Different or Gifted? Fording the stream of out of the box kids

Do we ever try to stuff our square children into a round peg?

We live in a world that delights in conformity. Do what is expected. Don't stand out. Learn to fit in.

Peer Pressure to do what everyone else does, to behave as others have learned to behave.

Once, during the high school years, when one of my children brought home a whole gaggle of kids for "hanging around at our house," they all gathered around me in the kitchen as I served up hot cookies and popcorn. (During those years, I would do anything to bribe my children's friends to be at my house.)

Conversations ebbed and flowed. The kids were talking about one of the kids at a class that just didn't fit in with everyone else.

He said, "I think all the rest of us learned to avoid sticking out or bringing attention to ourselves when we were in third grade. We knew that to stick out in the crowd would only bring a crowd of kids making fun of us--and no one wanted to be noticed in front of the crowd of other kids."

The other kids shook their heads in agreement.

How sad, I thought. To think that the God who made each snow flake totally different, each fingerprint varied and individual, would ever want his best creations--human beings, made in his image--to fit in and become robotic in their behavior.

And yet, I see parents, all the time, looking for a formula--a one size fits all sort of solution to stuff their children into to make their lives more manageable. Parents compare their children to others and try to make their children conform.

"Jan's child started reading when she was four. Robin's 8 year old knows all of his multiplication tables. Everyone else has their children in piano or soccer or or or, so I think our children must need that."

"This family doesn't listen to that kind of music--maybe we shouldn't. That family's kids are all more quiet than our kids."

If adults are performing to live up to cultural expectations and to please the voice of others, how will the children ever learn to stand on their own convictions and to listen to the voice of God--even if it is against cultural standards?

 Children who are trained to conform to the expectations of others in culture, are not as quick to ask become heroes, to become inventors or to accept the role of a prophet in a culture that needs to change.

Albert Einstein

Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. Albert Einstein 

Albert Einstein was one of the most brilliant thinkers of his time. His name is synonymous with the word "genius." Yet, as a baby, his head was so large and misshapen, his mother thought he was deformed. As a child, he had a speech defect. He failed his college entrance exam. What vast potential lay dormant in the life and mind of this brilliant scientist, until the time when His powers of thought culminated in life-changing scientific discoveries.

And so it is with our children. Each of them is unique and qualified differently for performing in life. How blessed is the child whose mother looks for the unique design and personality, who looks for the spark of interest her children show in different subjects; who asks for the Holy Spirit to show her the place this child was crafted to invest his life for God's glory.

I once read an article that suggested that each child had the capacity to become a genius in some area. Having read this one bit of information changed the way I looked at my children their whole lives. I did not focus on what they could not do, but sought to help them find out what they were made to do. Each child learned at his own pace and excelled in different areas. Each was validated for his or her own design.

Faith is required to allow a child to pursue those skills and interests that delight his heart, but strength is found when the authority of a child to shape his destiny is freed to full potential by the loving, accepting and nurturing environment in a home that is alive with His spirit.

Legalism and conformity kills the spirit. Grace, faith and acceptance sets free.

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed, by the renewing of your mind. Romans 12:1

Comparing children to each other deflates their sense of self and flattens their interest and creativity in life. When we see the differences and diverse strengths and unique expressions of our children in the days of our lives and seek to facilitate these differences, perhaps we might just be setting an Einstein free to live, not in conformity, but to invest his life in producing something the world is hungering to receive.

God did not make any mistakes when He created our children. Each child is fearfully and wonderfully made. Consequently, when we accept them as the gift from God he meant us to have, and if we love, pray for them, validate them as He made them, it will become a part of the soul-shaping, wisdom of life He intended for us. We learn wisdom in life by leaning in to His will and ways--and part of that is in accepting the children He gave us as they are.

Today, celebrate the differences, look for the genius and watch the life of God filling your home.

In light of this subject, I know you will enjoy reading Clay's article about the cost of raising an artistic child--how we survived raising children, and in this case Nathan, who listened to the beat of a different drummer.

(Storywarren.com--a great blog to inspire parents) Enjoy!

When will they stop fussing? Love must be trained, to grow! Way # 5

Joel and Joy, playing and singing again.

There was a time, actually some years, when I wondered if Joy and Joel could go for a day without chafing each other. Whatever personality issues lay between them, add a little sin nature and age difference, and life would find them often correcting each other's opinion or thoughts or heating toward high friction.

Some of my best memories the past two years, though, have been seeing them come to the piano again and again--playing, singing, harmonizing for literally hours--as they are both singer-songwriter types; seeing Joel coach her as she practiced her speeches and then spending hours judging at her speech and debate tournaments; coaching and encouraging each other through life, loves, thoughts, and becoming real, down deep friends.

Same with Sarah and Nate, or Joy and Sarah or Joel and Nate, ..., you get the picture!

Moms often say to me, "When are they ever going to stop fussing? Will they ever be friends?"

It does take longer than any of us would want, but training is the key to training the heart's response.

But, as I have paraphrased in other principles--love is not natural, it is supernatural. Love is a choice, an obedience. It grows when self is put away again and again. Love is a choice practiced over and over again--in order to build a strong "love muscle."

And yet, Jesus says that love is the very reality that will separate us from the world, because love is such an exceptional light in a sea of dark relationships--that we would actually show love for one another is the way He said we would win the world.

As he said, "They, (the world), will know you are my disciples by your love for one another."

The reason people would know that something was different about believers in Christ is that love is not natural to normal people--love is not normal in this world where divorce, law suits, violence in homes, separation of friendships, petty fussing and fighting, church splits, this is the norm.

That is why this week's "way" is so very important.

"We love one another, treating others with kindness, gentleness and respect." Way #5

Memory Verse:

Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.  No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

I John 4:11-12

Love must become a trained habit. Living by feelings is not a choice, we must help our children to "become strong inside" by choosing what is right, beyond  negative feelings. Living in submission to the power of the Holy Spirit, and choosing to practice love, is what is at stake here. Obedience to practicing love and learning to forgive is a pathway to maturity and a choice where God will provide strength in the midst of such a choice of obedience.

What we sow, we reap. And if we sow seeds of love, seeds of choosing to be kind, learning to be gentle and showing respect, we will empower our children to have strong relationships.  All of this must be taught, modelled, and then corrected and trained again and again.

The practice of learning to love goes on at home:

Is that the way to be kind, gentle and respectful to your sister? How could you have said that differently? What is our Family way about how we treat one another? Now, I want you to apologize and tell your sister that you love her.

Some of our besties--even friends offend each other.

Friends must also become a place of practicing loving.

I know you feel like your friend irritated you and was unjust--but our verse says, "Since God loved us, we also ought to love one another. So, could you find it in your heart to forgive your friend? Mama has quarreled with her friends before, too. I know it hurts your feelings. But since God forgave me, I knew He wanted me to forgive my friend. Can I pray for you and your friend? ..........Now, let's surprise her and write her a nice note about how glad you are that she is your friend and maybe we could take her a plate of cookies?"

If we separate from our friends just because of quarrels, then we are teaching our children that we don't have to love everyone--we only have to love the people who we feel like loving--and then your training of this verse and family way becomes null and void.

What we model as adults is the integrity of our teaching them to follow our ways.

(And even in those irrational relationships with family, believers and others who will not speak to you anymore or who have decided to be at enmity to you, you must model restraint--show respect because you are a child of Jesus. Show your children what it looks like to respect even those who have offended you and sinned against you. When you model unconditional love in front of your children, they know deep in their hearts that you are choosing to control your feelings in order to sow love--and guess what, that is exactly how they will behave when they are tested as adults--because they learned integrity from you!)

Oh no, you mean I even have to model this way in marriage?

All marriages have stress and ups and downs. This is the training grounds for parents to practice unconditional love in front of their children. Way 5, loving because He first loved us- is not something that just the children are required to follow--even we must follow our Family ways, especially in marriage--sowing love and grace, kindness, gentleness and respect with our spouse, even when our feelings disagree. This is the training grounds for greatness for our children.

When they hear the truth of the way and learn the verse, then when they see that in their home, forgiveness is practiced over and over again; saying your sorry and giving respect and restoring the relationship; choosing to act and speak in respectful ways, prepares your children to:

Stay loving and faithful and forgiving in marriage

to be a loyal and faithful friend

to get along and learn how to honor and handle others at work

In short, training a child to choose to love by showing kindness, gentleness and respect will prepare them to go before kings or paupers and to become leaders in their generation. This is one of the most important areas of training, so that our children can learn how to influence people with the messages of Christ--it starts with an attitude that says, "God has designed me to love people, to be humble like He was, to show respect and kindness."

Did fussing irritate me? Of course--drove me crazy!

Did I ever wonder if my children would get along? Thousands of times.

Did I wonder what I was doing wrong? Of course I did.

But training is a matter of process and maturity. And it really is going in deep in their hearts.

But training them to love is not about forcing them and yelling at them--but training, correcting, loving, modeling and doing it all over again, until this is a true value of their soul.

But it does work and God will knit together your family, because it is deeply in their souls--His way and design for them.

I am not quite sure when the "magic" of my children really loving each other and enjoying each other and really loving to be together happened, but it is a gift and a result of the seeds we planted and watered over many years.

Even last night, Nathan rang us at 10:30 and we had a 20 minute, face time--me on the couch, showing the dog, getting 3 of us in camera site at once--just to be together and "jaw." We giggled, shared, talked and loved once again as a community of Clarkson's. The fruit was sweet to my mama heart.

This training is an over and over and over again issue, but I must say now, fighting hard for this way to become the "way" of their hearts is one of the sweetest harvests of training, because now we have all become best friends.

I was the one who was loved

Valentin de Boulogne

Jesus and young John

Snowing again, music wafting, reading my Bible and being changed.

John is one of my favorites in scripture. Calling Jesus the word, speaking of handling him, knowing that he was the disciple who was loved,

when deep friendship and camaraderie amongst men was not suspect but the place where the vision for life and discipleship was passed on,

penning the vision of our glorious ending with Him in Revelation, who tells us He is the light that illumines every man.

Oh to have conversations with John.

This morning in my quiet time, John's  words pierced my heart--

His authority: "What was from the beginning, what we have heard, what we have seen with our eyes, what we have looked at and touched with our hands, concerning the Word of Life—  and the life was manifested, and we have seen and testify and proclaim to you the eternal life, which was with the Father and was manifested to us

I John 1:1-2—

He who walked with Jesus and was loved, wants so much to teach us so that we can really know what He knew--the personal one who deeply loved Him.

These words burning in my mind today:

Do not love the world nor the things in the world. 

Popularity, things that I can own, voices of the world, kingdoms of this world, fitting in,

If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 

I cannot truly love the Father if I am in love with the world--

the things, the longing to fit in, the love and promotion of self--

He did not value the world, He humbly lived and served and washed feet and gave up His kingship to serve-If I am to love Him, I cannot love the world.

 For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh,

Eve saw that the fruit was pleasing to the eye

 and the lust of the eyes

And Eve saw that the fruit was good for food

and the boastful pride of life,

Eve saw that the fruit was desirable for gaining wisdom,

is not from the Father, but is from the world. 

May I resist temptation--and not see my life as Eve saw hers when she was tempted.

^{What are my idols--those things which I look to for comfort, for fulfillment, thinking it will bring me happiness--those idols that promise to satisfy but leave me empty in the end}

The world is passing away, and also its lusts;

but the one who does the will of God lives forever.

I John 2: 15-17

The world is passing away--oh may I remember. That I may invest in eternal values and people and Him and His word.

I wish I had known....

In this world you have tribulation,

but take courage....

I have overcome the world.

Jesus

No amount of ranting or complaining can change the fact that we live in a fallen world, a

a battleground for souls.

I wish I had known sooner

or better understood

or earlier admitted

that I needed to accept this reality,

and to determine to grow up and determine to build up my strength little by little.

It would have saved me so much emotional havoc in the long run. ~ 

 From, Desperate - Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe

If only I had understood that this was a battle for allegiance to the one who is true, and not an issue of choosing the right activities, or the best curriculum, or the most promising school choice,

If only I knew that the sacrificing of my life to God's design would be the making of my character;

To have understood that the longer I loved and served and gave myself to the training of my children, the more I would understand His fatherhood of me,

and

the complete sacrifice He was willing to make for me, his own unaware and shortsighted toddler child,

who often was blind to the workings of His ways and the wisdom of His voice,

even as my children were often blind to my wisdom given for their sakes.

If only I had known that the miracle of my children's long term faith and love for Him,  was not an issue of our being righteously mature and perfect in performance,

but upon our dependence for Him working according to His power and mercy--

that He was the one who made our paltry sacrifices enough to reach the hearts of our children,

because He cared more than we did about the loving and redeeming our children out of darkness into His light,

and that all He wanted from me was to give it all up to Him and to live by faith and to enjoy the gift He had given into my hands--

the gift of mothering these children, living this story, and seeing His miracles right before my eyes.

Commit your way unto the Lord, trust also in Him and He will do it. Psalm 37:5

If only I had known, it would have saved me so much emotional havoc, worry, impatience, and stress, 

And I would have lived restfully in peace, and enjoyed each day more, letting Him take the weight of my fretting and worry.

Peace of the Lord be with you today, the Lord is near.

Sally

A Fire in my soul--a challenge, a call to Motherhood

My heritage--my precious daughters, whose legacy of righteousness will live beyond me!

“What does it profit a mama to gain the whole world and lose the soul of her children?”

Paraphrase by me

From Desperate to Hope!

At 31 years old, I prepared to hold my first baby in my arms. Having been a working-woman for 10 years, I was used to speaking to large groups, traveling all over the world, having my own life validated by my work,

Yet, when I held little Sarah close to my cheek, her infant smiles especially for me, the tiny hand patting my chest those first few months, God began to do a deep work in my heart.

His Spirit moved me to start studying and pondering scripture to see what God's opinion was about children, to understand this mysterious design and connection between mother and child.

My men, the ones who will lead in righteousness--who are changing their worlds because of their sense of heritage.

Now, after 29 years of mothering, I am sure that is was God who was whispering the secrets of His will into my ears and impressing me deeply in my heart of eternal spiritual truths. And His desire and His plan was excellent, I have experienced it profoundly, and know that Biblical motherhood is a most profound and meaningful role when lived by God's design.

The first blessing out of God’s mouth to Adam and Eve in Genesis was, "Be fruitful and multiply."---that before the fall. Children  are a blessing from God's heart and from his perfect design. Their souls will last for all of eternity. The fruit of the womb is a reward. Jesus took them into His arms and blessed them and said, "Of such is the kingdom of God." He also said, "Woe to the one who causes the least of these to stumble."

God fashioned the  family as the place through which righteousness was to be passed down from generation to generation. Of course the Proverbs 8, and 9 passage, and 14:1—

Proverbs 31, a classic view of the immeasurable value of a woman being the glue to family, to influence in government through her marriage, to the shaping of children who grow up to call her blessed—the one who had noble words on her tongue.

“Mother of all the living” was the first woman’s name that defined a great part of her purpose. Solomon, the wisest man on earth declared that the wise woman builds her house, the foolish one tears is down with her own hands. (The house here being her heritage, family, family name--generations of her home.)

Paul gives ageless wisdom in Titus 2 that the older women, those who had lived through births, illnesses, journeys of children from cradle to adulthood, hormones, training, difficulty, challenges, calls to faithful, loyal love in marriage through dark seasons and light--wiser, more experienced women, were honored by the call to prepare, to help inspire and to  to train the younger women to love their children, love their husbands and to be workers at home.

All of these verses supporting the incredible, purposeful, eternally meaningful role for women to fulfill so that the next generation of adults would have the hope of becoming righteous, brave, morally strong, sure in righteousness, passing on truth, purpose and love—to preserve life for future generations to be strong and viable.

I didn't have a vendetta or something to prove. I was not anti-feminism, but pro-God’s ways--just a simple desire to try to follow what scripture said. To please God with all of my heart, to seek first His kingdom, by including a Biblical design of family as central to His heart. In seeking Him and His word, I found these great truths, this value to a mother’s design.

But as a young mom making this choice, I faced so much loneliness and isolation. I made it through so many dark and devastatingly difficult seasons of motherhood because I saw the heart of Christ, and I knew He cared.

My fellow idealist!

When He looked out on the multitudes, he felt compassion—because they were like sheep without a shepherd.

When I look out a young moms today, I feel compassion, and I also feel that they are like sheep without a shepherd. Many long for direction and input and wisdom, help and support, a night of sleep, a couple of hours away—a small break from all the pressures, yet the mamas don't know where to go to find this small bit of help.

Most public ministry messages and leaders don't really touch the subject of mothering very much as it creates so much friction in the Christian arena with so many having made different decisions, and yet with such sad results. The Barna polls show--the constant descending morality, spirituality and faith of teens and 20 somethings plummeting every decade to an all time low. Young adults losing their faith, in some estimates up to 90% in college. Falling literacy amongst young adults, less marriage because of co-habitation, homosexuality growing, addiction to pornography by young women and young men because of the ease with which to find it on the internet, and so many more statistics about the decline of the young adult culture in many areas.

Should we not ask the question, “Could the decline of the moral fiber and faith of young adults have any correlation to the lowering of the vision for motherhood and its significant impact on children in the last 40 years?”

I have rarely met a mom who did not love and cherish their children. Yet, so many felt lost in a sea of contemporary philosophies. And I do see so many moms living in the pain of their own broken memories of their childhood sadness. I see so many moms with pressures, especially in this current economy. Many have to work just to feed their families. Many sweet moms are single and bear so much pressure alone. Many young moms have just never heard of the Biblical call to motherhood. Many come from broken families and don't know how to love their children. Many moms have not been given the permission from their culture to stay home with their children. Many moms have just never considered or been taught the truth about their role in children's lives.

And yet, we know both from statistics and from Biblical wisdom, that no family becomes righteous without the devoted teaching and intentional training of their parents. We also know that when the next generation of adults, the children in our homes, are neglected, then the future adults will have no godly character, no purpose or direction and will cultivate the demise of culture.

I think that scripture teaches us to live by faith. There can be many ways of working out a family life in which righteousness is passed on to children. We must trust the Holy Spirit to direct and accomplish His will in each family according to His direction. I do see God doing miracles in so many families and that in all sorts of situations, righteousness can abound when parents or a mom is focused on this as a central goal for her life. And none of our families will look exactly alike.

Yet, high Biblical standards must be embraced when Satan is at war with the souls, minds and consciences of this generation of youth.

But no matter your educational choice, or if you must work, building a godly legacy will require hard work, giving up of your self, sacrificing your time--as all great tasks require great sacrifice. What we sow we will reap.

So when I see a group of young moms, who don't seem to have anyone building into their lives, or giving them encouragement, wisdom or help, my heart breaks.  Cultural voices are available to give moms all sorts of input that will in many cases lead their children astray, and to this, I react deeply in my heart.

I feel a bigger stewardship to do whatever I can to get the messages out, training in more places, the sweet grace of the influence of a godly woman, into as many minds and hearts of moms as I can. And of course, I especially I long for churches, and Christian leaders,  to step up to the bat to be brave and forthright in holding forth the truth of scripture in these areas.

Malachi says of the priests who followed after God's heart, "True instruction was in his mouth, and unrighteousness was not found on his lips; he walked with me in peace and uprightness and he turned many back from iniquity. For the lips of the priest should preserve knowledge, and men should seek instruction from his mouth; for He is a messenger of the Lord of Hosts." (2: 6-7)

Our leaders, our older women, should be holding up God's standards--their lips should preserve knowledge, including in this area of the Biblical call of family.

The church at large and Christian leaders should be the biggest champions of the Biblical, historical role of mothers and of the design of the family to be responsible for the values of their family.

I just long for more--more help, more support, more input, more inspiring conviction, more wisdom to be valiantly, passionately taught about the role of "mothers" in the lives of their children.

As we would never expect to throw seeds out into the wind and expect it to become a beautiful garden, so we cannot throw our children out into the winds of culture and expect them to become people of great character and faith. Especially when media, values, television, movies, magazines, cultural values at large, take marriage, purity, godly character  lightly--and in the opposite direction, promote adulation of actors, athletes, musicians whose lifestyles are immoral and vain.

And yet, when God places a child into our arms, it is one of the most significant treasures we will ever be given--because what we do to invest in our children's lives will influence the course of history and the history of our children's lives and future generations. God will hold us responsible, us as parents--not church, school, society--but us, responsible to pass on God's truth and design, and righteousness into the next generation.

And so, my heart is to help all moms, whatever their puzzle, to encourage them to do the hard thing--to take the time, whatever is costs to be that person in their children's lives, who gives them an appetite for God and the things of God, to do the work of making their home a place of real life and beauty and truth and celebrated relationships, so that when they enter the gates of heaven, they can say to Jesus, "I did all that I could to whisper into the ears of my children the truths and secrets of the kingdom of heaven and to pass on a love for you." (what does it profit a mom to gain the whole world and lose the soul of her child.)

And so I long for the Christian arena, not to be a place of conflict in supporting this calling, but a place where the significance of this calling is being upheld and taught. And of course there are many places where this is happening. But I would love to know what you feel about this and what you have experienced. I want to encourage moms to take up their place in this battle for the souls.

CALLING ALL MENTORS

Calling all mentors to step up and take notice and help a generation of mamas who need our help to raise a godly generation. I am in—how about you?

This ends our book study of Desperate. I hope you have been encouraged. Now, may God equip each of you to fulfill his great call for you as moms--to build a godly generation right in your home. And may He bless you abundantly and fulfill your deep longings in the process. All my heart out to you!

  

The Family Table--Life celebrated and shared

Homemade, oatmeal, honey wheat bread. Concocted from many years of experimenting.......simple comfort at the table!

Tonight, candles lit, music softly playing, the four of us sat down to dinner with a sigh and comfort for the familiar celebration each day. Nightly, we look forward to sharing in community, personally round a 60 year old family table that has born memories, birthdays, devotions, sadnesses shared, and love given generously. Feasting is what my boys called it last year when they wistfully anticipated home for the holidays.

What do you boys miss the most, I asked, curious to know just what home meant to them. It's the sitting around the family table, laughing, talking, arguing, defending, sharing life around real food and with people who understand you.

Both boys said that few of their friends ever had the family table like this. Few of my friends like to talk and share deeply from thoughts and convictions, both boys shared. That is what we can't wait for--the life of our Clarkson community of family.

One of the reasons I think our children are so articulate and highly convicted is that every night, since they were little, our habit was to pray for dinner, serve mostly real food, and then talk and talk and tell about our days, thoughts, happenings in the world. Thousands of hours of discussion and engaging their minds. Clay would often ask them what they had learned or what they liked about the books we were reading and that was all that was needed for long, long talking and talking fests.

Of course, when they were little there were lots of glasses of the proverbial spilled milk and fussing--and some even into their teen years. But mostly, shared life tied the invisible strings of love and shared life binding one heart to another and built a foundation of Clarkson community--just a shared meal and time--the secret to much of our closeness. Intentionally planned but well enjoyed now by all.

Oh, no! I hear snow is expected again this Saturday, so this is an easy and hearty meal that we might just have this coming snowy night!

When other parts of my life seem a little off, I make bread and then I feel like I have done something to add to our day!  Loaves of bread hot from the oven, sitting until they're completely cooled and ready to be sliced and wrapped up--or until someone comes and starts nibbling, which happens much sooner than the cooling does!

One of my family's favorite meals is when I make homemade chicken soup on our bread days. I learned some of the techniques I use while living in Europe. Since it's a chilly, bundle up and snuggle down sort of season, this makes the perfect dinner!

Often, I will boil a whole frozen bag or two of chicken breasts as I can then freeze them in small containers and I have an instant meal. I also do this with hamburger, turkey, and brown rice!

So here's a recipe I love for these sort of days.

Homemade Chicken Soup

2-4 cups chopped, cooked chicken breast

2 cups diced/cooked red or idaho potatoes

3 cps frozen peas and carrots (or one bag frozen peas and carrots)

1 tsp garlic

1 medium chopped onion

1 Tbs French herbs ... thyme, parsley, rosemary combined or to taste. I like a lot!

2 Tbs. olive oil or butter

1/2 cup wine (cooking wine is fine)

1 tsp salt (or to taste)

a few twists pepper

4-5 cups water

3 cps frozen peas and carrots

2 Tbs butter

1 1/2 tsp chicken bouillon (without MSG!)

1/3 cup flour

2 cups milk

Boil the veggies, potatoes and chicken in the water until cooked through, (simmer for 20-30 minutes.).

While the veggies and chicken are cooking, saute garlic, onion and herbs in olive oil or butter in another pan.

Add 1/3 cup of flour to the chicken bouillon,  and stir until all the lumps are gone.  Stir constantly over medium heat until all the lumps have disappeared. Add milk until combined and thickened and then add the wine. Slowly add milk mixture to soup mixture, stirring as it thickens.

Enjoy! Sometimes to make it prettier, I put a dollap of sour cream and a sprinkle of chives or herbs on top.

We like to serve this with croutons, toast and applesauce!

And of course it is a simple recipe, and you may add brown rice, noodles instead of potatoes, if you prefer, and other veggies, even omit the milk and just put the bouillon right into the soup mixture ... whatever you have on hand, and whatever sounds good!

Hope you enjoy! And take the time to feast.

Oh no, teens are coming! Preparing to conquer with grace!

There is a window of time when children are little and are dependent upon their parents, believe everything they say and want to please them. This season of innocence and trust passes so quickly This is the time to prepare their hearts to be ready for the years when they will naturally, designed by God, begin to seek independence of thought and convictions.

All teens, in order to grow into adulthood strong and ready to face life, must test what they have been taught and own what they really believe. It is the passage between childhood and adulthood. These years--be they preteen or teen, come far too quickly. Maneuvering this transition with wisdom and faith is essential to coming through at the other end with a relationship still intact.

Living by faith in our family meant an ever-growing understanding of His presence in the life of our children  and in our home. We deeply loved and related to our children, and consequently, in their teen years, we found that our relationships were founded on trust after a lifetime of building it that way.

Sympathy goes a long way in teen years. Teens want to be affirmed, loved and accepted by others their age--it is a healthy part of straining towards adulthood to become independent and stand on their own two feet. And yet it is a growing process.

Use words of life and encourage, love and accept your children, even more intentionally than before.

Teens are having thoughts about sex, girls and boys, and mysterious developments in their bodies that sometimes make them feel overwhelmed and distracted. Make sure to remember this and to ask yourself what is going on inside, not just outside your children.

If you have talked to them about everything in the world before they become teens--developed a trust relationship where they can confide things--fears, thoughts, negative feelings, doubts about God, without you reacting in fear or giving them guilt, then they will probably want to talk to you about the mysterious issues of a teenage life and you will be their ally.

But if they think you will get mad, make fun of them, yell, not understand, then often they will seek the input of others--and those others may not have your values. So teen years are the time to deeply work on building that trust relationship--so that you will always know what is going on. Better yet, start working on it when they are tiny so they will naturally come to you.

Don't ever say, "My children will never do such and such!" Beware--it is a very challenging world out there for teens and young adults, and pride goes before a fall!  And they need you to walk beside them every step and to be very involved, to help protect them from unnecessary scars and to help them make wise decisions. All of us fail in some ways in our lives, so be sure to exhibit and express that your children can always come to you with anything and then prove to them that you can be trusted by listening, not reacting, and helping them with a gentle spirit.

Hormones throw preteens and teens into a slump of regressing, at times, because the hormones disrupt the familiar patterns of their body and brains! Moodiness, sleeping longer, emotional bouts over seemingly little things, are a norm with kids going through hormones. Not to mention all of the sexual changes, which are of incredible magnitude. Many times a mom is tempted to become exasperated and angry at the child, as though it is a willful choice. But since all of my four children went through this passage with such issues, though expressed in different ways, I could be more rational and not take it personally.

Many moms say that from one day to the next, their children change---Hormones!

And sometimes the passages feel a little like the toddler years. You are supposed to be the mature one who doesn't yell and become emotional--but the humorous fact is that often when moms have teens, they are reversing in their own hormones and often have emotional and angry bouts themselves.

Grace, strong heartedness and love covers a multitude of sin!

Teen years are the making of the child into an adult and the humbling of the parent who realizes they never were in control of their children! But it also makes for forming great adult friendships that will give back to you the rest of their lives. Take heart and a deep breath and expect to see God's grace and provision in new ways--and above all, don't let it get you down. It is a normal process for all of history--the reason Solomon wrote Proverbs to teens,  and the means through which many adults become more humble and compassionate for others.

Take Heart! :)

Join Sarah Mae today for her last blog on Desperate! Don't go the road without a friend and find a mentor!

You Can't Win the Race if You Don't Submit to the Reins! Way #4

Nathan loved the story of the Black Stallion--a stunning, wild, untamed, powerful, jet-black horse that eventually became one of the fastest horses alive, or so the story goes!

When Nathan was a little boy and I would have to discipline him, I would explain, "Nathan, a great race horse like the Black Stallion had such potential to win a blue ribbon in races against all of the horses in the world. But until this strong, wild horse learned to submit to the reins of the jockey, it was just a wild horse with potential. To be able to run the race, he had to submit himself to the direction of the master, and accept the reins. Natie, you are like that great wild stallion--so much potential to be a champion--but you have got to learn to accept the reins of our discipline so that you can run your race in life like a champion!"

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Cuddled up on the couch, squished together in rapt attention, there were teachable moments as my children would look with wide eyes and open hearts when I would read them tales of conquerors and heroes--those who gave the strength of their lives to bettering or redeeming the world. Oh, how they loved great stories! And when their little imaginations were captured with those stories, I would seize the moment and say,

"To become a world class champion requires struggle, discipline, commitment and the will to submit to the process of developing greatness, and I believe that God has created each one of you to be a champion for His kindgom in your lifetime. I wonder how you are going to be used by God to change your world for the better?

Maybe one of you will be a great writer like C.S.Lewis, or a great composer like Handel when he wrote the Messiah! Or a war hero, or a missionary, or doctor--there are no limitations to what God can do through normal people who submit to His training and live by the power of His spirit inside of us!"

Discussions of bravery, sacrifice, honor, submission to life lessons would ensue and these were the moments when the souls of my children were formed.

"What do you think it costs to become a great soldier?" I would ask.

"What if you were called to be a great writer--what kind of discipline would that take?"

"What if God wanted you to write great music that would encourage and comfort people all over the world? How would you become the best?"

And so on--capturing their imaginations with the principles of discipline was a part of inspiring them to submit to our discipline, training and instruction.

Of course, much of training is repetition, over and over and over and talking all along the way.

Yet, reaching the heart with training is as much inspiration as it is training. Both are necessary--training in truth and wisdom, practicing submitting to that training--but knowing that with the submission comes a reward.

God does not arbitrarily issue us commandments to be hard on us. His commandments, which must be obeyed, are for our best--to protect us, to bless us, to cause us happiness and to help us become the best we can be.

Understanding that bravery, heroism, greatness, --a champion made, comes from submitting to training and to discipline, is a truth that will allow all children and all adults to be teachable and trainable to greatness.

Family Way # 4

"We listen to correction and accept discipline with a submissive spirit."

Memory verse "All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness."

It seemed we had to learn to use this "way" often in the discipline and training of our children. "Our goal is for you to learn to obey. When you learn to obey mom and dad, you will practice becoming a trained child so that you will be able to hear God's voice and be able to obey Him."

If obedience is secured only through force, instead of securing the heart--and the imagination of the heart-- then the obedience will only take place when force is exerted. Many wonderful children have entered the world to find it a place of great temptation and allure. There are no guarantees of what choices our children will make or what their path will be.

However, I think for our own children, having a vision of why they needed to submit--to understand that choosing to obey shaped their own ability to become strong inside in order to become someone morally strong and powerful to bring righteousness into the world--greatly enhanced their desire to actually do the submitting.

Just today, I was talking to one of my older children. They were talking about how so many of their friends "posed" as believers, yet their lives were a constant stream of compromises.

The goal of our training in asking our children to submit to discipline and to listen to our correction, wasn't just the behavior secured, but it was to help our children develop a responsive and teachable heart, so that they would choose to bow their knee to God's ways, when we were with them and when they were alone.

They developed their own internal sense of wanting to become disciplined, trained adults who could pursue ideals of excellence for their Lord, because the motivation of their hearts had been secured.

And so we told many stories of soldiers, athletes, missionaries, other heroes and explained that discipline and submission was the pathway to strength and character and we were their best cheerleaders as we trained, corrected and encouraged them toward the vision of owning their lives to become someone who would have a great contribution to make in their world.

What is your child's God-given personality?

What motivates their heart?

How are you painting a vision for the person they will become when they learn to "take the reins?"

Used blog 3/27/21 Sowing seeds of faith, righteousness and waiting for the crop

"Sow with a view to righteousness, Reap in accordance with kindness."

Hosea 10:12

I have always loved fields of wildflowers. Seems to me when I see fields and fields of the beauty, (and blue is my favorite color), I almost feel like it is evidence of the invisible hands of God still planting flowers in His gardens to remind us that He is still creating and perpetuating life, even when we are not aware.

When looking at a tiny seed, it is impossible to see what will bloom from this minute speck of nothing, -the color it will produce, the bloom or fruit, or how large the plant will be. There is vast potential locked within, that under the right circumstances--planted in good soil, watered and covered in sunshine, a miracle will happen. The seed transforms into something more than itself--it gives birth to a plant that blooms and brings beauty, life, color and a fruit--and this is a miracle-almost something out of nothing.

And so, God calls us to sow--to sow broadly, generously, diligently.

Sometimes the seeds that He requires us to sow, do not obviously promise anything--yet, we are asked to believe in the potential--the latent miracles inside of these small life-seeds.

We are to sow with a view to righteousness--not seeing or knowing totally the vast potential of what is in our hands. But ours is to be faithful to sow, by faith, the seeds of promise given to us--

to cast the seed of promise into the soil of life, generously, diligently, faithfully--

And His is to do the miracle-

To take all of the planting of faith seeds, and love seeds, and integrity seeds, and faithfulness seeds, into the moments of our lives when no one else is looking;

faithfulness to the gospel and spreading the good news;

serving our children, and loving and helping our spouses;

praying and believing when no sprout of answer is in sight.

And yet, in time, in His hands,

there will be such a bounty of beauty, a harvest from the seeds planted in life, that we will finally see, that

He was creating the miracle right beside us--the seeds will indeed sprout into a harvest of righteousness and redemption that will be beyond what we could have imagined.

But, the harvest of such sowing is only for those who plant, and water and cultivate and wait, by faith, believing in the promise of what lays ahead.

So, dear God, let us look at the flowers you have planted and see the potential beautiful harvest of our lives, if we will only believe in the seed potential in our lives right now,

which by faith will become a harvest of righteousness beyond measure.

Home Is ... Defining the Living Art of Home-life (Desperate Chapter 13)

Auguste Renoir

"The wise woman builds her home; the foolish woman with her own hands tears it down." Proverbs 14:1

Today we are on Chapter 13 of Desperate - Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe.

I think all mamas are artists. Women have such a gift and talent for making "place" warm, inviting, an environment that says "welcome." In a world where fast food is standard; toys are molded from plastic, relationships are virtual; and accountability little, we must all ask God to reinvigorate our imagination to understand and perceive what He designed and crafted life to be like, so that we may bring not just doctrine, but the tangible reality of Him into the life and ways of our home.

The life of Jesus should be electric--infused with excitement, meaning, purpose, fulfillment, love and excellence of character. Jesus calls his creation to be beautiful, a reflection of His own artistry.

And so we become co-creators---creating with him the reality of His life lived through all the moments of home life. This has become one of my most fulfilling tasks--the building of my home into a sanctuary of all that is excellent about the living, breathing God.

And now after so many years, I have seen the fruit of planning and building on my ideals as so many have found Him here, including my children. And so many have come to understand truth and compassion by just celebrating life here.

As I reviewed this chapter in Desperate on the Art of Life, I realized, it is still a love of mine--and now also of my children, who long to come home to the place where life is the most satisfying, pleasing, fun and peaceful--because it is the place where they were shaped and loved.

From time to time, I would craft purpose statements for myself as I would enter into a new year. Sometimes these would become descriptions of what I thought a family should be. Others, I would write about deeply bonding, loving relationships.

These goal-setting, purpose driven statements gave me a pathway to go forward on in crafting as an artist the beauty I wanted to create in my home.

But, even as a great house or an estate would require a vast and detailed plan--the colors, the interior decor, the garden, the toys that would fill the house, --in order to build it, so it is helpful to write down a vision of what it is you are building in order to be able to build it.

If you can't define it, you will not build it. Here is something I wrote about what I wanted my home to be-and the items to showcase and  and habits and values I would build into the life of my home.

Here is a part of what I wrote. What would you change or how would you define the home you are building?

Helen Allingham

Home is the foundation upon which great civilizations are built. It is the sacred dwelling where souls are forged, humans have great value and children are cherished and marriage is regarded  as holy.

Home is the place where virtue is shaped: minds are fed on great ideas, truth, and beauty, the finest of writing, the clearest of thinking, the food of thoughtfulness and insight are intentionally disseminated and  protected every day.

Home is the place where moral excellence is modeled, learned, practiced, upheld and honored daily; where innocence is allowed to grow, where holiness is prized, and cynicism is kept at bay.

Home is the place where faith is practiced, cherished, embraced, and reflected in the very breath of life throughout all the days lived in fellowship with those who abide there.

Home is the haven of inspiration, where the art of life is expressed and taught. Color is strewn into every corner, delectable food is tasted, art, books, and beauty crafted throughout the scenery of its rooms and walls.

Home is the place where the whispers of God's love are heard regularly, the touch of His hands are given intentionally throughout the day, the words of His encouragement and affirmation pointed to lay the foundation of loving relationships.

Home is the place where stories of heroism, sacrifice, love and redemption are celebrated and embraced and heard, so they can shape the dreams of the souls who live there.

Home is a place of ministry and the gifting and giving of redeeming words, thoughts, actions, and love to all who come inside its doors.

Home ties invisible strings to the hearts of children who live there to a history forged together, to a heritage defined and celebrated, to a calling that is shared with the name.

Home is the bedroom of family, that decides the destiny and definition of the life of future generations.

Home, the place designed by God to be the laboratory of righteousness and divine calling for each one whose life was fearfully and wonderfully made.

What a grand and auspicious work a woman is called to, how significant and far reaching her building encompasses when she understands the breadth of  her work of building generations in this place called home.

How do you picture the art of home life?

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