The Lord is still in His heavens, ruling over all

I love Thanksgiving! It is a time of family, resting, celebrating God's goodness, feasting and reflecting on all that HE has done faithfully in our lives. After gigantic cinnamon rolls, and lounging in our pj's, we will all take a few moments to make a list, personally, for all the things we are thankful for--then the Daddy will read whatever psalm or praise is on His heart and we will all spend time thanking and praising the Lord together.

Then comes the feasting. We have not had the privilege of having much family in our lives over the years, so we have spent some Thanksgivings alone. But, I am always so grateful when we can fill the house with friends, new and old, who also need a home for celebrating. This year, all of my children will be here except for Joel, who is being well fed at a friend's house in Maine! (Thanks for taking care of my son!) Added to our family, a sweet family with three young children, missionaries with WYAM will join us, a man from church who has no family in town, and Nate's friend and parents who will also be alone this year. So, I will have 14 at my table and we are truly going to celebrate and have a grand day together.

On our menu will be, turkey, of course, apple, pecan, cranberry pecan bread dressing, celery, onion, cornbread sage dressing, sweet potato casserole,  a congealed cranberry salad, fresh cranberry sauce, yellow squash and onion casserole, peas, green beans, lots of potatoes, and gravy, 4 dozen of my homemade rolls (great for leftover sandwiches), pumpkin chiffon pie, upside down gingerbread apple caramel cake, pumpkin cheesecake, pecan pie, and all with whip cream and ice cream to choose. And we always have a variety of sparkling juices. I think I will go do my 2 mile exercise video and sit ups to prepare for the time--or I might just take it as a day of rest.

(if you want a distracting activity for your children and you don't use the neck or giblets, put them outside a window and the birds will make a feast of it and give a show all at the same time!)

In the old testament, feasts and celebration was commanded by God--he is a celebrating Father. May You all have a wonderful day with your precious ones. And may He bless Holy is the Lord. Of all my blessings, I am most grateful for my precious family and friends. I love you who God has brought into my life to be a visual picture of His hands, heart and love for me. May He bless you today in His abundant grace.

Sing for joy in the Lord, oh you righteous ones;

Praise is becoming to the upright. For the word of the Lord is upright,

And all His work is done in faithfulness.

Psalm 33: 1, 4

The past few mornings, I have awakened early in the wee hours of the morning. I get really sleepy about 9 or 10 and can't hold my eyes open, but sometime during the 3 o'clock hour, I awaken and have difficulty going back to sleep. I have learned not to panic about lack of sleep over the years, having had 3 asthmatics and lots of other non-sleeping issues in our home. Usually I just look at this time as a time to pray or write or read my Bible and other spiritual books.

Myriads of details are on my plate right now--Nathan needing a job in California; Joel's scholarship issues; Sarah's book and possible pending move; Joy's schooling and final years with me; ministry conferences and all that is there; book proposals; 14 people for lunch today; supporting Clay in his work and multitudinous responsibilities and pressures;Christmas, Bible studies and celebrations and book parties in my home; sad circumstances of friends; the future; etc. etc.

And yet, God is above and over all of these things. His work is done in faithfulness. God is good and He is good to me. And He will always be good. As I turned my heart to praise Him this morning in the dark hours of the early morning, my heart was deeply touched and so deeply grateful for His sustaining and loving presence.

Verse after verse flooded my heart. He deserves all of our worship and thanksgiving. He is working in and through all of us in this moment in history. He is bringing us closer to the time when He will cast satan away and rule as our righteous judge forever. He is preparing a place for us. He has promised never to leave us. He works all things together for His good to those who are called to Him.He loves us with an everlasting love. He hears our prayers and He even prays for us. He is with us, always, everywhere.

There are no details of my life that He is not over and in which He cannot help. Mine isn't to figure out all of the answers to my families' needs. Mine is to rest in Him; to adore Him as a child who cuddles against its mother. To sing to Him the songs and peace of my heart because I am in worthy hands.

As I ponder so many of these truths, I see His wonderful faithfulness through all the other busy years, so that I can say with David, "I have been young and I have been old and I have never seen the righteous forsaken, or their seed begging for bread." Even when I didn't know how things would turn out, He was at work, in faithfulness and love.

May we all bring a smile to God's face today, because of the appreciation in our hearts and on our lips and in our deeds for His faithfulness, righteousness, generosity and love. May God be praised in our land today and in our homes.

I pray you have the happiest of Thanksgivings.

Oh, no! I am going crazy! Arrrgggghhhhh

My sweet daughters read my post today about Sarah's book and said, "Mom, why did you put up a quotation from Margaret Sanger, the Planned Parenthood founder?" My reply was, "I put up a quote from Margaret Sangster, one of my favorite Victorian writers and the quote was about embracing your children."

"Mom, the quote was about using birth control and only have children when you want them."

Arrrrggggghhhhhhh! It was afterall, 4:30 in the morning when I wrote this. 

Well, if I could rewrite the day, I would have written it without such a blonde moment in it. Please, all of you precious friends out there, know that I believe with all of my heart that all children are a blessing. I can just imagine the emails I will be getting and the gossip that will ensue about my support of planned parenthood!

Then, when I was writing back the sweet mom who brought this to my attention, I accidentally pushed the delete button on my computer instead of the copy--so I don't think I will be using Joy's computer anymore today! I will get mine back tomorrow and hope for a better start!

You never know what a day will hold or what new mistakes you can make--thanks for grace! Onward to the rest of the day, hopefully with no new mistakes. Love to all!

Read for the Heart...a work of generations

Children and mothers never truly part -Bound in the beating of each other's heart. -- Charlotte Gray(Yipes! New quote! I had a confused moment and thought I was posting a quote by Margaret Sangster who was quite the champion of hearth and home and an altogether different woman from Margaret Sanger.)

I find that my age comes with great blessing. For many years, I have labored, prayed, invested, cried, laughed  with Clay as we sought to build our children into godly young adults. I hoped that in my home, I would be raising, for Christ's sake, a generation of children who would become adults who would carry on His purposes in a new generation. I find it deeply heartening that, in spite of our inexperience, the Holy Spirit was using our acts of faith and diligence to stir up in our children a heart for Him, a heart for home and a heart for His kingdom. 

This week marks another milestone for our family as Sarah, my 25 year old daughter, officially carries the torch into her own arena for an area our family has valued for many years--the importance of soul formation through reading great literature, developing deep thoughts and a great moral soul, by exposing children to the best thinkers, authors and leaders and biographies of great people who have left a legacy of righteousness, goodness and truth on the world.

Sarah, herself, is a reflection of this philosophy, as her mind and soul have fed on excellence and true thoughts from the time she was a wee toddler. But even more, I believe that God created her with an incredible capacity to think clearly, discern wisdom and craft words into life-changing messages. She is truly one of the most intelligent people I know. She is a gifted writer and artist with words and has a deep understanding of important issues in our day. Having read literally thousands of books, Sarah became a sort of authority on Children's literature. When our friends, the Carmans, of Apologia, heard Sarah speak on literature a few years ago, they immediately approached her about writing a book for them, because they felt it was so important. So, now, here is the product!

Sarah Clarkson's newest book

This book, all 370 pages of it (!), will inspire, guide, convict and provide hours of inspiration and encouragement to anyone who has an interest or heart for the issues of education formation for families. And for this large book, the price is only $17 at this time! What a deal!  She has provided an overview of the development of children's literature, the damage and ill effects of media on a child's brain and a plan for helping develop children into life-long readers and learners, and much more. There are over 1500 recommendations of books. It will be available December 6, so it would be a great Christmas present for anyone interested in the education of their children.

You can find out more about this book at her blog, here. 

You can order the book, here

We are having lots of fun and celebrating the harvest of her diligent work. 

On Saturday, December 12, here in Monument, I will be hosting two sittings of a book party for Sarah, where she will be speaking on her book, doing Christmas readings from some of her favorite stories, and all who attend will receive a card with a book quotation, sticky toffee pudding and wassail and some fun surprises. If you live in Colorado and would like to come, please send a request to Sarah at her email.

It will be $5 per person, as we hoping to help Sarah be able to do a book tour throughout the US and do speaking and readings for others in the months ahead. This will help her to be able to move ahead on this and her projects to help train more families. We can only hold so many in our home, so please make your reservation soon. The times will be 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. We look so forward to seeing many of you here. 

We are looking so forward to seeing many of you at these celebrations at our home and also at the mom's conferences where Sarah will be speaking and signing her book. So if you can't come now, be sure to see her and hear her speak at one of the mom's conferences coming up. We are so excited about all that is shaping up for some wonderful times of encouragement and inspiration in the months ahead. For more information about the conferences where she will be speaking, you can go here

Happy reading!  

 

When God taught me a lesson...........

Joel's photograph of a beautiful cloudy sunset

Years ago, Clay and I had decided that when our children moved toward their middle teen years, we would try to find summer training, seminars, activities that would build their skills and vision in the areas of their interest. He took the boys to music and song writing festivals and camps because of both of their interest in music and song writing, Nathan to an international symposium on Christian performers, clowns, magicians when he used to perform magic shows for birthday parties and shared the gospel and juggled (even fire!). We included Christian gatherings on world view and all sorts of other interests. The girls accompanied me to many mission regions, to seminars and tea parties to celebrate life together. We would take turns traveling so as to keep everyone else at home stable.
One such trip a few years ago, I was with one of my older children for 8 days at an international competition far from home. It was at a very busy time of my life with pressures, deadlines and conferences looming in the distance. But, since we had made it a commitment many years before, Clay and I decided that even though it would be an expensive week, it would be a good investment in our child's future.
So, throughout the week, I helped this child with all of the competitions. I spent hours in the office depot shop working on pictures and resumes and presentation materials for this child. I washed clothes in the wee hours of the night, and stayed awake as hotel dryers take so much longer. I prayed with the child, encouraged, left notes on the pillow at night and in every way tried to support in this national massive competition.
By God's grace, this child (who will remain anonymous), made it into the finals where no parents were allowed to attend the final session. So I sat in my lonely hotel room, had no friends there, and waited the three hours to see what the outcome would be, all the while cleaning up the room, repacking all the paraphernalia, clothes slung on the ground in a hurry in between competitions, and food scraps stuffed down on the run. I was on pins and needles, waiting, waiting to hear the results-- as this particular child was in great need of encouragement at this season of life and I had been sort of begging God for his blessings as though He needed me to tell Him what to do.
Finally, I got a text on my phone that said, "I am out now and going to hang out with some of the friends I have made. Later."
Then when I texted back and called back, no answer!
No mention of the results of the competition, no comment on the outcome, or any sense that I was waiting to talk to this child. I was steaming mad. I started rehearsing all of the ways I had sacrificially served this child. Giving up my time and my sleep and a couple of thousand dollars to fly, stay in the hotel, prepare for the training, loving, encouraging, feeding, helping, praying. 
As I sat in the hotel room with tears in my eyes, I planned a scathing speech I was going to make and my indignance at the lack of gratefulness in this child spilled over in prolific words. I would make this child feel all that I had done to sacrifice for this week. I would exact payment for the lack of consideration.
As I sat thinking about all of this and began to pray, suddenly it was as though the Lord spoke very clearly to my heart. 
"Well, that's what you do to me all the time. You just take me for granted. Every day, I paint the sky with colors at sunrises and sunsets, I have sprinkled the highways and gardens with flowers and colors of changing leaves and dot the landscape with pure white snow. You rarely even notice. I have protected your family all these years in your travel, I provide friends and encouragements all along the way. I speak to your heart. I have redeemed you at great cost. I died for you and live in you and encourage you. I have thoughts and plans and pleasures to give to you each day--of how to bless you and help you and lead you, I work in your children's lives and in your ministry--but often, you just go your busy way and don't even see all the ways I am with you. As a Father of children, I, too, am driven to provide and to bless, but most of the time, you are busy with your own agenda and don't even see Me in the most intimate details of your life. I am more likely to hear a complaint or request than thanks. But, my love will not fail--I will always love you. This child of yours is just immature--just like you."
And then I thought of the 10 blind men that were healed--all grateful, with a new life before them, untold pleasure to see the faces of their loved ones, to be able to walk alone, cook their own food, watch a sunset. And yet, only one came back to thank Jesus. Only one turned his heart into the compassionate face of His creator and healer to appreciate the miracle performed quietly, humble out of a heart of love.
Shame washed over my mind and heart. How guilty I was. How ungrateful, inconsiderate I had been of the Most High--and yet still He was faithful to me, and to my child.
Please, Lord Jesus, please forgive my negligence; I am so undeserving. Open my eyes to see, let my mouth and my heart deeply admire and appreciate your fingerprints on my life. Help me to be the one who remembers to thank you. I am so deeply grateful, I am so sorry, I am so humbled. I am so glad you are a God of grace, please restore me into the fellowship of your love......
And so my humbled heart did not spew out anger, but grace, to my oblivious child. But, in the patience of parent love, now learned anew from my own Father,  I extended grace and celebrated in the great results of the judges. One more moment saved by grace.

Thanksgiving--an epic tale!

The First Thanksgiving--BrownscombeI love sweeping, captivating tales of real men and women of courage who believed they were present in this world for God's glory, who took risks to worship Him, lived courageously and held fast against great odds to the goodness and promises of God--even in times of trial.

Plymouth was the place of such a tale. A small, dwindling group, of seemingly frail people, invisible to the world at large, taking time to worship and thank their creator God for His lovingkindness and mercy and provision. And yet they were not invisible to God. Their tale has lived on to inspire many thousands to live a life of faith. This is what I would call a intentional, purposeful heart devoted to joy, celebrating the reality of God and obedience to worship and praise Him. Another picture of God taking the small, faithful and turning it into an eternal work.

We are in a different sort of time, but trying to believers nonetheless. Erosion of Biblical morality, economic pressures, the break-up of marriages, materialism, godless values, and yet, here we are, blessed to know Him, to know our future is secure with Him for all eternity, where we will celebrate the great feast of all times, when we are with Him face to face.

It is a time for us to celebrate our own feast to His reality this Thanksgiving, as an act of faith for His reality, power, provision and blessing in our own time. This is a time when He can still use the acts of  faithful people to turn the world upside down.

I love having the opportunity to celebrate this great story with our family. The story of Squanto is amazing. To see how God used one man, took him all the way to Europe as a slave to learn English, to be led to the Lord by monks, so that he could return to America in order to help save the Pilgrims so that he could show them how to live in this new world. (The Disney movie about Squanto is actually very beautiful.)

Even the story of the Pilgrims themselves--the idea that man had the right to worship God and hold fast to his beliefs and to do whatever necessary to provide this for their children is a model of what we should follow--to fight for the ability to worship God, to pass on our faith to our children, to make this a supreme priority--what a great story to pattern our lives after. So, be sure, this Thanksgiving, to not forget the real reason of this holiday. To notice the fingerprints of God in history, to notice His fingerprints of grace and blessing in our own lives. To dream with our children how we might leave a legacy of faith, bringing His kingdom to bear in our own generation. And to celebrate His goodness to us this year by taking the time to praise and worship Him together. How blessed we are to have such a heritage.

Some favorite Thankgiving books:

A Thanksgiving game to play online, here
Some great recipes,
Some favorite children's books:
If  You Sailed the Mayflower by: Ann McGovern
Three Young Pilgrims by Cheryl Harness (love all of her books)
Squanto and the Miracle of Thanksgiving by Eric Metaxas
Landmark Plymouth Plantation
So many more in my library--but these are a few. 
Finally, a great unit study for your children, should you want to use it as a guide
Happy week before Thanksgiving!

Busy Days--Pride and Prejudice--easy meal!

Sweet Joy in Pride and Prejudice!
Joy, hurrying out of the shower and hurrying to eat!
Joy has been a natural actress since she was born. At 4 days old, she was baby Jesus in the play called "The Promise" in an open air ampi-theatre production that we participated in for 6 months of the year for three years when she was first born. She is fearless and has never faced a crowd too big. It is really fun to watch her grow in her skills as a singer and speaker and actress. 
The last few weeks, though, she has been involved in a production of Pride and Prejudice--two full weeks of performances every day, except Sundays and two on Saturdays. Today is the last day and I think we will all sleep well tonight. This particular production was special for her as she was able to give direct the choreography of three scenes. Drama is a great venue for having a community of friends together in something productive and so all of our children have really enjoyed it over the years. But, the past couple of weeks have meant always being in a hurry in the evenings to get there on time. 
This is one of our hurry meals and it has endless possibilities for adding items you like.
Quiche a la Clarkson
a pie crust--I like a whole wheat, oil pie crust, but any will do!
6 eggs
1 onion, chopped and sauteed lightly in 1-2 table spoons of olive oil
2 1/2 cups milk
6 slices bacon, cooked or 1/2 cup of chopped ham
3 cups Swiss cheese
1 heaping tablespoon flour
salt and pepper as desired--just a bit
Sautee the onions; and fry the bacon. Cook the pie crust for 8 minutes in a pre-heated 350 oven. Then turn the heat up to 400 degrees.
I whip my eggs by themselves in my bosch mixer for about 3 minutes until very fluffy. Add the milk slowly to the egg mixture and sprinkle the flour lightly on top while the egg mixture is still mixing. Add salt and pepper to the mixture while still whipping to taste. Pour the mixture into your pie crust. Sprinkle in the cheese, then the onions and then the bacon. Sprinkle herbs lightly on top of the surface of the filling for a little color--but not too much so as to be overpowering. 
Cook at 400 degrees for about 30-35 minutes until it is firm. Let stand for 10 minutes (It will fall back to normal height.)
Enjoy.
******I cook this in an oversized pie pan, so for a normal pie dish, reduce the eggs to 3 or 4, the milk to 1 1/2 cups and the cheese to 1 and 1/2 cups.

Practicing pursuing love--bringing life to relationships

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful; and let us consider how to stimulate one another with love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more, as you see the day drawing near." Hebrews 10: 23-25

My Tuesday night Bible study in my home.

I remember many years ago hearing a talk from a prominent speaker who said, "I will do anything to put myself in the company of people who make me want to love God more, to be more excellent, to set a standard of excellence in my life--to live up to my potential as a believer. But I will also do whatever I can to avoid those who are drainers--those who steal my joy, who keep me from wanting to grow in my faith, who complain and criticize other people, who tempt me to discouragement." 

I realized that this was, for me, a wise principle, in that, there are not many people whose lives really encourage me to press on, to walk in the presence of the Lord, to love graciously and unconditionally and to believe God with all my heart. But there were certain people, that when I was with them, I felt more filled up--more ready to face life again, to finish well, to trust God.

My friend, Lynn, is one of my ministry friends. I have said that if you want the best kind of friend, find someone you can do ministry with--someone who loves God and wants to make a difference in the world--and in the midst of working together, praying, serving people, you both grow together in memory making, faith, accountability and the strings of your heart are knit together by the Holy Spirit as you invest together in Kingdom work.

My sweet friend, Lynn Custer, who for 12 years, has flown all over the  US to help at our conferences, at her own expense, just to help moms and to encourage them to stay faithful. We met when our oldest children, now 25 and 26, were 7 and 9. So we have lived together through toddlers, pre-schoolers, elementary age, teens, college and beyond --and still trying to figure it out together. We shared secrets, tears, laughs, prayer and encouragement.)

I do have many wonderful people in my life, but there are a handful who are close to me, who really pursue me--to take the initiative to engage in my heart's issues and who also take initiative to share with me what they have been learning and who pray with me or to send me an email one more time to tell me they love me or appreciate what I have written. These are investors in my life.  In other words, they do not just live, love and accept  me, but they invest in  my lifes each time we are together--they pursue me and build me up, without me have to ask. 

It is not an equal relationship--a tit for tat sort of thing, Instead it is one in which we commit to being friends for life--whatever the season holds. Often, my sweet friends give far more to me than I do to them because I have such a crazy life, but they choose to understand my limitations--and I make a concerted effort to invest in these friends, too, --to build up, to give life, to bring the fragrance of Christ to the moment that might fit their need..

Choosing to pursue is an act of obedience. Taking responsibility to encourage and to give life-giving words and to redeem is one of the best reflections of the reality of Christ in our lives--God was always initiating--creating a garden where the life of Adam and Eve could thrive and be blessed; providing clothes after they had sinned, giving them a history of a people beloved by God, providing manna and quail, giving words of encouragement, giving fish and loaves when noticing personal needs, promises of hope, pursued by Him and ultimately the final sacrifice--becoming, humbly, a man to serve and love and prepare meals and wash feet and redeem. 

And so because we have felt the healing grace of His touch, deeply in the hidden places, and been transformed by His heart, we in turn, after knowing , we pursue those He would touch through us.

Initiative--that aspect that says, "I will pursue you--I will care for you--I will encourage you." When we pursue our children, our husband, our friends and those needy in our lives, we may be preserving them from giving up, from despair, from condemnation--we may help them to change their destiny--to give them the courage to hold fast their hope--to end well--to wait long enough for God to show His grace.

It is why I pursue my children--to have one on one dates, alone with them, with the intention of giving them words of life--emails--"I am praying for you today. I am so proud of you. I believe in you. You make me smile." Leaving notes on their bed. Telling them "thank you" for who they are--just as God made them--bringing a surprise flower or chocolate or cup of tea. 

It is why I call my husband most days after lunch--not to bother him, but to let him know someone in the world is thinking of him and loves him and prays for him. It is why I travel all over the world, if necessary, to be with those special friends, who I have made a commitment to--to be devoted to--all of my life.

It is why I hold mom's meetings in my home; organize conferences for sweet moms sacrificing their lives, organize teas or lunches in my home, or meet for coffee. 

Most of the time, I cannot see that these beloved want me to pursue them, often it seems just the opposite--especially with hormonal teens and preteens. And even with disgruntled adults. But, if I could see the cries of their inner heart, "I am discouraged, frustrated, feel inadequate, insecure, angry, overwhelmed," I would know that a supernatural touch of unconditional love, words of life, hope held out before them, is just what they need--and we become the hands, words and messages from God to them.

Each of us has time and ability--but we must be stewards of this time and the capacity we have to bring love and encouragement and words of life to all God brings our way. In loving and pondering Christ, He becomes our model--while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us--he didn't wait until we were worthy, or asked him to die--he just initiated His love, because He knew that while we were separated from Him, we would be lost forever. 

Initiating love is the love in our hearts that compels us--pushes us to reach out. It is why some have such an impact in the world, they are compelled by love and generosity of spirit--but it comes from the author of it all--Jesus who compels and and brings resurrection life after the winters of seeming death.

And so, He sends us to initiate, to find those who need the love and life of Christ, before they even ask. We don't initiate because we feel like it--we may be weary, discouraged ourselves. But we do it out of obedience, because He did it--and it is His supernatural grace that drives us to give of ourselves to others. 

But in the end, we are the ones who are blessed--He encourages us--we see how wonderful He was by taking the initiative--we appreciate His unconditional love. We also are blessed in the midst with wonderful friendships and we are reminded how very grateful we are to have tasted of His initiating grace.

Sometimes, after all these years, I can from time to time become weary of traveling or leading groups as I feel a little of my age pressing in and I so enjoy the peace of stillness and beauty in staying home! Yet, when I step out one more time, I am almost always blessed and encouraged. This week, I was so very blessed by the moms who took the time to come to my home-in their fellowship, I was awed and greatly humbled and encouraged. The sincerity and depths of their hearts, the generosity of their prayers and encouragement of one to another--filled my own heart.

So, again, as I plan my days, I ponder, "Are there those who are longing for His touch of comfort, encouragement, grace that I have so abundantly received? One in whose life I may speak light?" 

There are voices in my head........

Almost each morning as I get out of bed and pad in my bare feet, down the stairs to my kitchen to get a cup of tea, I hear my father's voice, "Put on your slippers or you will catch a cold!" It was a sort of mantra of his. I am a barefoot sort of person, so I overcome the voice and heed my own wishes. 

There are other voices that come into my head that compete for attention. Another from my childhood was, "Blondes have to try harder in life to look pretty because they have no natural coloring and look faded out." Not exactly the voice that should have been feeding my decisions or my self-image.
There are voices in culture that cry out. "You deserve a break." "More clothes, beautiful homes, nice cars, house beautiful, will make you happy." "Experiences for your children are necessary for them to think you are good parents--a disney trip, more toys for Christmas, meals at fast food restaurants." "If you really want your child to get ahead, they have to have the right education--there is one best way--private school, homeschool, classical education, cram, push, expect, drive, pressure." "Finding the right sexual partner will make you happy."
The voices go on and on. Satan is called the Father of lies. His desire is to distract us--to pull us away from God, to disbelieve in His goodness, to deny Him, to be busy so that we don't even have time to hear the truth.
I often us a celtic prayer book in the sleepy mornings to guide me into my day with some scripture. The other day, I read a little poem about John.
"The is John the beloved, who followed Jesus as the way,
embraced the truth and shared his life,
And at the supper of the Lord, leaned closer to Him to hear His words,
For those who lean on Jesus' breast hear the heart of God."
These words stuck in my mind--I want the voice I hear to be that of Jesus--I want to hear the heart of God.
So this week, I went back to John to see what words were flying around in John's head, what voice was informing his heart.
"I am the bread of life." 6:48
"If any man is thirsty, let him come to me and drink."
"I have loved you with an everlasting love,"
"I am the light of the world.I have come as a light into the world, that everyone who believes me may not remain in darkness."
"If the son shall make you free, you shall be free indeed."
"I am the good shepherd; the good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep."
"Let not your heart be troubled, believe in God, believe also in me."
"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you, not as the world gives to you. Let not your heart be troubled or let it be fearful." Jn. 14:27
"In the world you have tribulation, but take courage, I have overcome the world." 16:33
"My kingdom is not of this world."18:36
"Blessed are they who have not seen and yet believe."20:29
So, in leaning closer to hear his voice, I have heard the voice of love, peace, comfort and courage. Whose voice are you listening to?

Children are a blessing, the fruit of the womb is indeed a reward!

Gentle Joel

The other day, I recalled a time of desperation in which I was sitting in a smoky, Austrian coffee shop alone in a dark corner, pouring out my heart to the Lord. "Lord, I am so very grateful for my sweet baby girl that you have given to me. But, Lord, I have not been able to get pregnant again, and I know that you are the only one who can open my womb and grant me my wish. Please, Lord, if it is your will, bless me with a little boy. I am already 34 (like the Lord didn't know!) and I long to have another baby in my arms."

And so, it two months later, I was fully into morning sickness and affirmed in the realization that God was certainly working in my life. Joel was to be my Austrian baby--born in Vienna, the land of music and art and beauty--and so his soul matches this wonderful city. As I was laying in bed at 38 weeks, my water burst at 11:15 p.m. Since Sarah had taken 19 1/2 hours in being birthed, I did not want to go too early to the hospital, and so got up to take a shower and wash my hair--(didn't know what my Austrian room would hold!) and yet, could barely stand up for the pain of my contractions. So, we called my doctor and hurried down the street to the hospital (5 minutes away) and barely checked into my room when Joel popped his head out--barely an hour since my first contraction--and my friend Gwennie just popped her head into the room to say she was there to encourage us and saw Joel pop out into the mid-wife's hands--(It is a law in Austria that midwives must deliver babies--even when the doctor is standing there for medical reasons.)

So, I treasured Joel as an answered prayer and treated him gently, with hands of love, words of life, singing lullabies of beauty and caresses and giggles enjoying the gift of life that had been granted me. And so he continues to become the blessing of God's hand. He was a snuggler, lego man, always humming, very bright and creative, drew thousands of cars and especially jeeps, designed house plans, played guitar, loved computer, peace maker and was the one when we had had a confrontation in our home--heated arguments with children or stressful moments of life--would always come in to say, "Hey, mom. Can I do something for you?" Or "Don't worry, mom, it will all be ok."

Fast forward, through the several year journey of many ups and downs of moving from childhood into the world of expensive adulthood--cars, computers, college, jobs, etc. to the time, when, by God's gracious miracle, Joel got accepted into Berklee college of music. Yet, even amidst the pathway, God was building my youthful son into a man--it was each decision to trust, to work at unfulfilling jobs, to be faithful when no one was watching, where his character was being forged.

So, you can imagine my deep pleasure (and Clay's!)  to be able finally to visit him there, in Boston, a couple of weeks ago. Seeing Joel in his brownstone house, downtown Boston, was such a pleasure. How could I have known those 23 years ago, that my grown son. (6'5") would be foraying around this mega city, flourishing and conquering and ruling over the days of his time to become a stellar young man--one who easily makes friends, (he is living in an international home as one of three Americans with house mates from all over the world--the purpose of the house is to reach international students for Christ while they are studying in Boston.)

Joel had so much to overcome in this musical arena, as our lives had not prepared him to know music from a classically trained point of view--yet here he was with a good grade point, working 15 hours a week in the administration office, providing music for his church on Sundays and managing in the streets of Boston and making close friendships with those in his life. And in the midst creating new, breathtaking music. 

Now, Joel was leading Clay and me and providing for us in "his" city.  He provided a great little cafe,  for us while we waited for him to get out of class, he led us through great directions on busy city streets, through the challenging traffic of Boston. He included a great tour of his university, fun tour of Boston, sharing dreams, secrets and ideas and discussions and celebrated one of the best cappucinos I have ever had with one of his friends. A treasured memory of true heart-felt fellowship.

All of this, I could not have imagined, when as a faithful young mommy, I read stories, trained in washing dishes while playing lively music loudly to keep us going and doing mundane chores, corrected attitudes, celebrated life, whispered the secrets of God as He taught me,  had late night discussions, believed in dreams--and to see all that God had in mind--in order to bless me, fulfill me in allowing me to be a part of the soul work of this wonderful young man. 

Joel, you almost always bring a smile to my face when I just think of you. You are my dear and cherished friend. Thanks for making an unforgettable memory for Dad and me to revisit when we miss you! May the symphonies and songs you write be filled with the greatness and skill of the wonderful soul God has given to you and may you bring light and beauty to people through your music for many years to come. We love you and miss you today!

Happy 23'd birthday this month! (November 19) 
His musichere
His email here