusual places--we must follow Him, not anyone else.

Jesus, the exact image of God, related to prostitutes and offered them a clean slate of forgiveness, and allowed them to touch Him and wash His feet.

Jesus, touched the infirm and contaminated--the lepers, the woman who was unclean, the blind, the sick.

Jesus looked out on the multitudes not with condemnation, but with compassion and told us to pray that God would send laborers into the harvest. He also sent His disciples into the world to redeem it.

Jesus did not exalt and affirm the Pharisees who had rules and laws for everything and stayed away from the "wicked" folk. Instead, he told the parable of the Good Samaritan, one of the "unacceptable" from a religious point of view, but the only one who was able to please God. He honored because he got involved,  because he lived in a compassionate way and gave of his life to save the beaten man, a victim of thieves, unlovely and in the dirt.

I think serving Jesus will, at some point, make all of us uncomfortable.

And so, I had to confront my own belief in what I thought was most Biblical in philosophy for raising children.

I wanted an Anne of Green Gables life that was safe, protected and always g-rated. But, that is not the world God into which He placed me.

So I had to consider, "What is your will for my children." He answered, "To follow Jesus to the cross, to be willing to give up their lives to redeem the world for His glory--to become a warrior for Christ's kingdom.

A warrior is one who sees the battle in his land, and is willing to sacrifice his life to protect those he loves, to save them from harm and to engage the enemy in battle. Battle is rough, costly, difficult and requires sacrifice for the sake of the people who are being warred against.

Now a refugee, on the other hand, is one who runs away from the battle, in order to protect himself or his loved ones. When there is no defense against the enemy, often, people are forced to flee. But in fleeing away from the battle, they leave no impact, no defense, for those left in the wake of the raging enemy army.

Often I see parents who raise their children to run away from the cultural battles and to stay far off from those who are lost and broken and who have scars and difficulties. They find it easy to criticize those who are engaged in bringing the light of Christ into the arena of darkness--this is the place in which our family receives criticism.

I will admit that the world can be a very fearful place to be.

But, God has asked me, as a mom,  to live by faith, not to look to the limitations of my own life and this wicked world we live in, but to the God who tells us to overcome evil with good, to remain faithful, to endure.

So, as a mom, I had to ask, "Would He have me do anything less than send my own children, as God sent His own son, into the world to redeem dark places?"

And so when we read in the Psalms,

"Praise be to the LORD my Rock,who trains my hands for war,my fingers for battle.

He is my loving God and my fortress,my stronghold and my deliverer,my shield, in whom I take refuge,

who subdues peoples under me." Psalm 144: 1-2,

we would pray with our children.  "Lord, these are your children created by you with a personality and a purpose. Train our children for the spiritual warfare in which they will engage. Prepare them for the battles they will confront. Be their fortress, their stronghold, deliverer and shield. They are not ours to hold on to, but ours to prepare for your kingdom purposes."

Depending on what you decide, preparing one to run away from the battle or to engage in the battle, will require a very different parenting philosophy.

But as for the Clarksons, we will seek to engage in the battle, and rub shoulders with the lost, because we cannot do other than what our Lord and savior showed us to do--to go into the world to make disciples, to see the multitudes with compassion and to become workers in the Harvest field of the world.

I just love a good story

N.C. Wyeth (one of my favorite artists of children's literature)

Rousing tales of heroes saving damsels in distress, romantic tales of valor and sacrifice, or heart warming stories of family, home, children, history---I just love a good story. All of my life, I have been able to lose myself in captivating stories. And when I would read a heart moving tale, I would dream of living a story worth telling.

Scripture is full of dramatic stories of bravery (David and Goliath), romance, (Ruth and Boaz), courage (Moses stepping into the Red Sea with a couple of million children, animals, adults chasing screaming behind him being chased by the strongest army ever known), and more.

Each of us is living a story. Each of us can make decisions that will place us into the Lord's hands to accomplish His own stories through us in our lifetime. Maybe your story doesn't feel exciting at this moment or strategic in light of history. But most of the people who were recorded as heroes of the faith, were normal people amidst normal life circumstances, who trusted God even when the others surrounding them were naysayers and could not see Him.

The story that will be told about you in the future depends on the story you are living today.

In other words, the truth is, the story you are choosing to live today--whether it requires excellence morally, courage to endure, faith to believe, or love to overcome, will become your integrity or lack of integrity tomorrow. You cannot have a story of faithfulness in your future or with your children or grandchildren--tales of faithfulness and courage and moral character and discipline and sacrifice that made a difference in your own family history--unless you are living that story with faith, moral excellence, self-discipline, sacrificial love today.

To live a story worth telling, you must reject the voices of the world that shout so loudly in your head, and you must choose to live in holiness to please an audience of one.

All of  us love to hear great stories.

Your children long to see you as their heroes

. They will love to tell your story to their own children someday. So choose today to live the story that you want to be told about you in the future.

Meanwhile, I am off to live my story.

Crafting the Art of Home Life, Part 1

In the beginning, God created

As women, one of the defining qualities intrinsic in being made in God's image, is the divine ability to create, to cultivate, to subdue, and to take all of the raw materials of our lives and to craft them into something beautiful.

When God laid the foundations of the universe, the splendor and magnificence of vibrant color, eye captivating beauty, resilient, melodious sounds,  the  spontaneous response of the shimmering, sparkling morning stars was to celebrate with heavenly choruses, singing His praises and worth, while the sons of God shouted and celebrated wildly with joy. (Job 38:6-8) What on overwhelming display of vibrant, heart filling celebration of His glory it must have been.

So, when we want to display just a small bit of the divine through the beauty of our home, it must encompass all of the moments of life, because we have ruled over our domains in such a way to have order, rhythms, traditions, anchors in our schedule that provide for this divine reflection through the ways we have ruled over and subdued in our own domain.

I love fall the best, I think. Chill air begins to fill the nights so that we must close our windows and snuggle under covers. Warm, simmering, pungent soups bubble on the stove while scents of herb crusted bread waft from the oven. Fireplaces and candles dance with flames, music notes float into our subconscious to please and soothe the rough places of our souls.

The Spirit of home,  stands at the doorways to compel those outside to enter into a place of life, comfort, rest, beauty.

But, you say, "My life is already so busy, I don't have time to add one more ideal."

The dilemma, then, is how to weave beauty, color, celebration into an already busy life.

Oh, my Sarah girl, where have you gone? (also a giveaway)

My legs felt heavy as I wearily climbed the steps to my bedroom. From three trips in three weeks, with one memorial service of my sweet mom, sending Joel back to California, getting Sarah ready to leave for 3 months to be a counselor at Summit Semester, and Joy starting college, I had hardly had time to breathe.

The schrapnel of life battle was littered around my messy home: piles of correspondence unread, clothes strewn all about my bedroom with two worn pieces of luggage spilling over, I knew life would soon have to be tamed in order for me to move forward with grace in the months ahead.

But there was this gnawing hole, almost a hunger that I had yet not had time to think about or identify--and then I realized, "Oh, a part of my heart has been cut out. Sarah isn't here anymore.And where has my Joel gone?"

Sarah, my first born, my always sweet, responsive, encouraging, loving, inspiring best friend---gone. Not here to bubble over with new thoughts and ideas, or to grace my day with a surprise card or cup of tea. Gone would be my welcome when coming in from a chore-filled busy day with the house sparkling as a surprise to keep me cheered. No more Saturday morning walks in the chill air of downtown amongst the Victorian homes, followed by steaming mugs of espresso and a croissant.

Gone. Away. Gifted to the others who would now benefit from the light of her presence.

And Joel, my gentle, helpful, knight in shining armor, bearing my burdens as I sifted through the relics of my mother's life, would not leave me alone for the sentimental journey, as Clay prayed from home, an injured back limiting his presence with me. Joel who with always a smile, prayed for me, shared the ideals of his heart as we bounced about for 15 hours in a rental truck on the deserted dry plains of Texas moving through the hours of the sifting of memories on my way home. Now, feeling the longing for your long arms around me to assure me of God's presence, now you also are away to your new world. But you and our Nathan, now together in California to help, protect and pray for one another as you foray into your own life of valiance in Hollywood.

After all the years of loving, serving, teaching, praying for, training, inspiring and correcting, I only hoped that the fruit would taste so sweet in my home-grown leaders who were being prepared to go into a world that would need them. And so it is with discipleship--the sweet, satisfying fruit, gifted  back to the mother who embraced her call. My heart is the one blessed because of the eternal spilling out of these who are my own precious children, but oh how I miss them, and what a hole they have left. But God showed me many years ago, they are not mine, they are his, simply shared with me for a time to invest. The world needs their light. And so I comfort myself, that though far away, they still live in my heart and we will always be forever friends. But, if I had known what a hole they would leave, I might have celebrated and enjoyed the moments of their growing a little more when they were yet young. But oh how I celebrate the memories of my four precious ones now.

The gift of discipleship from home is the deepest, best companionship I have ever known. Hearts alive to beauty, comfort at sharing the depths of our souls, commitment and hungering for kingdom living and closeness to God, laughter and delight in each other from countless days shared over life. And now the hole in my heart, a consequence of having loved and lived fully together.

I think I will probably kiss Joy too often this fall, hold on to her a little too much, because I now know the way of life so well, too soon she will be following His call for her, out into the world of her own story, and the hole in my heart will deepen, but I will be the more blessed for having shared in her journey fully, deeply and with all of my heart.

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I'd rather be a risk taker.......

I'd rather be a risk taker and live by faith and believe that He is here and listening, Than to let fear of what might happen,

or fear of failure,

or fear of what people might think,

squeeze the life and childlikeness of my believing and hoping out of me, and cause me to do nothing at all.

I do not want to be the one who hid what I had in the ground and find a frown on His face because I was afraid to do anything.

I can always ask for forgiveness if I am wrong

or admit that I am falible,

but how few years I have on this earth to say,

"I believe in you even though I cannot see. I trust you even though I don't understand. I am your girl. I will bring your light into dark places. I know you are here with me and I know that even though I am weak, you are always with me and you will always redeem."

I would rather be a risk taker........

I came up with a new title for myself.......

I think I am going to call myself "Marathon Mama"--

Seems the race just keeps going on and on and on and on..........

packing one child up to go for 3 1/2 months of Summit Semester

Hosting out of town company

Washing clothes

Cooking one more "goodbye--let's have a family feast meal"

going out shopping for clothes with one

Helping another with taxes

Talking with Clay about his surgery

And the race keeps going on and on and on

And you can only win if you keep running

Off to run a little further............