What are You Relying on in your Education Philosophy?

"I know I can't neglect the basic educational foundations my children will need for a full and meaningful life - reading and understanding the written word, thinking clearly and wisely, communicating ably in speech and in writing, being competent in math. But I am determined not to neglect the basic spiritual truth that will undergird and give meaning to that education - seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness (see Matthew 6:33). A well-educated person will be useful to God only if he is focused on God's purposes." -Seasons of a Mother's Heart

My out-of-the-box son, Nathan, is incredibly brilliant, but learned in his own unique way (definitely not by formula). Each of my four children had their own set of strengths and weaknesses, which made homeschooling a beautiful adventure. Nathan recently told me that while he enjoyed all aspects of our homeschooling experience, one of the elements he found the most beneficial to his long-term growth was through our bible times as a family. Each day, I would read a story, a parable, or a Psalm and we would take these passages as God's personal words to us. My enthusiasm came from how greatly my life changed when I finally came to know Him. I did not lead perfectly organized devotions, but they were from my heart to my children's hearts.

No matter what educational choices you make, we all eventually have to  realize, that even with the best of intentions and carefully set schedules and goals, there is no perfect formula for guaranteeing the outcomes for each child. And every day as a homeschooling mother will not go exactly according to plan. You won't always have a home with every child sitting still, being silent, listening well, and paying complete attention. Neither will every teacher in a Christian school or public school be able to control every part of the classroom. This is where grace, and God's supernatural strength, are able to shine in your homeschooling.

Living a life rooted in works, what we can do, striving for perfection and the most accurate "game plan" may seem reassuring to those of us who struggle with wanting control, but it is not a life of great faith. Whatever the source, when Christian parents and particularly homeschoolers begin to rely more on formulas and less on faith in God, then they are not reaching for a higher standard.

One of my secrets that produced amazing fruit in my children was that I relied on God's Spirit, by faith, to stimulate my children's minds, to engage their hearts, to do the work of helping them fall in love with learning. I depended on God to supernaturally make my work complete, because He lived and worked actively in our home. How much are you relying on formula or curriculum choice and how much are you depending on God's grace to fill in the spaces?

“If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met." -Matthew 6:30-33

"Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth." -Colossians 3:2

"Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better." -Colossians 1:10

"Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." -Proverbs 19:21

Take a deep breath, rest, and relax in the midst of your homeschooling today. Just as Matthew 6:30 reminds us of God's great care for the wildflowers, remember that He has beautiful plans for you and your sweet children. Don't become so busy with your work that you miss opportunities for God to work.

Feel free to take a moment to complete the reflection and application below (consider doing so in your journal!): -Before you begin each day, homeschooling or not, are you seeking God's wisdom? Asking for His will, His plans? Take a moment to do that right now. -How can you encourage your children to focus on God's purposes today? -Do you struggle with control? Is it difficult for you when life doesn't go according to plan? How can you allow yourself grace and let God's plans prevail? -Out of the scriptures listed above, is there anything that really stood out to you? How is God speaking to you this morning?

A visual feast, a feast of my favorite tastes, and the way I spent my Wednesday

 

This view was of my evening walk down the road next to my home tonight. Today I was thinking about how in heaven, I think God is going to hold my hand and take me for a walk and tell me how to paint the sky. I wonder what His favorite color is? Or maybe He will take me on His shoulders and let me fly into the heavenlies with Him, and as my Father, He will explain to me the mysteries of the galaxies. Yes, I was actually thinking this. (And early in the morning, I walked another 2 miles. Storing up for the winter wonder land when I cannot walk in the snow.)

I have been working too much lately, and it seems unavoidable with lots of demands on my plate during this season of life. But, very soon, I will launch my new book that I am sooo excited to share with the world, and all the work, I hope will encourage many. So, I still do what I used to do--I go on a walk every day, to lower my adrenalin, to breathe in the beauty and to spend one more time talking with whoever is available to go on an end of the day walk me.

Quiet time and tea, then walking, then working--rhythms that I do not miss because they are anchors to my life. Then,

Joel and I grabbed a coffee at our favorite local cafe--Wesley Owens--where they make my two raw sugars stirred up in my cappuccino perfectly.

I worked on my computer for 7 hours today. It is the life of a writer at times. My soul wants more adventure when I just sit and write, but soon the deadlines will be met and I will go adventuring again.

Today, I talked on the phone with Sarah for a long time at noon.  Then I skyped with Joy and Sarah for another little while later this afternoon.A good mama would have said,"You girls are staying up too late," as it was after midnight their time. But I was just having so much fun watching them have fun together and to hear all of their stories, to watch them laugh together and to hear them both agree that their brains hurt from so much writing--but that somehow they are enjoying the stretch.

Someone recently accused me of having made this my goal when they were little--to have my children go to Oxford--that it was my false pride that pushed them there. How silly. For one thing, Sarah got it into her head when she was 12 that she would like to go to Oxford where some of her favorite writers lived. Not my idea to send my children far away from me. When they were younger, I was just hoping a truant officer would not come knocking at my door, and that somehow they would grow up and love the Lord.  It was an unplanned miracle that happened that Joy was already going to Oxford for an exchange and that Sarah got accepted into Oxford and had the money at the last moment. I think it was God arranging an unforgettable memory for two girls who also happen to be best friends--only He could have planned something so sweet.

The only other break I took today was to make Joel, who has been such a help and encouragement to me while he is temporarily home, a pastrami, sour kraut, swiss cheese, home-made thousand island grilled sandwich on peasant bread. All was natural and hormone free and organic, as I am sort of a health nut. But it was amazing, even if I say so myself. His appreciation and lip smacking pleasure made it worth the effort.

Fall is truly, I think, my favorite season of the year. These days have been glorious--sunny but cool, and great walking weather for my incessant need to be outdoors. Walking every day with my children started when Sarah was a baby in the stroller. All of the kids slept better when I took them out in the fresh air---and it made them happy, too. There was no end to the interesting things they could see and just being outdoors made them more settled and happier as babies and it gave me, the over-stimulated mama, a rest from the messes inside.

This week, I have been working out some of the bugs on the audio, so that my old messages will be easier to listen to once the bugs are all fixed on the site. Then I will truly go back to having two messages from my previous conference talks a week. But since I did not have anything to put up, I just hated to have an empty day, again, and thought I would just say hi to all of you wonderful friends and share a slice of my day with you.

My sweet Rachael, Nathan's wife, is coming for a visit this weekend, so I may have to make something special to welcome her. These are my favorite Autumn muffins. A real pleaser. Apple-Pumpkin Streusel Muffins--

(I am a whole grains type and grind my own, use organic turbinado sugar, sea salt, organic pumpkin and apples sort of person, but it tastes great no matter what you use!)

2-1/2 cups flour

2 cups sugar

1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon ground ginger

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg

2 eggs, slightly beaten

1 cup (8 ounces) canned pumpkin

1/2 cup vegetable oil

2 cups peeled, cored, and grated apples

1/2 cup finely chopped nuts (optional)

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. In large bowl, combine all dry ingredients and mix well. In medium bowl combine eggs, pumpkin, and oil; add to dry ingredients, stir until just moistened. Add apples and nuts. Fill well-greased muffin tins about 3/4 full.

Make streusel topping, mix:

1/4 cup sugar

2 tablespoons flour

1 tablespoon butter

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

Sprinkle topping liberally over the tops of the muffins. (You can double the streusel topping if you want more for the muffins.) Bake 20-25 minutes, or until golden brown. Cool 5 minutes and remove from pans to wire racks. Makes 18-24 muffins.

Perfect for autumn!

Another photo of the sunset today. God painted the sky for Joel and me to enjoy and I am grateful.

And now, I am off to sleep.

Wishing you a lovely Thursday. How have you been spending your days?

Imagination: The necessary faculty to believe in a God we cannot see

 

We do not want merely to see beauty... we want something else

which can hardly be put into words- to be united with the beauty

we see, to pass into it, to receive it into ourselves, to bathe in it, to

become part of it.

C. S. Lewis

There is a part of all of our lives that longs for the beyond, that wishes for a place to go, outside of this moment, outside of duty and responsibility and work. We are captured by a universe that whispers to our souls that there is more than what we are living in this day, this moment. Oh, to be taken in a magical ship away to this wonderland that the eyes of our soul can see. And if we but make the time to be still, to imagine, we can get lost in the beauty. I long for the place beyond more often all the time.

When my children were young, I would write a verse, a quotation, a piece of wisdom on our little white board and tell them to write or draw what the saying meant to them. Photography or masterpieces were displayed on easels and by entering into the graphic beauty, we would request a poem to be written, a song to be composed, a story to be penned. Often a classical piece of music filled the atmosphere where the crafting of original thought and beauty were bearing fruit.  We would often memorize these quotations together, live in words, swim in worlds beyond that caught our fancy as we reflected on the art. How I loved these life-giving days.

The joy of exploring beyond what I could explicitly teach,  taught them to practice the imagination of the "life beyond" where they could wonder about a God who was the artist behind it all. Creating their own word pictures, stories, synthesizing ideas gave energy to each of them, and to me,  to become entrepreneurs in their own worlds.

This practice of imagining also shapes the adult who pursues these ways of living.

How did your children become creative? We are asked this question often.

They are made in God's image and He made them creative, just like Himself. We just gave them food for thought and space and time in which to express what they found swimming within their brains. It was never a specific goal to create merely creative children who would become writers, musicians, screen writers, message makers. Instead, we wanted them to learn to love stretching their minds, eating up words, dwelling in the world of ideas, memorizing great thoughts, copying great art, hearing the words of the best writers and thinkers as the oxygen of their lives that they breathed every day.

Then in the midst of life-giving moments, intelligence, creativity, a drive to become creators of beauty bloomed naturally and came alive because they had thought for themselves, and created their own imaginings of what life was about. The investment of all that was good, true and beautiful bore fruit through the expression of their work, crafted by their unique personalities.

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Anyone reading here within a reasonably close traveling distance to Oxford? comment below! :)

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I so appreciate all of you who took the time to communicate to me what you wanted to hear. Great questions, thoughts and input.

I am planning for November, (if life settles down for me), an e-conference that will focus on the most important and foundational truths on which to build a vision for life. The second hour, I will address some individual questions about teenagers, mental illness and how to cope with it in the long run, some thoughts about other issues that you all asked me to address. I am studying, pondering, writing down notes so that I can share with you those most important ideas that God has so faithfully taught me through the years. We shall have fun and I hope many of you will be able to join me.

Meanwhile, I am hoping that many of you can join me at the Mom Heart Conferences this year. I am already working on my talks to inspire and affirm you because I believe so much in the value of your life and the ways you are investing your days!

One person will win a conference at the end of this month from among all who have registered. This is the lowest price for the conference for this coming year. Register HERE

Choices that invest in eternity

You only have this day, this moment to choose to live for what matters.

"Teach us to number our days that we might present to thee a heart of wisdom." Psalm 91:12

I can never remember a time when there were not piles of responsibilities stacking up, vying for my attention. As long as I can remember, there is always more to do, not less. Today was no different. Out of town company all weekend for a concert we sponsored in our church meant more cooking, more cleaning, late nights and more talking and serving. Today, a big Sunday breakfast for all in my house, rushing to church, and then picking up more out of town friends, dear to our hearts, to visit the whole afternoon long. A tea time, pie, both pecan and berry, and lots of talking and talking, more dishes, and then delivering them at a conference nearby.

This blog was looming over my mind, as I wanted to write about what mattered most in life,  to encourage you, my sweet friends. Two final deadlines for an impending writing project and important deadlines for my book launch, as well as 3 letters that must be written.

All of these were piling and increasing my stress level.

When I searched the landscape of my mind, I pondered--God has painted the leaves in such an amazing way today, and I have hardly had time to notice. I have Joel at home all by himself  apart from the other kids, for a rare occasion, and he particularly loves our long walks together. Our other guest, Matthew, is someone our family greatly values and I know he would love to see our special walking trails and sunset views. If I go, I will not get my work finished and will have more on my plate tomorrow.

But, I have made a goal this year to own my life more completely by choosing to invest personally with real live people right in front of me. And so, now, this moment, is when the test comes to challenge my commitment. Will I choose work, again, to keep faithfully at my piles, or will I take this moment that I may not have again, to invest, to make a memory. It is not an issue of a rule or formula, but a commitment I have made in my heart to not make my duties more important than my people. This moment challenges the personal commitment I have made.

And so, instead of writing this blog, instead of staying home to get ahead for my Monday piles, I chose Sabbath--to focus on the personal, right in front of me reality.

Pinks, golds, ambers, yellows colored our happy path as we spoke of music, stories, ideas, dreams, hopes. The former boy, now man moving into his glory as he surmounts life and shares the moments one more time, with me, his now much smaller than him, mama. My heart warmed at his eagerness to be my friend. My heart swelled at this little boy became man, and such a strong good one. My happiness fills as now, my son and true closest of friends, chooses me to spend his last afternoon minutes, instead of the busyness that is piling high on his plate. Now, he is choosing to invest personally in me, instead of choosing work.

Too quickly, the sun went down, our walk came to the edge of the path, our cherished moments came to an end, but my heart had this precious soul memory stored in the treasure chest of my own heart to hold dear for the years to come.

Too quickly your path will also come to an end and the window of time in which you can love and influence will close for a new phase of life for your children ahead. The work will somehow all get done,

but this glorious day, that I chose to celebrate with God in his art gallery, in the intimate moments that I will have to cherish for years to come.

And so in pondering what I wanted to share from my heart to yours, I remembered a blog I shared a while back, when I was feeling this battle between the Martha me who really wants to know if the world knows and understands how much I always have resting on my shoulders, and long for someone to notice and to help---or if God has noticed--

or choosing, choosing one more time to invest in the personal, the present moment, knowing that work will always be there, but my sweet ones, quickly go their own ways.

And with this theme, I share my older blog, with hopes it will encourage and give you some days this week to make the choices that store moments spent investing in the friendship your children have to offer you--be they babies or grown. Your children will always have a special place in your heart.

"Six years passed between my third child, Nathan, and my fourth child, Joy. I had had three miscarriages and didn't think I would ever have another baby. By the time Joy came, I had lived through the early youth of my other three children and had seen that they really did grow up quickly. Finally, by experience, I understood that the dependent stage of early childhood was only for a season. I could see how important it was to enjoy each day and treasure these moments of early life with my children, because the years did pass quickly. How I wished I could take back all the impatient words I had said, all the guilt I had imposed on my older children just because they were acting their age and taking up my time. Fortunately, they remember mostly the good times and not my immature responses to their normal behavior.

I was much more patient with the interruptions that Joy brought to my life because I realized that I might never have this opportunity again. I cherished our time alone while she nursed. I enjoyed the sweet moments when she would crawl into bed with me and snuggle close. Having made my peace (mostly) with the reality that giving my children time is a part of serving them, I was able to relax and open myself to the joys of being with them.

These days I have no baby in the house. Instead, I have an exuberant seven-year-old and three teenagers. (This written 12 years ago--and the time passed all too quickly!) And these beloved children still take up all of my time, but in different ways. Yet since I know that this is a necessary sacrifice, a part of my service to them and to God, it is easier to bear--partly because I have made the choice to embrace the task of mothering, partly because I have come to terms with the natural demands children make on my time, but mostly because my attitude has changed." ~ The Mission of Motherhood

At this very moment, as I am writing this, I would give almost anything to be sitting on Joy's bed, looking into her eyes and hearing all that is in her heart. But at this moment, I must cherish the times we had together, the times I said yes to choosing to invest in our friendship amidst all the busy days of my life when she was home.

Of course if you know our family, you're aware that the seven-year-old I mentioned is now in Oxford and will graduate from university this spring, while my other precious teenagers have grown into lovely adults who are truly my best friends. And now, even more, I realize how swiftly time flies and how quickly our opportunity to serve and nurture and shape the hearts of our children in such an intensive way, 24 hours a day, passes by and truly is gone.

Looking at Jesus interacting with His disciples; with crowds, pushing and pulling, demanding, shouting, jostling most days for three years straight; reading of how He took children on His lap when others would have pushed them away; amazed at how He washes 120 toes the night before He is sentenced to death--all of these things give me a picture of what my life as a mom is all about. True joy comes ... sometimes slowly ... in fits and starts ... two steps forward, one step back ... when I develop a long-range vision and believe His promise that my work and love with these, my own personal disciples, will not go unrewarded, but that my labor is one of love, that chooses to focus on this beautiful moment, while I have it to invest for eternity.

 Praying for you today, that the Lord would give you a vision for today, a soft heart, and that He will strengthen you for the days ahead!

Building a God-Designed Home

"The task of building our homes into places of beauty and life that will feed the hearts, souls, and minds of our children is the most comprehensive task to which God has called us as mothers. We are called quite literally to be "home makers" - to plan and shape a home environment that provides our families with both a safe resting place and a launching pad for everything they do in the world." -The Mission of Motherhood

The definition of "home" is:

"The place where one lives permanently, especially as a member of a family or household."

While I suppose this very vague definition is true, home is so much more than a shelter where we simply eat, sleep, and gather. It is a place of refuge, a safe haven for our children that is welcoming and beautiful. When I think of home, I think of...

Candles flickering... Familiar Music playing from the other room...

My four children discussing... Plenty of giggling...

The aroma of freshly baked cookies... Various books in baskets on shelves in every room,

Calligraphy of verses, quotes sprinkled on tables around the house

magazines, Bibles, art prints, family photos...

Strong cups of tea...

Fresh flowers on display...

Musical instruments-guitar, piano, dulcimer,

A Basketball backboard

Rocking Chairs, art pencils scattered amongst drawings and sketch books Kelsey the golden retriever stealing goodies off of someone's plate, tail wagging as she runs off...

All of these qualities about home are a beautiful part of God's design, but the true transforming power of home goes even deeper. Each family will learn to develop its own distinct way of living out the principles of wisdom God has provided in his Word. In the same way, each home should be different and uniquely suited to meet the needs of the children and parents who live there.

I truly believe that the home we cultivate as mothers is the restorative training grounds for our children...a place where they can be discipled and filled with love and care prior to growing up and heading to battle. Let's take a look at what God designed home to be filled with...

Wisdom... "The wisest of women builds her home, but folly with her own hands tears it down." -Proverbs 14:1

Knowledge... "By wisdom a house is built, And by understanding it is established; And by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches." -Proverbs 24:3-4

Peace... "Whatever house you enter, first say, ‘Peace be to this house!’ " -Luke 10:5

Rest... "My people will abide in a peaceful habitation, in secure dwellings, and in quiet resting places." -Isaiah 32:18

God has entrusted you with an incredible responsibility as the "home maker." What will you fill your home with today? Take a moment to complete the reflection and application below.

-Out of the verses above, which qualities of the God-designed home do you feel are lacking, and which are flourishing this season? -What are some practical ways that you could cultivate more beauty and peace in your home this weekend? -What worries/anxieties are keeping you from the God-designed home today?

What would you rather know about? I need your input

Planning an e-conference in a couple of weeks. Would you rather hear about the 6 or 8 foundations upon which to build a long term vision for motherhood and building generations or would you rather hear about the 6 or 8 compelling reasons I decided to Homeschool and why I am glad I did? Or what else would you like to hear about? Or just a general conference with questions answered about teens, mental health issues, and other basic issues that are questions in your home?

What is more fun than.....a gathering of girlfriends! Conference season is upon us.

My Colorado Springs/Monument Group will meet for our first fall meeting Thursday night, 6:30 at Holy Trinity Anglican Church. All are welcome! (Only lap babies--no child care provided.) Bring a snack to share if you have one! (and leave a comment if you are coming--remember, not the church above--a new meeting place!)

And........

What is more fun than.........A handful of women, eating delectable, adult food--crab cakes, spinach feta salad, chocolate mousse brownies, by candlelight in a hotel room, sharing stories, secrets, funny antics, discussing, praying and delighting in being friends. This is the atmosphere at our conferences--mamas who have attended a thousand times while new ones piling in every year. Old friends gather a day ahead of time just for a visit in our "Presidential Suites," and laughing, tears, stories and faith bring us all together again!

What fun it is for me to be upon the verge a whole new set of mom conferences coming soon.  I was greeted once by a sweet friend with a lovely fresh floral lei, fresh from Hawaii from where she had flown. Another toted a large box full of baskets in which to put the chocolates that we give out as women come in the door. Several women thought I needed to add flowers to our registration table and to our mom's leader's tea this morning. But all, with me, are a part of the Lord's hands, voice, message and inspiration for building women into the gracious, wise civilizers He made us to be.  I have a team that I can't do without. We are all a part of a movement of moms to change the world, but together!

My sweet hostesses and friends who helped in California last year--a team effort all weekend.

I adore the women the Lord brings into my life, who work shoulder to shoulder with me in ministering to and reaching out to women. They all come from different walks of life and different cities--some are married with a thousand children, some are single women, some with one child, but all devoted mothers, intentional about raising a godly heritage in their home and teaching and training other women the vision and how to's of such a life.

One of my sweet friends here, who will be sharing about why she leads a mom heart group, said this,

"The Lord showed me how being part of a Mom's group is fulfilling His purposes for advancing His Kingdom on earth, by building a godly heritage right in our home, for a future generation that will influence the world for Christ."

And so my local Colorado team are hosting our first fall event and preparing for our conferences ahead where we will be so very happy to greet you, hear your stories and , speak, love and encourage here in Denver and are so very blessed.

My lovelies, my friends registering in Dallas last year. Love everyone of them. Hope you will all consider joining us for another wonderful year! Place your cursor on the picture and it will take you to registration!

Remember to register before Nov. 1 to enter a drawing for a free conference and get $10 off the conference price and receive a $10 for the book table! 

My Kids are doubting God....What Have I done wrong?

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Walking on the beach with Joy

"Mama, how can you really know that God is real? I find myself doubting his existence, lately, and it makes me feel guilty, but it won't go away!"

Panic ran through my mama heart like icy cold water and I immediately feared that anything I had ever done or would do would be enough. What if she gave up her faith? What if I hadn't discipled her the right way or taught the the right verses? What had I done wrong and how could I be sure that she wouldn't lose her faith?

Sarah was 13 when doubt first entered my world and it bothered her often through the next years. I immediately knelt in prayer and probably this made me invest in my children more than if she had never had doubts. But eventually all of my children would go through stages of doubt. I learned that for our children to own their faith in an adult manner, they must ask the questions, search scripture and finally own convictions for themselves to have a strong mature faith. It is a part of growing from childhood to adulthood, to wrestle with what they have been taught and to test it to see if it holds up against their growing worlds. There is much I could say about this issue, but I loved this article that Joy sent me yesterday and thought it would be well worth printing again here, as I know many of you have asked me about it. But all four of my children have gone through stages of doubt at one time or another.

My response to Sarah,"I know your heart and I see that you sincerely want to love God. He is strong enough for you to question Him. You can ask Him anything and probe scripture and I believe you will find your answers. But until you come back to a strong faith for yourself, I will believe for you and pray for you and ask God to show His light on your heart issues. But, this does not cause me to doubt you, as I know in my heart you will sort all of this out in time. Don't fear, my sweetness, God loves you and will guide you."

Our children, like us, need support and love and affirmation when they are walking through dark times. But in order for them to have a legitimate faith, they need to learn to wrestle with God. Here is Joy's article: 

“Sometimes I wonder if people knew what I really thought and felt, if they would think I was a prodigal?… that I’m losing my faith.”

The words fell out of my mouth quickly and awkwardly. I had waited many months to say them and felt an odd sensation at allowing their sudden presence in the room. I could not unsay them. They seemed fall with a thud in the heavy air and bring with them a shadow– a shadow that had hung in my mind for quite some time. Across from me sat my professor, leaning in, head tilted, hands crossed. I searched his eyes for a response- did he think I was losing my faith?  

For a moment, the words hung in the silence, and he did not reply. I couldn’t read his expression, it seemed sad, intent, but not condemning. I looked down at the notebook I had brought with me. Inside it were neatly written questions, questions that had begun to haunt me several months before, and that had begun to quickly spill in the margins of my journal no matter how hard I tried to push them out. There were no more questions written out; I had asked (or perhaps ‘confessed’ is a better word) them all in that office hours appointment. I thought I had said all I needed to say, but then…

“I want to be a Christian. I want to have faith. I did not ask for these doubts, but they stay with me. I wish I could just put them to bed and move on with my life and faith.”

I suddenly felt an unwanted lump emerge in my throat.

The “cloud of unknowing” as Madelein L’Engle puts it came upon me one January day. I had a miserable and feverish cold and had just made myself tea. I had arrived back at school a bit early for a debate tournament. My cold was a nasty one accompanied by my childhood bane of asthma, which stole my voice. So, I stayed home from the tournament.

I remember sitting down, sniffing painfully, and suddenly feeling a cloud descend on me. The first feeling of doubt wasn’t really an articulated intellectual question, but rather a general feeling of estrangement from my beliefs. Recently in that year, I had encountered a situation that shook me up in what I believed about Christians. I saw Christians saying one thing, acting another way, which is not so uncommon, we are after all fallible humans. In this situation, however, what struck me was the profound dissonance between  what they said they believed, and how their actions seemed to deny that belief as a possibility. It raised an awareness in me; was I doing this too? Did what I believed– and indeed who I believed in– really mean something in my life? And further from that, did God care about the inconsistencies? Did He care about me? Who is God? Why didn’t He speak to me?

It was like I had been swimming in a pool of what I had always believed, and I had gotten out for a moment, and observed the pool from the side.  It was cold there, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to get back in. I wondered if I had always assumed my swimming pool to be the Ocean when it really wasn’t.

That day began a journey of months of searching. Though I never stopped going, church became difficult. A new question would present itself at each reading of my Bible. My eyes were suddenly opened to a thousand unexamined presuppositions that I held. And always, there was the attending feeling of isolation, as though I had broken up with a best friend.

I had often heard people say to me “When people doubt, its because they’re being tempted to sin, and they don’t want to think there’s a God to hold them accountable.” This may be true for some, and certainly and easy out to seemingly constricting morals would be to deny the maker of the morals existed to begin with. But, for me, this was not true. I had no boyfriend I was tempted to compromise with. I didn’t have a secret addiction. In my truest heart of hearts, I did not want to give up on my faith. I simply wanted to know that it was big enough. I wanted to know it was not a faith made in my own image– something that made me feel better but wasn’t really true.

One weekend, my mom came and visited me. We ate burgers on the pier, enjoyed the delightful ease of laughing with someone who really knows you, watched the sunset and then went for a walk on the beach. As we walked along the water, putting our toes in as the chilly waves licked the shore, I began to share with her some of my thoughts. She listened and held my arm. As we walked, the night snuck into the sky. In a rare occasion for the polluted skies of Los Angeles, stars began the freckle the darkness, and shine out optimistically. Our conversation paused for a moment, and we stood and watched and listened as the waves came steadily in.

“I once had many of those questions, too, Joy. And sometimes they come to me again. But in Jesus, I found some thing so big, so loving, and so true, that I hold onto him. He is big enough for your questions. He threw these stars into being, and He poured this ocean out on the earth like a cup of water.If you hold on, I know He’ll find you.” she said, with years of memories swimming in her eyes.

The waves crept over my cold feet. The Ocean beckoned me out. My doubt did not end there, but a new search began, the search for the Jesus of the Waves and Stars.

Something that truly helped me in that time, was reading the Gospels and the Psalms. In my time of doubt, I scoured my Bible for answers. Often, I did not find exact answers, but I found that my desires were echoed. In the Psalms I discovered that I was not alone. Before me, David and the psalmists had cried out to God, to know that He was there, that He cared about bringing justice, that He would speak and not be silent.

It was perhaps the Gospels that most profoundly effected me. In the Gospels, I encountered Jesus. As I read, there was a newness in the stories I had never experienced, and Jesus began to come to life from the page to me. He was strange, strong, and sometimes confusing. In His words, I found a deep down truth. I began to truly fall in love with Jesus… with his words, with his life, with his call to die.

It was somewhere in the midst of that process of that reaching, struggling, winning and losing battle to know the truth, that I found myself in the meeting with my professor, true words hanging in the air, silence unbroken. But finally, he broke it.

“They probably would think you were a prodigal.” he said, but his eyes told me that he did not think I was.

“Joy, doubt is never a good or happy thing. It is lonely and long. But doubt can be redeemed. In doubt, you go to the depths of yourself, but there you can find God. And if you find God there, your relationship with Him will be more deep and more strong than it could have been if you hadn’t have doubted. You may never put your doubts completely to bed. But for me, I find that I cannot get past Jesus. He is my bedrock that I fall upon no matter how deeply I doubt. In Him, I find the reason that Paul said “I have counted it all loss to know Christ Jesus and to share in his sufferings.”

I swallowed and managed out a smile.

For the rest of her blog article, go HERE

When  your children share their doubts with you:

1. Tell them you love them and believe in them.

2. Tell them you know that God is trustworthy and you have found in your own life, He is faithful and leads you to answers that satisfy.

3. Pray with them and for them.

4. Stay close to them and take them out for coffee, a meal, time where they can freely share apart from the company of others.

Find books that help or answer their questions: Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis, Tim Keller's book, The Reason for God are two books that are useful to answer questions.

Often, my children were doubting God, they were doubting because it didn't seem like He was answering prayer, or because other Christians had hurt or disappointed our family or acted without integrity or one of their friends had fallen from faith or adopted an immoral lifestyle. There are many reasons in a world full of temptation, but I think staying close, communicating love, affirming and understanding their questions and speaking forward into their lives is helpful. And of course, pray, pray, pray!

Jesus knew that Peter would be tempted and give in and He spoke forward by saying, "I have prayed for you. When you return, strengthen the brethren." Jesus affirmed His value, believed in his future, loved him in spite of his struggles and gave him a mission--this will help you be stronger so you can help others.

Blessed is the child who has a mama by his or her side when they walk through this valley. Praying for you all today!

Fix Your Attitude and Feed Your Soul: Mentoring Monday

Benjamin Vautier

Cooking, eating, washing dishes and then doing it all over again--an endless cycle, but the place life is shaped!

(One of my wonderful commenters suggested the change in title--great idea!)

This weekend, I have been with some of my family enjoying great times with friends at the Hutchmoot--a wonderful weekend retreat sponsored by The Rabbit Room, so am throwing some thoughts for pondering after talking to lots of women this weekend.

Perhaps some of you remember the story I have shared at conferences,  This comes to my mind when I think about the emotions we often carry as moms when we get depressed or overwhelmed. Many years ago, after returning from our series of mom's conferences we have hosted for 18 years, our home was a wreck--piles of mail, stacks of dirty clothes, messes, dirty dishes and coffee cups, and the kind of tasks that makes me want to run away. Gathering everyone on the couch,  tears spilling over eyes I  mumbled pitifilly, "I really need all of your help to get us all back in order!" Joel, a tall teen at the time, wrapped his long arm around me and patted me a gently.

"Mama, we will help you get it together little by little. And then everything will explode again and then we will have to do it again. But when you are unhappy and frustrated, it makes us all feel insecure and unhappy, so Mama, chill, don't worry. When you are happy, then we can be happy, too."

No matter what the season, all children long for, hope for a happy mama. What I have learned is that I don't even have to feel happy, I just need to practice behaving in a contented way, and my kids pick up on my practiced behavior. Mamas should not feel that they are somehow inadequate or carry guilt if they do not always feel like a happy camper. Sometimes I did not even especially like my children, as we all have ups and downs--but I chose to act in a loving way, and they all remember me as a loving person. Carrying guilt as a mama for not always feeling positive is a waste of time.

Now, low these thousand years later, I am still under the same pressure, just a different season.

A valued, special friend of our family is coming to see us for a few days and will be speaking at a seminar in town, so our whole family has had to jump into lots of work, cleaning, straightening, cooking the past couple of days, because we have gotten behind on life. With almost a constant travel schedule and sending adult and married kids literally all over the world and packing, unpacking, making messes, piles gathering, eating, cleaning AGAIN, while writing a book, a blog, speaking and doing ministry every week, we have all gotten behind. And yet, every season of my life, at times, I have gotten behind and been overwhelmed with the work load of just keeping a home, raising a family and feeding them.

But now, after so many such times, I can harness my attitude and choose to practice self-control, and eventually my feelings follow. As we cleaned house today and cooked and then washed sheets and cleaned the dirty dishes, it took 4 adults all day, working constantly,  to get our home back together.

All of us wanted to be doing something else.

All of us would have loved to take a nap or read or have alone time. But, oddly enough, all of us feel better now at the end of the day because our home is a great place to be again!

I was thinking about how important it is to just accept that being a mom and a wife has an endless, eternal amount of work forever and ever, Amen. It is a marathon, not a sprint. To learn to accept this and to seek to find happiness through all the years, is a sure foundation for building a happy home. It is a habit, a practice.

Seems I have so many in my life who rail against the season they are in, as I often did. Some are in the baby years, some the demanding elementary years, some with hormonal preteens and others deep into the teen years, or overwhelmed by homeschooling or working and coming home exhausted. The final stage of stress  in the home children is the time when they leave, move out  or struggle leaving--moving in, out, in, out. Every season of my children has had deep and difficult stresses. Each season has had beautiful blessings, deep joy. But no matter what your season of life, some principles still apply to all.

FIRST

It is your attitude in your heart that will determine how peaceful you will be at each season. If you learn to expect limitations, difficulties, stress and life and children pushing back against your best efforts, you will have a more realistic view of what it means to be a mom. Depression often comes from disappointed expectations. If you are surprised or angry every time something goes wrong or a child has a new developmental challenge or they keep eating, wearing clothes and making messes, you will spend a lot of your motherhood years being angry and disappointed.

You will never change the stress level by being angry or bitter.

Often, when we fight against the very nature of motherhood, we find ourselves fighting against God.  

Funny that we want our children to change their attitudes, but somehow we feel we have a right to our own bad attitudes. But they end up draining our energy and stealing from the potential joy of life. Live into this season, accepting the limitations and learn to see each season as something God designed for a purpose. Don't try to rush life or push your children to develop or be independent too early.

This season is from God to slow you down, to train you to be more humble, more in the moment, more patient--to build the very character of Christ into the deep places of your heart. Learn and don't resist what He has built into this season and even though you will always feel exhausted, your heart will be more at peace, happier, if you know it has a purpose.

My Own Journey

Having 3 children in less than 5 years was a shock to my whole being. Not only had I not been trained for motherhood, I had not been developed to live a selfless life. No one told me about how much I would have to give, how much I would have to sacrifice--forever! Having grown up with 2 older brothers, the only girl, my mama, at times just wanted to spoil her little dolly. I was spoiled much of the time, left alone to fend for myself other times, but definitely not prepared to have multiple children, nurse my babes, have them naturally, and then of all absurd things, homeschool them eventually.

Idealist should be my middle name. I wanted all of this, and to be the best mom in the world, but had no realistic idea of how to accomplish it. Today, I thought I would address some of the desperate times and a few ways I have learned to cope with them.

Always a new phase, always needs

The baby-toddler-never sleep years when you lose your body shape, have someone grabbing you all the time and are constantly in and out of different sizes of clothes (that is, if you have time to shop for clothes!) were daily, moment by moment a challenge to my centeredness in life. Losing total control all the time, every day, day after day, was a shock to my system.

Is anyone really prepared for exhaustion that lasts for years on end? I wasn't. Besides having children in quick succession, which meant I always had immature little beings making messes, fussing, sleeping, potty training or making messy diapers and getting me up at night. I fell in love with my children--just had this overwhelming, deep affection for them, but still would blow my stack, be impatient when they pushed all my buttons and I felt vague desperate feelings.

I look back now and just wish I had understood baby years. And the pre-school years, and the teen years, and and and. Because I have lived through it all, I know I had God given capacity to complete the tasks, and I am a richer, stronger person for my journey. God made each season for His own purposes.  God made babies to be dependent so that we could touch them, sing to them, bond with them, teach their little brains to believe in His love because of the way we tenderly cared for them and enjoy their sweet fat baby hand pats and smiles reserved for us. This is a time to try to just breathe, to try to notice the moments, to kiss often, smile into their precious eyes, and simplify. If you are feeling stressed because your babies push against your own schedule and expectations of life, know that you are normal. Feeling guilty for having these normal feelings is a waste of time. Just learn to grow stronger and more resilient one day at a time.

But seeking to bring gentle order, little by little, in each season of life is an essential part of having a more ordered, peaceful home.. Have eating times, play times, feeding times, bed times at the same time every day. When a little one or big one knows what to expect by the rhythms he lives in, he will be more secure and more calm. These are the anchors that bring order to the day. Babes who are held more during the day are quieter and more at peace. Teenagers who have lots of private "talk to me", "understand me" time are less likely to rebel against the mom and dad's ideals.

It requires so much of you every day, all the time--so to understand this is how to be an effective mom, learning to be a servant leader over and over again in every season, all the time, will help you to understand your long term call. I practically carried Joy everywhere we went, all the time, when I read to the kids, when I did things around the house, just kept her close and she was sooo much more calm and slept so much better. And during her young and elementary years, I sought to read to her, play with her and blow bubbles and rock her to sleep at night, just as my  teens were wanting me to stay up, talk to them, understand them, be their friend.  And, when I fell into bed exhausted,  then before I knew it, Joy would be up again wanting my attention, early in the morning. But now, I am sooo grateful that God led me through these years, because my children's hearts are tied closely to mine and we have grown into each other's best friends.

To live inside yourself thinking that at some particular time, you will have more time to yourself, or have more control, is an expectation that will probably be disappointed. Life does become easier when children are old enough to help, to do things for themselves, to learn a little more independently. Yet, each seasons requires a different kind of energy for us as moms.

Learning to see God's design in all the stages, gives meaning to the journey. But to have the wrong expectations about life becoming suddenly easier brings disappointment. Disappointed expectations can lead to depression. Anger can result. So learning to accept the limitations of a realistic life and learning to see each day as a gift, a place to worship God by choosing the accept the limitations is the beginning of growth.

SECOND

 Make Yourself Happier! Learning to manage your life so that you can refill your heart, mind and body on a regular basis is essential to good health. Invest in your own soul's need for pleasure, it is a God-given desire--make room for pleasure in your days, so that in spite of the seasons, you take care of yourself. Sometimes it is more important for a mama to take a nap than to wash dishes. (Isn't that what paper plates are for?)

Sometimes it is better to go to dinner or lunch or brunch with a friend, or go to a movie that is romantic, to buy yourself a new dress, earrings, get a message, than to stay home and gaze at all of your problems and worry or focus on being depressed. Whatever you water is going to grow. If you cultivate fears, stress, worries, anger, then you will grow more anxious and darker every day. But if you learn how to release these issues into the file drawer of heaven, into God's hands, and then lighten your load, you will walk with more realistic joy and contentment. Learning to cultivate hope and joy, to water the faith and happiness of your life, is an essential commitment to becoming a wise woman.

These are my pleasures that keep me happier and stronger:

I make time with old, friends--who get me and still love me, those who are fun, know my limitations, heart-breaks, weariness, desires and dreams and don't criticize or want something from me. These friendships have been built over many years. Adventures or just sitting on the couches in front of the fireplace,  chatting as the flames crackle and the night gets late.

A Hot Bath with candles late at night when NO ONE can disturb me. My clan doesn't go to bed usually until midnight, so I have to hide myself away when I just need a moment.

Sitting on the front porch watching the sun go down with something wonderful to drink and music playing out of my little Bose Speaker that goes everywhere I go. Peace, calm, beauty, quiet--so rare and so soul filling for me.

A one-woman 15 minute tea or coffee time in the middle of the day.

Ten minutes reading the psalms and then quick prayer, refocuses my mind on who God is and how much He loves me and desires to help me.

Going for long walks early in the morning or early evening--(the adrenalin builds up in me and I walk hundreds of miles a year to equalize my blood sugar and heart attitudes.) It is a great way to build friendship with your children, too.

Travel--I love adventure and change, (I was ADD before my children were born!) so I have taken myself and the kids to new places if I could figure out how to save money to afford it or speak to pay for my travel--or stay with friends along the way.

Developing a few covenant friends who I can be myself with and who mutually pour into each other's lives who invest love together over many years--making time to be with them when the stress gets me down.

I have learned the wonderful value of massages in the past couple of years. I save, save to make this happen on occasion.

Watching a beautiful movie or reading a long great inspiring novel gives me hope.

Dark chocolate salted almonds

Reading my little daily Bible time book, reading even a half chapter in an inspiring spiritual book--even a little progress helps-- and writing one thing I have thought or learned in my journal. Spiritual strength keeps my attitude stronger--longer.

Spending time, with one or both of my girls, shopping and doing girl things-- just hanging out on our beds talking.

Lighting candles all times of day (when I need atmosphere--not wo much when the kids were little--but when I needed to pretend that the mundane day would be special. It was a sort of visual reminder of what I needed to live int.) Having my music playing or buying myself flowers. Beauty lifts my spirit.

And actually in the making of beauty for yourself, it will be the way that others around you will learn to love and celebrate life, And they will learn to take care of themselves, too. Even those little babies that seem to need you all the time, will eventually mimic the habits your practice!

What is therapy to your soul? What 2 things will you do this week? Share your ideas--I may need a new one!

Who Am I?

"By spending time in His Word, we choose to believe that we are precious to our heavenly Father, regardless of how others have treated us, and we learn to live with a hopeful and cheerful attitude around our children." -The Mom Walk

Isn't it interesting that no matter how old we get, we still have insecurities? In a culture that is constantly trying to define the roles of mothers, wives, and women, many have forgotten who God designed us to be. Who/what has been defining you (past mistakes, painful memories, comparison, insecurities)? It is crucial that we believe in who God says we are, so that we may encourage and inspire our children to do the same. His fantastic love for us is transforming, but can only become truly powerful in our lives if we accept it as our truth. Let's take a look at the beautiful identity God has for women:

You are helpful and needed... "Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” … And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." -Genesis 2:18, 22-24

You are valuable... "An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels." -Proverbs 31:10

You are kind... "She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue." -Proverbs 31:26

You are strong... "She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future." -Proverbs 31:25

It is through spending time in His word that we are able to gain and benefit from the correct reminders of our true identity. We must be obedient and disciplined enough to silence the noise from the outside world long enough to listen to our Father. Meditate on those verses today, and take a moment to complete the reflection and application questions below.

-Out of the verses above, are there any parts of the identity God has for you that you have struggled to accept as your own? If so, which one(s), and why? -What insecurities do you need to let go of today in order to have a better attitude for and toward your children? -Are you still holding on to something negative someone has said/done to you? Spend some quiet time with the Lord today, and hand those burdens over to Him.