More Traditions, Especially for the Little Ones

At the end of a frigid night rumble on a scavenger hunt, family friends all warmed their freezing toes in front of the fire place while we warmed the hot chocolate.

Chilly, snowy nights are usually the norm of Colorado Decembers. Many years ago, we instituted a scavenger hunt Christmas party for our teens. We knew that they needed some outrageous, bigger than life sort of activities to keep them busy. We would divide up the teens into car fulls of kids.

Each car of kids (mixed up by a drawing of numbers to determine the car) had a list of things they had to bring home. First car to bring home all of the goodies on the list, wins a box of chocolates for their whole group.

Last year, we did a photo scavenger hunt. We listed 20 things that the kids had to find in our neighborhoods and they had to take pictures of that object and bring it home on their iphones.

Pictures like:

A candy cane ornament in someone's yard.

A picture of someone with a Santa Claus

A group of angels, etc.

The rule was, the kids from their team had to be in the pictures they took, so they could not get anything off the internet. The result was many hysterical pictures of kids around angels pretending to fly, or 4 of them on a Santa's lap. Of course, we always had trustworthy drivers who had been driving a while.The end reward was hot chocolate and cookies and pizza. The point of many of our "parties" was to give my children and their friends a place to belong and a place where we could shower our love and fun--to open their hearts to seeing Jesus' true love.

Delight was always a memory of mine from childhood, so this delight motivated me to fill our days and places with fun, surprising and delightful traditions. I filled my home (still do!) with interesting things children could touch and explore during the Christmas season...

  • A basket of golden books just the right size for little hands with Christmas stories.
  • The camel shown in the previous Traditions post
  •  the little dolls we would imagine stories with
  • last year's cards to cut up and glue onto construction paper
  •   picture books with my children's pictures in them through the years on the coffee tables
  •  Lincoln logs to build a Christmas village right on the hearth.
  • Little hand jingle bells to wear on their wrists to shake as babies when we would sing
  •  rhythm shakers, whistles and kazoos to help make up the Christmas band for our advents
  •  coloring books and crayons or pencils in a basket to draw with while we read the Christmas verses
  •  popcorn, fruit, pretzels and snacky things like cheddar fishes, with hot chocolate or tasty herb tea before we went to bed
  •  The creche scene my grandmother made--with cows and donkey, lambs, wise men and Jesus, Mary and Joseph were each placed and held and cherished. (We also had a wooden one the younger ones could pretend without the worry of breaking.)
Outreach party to neighborhood kids
We would also have a decorating party with our children for the Christmas tree, and often invite their friends from the neighborhood as a sort of outreach. We would have a tray with specific decorations on it, which all the children could take turns putting on the tree as we read the different verses with each decoration.
First we would talk about the evergreen tree, representing everlasting life--The tree is always green, as Jesu came to give us everlasting  life, so that we would never die but always be with Him in heaven forever. John 3: 16
A number of candy canes--each child would put a candy cane on the tree.
Then we would read Luke 2: 8-13. This passage tells of the shepherds who were out in the fields, keeping watch over their sheep when the angels appeared. The canes were symbols of the shepherd's staff--those shepherds who first heard of the news of Jesus being born. Jesus talked of being the good shepherd who lays down his life for his sheep. John 10: 11
We also speak of David seeing God as his shepherd and we read the first part of Psalm 23. The staff reminds us that Jesus will always take care of us and watch over us wherever we are.
 
 The swirl of the candy cane also shows the red of the blood Jesus, the good shepherd from John,  spilled when he died for us on the cross, by protecting us from the death that sin would bring to us.  The white shows that because of the sacrifice, we are washed as white as snow -- Isaiah 1:18, "Come now, and let us reason together," says the Lord. "Though your sins are as scarlet, they will be as white as snow; though the are red like crimson, they will be like wool."
An angel would come next. The angels were in the second part of this passage. They were celebrating Jesus's birth with great music, just like all the great music our family loves to sing and enjoy. The angels were God's special messengers who came to the earth with His messages--to Mary, to the Shepherds and to sing of His great glory as they do in heaven. Matt. 1:20; Matt. 2:13
 Then we would sing one song.
Next, Matt. 2:2 and a star for the top of the tree--God made a special star to celebrate Jesus' birthday. He put it in the sky so that the wise, learned men of the world could come to worship Him.
Lights to string around the tree remind us that Jesus is the light of the world. "The people that walked in darkness have seen a great light; they that dwelt in the land of the shadow of death, upon them the light has shined." Matt.4: 16 Also, "I am the light of the world; he who follows Me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.
A little treasure box--Matthew 2:11: "After coming into the house they saw the child with Mary His mother; and they fell to the ground and worshiped Him. Then opening their treasures, they presented to Him gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh." Even great kings and scholars believed in Jesus and came to give him gifts fit for a king.
Gold represents the idea that we should entrust our money and wealth into His hands.
A little vanilla candle to put on the tree--this fragrant gift that they brought to Him means that they found Him worthy of worship.--this represents our worship of Him--and that we pray to a God in heaven who hears our prayers and answers us.
A little packet with cloves, cinnamon sticks wrapped in netting and tied with a ribbon. This represents the myrrh. The spices were used to prepare someone for burial. Each of us has only a short time on earth and while we are here, we need to present our lives to Jesus so that when we see Him face to face, we will have lived our lives to please Him.
A little Christmas tray filled with candy canes ends the time. We say that the tray represents the idea that even though Jesus was the king of the whole world, he came to serve others and to show them the sweetness of His love and forgiveness--and then everyone gets to lick their candy cane.
This is just a summary, (Clay has it somewhere all written out!) But you get the idea. It always made the tree and all the ornaments on it meaningful when our children were young. And even the babies, when they didn't understand everything, liked toddling up the tree and putting something on a branch.
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What is your children's favorite tradition?

Mentoring Monday: Advocate or Adversary: Your view of God Determines your Parenting Philosophy

Severin Nilson

Seems that when I write on child discipline, I always get the most interest and controversy at the same time. I would never want to offend anyone, but it is a huge issue and debate amongst believers.  My desire is to offer, perhaps, some perspective and to encourage moms in this role. I never want to offend or hurt anyone's feelings, and yet, I have learned the a gentle answer turns away wrath. Our sweet children need our gentleness and patience even as we need God's.

But the questions keep coming: How do we do it? What is the method? What are the rules for every single situation, age, and how to match the discipline to the action? What to do? What to do?

And yet, I have realized over the years that the most important element to a Christian parent, in regards to discipline, is not the method, but the heart attitude towards God as a Father of us.

If one believes that God is works oriented, possibly harsh in correcting our sin, relentless in pursuing our keeping of the law, then one will be more likely to be harsh in discipline, and feel it is an obligation of parents to correct and point out every flaw of character and immaturity of a child-- that  correct behavior is the goal, then often, this person,  can tend to believe in harsh discipline methods, with a good heart, thinking they are saving their child's soul. This is the parent who embraces adversarial parenting.

However, I believe that the more a person truly understands the character of God and His mercy and love and patience and servant's heart as a parent toward his children, then one must adopt the role of an advocate towards their children as God is our advocate. Even as the Holy Spirit is our advocate and as Jesus lives daily to intervene and to pray for us, His children, so God is there to help us, to love us, to draw us, through His love and mercy, to His holiness.

Indeed, God is our advocate and models to us a parent's love that eventually ended for him in sacrificing His whole life for the sake of His children.

I loved this quotation from a book in my library.

“The One who knew said, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.” Happy, that is are those people who know that their spiritual power is small, that their creeds are imperfect, that their instruction concerning God and man is incomplete. Happy are those who know that they do not know all of the truth,. For only those who admit their spiritual poverty are willing to learn. Agnes Sanford, 1897-1982

Always with a basket of books by my comfy chair, I have been reading a wonderful book called Spiritual Classics, a renovare resource edited by Richard Foster and Emilie Griffin. I have read most of the books Foster has written.

What Agnes wrote so expresses my heart. How very grateful I am for the grace and patience of God as He leads me, his child. He is so committed to my own holiness and sanctification, but so wise and patient with me as I make progress. I am grateful He sees my heart. I try so hard, I fail so miserably and so often. Yet, He does not embarrass me or demean me, He simply walks this road with me, by my side, drawing me to His ways, coaching me to walk in His truth, teaching me to obey one day at a time.

At every juncture, He teaches me something new. He opens my eyes to wisdom, love, an eternal perspective. I know I am needy and weak.  I listen to His voice because he has been trustworthy. He loves me. He leads me in truth. He is my Father.

Thank God, He has never shown me all of my sin every time I sin. God gently works on one of my heart sin areas at a time, and has never blown me over with all of my immature attitudes. At almost 59, I am still learning and always so very disappointed at my ability to sin and to be imperfect. And still he loves me and forgives me and shows me His path, which leads me to freedom and peace and His unlimited love for me. This makes me want to keep following Him and loving Him. His love and grace lead me to devotion. I do not think I would respond well with harshness because I would just want to give up--I am well aware of my shortcomings.

But thanks be to Him, that it is His kindness and mercy that leads to repentance.

Please know that I cannot cover everything in one short video or blog and that I did train, teach, correct my children and teach the truth of God's word and show them consequences of their choices. However, the more mature I became, the more I understood God's parenting of me, and the more I had the heart to reach the heart of my children as God also reached my heart.

Whether a baby, a toddler, a teen or an adult, our hearts are open to those who develop a loving relationship with us and those whom we can trust to do us good and not evil--all the days of our lives.

And so I do pray that God will show you His love and mercy today so that your own heart will spill over to your children with love and mercy, and that you will become their advocates for good, even as our heavenly Father is our own advocate and gentle shepherd of our souls.

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Winners of Mom Heart conference Tickets

Krissy Miller from Goodmorninggirls

and 571 Michelle Beauchamp from itakejoy.com

 

Congratulations, Krissy and Michelle! So glad you won. Hope you have a wonderful time. See you there soon! :)

 

Searching for some brain space and quiet

 

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be. Anne Frank

Last night, Sarah and I sat on the couch and dreamed of places remote where we could go away to the quiet--to be still for hours and hours to ponder life and to just be. How lovely such an escape would be--I chose the ocean and she the mountains--but both would be secluded and quiet.

I have had so little brain space lately as it has all been filled with people, activity, duties and chores.

But God has put on my heart to attempt to be a Mary for a while, hidden away, even for just a bit.

And so today, that is where I will be at least part of the day--hidden and not answering phones or looking at the internet--but just away to empty some of my brain again so I will have a little more time to think and just be.

Peace of the Lord to you all.

Creating Community: A Tradition that Gathers and Celebrates Friends

Seventeen moves, 6 times internationally, has found me alone and lonely so many times. Starting all over with a church, being the new mom in the neighborhood, trying to find at least one friend for every single child, getting a good piano teacher--and the list goes on and on.

So, as I prayed over the years for someone--just someone--to invite my family over or to reach out to me in a new place, God put it on my heart, that I was supposed to be the initiator.

A part of owning my life and taking responsibility, I learned, was to figure out what my needs were, so that I could survive one more move, and then to begin to put anchors in place in my life so that some of my needs would be met. I realized early on that I was expending myself in the lives of my children at such a pace that if I didn't refuel and take time to fill my own soul, there would be nothing for my children to draw from when they looked to me for life.

So, about 6 years ago, I started a small Bible study group in my home for moms. I needed a group, so I started a group. Come to find out, a lot of the other moms needed a group, too.

We would meet once a month in my home and people would share a snack and take turns and then after a while of just talking and catching up, we would have a Bible study together that I had prepared.

Hot Spiced Apple cider, decaf coffee and Christmas tea, with plates and plates of delicious food!

The first Christmas, we decided to have a Christmas tea. Each mom would bring a favorite mug or cup and also a heavy appetizer (pizza, small sandwiches, meatballs, pita and humus, etc.) and also a sweet to share.

Now, six years later, we gathered again--and some have been coming since the very beginning, we gathered again, and had 79 people.

People sit in every room in the house--

Last night, we had lots of sweet babies,

Sarah holding a sweet baby whose mom needed reprieve to eat!

When all of the chairs and couches are gone, friends line up on the stairs or sit on the floor.

With so many moms gathering, it takes a lot of friends helping to make sure everyone is cared for!

One friend is the parker and helps women find parking places up and down the driveways and streets.

Another friend, that I had not seen in a while, stood at the door and passed out name tags and helped welcome all of our new mommies and told everyone where to put their food---boy did we have a feast.

Two friends organized the food, drinks and left me with 3 cans full of Christmas cookies from the leftovers.

Mary, the mother of Jesus, is always the study or our Christmas devotional.

Now, these 6 years later, I have such friends, such memories, so much fun and feel like my own cup is filled because of these precious ones who take the time to gather.

"To have a friend," my mom used to repeat, "one must be a friend."

And so, I am blessed over and over again. Instead of loneliness, I have sweet moms who gather to celebrate life, eat and talk and talk, and then focus our hearts together on Him who is the source of all of our strength.

This is a great time to start a new tradition, don't you think, of asking God to gather in your home, other women who are longing to share life together, and gathering friends who will strengthen and pray for each other through years of the seasons of life as a mom.

Each year, I store up sweet memories with friends, and remember just how full my life is to have been blessed with a community of moms who, over the years, have made the time to gather and each of whom has blessed my life and made it so full. I am indeed so very thankful.

Traditions Especially for Little Ones! {Part One}

Truly one of the most wonderful parts of Christmas is that everything is magnified through the eyes of our children. Coming up with ideas of things that would delight them and then continuing those traditions every year brings much joy to all of us!

A sweet friend asked me to write about the traditions we practiced when our children were little. There are so many that I would have to write pages to adequately describe them all. We did different things at different stages. However, the goal of Christmas traditions is not to do the most elaborate and difficult things, but to help your children love Jesus, revere Him, enjoy His story, to transport the beauty of the Christmas carols so deeply into their hearts. I tried to make things so familiar when they were quite young,  that when they hear the familiar carols as adults, it will flood them with deep memories cherished even from the rocking chair of their mother.

Of course, it is the whole year that will make our children fall in love with Jesus if He is daily cherished in our home. "Look at the twinkling stars that Jesus put into the sky for our pleasure. Isn't He wonderful?"

"I am so glad that Jesus made grapes. I love to eat them."

"Isn't it wonderful that Jesus created us to love music so we could sing and dance?"

... and all in the midst of the other rhythms of life.When the Christmas season was at hand, we would always say, "Now we get to have the best birthday celebration of all! God came to the earth through a little baby to help us, love us and save us. And we get to celebrate His birthday and love Him more by telling His story and singing to Him."

We need to look at little children as Jesus did--they have innocent hearts, they freely love, they adore great stories, surprises, fun and giggles--they want to be generous and give of themselves without self-consciousness. And so we approach the season with their sweet minds in consideration.

I started out by singing the carols each night to my babies as I nursed them, so that they learned them from infancy. At two and a half, one night as I was singing "Away in the manger" to Joy (very verbal and articulate at an early age), and she looked up and me and said, "Mama, isn't it amazing that the cows blew Jesus and he didn't even get mad?"

I said, "What do you mean?" She said, "The cattle were blowing the baby awake, but little Lord Jesus, no crying He makes."   She had engaged her little mind seriously thinking about cattle blowing Jesus awake!

As the children multiplied and became a little older, we would put all in pajamas and have advent with them each night, singing a carol together, in the light of the candles of our advent wreath and then reading our advent verse before they climbed into bed. It is easy for others to hear of our traditions and imagine that somehow we had total cooperation, but of course our children wiggled or argued -- "You sat next to mama last night! It's my turn!" or "He keeps tickling my toe with his feet."

But somehow, it was the rhythm of keeping going and celebrating it the same way year by year that made it precious to the children. The expectation that when the dark of night came, we would all cuddle up on the couch and sing and eat little snacks and read fun Christmas tales and have one more piece added to the adventure of the story of King Jesus.

Books everywhere, in every nook and corner, practically memorized.

One of my friends gave me this lovely idea. We would buy at least one new Christmas book a year. But her idea was to wrap all of your Christmas books in tissue paper and put them in a basket and after advent each night (or whenever you do it), the children take turns picking out one book to unwrap as a present and get to read that one before going to bed. This also makes each book a treasure. If you want to make it easier, you can have an older children wrap up the book each night after it's been read so that it will be ready for the next year and then you won't have 24 books to wrap!

What traditions do you enjoy with your little ones? (Big ones, too?)

The Gifts We Give Our Children

During this season it seems all the world is focused on gifts.

We are making lists of them, choosing them, wrapping them, displaying them, mailing them, hiding them, and finally actually *giving* them, anticipating the look of delight on a child or friend's face. While there's a lot of lamenting out there over the commercialization of Christmas, it does sometimes strike me as ironic when we get all bent out of shape over the to-gift-or-not-to-gift question, since Christmas, at its heart, is all about The Greatest Gift ever given--Christ, Himself!

And so I too will hunt and gather, wrap and mail joyfully, whether homemade goodies, special things gathered from a thrift store, or something lovely from the mall. I am sure of the center of my Christmas, because it's the center of my life.

Ministry of Motherhood was written after I discovered something very exciting to me. While we are not exactly flooded with detailed examples of wonderful mothers on the pages of Scripture, there is in the life of Christ Himself a true wealth of lessons to be learned, if we only search for them! His interactions with His disciples are packed with so many truths, so much light for our own paths as moms.

As my children were growing up, Clay and I together worked out a framework for what we wanted our home life to look like. We knew we wanted to give our children eternal gifts; the gifts the Lord had given to us. We eventually came up with an outline to carry us through the training of our children as we walked daily with them--gifts we hoped they would in turn pass on to a broken and needy world. Using the word GIFTS as an acronym helped us to remember what our spiritual priorities were. Here they are, as shared in The Ministry of Motherhood:

G represents the gift of grace--the kind of undeserved but freely given love and favor that comes from God. We model grace by extending it to our children, but also by insisting that they learn to extend it to others. Practically speaking, the gift of grace is all about relationships. It's the desire and ability to relate personally and lovingly to God and people.

I represents the gift of inspiration--which is all about motivation and purpose. This gift is essentially the desire and ability to view all of life in the light of God's sovereignty and purpose. Inspiring my children to understand God's purpose for their lives and say yes to His call provides them with a sense of meaning. It helps give them the energy they need to do what God wants in their lives.

F represents the gift of faith--both content and attitude. We give this gift both by teaching "the faith" (sound doctrine, biblical literacy, practical application) and by modeling what it means to live in faith, trusting God for our needs. Biblical faith gives my children the strength they need to proceed in thier walk with the Lord. The gift of faith is the desire and ability to know God through His Word and Spirit and to trust Him for every area of life.

T represents the gift of training--the desire and ability to grow in Christian maturity and godly character in the power of the Holy Spirit. It's not just telling children how to live, not just modeling right behavior, but repeating these lessons with patience and perseverance until they become part of their lives. Training is a process of gradually moving a child's character and habits in a godly direction.

S represents the gift of service--the desire and ability to minister God's grace and truth to others. Giving my children a heart for ministry teaches them how to serve God tangibly and practically by using their hearts and their hands for ministry.

 

This book, which I'm featuring here this month, lets me share some of the lessons I learned about being a mom from studying Jesus--plus stories from our house showing just a bit of the many things my children have taught me! I hope you'll be inspired and encouraged to follow Jesus' example with your own children, and consider making your own list--or fleshing out this one--with the things you want to pass on as you walk with your family. You can buy a copy of The Ministry of Motherhood by clicking here!

Have you come up with any great ways to remember your main priorities with your children?

Mentoring Monday Honor: The foundation of manners and reverence

Mentoring Monday: Honor, the Foundation of Manners and Reverence {Sally Clarkson vlog}

Mentoring Monday: Honor, the Foundation of Manners and Reverence {Sally Clarkson vlog}

Pieter Pietersz

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any.

Fred Astaire

If a child is to learn to worship God, to give Him the worth, the honor and glory he deserves, he learns the value of honor by seeing it in his family and by practicing it as a way of life.

God tells children to "Honor their mother and father" and in this command is a practice of showing respect, giving worth, humbling one's self--in short practicing seeing the value in another person. When people are valued, valuing God and worshipping Him is already a pattern in the heart.

Manners must be modelled, trained, valued, so that that which is sacred may be learned through the life of a home. It is one of the best skills and heart attitudes a parent may give to a child.

If there is no place in our lives where we must be hushed, out of reverence, when we enter a place; if vulgarity and crudity of language offers no pang of shame; if there is no sense of reverence in the grid of our lives that requires us to bow our own self in the presence of someone greater, then passing on a sense of awe and humility when we are in God's presence will be impossible. We practice humility and honor with our peers that we may worthily understand God's rightful place in our lives as the sovereign over all.

Living Beyond What Seems Possible

 Living through many seasons of challenges and difficulties, has taught me that I am capable of more than I sometimes feel I can handle. When a mom learns, by faith, to reach beyond what she thinks is possible, when circumstances "feel" too difficult, to search for and look for joy and beauty in life, she glories God with a beautiful service of worship. When things go wrong as they so often do (why is it so often, anyway?) I might feel like having a spiritual tantrum, and  sometimes, I do! But I have learned that complaining and pulling into the darkness doesn't really change things.  Slowly, I have learned to choose to take the higher road of looking for Him and for His wisdom at every turn in the road.

It has been all of the twists and curves that have made me humble to understand others, stretched my capacity to serve and believe, and caused me to see that God is much bigger than my problems and has greater purposes than I could see at the time.

As Christians, we are supposed to reflect God's character, because we were made in His image and His Spirit lives within us. It's natural to be selfish; it's supernatural to be loving. It's natural to be arrogant and prideful or complaining; it's supernatural to be humble and ask for forgiveness and give gracious love. We are the reflection of God, everywhere we go! How do you become more like God? By worshiping Him and pondering Him in all of the places He takes us in life!

In the same way that a child develops maturity and strength over days, months and years, so as God's child, we develop slowly over time. Each new challenge builds our spiritual and character muscles--but it is a process over time.

I think sometimes we feel that if we just did the right things, our lives would be easier. We spend a lot of time trying to figure out the abc's that will lead to a happy, simple, fuss-free life. And it's very aggravating when we find that doesn't work! For some people, it's more than aggravating; it can lead to a loss of faith. Yet that's not what God has invited us to do. He desires us not to perform works or to follow formulas. Instead, we are invited to a loving, deep relationship with Him that will grow with time. As we want our children to trust us and obey us, so God desires our trust in His ability to Father well.

And so we must live that way with our children too. Having a great home life is not about a formula; not a matter of getting the right quiet time book to read or a formula for keeping the house orderly all the time. It's really all about the rhythms and culture of our homes. It's about the way life flows within our four walls. Even now as our own children have grown and moved into their adult lives, I can see it's still our love, the traditions, the rhythms that they miss.  When they were little, we danced while doing dishes. We put on loud, fun music when the kitchen got too messy. We celebrated life together through the good times and the bad. You can do that, too! The grace you give, the way you work when no one is looking is being seen by your sweet ones who are taking it all in. Your life is the story being watched carefully by your children--they are taking mental notes!

Laziness and resistance to the work load was common for me as a young mom. I was inexperienced (as a mom) and I didn't even know it! Now I see work is a glory to God. I learned to serve my kids, to get up in the mornings and practice working, and now I can see the results. My children say they can't wait to get home because they miss our dinner table times, the home that became a haven, and the predictable life that took so long for me to develop. God is winsome; you have to celebrate God and love Him in front of Him for your children to be able to see Him. It's the reality of God's life that your children will fall in love with.

God is truly the easiest person to please when you just have a heart of faith and understand His mercy, patience and grace. To Him we are  mere toddlers and He gives us time to grow.  Your home is the practice field for maturity and character.You will never be perfect--don't waste time feeling guilty or inadequate! It just leads to a road of discouragement. But accept your limitations as God does, as a good parent doesn't expect adult behavior from His toddler.

In the same way, don't give up on your children. Lean into the process of life. Live beyond what you think is presently possible. Keep praying and believing and loving and disciplining. Children give you a reason to civilize culture. There is no silver bullet and if you're trying to find it-- thinking, "If I could only find the right book or formula, life would be perfect,' you're not living in this fallen world with the reality of trusting God.

The sooner you give up your perfectionist determination and plans, the quicker you're going to be subject to the grace of God to work in a real way in your life.

It's not about how you feel, it's what you do with how you feel.

Hangeth thou in there. And trust that He can help you live beyond what seems possible!

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There's much more of this message, and it's this month's featured audio! You can grab it as an instant download here: MomHeart Audio: Restoring God's Mom Heart.