Part 2 of The Mystery of Discipline

When we live by faith in so many areas of our lives, why would God not want us to live by faith in the area of discipline? In other words, with the Holy Spirit as our guide, wouldn't it make sense that God would give us wisdom to understand the different personalities of our children and to adjust our discipline according to each of their needs? Wouldn't He want us to reach the hearts and lives of our children in the same manner that He reached the heart of His disciples? By serving them, loving them, correcting them, teaching them, living with them in wisdom and truth and modeling integrity. So, I give you part 2 of The Mystery of Discipline article I wrote to answer some questions I received from a group of moms.

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Words that build bridges of encouragement and affirmation

Appreciate their good behavior--"You are so very helpful. Thanks for picking up all your toys." "You were so patient with your sister. Thanks for being such a great big brother--I couldn't do without your help."

We used consequences a lot with our children and then we were very consistent to follow up. "When you talk to an adult, you say, 'yes, Mrs. Brown" and you look them in the eye and you do what they say." If they misbehave, we would say, 'what is our 24 family way about how we speak to authority?" (We trained our values into our children ever day by teaching them our way and giving them scriptural admonition--go here to see the 24 Family Ways in our bookstore to see what Clay wrote for our family.

We corrected a child's behavior immediately. We often said, "You have a choice to make. If you stop your bad behavior right now, then we will keep playing at the park, but if you insist on fighting with your sister or brother, (or whatever), you will have to go sit in the car while everyone else plays. (And then I or Clay would go sit with the child--but usually our children learned to comply with our training if we were consistent. I do think, however, some parents are too harsh and impatient with their young children--2, 3, 4 years old. These are the questions that need to be asked first:

1. Has my child had enough sleep--do I need to punish them or put them to bed with harshness and unrealistic expectations because I have allowed them to become exhausted?

2. Is my child's blood sugar low-do they need to eat or have I pushed them too far?

3. Is it past their bed time or nap routine?

4. Are they overstimulated by being with too many other children for too long and or by too much activity? (When children are in the presence of other children as toddlers and pre-schoolers, even more then two others at a time for over an hour, it takes their blood sugar almost 24 hours to normalize! ) Keep your children home, give them routine, let them play and exercise and tire themselves from natural play--not from being in front to the television or from being inside too much with too many other little children.

5. Have I been paying attention to my child--is his or her emotional cup full? Or have I been correcting them all the time and "whining" at them and they are badly behaved because I have not been attending to them?

6. Am I trying to make my little boy stop being a boy? (Boys are louder, more active, and slower to mature and not as apt to sit still--just takes a little more time and patience.)

7. Do I make an effort to sympathize with my child and enter his world--give him time to explore, nurse him or her, touch and tickle and show affection to them and hold them a lot?

8. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you--are you being fair? Positive and content and not yelling or whining or using guilt? Respect your child--meet your baby's need to be held, nursed and picked up and you will have a happier toddler--children need lots of love and affection--when their needs are filled, they tend to be much easier to handle and quicker to comply--I spent so much time with my little ones at home and they were much easier to train than when I took them out every day and overstimulated them.

Now, if these basic needs are met, then a child is much more apt to be easily trainable. (When I am not overworked and my emotional cup is filled and I feel happy in my home and am appreciated and affirmed--I am a much better person--and so with my child. But when I am exhausted, spent and have neglected my personal well-being, I also am harsher, and shorter of temper. I have to maintain my own peace at home for them to find me peaceful.)

Loving, teaching, training, etc. is over and over and over again. Takes a lifetime--when he is "old" he will not depart from it! :)

One mom said she was having to spank her child 6-8 times a day for not washing her hands before meals (found out the child was 2 1/2 years old!) I told her, "If you want her to like washing her hands, every time before you go to eat, you pick her up in your arms, take her to the sink and gently rub her hands with soap and sing a "washing, rubbing, making hands clean and smell good song" and then you kiss the hands and gently put the child in her high chair and she will want to wash her hands the rest of her life-- and it will bring a good memory!

We would also always train our children before we went into a new situation. "When mom goes to the grocery store today, I will give you a small cup of cheerios to munch on. I would like you children to stay quiet in the grocery store and not beg for something. If you obey Mommy, we will go to the park afterwards and have a small snack. If you choose to misbehave, we will have to go straight home and you will have to stay alone in your rooms." And then you remind them if any discord starts to erupt. Then children learn what you expect from them. Also, we would use distraction with little ones.

I think, too, that some stages just must be lived through--no, not this, this! over and over again--and then over a period of time, you will see that your children are growing in self-control and time plays its part and they begin to naturally mature because they are growing older. Just be patient.

Just wish you could have heard my girls talking and talking about controlling children and all the methods they remember us using--so fun to listen to your own and giggle at them in all their ways. Fun to be at this stage--they do grow up, eventually! Have a happy week and try to enjoy each phase--as I miss my boys way too much and when Sarah is gone, I wish she were here. But I do also enjoy them being out in the world and seeing them all spread their wings--it is healthy. But the whole process always had so many ups an downs and it is perfectly normal to feel weary and to be impatient--I had to learn to be a little kid person--just wasn't in my skill set or personality--but eventually it came.

Grace and peace in the midst of the messes of life and faith to handle it all.

The Secret to Having Mighty Children

I find that at this stage in life, I am spending more time discipling my children than ever. Last week, I spent hours and hours on the phone with my two boys. Nathan is in California and always facing big decisions about life, finances, career, and his heart needs. Joel is contemplating graduate school, the demands of finishing well at his college with balancing job, church, composing and applying to master's programs and being exhausted. Sarah is working hard to finish a book deadline, considering strategic missions with women overseas, life, future goals and personal needs. Joy, is dealing with friends, her future, spiritual issues and her own ministry to girls. The older my children become, they have no less need for a spiritually accountable mentor, but more of a need. And yet for them as young adults, it is not always easy to find those who are walking by faith, living in the Word, praying with and for them, pointing them to godly character, challenging them to live excellently and to hold on to God in a world that disdains faith, morality and purity.

In a formula driven society, so often we look for a list of rules, a easy application to help us to "get it all right," and to get the work of life and raising a godly heritage over with, so that we can move on to "important" things. Yet, the older I get, I see myself more than ever, as a Jesus figure in the lives of my children--even as Jesus was with His disciples.

My life's work is about investing my time and integrity with them, and not about my public life or appearances in my books, blogs, or conferences. This work means I drop everything else. If I am not faithful to those entrusted to my care, I will have no integrity or messages. And for this reason, I am simplifying my life even more, to be available for the personal ministry in my children and husband's lives. This is the "work" God has given me to do.

Jesus said in his high priestly prayer, "Keep them (his disciples) in thy name." He prays for them, teaches them, serves them and loves them and gives them encouragement and words  of life. This Jesus did to adult men, his life was geared around preparing them to be spiritual and supporting them in the ministry they would have in reaching the whole world. And so I see my job, to continue serving, loving, teaching, encouraging, holding up in prayer and pointing to the Lord.

But this morning, I was especially encouraged in my time with the Lord.

"How blessed is the man who fears the Lord and greatly delights in His commandments. HIs descendants will be mighty in the earth."

As I walk with God, cherish His commandments, choose to believe Him in the darkness of my own home, when no one else is watching, and focus my heart on His faithfulness, then the blessing of walking with Him in integrity spills over to the lives of my children. There is no other way. I cannot pay someone else to give this integrity to my children, by classes, books, experiences. But if I give myself to this great work, He has promised it will have results in the lives of my descendants. Simple as that--no formula, no works, just choosing to worship, value, trust and listen to, and obey my  precious God.

"Light arises in the darkness for the upright." He will bring light even in the darkness for those who trust Him and hold fast to HIs commandments.

About the righteous man's (woman's) heart choices:

"She will not fear evil tidings, her heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord.Her heart is upheld, She will not fear."

Our children being mighty is as a direct result of us trusting, being steadfast, in his power and assurance which we choose to believe, because we worship and trust that our God is true and present and ready to listen to  our prayers. We believe that He is  faithful. We wait on Him in hope and great expectation.Our heart is upheld and we will not fear, because we revere the Lord, invest daily in His word and believe what He says.

And so, every little decision we have, every challenge, every obstacle, every responsibility, as we walk through it all with God, choosing to believe in Him, the secret, practiced faith in the Lord will have the result of making our children mighty.

I see that as I speak to my older children of this faith I get from Him during the secret times of devotions, and model for them a righteous life, the strength, and faith and spirituality grows and grows in them. This will be my magnus opus--to have had the privilege to disciple my children as Jesus did  his own 12, and to seek to follow Him and engage my heart at every point in Him, and then watch Him bless my children.

It is not about the big miracles, it is about the daily living of faithfulness and practicing faith, hope and love in front of them and with God as our audience.

24 Years ago tonight, a miracle took place

In Austria, Joel, my brilliant, loving, artistic, strong, gentle renaissance man.

At 10:55, Clay and I had gone to bed in our little 900 square foot, creaky old home on a narrow street in Vienna, Austria. Having gained 50 pounds in my pregnancy, I felt quite like an elephant. As I climbed into bed,  I began to have excruciating pain. I said to Clay, I think the baby is coming. Since Sarah had taken 22 hours of labor to appear, I just knew that this was going to be a long labor.

"I think I want to take a shower and wash my hair," I said to Clay. "Especially since I know it is going to be a while." So, I took a short steamy shower, but was feeling much worse than I thought I should. I climbed out of the shower and was doubled over when Clay found me in our tiny bathroom.

"You'd better not take any chances!" he said with a worried look on his face.

"I just don't want to get to the hospital too early," I said, as I held a dryer to my hair and just blew it wildly to get it dry. Thirty minutes after the first pain, I looked at him and said, "Wow, these pains are so strong. I think we should check in the hospital now."

The hospital was only 5 minutes away. Austria required that a mid-wife deliver babies, though a doctor could be present. On my way out the door, I called my best friend and said, "I think you should meet us at the hospital now."

Clay took me in the front door, the nurse took me in a wheel chair to the stark, sterile room upstairs. Almost by the time Clay got up the stairs, I was pushing and Joel, my darling, brilliant, first son, popped out, just an hour after my first pain had struck me in bed. And my best friend had just walked into the hospital room with a camera to get a shot as he was coming out.

It only seems right that since Joel was born in Vienna, since he is now a wonderful composer, graduating from Berklee college of music in Boston this spring.

You might want to hear some of Joel's beautiful compositions. The one below is the first song on his second album. So many of you have told me how much you like Joel's cds. Here is a sample off his newest album, A  Thousand Dreams in One Life

02 Walking In Knyghtwood

Me and my prayed for, first son, Wonderful Joel, in Boston.

Happiest of Birthdays, wonderful Joel!

PS I will have his albums up next week, since people have been asking how to order them. The site with ordering and pictures is down tonight, but I had to post this on his birthday!

An Unexpected Adventure on my day with the Lord!

Piles of snow, loss of pathway, and no one to help.

Thanks so very much to all of you who prayed for me yesterday. I have been quite blessed and am so excited about what the Lord has put on my heart. Your words and well wishes were of great encouragement to me and made me feel so very special and loved. I appreciate your taking the time to fb me and to write comments.

One of the reasons I am seeking the Lord for guidance at this point, is that at 57, I feel keenly that I need to make the next years of my life count. I do not have endless years of ministry and speaking ahead--but a limited time, realistically. And with my last child graduating from high school in May, I have been impressed by the Holy Spirit to really become intentional about my plans and priorities.

If you have read any of my books, you know that God have given to me an adventuresome heart. Many stories and lessons have come from walking, hiking, climbing mountains and getting lost! Yesterday, I was enjoying a wonderful quiet time where my heart was being filled with excitement for what is ahead. It seemed pretty clear what I needed to drop and what I needed to focus on in my life. (more on that next week)

After a couple of hours, I decided to talk a walk outside, as I love to walk and it provides a great time for me to think and pray and clear my mind. There is a small lake up from where I am staying. It has a pathway around it and our family has walked it many times. As a matter of fact, I walked it just three days ago by myself one morning.

So, I climbed the hill to the little lake, and began to walk around it, looking for some familiar benches where we have shot family pictures and sat many times before. Three to four feet of snow had piled up in mounds in many places just from the previous 3 days of snow. I thought I knew this path very well and so took off in the direction of what I thought was my pathway around the lake. However, as I ventured into the obscured path, I found myself deeper and deeper in snow. What had started out as sinking down 3-4 inches in snow, eventually turned into a foot of snow. Stomping my feet 12 inches down, falling with each step became very grueling.

I kept thinking I was on the path and would find a cleared out place to walk just a few feet ahead. But, eventually, I found myself in snow that was over my knees with each step. I had looked back after about 10 minutes to go back, but it looked like the clearest path was just ahead. Finally, I realized I had walked deep into the woods, as I could not see a path or the lake. It all happened little by little. All the while I was thinking I was going a familiar way.

Now, I hate to admit it, but I had no gloves on. (I know all of you moms who prepare for everything--I know what you are thinking.) But, I had walked this a million times and the sun was out and I have hot little hands, so I don't generally wear gloves outside unless it is below freezing. But, I found myself falling every few steps (when you are sinking down below your knees in jeans with every step, the awkwardness of the snow and uneven ground underneath, caused me to fall numerous times.

Because I have lived in the mountains so long, I knew that I had to hurry and keep going as fast as I could to find a way out, as the colder and wetter one gets, the more danger of exhaustion and frost bite and inability to keep going. I was deeply out of breath, keeping a constant pace and climbing towards what I thought was a flat trail.

Finally, I found some footsteps where someone else had gotten off the train. Though each footstep was about 18 inches deep, it was a sure foundation from the packed snow and gave me the steadiness I needed to keep going forward. Of course the Lord was speaking to me the whole time.

"When you are searching for a trial in a difficult climb, it is always easier if you can follow someone else's footsteps who have gone before you to lead the way."

It seemed to me a paradigm of so many moms. Going on a pathway that is against the storms of culture, but without anyone to show them the way. I have forged this idealistic trail of life, to raise godly, moral, educated children in a culture that is challenging at every point. God had step by step taken me through the rough and dangerous turns and twists of a hostile culture and had been faithful to, by His grace and guidance, allow me to raise Whole Hearted children, healthy, alive and vibrant in their young adulthood.

The Lord really seemed to underline how much of a stewardship I had to be the footsteps in front of moms who need to find the way to go. I need to continue giving my life to help, to encourage and to show the way in the midst of all the cultural storms. Of course this was added to all He had been speaking to my heart earlier that morning when all of you sweet friends had been praying for me.

Finally after an hour and 40 minutes, I was able to climb up onto an abandoned ski trail. It was being prepared for skiing but was not opened yet. I saw flashing lights ahead of a ski patrol and so I walked about a quarter of a mile towards the light.

Finding 3 ski patrol staff, I explained my story, and they commented, "Oh yeah, I heard they hadn't cleared the pathway yet and had piled snow against the former trail. It was too much snow in two days to clear."

"Why don't you hop on the back of my4 wheeler and I will ride you up to the top of the mountain and take you back over to the place you are staying."

Of course she had gloves, a helmet and a snow suit. I had my coat, soaked jeans and was out for a leisurely walk with no gloves. And so she began to jet up the mountain. It was actually gorgeous and thrilling, when I stopped the beating of my pounding heart from overcoming my feat of bouncing off. We climbed all the way up to the top of the ski trail and over the mountain to the other ski slope. She, used to the mountain, was speeding over bumps and twists. I prayed, "Please don't let me die now, Lord. Clay and the kids would never forgive me." :)

After about 5 minutes, I began to enjoy myself and looked out over the sparkling snow and beauty of the sun shining through the trees. Again, the Lord reminded me what an adventure He had taken me on throughout my life, and yet how faithful He had been to provide and to help me along the way.

And so, I came home, took a very tall and hot bath, and sat down for my final alone hour. God poured out all sorts of dreams, ideas and ideals to follow in the next phase of my life to come. But, my day had been a little more interesting than I ever imagined it would be.

Seeking God

"Seek the Lord while He may be found, call upon Him while He is near." Today, I will be spending time with the Lord in prayer and reading His word. It seems that the world has such pulls on my life and on my priorities. But, I want to hear from Him. What does He want my days to look like? What does He want me to drop? What is the best way for me to invest my life for His glory? What are just vain things I feel compelled to do from the pressure of others or from perceived pressure of what I am "supposed" to do?

"Seek first the Kingdom of God, and His righteousness." What does that look like for me in contemporary culture?

Deuteronomy 4:29 "But if from there, you seek the Lord your God, you will find Him if you look for Him with all your heart and all your soul."

If you are prompted, I would so appreciate it if you would pray for me as I seek the Lord for wisdom today.

May He fill your lives with grace and peace as you walk in His ways.

As requested, The Mystery of Discipline part 1

Discipline--that mysterious area of life where people are so passionate. To spank or not to spank, that is the question. But is it really? Seems to me that the discipline of a person is a whole life process. God has used so many different approaches in my life to discipline me.

Natural consequences--It you do something foolish, you will reap foolish consequences--speeding and getting a ticket--not God, my stupidity.

Scripture--conviction by the Holy Spirit

Training--learning all sorts of lessons through jobs, circumstances, missions, watching others and having the training of my parents or boss or friends in the midst of life

So much of life is a process and so is child training. Children at 2 are just less mature than children at 7 or 9 or 11. Parents of older children know that children will grow out of phases. Gentle instruction, training, "You may not speak  this way, what is a better way to say this?" and following through. "You may not hit another child when you are frustrated, ever?" And then you isolate the child from the others and work with the child until they can apologize and ask for forgiveness." It is the patterns day in day out of correcting. loving, training, instructing, putting to bed, holding, and asking God to show us, by faith what each situation and each child needs at the moment.

No training is irresponsible. One of my friends thought she was following Clay's philosophy in his book Heartfelt Discipline by being lenient, which is different from grace based. "My three year old refuses to respond to my husband and always runs to me and spits on him and kicks him and I tell my husband that it is just a phase."

I was shocked. No child of ours is ever allowed to treat anyone that way, let alone a parent. We were on top of our children training, training, disciplining all the time. It was the way of life to model and instruct them in maturity.

Since  I am in the mountains with my sweet family, and want to spend most of my time with them, I thought I would post a blog from before that many people have requested. And I pray for each of you who read it today, that God will Himself give you grace and wisdom in your home for each situation with each child. Even as we walk by faith, we must also parent by faith. Grace and peace to you this Wednesday!

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"It just bothers my head off when I see parents who don't discipline their children!" Joy proclaimed after babysitting a group of kids at church tonight. After which a long conversation between Sarah and Joy ensued. So fun to hear them talk with such strong opinions--guess the Clarkson family culture was pretty strong!

When I asked what to write about, several of you asked about discipline. I am off to bed tonight, but I will throw just a few thoughts out. Seems to me that people tend to take two extremes. Either they are high disciplinarians and are too strict and harsh or they say they are grace based and don't intervene in their children's lives at all. Clay and I believed in high love and high discipline--but most of our discipline was training, instruction and correction.

I have learned more about my parenting by pondering Jesus than from anywhere else. In Hebrews we are told, "All discipline, for the moment, seems not to be joyful but sorrowful, but afterwords it leads to the peaceful fruit of righteousness." That right there says that God cares that we interfere with our children's development and maturity and discipline them to become righteous.

"He disciplines us that we share in his Holiness." His discipline was for a purpose--not to be overbearing with us and become authoritative--but to train us--to help develop His character in us. He has high standards for us. I feel that in my own life, he has used many obstacles, difficulties and stresses to help conform me more to His image--he does not let me off the hook--he uses His training to help me grow up- to become more mature.

So, I realize that I have to be willing to let my children suffer displeasure in order to train them to become excellent.   However, the point I want to make clearly is that discipline and training of a child is primarily relationship based----not rule based! We are to seek to win their hearts--to give them a reason to want to obey us. We are to accept our children as a gift and communicate clearly to them how we love and treasure them.But for Clay and me, it meant spending lots and lots of time.

How did Jesus influence His disciples, so that they wanted to follow Him to the cross? By spending 3 years with them day in and day out, teaching, training, modeling, correcting and loving and enjoying life with them. (I wrote about this a lot in Ministry of Motherhood) His influence was based on his servant-leadership--(The night before he died, he was pondering where he had come from--heaven with God where he was always worshipped--and where we would be going back--back to heaven--and then he knelt and girded himself about with a towel and began to wash the disciple's feet.

I was having a quiet time once and realized that Jesus washed 12o toes! He understood me as a mom wiping noses, changing diapers, etc. Seems he has such integrity--he never asks me to do what he has not already done! "If I being the Lord washed your feet, so you should do to one another."

He was a humble, servant leader, and so I must have such honor and integrity with my children. It is in serving them and honoring them that they develop a desire to respond to me.

However, training was moment by moment--every day. For instance, when  child whined, we took them away--away to their bedroom or if we were at someone's house, to a private room or bathroom. (What is the matter? Mommy and Daddy are allergic to 'whiny" voices. I cannot listen to you until you can talk in normal voice. (And then we put them in their crib or hold them firmly and  quietly until they could get control.

When they were disrespectful to either one of us or to someone else, we immediately corrected them and said, "How should you have said that to your brother, Father or whatever." Children should not be allowed the freedom to be rude or to be disrespectful--grace-based parenting doesn't mean that you don't do anything, it just means that you don't primarily use the paddle for everything. We would always pick up our child if they were disrespectful to either one of us and made them immediately do what we had asked. "Tell Daddy you are sorry you disobeyed. Now I will take your hand and I will help you pick up the toy he asked you to pick up. Please do it now." If the child did not comply, we worked with them until they did comply--right then and until the child complied. Do not train a child to throw fits or to cry or throw tantrums. And do not excuse behavior that you have decided is not acceptable.

But do consult the list below to see if you are provoking a child and testing them beyond their ability to control themselves. Each child requires prayer and thoughtfulness as they all have different personalities and your goal is to reach the child's heart with your training--to give them a desire to do well according to their own heart-felt motivation and needs, personality, gender and age. And be sure that your discipline is appropriate to the offense--a strict voice and long spanking and discipline should not happen for a child who has been careless or done something small--correction and consequences or doing it over is more appropriate--if you make every thing a big deal, your children will learn to dread you.

I have been really reacting lately every time I see a policeman. Our town is giving out as many tickets as possible to make up for lack of taxes on certain issues. So many tickets are given each day and police cars are everywhere (lots of articles and complaints have been in the local news.) I was wondering if this is how children feel when they have parents who are over bearing and authoritarian--dreading seeing their parents because they know their parents will find something wrong! How terrible to be afraid to be with your parents because they correct every single thing you do--that would be terrible in a friendship, marriage, or as a child--there must be grace in the midst of life.

Part 2 tomorrow

"He gives to His beloved, even in their sleep."

The view outside my window

Sometimes, when I least expect it, and I am lying in bed or sleeping at night, I will slightly awaken and messages will start pouring into my heart. Thoughts about God's love and parenting and His nature to provide were filling my mind in the wee hours of the morning as I opened my eyes in the early dawn.

Clay and I have been away for a few days in a time share that we purchased many years ago when our children were young. It was one of the only times in our marriage that we were just a little bit ahead financially and we decided that we needed a place and a time every year that would be protected, just for us to be with our children and each other, for rest, filling our soul, getting away from all the busy-ness of life ad to rest. We got in at the ground floor, so it was very inexpensive, but for our family, it was one of the best decisions we have ever made. We have not had family that we can regularly visit--not a grandma, grandpa home in which to get away, so this was a little gift from the Lord to give our children our own place away every year, even if for a few days.

November is not a logical time for us to get away. We have holidays, conferences, deadlines, school and so much more. Yet, we cannot not get away because God commands us to rest and if we neglect to rest in Him, we will miss His voice. For now, I believe one of the works God has for me in my service of Him, is to shepherd and love my sweet children, to support and help Clay in our ministry and to shepherd young moms. But there will be no truth or depth of understanding to pass on to each of these, if I am not making the time to fill my soul with life, truth, wisdom, inspiration and Him. I spend hours this time of year reading inspiring books, studying the word and just sitting sipping something wonderful hot to drink, while thinking and praying. (A bit of game playing, cards, movies, hikes and great meals go into the days, as well.)

And these are the times, when I stop life to make time for Him, that He speaks to me.

I was thinking about Jesus, asleep in the bow of the boat in the midst of a storm. Perhaps this is a picture of how we are to be in our lives--resting in His love and protection and provision, and not looking at the storms, but curled up in His presence knowing He will calm our storms, care for our needs, speak to our hearts.

When I do travel, and I travel a lot for our ministry, I bring "civility" with me. It helps me to create some peace wherever I am and sets up my times with the Lord and with my sweet ones.

While visiting China on our book tour a couple of years ago, I purchased several pashmina scarves. I take them everywhere I go. As a shawl on my shoulders when the planes are too cold, or as a cloth to bring beauty to coffee tables in my hotel room, they always add loveliness to my atomosphere.

Candles in jars always accompany me--flickering light sets the tone for a soft atmosphere. Favorite music on my ipod or computer with my own little tiny speaker, is always on with all sorts of tunes.

My Bible, one of many journals to jot down notes, revelations, ideas and inspirations are a must. When I am away in a room with the Lord, He always speaks to me and I want to record it to come back to later. I am always reading a number of good books to fill my mind, even it it takes me forever to finish them. So, books, too, fill a place in my suitcase. (Now I am reading a biography about Oswald Chambers and Donald Miller's book: A Million Miles in a Thousand Years.

While away on a fun day, I stuff in some magazines that are pretty to look at and fun to page through with my girls--food for thought and ideas for recipes and decor and travel and more. So, this time, I brought some old copies of Victoria Magazine.

I always travel with my very own tea (always a strong English Breakfast, Yorkshire being my favorite!) and a china tea cup or mug. China keeps drinks warmer longer. It is a necessity to keeping me centered on the road--to have some of my precious parts of life that I always cultivate beauty and civilization at home--makes me feel I have a little bit of home when away.

All the work and deadlines and demands of life will be piled up when I get home, but I will be better able to attack them and have more energy to deal with decisions. Now, my body will have slept every night for  eight hours. I will have refreshed my mind and soul and I will have invested in my memory bank with my precious family so that we can all have new chords that bind our lives together. Now off to my first cup of tea to meet with Him and to write down what He was speaking to me in the night.

What you practice, you will become

A memory bubbled up in my mind this morning when I was reading in my quiet time.........Funny how some things stay with you! FuGrumpy and complaining, carrying around an Eeyore sort of  "chip on her shoulder", a woman in my greater family circles, never ceased to sigh deeply, after almost everything she said. Supposedly a mature believer who had been a "committed" Christian since childhood, she  always made me feel discouraged when I would go to her home as a child. Her spirit depleted those of us who had to spend time with her and also made me feel that it would be easy to disappoint her because everything around her did not meet up to her standards. A funny memory from long ago that was brought back to me from a woman who was recently in my life.

When at home recently, I was having a quiet time with the Lord, and He brought this to mind. I realized that this precious woman had high ideals, but her ideals did not included having a grateful heart. And so, the spirit she cast on all that were in her wake was one of complaining and whining.

In this fallen world of ours, it is very easy to become disappointed with almost everything around us--the media, the television shows, the movies, the lack of morality in our leaders, the economic crisis, people who compromise or are immature and disappoint us, and on and on. Many of us have very difficult circumstances to bear. Others have a terminally ill child. Marriage can be a place of strife and loneliness. Christians and family members can be our harshest critics. Yes, life can be extremely taxing. And, working through these obstacle courses of life can deplete us and has caused me considerable depression at times.

But what we practice on a daily basis when we face these trials, will determine, to some degree the legacy and memory we leave to those who know us well.

All of us must come to the conclusion at some point, that this is the "broken" place. This is the sphere in which sinful men have separated themselves from God's original design. Here, Satan prowls around like a roaring lion seeking whom he may destroy. We should live to expect this as the place of warfare for the kingdom of God, and take up our arms as His soldiers to fight our battles with courage and faith.

But what we practice we will become. If we practice fear--being afraid what life could bring our way; or what may happen to our children at this point in history;  or what if we go under financially;  or what if my child who is learning to drive has a wreck on the freeway; etc., then we will become  even more fearful and frozen in our ability to trust God.

If we practice criticism of others, complaining and seeing others with a judgmental attitude, we will become even more harsh and critical, unloving and self-centered.

If we practice living in guilt and inadequacy, we will become small in our own minds and not enjoy God's grace and unconditional love.

Whatever we water in the souls of our hearts will certainly grow. And if we water these "weeds" in the garden of our souls, they will certainly take over and devastate the crop of faith, love, thankfulness, grace, joy.

And if we practice these attitudes of "sin", our children will certainly follow our lead and become immature in the same areas of our own lives. What we sow, we will indeed reap, in our lives and in theirs.

What do you cherish in your heart and feel the right to engage in? Is is healthy? Is it producing life and peace? Observe and see what you are allowing your heart to engage in, because what you cherish will determine what your heart will produce.

I came to understand that a big part of this battle in a fallen world,  means practicing faith and praise and love and thankfulness. These require a choice on our part. It is a choice of the will to say, "This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

I will look for His presence. I will seek to sow seeds of love. I will choose faith and believing that "He is a rewarded of those who seek Him."

It is the reason I named my blog, "itakejoy". I determined that I would be a person who would look for and cultivate and nurture the joy of the Lord, every day, every moment. It is why I wrote Dancing with my Father, I wanted, like David, to choose to dance with Him, to hold His hand, to look to Him every minute of my life saying, "Where are you in this, my beloved Lord? What do you have for me here? How can I learn? How can I find you here in the darkness. No matter what, I choose to believe you are good."

I had a friend who recently told me that fighting battles came naturally to me. It just doesn't seem like the stresses of life are as big of a deal to you. I definitely struggle with the burdens that are in our lives all the time. Perhaps people think I am naturally a Pollyanna.

But every day, in my battles of life, and there are many, I believe that if I really want to please God, then every day, I need to practice faith, grace, love. Not that I am perfect in them, but my choosing to submit my will to the Holy Spirit, trains my spirit to see Him more, to understand how much He gave to spare His life for me, and to learn what a cost He paid for me when He gave freely of Himself, though I, and nobody deserved it.

I am hoping that years and years of making "joy" choices, will produce in me, the quality of joy, so that I will be consistently an encourager, one who gives joy, one who pleases God more an more.

And so I see life through this grid, "What am I going to choose today, so that I may please Him? See life through His eyes? What am I practicing, that I may in my lifetime become more like Christ?"

So, this morning, in my time with the Lord, He very clearly asked me, "What are you becoming more of today?"

Hopefully, less critical, more joyful and freer to enjoy the life He has provided. Selah.

Today, I will take the time to.......

My precious little children, all grown up. Sarah, Nathan, Joy and Joel.

Today I have been bustling around town, treasure hunting for mouth-watering treats, rousing games, intriguing movies, and anything that I think would add to soul-deep memories of my family. The Clarksons are traipsing off to the mountains this weekend, Breckenridge to be exact. We associate this place with family, hilarity, hiking, outdoor jacuzzis under the stars in 25 degree weather and years of investing in these places and these traditions together, when all were younger and we were a whole family, all together. There is not much time these days to get everyone together, and so we make the time for each other, intentionally, especially in the midst of our busyness to say, "I need time alone with just family," in the midst of all the other activities of this stage of life.

But this time, only the girls will be with Clay and me. I will miss my tall, young idealistic boys who are out to make their way in the world. As I have been driving to all the stores on my list, I was reflecting on what I would do if I had it to do over again--to make sure they all really heard and experienced the messages my heart, that  wanted to imprint on theirs.

I would stop in the midst of my chores to listen to a boy-joke being shared and I would laugh out-loud and tell them they were so much fun.

I would stop unloading the groceries when my husband is talking to me and look deeply into his eyes and listen to what he is saying, communicating with my whole self, "You are such a treasure to me. I want to know what you are thinking and feeling and dreaming."

I would take the moment to tossle a head as I am passing through a room and say, "I am so blessed to have you as my very own child. You make me so happy, just being you."

I would stop what I am doing, to go outside to look at a "treasure" when I hear, "Hey, Mama, come look!"--an apple blossom blooming on our very first apple tree or a worm on the grass or whatever had capture their curiosity.  I would camp more outside on our deck and cuddle up under the sleeping bags more often to marvel at the stars and the one who made them.

I would open my eyes to take a snapshot of today--just as it is--with boy noises, loud discussions, toys being played with intently, piano being practiced, thoughts being shared, messes coming and going..

Instead of giving advice when a child is opening their heart through tears, I would listen with a sorrowful, sympathetic heart and take seriously what they were feeling, instead of mentally planning that the clothes in the dryer need to be folded.

I would laugh more, worry less, lecture only on rare occasions, overlook messes instead of wasting my time being neurotic, notice the fingerprints of my maker in the moments of my days, and cherish those few years when we were all home, together, being the Clarksons and celebrating life.

So, this weekend, as we getaway in the mountains, I will engage my heart in storing up pictures of the precious ones still here. I will listen, love, wash dishes and mugs happily and live fully in the few moments remaining before this season flies quickly into another season, and I will never be able to live this day well again.

And I will email my boys and "I love you and miss you" note, to tell them how very much they mean to me, how I believe in them and in their futures--which do have a hope, and how blessed I am to have them as my very own sons.

A Mission, a Mom Heart and Great Giveaway Part 2

Leon Augustin Lhermitte

"The wise woman builds her house, the foolish woman with her own hands tears it down." Proverbs 14:1

Surprised by Falling in Love with my Calling!

After growing in a vision for my home, I read everything I could get my hands on, that would encourage me in this ministry of motherhood. There were quite a few bumps and learning curves to adjust  to being home and to embrace this call from God wholeheartedly. My heart slowly began to come alive as I understood the artistry involved in building a life-giving environment in my home through music, art, feasts and celebrations, training in character, reading stories of great heroes, exposing my children to places of travel, discussing great ideas, creating beauty and creativity in my home. . Educating myself as I read thousands of hours of great literature to my children was a rich pleasure that filled my own mind with profound inspiration. Sharing daily from my own study of God's word  and spending time intentionally teaching these hungry minds with the truth of scripture and watching their little souls come alive gave deep satisfaction to my soul.

Falling in love with family, home, children, heritage and the life of 6 human beings in harmony as we moved through our days brought grace and deep fulfillment I had not expected. Conducting the moments of our day and leading them to excellence, civility, joy and deep, shared love expanded the meaning and purpose of my own life. Indeed I found that God's design for my home and family was what I was created to implement and execute within the freedom of my own personality and interests.

Starting a Publishing Company

Clay and I began being asked to speak on these subjects all over the United States. We started our own publishing company, Whole Heart Press and went 5 years without a real salary, scrimping and getting odd jobs--selling homemade cinnamon rolls, singing and acting in a local 6 month a year play (our whole family was in this and made $600 a month!) and somehow, with God's help, our ministry began to grow. With 10 books and discipleship materials, and our books in 5 languages, we have seen God take our faith and work and begin to restore to many moms a sense of His call on their lives. It has been so exciting to see God raise up so many like minded women who have the same call to help us reach out to women all over the world. A team working together is so exciting!

Mom's Conferences

Yet, there were those days I thought I had lost my mind! In my mid-40's with 3 older children, then 3 miscarriages and finally a sweet baby just before I turned 42, I found life a little daunting and overwhelming."Moms need a conference just for them, where they can be inspired and loved and spoiled with a great meal, a nice hotel room, chocolate and grace-filled messages--no guilt, just all love and encouragement." And so began our first Mom's conference in Texas. Now these 13 years later, we have hosted conferences in places all over the world and thousands of moms have been inspired and trained and encouraged.

So many moms said, "I don't know what I am doing! No one is there to show me how to enjoy and embrace this call!" "I can feel so alone! Being at this conference makes me feel like I am a part of thousands of moms like me who are changing the next generation all over the world." Since I had felt the same way, I began to write the kinds of books I wished had been there for me--Seasons of a Mother's Heart, Mission of Motherhood, Ministry of Motherhood, The Mom Walk, Dancing with my Father.

Mom Heart Leadership Intensive Training

Fast forward and Clay and I began to realize we wanted to train, inspire and build other women into speakers, writers, bloggers and Bible study teachers--raising up an army of women all over the world, who could start groups to encourage, help and inspire moms. I also wanted women to taste real homemade food, see our children's books and look over our library, relax and rest in our home, experience our hospitality, know the love of like-minded women in a more personal setting. Hearing truth is one thing--but to experience it is quite another reality--and I wanted moms to know these aspects of a life-giving home first hand, and so my friends and I attempted our first Leader's training in my home and my friend's home with 52 women from all over the United States, Canada and China. It was like a camp for Moms! (Look for the video of this on my next blog--a sweet  young man, 13 years old, made this video after walking around interviewing moms!)

Single moms, working moms, homeschooling moms, mothers of preschoolers and college age--all from different backgrounds and calls of life, but all here to celebrate the Divine Call of Motherhood.

New Adventures Ahead! And a Giveaway!

Now, we are entering into a new phase of our ministry--and you can help us! We want to see God literally raise up women all  over the world to be a part of a sweeping revival of family values, marriage, and a love for children and giving them a sense of godly heritage--an army of committed, loving, spiritually alive, warriors for Christ's kingdom, Moms!

So, we enter into this conference season with "Your Mom Heart Matters" as a theme and we are hoping to reach more women everywhere to be encouraged, to start groups in their churches and homes and to be a part of helping women to build strong foundations in their home with great accountability by cultivating fellowship with like-minded moms!

This year, I will be casting a vision for the Biblical and significant call of mothers in this generation. Messages both practical and inspirational will fill your heart. There will be wonderful music, a great luncheon, workshops that give lots of practical ideas about how to have a life-giving home, giveaways and a great book table with hundreds of choices. For the first time, you will be hearing stories and ideas from lots of other moms just like you. We are inviting our moms from the mom heart intensive to share some of their best ideas with you, as well as a few other moms who have great mom blogs. We will address the importance of all moms finding God's grace and freedom and forgiveness in their own lives, also educating their children, no matter what educational choices one makes; traditions in the home, discipleship of hearts and finding fellowship with moms to provide fun, refueling and a prayer partner. You won't want to miss this special year of conferences.

Please help us get the word out for our conferences coming up!

We are going to give away 4 free registrations for the Mom Heart Conferences. Two now and two at another giveaway later in December. (If you win the drawing and are not able to come to the conference, you may give it away to a friend or you will receive a $50 coupon to use on any book, dvd, or tape series from 12 years of previous conferences.

There are several ways you can enter!

1. Put the Mom Heart Button on the side of my blog bar into your own blog, facebook page, facebook wall post or website, and you will receive an entry.

2. Write a short blog article (not just listing it in your sidebar) and you will receive one entry.

3. Twitter about the conferences coming up and you will receive one entry.

4. Advertise it to your local support group, church group, homeschooling group and receive one more entry.

Fill out the form at: http://www.wholeheart.org/giveaway-signup/ to let us know what you have done and we will tally your entries. We will do the first drawing December 15.

We are so very grateful for all of you who have helped us get the word out in the past  and we hope we can get the word out soon to moms all over, who need encouragement and inspiration.  Many dads have given this weekend every year to their wives for Christmas. Your help keeps this ministry alive. Blessings upon blessings to each of you today!

PS If you leave a comment on this blog about the conferences, I will give you one more entry! :)