No one sees me--I am lost

Precious is the innocent moment when a tiny child, confidently proclaims, "I'll bet you can't find me," while his feet or body are conspicuously sticking out in a very openly exposed place. But, we pretend, for the sake of the child's innocent heart, that we cannot see him and we say, "Where could Johnny be? I can't find hin anywhere?"

We allow him to play at being real, and honor his developing ability to interact with life.

Snickers and giggles abound as we look high and low while so very near to the beloved child.

And so, in comparison to God's transcendence, He allows us, as mere toddlers,  to play at life and seek to grow and explore and exercise our limited human authority to bring about our goals and purposes in life and to expound on our own prowess.

Yet, truly, as our divine parent, He must, at times, allow us to cry and to be sad when we do not understand His greater ways. It hurts to feel lost and to be sad in this, the broken place, where He knows we will never be fulfilled or complete. Yet, He patiently leads, guides and attends to us as we slowly mature and gain perspective. But God is never lost and we are never lost to him. He always sees us wherever we think we are hiding or in the dark.

"Where can I go from thy spirit or where can I flee from thy presence? Even the darkness is not dark to thee and the night is as bright as the day." Psalm 139

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Eyes wide, glancing out from a weakly attempted smile, my dear friend was making a noble attempt to greet me with a cheerful heart. Cherished time with friends far away is a gift indeed.

Embracing her in a round body carres, I whispered, "You are so very dear to me and to our precious Lord. He loves you more than you will ever know. He sees you, He is with you and He will hold you and guide you."

Tears filled and burst over her dark black eyelashes as she whispered,

"I feel so lost. I can't find my old self anymore. I don't know how to come back to the light."

"You feel lost, I said, but God is not lost and He has not lost you. Just wait and be still and in time the light will come gently pouring into your heart," my voice whispered with as much love as I could pour into her darkness.

God's ways are always best and bring health, joy, beauty and real life. He shares our grief, frustrations and grieves with us in our broken hearts.  However, as a loving Father, He must interfere with our own limited expectations of how we falsely believe that we can find true joy and happiness in this world if we just try to control it enough.  But I have had to learn that  I am a toddler who has so little perspective, think I am hidden, or perhaps at times, in fear of being lost, can pretend and play and at times, pour out tears of sorrow at the difficulties and barriers He allows in my life.  We are all  immature, short sighted and limited,  being held fast by this earth, that God has to pry our hands free from our strong clutches on this world, to force us to look more heavenly and more astutely towards eternity where we will live forever and ever in His true light.

We may feel lost. He is never lost or has lost control over us.

"I am with you always, even unto the end of the earth."

Until we close our eyes here and awaken into His lovely presence.

Richard the Lionheart and taking time to make memories afresh

Today, I am home after 4 weekends away out of 5 weekends. Whew! So happy to have had the conferences, and speech tourneys and have finished the book--but now, even though my house awaits cleaning and mail is in stacks and suitcases need unpacking and cabinets empty of food, I know that if I do not regularly rest my body and soul and heart--I will not last well and I will burn out. Life pulsing through patterns of light and dark, spring and winter, busyness and laze--illness and health--disaster and mundane--whatever seasons come my way, I lean into them and ride their waves instead of fighting against their patterns of washing through my life.

And so now, weary to the bone, but content of soul, I ponder just how I might visit my daughter, Sarah, who is in Oxford, before she returns. I think I may have a free overseas ticket--of course I will find a way to justify my secret pleasure--time alone with my kindred spirit, who always fills my soul and inspires me, as do her siblings, and so I plan my course. As I was searching, I came across this memory--(doesn't Joy look young! Oh, my--just a few years ago, and now gone!)

So, I am thinking, a trip to my beloved Austria would be just the remedy to this soul in need of fresh stimulation, pondering, dreaming and rest--so I share this memory with you today. And maybe this is the day you need to take a break and make a memory, too!

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All work and no play makes Joy, Sarah and Sally dull girls. Recently on our mission trip, we had spent an endless stream of days speaking and giving out books and then hopping on another train or plane to go to another group of women with whom we would speak, minister to, give out books and serve. My children usually have to take care of other children, help serve meals, haul boxes of books and wait patiently for me to be through.

How delighted we were, at the end of our trip, to find a whole day free to do as we please. Since we had one free ride left on our train ticket, we decided to take a train to one of our favorite little towns that sits right on a quiet curve of the Danube River. Durnstein is the name of the town. It was a medival town with one narrow road passing through the small, ancient houses. Even today, only one car at a time can fit through the narrow passageway. Once when Clay and I were very young, we visited this town on a free weekend and stayed in the home—(bed and breakfast) where a wine press, over 900 years old, filled the middle of the house.

We chugged along through prim and predictably orderly Austrian villages. Flowering bushes, tulips, and daffodils marked the roadways and pathways and towns. Finally, we arrived at our destination. Story has it that Richard the Lion Heart went to the Crusades through Austria. When he reached his destination, he unearthed Leopold of Austria as the ruler in charge of the Crusades. In retaliation, when Richard was on his journey back home, he was capture by Leopold and place in a prison cell in the castle at the top of the mountain in Durnstein. He kept the whereabouts secret so that no one could rescue the English monarch.

Blondell, Richard’s beloved friend and servant, was a musician, seeking to discover the whereabouts of his master. The story tells us that Blondell strolled throughout the Austrian countryside strumming his lute and singing songs that were familiar to his king. He hoped that his king would hear him through the cell windows and respond. Sure enough, as he climbed around the mountain castle of Durnstein singing, Richard heard and sang back as a sign of his whereabouts. Blondell was then able to bring a group of English soldiers to rescue the King and take him back to England.

The morning we started our hike up to the top of the castle was chill, but sunny. The hike was straight up and arduous to my worn-out knees. Yet, with the encouragement of my younger hiking companions, Sarah and Joy, I completed the hike one more time to walk among the ruins of the old, remains of the legend tale. The views were incomparable as we looked out over the budding vineyards and caught the curl of the Danube winding its way through the sleepy valley. Rewarding ourselves with a hot, marrillen (the small town boasts of its apricots!) and cream cheese pancakes, lathered in whip cream, satisfied our overwhelming hunger. Then, seeing that the time was late, we literally had to run at full speed, a quarter of a mile, fearful of not being able to run another step, to barely catch the last train of the day that would return us to our friends in Vienna. What an adventure to put in our memory books.

In the end, love

Scrooge, George C. Scott

“In the evening of life, we will be judged on love alone.” St. John of the Cross

But the greatest of these is love.

Charles Dickens was a master story teller who got to the heart of people in such a way that all of us felt that we knew his characters in our real lives. Scrooge was such a fellow. The lens through which he looked at life was one of grudging, criticism, condescension, and he brought ill feelings everywhere he went. The  Christmas Carol unfolds in such a way, as Scrooge sees his life, he is shocked and seemingly unaware of just how dark his influence had been. He longs for redemption and begins to be life-giving, charitable, generous and kind to all in his wake.

Perhaps all of us have Scrooges in our lives. I have had several long term relationships with Scrooges. These life-drainers seem to see me, as a personality fraught with flaws and I feel that no matter what I do, in their presence, I will appear to have many flaws if seen in the wrong light. Do you have anyone in your life like that? I already hope that you are ont like that towards anyone else, because it is so destructive.

I wish Scrooge's transformation would happen in real life, that mean hearted, critical people would become transformed and suddenly repent of hateful ways. I have been immersing myself in the lives of sweet friends and people all over the country lately, I have seen how deeply wounds of insecurity, criticism, hatefulness and anger can be found in so many women I know. It is heart-breaking for me to see how many lovely, beautiful friends suffer under the illusion that they are not acceptable in some form or shape. And this burden haunts them deep inside their hearts as they carry around the burden of lack of acceptance on their heart's door.

Most parents, who have been the ones to create some of this heavy burden.  of these now adults would not say, "I set out to harm my child's psyche so that they could never be whole or feel good about themselves their whole life." And yet, this is the legacy so many have given. Where anger issues, inadequacy and performance demands, or a critical attitude or divorce or family heartbreak and disunity exist, no matter what the cause, heart woulds can often last a life time.

I know I have had to work through some such heart wounds in my own life. And yet, when I have allowed God to heal me, I have found that the end result--when I accept His love and choose not to live in bitterness or dwell in judgment myself,-- is that  God turns it all around and causes my own heart to heal with the result of being much more compassionate and sympathetic for those who need to feel the love and comfort in thier own lives that I needed to feel in my own. God will cause all to work together in our own lives, if we turn to Him. His love and compassion will then be the healing salve in the lives of other friends who are in such pain and need. Yet, I have found that many do not show these wounds, but carry them hidden, deep inside, with a mask on their faces in real life.

Love, I believe, is one of those areas that reflects what we sow we will reap. If we sow love, practice it. cherish it, plant it in the hearts of everyone we meet, we will most likely reap the fruit of love and have deep, encouraging relationships. And so, I have found that my children are so very patient and responsive to me, in spite of my flaws because they know I love them so much and will give them the grace I long for in this limited personality. But if I choose to hold onto attitudes like Scrooge did, I will leave a legacy like he left---people being afraid to be in his presence, avoiding him, not trusting him, talking about him behind his back.

Love is truly the glue to lives that God created us to use--His love is what covers all of our failures, all of our fears, insecurities, past. His love is the mark of our being redeemed and different from everyone else in the world. Love brings life, beauty, hope, comfort, inspiration. Love is the power with which we inspire our children to think they can believe God for a miracle. Love is what will allow our children to believe that the creator of the universe loves them, because they will have felt and understood it from our own lives.

I believe that love withheld or love that is not expressed is almost as destructive as anger or hate. A person who does not say the words, or communicate it or give affection or approval, may as well not feel love deep inside, because unless love is given away--freely, generously, graciously, regularly, it is not felt and so not valid as something hidden. Love must be expressed and given to heal and to bring life.

I do still have those who see me with eyes of a hateful heart, but it makes all the more clear, the gift of precious friends that choose to see the best in me, to love me anyway, to enjoy me in spite of the flaws. I am so very grateful for them. I long to give love to the sweet women I see yearning to know they are ok, hoping that somewhere in their lives that deep down, love will be the salve that heals their long and deep wounds. Oh, that above all else, we may be found to be lovers, as He was. I have been transformed by the generous and gracious love of late of a handful who have taken the time to lavish me with their sweet hearts. It has made me want to remember and to practice more love, because, As St. John of the cross said, "In the evening of life, we will be judged by love alone."

Read, read, read, read to your children--and the winners!

 People have often asked me what I did to build Sarah into such an excellent writer. How did you give Nathan, your adhd child the ability to write a blog? To write a book? Why can Joel ghost write for you and no one knows the difference? How did Joy develop her skills as a speaker and writer, so that she is so articulate on her own blogs?

I was not a perfect mom and rarely in one year accomplished my educational goals with my children. But almost every day, we had devotions and read-alouds--sometimes at night, sometimes in the morning, sometimes at tea times, but I kept baskets of books everywhere--in every room, in the bathrooms, in their bedrooms. And each year on birthdays and Christmas and other holidays, they all received books as gifts and I helped each of them build their own libraries.

"In the beginning was the Word (Jesus's name--the word) and the Word was with God and the Word was God." John 1

If God's name was "word" then words and foundations of words are so very important.

So, if you do one thing right, read, read, read to your children. It is what was the foundation of the minds of all of my children.

There is so much pressure today, (as always), to conform to cultural norms--and to try to keep up with the Joneses and all the blogs and articles that everyone else writes about what kind of curriculum to use, when to put pressure on your 5 year old to become academic.

But really, really, really--the key to giving your children mental muscle power and an advantage in any kind of education, is to read outloud to that child. All research complies with this, all teachers and writers say this, Clay and I say it emphatically in our own book. Read first--read daily---turn off media and put away work books and before you do anything else, read outloud to them--and read outloud to them until they are 30! Do not think that just because they can read at 6 that you should make them read to themselves and stop reading outloud. Read to them because you get to share in mentoring, discussing ideas, your vocabulary is bigger and you can explain things and they develop better skills in thinking and writing and communicating when you read outloud.

Here is another quotation that explains the culturally rich soul and the impoverished souls because of literacy and reading. Hope you enjoy these articles.

The poor and the affluent are not communicating because they do not have the same words. When we talk of the millions who are culturally deprived, we refer not to those who do not have access to good libraries and bookstores, or to museums and centers for the performing arts, but those deprived of the words with which everything else is built, the words that open doors.

Children without words are licked before they start. The legion of the young wordless in urban and rural slums, eight to ten years old, do not know the meaning of hundreds of words which most middle-class people assume to be familiar to much younger children.

Most of them have never seen their parents read a book or a magazine, or heard words used in other than rudimentary ways related to physical needs and functions. Thus is cultural fallout caused, the vicious circle of ignorance and poverty reinforced and perpetuated.

Children deprived of words become school dropouts; dropouts deprived of hope behave delinquently. Amateur censors blame delinquency on reading immoral books and magazines, when in fact, the inability to read anything is the basic trouble.”  Peter S. Jennison

And here are the 5 winners of the book Dancing With My Father. (Sorry I was late in posting these--I was writing my book.)

Tammy McCann

Stacey

Meripng

Julie Straugh

Hippie4ever

Congratulations!

Off to Irvine, Ca to a big speech tournament with Joy. Looking forward to warmer weather.

The hunger for a place to belong

There is a longing deep inside for more--a homesick heart. Often I do not know what it is I am hungry for, but nevertheless, it is there. We sense there is more in this life--we see a sunset, hear beautiful music that makes our throat feel thick, read a story that touches places in our hearts and brings tears we didn't know were there.

Here, I give you my wonderful Sarah's thoughts, my sweet daughter who is in Oxford. She is such a better writer than I and I adore her. We skype almost every other day and I am so blessed to benefit from her soul. I hope this will encourage you today!

ThoroughlyAlive.com

Relieved and not so desperate any more

http://youtu.be/O9ztr5n1zfU Finished--yeah! Thank the Lord...........

a bucket of grace

George Goodwin Kilbourne

“Lord I crawled across the barrenness to you with my empty cup uncertain in asking any small drop of refreshment. If only I had known you better I'd have come running with a bucket.” -Nancy Spiegelberg

We carry such a burden of performance and Jesus wants us to come for an endless lake of His mercy, joy, fun, love, forgiveness, power, beauty, adventure and freedom.

To celebrate each day in the infinite possibilities of what it might hold if we were willing to follow the fingerprints of God, instead of choosing to live in the limitations of Man's confines, voices and laws, is a goal worth pursuing. He is wild, out of the box, way beyond our control and more interesting than we can imagine, but often we live in the mundane and don't see the miracle of the moment because the eyes of our hearts are blind to His reality.

I loved the C.S. Lewis quote,

If we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desire not too strong, but too weak.

We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us,

We are like ignorant children who want to continue making mud pies in a slum because we cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of  a vacation at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.

Today, I am looking for Him and taking time to notice in the midst of deadlines, duties and messes. I will never have a day just like this again to notice and celebrate with a grateful heart.

So, everyone needs pampering once in a while

When you write books, you have to carry book boxes. When you carry heavy book boxes, your fingernails break and chip and get filled with brown box dust. I was about to go to speak at our mom's tea and sweet Christie Weakly, an adopted daughter, who is beautiful and also smart, said, "I will make your hands beautiful--let me file them and paint them for you."

So, we snuck away to a hidden hallway, behind the room where we would be meeting, and she began her work of art. But it didn't just make my hands more acceptable, it made my heart feel loved and grateful. In the midst of working hoursevery day for 4 weeks, this is a little moment that stands out in my mind.

It is the little ways you fill a heart--when you may not even know how much it meant. A kind word, a hug, a small token of love, a service to lighten the load, coming along beside. These are the small things that make a grand contribution to the filling of our hearts with all that we need to keep going.

I have seen so many ways that God has blessed me along the way, sending angels in the form of sweet friends, women who work side by side with me at conferences, those who send sweet notes of encouragement and prayer to email or fb, a sweet friend who spent an hour at my house while I was writing and put away all the valentine decorations in my home, knowing I could not,  and even a 25 year old son who cleaned my house while I was away judging a speech and debate tournament for Joy and returned to a sparking home.

Oh the small graces in our lives that fill our hearts. I am so very thankful for so many of you who care. May He fill your hearts with the knowledge that every little deed given in love goes into the heart. Know that all your small deeds and practices of love are the grand investment that add up to make a difference in someone else's life.

Be true to your work, your word, and your friend.

Henry David Thoreau

PS Thanks, Spritti Bee, for sneaking this picture. I appreciate you, too.

I am becoming more liberal than ever before, and more conservative--is it possible?

Nathan--my bright blue boy

One of the blessings of having been a mom who raised my children with Biblical ideals and life ideals is that my children have grown into my  best friends who also hold my ideals. I love spending time with my children and find them to be the ones who spur me on in my own walk with the Lord.

Nathan and I were talking in Texas and he said, "You know, the older I get, the more liberal I am becoming. I see such broken people all around me in LA. Soul scars, life scars, few support systems, broken family background, and I want to just show them Jesus' mercy and love and compassion because they have never felt it before. I don't care what they are doing or have been, I just want them to experience the grace I have known my whole life and to know the one who can make them whole."

"But then, I feel like I am becoming more conservative than ever. I see how important family and marriage and foundations and all of my old ideals are and I believe in them more than ever."

I think I feel that way, too. I am more grateful than ever before to know Him, His forgiveness, His love, His call on the life of my family and the wholeness we have shared. I meet so many wonderful young moms who have backgrounds and scars that plague them. I want them to know they are not judged by their works from before, but they are beautiful and redeemed. They are not their past, but they are new in Christ and their children will stand on their shoulders. There is hope for their future. Jesus and one person make a whole person. I want them to know the grace and love of a savior who gave all he had for them and for me. I want them to have hope.

But then, I see, more than ever, how grateful I am for understanding the legacy of family as God designed it--of a safe haven of love and innocence where the soul of a child can incubate to build them into whole, healthy, vibrant adults--where children can be protected and loved and validated.  My heart goes out to children and youth who are looking for love in all the wrong places. I hope my family can provide safe haven for some who are so longing for a stable place to be and to belong. I want to teach more and more how to be healthy and whole as a family so more sweet children will grow up with a strong foundation of love and grace.

And so I understand anew this verse, "And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth."

Jesus, who was the embodiment of God, was the teacher of truth and the holiness of God and righteousness

But also, the one whose whole life and being embodied grace--the generous giving of Himself to those who were less than Him, so that others might benefit from his redemption and love and become whole.

Grace and truth together in one place.

For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in;  naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.’  Then the righteous will answer Him, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink? And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You?  When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’  The King will answer and say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.’

I love seeing this man, Nathan, my son, living out the secrets and the mystery of the secrets of the kingdom of God, and I am honored to have him as my friend and to call him my son.

Thought you might also enjoy Nathan's blog article today. It made me smile and want to celebrate my day. Here it is. 

A plan for training children to become leaders in their generation, and a Facebook Party!

As I left for the Texas conference, I said, "Joy, do you think you could do your persuasive speech on youtube so I could share it this weekend?" and so she sat down in her bedroom, recorded on her computer and spoke her thoughts. I give you my sweet daughter, Joy.

There are many philosophies of discipling children and either sequestering them as young adults, or allowing them to foray into this world, and so I do not want to create division with this article. Each family must walk by faith and do what is best for their children.

However, Clay and I have always been about missions and discipleship and making an impact in our world. So, our pathways are covered with much prayer, dependence on the Lord, and humility, hoping that our labor will not be in vain. It is not our desire to offend or to separate, but to help educate others who want to know our own plan for discipleship in our home.

I learned long ago that either a person is growing and owning a purpose and dream and working towards goals or they are becoming passive, disinterested and slowing down, moving toward death of soul and faith. As a mom, this principle works itself out in this way. Whether I like it or not, this is the fallen place, (Jesus said in this world you have tribulation--Satan has been allowed to wreak havoc in this arena.) And so, I have to train my child with this in mind--that some day they will have to take their place in the battle, someday they will be in the war and either I am preparing them to fight back, to bring light to their darkness or they will become victims in the battle.

How is this accomplished? Of course a whole book could be written about this, (Educating the Whole Hearted Child), so there are many aspects I will not cover here today. We started out with our children giving them a strong foundation of purity, innocence, an understanding of goodness, righteousness, moral strength.We taught them our values and scripture that helped them tie these values to scripture. (The 24 Family Ways) We surrounded them with beauty, creation, scripture memory, feasts, relational love and serving of one another. They developed their soul appetites on what was good and right and true. This is the phase of investing in their foundation and pouring in an understanding of what is right and wrong.

Practically speaking, our children found our home to be a place that was a haven of fun, rest, goodness with dress up clothes and capes and swords and aprons, princess dresses and kitchens--lots of pretending at the areas that they would grow up to be. (mostly gathered from good will stores.)

They grew up on hundreds of books and stories that filled their souls and brains with captivating tales of goodness, bravery, heroism, faith, sweet family values, friendship and so the very soil of their soul grew in grace. We developed their appetites on reading and stories--to learn to love them, before they would ever be shaping their souls on media and machines. What children learn to love first they will love forever.

LIttle by little as they became older, we loosened the reigns of our own authority to give them some freedom make decisions within the boundaries of our advice and instruction and exposed them little by little to the world with us at their sides--having non-Christians over to our home; going into the world with them seeing us interact--(in political places, the arts, movies that we discussed, teaching them how to behave and giving them confidence of how to invest their messages that they had been building in a gracious way, getting jobs in the public arena.) We discussed and let them verbalize their own convictions based on articles we read together, issues we discussed that we knew they would encounter in the world, all at our dining table and in our home. We made time for them, mentored them, took them out for dates with mom or dad to have their own time of talking to us about all that was going on.

Next we looked for places to send them for training and exposure with others--Summit Ministries 2 week trainings--a must for our children--world view and apologetics camp to strengthen young adults in their convictions; a discipleship group at church, a discipleship Bible study with a godly friend; a world view class in the evenings with dinner with their peers in our home.

All of these plans prepared our children to be ready to take their place in their world as Daniels in Babylon--they perceived themselves as warriors, not as refugees who should hide and sequester themselves away. Jesus said, "Do not take them out of the world but keep them from the evil one." We are to all take our stand bringing his light and redemption in a lost and broken world." A light should not be put under a bushel, but lifted up so all can come to the light.

And so, Joy, struggling through years of training, learning how to manage people with different values that she encountered when discipling a group of girls younger than her for 2 years, sharing her faith in different arenas, putting up with disappointments of others compromising their morality, entered her university classes this year, armed with wisdom, knowledge and compassion for the lost--who do not even know what to believe or how to be whole. So I give you one of her speeches that she is giving in the tournaments this year. It came from years of intentional preparation and training.

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PLEASE JOIN US WEDNESDAY EVENING FOR A FACEBOOK PARTY, WHERE WE WILL BE ANSWERING QUESTIONS, AND DISCUSSING OUR PHILOSOPHY OF DISCIPLESHIP AND EDUCATION FROM EDUCATING THE WHOLE HEARTED CHILD! INFORMATION MAY BE FOUND HERE.