Mentoring Monday Making Soul Deposits with Words aimed at the Heart

April 19, a historic day--Nathan's birthday

Gentle breezes fluttered the blooming white rose bushes as the pink and gold light of the setting sun began to reflect on the windows of the ocean side patio. A sumptuous favorite boy-meal of grilled steak, baked potatoes, grilled corn on the cobb, and all the trimmings had been eaten with relish. But the best part was yet to come. A perfect evening as a setting for a poignant memory that would last a life-time.

Thoughtful friends had invited our family to come to their California home for the evening of Nathan's birthday so that we could be together to celebrate his special day since the year before international travels for the rest of us had left him quite alone.

Nathan lives in a very challenging place where Christianity is ridiculed, immorality is freely accepted, excused and practiced, and young adults are tempted to fall away from the faith they learned of God in their homes, now far away from home. Hollywood......

Yet, the treasure chest deep in Nathan's soul, is filled with gems that shine and bring brightness to him in his dark moments that help carry him through these passages of the choices he has to make every day to keep walking with God.

What are these gems?

Words--thousands and thousands of them--words that he stored up in the deep recesses of his conscience, soul and heart

Words about how much we loved him, valued him, believed in him, words from scripture, words in personally hand written notes, emailed words, texted words, words prayed over him, with him--and of course our habit of spoken words in the presence of each other for many years.

And so, Nathan was deeply appreciative and genuinely excited and so very thankful to have our family gathered to invest more rare treasures that he might have for the coming year.

We quieted ourselves and began one of our favorite family traditions. Each birthday, each family member (and friends who want to participate), tell the birthday person why they appreciate them, how they have seen them grow, how they have been blessed or encouraged, ways they have observed godly character being exhibited through their lives and ways they are thankful for that special one being celebrated. Each year, the ritual has become more precious and personal.

Joel began and mentioned integrity by staying faithful to God, taking initiative and exercising faith to write his own script in Hollywood and to take a risk in order to put out honoring material onto the screen in Hollywood. We all lavished our best words onto his heart--our love for him, how dear a friend he is to all of us and the ways he shows it, and on and on. As with each year, I could fairly see Nathan's heart fill to bursting, his eyes softening and his sweet man smile responding to us. But this year, I could tell he needed these life-giving words even more.

Finally, we asked him what was most on his heart and how he wanted us to intercede for him.

Gathering closer as the darkness of night penetrated the soft voices of our sharing, we gathered around him and placed our hands on his back, to touch him as we prayed before the throne of God on behalf of Nathan's deepest heart desires and live dreams. Prayer for his life, his future, his movie, his walk with God, his friendships, spiritual growth followed the sharing of love, as each year we dedicate the birthday child's year into God's hands with blessing and faith.

Nathan on his 24th birthday night this month.

“Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be.”  ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Words have power, the ability to influence, to inspire.

They also have the ability to demolish, destroy, discourage, to tear down faith.

How important it is that this ideal of training our children to true, godly, heart-filling words as a way of life is practiced and reached as they grow up in our homes, with life-giving words surrounding their every day.

All of our children have faced many temptations, challenges, discouragements and loneliness as they have forayed out into the world to work or go to school. And yet they go with messages stored up that speak to their minds in the midst of all the moments of challenge.

Words of life, light and love can be such an anchor to what matters to our children when they are out in the storms of life.

Many people think nice thoughts about those they love. Yet even as the 10 blind men were healed but only one returned to thank Jesus, so many people neglect to practice saying words and so the hearts of our children often bear their burdens in isolation.

Practicing saying words of love and life start with the mom who is training her children. It requires a plan. But teaching and training our children (and husbands!) to be comfortable with expressing these important words starts with habits and traditions of giving words of blessing often.

Writing cards, emails, texts of love and short thanks for what you did today.

Leaving notes on pillows

Writing on bathroom mirrors.

Having dinner times of, "Let's tell one person in this room something we appreciate about him today."

Teaching your children to give grace when they feel like giving a curse. (I have taught my children in times of anger, to learn to write down at least 3 things about the offender that they appreciate.

Having a peace-making couch. Making your children sit on the couch, not being able to leave, until they have made peace, said words of forgiveness, and told each other at least 3 things they appreciate about each other before they can get up.

Practicing praying aloud with each other on a daily basis. (Also practicing every day thanking God and appreciating Him for what He has done.

Words bring life, but it is rare that people actually take initiative to say all of the words of love and appreciation they should be saying.

Marriages need daily words of love and appreciation to grow through the dark moments.

Depression needs reason to hope by hearing "Why I believe in you. Why you are not a failure. Why I sympathize with you. Why you are a blessing, words."

That is why this 24 Family Way is so very important:

Way # 6 We encourage one another, using only words that build up and bless others."

 Memory Verse: Do not let any unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that is will give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29

We were often heard to say, "Did your words give grace?" And then, what should you have said instead--what is a gracious word? Apologize.

Crassness, sarcasm and cynicism is rampant in our society. If we can joke or make fun of everything and anyone without regard to a need for respect or civility, then we diminish our ability to become gracious.

Training your children to become considerate of their words takes training, tradition, habits, and practice. James tells us that the tongue is like a fire that can burn and destroy. And so, all the more, it is important for us to practice and train our children (and ourselves) to becoming aware of giving gracious words as a product of our lives.

Nathan left our presence filled up anew with the assurance that a whole community of Clarksons believes in him, supports him, loves him, prays for him, because he heard all of us take the time to say it out-loud with him and then to say it over him in God's presence.

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Need a maid? And Aslan is on the move in Sarah's Life: Wheaton, Oxford, Scotland? hmmm

My Sweet Sarah in Oxford amongst all of the books.

Dreaming out-loud with our children from the time they were tiny was something we practiced regularly as parents. We would say,

"God is such an artist and He has made you with a very special personality, skills, interests, with your own story. I can't wait to see how He will use you to change your world. You are so very special."

And yet, we had no idea of how our children would take to our training, our words, encouragement and love. God is so good to take our fish and loaves and make them into a miracle.

Watching the seeds grow, the seeds that we had so faithfully planted in the lives of our children, has been one of the most exciting and fulfilling accomplishments of our lives.

Recently, Sarah's life has been greatly in bloom.

From the first moment of Sarah's birth, I adored her. At 31, I was so happy to finally be able to hold my sweet little one and it seems from the very first, we were kindred spirits. We always have been.

One thing that marked Sarah from the time she was small was her love for words, her penchant to read, her hunger to learn, her love of writing. She is a natural student, but when she graduated from high school at 16, she was offered a book contract by a Christian publisher. She wrote and published her first book, and set her on a path of writing, travel with us in the ministry, and a time of adventuring all over the world.

I love how our hearts and souls have been shaped together in the past years. Books shared, cups of tea, friends known, international travel; I literally could not have made it through these years without her friendship and companionship. We are kindred spirits through and through. She is a delightful friend of my soul.

But she has always been an academic at heart. Along the way, a publisher heard her speak on literature and children's authors and immediately gave her a contract for a guide to children's literature. She continued to travel and speak, to master the art of writing, and always, she continued to read. Her ability to weave words into heart-touching beauty is truly a gift.

Last year, one of her dreams finally came true. She was able to be a student in Oxford for a semester, and she came alive in a culture where others read and thought and discussed ideas with a relish equal to her own. When she returned, she had a new dream and a strong determination in her soul.

With fortitude, she began to look for the best way to finish her undergraduate degree. Now, she is beginning that path, as you will see below. And I know she hopes to continue on to a Masters degree, and maybe even a Ph.D if that is the story and road God takes her on.

As a mom, I can see how perfectly God has worked to bring her to this point. I am so very happy for her to be able to pursue more of her dreams, so glad that she will be able to encourage and influence even more people with the life-changing writing and ideas God has begun to develop in her life.

So I thought you might want to hear from her own heart just what is happening. I know so many of you have heard Sarah speak over the years, so I wanted to share with you what is unfolding in this "new era" of her life. I will miss my kindred spirit-traveling companion, but love seeing the doors of her life opening wide with opportunity. Here is what Sarah shared yesterday on her blog: Thoroughlyalive.com:

My New Era

“How many a man has dated a new era in his life from the reading of a book.” -Henry David Thoreau

New eras begin with new ideas, as Thoreau well knew. He spent a lifetime writing the kinds of books that might arrest a man mid-step, shake him to the core of his soul and set a new road at his feet. Sometimes, you can read something so powerful, so exactly sating to the hunger or hope of your particular soul that it sets a new path at your feet and changes the course of your journey. Thoreau knew it and these days, so do I.

Friends, I’m about to start a new era. The time has come and the choice is made. At 29 years of age, I’m finally heading off to college. I’ve been accepted to Wheaton College (near Chicago) and I’ll begin my studies in English and Philosophy this fall. Wish me grace as I go?

The book that prompted this change? Well, it wasn’t really just one. I suppose you could say it was the Bodleian itself and every stack of books I ordered for every essay and all the old libraries in Oxford that instigated this decision. But the books that really sparked it all were the ones I read through my C.S. Lewis tutorial, books that explored the “truth-bearing faculty” of imagination (as Malcolm Guite says). When I read Lewis’ Surprised by Joy one rainy day, and understood that we may know what is Real through observation and reason, but also and equally through imagination and experience, through a beauty that speaks in a “language without words,” I sat up straight in my library chair and knew that heightened air of a newborn era.

You see, I’ve spent most of my life trying to understand the truth that came to me through imagination. In the stories I have read, the music I have heard, through the hours I have spent in creation, I have known something true about God that has been the foundation of my faith. Beauty has spoken to me of spiritual reality since childhood, and I knew it was truth even though the knowing came through a language without words. The stories I read deeply shaped my interior world, widening my capacity to enter the story of God. But I never felt quite able to argue for the power of the imagination as equal to that of logic and reason.

As I studied in Oxford, I finally began to realize that in Western culture, we generally place the highest value on what we know through Reason, on the truths that are quantifiable, easily counted and observed. We tend to denigrate the knowledge of imagination and experience because it is something received, a presence that is subjective, interior, known only from within. Because of this, we think of beauty and the arts as peripheral to the spiritual, a by-product of holiness, rather than something that powerfully communicates it to us. But Lewis explained to me that this is a lop-sided view. Language is simply another set of symbols pointing back, along with imagination and creation, to what is ultimately Real.

Read the rest of her story here and be sure to cast dreams in the heart of your children!

And don't forget! Today is the last day to enter the giveaway!

If you have been wanting to start a book club or group in your church using Desperate, now would be a great time to get the books! If you buy five *paperback* copies of Desperate this week (through Friday) you can get the Desperate DVD for FREE! And if you're one of the first 50 to purchase five books, you also get these lovely Redeemed - Everything Beautiful Earrings!

Go HERE (or your favorite store) to get the books! Then just take a picture or scan your receipt and send it to: desperatebook@thomasnelson.com

Giveaway!

Up for grabs are...

• Five copies of Desperate
• The Desperate DVD
• A Vintage Pearl "breathe" necklace
• A yummy Yankee candle (your choice of scent!), and...
• $100 towards a maid service!

To enter, just fill out the form below!

Also, here is a peek at what the videos are like:

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Education is a mandate, not a choice.

Renoir

Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use  to change the world.

Nelson Mandela

Recently, I was in a meeting, observing some leaders who were making important decisions about urgent responsibilities that needed to be managed by some new employees of this organization. An elderly CEO, an advisor of the other leaders in the room said,

"The problem is, most younger college graduates who are applying for these positions are ill prepared to take on such responsibility.  They have not read broadly on many subjects or world view and so they have almost no perspective of historical issues. Because they are media dependent, they are subject to believing popular views espoused in media. Raised on television and entertained to death, with a constant appetite for movies, their opinions are shallow and reactionary. Thinking clearly and well and synthesizing ideas from reading profoundly and exposing themselves to great thinkers is clearly not even a part of their training or a part of their daily habit or routine. Add to that a lack of character training and an inability to work hard and long through difficult seasons of work, and you will find it almost impossible to find an excellent candidate who can handle such important responsibilities. "

Though, obviously, many do graduate from college with excellent abilities, this statement is generally true about many young college graduates. Educational tests have shown a constant drop in academic abilities.

I feel so strongly that we live in a more and more ignorant world of people who are easily led as sheep to slaughter because they follow others rather than think for themselves. Ignorance and mental weakness brings poverty of soul and ultimately of life. This is a dangerous description adults when there is no valued wisdom, experience, academic prowess and character. When the adults are lacking, it follows that the children will have no excellent food for thought upon which to train and feed their brains.

Scripture commands us to,

"Worship God with our minds." 

God has created human beings to have a great capacity to use their brains to understand, learn, study, comprehend, create, invent, debate. And so one of the stewardships we have as moms is to take responsibility for our children's minds. God will hold all of us accountable for how we were faithful to shape and train their minds for his glory. It is one of the equal ways we are commanded to worship God. It is a glory to God when we seek to fill and expand our brains to be superior in thinking skills.

It is also a glory of a woman to be disciplined in her ability to think well and to articulate ideas and truth well. It exalts God, even as Mary did when she gave her magnificat.

No matter what educational choice a family makes, it is still the parent's responsibility to be a steward of their children's minds.

Like a muscle that needs to be stretched and used over and over again to become strong, so our brains must be stretched and exercised to become mentally and academically strong.

We must teach our children how to think correctly about:

God, His attributes, His character, His word, so that they can have a true understanding and love for who God is.

Biblical morality, so that they can build their lives on true foundations for relationships, choices, foundations for living.

Wisdom, and understanding so that they can learn to stand strong on their own to resist the ways that culture calls to them.

Read to them and help them fall in love with reading and books so that they will have a big vocabulary, a large understanding of the world, be versed in knowing how to think about ideas, facts, religion, politics, languages and all facets of education.

The leaders of the world are most often those who are well educated to think well and clearly.

How important it is, then, that we as moms, take the time to become the best educated we can be. I am not referring to degrees from college. Degrees do not necessarily determine a person's ability to think, or to influence.

But we must be readers, students of the Word, interacting with wisdom, and learning how to reason and defend our faith and ideals, so that we will have the internal resources to build our children into world leaders.

So, throughout history, when women attend to the education of their own minds and souls, and that of their children, a country flourishes for having foundations of intelligence, wisdom and truth in every arena.

Hopefully, I can begin writing more about educational issues that will help encourage many of you as you seek to influence your children's minds. Having influence on my children's minds has been one of the most fulfilling tasks I have ever enjoyed. The fruit in their lives has catalyzed the growth in my own.

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A Heart of Gentleness

Modlacy Sie Starzec

 “Two men went up into the temple to pray,

one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 

The Pharisee stood and was praying this to himself:

‘God, I thank You that I am not like other people: swindlers, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector.  I fast twice a week; I pay tithes of all that I get.’ 

But the tax collector, standing some distance away, was even unwilling to lift up his eyes to heaven,

but was beating his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, the sinner!’  

I tell you, this man went to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted.”

Where does a woman find the ability to be gentle, to show mercy and understanding and compassion?

When she understands that her heart is selfish, prone to making bad choices, and she understands that she herself is fragile, then she will extend the grace she wishes to others she loves.

If a mama understands that her children, like her, are going to make mistakes, have accidents, show the dark heart of sin, she will not condemn them harshly for being so. Instead, from a heart that knows she does not deserve the grace and love of Jesus, but receives it nonetheless, she will extend her patience and mercy and gentleness to her children to show them the real heart of Jesus.

She will still teach and train and correct as Jesus did, but gentleness and compassion come from a humbled heart.

You see, showing gentleness and mercy comes from a heart that recognizes the need for gentleness and mercy for herself.

*****************************************************************************

A Special Deal!

If you have been wanting to start a book club or group in your church using Desperate, now would be a great time to get the books! If you buy five *paperback* copies of Desperate this week (through Friday) you can get the Desperate DVD for FREE!

Go HERE (or your favorite store) to get the books! Then just take a picture or scan your receipt and send it to: desperatebook@thomasnelson.com

Giveaway!

Up for grabs are...

• Five copies of Desperate
• The Desperate DVD
• A Vintage Pearl "breathe" necklace
• A yummy Yankee candle (your choice of scent!), and...
• $100 towards a maid service!

To enter, just fill out the form below!

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Worry, Worry, Worry--What Do You Worry About??

For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind.  2 Timothy 1:7

When my children were babies, I worried about them dying in their sleep.

When they were toddlers, I worried about them getting really sick or having a serious accident.

When they were in elementary school, I worried about my complete inadequacy as a mom and feeling like I did not know how to raise up my  kids to be Christians.

When they were in high school, I worried about them turning away from God or not following Him. (We all hear the stories about Christian kids  turning away from God. )

Worry, worry, worry.

What does it accomplish?

Sleepless nights and worry- filled days.

What if we really did what God said to do?

"But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will  not be pleased with him." Hebrews 10:38

How can we live by faith? There is so much to worry about, so much to fear.

But God says that we are to live by faith and trust Him.

He says He will help us and never leave us. He says we are not alone. He says that we are to trust Him and to pray. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

He also says not to worry about tomorrow. I love the story that Corrie Ten Boom tells about How God gives you grace one day at a time. When someone asked her how she could possibly have endured what she went through in the German concentration camps during World War 2 she said that she had the grace of God to help her.

She told the story of when she was a little girl, she would travel on the trains with her dad quite frequently. He understood that she did not need her train ticket until right before she stepped onto the train. He gave her the ticket just at the time she needed it.

Gods grace is like that train ticket. We don't get it until right when we need it. So, when we worry about tomorrow and all the things that could go wrong, we don't have God's grace to help us because we are not there yet.

How would we live our lives differently if we really believed God and His word?

God has given us everything we need- His power in us, His word, He hears our prayers,and He gives us His grace one day at a time. He knows that we want to be good Moms. He knows that we want our kids to follow Him and love Him all the days of their lives. God knows we have financial, marital, or health issues.

Jesus loves us and cares about what troubles us. He wants us to stay close and pray and trust Him.

I used to have what was called a Worry Box. I would write down what I was worried about and put it in the box and give it to God. Every once in a while, I would look back over all of the things that I had written and was always amazed at what I worried about. I feel the same when I look over my journals and prayers to God that I have written over the years. I wish I would just trust God more and walk with Him, day by day, moment by moment.

As I am approaching 50, I find myself wanting to live by faith more and to encourage my family to do the same. It is my prayer that I can live my next 35 years of my life walking with God, trusting Him more, and worrying less.

How about you? How can you start today to trust God more, pray and walk by faith? God is with you. He will help you, today and always!

Written by: Deb Weakly--my friend, co-hort in ministry and tea drinking friend!

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Remember our special this week on Desperate DVD's and our giveaways!

A Special Deal!

If you have been wanting to start a book club or group in your church using Desperate, now would be a great time to get the books! If you buy five *paperback* copies of Desperate this week (through Friday) you can get the Desperate DVD for FREE! And if you're one of the first 50 to purchase five books, you also get these lovely Redeemed - Everything Beautiful Earrings!

Go HERE (or your favorite store) to get the books! Then just take a picture or scan your receipt and send it to: desperatebook@thomasnelson.com

Giveaway!

Up for grabs are...

• Five copies of Desperate
• The Desperate DVD
• A Vintage Pearl "breathe" necklace
• A yummy Yankee candle (your choice of scent!), and...
• $100 towards a maid service!

To enter, just fill out the form below!

Also, here is a peek at what the videos are like:

 

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Desperate DVD Launch! {Giveaway: Maid Service, DVD's, Earrings, Books, Candles, and More!}

Getting Desperate in the hands of so many sweet moms has been such an adventure. We are so very grateful for all of you who have supported the spread of the news of our book. In light of that, we wanted to provide a one day special celebration, so that we can get Desperate in the hands of more mamas. You can help us spread the word, and also enter into a great giveaway! Thanks for all of your wonderful letters and messages about our book. We love and appreciate you sweet kindred spirits who have written us.

The fun just keeps on going!

A Sale!

The Kindle version of Desperate is on sale TODAY ONLY for $3.99! Get it here!

A Special Deal!

If you have been wanting to start a book club or group in your church using Desperate, now would be a great time to get the books! If you buy five *paperback* copies of Desperate this week (through Friday) you can get the Desperate DVD for FREE! And if you're one of the first 50 to purchase five books, you also get these lovely Redeemed - Everything Beautiful Earrings!

Go HERE (or your favorite store) to get the books! Then just take a picture or scan your receipt and send it to: desperatebook@thomasnelson.com

Giveaway!

Up for grabs are...

• Five copies of Desperate
• The Desperate DVD
• A Vintage Pearl "breathe" necklace
• A yummy Yankee candle (your choice of scent!), and...
• $100 towards a maid service!

To enter, just fill out the form below!

Also, here is a peek at what the videos are like:

 

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If you wait long enough, ....!

Be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for and hope for and expect the Lord!

Psalm 31: 24

So many eras I didn't think I would live through----crying babies with colic; ear infections and nocturnal asthma; hysterical fits and fusses and tantrums for never ending years, one day at a time, with a mysterious child with adhd, ocd and odd; marriage struggles between me, a totally romantic, relational woman married to a totally rational, organized man who had to work way too many hours to keep this family afloat; messes,  rejections from family for our ideals; 17 moves; loneliness, too little help or support systems; financial crisis; illnesses and hospitalizations and testings never ending; church splits; irrational people; and on and on.

Today, as I look back, I am still here, but God has changed me through it all. I am more patient with everyone, because I see how much I needed patience and still need compassion. I appreciate my faithful husband who has stuck with me through it all and has continued to dream of how we can change the world and write new books and keep this ministry afloat, (amidst him doing 4 loads of laundry last weekend, while I grocery shopped, bought birthday presents--again, and wedding presents for family).

The failures and mistakes I made gave me humility--a gift that allows one to be more appreciative of God's forgiveness, love and grace. Humility prepares one to minister to others with compassion and sympathy. Few leaders are wise without a dose of failure and having to submit to God's discipline. Children have a way of humbling mamas.

I see that I appreciate the Lord more, I am less attached to this world,  because after many disappointments, I have finally realized in my heart as well as my head, that this world is temporary, the broken place and heaven gives an anchor in the midst of taking our love for this world out of our hands.

I don't really care as much what other people's opinion of me is, because I know that I cannot please others and than my audience is the Lord. Only He can make me feel ok and centered with so much potential for failure in the eyes of someone who is looking and wanting to tell me their opinion.

I greatly enjoy my adult children as my best friends. After all of these years, our tastes were developed on the same food, movies, books, travel, spiritual experiences--Clay and I built our own kindred spirits and we all love being together.  (Maybe through all the struggles, my efforts at keeping going, training them, reading to them and telling them passionately about the Lord was really accomplishing eternal results in their hearts--but I didn't always feel like it mattered at the time when they were fussing over things like, "He touched my toe! or His piece of brownie was bigger than mine--and all of these very important issues.)  I am pretty relaxed with Joy  as a 17 year old in college, because I know the Lord will faithfully guide her, teach her, speak to her and protect her--because I have seen Him be faithful three times before now.

I often didn't think I could make it through another day, depressed, exhausted, overwhelmed. Feelings were often dark. But I had no choice but to keep putting one foot in front of the other. God knew I could make it. God breathed life into my children's souls. God taught Clay and me more about unconditional love and grace. As a good Father, the Lord was training and disciplining me, as His own child. Stretching me and building into my life, by using my own children as a soul-shaping tool. He is so good and so faithful. My family and my life became the road to my ultimate joy and freedom from the things I thought would fulfill to the things that truly fulfill. He used them to surgically remove some of the rough edges, expose the immaturity, remold my values and thoughts.

I still have my ups and downs, sometimes sadness and dark thoughts that a fallen world brings, and don't know how my children's stories will sort out, but I am more familiar with the process and the Trainer.

So, this week, though still filled with more and different kind of issues, I,

Thank you, my sweet Lord, for your wise ways, for keeping us going, for filling our souls with that which matters. Thank you that you helped me to keep going and going and waiting and waiting. How grateful I am that it is all in your good and capable hands. The sweet memories, the hope that comforts, the work that satisfies, all the things I did not know or understand when we first started. Keep me faithful and hopeful as I continue on this path of your making.

Loving well, living well! And the winners are:

Joy and Sarah, sitting on my bed giggling as I tried out clothes for a conference, soliciting their opinion.

Fun memories and horsing around on my bed--a snapshot of precious moments of "Girl's club" built on many years of cultivating our close friendships.

"In the twilight of our lives, we will be judged on how we have loved." St. John of the Cross

Ahhhhhh! Finally, after ten days, I have more than five minutes to myself! It is truly a phantom to think that any woman can do it all! I have found in my own life, that if I am attending to the needs of my children, Clay,home, close friends and family, I really have to economize and prioritize my time, as my life pretty much demands every moment of me! I do, more and more with each passing day, sense how important my role as a mother and godly woman is and I do get such joy out of it--as I daily see the results of my many years of striving toward the goal of being a woman after God's own heart and serving those around me for His glory.

Now don't get me wrong, this does not mean that I always feel loving towards these strange people who inhabit my home!

But because of my love for the Lord, which is more dear to me each year, I keep putting one step in front of the other and see, with the eyes of my heart and mind, the power of my work to fill souls with great thoughts and causes and love for God's kingdom. Mostly, though, I see more clearly how much I am a living picture of God's reality every day, by exhibiting the fruit of the spirit, by giving cups of cold, refreshing water, by serving and giving of myself and my wisdom and teaching and by always taking the initiative to speak life and joy and wisdom on a daily, regular basis.

We once had a friend who was very pious. Our family would often feel guilty when we ate dinner at her house because she made us feel that we should all be more serious, but we all felt like w had been let out of jail when we left her home.

She accomplished so much and had a pristine home, but we all felt drained being there. Her attempts to be spiritual and to pray and to "work" for God, I am convinced, was out of a heart that was striving to figure out how to really know God and serve Him sincerely. Yet, the result of all the denying of self, and speaking piously and working, working, working, left most the people in her life feeling guilty and feeling a bit cold and far off from her.

Since it is obvious she had not experienced the grace and peace of God, she could only give out of a soul of performance of works,  which brings about death to  relationship, if not infused with the grace and freedom of God. She often only spoke in religious phrases and with each passing month seemed more cold and drained of life. Just the result she wouldn't want. And eventually, she became depressed and wondered where God had gone, since she had given all of her life to Him. But honestly, God did not require that she kill herself in exhausting herself with a myriad of tasks, but all he wanted was her to know His love and to share that love in the moments of her life.

I do not wish in any way to discourage anyone or to diminish the sweet mom's devotion. Yet, sometimes, we are lost in how to really rest in God while holding up ideals. More on that soon, as I know we all sway between the Martha and Mary ways in our lives. But resting it all in His hands and not taking it all on our shoulders is a start.

As I have been pondering this situation, in contrast, I have realized that when I am in the presence of someone who really walks with God, I feel there is such an evidence of life and joy and goodness and well-being and grace and faith. God tells us when we abide in Him--rest in Him, stay in Him, walk with Him, we will bear much fruit. The fruit is a natural result of His spirit working through us, not in us trying to force push out works of righteousness on our own.

When one is washed with the unconditional love and grace and mercy of God, the result is peace and thankfulness of heart and humility. Of course the few that I can see really exhibit the life of the Lord, aren't above discouragement or humanity, but there is a palpable sense of a way of walking with God and having made a decision to please Him and to trust Him through the ups and downs of life. There is a security I feel in being with them, because I know their sails have been set toward the King and His Kingdom and I can trust in their integrity to continue journeying in the right direction with Him at the helm.

I feel a rest in my relationship with such people because I know I am safe in the hands of mature, seasoned lovers of God who will love me and accept me and point me to Him gently as we walk this road of life in fellowship.

Pondering the influence of love and gentleness and mercy and compassion the past couple of days, and how reflecting Christ's humility and unconditional love win the day.

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Sarah's picture outside where we are staying with friends, at sunset!

This week, I am in California, celebrating moments of life with dear friends, where our children will gather to celebrate Nathan's birthday, and following whatever adventures that come our way. I am so grateful.

Congratulations to the 7 Winners of Heartfelt Discipline! Thanks so very much for all who entered!

Carrie Dulin

Michelle W.

K C Cooper

Chesnye  Steward

Colleen Garcia

Jessica Hoffman

Brandle Brown

I will be emailing all of you to get your addresses. I hope you are blessed by Clay's book!

Moving from Despair to Hopefulness

Vincent Van Gogh

Sadness can sometimes overwhelm us and seem to rain deep, abiding darkness over our hearts. Mamas carry so very much on their shoulders in this very fallen place. I am so deeply sorry for the events of today in Boston, and Iraq. My heart has gone out to them and my prayers for their comfort have been flying from my heart all day.I wish I could take a meal, embrace and comfort one of these precious ones.

In no way, do I want to diminish the suffering of so many dear ones who are in the throes of tragedy.

Yet, I have seen in so many tragic situations where woman seem to have this innate ability to mount up over dire circumstances to bring hope, redemption and life in the midst.

Faith is the glory of a woman when she could choose to fear, or quit or despair, but instead chooses to believe against all odds.

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1

We take it in our hearts to choose hope--hope that our faith will be justified, because we believe that God is real, He is loving, He is powerful and He will have the last word.

“Only a Christian has a right to hope, for only he has the power of God to give substance to his hope…Earth is bearable because there is hope."

A.W. Tozer

Throughout history, the battle between light and darkness has ebbed and flowed with horrible acts of violence and wickedness being perpetrated on undeserving, innocent lives. But stories have also been told of the many heroes who entered into such battle and stood in harms way to protect those who were frail, to battle against evil and to stand forth for the right.

It seems that the incidents of violence, tragedy and killings have filled the stories of our lives in this century. Even in the past few months, our family has been surrounded by a  several untimely deaths of precious ones who have taken their lives at too early an age.

We have all felt such deep sorrow and empathy for those who have lost loved ones, even in Boston today, in Iraq, where real people and families have been destroyed, and who have had to bear these tragedies in a more personal way.

Try as we may, we cannot make control this world or subdue all that is evil.  And yet, as believers we must come to God and His word for our answers. The world around us is longing for a word of hope, a reason to keep going, a comfort to their shattered dreams and overwhelming sense of grief.

What if we are moving towards the last times and what if God has chosen you and your family to live through a very difficult time in history, because He trusted you to be able to live a story of faith, to look to Him for hope, to comfort those who are longing to feel the loving arms of God wrapped around their necks?

A friend of mine who is a Bible teacher once said that she thinks some of the greatest people who have ever lived are alive now. The reason being that it requires so much faith, strength, Biblical perspective and focus on Jesus to live through difficult times.

We read in Revelation, that Satan, knowing his time is short, will pour out his wrath on the earth. The gospels tell us that in the last days, even the elect will be tempted to fall away. And we know that people's love will grow cold from reading in Matthew.

The concept of being "over-comers" is used 28 times in scripture--those who overcome evil with good; those who overcome temptation, overcome difficulties, overcome spiritual battle. To overcome means to conquer, to vanquish evil.

For whatever reason, God has seen fit to allow us to be born in this time. We know that throughout Biblical history, there were many who lived in fear--the Israelites who were afraid of the giants in the land; the army of Israel when they faced Goliath and many more stories. Yet, God was on the side of those who chose to believe in Him against all odds, to take steps of faith to bring His light into the darkness. 

Be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for and hope for and expect the Lord! Psalm 31: 24

What if God is calling us to come in the name of the Lord of Hosts and instead of running away from the battle, He is asking us to run into the battle head long because we believe that the Lord of Hosts is with us, and that in the end, He will prevail.

What if we are called today, to be strong--to make the faith choice to let our hearts take courage?

Joel noted today, that instead of adults just running away from the bomb, many ran into the storm of chaos to help, to hold, to lift and to comfort.

It is easy as parents to fear the world our children have been born into. But what if, instead, we prepared our children to be warriors for His kingdom? What if we whispered over and over into their sweet little hearts, that though we love them so much, we cannot keep them from evil because God has chosen them to fight a valiant battle, to be a hero of light and goodness in their time and that some day, Jesus Himself will say, "Well done thou good and faithful servant!" --because they fought the good fight and were waiting, like Paul, for the crown that is stored up for him and all who believe and wait for his coming.

Little ones must be protected from media and events that would cause them to fear, so that they can build such strong foundations on goodness, they will be firm and established in love, in goodness and in the ability to hope. In time, the right time as God shows us, we can little by little be the ones who interpret this world to them from God's eyes--but God will help us to know when they are ready.

Yet, little by little, we must strengthen their muscles of faith by giving them the opportunity to be sources of hope and comfort and love to those in need. We are their trainers, those coaches, who are to prepare them to stand strong in their world when God calls them away for His great work.

Satan will not have the last word. Though the battle rages, we shall prevail because we are His and He is the king and Lord over all.

He who overcomes will inherit these things, and I will be his God and he will be My son. Rev. 21: 7

It is my prayer all of us will hear the very voice of the Holy Spirit calling  to have hope, because He is the ultimate redeemer and we know that we will reign with Him through all eternity, after we have been faithful here, to fight the good fight, as Paul did. May we also run the race with godly endurance, keep our faith, and wait for the crown of righteousness that will surely be ours. And may our children who follow behind us find us faithful to leave them a story of hope, a pathway of courage and an end that rejoices in the reality of His presence.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing. II Tim 4: 7-8

Mentoring Monday! Serving Children to Teach Them to Serve!

Sunday Morning Feast

Here

Way 6

The smell of coffee brewing, warm cinnamon bread coming out of the oven was one of the ways I would bribe my children to crawl out of bed on Sunday mornings early enough to get ready for church. Often, I would lay the Bible out by Clay's plate with a favorite verse I had been reading, in case he had not had enough time to pick a chapter out ahead of time.

Especially when my children grew older and activities, jobs and trips interrupted our previously predictable schedules that they had know as little children, I felt it important to gather all of us around the family table to invest once again in each other.  Sunday morning feasts were my way of gathering us every Sunday to catch up on all that was happening in our lives. Our church didn't start until 11, so we usually had plenty of time to eat a leisurely breakfast together.

From French toast to apple-pecan pancakes, scrambled cheese eggs to cinnamon rolls, breakfasts on this day were always a pleasure we enjoyed. Last Sunday, after a very active, tiring, but fun week with Joy home from college, I planned to arise to make a fun breakfast before we took her to the airport to fly back to school.

Much to my surprise, when I came downstairs, the table was set, and a pot of fresh tea was steeping that she had made to bring up to me in bed, and French toast from my homemade bread was sizzling and browning on our electric skillet.

"I just wanted to serve everyone one last meal before I took off to tell them I loved them. This has been such a fun week at home, I wanted everyone to know how much I loved being here and spending special time together."

There is almost nothing that means more to me than someone else cooking for me and setting the table or washing the dishes! I was deeply grateful. Even more, though, it has been fun for me to see my children serve each other as a part of their own inner integrity--a grid that they have owned that they are people who God has called to serve, help and meet the needs of others. What a treat to be served by my own sweet Joy!

Serving does not come naturally to most of us, it must be trained into our core values. Yet, teaching children to serve one another can be fun and also fulfilling as children love feel their own prowess and strength when they learn that something they have to give is needed by others.

Way # 6 of Our 24 Family Ways

"We serve one another, humbly thinking of the needs of others first."

Memory verse

"And whoever wishes to be first among you shall be slave of all, 'For even as he son of man did not come to be served, but to serve and to give his life a ransom for many."

Mark 10:44o-45

Serving others helps children to learn how to think of someone other than themselves. Often, serving others softens their heart, comforts them in times of need, and obviously makes their loads in life easier. Serving is a skill and character quality that is so easy to spot because it is so rare in adults today.

Many moms say, "If someone would just take care of my children once in a while, I would be soooo grateful just to have a break."

If a child grows up serving, it will come as a more natural part of giving their whole lives.

From making, " I love you," cards to plates of cookies for neighbors, cleaning a child's room, making a special sick tray when a child was in bed, serving meals at the homeless shelter, and so many more ways, helped our children to learn to give of their time and effort to ease someone else's life.

Occasionally grumbling, or dragging their feet accompanied the training exercise of serving others. None of us is naturally unselfish.  But often, it created a positive sense of self-worth in our children as adults would thank them or people would be pleased with their efforts.

I actually think that serving as a way of life at our many national parenting and mom's conferences over the years, in some ways tied my children's heart to Christ's heart of giving his own life, because all of the kids have verbalized how much of a role conferences have played in shaping their faith.

Jesus called his disciples to serve along beside him and in this practice, they began to perceive themselves as leaders.

This week, engage your family and even young children in thinking how they might help or serve someone in need. You will probably be surprised at how much they will enjoy being a part of something that makes them feel rather important. The earlier you start, the better, as it will become a part of the fabric of their lives!

Serve away!

Today, you will also find me writing at Momheart.org about Kind words that melt our children's hearts!

Today is the last day to enter the drawing for the 7 copies of Heartfelt Discipline I will be giving away tomorrow! Be sure to remind your friends to enter today for an opportunity to get Clay's book:

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