Tea Time Tuesday: Practicing Living By Faith

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Last week, I got my “travel” cut that takes me through stormy weather, rain, snow, wind as I board planes, trains, subways and work and play over seas. As I prepare for my next trip, I have been reviewing the journey of faith that opened doors to these opportunities through decades of my life. These are some of the messages I hope to record in messages I hope to record in the year ahead as a part of a leadership training course.

Here is part of my children’s back story.

Rounded eyes filling up with tears and a hoarse whisper made me pay attention.

"Mama, can I speak with you alone?"

Finally, I had a quiet moment to speak with my child much too late in the night.

"Mama, I don't know if I believe in God any more. I am trying believe because of everything you have taught me, but I have so many doubts, fears, questions and I wonder if God ever listens to my prayers.”

Almost 13, I knew that as a budding young adult, the darkness of the world and several very difficult personal issues had confronted my sweet, here-to-fore innocent child.

All four of our children voiced the doubts that haunted them in the midst of their foraying into contemporary culture. The doubts came individually to each of our children over time. There is a process of discipleship that had to take place in the midst to help them keep going. As I look back over the years, by standing with them through challenging times, telling them that God was big enough to handle their doubts, loving them when they were easy to love and when they were thorny, God graciously allowed us to help our children keep walking, keep choosing to believe, though all have walked through seasons of darkness. Believing forward in their lives, speaking into their great worth to God, giving them a sense that each choice of faith matters was the mantra of our voices in their lives.

At least for the moment we see them making choices to follow. And so Clay and I continue to pursue them as faithfully as we are able.

God had his prodigals and He was a perfect Father. Yet, a picture of God throughout all of scripture is a faithful, constant Father, lovingly pursuing His children, seeking them, dying for them, teaching them, calling out to them to follow Him, love Him and wait for His coming at the end of the age.

How important it is for us to remember and understand that Satan was casting shadow on God's character and casting doubts about God's trustworthiness from the beginning of the creation of man. It is not because you are a bad or inadequate parent that your children doubt God and Christianity, but instead it is a profound part of our battle.

"Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." I Pet. 5:8

With the world falling apart at the seams, we need to give our children (and ourselves), strong foundations of faith. Cultivating understanding, belief and trust in God are the most important priority of our lives to be faithful to build. All of the other accomplishments in life are second to passing on faith. The wonderful news is that we have an advocate, the Holy Spirit, God Himself, who cares even more that our children can grow and come to belief. You are not alone.

"So faith comes from hearing, and hearing by the word of Christ." Romans 10:17

All of our lives, if we are believers, our goal is to relate to God, His purposes, His plans, His personal love and involvement and love for us, and His faithfulness to us,  no matter what assails us in our lives. It is our glory to walk with Him every day until we see Him face to face.

So often, I see younger women fretting about educational issues and worldly accomplishments in the lives of their children. Focusing on the temporal and being distracted by daily duties can take our eyes off the fact that the battleground for life is for hearts and souls coming to God and holding fast to him. It is the issues of faith that need our fervent attention. The world that my own adult children have entered is a world filled daily with temptations and discouragement and challenges. I see so much how tending to their hearts and souls while they were children in my home has given them strength and fortitude to face the obstacles in their lives that come every day.

When they are confronted by such serious issues, they need to have the voice of truth speaking to them from all that they have stored up in the recesses of their hearts and minds.

The most profound gift parents can give to their children is a true, heart-felt, foundational wisdom of faith that will carry them through all the seasons of their lives.

"And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him." Hebrews 11:6

As I reflect on the ways we built such a faith into the lives of our children, so that, by God's grace, up to this point, they have held fast to their love and faith in God, was based on 3 aspects of faith.

1. All children and adults need to have a basic knowledge of the corpus of faith from Genesis to Revelation. I am basically talking about an overview of scripture: The overall story of God as found in His word as well as the stories of those who walked with God to give them a pattern of faith. Reading the Bible and teaching the stories is over a long period of time — at least 18 years — so do not feel you need to tackle the whole Bible in one year. Little by little building your own knowledge as you build your children's knowledge.

2. Modeling the action of faith and teaching the footsteps of faith at each juncture of life is essential for believers to learn what is looks like to live everyday through the pathways of life, trusting God. For instance, when a trial occurs (illness, financial issues, relational issues, etc) the way a parent responds to God in faith is how a child will learn to live by faith. If a parent says, "Our God has promised to meet our needs, so lets ask Him to give us wisdom in knowing how to approach this situation." And then if the parent moves forward by trusting God and not complaining or whining then the child learns that trusting God is real in personal moments from watching an older wiser person live in the reality of God's presence amidst life every day. (Part of you cultivating faith is finding people that give you a model of what faith in the midst of trials looks like — or gathering mentors through books as I did.)

3. Finally, there is one last aspect of faith that is necessary for our growth. All of us need to understand that faith is an action that moves us forward in taking risks to see God move supernaturally through our lives to bring His light and kingdom to bear. If a parent tells a child to live by faith by taking his light to the world, then the parent should be one who starts a Bible study by inviting people to their home, or serving at homeless/refugee shelters/teaching a children's class at church, etc. Faith moves a person to act for love of God. In order for us to have the reward of our faith, by seeing Him work, we must step out to trust God by reaching out to a lost world. It is in a ministry life that we sense the presence, wisdom and blessing of God upon our lives and better understand His sacrifice. In giving, we receive — but faith is the energy that takes us to this active, engaging life with God.

Precious ones who are reading this, I want you to know that I understand that your road with motherhood is so often exhausting and tiring. I am spending special time tomorrow praying for you to know the sweet love and peace of our God and to be encouraged in knowing that you are not alone and that what you are doing is of eternal importance.

May you be blessed and blessed with truth and grace today.

Being Aware Of Your Need For God

The situation for each one might be different: a broken marriage, a prodigal or otherwise seemingly impossible child, financial issues, loneliness, failure, deep soul wounds and rejection at the hands of those who should have loved us, broken dreams.

Whatever the situation, we feel alone, unnoticed, helpless. Of course, this is just the place where God can teach us to rely on Him completely. He so desires to be the One who fulfills our greatest longings. He wants us to know His voice of guidance, purpose, love, and mercy.

Read more about this in Mom Heart Moments.

Tea Time Tuesday: Practicing Biblical Friendship

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"Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends." -John 15:13

We were made to do life in community, with friends side by side as Jesus was to His disciples. Someone to listen to our thoughts, pain, guilt, dreams. Someone to companion us through all circumstances of life and to love us in spite of our differences.

A profoundly important attribute of Jesus was his friendship to His beloved band of followers. We are the first example of friendship to our children.

We were never meant, or expected, to do life alone. Friendship teaches us how to become an invitation of love to others in everyday life, and how to teach our children to be a friend throughout life.

Cultivating a heart for friendship lays a foundation that will serve our children (and you!) the rest of your life. One of the deepest blessings of my life at this stage is the very close, intimate, inspiring, fun friendships I have with my now adult children. But, of course, as with everything else, it took years of heart-work. After all, we invested years and years in one another's lives.

I pondered what would build strong friendships with my children when they were quite small. What principles build friendship?

1. Time and Availability. Whatever the age, children develop better when they know we will make our time together a priority. People grow close not through monitoring one another’s behavior but by working together, playing together, talking together, celebrating together, weeping together. Relationships develop when people are there for each other—and that’s as true for parents and children as it is for anyone else.

2. Acceptance and Unconditional Love. In building meaningful relationships with my children, I must learn to accept unconditionally the person God made each of them to be—even with personality traits that differ from mine or that make me uncomfortable. I need to accept the “warts” and irritating characteristics that may never change. I have to love my children with a mature commitment that reaches past my feelings for them, which can change from circumstance to circumstance.

3. Affirmation and Encouragement. I believe most children, (and adults) are acutely aware of their limitations and their failures. While they might need correction for their mistakes and or even confrontation for their sinful selfishness, they also need recognition for their real efforts and accomplishments and positive reminders of who they can be with God’s help. And sometimes we need to remember, "It is to a man's honor to overlook a sin."

4. Grace. Our children need us to give them the grace to grow. If we make them think that we expect perfection, then eventually they may give up trying to please us, because they know they will always fail, or they may spend their whole lives feeling guilty for their failures. And sometimes when life has too many rules, as teens, our children will quit telling us the truth of what they are doing for fear we won't understand or will condemn them. (We cannot live by fear.)

5. Relationship Training. We need to consciously train our children in the skills and attitudes that will enable them to sustain positive relationships. A person can only experience true intimacy when his heart has been deepened and exercised in real love and commitment. Practice in manners and speech and gracious behavior comes over a lifetime of cultivating this day in and day out. This is taken from  Mission of Motherhood by me!)

Friendship is not frivolous but essential to our emotional, spiritual and physical well being. Solomon, the wisest man in the world, wrote this.

two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:

If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

We were made for companionship, community, close friendship. We are happier deep down, flourish more, grow stronger in every way when we have a close friend standing with us in life.

Work is better with a friend, helping one another up from a fall, keeping warm, defending against an enemy.

He also said, “A friend loves at all times.” Proverbs 17:17—when it is convenient, when it is not.

Jesus made very clear that friendship, laying down a life for a friend, was the centerpiece for passing on the knowledge and love of God from one generation to another. It is why he chose his disciples and modeled to us what love and influence looks like. Seeking godly friends, building this kind of community is holy work.

“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” — Marcel Proust 

What Makes A Table Lifegiving?

The table is a vehicle for spiritual influence, godly mentoring, true connection of hearts and minds. And that can happen anywhere, but it will not happen by accident. We must be prayerful and intentional about preparing for the table, then reaching out, encouraging, teaching, showing interest through our questions, teaching, loving as we enjoy meals, coffee, tea, or a snack with others every day, every year, all the time.

It starts with developing a lifegiving self-image, seeing ourselves as mentors and ministers. We are not just cooks and servers and fellow diners. Instead, we are called and commissioned to be the hands of God’s love to those He brings our way, the voice of God’s words in our messages and conversations, the touch of God’s love in initiating friendship and seizing the moments given to us each day.

From The Lifegiving Table.

Your Children Will Follow Your Example

God has entrusted to you the stewardship of your home and children. You are called to subdue your home domain—to bring life, joy, and beauty to every part of it by doing all the work that is required to care for the place you call home and the people you call family. It is sacred work for sacred people—a holy responsibility and an offering you make to God.

God has made you the working model for your children. Little eyes are watching and little ears listening to how mama handles the tasks that each new day brings. If you complain every night about washing the dishes, your children will adopt your attitude. If you resent the work others create that you must do, your little ones will feel free to resent their duties.

However, if you have an attitude of pride and joy in caring for your home, your children will follow your example. You will help shape them into independent workers with a self-perception that says, “This is my room and my house, and I want to help keep all of it clean and nice.”

Read more about this in 10 Gifts of Heart.

Tea Time Tuesday: Biblical Endurance: A Legacy Of Faith, One Step At A Time

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The Sistine Chapel Ceiling, painted by Michelangelo

“Great works are performed, not by strength, but by perseverance.” -Samuel Johnson

“For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God, you may receive what was promised.” -Hebrews 10:36

Life is a long story for most of us. The sum of what we have accomplished when we go to see Jesus face to face is not measure by one deed, or one act of faith. It is measured by years of love growing, compassion stretching, faithfulness practiced over and over. When we add up a life of faithfulness in serving God, accumulating maturity, grace, knowledge, wisdom, failure, forgiveness, compassion — it is thousands of moments choosing to practice greatness, one moment at a time.

The history of the Sistine Chapel

Michelangelo painted over 5000 square feet of ceiling, one stroke at a time, while on his back, high on a small scaffold. Hundreds of scenes from the Bible, meticulously painted. Set backs, mold problems, scaffolding problems, financial issues, criticism, and more. It took him 4 years to complete this work. Yet, now, millions of people have admired his gorgeous art.

For him, it was grueling, sweating work that took a master artist perseverance and endurance of great magnitude to finish this distinguished work. He painted to make a living, but his real love was sculpting.

So it is with our lives. God has given us this opportunity, today, to invest our lives for His glory. But greatness requires endurance, perseverance. Am I one who keeps going, seeking, trusting, moving ahead by faith? What does it require us to accomplish God's work? A steadfast heart, mind and work ethic.

Today, as you contemplate Him, and His work, may you commit to keep fervent, patient, strong in His call to use you through your life to bring His kingdom work to bear on a world that is desperate for His touch and redemption.

Join me today on my podcast to hear more specific ways to encourage your heart and to give you fuel to be faithful in your story and Bible references.

Praying for all of you today. You are deeply loved and seen.

What Lifegiving Parenting Is About

In many passages throughout Scripture about the life of God, the light of God also shines. The first words of God in the Bible are “Let there be light” (Genesis 1:3), for without light, there is no life. David says, “The Lord is my light and my salvation” (Psalm 27:1), the One who saves his life. Jesus, the incarnate Son of God, proclaims, “I am the Light of the world; he who follows Me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the Light of life” (John 8:12).

So when we give our children God’s life, we are also giving them His light. It is the light of God that will shine in our hearts and our homes so that we can be a beacon of hope to the world around us.

Each Child Is A One-Of-A-Kind Design

We are all complex people, each with areas of strength and areas in which we are fragile or broken. In a fallen world, imperfections will attend our days until we move into eternity. And we must learn to make allowances for those broken areas while holding ourselves and others accountable for doing the best we can with what we have—and realizing that none of our flaws and broken places can change our inherent value as persons.

I had to learn that God never intended me to judge my children’s value by how well they fit the assembly line of cultural expectations or my own dreams of what I thought motherhood should be like.

Each of them was an individual, one-of-a-kind design. Each had a special purpose in the world. And each had a special set of gifts and challenges that affected the way they operated in the world. 

Read more about this in Different.

Generously Speaking Words of Life

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“Sweet boy, I love your heart. I love your passion for life. I love your inquisitive mind. The fact that you ask questions so much means you have an active mind. I think you will become a Daniel in your generation, giving a picture of faith to many who do not know how to believe. And I am soooo very glad God gave you to me."

My son had been cuddling up to me, wearily leaning under my shoulder with big, sad eyes, as he spoke of getting reprimanded for talking too much in a class, again! So often, his bubbling up got him into trouble. But slowly over years, God had given me a view of his heart, beyond his behavior. I knew that deep inside, there was a desire to know answers, to live well, to be a hero--a superman in his lifetime. But God gave him a mama to draw out the hero that was inside, in spite of the little boy that could not control his tongue or his overactive body.

Encouraging and affirming words—words of life, as I like to call them—have the power to give hope, to strengthen others to keep growing in righteousness. And if I, a grown woman, need them to keep me going through hard times, my children need them even more. Positive words act as water and sunshine to our souls to help them grow strong. Yet I have found that very few people really take the time to say those words that all of us, and especially our children, long to hear.

"I love and appreciate you!" "Your friendship means a lot to me!" "I believe in you and in what God is doing in your life!" "You are special to the Lord and to me, and I am praying for you."

Thinking good thoughts about someone doesn't really bless that person. We have to take the initiative actually to say the words—in person, through a card or e-mail, or even through a phone call.

As I look to the life of Jesus, I see that he constantly blessed people with his words. He often spoke encouragement and affirmation directly to those around him or affirmed them before others.

To the woman who had been hemorrhaging for twelve years, he said, "Daughter, take courage; your faith has made you well" (Matthew 9:22). Even as his touch healed her body, his encouraging words must have healed her heart.

As Mary of Bethany sat at Jesus' feet, he spoke words to her sister that were obviously intended for her ears as well: "Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her" (Luke10:42).  How good those words of support must have felt after she had just been scolded for her poor manners and faulty hospitality.

Jesus greeted Nathanael, whom he would call to be his follower, with strong words of praise: "Behold, an Israelite indeed, in whom is no deceit!" (John 1:47, NKJV).

And at least twice in the Gospels, we see Jesus pronouncing his favor and appreciation to women who anointed him. The first was a woman who was known to be a "sinner" (Luke 7:37-48). Jesus commended her in front of a Pharisee, which must have felt like affirmation indeed. The second time (which is mentioned twice, in Matthew 26:6-13 and Mark 14:9), Jesus commended the woman by promising her deed would be remembered "wherever this gospel is preached in the whole world" (Matthew 26:13). Imagine how she must have felt when he said that! Jesus truly had a spirit of appreciation, affirmation, and encouragement.

Jesus was especially careful to uplift and motivate his disciples with his words. From the beginning he spoke of their potential and their future, saying he would make them "fishers of men," that they would do great wonders, that he loved them just as the Father loved them. And he spoke individual words of blessing they never forgot:

"Blessed are you, Simon Barjona," he said to Peter, "because flesh and blood did not reveal this to you, but My Father who is in heaven. I also say to you that you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build My church; and the gates of Hades will not overpower it" (Matthew 16:17-18).

Now, imagine how special you would feel if Jesus himself affirmed that your insights were revealed to you by God. And then to have him call you a "rock" and say he would build his church on the solid foundation of your life—what confidence those words would inspire. What an anchor of hope it would provide in times of doubt to remember that Jesus had said such things about you. To have the Son of God choose you to lead his church would indeed be a solid foundation from which to minister. Such words would carry you through many a time of doubt.

Even on the last night before his crucifixion, Jesus built up his disciples with words of love, encouragement, and hope. All through that Upper Room Discourse, he poured out words of love, strength, and comfort that would carry them through the painful days to come and through their lives of service to him.

Words matter! They have the power mysteriously to enter our hearts and minds and lift us beyond the present moment into the presence of God himself. How important it is, then, that we mothers, shepherds of our children's lives and hearts, choose our words to them carefully. We must deliberately aim our words at their hearts in such a way as to give our children hope, faith, strength, and also to point them toward the redeeming love of Christ. We can become the affirming voice of God to our children, just as we become a picture of his redeeming reality in their everyday lives. In this way we extend the gift of grace.

The Key To Providing A Nurturing Environment Is You

They need to know that they are cherished by someone who is a champion for their cause, a cheerleader for their lives—someone they can always count on in the light and dark times of life.

Accepting the responsibility of being the overseer of our domain with all of the heart and energy and faith we can muster is what nurtures our family best and provides our children with the sense of security and stability they need.

We can only accomplish this by leaning on the Lord. It is your relationship with him that ultimately will provide a nurturing environment for the people you love.

Read more about this in The Mission Of Motherhood.