Beauty: The Bridge to Awaken hidden places of the soul

The pursuit of truth and beauty is a sphere of activity in which we are permitted to remain children all our lives.Albert Einstein

Children are born to wonder, to explore,  pry, to ask, to pretend, to believe, to trust, to celebrate, to giggle, to laugh, to create, to love. When I pictured my children's souls, I pictured them as a treasure chest to fill with jewels of beauty, truth and wisdom and experiences that would make their hearts, souls and minds so rich, that they would have a wealth of treasures to draw from the rest of their lives. A rich soul must be filled intentionally with elegant masterpieces of creation, magnificent compositions of music, alluring feasts, gentle touch, exquisite art, masterpieces of thought, spiritual inspiration. Then from the richness invested there, fruit will come forth.

Our homes can become that place of creativity, where a meal can become a candle-lit half-hour that creates life-changing conversation, as in the above tea time I made for Joy a couple of weeks ago when we had been far too busy and were quite exhausted. (I also used to, and still do make these hidden moments of civilized conversations with my boys, and they liked it just as much. I just considered what food or way of talking them would like, and served them accordingly.) Our souls needed rest and refreshment. It was a simple meal from what was in the fridge, but with candles, and roses I had bought at Sam's, it became a celebration of our friendship. I even used to do such things in a smaller way when my children were babes.

When I admire the wonders of a sunset or the beauty of the moon, my soul expands in the worship of the creator. Mohandis Gandi

This morning, I arose early to spend time with the Lord, and I asked Him to speak to my heart and I poured out my heart with requests and faith and worship. As I was sitting quietly, alone in the darkened room with flickering candle light as my companion, my eyes were drawn to the window and vibrant pinks, purples, deep blues were strewn across the pallet of the early morning sky. The Lord indeed spoke to me and the heavens were declaring His artistry and giving peace to my soul. Beauty draws us to the creator's glory and fills our hearts with wonder and worship, and puts us in our right place.

When we love our children well, we will paint the exquisite color of His reality in the way we express life art throughout our homes, so that our children can begin to believe that for them, our home is the best place to be. I have lived in tiny, aged 900 square foot homes that leaked water down the sides of the wall, (Vienna); a small but efficient  4th floor walk-up apartment that looked over industrial towers of smoke, (Poland), and  a sprawling, charming cottage with views of land, (Tennessee). It does not matter what the size or shape of a home, it is the artist-creator ceo of the home that brings a place to life.

Friday mornings are the time I take Joy out to breakfast each week, to validate our friendship, to talk about all bubbling up in our souls from a week of be fully alive and to have the opportunity to speak into her soul, even as a young adult. But these moments of pouring in, started when she was small, in the confines and moments of our many homes of 17 moves!

As we awakened, she and I sat on her bed talking about CK Chesterton's Orthodoxy book and funny incidents in the book, as he is a hysterical man. (For those of you who don't know him, he was a British Christian Author, whose book Orthodoxy is a classic, challenging Christian book on faith, much like Mere Christianity.)

On our way to the small, French cafe this morning, where they have the best chocolate croissants and lattes, we listened and sang to Rich Mullen's "Peace I leave to you," and "Hold Me Jesus" which deeply ministered to my soul--what an artist he was before he was killed in a car accident. He is a friend of our family because the kids grew up with his songs playing through hours of driving in the mountains.

While munching on our warm croissants, Joy told me the story of C.S. Lewis's "Till We Have Faces" and how much it really changed her perspective of suffering this life.

Then, on the drive back home, we sang to Phantom of the Opera at the top of our lungs, because we had fallen in love with the music when we saw the play together last year. The songs are breath-taking-ly beautiful! My boys like Les Miserable, and we all used to wash dishes to Josh Groben, which I would play loudly as the kids were cleaning. (Also, some up-beat Christian music was a favorite to keep them on track!)

These rich tastes of life came from years of living fully, engaged in the best I could find. I was not educated in these areas until I began to make it my goal to become familiar with some of the best in music, art and literature as a portion of what I would put into my children's souls. I became civilized and educated as I sought to civilize and educate them.

I remember in the Anne of Green Gables movie, there is a part when she is visiting with a wealthy Aunt of her best friend, Diana, in the Charlottetown, one of the larger cities of Prince Edward Island. Anne had just made a comment to the Aunt that even though she was having fun in the big city, she preferred her small town. Then a soloist sang an aria from Opera that thrilled her soul. After she heard the song, Anne remarked, "I will never be the same again."

And so it is when we open our children's souls to fine tastes of the beauty of life. The picture of Christians as those who can compose the finest music (The Messiah, or Bach's worship music), the greatest literature, (C.S. Lewis and others), live the best stories, (Hudson Taylor opening China), be the best testimony, (Eric Liddel in Chariots of Fire or Wilberforce in the movie about his life), follow the best heroes by listening to Bonhoeffer's history in the Focus on the Family radio drama), then they develop their tastes all the best and most beautiful in life and become what their own souls have been fed.

Consequently, each of us has the freedom to live within our own means and by our own personalities and preferences. Creativity must not necessarily be extravagant or demanding.  But the passing on of beauty and love and excellence as we see fit, cultivates in them a vigor and love for life that will last them throughout their lives. Investing in their souls, with the art of God,  speaks to them deeply and satisfies them surely and assures them of the abiding love of a civilized mother.

If you really love your children, turn off your computer, cell phone and tv and read!

Renoir

You may have tangible wealth untold;

Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold. Richer than I you can never be -- I had a Mother who read to me. Strickland Gillian

"Give me a man or woman who has read a thousand books and you give me an interesting companion."Anne Rice

Children are pre-wired by God to long for knowledge and skill. It is why the average 4 year old asks 100 questions a day. Children also thrive when they are given grand resources in their souls--a vocabulary worthy of thinking great thoughts, grasping interesting ideas, discovering wisdom and knowledge.

One of the greatest ways we can love our children is by cultivating in them a love for learning, cultivating their intellect, and giving them a broad base of education. Research widely acclaims, in every venue of research, that a child who is read to will have a larger capacity for solving problems, a greater vocabulary, a greater ability to solve problems, is more socially adjusted, tests better, is more likely to become a leader, and the list goes on and on. This great habit of life is not developed by saying to your children, "Read!"

It is a habit that a wise woman cultivates at every possible moment. It must be planned, practiced, cultivated, acted on--do not think that anything else can replace this wonderful gift you can give to your children! There is nothing more miraculous for the soul or to draw children to your ideas of faith, than to invest long hours of reading profoundly together!

When we invest in our children's intellect and mental prowess, we give them a confidence and skill in life that will serve them all the days of their lives. But, developing reading as a delight and as a life-long habit requires choices. We must limit media for ourselves and for them--as they pick up what we model.

But we must also, at the earliest age, pick up our babies and hold them in our laps and talk and read to them if we want to pass on this skill and habit and mental strength. A reader does not just happen by chance, it is a cultivated habit, a discipline of life. And if you want to give your children a broad and deep soul, reading to them and spending time engaging in stories is an invisible gift that will serve them the rest of their lives.

People have asked me, how did you raise a child who was able to score a perfect score on one of Harvard's entrance tests? I held Sarah in my lap with little picture books from the time she was a wee baby. I would point to Richard Scary pictures of toys or bodies or animals and would say the word and the sound the animal made and she would point to them and say the words. I read sweet picture books every morning and every night. (love Eloise Wilkin as an Illustrator as all of her paintings are beautiful and family friendly, so I collected these books.)

I used interesting voices and dramatized and laughed and boomed whenever a story required it. By the time she was 3 years old, reading with me was a delight and we had read together hundreds and hundreds of hours. She loved cuddling up with her blankie or a small cup of her favorite juice or drink or just sitting in my lap and it became a bonding time for us as we shared stories and characters and life and interests together.

Next came Joel and he just squished in with us. Even Nathan, (positive peer pressure, you know--if the other kids did it, he followed suit), and reading out loud became a habit.

We must observe that God told us about himself through story--all the old testament stories are about real people who captivate our imagination. Jesus told stories constantly to teach a lesson. And so stories of great people, interesting histories, epoch or interesting or humorous tales, captivated them for hours,

I think if you asked all of my children what were the most defining habits that tied our family together, all of them would say "Reading together."

John 1 tells us that Jesus was the "Word." We were made to people of words. Words give us truth, knowledge, ideas, character, patterns for life, inspiration, companionship, conviction, encouragement, intelligence. There is no end to what I could say about the importance of words and their connection to all of the rest of our lives.

How do we develop a love for words? By talking and reading and engaging in great ideas and discussing great ideas. Many women I know are planning their children's year and measuring much of what they hope to accomplish by activities they are going put in their children's schedule and by classes their children will take and by curriculum on which they will spend all of their resources.

Many people ask me all the time, "What curriculum did you use to determine that your children would become academically excellent and score so well on their tests and get into such good colleges and get those scholarships? How did you give your children Biblical convictions so that they love the Lord and want to serve Him?"

First, let me say, it is all by God's grace. He resides in our home fully with life, truth, and dominion. But, the way God worked through our days was through reading, reading, reading--discussing each and every night, morning, noon and afternoon. Baskets of books everywhere--in all of the rooms, even the bathrooms!

I determined that I would expose my children to the best and wisest authors and minds and stories that would build the foundation of their souls and that would give them truth (the Word) and that would inspire them to build a world view that provided for them to want to invest their lives in the history of this world for His kingdom. We read hundreds if not thousands of books. We discussed truth. We cherished wisdom and ideas and models throughout history. We made reading the priority and giving our children a love for reading and knowing a foundation for their lives.

How did Sarah become such a wonderful writer? By being read to profoundly. How did Joel do so well on his essays for all college entrance and get such high test scores? By being read out loud to! Why was Nathan compelled to write a book? Why did Joy start a blog? (her most recent one here--about books and about loving the Bible)

Because they loved learning, reading, thinking, teaching and sharing wisdom as a natural consequence of living in a world full of ideas and words. Not rocket science--just wisdom.

But, if you really want to give them this profound gift of love, you must stop all of the other things you are doing and read every day--every day--every day. If you wait until you have time, you will not do it--it must be a part of your rhythm of life and a priority.

Do not fill your schedules with unnecessary activities and lists of textbooks and unnecessary busy work--it will wear you out and demotivate your children.

Instead, delight in great stories, teach the word passionately. Greatly value and treasure words and ideas and history in front of your children so that they will fall in love with language and knowledge. (Of course it goes without saying--limit media to a reasonable amount--almost none when they are little and only a bit more when they are older until they are of age to be responsible for themselves.) You cannot expect children to fall in love with reading and thinking if they have media as an option all the time for babysitting them.

We still read outloud to our children. Sarah and Nate spent several hours a week this summer reading a several hundred page book together just for fun when they weren't working. No, they are not nerds. They are healthy, redblooded, fun, contemporary, highly convicted children. But they learned this habit of sharing great stories together and it became a part of their friendship and a part of their pleasure.

It started with our family culture--magazines in every corner of the house--creation science, nature, history, beautiful ones, captivating illustrations. Book baskets in every room--picture books, art books, history books, etc. Reading every day for an hour in the afternoon--a habit we still keep. And many other things.

So, be sure, no matter what else you do, in your planning to plan a great list of wonderful books to cozy up and read to your children all together. Make it a daily ritual. Cuddle up on the couch. Use great voices. Get excited. Pick exciting captivating stories. ........and and and and!

If we lose the gift of reading in this generation, we will lose the ability to reason, to understand God's greatness, to think well, to have convictions. We must keep literacy up! One of the most important works of our lives. If children do not learn to love to read, they will not become readers of the Bible--the best words. They will love reading if you read outloud to them and cherish them and celebrate great stories together with them in peace and joy.

"We read to know we are not alone!" C. S. Lewis

Be sure to remind them..........

Sarah and Joy, pals at the beach

First, I just wanted to thank each and every one of you who has written me an email or commented or sent me a message on Facebook of encouragement. I feel abundantly blessed to have such wonderful friends and do not deserve you--but am tickled to have such wonderful messages. It is a great encouragement to me in the midst of this season of life. I feel so very grateful to the Lord for all the ways He has worked, by His abundant mercy and grace and patience in my own life. Since I felt alone through most of my "mothering" years, I felt that the Lord wanted me to not leave others alone in this great and demanding call of motherhood, so my writing is a love and thanksgiving letter to Him and just a tiny bit of what I feel He wants me to do with my life in this season. I love you precious moms so much and know that you are changing the course of history by devoting your lives to discipling your children and showing them God's reality and love. No matter how weary you become, know this, your labor is not in vain and it indeed matters.

I am sorry I am not at a point to be able to answer email and comments, but I pray for you and ask God to show you His love every day.

How fun it is to write this series as a part of the blog hop for The Heart of the Matter--you will love this ten day blog hop with great ideas and writers! So here is my third article on how to show love to your children!

Throughout scripture, we are told to "Remind them, tell them, talk to them, and then again, remind them. Paul and Peter say it, Moses wrote about it as God dictated, Joshua said it, to constantly tell and remind and encourage all of the things that are important.

We are people who forget. One day we can be so very thankful for the miracles that God has wrought and then the next crisis we are in, we tend to forget that God sees us and that he is good and panic takes over.

"Why do the wicked prosper? Why don't you answer my prayers? Where are you?"

Our children will someday be in the world, (mine already are), where the voices will be crying out, "You just can't expect youth in your generation to be moral." or "You deserve, ....." Or "Your parents have archaic values," or "Everyone else is doing it."

Yet, when children have a strong sense of self and family and that they belong to something bigger and greater than themselves, they develop a self-image that they are not alone. They understand, (because we have told them a million zillion times,) that all of us are a part of a history that our family will make together. We say, I wonder how the Lord is going to use the Clarkson's in the world to bring His light to bear in this world? You must always be there for each other, you must always be loyal--we are here as a group who belong to each other. Remember that.

I think building strong ties of loyalty between and among siblings is so very important and creates positive peer love and pressure and in the end all of the kids watch out and pray for each other.

We see in the lives of the Israelites that even though God blessed them and gave them freedom from the Egyptians and sent them out rich and opened the Red Sea and sent quail and manna every day and a fire to guide them at night, still they forgot.

And so besides repeating the messages that I wanted to be deep in their souls, I created Memory Boxes for each child.

So, early in our children's lives, when they were old enough to be able to understand the meaning of their own history, I had them create their own history and memory box. We bought lidded cardboard boxes at an office store. They painted whatever they wanted to mark their box and we named them after each child, for instance, "The Wonderful History of Sarah," or whatever means a lot to your child.

Into this box goes all of the wonderful things that I want to help them remember who they are and what they stand for and how special their lives have been. Into the box goes:

Birthday and Christmas cards from all the family who love them--any special message they have received. These get their own large zip lock bag. This is all those cards that say, "you are my special grandaughter," or "Mommy and Daddy think you are our princess.

Also into this bag goes all of the I love you notes or I appreciate you that I have hidden in on their pillows or bathroom mirrors every year.

All awards and prizes go into this box--awana certificates, piano recital awards, group pictures of anything (dramas participated in, sports, summer programs, history group,--anything they have participated in and have won.)

There is a special big bag of all of their birthday celebrations with the family--pictures of them being celebrated--more on that another day!)

Birth certificates, baby foot prints, baby pictures, and any memorabilia that is important to them. Also, as they replace pictures and such from their rooms as they grow older, I put those in this box. Over the years, this box has become very full and heavy.

Samples of their writing or poems they have written or pictures they drew when they were little that were very special also go into a zip lock bag.

I took the time to write a little booklet of each of their stories when they were babies. Each story contains a history of how we prayed to God to give us a baby and that they were an answer to prayer. We also detail the hours of the day of their birth, how many people were excited that they arrived and how we chose their name. In this little book is a bit about how God has uniquely given them their own personality, their own color of hair, talents, likes and dislikes, with an ending page about "We can't wait to see how God is going to use you in the world."

We also took one family group picture every year and this goes into a picture book all its own.

Every year for the first years of their lives, I would collect 15 to 20 pictures that we had taken of them over the years. In their stocking at Christmas, they would get their own picture book--pictures of them with siblings, mom and dad hugging them, funny pictures, memory pictures, all placed in mind with the idea that we wanted them to feel that they came from a family who loved them, who celebrated their lives, and who were one for all and all for one. I would include sibling and family pictures where they were being loved or pals or celebrating life together because I wanted them to have a strong sense of family and how much we were all a part of each other. (Thus the picture of the girls being pals at a favorite beach will be in both of their minds.)

We stored these memory boxes in their closets. They were to be very special and not taken down often. On sick days or down days or snowy days, I would take down the box and let them put it on their bed. Each child loved having a box of memories about themselves--what love had gone into their souls, what the family stood for, how they were prayed into the world. It seemed to give them a deep sense of self worth and a history that was stored in their souls.

Of course there are some seasons when I could not do this just because life was so demanding--there are seasons when all al mom can do is just exist. But, all of the momentos that I would pick up over the years had a place to go--I would just throw it into their memory box. I have been amazed at how much, reminding them of their history and who they are and how much they are loved when they see the memories, has called each of them to a strong sense of "Clarkson-ness" They have roots, love, heritage and they are a people chosen and beloved and celebrated by God's love and our love. They will always have a place to belong and a place where they are safe and will be loved. And their memory boxes are a small way we have documented that love and history.

Close every day with a blessing

Mary Cassatt The Maternal Kiss

"And Jesus took the children in his arms and began touching them and He blessed them" Mark 10: 16

Last weekend when we were speaking at the Military Regional Women's Conference in Hawaii, someone asked Joy, my 16 year old daughter, to share how to reach the heart of your child or teenager, and she replied.

"Every night, no matter what, I knew that my mom would come to my bed and spend time with me and talk with me and pray with me before I went to bed. It was our time, where I could pour out my fears, my secrets, my confessions and my dreams. If you want to win your teen, you need to give them time to talk to you and bed time is a great time to do that."

I was a little surprised to hear her answer, that out of all the things we did, that came to her mind. But, early in our marriage, we heard someone speak about bed time being an important time for children and so Clay and I were very intentional about creating our own routines.

No matter what a day has held: fussing, conflict, excitement, drudgery, joy, celebration, hard work, putting the day to end well is a wise endeavor. When we understand this idea of blessing our child each night before they go to bed, it carries with it the idea of giving our children a peaceful heart. We give love to our child's heart when we tie all loose ends together with unconditional love by blessing them every night, putting to rest all of the burdens of the day and giving them into the hands of God. Every day, we ended in words of love and grace.

No matter what has transpired through out the day, we can close it by speaking to our child's heart. "I love you no matter what. Forgive me for my impatience today, please? Or I forgive you for your disobedience today. You are very precious to me. I am blessed to have you. You may go to sleep without bearing anger, or a guilty conscience, or fear, because I love you and God loves you and He will be with you. Sleep in peace, my precious."

Bedtime can be such a burden for an exhausted mom. Understanding that everyone's adrenalin is down helped me to remember not to cultivate conflict at night, but to wait for the next day to face problems head on, when everyone's bodies were more capable of dealing with issues. Please do not picture that our bedtimes were without struggle, but I think when you are intentional about making it an anchor of the day and guiding and leading your children into an expectation of the end of the day being relational, it becomes a grace to all that has transpired. But, bedtime gives our children one last impression of their whole day and it is a redeeming time of bringing and restoring and offering peace.

Clay and I had elaborate bedtime routines for our children when they were young so that they knew what was coming, and more easily submitted to the routine. As Nathan had some ocd about bedtime, we knew that if he could not remember the prayer and the kiss, he would not be able to go to sleep. So often, I would repeat a short prayer and say, "Now, I want you to remember this time, how much I love you and God loves you." And now I realize that children do not stay in this stage forever and one more kiss did not hurt me.

The Routine-- Bathtime, books, and the blessing

I had a very large tub in a couple of my homes. We would put the kids in with every imaginable toy in the world--whatever it took to keep them their and to give them a place to give up one last surge of energy. During this time, I would sit down and rest and read or have a cup of something, even if the dishes were still in the sink or the house was not cleaned up.  I would  just spend a few minutes restoring myself, because I wanted to be available to extend the last moments of the day blessing the kids.

Then we would take turns getting the children out, pajama'd, teeth brushed. Finally, if all was done in an orderly manner, we gathered in the living room for a short read aloud from a child's story book. This routine of expectation helped them to understand that bedtime and sleep time was coming. Our children seemed to thrive more easily on routine.

After we read, we would send the kids to the bathroom one last time, and then each child would be tucked into bed personally, touched or stroked on a forehead and prayed for and kissed. Every night we gave an "I love you," or "I am so very blessed to have you," or some intentional words of acceptance and encouragement."

I think positive peer pressure works well here. If you train your first child to this routine, "Now it is bedtime. We have bathed, read, prayed and now you get such a privilege--you get to snuggle in your lovely bed with your soft, cuddly stuffed animals and go into dreamland."

We always talked sweetly of their beds and made them as delightful as possible. When all the children work in routines together, the younger ones tend to follow the routine without much of a fuss. We often used words like, "You are growing so strong inside. You go to bed like a big boy or girl."

Often, as our children became older, the bedtime routines became longer because it meant night time talks in their rooms, sharing of hearts. With so many older children throughout my day, I knew that Joy would need just me time. From the very beginning, I would rock her and sing to her many songs and cherish her at night to make up for any distractions during the day. I would lay with her on her bed and talk and pray with her and this became our own special time.

Though it did require a commitment of heart and time on my part, as often we were ready to put the day away for our "own" time, I see now that this giving and ending with love meant so much to all of our children. Even now, it is sweet to see when the older kids are home, they all come upstairs to my bedroom--now they put me to bed, because they are staying up longer than me! Joel often sits on my bed for a half hour, just sharing his thoughts. It has become special to me--that my twenty something kids still come for a blessing, still want our affirmation and still won't go to sleep without the kiss and prayer.

Routines are often difficult to establish, but when cultivated, they become a habit that gives life, love and security. It is still a gift to me that I now get to share the sweet fellowship of my best friends, my children when they are home, to tie together all the lose ends, in love and peace.

The voices in my head

Eugene De Blass

No matter how hard you try, no matter what you do or what philosophy you adopt, you will always be criticized by someone. We all have voices in our head that try to speak to our heart about how we have failed or fallen short or disappointed someone.

I have often told my sweet children, if you stand up in front of people to lead, probably 20 percent of them already have some criticism of you, because a part of a sinful heart is to be critical. I know for me, when someone posts a critical comment on facebook or says something hurtful publicly, (like last week when someone publicly said, "I didn't get that much out of Sally Clarkson's stuff."), it tempts me just to quit. I believe the criticism and do not want to put myself out there anymore.

But that is not a mature response on my part and I have had to learn to put away the criticism and be humble and understand that I am never, never going to please everyone. But I have one who is pleased! My sweet, patient, compassionate heavenly Father.

Our first year we hosted a conference for moms, we had worked ourselves to exhaustion, invested long nights of planning and writing notes, preparing speakers, gifts to giveaway, took thousands of dollars of risk on the hotel to reach out to moms who needed support and encouragement. At the end of the conference, we offered a survey to ask the moms attending how we could improve.

By God's grace, we had mostly wonderful comments, but one stuck out as a lesson to me. A mom wrote in the section, "How can we improve," "I did not enjoy the conference because the rice was too spicy!"

This comment, was a sample of what I call, "Job's friends advice." Though Job was walking with God and serving Him and was chosen for his righteousness, his friends just knew he was sinning and that was why all of his problems came about in his personal life. Of course we know the other side of the story, he was experiencing terrible persecution and attack by Satan because he was the most righteous man on the earth and he was God's servant.

But unnecessary comments and criticism usually kill the spirit and wound the soul. I have many voices in my head that tell me I am not enough of some things--I am not natural at organizing, details, and perhaps I talk too much or am too passionate or whatever, you fill in the blank. We all have voices. One of those is Satan who accuses the believers day and night. Others are just insecure people. And of course, I think because we have a sin nature and we will not be able to tame all of our selfishness and immaturity until we get to heaven, we have our own guilt voices to accuse us.

But, as moms, we must hope that the voices in our children's heads that come from us speak to them of our unconditional love for them, our belief in their dreams, validation of God's call on their lives, encouraging words that give life to their souls.

I was asked to do a ten day blog article series on something to encourage moms, and so the next 8 to 10 articles on my blog will be about 10 ways to show your children love. But as I began to pray about this and think about it, I realized that loving our children starts with our heart and from our heart flows life and beauty and love and grace.

If in our hearts we have only resentment, frustration, selfishness and guilt, then no matter what else we do or attempt to create in the way of things to do to communicate love, it is our heart that will speak the loudest, because our heart determines the way we carry on every day.

So, the first thing I would suggest to show your children love is to look at your heart. Is is filled with overflowing generous love for your children? Have you accepted their limitations? Their personality? Their immaturity? Their  imposition?

I must admit that I had some voices in my head for so many years, from my family, that I was not acceptable to them. These voices determined some of my insecurity and pain. I did eventually deal with it and realize that even if I was never acceptable to them, I was free to enjoy God's love, His understanding of my limitations and yet His unconditional acceptance, and his divine grace. I seek every day to let His voice be the one who determines my worth.

But what a grace it would be to be a child whose mother intentionally placed voices that sounded a lot like God in the ears of her children--love, forgiveness, grace, hope, encouragement and life.

Verses to think about:

Love covers a multitude of sin. I Peter 4:8

Love is a perfect bond of unity. Col. 3:14

If you have not love, you become a noisy gong or clanging symbol. I Cor. 13

Even as a Father has compassion on His children, so the Lord has compassion on us. Psalm 103: 13

Application: Determine to become a voice of love in the heart of your children. Make a specific investment of words of life and love and grace each and every day--including today!

I am so delighted to be able to share these articles with all of you at the blog hop at: Heart of the Matter Be sure to check this great site out!

Also, please take a peak at a new network where I will be writing: thebettermom.com I am delighted to be able to be a writer there for this wonderful network and you can read about it and see my picture with my precious friend, Ruth, today by going there today!

Peace be with you, the Lord is near--right here, right with you, in your home. The Lord is near.

Aloha from paradise!

Joy and Sallymama (as the kids call me) at a Luau

When I committed to come speak to the regional women's armed services conference over a year ago, I did not know about the circumstances that would surround my life--Clay's surgery and recovery, wrecks, death of my mom, moving 2 children, and and and--or I would not have accepted this assignment. I would have felt it irresponsible.

Yet, as so often from my past years, God had a better plan. He knew that I would need time to refresh just a little and restore and have fun. Afterall, all work and no play makes Sally fall apart.

So the past 30 hours before we had to speak, we have "done" as  much of Hawaii as possible. Our wonderful hosts have helped us in our adventure.

Pineapple smoothies with fresh pineapple and a tour of the Dole plantation

A Luau with dancers, a roasted pic, fire juggling, an beautiful crowns and bracelets of hibiscus and other exotic flowers.

The beach and rolling in the waves (probably our favorite).

Seeing the battleships in Pearl Harbor and hearing the amazing and devastating stories and heroic, inspiriting stories,

fun, fun, fun and talk, talk, talk with my best pal, Joy

And I didn't know that I needed a break but boy am I glad that the Lord knew.

I think now I can face my life with more grace.

Sabbath rest can take many forms. Thank you, Jesus, for this gift and for these precious ones I get to share you with the next two days.

I am a delighted little girl.

Aloaha--and God grant you rest and peace and fun today.

Momheart conferences 2012--Register now!

Often, I am asked about my secrets of motherhood. “What did you do to open and win your children’s hearts, and fill them with God’s truth? How do you hold their hearts now as they move into young adulthood? What is your secret?” I always smile a little because I know there’s less to my perceived success as a mother than meets the eye and ear in my books, blogs, and talks. I have told many stories about my mothering exploits, and shared many biblical insights about motherhood, but they really all boil down to only a few key things I have done in my 28 years of mothering. Three simple secrets that enabled me to open, fill, and hold my children’s hearts. They are the personal commitments of what I will call heartshaping motherhood. My message for you this year is simple, straightforward, and uncomplicated. I am determined that no one will go home wondering whether or not they can be the mother God wants them to be. You can be! That’s my message. You can be confident. And no matter how complicated motherhood may seem at times, or how complex the maze of motherhood experts and advice may become, at the heart of everything you do for your children can be three simple commitments that will keep you on track. I want to share those three commitments with you (my “secrets”) because I believe they can change you and, even more important, your children.

Each year, I am more convinced than the one before that the world is ready for–indeed, is in desperate need of–a restoration of biblical motherhood. Young women today are entering the sacred calling of motherhood often with no model to emulate, no teaching on God’s design to follow, and no community of mothers from which to draw strength. This Mom Heart Conference is just one thing I can do to partner with the Spirit of God to renew the hearts of mothers. I hope you can join me.

I wanted to get this information out to all of you as soon as I could, because there is a great deal for the end of November registration deadline! Not only will you get $10 off of the regular registration price, you will also recevie a $10 voucher for the Book Table!

The Heartshaping Mom ~ How to Open, Fill, and Hold Your Child’s Heart

A MID-WINTER GETAWAY FOR YOU!

with Sally Clarkson & friends Wholehearted mother, author, blogger, and speaker

Now in our 15th year of ministering to mothers! Since 1998, this two-day conference and getaway has been a bright light in the gray days of winter for thousands of Christian moms in nearly 50 conferences in eight states. Sally Clarkson is a faithful champion for biblical motherhood, and this year her message for moms is personal and powerful. She will share her life-learned heartshaping secrets for how to open, fill, and hold the hearts of your children. She will be joined by other moms who share her passion for motherhood in messages, testimonies, and panel discussions.

Get away with us for fellowship and inspiration! You need to be with other wholehearted mothers like you! You need to be able to laugh and cry and shout and sigh about the same experiences. Come be refreshed, revived, and restored by being around other moms who want the same thing for their children that you want for yours. In addition to Sally’s and her guest speakers’ messages, this conference also includes practical workshops, inspirational worship, special media presentations, a lovely banquet luncheon, book tables, and more. Please join us

MOM HEART CONFERENCE ~ Denver/COS, CO

January 20-21, 2012 Denver Marriott South at Park Meadows, Littleton, CO

http://www.wholeheart.org/mhc2012-co/

MOM HEART CONFERENCE ~ Irvine/OC, CA February 3-4, 2012 Irvine Marriott Hotel, Irvine, CA

http://www.wholeheart.org/mom-heart-conference-2012-irvineoc-ca/

MOM HEART CONFERENCE ~ Irving/DFW, TX February 17-18, 2012 Dallas Marriott Las Colinas, Irving, TX

http://www.wholeheart.org/mom-heart-conference-2012-irvingdfw-tx/

Registration dates vary by location. Please check your city for specific dates.

Early Registration: $89.00 (see Super Early Registration Bonus below *) Regular Registration: $99.00

* Super Early 15 Year Celebration Registration Bonus! Register by November 30 and receive a $10.00 book table voucher! If you register by November 30, your $10.00 voucher will be included with your registration packet at the conference. You will not receive a coupon in the mail. Usable only at the conference book table. Not transferable. Offer expires November 30 at 11:59pm MT

For more information, full details, hotel information about conferences please visit:

http://www.wholeheart.org/

I miss my best friends

Nathan, who prayed for "one more baby, mom", playing with that baby

We cultivate beauty in our homes, we make sweet memories, we cook and celebrate birthdays and develop night-time rituals, cuddle up in beds and shared hearts, read a gazillion books huddled up on the couch, share favorite moves, wash a zillion dishes to wild music, cry together, live life together in close, deep friendship, so that wherever our children go into the world, they might have a treasure chest full of love, truth, beauty and life.

The only problem is, and Clay and I did not fully understand,  that it knits our hearts inextricably together,  through an invisible soul thread to their hearts, so that when they are off pursuing the adventure God has prepared for them, it leaves a big hole that no one else can fill, because our best friends are far away.

I am blessed beyond measure with sweet friends all over the world, but in the shaping of my children, I was building my very own best friends and I miss them. I am "being busy" and carrying off a good front, I think. But I cannot wait until we are us again, the Clarksons. This is my gang, this is where I most belong--wherever my best friends are.

When I was in Pennsylvania, Joy wrote on her facebook a message that said, "I miss my peeps, and I wish you would all come home." And Sarah said, "me, too, can't wait till we are together again." And Joel responded the same and it did my mother heart good to see my children, unprompted, longing for the same thing that is in my own heart. We all belong together.

Building requires a plan, and a whole lot of work

The Biltmore, Asheville, North Carolina

The wise woman builds her house, the foolish woman with her own hands, tears it down. I have often said, in my conferences, that when the building of a whole family, a history, a legacy of believers who will have an impact for godliness in the world captures the imagination of a woman, she will have a work to pursue, a vision to inspire her soul, that will last for a lifetime.

A wise woman knows that to build a house for God that will last generations, she must have a detailed plan. A woman can merely build a poorly constructed condominium or shack, or she can build a large, beautiful, functional estate, so to speak. The grand estate of influence, will obviously take much more work and planning, many more years to accomplish, but will accomodate literally thousands of people for generations. It just depends on the scope of her vision.

This house building will require hours and hours of blood sweat and tears. To be built well, it requires a detailed and artistic plan, and the plan will need to be reworked and adjusted and corrected along the way. Simply put, the building of  grand estate of righteousness will require her whole life and diligence and sacrifice for all of her days. And yet, so many just want it to be simple or over because they never knew or understood the scope and requirements.

Consequently, the foolish woman tears down her own home, not intentionally, most women do not mean to leave a legacy of broken children with scars of anger, lack of training and purpose. But they never knew how to build and were not willing to do what it took to build, because they were side swiped by the storm of it all.

But, let us understand, the foolish women tears down her opportunity to build, and will be held accountable by God, for what she built as he entrusted precious, eternal human beings into her hands, to shape for His kingdom and to learn His love and ways.

The problem with motherhood and the need for women to build godly estates of godly leaders in their homes, through multiple children that a woman will invest her life into, is that most women had no training, preparation or education of what it would take or how much it would cost them. Most just got married with the hope that someone would love them and take care of them and provide security and affirmation, and then babies came, and overwhelmed them.  They had never been trained for the job, never seen it modeled when they grew up,  never had a vision for how powerful a house (family) for God could be or how much work it would take.

So, life came along and so did the babies,  and overwhelmed and sweet women who have never had the opportunity to build a vision with a plan, find themselves up to their eyeballs in details and duties and the caring of babies without the support or input, accountability or help from experienced women who have built godly legacies. The greatest job in the world, that will indeed influence what our nation becomes, as the children of now become the legacy of adults for the next generation--and yet, no time or effort has been invested to educate or prepare these precious and significant leaders, moms, how to do it. And our churches ignore this important, Biblical call, and it just fades into nothingness in the priority the focus of woman's ministries in our generation. Satan would love nothing more than for us to minimize the importance of deeply investing our time and lives into the minds, hearts, souls and training of our children, because he knows they are essential to bringing the kingdom of God to bear in their generation.

For most moms, it is like facing a tornado and storms of life  or a battlefield for souls,  with no skills, preparation or resources or protection or help--the tornado of the present demands and the battles just takes over.

I have also observed that sweet ones want an immediate fix for this moment right now, the present emergencies of life, instead of understanding that this is a very long term project and much care must be given to the broad range of building. Planning must not be based on the emergency and immediate need, but on the long term building and work and endurance until the project is completed.

Planning is the key to what will be built and planning requires thought and time.

Today, this week, step aside from life and check what you are building. Simplify your plan, create the essentials, the rhythms that need to be established to get the work done, cut out the unnecessary expenditures of time and energy and money that are not necessary to the overall building and be sure to plan in rest every week along the way.

After coming home from 4 days of a wonderful conference, with lots of stimulation and ideas, I am home today, reworking my own plan of what I am building and will build in the year to come, and evaluating what is necessary, what my limitations are and what I can realistically complete.

May God bless your planning and vision, for without a plan, nothing great can be built.

Announcing... "Desperate - Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe"

(Can't see the video? Click here)