God will show His faithfulness in my life and in my children's lives, not by my works, but by His faithfulness, His generosity, His grace and my heart to trust in Him to be who He really is to me and to them. It is all His grace and initiation to promise to provide. I will never do it all, get it all right, or complete every task. He is working beyond my abilities and strength. It is His strength and His work that will complete the tasks of my life--my work in marriage, in my children, in my ministry--all become possible because of His work in through and beyond me. Rest In Him and in His strength and find peace.
Community, friendship and belonging--so needed, such a balm
“You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.” Winnie the Pooh
My sweet group taking the last 24 hours away at a prominent hotel in a suite of rooms just to make time to treasure the friendship God has given to us and to keep the fires of our close relationship to each other burning. (Sweet Micala, we missed you and prayed for you!)
Arranging babysitting and rides for our children to all of their activities was quite a feat, but here is the rest of the story........
God created us to be his friends, as Moses was. He was walking in the garden to share fellowship with Adam and Eve. He communicates over and over in scripture that He mostly desires our love and our time. God created marriage because it wasn't good for Adam to be alone. He gave Adam and Eve children as a model for families--that children would give purpose and meaning and relationship to a man and women in the blessing of them becoming a family. Jesus chose 12 disciples to be with him, for community, for living, teaching, training and preparing to take over reaching the world. He wanted/needed/chose friends through whom He would work in the world, though He could have gotten the message of his love and redemption out in any way He chose. He chose 12 committed men who would become friends and comrades in kingdom work.
And so it is that we have been created for relationship, friendship, belonging to a group bigger than ourselves. It is a part of our being, our design, what we were made to enjoy.
And yet in an isolationist world, we find ourselves, I think, by Satan's design, lonely, not knowing our neighbors, feeling unknown in our mega churches, far away from family, and very different in values, faith, age and interest from most of our neighbors. If Satan can get us alone and unaccountable, then we fall prey to depression, feelings of being unloved, sensing a hole in our heart from not feeling we "belong" to a group, often feeling that we don't really have any friends who care.
What a recipe for destruction of morals, values, faith, inspiration and strength. Scripture is very clear about the results of those who are alone.
"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:
If one falls down, his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
I can see that those times times when I felt heart-wrenching darkness overshadowing my soul and a deepening sense of isolation and feeling a longing for companionship and love, was when I felt I was alone and under the suffocating burdens, doubts and trials of life, without a friend to care. Having moved 17 times, 6 times internationally during my marriage, there were ever so many times when our family felt deeply alone. As a mom of young children, it was especially difficult to manage all the issues and care constantly for my children with never a break and often no kindred spirit with whom to share life. As a mom of teens, I also found the challenge of filling my home with families and kids so that my children felt that we somehow had community and people who cared personally for them.
A couple of years ago, a friend observed, "Sally, I think you need an Aaron and a Hur. You are being consumed--giving, giving all the time and never being refreshed or refueled yourself will eventually destroy your ideals and your vibrancy. You need to have a support system of friends who can be help shoulder your burdens, commiserate with you personally in your trials, share in the personal victories and memories of life.
I remember saying, "I don't even know how I would go about that. I have many friends all over the US, but I have moved so much, it is hard to start over again and push through to find close community."
Her words simmered in my mind. "Best" friends, "sister-friends" to share life has been a history since my childhood-to have that one who "gets" me and still likes to be with me, to share broken dreams and hurt feelings, insecurities and longings and to be understood and cared for, to share the graces of shopping, lunching, laughing and getting older together through experiences shared.
But the older I get, the more crowded my life and the harder plant and cultivate the seeds of close friendships. But God would not let her voice of admonition go away. Purposing to pray about it , a plan began to form.
Constantly surrounded by women all the time in groups and ministry and classes, but often feeling alone in the crowd seemed dissatisfying. I have been blessed to have many friends and I love and appreciate them all. But with having older children, in a relatively new town, that no one knows, and focussing on my home and ministry, which requires lots of travel, often means I don't have the luxury to give lots of time to those casual friends.
The Lord seemed to place on my heart to pray about and identify other women who seemed to be in my life in a more prominent way than all the rest. First, a couple of close friends who had been special to my life for several years. Then, those who had actually taken the initiative to ask me over for lunch or dinner (a rare occasion for me--usually I am the one who does the inviting!) and I looked for someone who had initiated to me personally. There were a couple of people who stayed after at my Bible study to help or who sent me an email and or encouraged me. I came up with a list of 9 women after praying.
Inviting them to dinner, I shared my heart to have a group of friends who could cultivate accountability, friendship and prayer for one another. For about a year, we met once a month for lunch at my house, a Christmas party, a potluck with our husbands and children. Within a few months, the lunches lasted longer and longer, we had dinners together, began to get closer. We prayed for one another. Had our husbands over for a big pot luck. Eventually, we grew into a living, with a purpose--besides just having fun, we began to work in ministry together. These precious ones served at my conferences, made all the meals and organized our leadership intensive at my home.
Goodies, gabbing, gobbling and guffaws.
Now, we consider ourselves the closest of friends, and feel so deeply blessed to share life. From 30's to two who are 57, small children to older children away from home, city girls and farm girls--we share in all of life, though not often--a committed time each month, a commitment to work at conferences together, to pray, study the word, share new restaurant finds, to "be there for one another."
The flower girl--flower shirt, flower background, flower carpet!
Pals
Beautiful friends---thank you, Lord, for letting me be loved and for letting me belong.
A bag of tricks
I was sitting behind a young mom at church the other day who was holding a large 2 1/2 year old in her lap for an hour and a half. The little girl in her lap seemed sweet natured but wiggly, giggly, active and talkative--in a normal tone of voice. I admired the mom holding her, but know that she was worn out after the service.
When my children were various ages, we often found ourselves in places--not just church, where they needed to be quiet or sit still--in the car when I was talking to friends, at doctor's offices and church and concerts and restaurants. I found that if I prepared them ahead of time and told them what to expect and how long it would take it helped them immensely to be able to be quieter.
I wanted them to learn that church was a holy place--where out of honor to God, we would use a quiet voice, very gentle actions and that they were such "big" girls and "boys" for being able to sit still to show God honor. Training, training, training all the time before they were in a place where I had expectations of them.
I also traveled with a bag of tricks, to so speak, that was never used for any other occasion. Depending on the age of the child, there would be a boxed juice and little container of cheerios or gold fish or small fruit leather--only to be used at the later part of their patience. Colored pencils when they were older, puzzle books, I spy books, finger toys for babies, as well as soft blankies to comfort. Joel was my car man and he loved, loved drawing and or just holding toy cars. He drew a million jeeps in his growing up years. I had a sketch pad for each one. All were quiet toys to be used when they needed to be quiet or sit still. The food and drink were only used in appropriate places and appropriate times. But I always kept this bag loaded in the car and looked at the dollar store for new stickers or little quiet things to add so there would always be something new.
At Christmas, Clay once ordered each of the kids a Land's end travel bag with their name on it--in different colors for each child. The he spent a couple of months filling each bag with paper airplane books, books on tape with a small cd player, challenges, mysteries, little toys, coloring books and quiz books and all sorts of treasures.
We kept each child's brief case in the car and it gave them hours and hours of pleasure over the years when we were on trips and when they were waiting on us. We never used dvds in the car as we didn't want media to become a habit when there were so many creative things to do. When the family culture is to listen to long books on tape in the car, all learn to improve their listening skills and it feeds their brains with great literature and exciting stories. You can accomplish a lot when you keep books on tape or other creative entertainment for the cd player. Teaching children to listen is all a part of shaping their appetites. If they are used to too much tv or movie entertainment, they will complain when they have to listen to a book or draw or stare out the window and imagine life. It is the moms and dads who build the habits for their children. All kids can learn to give up media if they are provided alternatives and if you hold to your decision. Never in the history of mankind did children have movies in the car till now.
I do not want to create guilt for anyone. We are all free to make the best decisions for our family. ( a strategic Winnie the Pooh saved us through many ear infections at home), In the car, there are so many things to see that offer food for thought and creativity and it is a great place to disciple your children with great conversation and great music. Especially during the junior high and high school ages. We reserve the right to say all ipods off when we want to talk or listen to something as a family. Because it is an expectation, our kids never questioned it.
It also taught our children that there were places to be quiet and to sit still and exercise self-control. We had lots of fun and to this day, they all travel with fun stuff to use on long trips and places where they will have to wait. (on the plane or a long car trip, my older children all download books on tape on their ipods, bring books, journals to write in and snacks.) Fun to see the habit stuck in their own adult lives.
Touch and back scratching can soothe a child that is ready to blow. My mom also taught me a trick when I was a little girl--she would take one of my hands and pull slowly on each finger until she had covered all ten and then she might do it again if needed.
The happiest children are those who are kept engaged by planning on the part of the parent and it trains children to learn to entertain themselves and to listen.
Becoming a Generous Provider and reflecting His very nature to our children
Spinach, mushroom, swiss cheese quiche; Whole Wheat Rolls, Whole Wheat Oatmeal Bread and Twisted Oatmeal Bread with Cinnamon Sugar filling; Pumpkin Cranberry Walnut Bread--yummm! A physical provision for delight and health and meal time celebration.
The Clarkson family is very distinct in our family culture. We have spent so many hours in each other's company, that people have actually been able to tell that one of us is a "Clarkson" just by spending time with us when we are miles away from each other and meet someone in a grocery store.
We tend to have a similar vocabulary and world view of life. We have the same general manner of relating to people because we have spent hours and hours training our children in relationship to other people. And, not surprising, our messages are similar, we like the same books and movies and tea and pizza and and and. You see, we have become like the people we loved and invested the most time with over the years.
As I have pondered this, it is similar in relationship to God. I have realized that the more time I spend in the presence of God, the more I will take on His voice, demeanor, His words, His likeness. What I sow I will reap. But as I have been sharing this message in the past few months, many have said, "I really want to love God and be like Him, but I don't know exactly what that means or really how to do it."
Knowing God is of the greatest spiritual value--to Him.
Jeremiah 9:23-24: "Let not a wise man boast of his wisdom, let not a mighty man boast of His might, let not a rich man boast of His riches, but let him who boasts, boast of this: that I am the God who exercises lovingkindness and righteousness on the earth."
Our God is relational and wants us to be the closest of companions to Him--to make many memories with Him, to know all about His story, to understand just who He is and what He is like. But so many have been come to understand God through laws, fear, performance and works, that the personal-ness of Him is lost.
Consequently, one of the new books I am writing is about God's roles in scripture, to seek to make Him more real to me and others as they see Him in relationship to us. When we observe what God is like, it gives us a picture of His heart. I am gleaning so much out of this study as I work on it a wee bit every day. With personal knowledge of God, comes a legacy of faith and strong foundations. We become so familiar with His faithfulness, it gives us a firm basis on which to stand in the future course of our lives.
Now, let me divert just a little. It is God's will that we reflect Him to our children--but we cannot reflect what we do not know. However, if we seek Him, seeking will provide knowledge, familiarity, history, love and worship. Then the showing of Him to our children comes from a life of being with Him, as my children were with Clay and me and reflect us. They are really the book of our lives that people are reading.
If we are filled with the Holy Spirit and He resides in us, it has been on my mind that, if we yield to Him in the moments of our days, then our children, husband and friends will actually feel they have been in the presence of God when they have spent time with us, because we are residing in His presence moment by moment. When we walk with Him and yield our attitudes, our words, our actions, our service, then we will actually be the hands, voice and message of God, incarnate in us. What an amazing thought.
However, I do allow for it to be a process. As we mature and obey the Lord each day--when we respond to His nudging; when we pray about and apply a scripture that convicts us, each day, we are being conformed to the likeness of Christ and those in our arena will experience this more as we mature more.
So, the first role of God I have tackled, is God as a Provider.
PROVIDE means: to make available, to furnish; to supply or equip; to prepare of procure beforehand
Studying this aspect has really opened my eyes to Him in new ways. God created us to have needs so that he could provide for those needs. God made us to need food, rest, protection, purpose, love. He also gave us a body that could grow strong through exercise. A mind that would grow intelligent through use. Gifts and strengths that can only be present when used and trained.
And, God wanted us to look to Him to provide those needs. Even as I take joy in planning for my children to feel loved on their birthday and focus our traditions on building the birthday child up, I receive great pleasure when the child is blessed and responds to my preparations. So, God delights in us coming to Him and in having us see His provision and respond.
He even has provided us things just to delight us--color--the reds, golds, of fall leaves; the dark steel blue of an ocean; the bright gold of an iris, the dark green or blue or amber of eyes. He provided Adam and Eve with food--plants, fruit, vegetables, seeds, meat, fish, poultry, seasonings, all sorts of tastes. He provided them with a garden of grand design to live in. He provided them with clothing after they fell away from Him. The pillar of fire and clouds and manna. Jesus provided the crowds with fish and loaves because they were hungry. He is going to prepare a place for us--a mansion, a home in heaven, for us to live in with Him in eternity.
To understand God, means we must recognize Him as a provider.
For our children to better understand God, they will learn how to recognize Him as a provider as we provide for them--as we provide a haven for a home; comfort during illness, food for feasting and celebrating life; music for dancing and singing. And so, these tasks we have in our homes are not meaningless, but filled with His very presence when we understand that in providing needs and desires, we are acting in the image of God, and our children will read of Him and understand.
In what ways can you be a provider for your family this week. How can you provide beauty or love or comfort in the next 24 hours?
If God wants to be a generous provider to His children, what might He want you to ask Him for--that He may show you His provision? May you know and have eyes to see His provision today--even in a sunset, the stars, a gentle touch.
How can we actually grow in this likeness, though, without spending time with Him, learning to know what He is really like.
PS I know that I should give out recipes and I will do a youtube on my bread making--I promise, someday--just too much to get to everything!
Dark mists, a violent storm, and a shadowy figure
Savrasov Pascher Monastery 1871
"He lives always to intercede for us." Hebrews 7:25
Sitting in our pj's and chatting for too long, left me with little time for a quiet time this morning. I felt a need to have just a moment of peace with the Lord, so I picked up my Celtic prayer book, knowing there would be scripture, a short encouragement that would at least put my soul in the presence of God, as I readied myself to hurry off to my activities for the day. Little did I know that those 5 minutes would comfort me all day, and meet me at my point of need at this very juncture in my life.
Seems two men sought wisdom from an educated, old monk who was reputed to be a man of great character and distinguished in his devotion to scripture. Arriving at the sea coast town, they left their ship and climbed the long hill to the monastery. Several days were invested in revealing spiritual conversations , ponderings about God's nature and presence, and the essence of true spirituality. With full souls, they bid farewell to the wizened old monk and walked toward the ship that would take them back home. With hearts overflowing, they gratefully planned how they would apply such wisdom in their daily lives in their home town.
Almost as soon as the giant ship left the small port, a raging storm gathered and lightening crashed about with thunder filling the air, and the ship swayed back and forth, the captain straining to keep it afloat amidst the crashing waves. In terror, the two men came aboard to access the danger. Peering through the dark, blowing mists, searching for the lights of home fires burning near the shore, they saw a shadowy figure emerge from the door of the monastery. Almost as soon as the figure appeared, they noticed it was the old monk, looking out upon the ship at sea, and that he fell to the soaking ground on knees and began, in a posture of prayer, calling out to God passionately.
After a very short interlude, the sea momentarily softened its rage and gave way to a semi-clear pathway so that the ship could secure a way to come back to the safety of the port. The monk, it seems had dedicated his heart and strength and devoted cries to God for the safety of those who had so recently been in his charge.
Somehow this story has been with me all day. It seems such a gracious picture of the sanctified old monk, not just being a person of the Word, but a man of His way--calling out before the throne of heave for those entrusted to his charge. This a picture to me, as I seek to be such a saint for my children and husband.
They, in the storms of their lives, are beyond my control, but not beyond the help and counsel of my Father and God. But as I witness these storms and see the seas of tempest surrounding them, I, too, have access to the throne of God. Perhaps, I will be their comfort to help them be brave as the shadowy figure was for the two men in the story. I battling on their behalf, that in their storms, they might feel the grace of God, find the strength of God to save them, and know the comfort of God's presence right where they are.
And then I read, in Hebrews. He, my Lord and savior, even as a priest before the throne of God, like the old monk, lives to make intercession for me, His child. So thankful for this picture today as I face my own storms of life. And so very strengthened to be the prayer warrior as one son faces the demons of Hollywood, the other the liberal philosophy in Boston, and my two girls--one learning to drive on the freeway, and the other making big decisions, need me to stay before the throne for them. God has access to their brains and consciences. He will whisper His truth and wisdom into their lives. Somehow, mysteriously, I can help them by battling in the heavenlies as their prayer warrior and devoted mother, even as the monk did for those beloved of his--even as Jesus is so willing to do for me.
Crafting a life plan with intentionality
Dennis Miller Bunker, Roadside Cottage, 1889
"The wise woman builds her house, the foolish one with her own hands tears it down." Proverbs 14: 1
When building a house, one can build a tiny cabin or a small apartment all the way up to a large estate. I have often said to women, the building of your home--your family, legacy, children, depends on how large your vision is. The greater the vision, the bigger the task and foundation laid, and the more prominent the house. We can build a legacy as big as a condo or as far reaching as an estate--it just depends on our vision of what God wants us to do and our dependence on Him to accomplish exceedingly above and beyond what we could ask or think.
Motherhood provides us with an opportunity to build in such a way as to influence generations--literally thousands--by the life we choose to live. But, building such a legacy comes with planning. An architect planning to build must prepare his blueprints. And so it is with women. Designing a blueprint for living will insure that I am better able to know what I am building; what the cost will be; what is needed; and how long it will take to build such a home.
My daughter was talking to me the other day and said, "Mom, I don't know if most women have given themselves totally to motherhood, understanding that it will take their all--their time, body, life, moments, rights--everything, to really build a godly legacy. It seems they think their children are "taking up their time" without really realizing that God gave them children in order to provide them with an eternal work to do--that it is their best way to influence eternity, that it is the most strategic work of their lives and will outlive them."
(It is so wonderful to be at this point where I can see that these Biblical ideals and messages have gone deep into the souls of my adult children who, I hope, will have the privilege to build a godly generation in their life times.--But even this is as a result of planning what messages I wanted them to understand and know and see in our home.)
But one more part of planning that is essential to our souls--that of stepping out in faith. God wants us to attempt God-sized lives--to trust Him to do far more through our lives and our children's lives than we could ever do on our own. We give Him our very best, our fish and loaves, but then we trust Him to do a miracle, to use us as He did David, to come to our lives in the name of the Lord of Hosts and to expect Him to work in and through us because of His greatness.
I love this quotation by Teddy Roosevelt:
"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits, who neither enjoy much, nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory or defeat."
And so in the spirit of living in and through Him and for Him, I begin to make my plan.
Sometimes I plan for 6 months or an overall yearly plan.
Today, I felt impressed because of seasonal movements in our lives (about to be finished with my last child in home education), to really say, "How does God want me to invest my life for His kingdom in the next season and years of my life? What is my stewardship? What is on His heart for me to do?
I begin by prayer, and today was a day when I was doing more of a long term planning. "Lord, in the power of your Holy Spirit, fill my mind with your thoughts, your plans, your work. What do you want me to dream and accomplish in the next 10 years during this season of life? What goals do you want me to make for:
My Marriage and family
My Children--individually and as a unit
My Local Ministry--Bible studies to teach; leaders to train, church involvement
What books do you want me to write? What projects do you want me to plan? What training do you want me to provide? What specific ways, in your Spirit's power, do you want me to leave a legacy of my life for all that you have taught me, messages you have given to me, and how can I train others with these messages so that they will live beyond me?
Reviewing my vision and writing out a vision and purpose statement often helps me to revisit my goals, ideals and practical application. Because I have been making plans for my life, as a result of building convictions about kingdom principles, for many years, I am familiar with where to go and what to plan. Clay and I have spent literally hundreds of hours in prayer and discussions over the years about how we want to be intentional about leaving a Biblical legacy and preserving righteous knowledge in our generation, so reviewing and seeking God in these areas is very familiar.
Now, my journal is full of ideas and I am excited about the possibilities ahead. Each season has its limitations and will require a different cost. But making a plan will mean that I will have direction and truth through which to monitor my decisions--the things I can commit to, the things that just do not fit.
I have come out with exciting plans, wonderful projects to captivate my imagination, and ideas of how to continue working in my family and with other women.
This planning is not a "telling God what I want to do." But more of a, "What is your priority for me, Lord? What work have you given me to do? How can I best promote and teach about your kingdom and what do I need to change in my life in order to align myself more with your plans for me?
Having a plan provides direction for every step that I will take--it gives me a direction to follow. These are the thoughts on my mind today. Off I go to dream and pray some more, and then on with the duties of my life, Joy's drama group, dinner, dishes,......
For helping to make a plan for motherhood, read: Mission of Motherhood
Social Media is like a fickle boyfriend........
Eponine-A-Rose-in-Misery
"He slept a summer by my side, He filled my days with endless wonder,
He took my childhood in his stride, but he was gone when autumn came."
"I Dreamed a Dream" From Les Miserable (Fantene)
Passionately singing this song, above the resounding notes of Sarah's piano playing, the three girls in our family find this song hauntingly beautiful. The image of a young girl, innocently convincing herself that she is deeply in love, giving her whole being to one who is there to consume her. When with child at the end of the summer, Eponine, the young girl, is left with scars, a pregnancy, responsibilities; her so-called lover is no where to be found.
I meet so many precious young women who gave themselves so such men. Women, longing for love, acceptance, purpose, a place to belong and to be validated, gave their souls to one who could never be a source of long-term love, strength or goodness.
So many voices lure us toward the very relationships and decisions that will, in the end, destroy our souls.
I see that social media, success, prominence, illusive material possessions, status--all fo these "Idols" could be this kind of boyfriend--here to entice you today, but gone tomorrow, where you are left to clean up a life with scars, loneliness and rejection or just silence, the feeling of being invisible.
Social media is the newest version of promising what it cannot deliver. Thousands of friends, but no one who has the time to talk to me personally. Now social media has its place--we can write articles of encouragement to be read by others all over the world. We can connect with old friends and meet like-minded friends on the internet. We can show pictures of our children, birthdays, holidays. There are many amazing revelations through the internet.
But there is a possible down side to this is "just virtual" relationship. I do not deny that social media and the web can fill some very important needs in our lives and can give us information at a moment's notice. But throughout history, life was never meant to be lived this way. God designed us to live in such a way as to leisurely be able to observe His handiwork, to breathe in creation with all of its color and variation. We were to to see His beauty in the seasons, a rainbow, to feel the course of nature.
Relationships were to be slowly simmering through seasons of shared time, work, love, seasons and years, with a knowledge that people would be in our lives endlessly through our whole lives without ever moving to another location. The gentle comforting hands of God wiping away our tears; the heart-smile that comes from being mutually understood; joyful celebration of life milestones, as kindred spirits walked through the cost of ideals together--these are the deep fulfillments God intended us to share in real life with present and engaged friends. f
God intended that we have time to sit and ponder mysteries of the universe, to have to work out our thoughts, to have time to work and read and create food and gardens and the works of our hands. He longed for us to seek Him, His presence, His relationship to us as God and savior, to fill in our hearts' needs--pondering and loving Him through time that is focussed on prayer.
God intended that we have real lovers, loyal, present friends, who would be here for us to celebrate life's daily moments and the tragedies and momentous occasions.
However, contemporary culture has forgotten these realities.
Perhaps, on the internet, we build up a couple of thousand of friends--that does not mean they know us, our real lives, our silent aches of heart, our loneliness, our dreams, insecurities, needs or doubts, or love us. Often it just means, they, too, are trying to build their list. Our social networking friends cannot bring us a hot, delicious meal or a fall bouquet of blooming flowers when we are sick or depressed or just need to know we are on someone's mind.
Our social media friends cannot hold our hand or give us a gentle embrace, when we pray through a heartbreak or sit and drink a real cup of tea on the porch as we watch a fall sun melt into the sky, and share secrets. Our social media friends are not here to touch, see, experience, giggle, to validate the memories of real life.
Our children also long for us to see them as the important ones--they long for our words of love and laughter at their jokes and engaging in their hearts and attention. Our children are only with us for a window of time, to receive our attention, loving touch, tasty meals, to celebrate life as we pour into their souls. If we are looking to the internet for our relationships, our children will look for love and attention wherever else they can find it--away from us.
We are their first choice, but they will settle for others if their needs are not met at home with our intentional and present attention.
Suppose, we get lots of comments on our blogs today, or an increasing number of visits. The pressure is on to try to keep that going tomorrow. If we feel good when people respond, must we feel bad about ourselves if they don't leave a comment? If we are one of the most popular blogs or web sites today, eventually there will be a "cuter girl on the block", where people will search for something more, something new, leaving us longing for the same affirmation and love we sought in the beginning.
I think that many young women become addicted to social media and neglect their families and children out of a God given desire to be loved, to have friends who care, to feel a sense of importance--to push away the feeling that we are invisible in this world of ours. The desire to be loved and known and validated is God-given. Yet, He intended for us to have real community where we are loved and have a place to fit with family--cousins, grandparents, parents, siblings. For thousands of years, neighbors were to be those who knew you your whole life, who were there for you in the tragedies and celebrations of life. Purpose and meaning came out of relating and giving of ourselves to a community of people called to live, serve and validate the meaning of life together, to preserve righteousness in the presence of our children as a common group of people who loved and served God together.
Now, we live in an isolationist culture where we move from place to place, seldom knowing our neighbors; go to mega-churches where it is possible to be personally, intimately unknown in our inner-life needs or desires. Often grandparents and siblings have different values, live half-way around the world, or are of no support at all--many who have been separated from us through divorce.
So, we seek to replace that which God intended to be real and present, with something--anything--that can help us to "feel" connected, loved, validated.
So, social media can spend a summer by our side, but might be gone when autumn comes. A fickle boyfriend--here today, gone tomorrow. Just a thought for today.
The best moments of my week
Joy and me at a photo shoot for 25 new photographers who needed subjects to "practice on" at Garden of the Gods, two weeks ago.(She is my pajama'd friend of the story below.)
The best of best moments.
It wasn't going to a Broadway play in New York City--though that was amazing. It wasn't seeing the Statue of Liberty up close, or Time Square and real NY Cheesecake. It wasn't the train rides, visiting with lovely, thoughtful women in the homes where we stayed, though the time shared and dreams and ideals expressed, was of the sweetest kind of soul-sharing.
It wasn't even the stimulating fellowship at the poignant Relevant Blogging conference, where I interacted with and engaged with 200 gifted, sweet, encouraging writers. Also, an encounter I will long remember.
But two moments pressed into my memories.
Late Sunday night, Comfy, squishy, black cotton pj's adorned my weary body as I plumped two pillows from my bed. Patting them, I gestured to my amber-eyed, tossled haired, barely distinguishable freckled, 15 year old to lay down on my pillowed lap. Clothed in her own warm flannels, she squished up on the couch, draping her legs over the end. Her warm body helped disperse the chill of our first cold night.
Sharing profound soul-thoughts, laughing at stories from the days of the week, tearing up over the needs of friends, planning life together, she only wanted me to be her friend, companion of these quiet moments, one who listens and hears beyond the words,--she wanted me only to be her mother. I tenderly stroked her hair out of her eyes, and caressed the sweet face so close to mine. What a gift that God chose me to be her mother--the one who had the unique calling to breathe life and beauty and hope and inspiration into her soul. That He would choose me for her, a gift beyond understanding.
What comfort came to me--the one who does not like the spotlight or to be the center of attention. Me, inside feeling fragile in crowds of women, inferior in my own eyes, not knowing what to share, but learning to press through what God has put on my plate to do.
Never feeling that I quite fit in--but here, in the quiet of a Sunday night, I fit in as my true self was known, and fully embraced in the sweet lingering moments of sleepy late night.
The second moment, pattering out of bed in the semi-darkness of 6 a.m. sun rising light, I reach for the empty kettle. Gathering mug and cup, I "put on the tea" and settled into mommy arm chair and he into his leather, manly one, "50 year old birthday present" from 9 years ago. Together, we shared in the sweet, quiet moments together of life, dreams, work, a thumb injury, the phone calls and issues of our very own children, the sharing of what it feels like to get old together when surrounded by so many young, talented people.
Thirty precious years of this early morning reverie. But this moment, made new again by his presence and listening ears. This, the secure comfort with my stable, strong, always "there for me" husband, no performance--all sins known from long ago, known and souls laid bare. This "knowing and still loving" comfort, built over 30 years of the life we have struggled through and celebrated together. This my second moment of grace that soothed my soul and spoke to me, "Ah, it is good to be truly home."
Getting back in the saddle!
Welcome to my newly moved over site! (itakejoy.com) I am just beginning to fill out this blog, but am excited for the possibilities of having some new ways to be creative with my blog.
For those of you new to itakejoy, I have been on a wonderful history trip with 2 moms and 4 kids to Philadelphia, Boston, New York and ending up at a great blogging conference in Harrisburg, Pa. Great, great days!
However, it will take me a few days just to get back to my center in this home where I live. My sweet husband and children are my priority and so I want to provide for them as I get back in the saddle of life at home! Several weeks of traveling have fed my soul with beautiful memories, roused my mind with challenging and inspiring conversations, and invigorated my passion to keep writing and reaching out to so many women who long for a personal touch, voice of life and encouragement.
We are gearing up for the mom's conferences, will be doing some new online book studies, giving some books and conference registrations away, so stay tuned and I will be back with lots that is bubbling up in my heart. For now, an omelette and tea with Joy are on my immediate agenda.
But, alas, my suitcase awaits, the refrigerator is empty and Joy and I need to get to the business of making this last year of her education at home the best one yet. So, I will post soon.
Peace and grace today!
Great quotes! Louisa May Alcott's home.
Too busy talking to friends, so I asked Joy and Christie, (my daughter and her bf) to write the past couple of days as they share some of their impressions. What fun I am having and how blessed I am to have a few days of pure fun! Here are just a few of the great quotes we saw as we walked through Louisa May's home--the author of so many wonderful books, including Little Women. "I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship." - Louisa May Alcott
So true.
"Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead." — Louisa May Alcott
"A faithful friend is a strong defense; And he that hath found him hath found a treasure." — Louisa May Alcott
Great memories and tears coming to my eyes several times. What fun we have had running through halls of history, homes of great writers and talking, talking, talking as we go.
The girls brought tears to my eyes yesterday morning. "Who gets to have an education like this! To read their stories and then to see the lives these great people lived and to know the rooms where they lived and wrote, the places they fought battles--makes us so very grateful to have known and seen these things! It makes me want to think, "How am I going to live my life in such a way as to leave a legacy of faith or courage that will help and influence others."
And so we have been busy every minute, and in the evenings we have had precious conversations with friends where we are staying and being treated to great meals, rousing conversations and heart-felt prayers. Such a blessing to me and a filling of my soul. All grateful to God for strewing my life with such blessings.
Deb, Jane, me and Shelley (below) staying up too late but having fun talking around the kitchen table. What great food and hospitality.
Off to see Paul Revere's home! and then training to New York City for more fun and friends. Have a blessed day.
