Moving from anger to joy

Just a short note and request. (Wednesday morning, January 16) I received a message last night that my dear oldest brother is being put into hospice and having the life support systems removed. He has had leukemia since May. I would so appreciate your prayers for our family during this time--that they would all be comforted and have a renewed sense of God's love for them.--especially my sweet brother Bill and his wife who have been caring for my brother for 6 months in Texas. Also, please pray for me as I have to speak this weekend in Colorado--that the Lord would sustain and help me to stay focussed and that many women would be greatly blessed and have their hearts inspired and encouraged.   *********************************************************************************************************

“Only a Christian has a right to hope, for only he has the power of God to give substance to his hope…Earth is bearable because there is hope." A.W. Tozer

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." Hebrews

"You seem to have such an utter enthusiasm for the Lord, it seems to just pour from your soul. The wisdom you have about God seems so unreachable for me. I am a mother of a two year old, a stay at home mom who plans to homeschool someday. I am a wife to my sweet husband. I am a daughter to the King. But for some reason, I just seem to be lacking the enthusiasm and wisdom that you seem to contain. I yearn for such excitement and knowledge of the scriptures. Honestly as a 30 year old woman, mother and wife, I am not sure how to get what you have."

Several sweet women have written letters to me in the past few weeks who have struggled with learning what it means to walk with God, to know Him, to feel that He is relevant. In the midst of these letters, I have also seen a pattern of women feeling anger and disappointment in their hearts. Life does not measure up, it is stressful, disappointing. Sometimes the anger is more personally focused--anger with their children, husband, life, circumstances (miscarriages, finances, marriage, homeschooling, themselves, etc.) I think that it is so important to know that all of us experience anger and a sense of injustice--I have been good and tried hard to please you, Lord, and this is what I get?! Anger, I believe, comes from disappointed expectations. We expected life or a person to behave in one way and it surprises us by behaving in just the opposite way that we wanted it to or hoped that it would. We feel anger when we think we had the right to expect that life or a person would behave in that way and if it didn't we get mad and feel justified in that anger. Anger can lead to depression and despair. There are many things in this fallen world that can oppress our spirits and tempt us to despair because the end results are not as we would hope or expect.

Several years ago, I had two miscarriages in one year, all of my three children at that time had pneumonia, chicken pox, ruptured ears and ensephalitis--all within two months! We had made a move to a very tiny town in Texas and I had no friends, Clay had no job and we were almost out of money. I was quite tired and danced with depression but was really seeking answers from the Lord. We lived with my mother-in-law at the time and going for long walks by myself was the only way I could get away to think and pray. Walking some days for 4-5 miles, I would review my life and think about so many things that were against us, and then I would pray.

One day, as I was walking and pondering, it was as if the Lord said to me, "Sally, if I took everything away from you that you hold dear, would you still believe in me?" It was suddenly as though God was shining a spotlight onto the deepest part of my soul, and I found at the very bottom of it, that with all the difficulties that a fallen world could throw at me, I would still rather hold on to my faith in God and believe in His love and goodness for the rest of my life, than to choose a life of existentialism and despair. But a realization came to me that this choice would require constant vigilance--that I would have to guard my heart and feed it with the truth of God's word and His Constancy in my life.

A part of me realized that day, that faith was planting a flag, so to speak, in my heart, and deciding to settle it once and for all--that the rest of my life, no matter what, I would choose to believe in the Bible, that Jesus was real, that God was loving, no matter what! Faith was the assurance of things hoped for but not seen. Faith was choosing to hope--to place my hope--in Him--every day, acting on that faith and hope--and understanding that without this commitment of my will to choosing to believe and hope--I couldn't be pleasing to God or sense His wisdom and hand upon my life.

I would look back on that day as a day which would determine my present and future walk with God--I would choose to believe the best, and act in light of what scripture said He was--loving, righteous, good, kind, wise, and so on. I would believe in light when I found myself in darkness. I would believe that love redeemed and was a perfect bond of unity, even when I was confronted with unloving, immature people

"as far as it is possible with you, be at peace with all men." Romans12:18---

Choosing to believe that God did listen to my prayers and that the prayer of a righteous person avails much--and that in His time, I would see eternal results--even if it wasn't on my time schedule.

"Ask and it shall be given to you, seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be open for you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks, finds and to him who knocks, it shall be opened. " Matthew 7:7-8

I knew that if every time something difficult happened to me, I put God on trial again, that I would only be unstable and insecure in life--wondering and fearing when the next trial or danger would come my way. But I also had the sense that if I built my life on the foundation of believing in Him, sowing faithfulness and goodness, that I would reap the blessing of freedom and peace from sowing on true and eternal principles.

"Do not be deceived. God is not mocked.Whatever a man sows this will he also reap." Galatians 6:7

I decided never again to go to the active place of doubt--that I would disregard it because of my once and for all commitment to believe in God, period. I pictured that in the same way that I made a promise that I would stay married to Clay and choose to love him unconditionally for all of our years--that divorce would never be an option--that I needed to picture my commitment to God like that--forever and final. The promise I had made of forever faithfulness to God that day would lead me to obey in my heart by looking at the flag I had planted on that day--every time my faith was tested. As I look back over the years, my commitment determined my behavior and always gave me direct instructions in which way to go--always to God, always to faith and always to obedience always to the word.

This did not mean that I would always have good feelings or not feel fear or doubt. The Psalmists give us a pattern of the anguish and sadness that life can bring. It is all right and normal to feel deeply sad, angry, disappointed and discouraged. God is the designer of our emotions and they serve a purpose. But, even in our emotions, we need to serve God and cultivate redemption and response to His will, by submitting our lives into his hands as Jesus did--not my will but yours be done.

The Role of Goodness and Beauty

We have this sense of beauty and goodness in our ideals because, I am convinced, we were made to experience excellence and perfection in every area by God's design. Intuitively, we sense there is a better way, a better place, and a sense of justice knows that tells us in our heart that life should be fair. We were made for justice and peace and beauty----and these shadows of reality lead us to hope for heaven--that place where we will not be disappointed. My deep longings become a platform for my hope for heaven. Paul and Peter depended on this hope, and it was so real to them, because they had experience Jesus face to face, and knew that their hope was founded on reality. It was their sure hope of heaven that gave them joy in this world.

So, my promise meant that I would act, in faith, in light of my commitment, and believe what I had learned from scripture was true. Along with that commitment, I redoubled my efforts at making a habit of giving God the chance to speak to me as often as possible by disciplining my life to have quiet times almost every day. Sometimes the quiet times would be great, sometimes they would be extremely short and sometimes I was dull and dead inside. But, I really have learned to turn my worries, and fears, one by one, to God and leave them there with Him. (Really, this is the reason I wrote the book The Mom Walk, because I wanted to encourage moms to understand more what it looks like to walk every day with God.)

I also began to understand that righteousness is something each person must grasp for. Only I knew how I cultivated faithfulness in my heart when no one else could see. Only I could choose to believe God every day. Only I could choose to be thankful and to observe the tangible beauty that He had place in my life for my own pleasure through creation. I was a conductress of my own symphony. I was responsible to cultivate all the good things in my family's life together so that the tangible reality of God would seem more present--setting the tone of celebrating life by bringing color and music and beauty in every aspect of our home--gathering great, hopeful stories through books, cultivating great memories with friends through parties and Bible studies meals and traditions. Lighting candles in the darkness and playing music to lift our souls. I made the goal of cultivating goodness and beauty into the moments of our days, so that our living would reflect the reality of what we believed about God.

Literally years and years and hundreds and hundreds of hours have I invested in faith and hope. As a consequence, I have seen more and more how the Holy Spirit, as a spring of living water, fills my soul--at the least expected times--with the ability to go on one more day or one more hour. My perspective has changed and deepened--I have learned little by little to let go of the things my hands grasped for in this world, to open my heart to priorities which are eternal--to those things which will reap and experience as a reward in heaven. By sowing faith, I have reaped the knowledge of God's love for me and a deeper understanding of His transcendence and humility. I have seen the Holy Spirit springing up through living waters in my heart--more peace and freedom from pleasing others, more joy at small gifts--a sunset, a hug, a friend's kind words, a Sunday morning breakfast with all 6 of us laughing, discussing scripture, sharing in our close fellowship and belonging as a family. My life is more centered in Him and less in my preoccupation with myself--but it has come through many years of building little by little in this direction--amidst a lot of stumbling and getting back up.

Once someone became angry with me because she said that in my blogs and articles it seemed as if my children were perfect and hers were not. I don't have to go very far to see all the flaws of my children, my husband or of me. And it would be easy for me to take credit for all of their failures, since I am their mother--and supposed to be responsible for training them. But instead of focusing on the bad, I have focussed on faith and potential which will someday be realized after years of praying and seeing God work--faith that God can take my honest offering of faith and hope--that He will make up for my deficit--that even though I don't understand why so many bad things happen--I can know that He is stronger and bigger than all the "bad" and that in His time, He will redeem everything. I live by faith in His power and not in my own. I trust in His ability to reach my children--not in my own lack of strength. I give Him my best and then leave the results in His hand and wait for His timing. This relinquishing, however, is one minute at a time--choosing one detail of my life at a time.

Personalizing that Faith

For instance, my oldest brother is on the border line between death and life with leukemia. He had a bone marrow transplant in early September, but now has lost so much weight and has moved into a semi-conscious stage. One nurse said it would be a huge miracle if he recovered from this. I have slowly processed these sad issues from afar--little by little. Simultaneously, Joy was experiencing some digestive problems so I decided to take her to the doctor to see if he could get to the root of the problem. He took a blood sample. Unexpectedly, Joy's blood levels of her white cells were at the same level of a leukemia patient--very, very low. Possibilities of Mono, Epstein bar, an internal infection, and worse. This all just happened on Thursday and Friday of this week. So yesterday morning, as I was driving in my car alone to meet Sarah for breakfast, the whole issue of leukemia and what had happened to my brother came upon me. I momentarily went through a "Oh, God, I don't know if I could bear to lose Joy. I cannot take more at this moment. Please, please don't let it be bad." And the sadness of some of the areas of our recent life came upon me. (the shootings and death of the two homeschool girls, my brother, our two mothers who are suffering in the senility and fragility and dissipation of old age, etc.)

But, because of habit, I turned my heart over to the Lord and gave the results of these issues into His hands. "Help me to trust you and to have perspective, Lord. Give me your words and your grace. Let me have peace in my heart." In the next few minutes, scripture after scripture came to my mind--Elijah resurrecting the widow's sick son, Jesus healing the little girl who had died; then my own life--almost dying of pneumonia 4 times in one year when I was Joy's age." I remembered God's faithfulness through Sarah's 7 years of being ill, of my own near death experience through a miscarriage when I hemorrhaged. In all of these times, he had carried us through. I remembered that He loved Joy and me more than I could imagine. I knew that whatever we found from the doctors, He would still be omnipotent and present. One worry at a time.

By the time I exited the freeway, to meet Sarah, I had placed my heart and my issues into His hands, realizing that Sarah needed me to be at peace and happy to be with her. By taking the responsibility of responding to His promptings, I had a blessed and wonderfully encouraging time with Sarah and emotional stability the rest of the day. It is not as simplistic as it sounds--but it is a process and habit I have learned as a way of life as I talk with Him all day!

(By the way, I just received a call from the doc and they said, "Amazingly, her blood counts are 1500 to 1700 higher and we no longer see the evidence of mono or hepatitis--her liver is clear and all of her counts are looking very healthy--so we have a different situation today!" I am so very grateful, of course, and think the Lord is strengthening her, but is also made me be more vigilant to supply her with lots of nutrients that she will need to go with us on all our trips the next few months.)

I bought some daffodils and went home to serve Joy and her friend a breakfast for princesses--candle light, fruit smoothies with whip cream, cinnamon toast on wheat bread, and scramble cheese eggs--at the girls' request. Beautiful instrumental music adorned the moment, and as we thanked God together for the breakfast, I blessed the girls and thanked God or giving such wonderful princess of His making and of beauty of soul. It was one more memory of delight and joy stored up in these girls' lives, which will be there for them to go to in any difficult times they face ahead.

I won't find out the final results of Joy's further blood tests until Monday or Tuesday, but I have put it all back in the laboratory of heaven, where God will direct and chosen to live life today in peaceful celebration of one more day to live for Him. A final heart step, though, is humility. Unless I understand and acknowledge that God is God and has a right to work in my life in whatever way he would, I will find myself shaking my fist at Him. Two people cannot rule at one time. If we are going to really know and follow God, we have to humbly give Him permission to do whatever He wants to do. Even as Jesus recited Psalm 22 from the cross--my God, my God why have your forsaken me?" All the Jews knew the next passage--"Yet, you are holy! Indeed in you our fathers trusted."

In other words, "You are the King, you know what you are doing. You rule and I bow the knees of my heart to your rule."

May the peace of the Lord be with all of you and may He bless you this week with a sense of His faithful love!

Sally

PS One of the deep pleasures of my life is reading Sarah's writing. She wrote a blog yesterday related to ideals in a fallen world at Itinerant Idealist. I think you will really be encouraged by it!

Perspective on December 26th

This morning, I lay in bed an extra thirty minutes after I awakened, dreading a little what lay ahead—the taming of the house from the aftermath of celebration. I feel a little like the toad in Wind and the Willows when he took the wild ride in a car he didn’t know how to maneuver, creating a bit of havoc along the way, and now the price had to be paid.

Our Christmas was filled with great family time, hilarious laughter, a few bad attitudes and bah humbugs, feastings, and lots of snow! No matter how hard we as moms try, there are still sinners in the house, but also, redeemed, and all in all, with grace extended, we made it!

I walked down the stairs to survey the damage—wrapping paper and Christmas bags that needed to be put away. Mugs with hot chocolate residue, piles of the kids’ gifts in their own corners, a full laundry basket, and dishes soaking in the sink from left over spinach casserole and brisket.

I made my morning cup of tea, proceeded to my bedroom and pushed all small messes in my room out of my sight from my quiet time chair, lit a couple of candles and plugged in my one strand of Christmas lights above my window, and slowly sipped my warm brew.

I had inserted an instrumental, Celtic hymns cd and sought to bring peace to my soul. The first song that gently filled my silent room brought inviting lyrics to my mind, “Earnestly, tenderly, Jesus is calling, calling for you and for me, …, Come home, come home, you who are weary, come home.”

What a loving, gentle call to me as a busy mom this snowy morning. Jesus wants to meet with me to love me, to give me peace, to give me perspective. He, who is my home, is waiting for me and will be with me.

I then opened up a little devotional book that I read most mornings which has bits of scripture for each morning and evening. There, right in front of me were His words of life to sustain me,

“Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord.” I Cor. 15:58

He knows about my work as a mom! He lovingly reminded me that my toil is not in vain. He understands how much I need to be encouraged because He understands weariness—Be steadfast—hang in there—commit to a heart of steadfastness, choose to be steadfast and immovable—why? Because, my work matters, it is changing history, one life at a time—I am soul-building—it counts.

The next verses struck my heart, “And let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season, we will reap if we do not lose heart.” Galatians 6:9

“Don’t lose heart, Sally, I see you, I know you, and I promise that all those prayers you have been praying, all the choices of faithfulness you have made when no one else saw, I saw. You will reap a harvest. Remember, I see you and I love you and I am waiting always to speak loving words to you, because you are my own daughter.”

He had tenderly, earnestly called me to himself this morning. My piles and duties and responsibilities, have not changed, but once again, after being in His presence, I am changed. I will turn on music while I work, and I might even dance a bit around my messy kitchen! My words will be softer and my actions more patient, because He has filled me and given me courage. I can rejoice because He is here, He has met me and will be with me. Yet, I see that my heart and joy and tone establishes the whole family in joy, and my celebrating life in the midst of it all, creates in them a willingness to follow my lead.

With Mary, his own courageous, steadfast mother, I will say, “My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit has rejoiced in God my savior.” Luke 1: 46-47

May His peace be upon you today.

Blessings and grace, Sally Sally@wholeheart.org

Tragedy--the pathway to Triumph

But when the kindness and love of God our Savior toward man appeared, not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Savior, that having been justified by His grace we should become heirs according to the hope of eternal life. Titus 3:4-7 Dear Sweet Moms,

I greet you this December day in the spirit of the kindness and love of our precious Lord. He pours out His abundant love and grace each and every day. He, as a good Father, wants us to be heirs of His glory and blessing. Above all, we have hope in this life—hope that He knows us, guides us, will bring us safely home into His presence where we will see Him face to face and be filled with His joy. We also have freedom from guilty or anger or inadequacy because of His provision, abundantly given through the Holy Spirit.

Yesterday, our family readied ourselves for church on a cold, 9 degree morning. Wondering if the roads would be okay to travel because of the snow the night before, we left early enough to be able to make the trek slowly.

A wonderful time of worship focused all of us on the eternal attributes of the Lord—His kindness, mercy, love, grace and sovereignty, through music. Our hearts were filled with anticipation. We all sat quietly to hear the message God had put on the heart of the visiting speaker, a wonderful older man of God. His heartfelt message pointed us to have a soft heart to be able not just to know, but to really hear the message of God coming to the world to bring hope and redemption.

As the service ended, we lingered in the foyer to greet friends, to rest in the atmosphere of peace that we all sensed from such a heartfelt message. Finally, five of us gathered to meet family friends for lunch. As we left the busy church parking lot, we passed Nathan, our son, who waved energetically as he drove off to meet with some other friends for lunch.

Within minutes of our departure, a gunman began to shoot wildly into the crowds where we had just been lingering in peace. One of my dear friends, the mother of one of Joy’s best friends, the leader of our homeschool support group of 600, was driving away with her husband, two of her daughters and a young woman who lived with them. The gunman turned toward them, shot directly at their family. The side passenger windows were immediately shattered as glass sprayed everywhere. The front window then exploded. And as the bullets sprayed into their small sedan, the seats were ripped and torn, and my friend realized that she was hit.

Her husband raced out of the parking lot, and without turning back, went hurtling toward the emergency room of our local hospital. Though the sadness of such a tragedy filled all of us with heavy hearts, we praise the Lord for the amazing miracles that He did perform. Amazingly, my friend only had a minor wound as the bullet tore straight across the top of her shoulder. How could six rounds of bullets discharged at fairly close range actually miss killing or severely injuring any of their family members, hitting the upholstery instead of the girls huddled in the back of a small car.

So far, three lives came to an end violently yesterday at our church. We spent the rest of the day as a family praying, pondering, comforting and seeking the Lord.

“He was despised and rejected by men, A man of sorrows, acquainted with grief,…, Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows, But he was wounded for out transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities, The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed.” Isaiah 53: 4-5

Jesus came as a “man of sorrows, acquainted with grief.” He bore the iniquity of us all—even of the madman of yesterday—out of His redeeming love. He came to grant us hope and peace. The message of Christmas this year, will mean more than ever. We are not a people left alone, to struggle with the rages and rampaging devastations of the sin alone. No, our message is that we have a transcendent God, ruler of the universe, who because of his incomprehensible love, has made a reconciliation for all times, for all people for all the evil that will exist during the short time we are alive on this earth.

As we talked until almost midnight, all of our children seemed to communicate as if from one heart. This incidence makes clear that they all want to be more intentional about giving His generous love, and forgiveness and grace to those who so desperately need hope. Each said that they wanted to find their place in God’s kingdom work. Each bowed their heart before the Father, asking for His power to live faithfully for Him.

The newscasts will focus on the tragedy. Yes, we indeed need to keep those precious families who will feel so much pain and grief as they live this Christmas without their beloved ones in our prayers.

Yet, I see the mighty hand of God at work. I see Him catalyzing an army of His children, in the ponderings of what really matters in life, to ready themselves to fight more valiantly in the battle raging in this world—the battle for righteousness for His sake for His kingdom, and the battle for the allegiance to Him in the hearts of our children. Though the enemy seeks to destroy and kill, our confidence is secure—“Greater is He who is in us than He who is in the world. He has overcome the world.” May we continue boldly in the spirit of over-coming. May the Savior Himself speak to your heart in the deepest places during this season of celebration of the meaning of His coming— the true significance of His sacrifice, and the joy of His resurrection of our lives beyond the limited time and space of our world—into the eternity that we will spend with Him in the place He has lovingly created for us where we will truly be at home! Blessings of His peace to you this December day. Love and grace, Sally

In light of this event, I find I am so galvanized to teach the Word of God, to encourage, to help you precious moms in the coming conferences. We pray for all of you who will attend, that you will know your strategic places in the realm of history as you invest your days in your homes for His glory! I hope that many of you will be able to be with us at our mom’s conferences this year.

You never know what a day holds!

Tuesday morning began as usual, except that I had anticipation and excitement for the day. My sweet Bible study of women (61 on the email roster--but usually just around 40 come at a time, due to the unpredictabilities of life.) I had planned to have all the candles lit throughout the house, my favorite Christmas album piping throughout the rooms, a buffet of goodies--appetizers, salads, delectable deserts--fun fellowship around couches and tables for a couple of hours, followed by Sarah playing Christmas music for us to sing to and a grand finale of sweet verses about Mary that God had put on my heart to share. I love these women because they represent to me all the sweet moms I know who daily sacrifice their lives to the Lord by serving their precious children. It was to be a good evening.

However, when I awakened, I noticed that I wasn't feeling just right. To make a long story short, I kept ignoring how I was feeling because of the adrenalin that was flowing in having all of us straighten the house to get ready for the event. I was feeling a strange ache in my lower regions, but thought I could run a couple of errands with my older kids, since Nathan had taken Joy to a lesson and out to lunch for treat. As we stopped for lunch, I was already feeling feverish and shakey--went to the bathroom and passed some blood and clots. I came back to Sarah and Joel and said, "I think I need to go to the doctor--now!" After some calls were made, I was told to go the emergency room and 3 hours later, emerged with some medicine and a pronouncement of a severe urinary tract infection. Whoa---where did that come from? Not now, not today!

Party cancelled, I went to bed. The moms stayed home. The next day, we were scheduled to have our mother-daughter Christmas tea. We have had it for at least 14 years in a row that we can remember. Sarah, undaunted, said, "Mom, I think we still need to have it. But you stay in bed and I will take care of everything!" I knew she was already tired from previous days. But when I awakened the next morning, I found a dazzling table, shining gold and red and china and silverware and candles all sparkling. I walked into the kitchen and was astounded. Seems she had stayed up cooking the night before until midnight and Clay had washed the dishes as she cooked. Always the same menu--chilled raspberry soup to start out with, curried chicken salad with pecans, onions, grapes and vanilla yoghurt dressing as special additions; mixed greens with feta cheese, craisins, onions, and toasted nuts; fresh scones with mock clotted cream and blackberry or raspberry jam and the grand finale, chocolate mousse cake. (Yorkshire Gold tea in one pot and vanilla tea in the other.) Of course she had remembered the angel ornaments as favors for each person at their place! She had done it all, decorated it all, organized it all! I just rested on the couch the rest of the morning until friends came.

In the midst of not feeling well, though, I was blessed deeply in my soul to see my older children rise to the occasion--Joel did the grocery shopping for Sarah, Nathan took Joy to do some shopping for favors for a Christmas party she was having on Friday; Joel made pizza for Joy's friends, Nathan laid out the chips and dip---a Christmas party for a few girls from Youth Performing arts choir and then the results of above tea. I told Sarah, that now that she could make great potato soup (our comfort food when we are sick--she had made me some the night before) and organize and run our formal Christmas luncheon for 11, while taking care of the needs of everyone at the end of having worked tirelessly on editing a book, then she was indeed ready to get married. (Problem is, no godly men in sight at this moment. Oh, well, any prayers toward this end would be appreciated, though I am benefiting a lot from having a best friend still at home!)

We have never had good support systems--not much family to nurture my children. Perhaps because I am in and out of town and have groups in my home, people perceive me as having support systems and friends. But we have not had that broad community of people who bring meals and help clean the house or do favors during illness. I have so appreciated the wonderful friends who have so generously blessed us over the years. (A couple of friends blessed us with 2 meals this week that were indeed yummy! And we are indeed blessed with all the wonderful people we know!) Yet, moving so much and the nature of our traveling ministry, has limited these kinds of support systems for us. But I do have this great community, though, that I think will always be loyal no matter what--it is my immediate family. We grew with our children and became each other's best friends over the years. We have had to meet each other's needs. We have had to appreciate each other's art or skills and comfort each other in the midst of life. But it is the picture of what God created the family to be--before the fall--before sin entered the world--He created the family to be the place of stability, security, blessing and comfort. So, now, as I am surrounded my own little community of Clay, Sarah, Joel, Nathan and Joy, I am thankful that through the years of forging our own stability, the kids were learning and growing in independence. Our deep desire for friendship is still there. We have gone through so many times of wishing for kindred spiritual friends. I did think, at times, that I would probably die early of exhaustion, and had to deal with all sorts of emotions over the years as Clay and I primarily raised our children without much help or support. And we dearly love our friends--we love the families we know best. But, now, with years of faith-filled enduring the seasons of life, we also are thankful for the little team that God has forged here in our home--a precious legacy that is still intact and blesses us more each year.

On another note, it is easy to read about someone else's traditions and think them perfect. But, not true at our home. Lest you think our days run perfectly and things happen easily--the shower also broke in the midst of in the tea party day and started leaking, and Joy eventually came down with a little stomach bug. There were still dirty dishes after the tea, but even washing all the dishes from the party was a memory as all the moms, my 33 year old niece and Sarah made easy work of the kitchen together amongst the giggling and antics--even the work was a time for great fellowship. All while I sat and enjoyed the scene.

I see that it is good for me to be reminded that my children are pretty self-sufficient without me. They have listened and lived and learned well. It is what we all wait for. But sometimes, with everyone at home, and me still in charge, I can forget how capable they are--ready for life, skillful for the challenges ahead. Even more, this week did not meet my plan--it is not how I wanted to spend the Christmas season. (Seems my bladder infection has now moved to possible kidney infection or kidney stone--the adventure is not over yet! )But, this season will be special--different from all the rest--because I was ministered to personally, deeply, by the love and care of my children--a hand massage from my two girls, flowers from a thoughtful child, Clay manning the kitchen dishes with the help of the boys. Maybe if I had been well, I would have made it through the whole holiday season without any personal needs met. Resting and resisting being a Martha is against my nature. But, submitting to the moment, gave me a peace that all will be well, as life went on well without me being in charge. It was a reminder to me that, "All flesh is like the grass. The grass withers and fades away, but the word of the Lord endures forever." This mortal life passes and is no more. Someday, the distractions will all be over for us! My focussed season of motherhood will be over soon, and I will hopefully be able some day, to be the support system to my own children with their children. But learning to rest in this day and learning to see with the eyes of my heart all that I have to be thankful for, is what keeps my soul alive and filled with light. I am indeed blessed! May I ever, each day, keep coming back to investing in that which will last, love for each other, love for God, living in His truth and provision. Hope you have a merry week!

Spiritual Depth takes time!

Recently, I spent a couple of hours with a dear friend. At the end of our time, she asked, "Sally, do you ever feel lonely? I mean lonely for a friend who really has your heart and love and passion for life. I have so many friends, but I don't really have friends who seem to have quiet times and who share with me what they are learning from the Lord. No one really initiates praying together. Very few of my friends have ideals for their lives. I long for deep, spiritual friendships and companions."

Have you ever felt that way? I have. As a matter of fact, I used to feel like I was too much for people and still in many groups I feel like I have to hold back and not really expose myself. God made me a passionate person and I must live life with gusto--it is who I am. Yet, I have a very few friends who I know, when I am with them, that will share deeply, talk about ideas and scripture and what they are learning or care deeply about. I have, for so many years, felt lonely and longed for fellowship personally and for our family. We have loved the depth of life and fun and spirituality we have shared as a community of family, but it has been difficult to find like-minded matches for our family, and often for the individuals of our family. I think this is a more common problem than many think, because I hear it a lot.

Yet, I do have several friends with whom I can totally be myself. But even more, I know that when I am with them, my emotional and spiritual cup will be filled. Every time I am with these three or four friends, I know I will leave wanting to be a better person, cultivating deeper faith in my life, living more boldly for the Lord, enduring in my work for His kingdom and we usually share lots of giggles and opinions that we are free to share with each other because of our bond. My special friends who are this way are spread out all over the country and I don't often get to see them, but I cherish them in my heart. I meet others along the way in which I share this kind of relationship and am always grateful, though, I meet them along the way and they are not a part of my "regular" circle, in which I have had lots of time to log together. But I appreciate this kind of friendship because the effect on me is that it thrusts me in the direction that I long for in my soul, and always makes me want to love God more and to be more worthing of such love. It feels good to know that I can be myself and to have personal encouragement and validation. Friends can make friends feel good!

I think that longing for eternal things is a gift from the Lord. As a deer pants for the water, so my soul longs after you, Oh, Lord. I didn't always see it this way, because many of the years of my life and moves, I have felt deeply lonely and longing for a friend to recipricate. Yet, I see now that I can turn this longing to the Lord and it is where He meets me. These longings are sometimes shadows of what we can glimpse in this world, but will not fully experience until heaven. Longings speak to us of what we can expect in heaven. But it is these very longings that have taken me to Him. He is there, giving me perspective, teaching and talking into my heart.

Sometimes just being caught up in the "busy-ness" of life, can leave my soul empty and my feelings dry. However, we cannot pass on to our children deep, sincere love and pleasure of God, if we haven't drunk deeply from His well ourselves. Again, I am not talking about you or me becoming more religious--but truly more relaxed, honest time with the one who made me and knows me. God is like us or perhaps, more truthfully, we are like Him. He is a God of relationship. He longs for our companionship and trust and deepest thoughts and cares. Hard to imagine, but He, in the midst of running the universe, was walking the the cool of the garden in the middle of the day, looking for fellowship with Adam and Eve. I am in the process of studying David's life and see that David had inner eyes in His heart, that saw God, and thought His thoughts and valued His ways. He loved and revered Him. God was a reality in the moments of His celebrations, the tears he shed on his bed during times of despair, the one who gave His warrior soul strenght through His battles. He was a man after God's heart, because He was a man who lived in the present moment with God.

With David, this did not mean spiritual piety in the sense that he "acted religiously" and spoke with stilted words in an affected voice. No, he was a man of bear and lion killing, warrior-ing, dancing, feasting and blessing, singing and eating--a friend beloved by his many fellow soldiers. A real, live, man of many dimensions.

God does not want you to carve out a few insipid moments to say words to Him. He wants your fullness of personality and life. God made me, as I am. I make lots of mistakes. I am visionary and passionate and love people, but still get tripped up over simple issues like messes. Martha is lurking at the door of my heart many moments when I just need everyone to "Get work done!" But there is a Mary side that really longs for the reality of God and sometimes she is reigning. I have great insights and great failures. My kids and husband know me in all of my glory and lack thereof! However, there is a life inside of me, that keeps me going. It is indeed a well of living water springing up in the moments of my despair when I feel the darkness lurking again in my soul's emotions.

However, I do not see this side of many friends. Frankly, I think that it is because many of the precious moms I know are busy with their own children and lives and you have to have time with people in order to be able to get into a good conversation. I, also, have been lonely for those who know the spiritual hunger that drives me. I love to hear the depths of people's hearts and fellowship with them there, in the places where life really matters. But this kind of life only happens for those who seek Him--those who make the seeking of Him their life's goal--the pleasing of Him their fondest wish. There is a dimension of living that only comes from being there in His presence, daily, weekly, monthly, for years and years. The more years that I have spent reading His word, the more often His word comes to my mind throughout the moments of my days. Seems to me, though, that when I am with someone who is pretty deeply spiritually connected, I can almost spot it right away--not so much because they say spiritual things, but usually this kind of person is involved in reaching out to others, encouraging and self-sacrificing a fun and outreaching friend. It is obvious to me that they are not the center of their own lives. They have had to make some decisions along the way that they will not have hurt feelings, though they could; they have decided that they have a stewardship from the love of God to help and reach out to others---a giving spirit, one who is generous in life, is a sign of one who is connected to God--because that is what He is like. It is in just being with them, that I can tell they "get" God.

I am teaching 2 middle school age speech classes. My main goal for these kids is to help them to learn to be communicators--to realize that all speech--whether to a friend, a co-worker or to a group--has the power to give life, to encourage, to instruct, to inspire or to tear down, poison, discourage. Yet, words are only powerful if they are spoken or written. So many that I know, don't take the time to verbally encourage or to write a note to someone they appreciate or to open up to a friend the very deepest things that are on their heart. Probably the thing I most value most in a person is one who takes initiative or calls or invites me over or in some way reaches out---because it is just a part of who they have decided to be as they have become a mature person.

There are so many times when all of us are weary and I have to say that many years in a row I have to battle being down. But, as I studies the Israelites, I saw how God disciplined them for complaining and for not having faith. When we are weary, we need rest and we need to look for fellowship. But eventually, we must let God strengthen us and decide to be joyful, because it is the only way to be able to cultivate faith and to endure the moments of our lives with grace---but we have to learn to hold on to hope for what is to come.

When we stay in the self-centered position, we ignore the needs of others and become even more depressed. Being ignored or feeling invisible is a very painful and difficult thing for a person to feel and I see that so often, and have felt it at times. However, if someone would just say a word, give a card or send an email, so many who long for love, would be encouraged. I see passivity and lack of outreach as comparable to the person who buried his talent in the ground. Eventually, even the little he had was taken from him. Don't be passive in relationships--either at home or within your own community. Everyone you know needs to know you care. I have never known of anyone who had too much encouragement.

One of my speech classes is very talkative and funny and engaged and loud. I can manage them because they have spunky spirits. However, the other class is extremely quiet. Self-consciousness and fear of failure makes this class more difficult to motivate. It is hard to motivate those who will not respond or perhaps are a little too self-absorbed. I have spent time in self-absorption but have come to realize that eventually it only leads to my own alienation from others.

I have learned over the years, that if I want fellowship with women, I most often have to make it happen myself. I have to start a Bible study or a once a month fellowship group. I have to open our home. I have to invite friends to lunch or go to a mom's group. Sometimes I have come home from these meetings feeling lonelier than ever. But I have found that if I hang in there, a friend or a few friends will rise to the top and slowly, I will begin to enjoy fellowship. Yet, most often, I have had to initiate. I have just learned to accept this and not resent it. It has been the same for my kids and for our family our whole history. Yet, Jesus modeled initiation for us--while we were yet sinners, he died for us. While we were going our own way, he intervened into our world to provide love and grace and healing.

Some ideas we have initiated in the past is a once a month mom's tea group. I used to have just a couple of mom's over for a hot mug of tea, hot chocolate or coffee, while all the kids played outside. Once I was in a group that met at a local coffee shop once a month, which gave all of us a break. I have a once a month group in my home now and we are going through the Mission of Motherhood. There are about 80 on our roster, but usually 35-50 come each month and they come at 6:30 and often the last person is walking out the door around 10. We have snacks that different women bring and have a great time together. We always have Christmas teas for different moms and daughters. Christmas parties, fall festivals, book clubs, girl's group, harvest party. Our home is a center for life. We have few relatives, and those we have, are not near by or really have much to do with us on a regular basis, so we have had to keep reaching out just to keep finding fellowship.

The greatest value of all of these efforts, which do not always produce close friends, is that I have built my own, very deep friendship with Sarah, and Joy in the midst of it. They are so interesting and engaged in the things that I love to talk about. Joel and Nathan are soul-filling friends with whom I love to have time alone. They care about deep ideas and what matters in life. Though I had to wait for this kind of friendship for many years, (except for with Clay) it was through the dinner table discussions that Clay and I cultivated, the one on one tea times in my room, the traveling and working together as a family, that slowly built those heart connections that now give me the fellowship I always longed for. Nurturing my own family has ended up giving me the gift of friendship and depth of intimacy I wanted for so many years, but never managed to always have. It is so important, in this isolationist world, when everyone is at break-neck speed, to make the time to invest personally, to take initiative to encourage, and to really seek to be a friend, so that the community from which God meant for us to take strength and comfort, will be there to help carry us through all the seasons of our lives. In is in the keeping of friendships, in and out of our home, that the strength of Christianity will be felt in our world.

Taking Time for Autumn Tea!

One of our favorite fall traditions in our home is putting away fruit for the cold winters ahead. Now I am not a canning type of person, and don't know very much at all about preserving fruit or vegetables. Yet, many years ago, we got into the habit of putting peaches and apples up for the winter and we have such great pies and crisps and fruit to have with our homemade soups in the winter because of our fall effort! I even think that food that you have lovingly prepared yourself for special occasions tastes even better because of the pleasure you get out of producing it yourself. This year, we bought a couple of boxes of wonderful peaches from our farmer's market. Later next week, we will make a trip to the Apple Farm and pick a couple of boxes of apples to make into applesauce. Yesterday, Sarah, Joy and I each sat on the den floor on a beach towel. We each had our own box of peaches to work from and a bowl to put our peeled and sliced peaches into! We almost always watched either a tales of Avonlea or Anne of Avonlea or Anne of Green Gables--though we have seen it a thousand times, we always do it in the fall. We peeled for a couple of hours and then bagged up the peaches in zip lock baggies. I also made a peach pie for dinner, served with ice cream--that was our whole dinner.

The reward of our labor was to sit with our piled high bowls of hot peaches and cream with a steaming mug of tea. We have been sitting on our porch at nights with our plates in hand for dinner just to enjoy what is probably to be the last of the golden autumn fall evenings. In Colorado, we know that snow is surely coming soon, so we want to squeeze out every lst bit of pleasure.

Do you remember the childhood song “I’m a Little Tea Pot”?

I'm a little tea-pot, short and stout. Here's my handle. Here's my spout. When I get all steamed up, hear me shout. Just tip me over and pour me out.”

Remember how much fun it was to hold one arm out straight and the other on you hip and pretend to pour yourself out? As moms we tend to “pour” ourselves out day-in and day-out. Every single season of a mom’s life is personally and relationally taxing. Being a godly mother demands our emotional energy, our spiritual wisdom and walk with the Lord, our brains, and our time and resource as we focus on investing love, encouragement, and wisdom into our children’s souls. Because the nature of motherhood is to always give out, her mind, soul, and body are always expending resources. It is so important to take time to be in God’s presence in quietness every day so we can refuel from the one source of true light. Focusing on the beauty and joy of God all around me has been what has kept me going through all of these wondrous and often bumpy years of motherhood. Take time to refocus your heart. Take time to sit in your favorite chair after a crazy day, with a perfectly brewed cup of tea, a lit candle and soft music playing. Take time to soak up the beauty around you. (The Mom Walk)

***Bread and water can so easily be turned into a piece of toast and tea!***

WHMoms.wordpress.com

If you enjoy this blog, be sure to look at my other blog where I have other articles! The link is here:

Taking Joy--the choice that makes all the difference

“How do we make the commitment to give the area of motherhood over to God as a sacrifice of worship to him? We yield our personal rights into his hands. We give up our time and expectations to him-and also our fears and worries about how we will manage. We trust him to take care of us and our family. We let him redirect our thinking and expectations and adjust our dreams. And we wait in faith to see the fruit of our hard labor in the lives of our children, knowing that he will be faithful to honor our commitment to him.”The Mission of Motherhood, p. 54

Buzzing around the main floor of my house, I lit the candles in each room, picked up the last few minutes of mess--a stranded book and magazine, two pairs of shoes, a mug and tea cup, and made put out some lemonade and ice water, and paper cups, napkins and desert plates. Just as I was finishing, the door bell began to ring and I could hear chatter and laughter bubbling over at the front door.

This marked the beginning of my mom's Bible study, which meets monthly at my house. Over the next half hour, my dining table filled with goodies to share and my home filled up as around 35 women came and began to catch up with friends or meet newcomers. I so enjoy my times with kindred spirits like these moms. Old and young, different cultures and backgrounds and family make up create a real pool of comments and ideas shared. This evening, I had decided to have each of the moms introduce themselves and use three adjectives to describe how they were feeling.

Now, the interesting thing was that they all looked perky and upbeat and combed and groomed. Nothing belied that any of these women were troubled. Yet, as we went around the room, probably the most common adjectives used were terms like, "exhausted, weary, overwhelmed, tired, inadequate." With the responsibility of children--feeding, clothing and caring for their physical needs as well as training and disciplining them, inspiring them and teaching them comes an endless pathway of work. Though I didn't take lightly any of the feelings that these precious moms were experiencing, I did see a funny sort of comfort that they all felt in the fact that they weren't alone in their feelings!

This particular evening stimulated more thoughts that I have been having of late about the whole concept of joy. Seems most of the people I know understand from their own life circumstances that, "in this world you have tribulation," as Jesus said the night before he was crucified. I found out that a more contemporary meaning to the word, "tribulation" is great stress. No matter what country you live in, there is great stress--the tension that comes from living in a fallen world: war, corrupt governments, famines and natural disasters, etc.

Yet day to day issues also drain us, making enough money to provide for basic needs; trying to build a legacy of righteousness, or to love in a marriage where the two partners have a sinful---selfish nature, or to take care of a gaggle of children and attempt to educate them in a culture that diminishes the meaning of family or children, or to try to live for righteousness in a communist culture where there is no value for God, etc.

All mothers called by God in whatever culture, have such significance in determining what will happen the next generation by what they choose to do with their lives and by how they invest their lives in their children and other people. Moms are the strategic warriors in this battle for the souls.

If an officer quits his post in the battle because of weariness, then those left under his charge will flounder. If the officers model strength, good attitudes, courage, leadership, then the soldiers will more likely perform heroically. We all benefit from moms--(soldiers) who are strong and committed in their positions. When another woman chooses to live with a thankful heart before God and does her work with joy and accepts the limitations of her life with faith and courage, it causes me to draw upon the inner strength that is available to me in my own heart, and then shows my children to bear up under their own loads in life. A chain effect falls into place.

Jesus's anecdote to having stress in this world was, "Take courage! (which requires a heart choice.) I have overcome the world." Our courage, our hope, our lack of fear comes from understanding that the consequences of this world and the choices we make will have significance in the next world. I have had a saying with my children that is about this issue of stepping up to the bat. "Buck up, bucco!" It is a line we heard in a movie and seems to apply to so many of our situations in life. It basically means, "You can do this. You have the resources within. You need to gird your mind and heart and determine to make it!"

Gwen is my dear, cherished friend from my days as a single missionary in Poland. We committed to becoming Jonathon and David friends when we were single women living in a Communist country. Gwen always wanted to get married as she is the picture of a supportive, loyal friend who creates an incredible artistic and lovley home environment.She spent 28 years as a missionary working in Eastern Europe serving, loving and making so many feel the love of God as she served them through her apartment. During her time there, her two brothers, her father and all the relatives close to her, except for her mother, died.  Now, after living in Vienna, Warsaw, and Krakow, and traveling the world and meeting with all sorts of interesting people on a daily basis, she has moved back home. Gwen lives in a small coal mining town in Kentucky in the 60 year old home in which she grew up. She is daily caring for her mom who has Alzheimer's, and has been doing so for the past 4 years. When her sweet mom, who is 92 this fall, passes to be with the Lord, Gwen will have no more relatives alive from her immediate family.

Recently, I planned a speaking engagement around a visit with Gwen on my birthday, because I knew she would spoil me. (Best friends do that for each other.) She drove with me from her house on a swelteringly hot day the 2 hours to Louisville and stood on her feet all day working at my book table. We packed up from the small conference and finally had lunch at a tiny cafe at 2:45 in the afternoon, before traveling home in time to put her mom to bed and to relieve the worker who was staying with her.

I asked her as we were lingering over our last bit of lunch, "How are you really doing?" Her almost immediate answer was, "My heart is joyful." Immediately the verse, "A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones," came to my mind. "What do you mean?" I queried.

"I feel like all of us have so many choices to look at life from the perspective of a glass of water half-empty or a glass of water half-full. I have made a concerted effort over the years to look at my life in light of all that God has provided me and have willed myself to find joy in each day, thankfulness in every situation. It is better for me to find joy every day and to cultivate contentment so that I can have the strength and courage I need to face every day. If I allow myself to wallow in my dark thoughts, I just go downhill."

Being in Gwen's home, is such a picture of living joy. Though her home is tiny and in a community that has seen better days, Gwen has brought light and redemption. She has painted and restored one old, outdated room at a time, making it a place of beauty. Planting flowers and trees and restoring her yard to becoming a place of beauty has become a long term goal. Studying cook books and learning to fix gourmet meals for all who come into her home has kept her creative juices going. There is no one in her home to encourage her, to tell her that the table setting was pretty or the food delicious. Her mom, like mine, is in the blank stare phase of life, so is unable to appreciate the beauty that Gwen has created. But she is a wonderfully sweet, gentle mom who has always loved Gwennie as a child. So Gwen lives with this memory and keeps it alive as she serves her mother each day.

I always know that when I visit her, Gwen will have a verse or insight to share from the quiet times she has faithfully been having for the past 40 years. She will give me a new idea to ponder a challenging book to read--(one of several birthday presents she bestowed--Simply Christian by N.T. Wright).

When I am with Gwen, she gives me courage. If she can resist the feelings of loneliness, the questions about her long and short term future--with no assurances about what is ahead, and live graciously to serve the needs of her mother and friends, I know that I can make those choices, too, because she has modeled it for me. When she chooses to lovingly clean up her mom's various sorts of messes, thanking God for one more day with her, even though her mom doesn't always know who Gwen is, I have more strength to come home to clean up my children's messes and be grateful that I can enjoy the companionship of my children. I know that Gwennie has faced all sorts of "demons" over the years-whys? that will never be answered, lonely nights and weeks, disappointments, rejections, but it is the choices that she has made in each of these situations that has made her one of the most life-giving, encouraging people I know. It is why I am committed to visiting her and sending my children to visit her as often as possible, because I love to expose all of us to her spirit.

I prayed and pondered for quite a while before I named my personal blog, "I take joy!" Having lived through so many years and seasons of life as a mom and wife, I am very familiar with these feelings of being somewhat overwhelmed. As a matter of fact, I can tend, at times, toward sad and dark thoughts and feelings. However, I have slowly learned over the years, that as I have acquired the ability to maneuver and guide my life toward the Lord, in the midst of these feelings, I have discovered some "secrets" that I want to focus on until I die. Satan would just love for me to become overwhelmed with the darkness and sadness of life. But learning to "walk in the light, as He is in the light," has become a way of making choices that have determined a more lasting and productive outcome for both me and my sweet family.

I decided some years ago, that one of the greatest gifts I could give to my children would be the gift of a happy mother. When I am happy and singing through the day and loving them and giving words of life, I am building strength and courage and faith into them--not because our lives have been easy, but because my children know the heavy loads of work, the lack of support systems we have had, the passive and sometimes hostile rejection from many close to us and the constant work of our home and ministry---and yet, hopefully still see the choices I have made to be joyful--it is not a feeling, but an obedience out of gratefulness and love to the Lord. And interestingly, usually, my feelings will eventually follow the choices I make. When I practice thankfulness and contentment and praise, my heart follows my will. Interestinly, I see my oldest children have already been in very difficult situations which require faithfulness and a choice of faith and joy, yet I see that they are making these choices and I am so proud of their character as I see it being forged in their own challenges of life.

I do not always succeed at this way of living. I had a momentary meltdown even this weekend. Yet, I have cherished the idea of dancing with joy as a goal of my life. I want to create light in a dark world, because the "light of life" lives in me. It is a commitment I have made, a flag planted in the ground, to finish well--to finish in the light, to finish practicing the true dance of life with my Partner who I will soon see face to face. In His graciousness and patience and longsuffering and creativity and beauty, I have found the resources I need. So again, today, as I start another school year, I am determined to Take Joy, to live in it, nurture it, dwell in it, because the hearts of all who look to me will be better fed when I dwell in that place.

Joy and the results of Anne of Green Gables You Tube

Today, August 22, we received a comment on our blog from Sullivan Ent. Basically they thanked all of the girls for auditioning and wished them good luck.  Perhaps the results of the Youtube competition did not turn out as they expected, as there was no mention made of the Youtube voting. We wish them well in regards to their new movie and know it will be delightful!

However, as I was thinking about how to communicate this information to so many kindred spirits who took time to vote, I want to tell you that Joy had a blast doing the video and then receiving so many wonderful comments. Thanks to each of you who took time to vote. I can't believe just how many kindred spirits there are out there and how thoughtful so many of you were to vote. Joy received around almost 9000 views over the past few weeks so many wonderful comments and ratings because of you taking the time. You are truly wonderful and a blessing to us!

I do want to say, however, that our family has been blessed by literally hundreds of hours of very excellent, high quality entertainment by some of the productions of Sullivan Entertainment. We feel that Anne of Green Gables is practically one of our personal friends. I would also like to thank Sullivan entertainment for taking the time and money to produce such wonderful videos with great morality and good family values in a time when so few people have produced such quality entertainment. The Road to Avonlea is a 7 year series that we first saw many years ago. We have all 7 seasons and almost have them memorized. I would highly encourage any of you who are seeking great productions to try these out. You can find out more information about them by going to Sullivanmovies.com. (or look for more information below) Joy and Clay and I wish the best to Sullivan entertainment and hope that the new movies turns out great! Thanks so much for all of your support!

I want to thank each of you for becoming a part of this adventure. By God's grace and sense of fun, people all over the world have let Joy hear from her by your vote on Youtube. We know that many of you are not members of Youtube and have not been able to vote. Most of all, it has been a fun adventure and a real affirming time to our sweet fourth child, who has usually had to wait in line for attention! Thanks for all the ways you have made her feel loved. There are lots of talented girls who participated and we hope they all felt encouraged.

THE STORY: Joy is a born performer, and has felt for some time that God might want her to someday be a light for him as an actress or performer. For the past two years, while she has performed, sung, and acted in many lead and support roles, we have prayed with her that God would open doors of opportunity like this one for her to explore her gifts on a larger stage.

Many have sent letters to ask what performances Joy has been in. She has been on stage literally since she was 4 days old--as she performed with me in the promise for 2 years. She has been in musicals, dramas, and even a historical movie. She was a soloist in Wonderland, which played to an audience over the holidays of 50,000. She loves her youth performing arts choir and is this fall involved in a production of Little Women.

For those who missed this audition and want to see it, you can go to: This is the link for the Sullivan YouTube screentest group: http://www.youtube.com/group/screentest Go to “Videos” and look for “Anne Audition video by Joy Clarkson” (She is in the 6th page of videos!) ABOUT THE MOVIE: The Anne of Green Gables Prequel promises to be a wonderful family movie, produced by Kevin Sullivan, of Sullivan Entertainment, the same company that has given the world the award-winning Anne of Green Gables mini-series, and seven years of family-affirming TV in the Road to Avonlea series. You can visit their website at www.sullivanmovies.com. There is a link on the home page to information about the new movie and the audition process.

Thank you so much for joining the Joy Brigade. So many of you all over the world responded to us and to other blogs adn announcements who supported her. What a fun blessing it was to all of our family to see where all the blogs go! You are indeed our kindred spirits.I so appreciate your support and encouragement.

LESSONS JOY LEARNED FROM THE OPPORTUNITY!

We are thankful for all the ways our children have opportunities to grow and learn in life. I asked Joy what she thought she learned out of it. This is what she said:

1.It is always more work than you think to produce a video or article or to act in a play. However, every project in which I work, I get more experience and become more confident. (Joy is my cool-headed constant child!)

2. No matter how diligent you work, you are not always going to get responses from directors, or agencies or publishers, (like with your first books, Mom!) But if you believe it is a skill or gift God has given, you still need to keep trying and trying.

3. If I am ever in charge of a production company, I will try to make sure I communicate to anyone who participates in my program, because I sure would have liked to have at least received an email from the company. It taught me what I would do differently. But if they are like my mom and dad, they receive more emails and correspondence than they can answer, and another thing mom and dad said was to try to give people the benefit of the doubt!

4. Mom and Dad have always said that if you want to become a leader in an area, you need to understand that a person who puts herself in front of others always becomes a target of someone--and that is just a part of public life. I used to see that for my mom and dad, but now I saw it for myself. But I received so many positive encouragements, that the few negative comments didn't bother me, but just got me more used to the process. I would rather perform or write or work hard in front of other people and get some negative comments than to never have the opportunity to work.

If you want to see more of Joy's story, you can go to this link.More... THE BACKGROUND STORY: Joy literally came out of the womb performing on stage. At four days old, she was wrapped in a cloth that was slung around my neck as I played the role of a crowd person and an older Mary at the cross, in a large-cast amphitheater production. By the time she was 12 months, she was “in character” every night, holding her little hands up to Jesus as He passed by her singing a song. As our ministry grew and expanded, she has loved being on the speaking “stage” with me and greeting the moms at our large hotel conferences. Over the years, she has performed in children's musicals, plays, reciting poetry, giving speeches and singing solos.For the past two years, Joy has prayed regularly that someday God would open the doors for her to have a bigger role in movies or on stage. "Mom, there are such bad themes and immoral people in movies and television series. I hope some day, our family will be able to bring light to these places and tell them about family and beauty and good stories. Will you pray with me that God would provide an opportunity?"

So we have prayed. I didn't really think much would come from little Colorado Springs as the movie industry here is not exactly big-time. She has been so persistent and faithful, but we were thinking more about God opening some door when she was 18 or older. However, when a friend sent an announcement to us about Kevin Sullivan holding an “open casting” call for a 10-12 year-old girl to play the part of a young Anne of Green Gables, it looked a lot like a door. Prospective Annes were invited to post a 2-minute video audition on the Sullivan group page on YouTube, where viewers would vote on their favorites.

Joy went straight to work, staying a couple of hours in her room on Saturday morning writing her monologue to capture the spunk of Anne and get in lots of different expressions of Anne's life! Then she began to work on her costume (from period clothes she had as a junior docent at Rock Ledge Ranch!), and began to practice morning, noon and night. Finally, by Sunday afternoon, she had convinced us that she was serious about this and that we needed to film her audition and post it to YouTube.Clay and I talked to her about it on Saturday and reflected that we thought just to have written her script and prepared everything was a great experience. As we talked and prayed with her, she said, "Nothing may come of this, and I understand that, but shouldn't I be faithful to do my best if God provided this opportunity after praying for years that he would?!" She had a point! So, on Sunday afternoon, Clay faithfully filmed her monologue--probably about 40 times! (You can't imagine how many times helicopters, planes, a zooming motorcycle, several loud cars driving by, dogs barking, our neighbors wind chimes, and a spider climbing up Clay's arm provided constant interruptions and humorous memories as we tried to get just one good take!)

We appreciate your support for this wholehearted child!

Taking Time to show Kindness

Sunday morning found me hiding under my covers. For years and years, as long as I can remember, I have been an early riser, mostly because it is the only way I could write and carry on a full fledged ministry and still keep my family as a priority. With books to be written and deadlines to be met and emails to be answered and radio shows for interviews and conferences to arrange, arising early gave me two to three more hours to my day. But this day, I didn't want to get up, feeling weary from the fray. I had thoughts wandering through my head like, "I don't think I can do this anymore. Why have I been driving myself for ministry? You know I love you, Lord. But for the moment, I can't think about everything and I don't want to face this day. I may never get out of bed!" Funny how Satan attacks our thoughts and uses discouragement against us female beings who live and love so much with our emotions.

Now, to give perspective, I was churning inside from the news of a friend's 6 year old daughter who had been sexually molested by a 15 year old cousin; a close family member of mine is struggling against deathly illness, another friend heavy with the care of a precious child who will have mysterious medical challenges forever, the medical issues of two of my own sweet children looming always; and all the other burdens of life. I thought about the time when Jesus was walking along and a woman who had been bleeding for years and she touched his garment and "the strength went out of him." That's how I was feeling--in the midst of my labor with sweet ones, "the strength had gone out of Sally."

Finally, after hours of staying in bed, (from 6 a.m. to 9--that is very late for me!), my feet mechanically moved to the floor. Joy's sweet voice yelled up to me from downstairs, "Don't you dare get up, Mom!" I slipped back in bed, arranged my pillows and waited. She breezed in chattering joyfully about the great morning she was having bearing a tray with a lovely napkin, a steaming hot cup of tea, a glass bowl with freshly cut up cherries, raspberries and blueberries and whip cream on the top, and a small lit candle.

Now, I might have expected this from Sarah, but I wasn't expecting it from Joy. In that moment, Joy became to me the arms of God as she said, "I think you need a nice hug." She squeezed me tight and planted a kiss on my cheek. Her love offering to me seemed to say, "I love you, Sally. I am aware of the ragings of your soul. Here is a sweet angel to soothe your spirit with kindness today," as though it were from God Himself. Joy's service to me became an act of an angel from God, an unexpected flash of light--a gift to strengthen me.

"I have been working for an hour, Mom. I cleaned up the whole downstairs and the kitchen. It looks so pretty. I figured if you were staying in bed that long, you must be in need of cheer. I love you! Now, enjoy yourself alone for a few minutes, I have a couple of more things to take care of!"

Five minutes later, some sweet friends called from Texas, who rarely ever call, and that even on a Sunday morning. "We just wanted to call and pray for you this morning. Is that ok?" Another angel from the Lord--as though He knew the timing, as though He wanted me to know He was still in the battle with me. After we prayed, I could sense my soul lifting.

The battle lines are familiar to me. I am what one might call an old warrior--familiar with the darkness, the battles raging, the issues at stake. I have learned to put one foot in front of another year after year, because my eyes are on what lies ahead--the reward of being with Jesus in His place that He is preparing for all of us who love Him. I have looked at Him and thought about Him and cherished His sacrificial life and His pattern has given me reason to keep going. But this day, this weary day, He broke into my moments, through two small acts of kindness to assure me of His presence. How thankful I am that two people responded to the promptings of my heavenly Father to pour out His gentle, quiet lovingkindess on my weary soul. Thank you, Joy, thank you, Macy's.