Out of the Box Kids & Dealing with Critics, Nay Sayers & Emotionally Challenged Friends

Join me for a long ramble.

One of my sweet friends was blasted recently by a "well-meaning" friend about her lovely daughter--who is by God's design a thoughtful introvert and reader and creative type. The criticism was unjust, totally opinion and harmful to the mother and the child.  Criticism hurts all of us and there are all sorts of people out there who could make us feel inadequate about ourselves, our marriage or lack there of, our mothering or even cause us to ponder if we are ruining our children.

But there was another who was unjustly criticized--and he was the best of all. (By the way, did you know that God is displeased with complainers and those who are angry and critical of his chosen?)

Job was a man chosen by God as a  model for righteousness.

God trusted Job to be faithful in the midst of Satan throwing his worst temptations into his life. (Jesus was tempted before his ministry began, Peter was tempted before he became the leader of the disciples, and so will we be.)

However, in the midst of his trials and suffering, Job's friends pontificated--elaborated in confident tones and words--about why Job was suffering.

Most of their opinions were  utter foolishness. They judged Job's life, they criticized him. It only had the effect of discouraging Job and made him introspective--even though he was picked to be in this spiritual battle because of his righteousness. 

I really don't have much patience with those who feel a need to be critical, mean spirited and blaming others for their own unhappiness or shortcomings. We all really need to just work on ourselves--as each of us is flawed.

But, if we desire to live righteously by faith in this present day, we will have to make decisions that go against the norm and against the grain of most people. And consequently, we are always going to have "Job's friends" in life. (we call them irps at our house--irrational people, plural) We have even been known to say, "Oh, I have been irped again!"

No matter how diligent you are or how much work you do, you and your spouse and your children are going to behave in an embarrassing manner-or immature way or blunder in your life. You will violate someone else's standard--more than once! And your "Job's friends" will be sure to notice and to tell you what you are doing wrong or how unsocialized your child is or how their children are much more advanced than yours, or whatever.

I am thankful that I finally came to understand and believe that my audience was God. He knows me and my limitations and the limitations of my family and children and He is still on my side.(He strongly supports those whose heart is completely His. Also, he is mindful that we are but dust. Psalm 103) All children are disappointing to someone at some point--that is where faith and unconditional love are made to move in!

Even in ministry and speaking, I have even learned that before I even get up to speak, someone in the audience is against me or doesn't like my choice of dress or something.

(One year at a mom heart conference, a woman said, "When you wore the red dress last year, I just knew the messages would not be quite as deep, but since you have on a blue dress this year, I think they will be wonderful!)

When you seek to lead, and stand up in front of people, or live a different life, you become a target. It is just part of putting our ideals out there. If I listened to every critical comment that was made to me, I would have given up my ministry and my ideals long ago.

However, I am free in Christ to like who He has made me,  to love and believe in my children as they are, with all their warts,  and to be patient and grateful with the husband I have been given--because He who began a good work will complete it in Christ. It is part of a woman's grace to be gracious to those in her family. 

I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed to Him until the day He fulfills it. If I had given in to my insecurities and inadequacies I felt before others, I would have given up on this road to ideals a long time ago--and it is just a part of the journey--the ups and downs of emotions--I would have always been depressed or become neurotic--which I have been on occasion.

But, I have had so many life circumstances, given to me by God, that have taught me that fitting into the mold or expectations of others was not God's will for me.

As a matter of fact, I feel that if I had followed all the advice of friends, I could have easily cultivated rebellion or resentment in the hearts of my children. But, God gave them to me for me to love them, discipline and nurture them according to their bent and according to the wisdom and intuition He would give to me through my mother love.

For instance, all of my children had areas in their lives that didn't fit the box of anyone else. Sarah is a dreamer, introvert, thinker, creative, close to her mom--how many times did I hear we were too close to each other?  Stupidity! I probably would not have made it this far without her friendship! I am so very grateful God saw fit to give me my own best friend! Now, my co-writer and bestest of  friends--and yet she travels all over the world in ministry, lives in England, studying,  and encouraging others. I am so grateful we are so close.

Gentle Joel, so abstract and artistic that at times my mom thought he was deaf because he wouldn't hear me when I would talk to him or ask him to do something---he is extremely  responsive and helpful, creative, and submissive and  a loyal friend to me-but I had to speak to him eye to eye and face to face to help him know exactly what I wanted him to do. Now he is a talented composer, creative, brilliant,  lives inside his head,  but still dependable and hard working, always taking care of my details and needs,--always in the clouds planning or creating, composing or thinking--a renaissance man. But my dependable, generous friend.

My Nathan didn't sleep through the night until he was 4 (ended up he had a digestion disorder we didn't know about!) He also is an extrovert and adhd--really, really-and he also has some clinical disorders that have plagued him over the years, including severe OCD. (Got them from me.)

I had so many people who told me that he just needed more discipline--"You are not spanking him enough!" I also had a number of friends who were critical of his behavior  over the years. Instead of supporting me and helping me, I found their critical eye to be devastating. I was so introspective about my inadequacies with my "mysterious" child. And yet, I know in my heart, that harshness and spanking and criticism would have created standards that he would never have been able to live up to--I know that I would have alienated him in his heart from me. If I had just known ahead of time, he would become my actor-artist son, produce a movie in Hollywood with his very first script, maybe I would have been more comfortable with him being out of the box.

As I would love Nate and validated him whenever I could, spent every day of his schooling years sitting with him, next to him through hours and hours in reading and math and written work--when everyone else told me he needed more independence. I had a sense that this great spirited child was wonderful and responded to attention (middle child--second boy!) and that he was soaking up my passion and love and stories deep in his heart. He is my idealist,  prophet, loyal faithful friend.

Joy is a fire-cracker, independent, confident, a performer, debater, already speaking and teaching and very outspoken, outgoing, always wants to be doing something---strong sense of personal justice and ready to defend ideals and people. She is a people lover, influencer for Christ, and my always inner circle, encourager who loves generously. But a great heart and so very patient, as she has grown up around 5 parents!

When she was ready to go out of state to college at age 17, 5 different women contacted me to tell me I was risking too much to send her to school to early and that she would surely compromise herself morally and give in to worldly values. Now, she will graduate college at 19, after having been in Oxford for a semester, and still loves God--even more passionately.

Each child was a different recipe and required different amounts of heat! Yet, none of them has fit the  mold--and it was just too much pressure to worry about, anyway. I knew that God wanted me to enjoy life and to be flexible and creative with the particular puzzle he gave me to solve.

We held the line on chores and helping all to be excellent in character and behavior and serving people and in learning little by little to being loving and patient and kind and honoring in relationships. But it was year in year out and my very strong spirited children were always resilient!

There were, however, many, many ups and downs.

I wish I had been more patient with all of my children, really as I think about it, and kissed and hugged them at nights all that they needed. (Sometimes Nate would forget that I had prayed with him and wanted one more assurance prayer. I would think, "Am I spoiling him? Is he manipulating me?")

I know now that his disorders were beyond him--he responded so well to gentleness and love, along side training and holding a high standard in our family. I had two other ocd children who felt more secure when I gave them the long rituals of hug, kiss, pray, absolve guilt, hug, kiss again. (OCD types)

But really, what did it cost me? Just a little extra time and patience--But it would have been better if I had not worried that I was spoiling them and had knots in my stomach because I was going against the grain. Somehow the extra nighttime love, went deep into their souls and made them feel more loved and secure--not spoiling--but investing.

Recently, all four happened to be home, lounging with the totally depraved golden retriever (she really is a number!) in our midst as Joel played his new composition which he is going to perform soon.  We were enjoying, critiquing,  chatting--all in our pajamas at 10 in the morning and I am here thanking God that my children are such wonderful individuals--filled and broad and alive souls, dreaming about the areas of life they will conquer.

But now I know that some of the stress was just personality related.I myself often feel that my personality is too much for some people. I am strong and passionate and opinionated and restless and adventuresome--a one per center as Myers Briggs says--and I often feel that way amongst crowds! And Clay is a one--percent on the other scale--more introverted--but equally as opinionated.

Yet, I believe God equipped us with this out of the box personality because of His calling on our lives--to teach and write and travel and speak and host and everything else He has put in our life to do--a part of our spiritual dna.

Not much has changed. My children are too loud and too quiet, dress in their own way, has all sorts of interesting friends who don't necessarily fit into the Christian bubble, musical tastes and activities, all varied--but I love who God made them.

All that reading and all those passionate devotions gave our children great scope for imagination for their own lives.  A heart for the lost and has a real ministry with the "far out" looking kids seems to be common to my children.   Big dreams--definitely an artist sorts. Not an accountant in our crowd. Loving  "Mom and Dad" and  taking some strong, idealistic stands for the Lord, over and over again marks the decisions and roads my kids have taken.

None of us fit "in the box." But neither did Clay and I, or Sarah or Joel or Nathan or Joy.

All that to say, live true to your own family culture--and be faithful to God. Don't perform for others, but live daily in His freedom and power and grace. We have been criticized for years by many people for our ideals. We have had to work through many pathways of difficulty, critics, nay-sayers, and emotionally unhealthy people who reacted to our family and wanted us to know.

But I only wish I had just rested in the Lord more and fretted less about the details of life that seemed to loom large in my mind. Not that I have already become perfect, as Paul says, but I press on for the upward calling of God in Christ Jesus. I have to keep reminding myself to believe in God and to trust Him every day and to wait for more prayers for all of us to be answered--especially as I watch my children launch into life.

I have lived through so many seasons of fear and see that the hand of God was working and that He is loving and He has used all things to work together in our lives. I seek to enjoy each day as an adventure in God's hands and nurture a heart that has learned to enjoy the ride.

I don't know how it will all turn out, and I am quite sure that all of us will make some mistakes, again, --but I know Who will be there to work all  things together for my good, according to His will which is what I really want. It is for freedom that Christ set us free--give your children the gift of freedom from fear, from other's criticism and from performance. Blessings--and grace!

Building a Masterpiece of Your Life Requires Hard Work

westminster_abbey_worship

"Angel voices echoed back and forth creating an angelic atmosphere in the ancient shadowy cathedral as the sun began to set. Our eyes peered above to the shimmering lights of the stain glass saints as they seemed to come alive with the sun flowing through them at dusk. Dark shining glaze shined out on the intricate woodwork surrounding the windows, as the trilling organ wrapped its mystique of the bold bass notes around our willing hearts. For a tiny moment, we were swept up to heaven.

Joy, 15, was on her first mission trip with me. Having the opportunity to stop in London for 3 days, before we went to Europe, we took the opportunity to go to Evensong at Westminster Abby. Boys are chosen and trained in an elite private school to perform the closing of the day, evening service at the country's historical cathedral.

WBNov10_Westminster-Abbey

We walked quietly, reverently out into the night air and whispered quietly, still in awe of the vast beauty of the evening.

"Mama, I was looking at the cut stones and statues, the intricate carvings of all the wood, the stain class windows all around, the gorgeous tapestries, the brass candlesticks and crosses, and the flowers so elegantly placed throughout the hall. I was struck by how much work, planning, design, skill went into creating such a masterpiece of a historical church."

Any great work of beauty that is excellent requires a vast amount of work and constant care and attention.

image (3)

It is the same with a great life. For a person to live well, to love deeply, to grow strong in truth, wisdom and knowledge so as to live with understanding, to become skillful at life and providing, to extend the grace of God into a ministry of outreach requires vision, planning and then lots of work and investment of energy and time. To build a godly legacy with children takes a lifetime of sacrifice. To establish a strong marriage requires years of growing selfless, giving deeply of love, compassion, forgiveness and growing in maturity. Integrity of a life that is filled with godly character and maturity requires many years of choosing to take one more faithful step in the direction of God.

To build a home of ideals means a life of sacrifice. It means a lot of work, and it’s never going to be over. These ideals don’t come easily to anyone; they come through battle. It’s an illusion to think that building a place of beauty ever happens naturally to anymore; it happens little by little…through hard work.

To build these habits and values of hard work comes slowly to our children, from young age to young adult. It is the rhythm of working every day that is the key to developing this work ethic in a child-becoming adult. When a child is used to doing chores, completing a school assignment, carrying their load, they will find it easier to take initiative in their work habits as an adult because it will be second nature.

But, you may not think it is taking root in  your home. Sarah just finished her degree at Oxford having completed papers of thousands and thousands of words. Joy is in the midst of completing her Master's Degree and pondering more school after that. Nathan is filming his second movie this summer and has just completed his second book. Joel is writing a book, going to graduate school and working on the side on several music projects. I never thought I was doing enough to create in them a value for hard work, but we "worked" on it every day and God was doing more in their hearts than it looked like on the surface. Be encouraged!

God has created us so that each person is capable of telling a great story with their lives, if they are willing to commit to living for His glory.

You are the masterpiece in the making, truly! One day, one baby step at a time builds a beautiful  life.

Hard work

Endurance

Fortitude

Sacrifice

Initiative

Love, wisdom and patience

All of these attributes and more are required to build the great life God designed us to live. The end result of such a life is to bring the healing light of Christ into the midst of our own sphere of influence. But, this great work also satisfies the soul.

Yet, not many become great because not many intentionally dedicate themselves to this eternal work of living and engaging in a great story that will be told throughout eternity.

Yet, all it requires is our will and our faith, as we determine to follow hard after Him every day. God delights in our vigorous engagement of life. And He is there to strongly support us each step of the way.

In 2015, how will you imagine the ways in which God created you to become excellent, holy, set apart for His purposes, by living a story that will inspire generations of your family to want to follow in your steps.

It starts with a heart of obedience, today, in the small things, the challenges, the beautiful deeds that require our best.

Jesus said, "If you love me, you will obey me."  And obeying Him leads to living and exceptional, set aside holy life--available to all of us if we seek Him with all of our heart. How might our worlds be different if we lived into His amazing Spirit's design imprinted with us us to fulfill?

Own Your Life: Living with Deep Intention, Bold Faith, and Generous Love

By Sally Clarkson

To get more ideas about how to set goals and to work hard to achieve a meaningful life, you might enjoy reading Own Your Life. 

You Are More than your Past, Your Failures, Your insecurity! Thrive!

 

(Jessica Fordace--art)

"I have loved you with an everlasting love." says God

"You would not want to be my friend if you knew what I was really like. I have been married and divorced 4 times. I know that would embarrass you."

"Did you know I had an abortion? I was afraid to tell you because I knew you would pull away."

"I am so out of control of my life and I just yell at my children every day. I am so embarrassed of the mom I am and I know God is disappointed with me."

"I was molested by father and I don't know if I can ever feel ok about myself."

"I was a prodigal and lived a wild life and now I am paying for it. I am not the kind of person who belongs in your ministry."

These are many of the secrets women have revealed to me in private over the years. Most of us carry baggage of some kind. But, if we truly understood the amazing, redeeming, generous, overwhelming meaning of salvation and the deep integrity of God's commitment to love us, we would  be different women.

If you are surrounded by supposed Christians who point their fingers at you in condemnation, then they need to deal with Jesus. Jesus said to the Pharisees, "He who is without sin, cast the first stone," when the Pharisees wanted to condemn the woman caught in adultery.

"If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature."

Any one. No matter how difficult or broken your family. No matter what your failures or sin. No matter what your past, you are beloved and washed completely new, as if you had never sinned, fallen, been hurt before.

We all have a new story, a new beginning.

Psalm 103 tells us, God is Father of compassion. He sympathizes with your pain, your sorrow, so much that He did surgery to make sure you had a brand new beginning. You are forgiven, You are amazing, Your are wonderful.

Yet, until we get rid of the baggage of phantom voices that haunt us with our past, we cannot move forward into the story God wants us to live, the great ways He wants to bless our lives.

Without identifying the negative voices bombarding us, we’re simply unable to own our lives. It’s essential to our growth that we pinpoint where these voices come from. Maybe the negativity has come from friends, family, or people we’ve met along the way. Perhaps from our past mistakes, failures, or abuse. Sometimes it’s the voice of culture and media, and even our Christian culture and communities.

But God says nothing can separate us from His love.

He says that He has loved us with an everlasting love. 

Nothing we have done, nothing we will do, nothing we think or any way that we behave will ever diminish His love for us. If we truly believed this, we would behave differently every day. 

He likes our personality, our design, our body, our quirky ways and He calls it good.

Even as He designed every singe snowflake that comes to the earth to be uniquely beautiful, so we are each a unique masterpiece, not to be compared to others, not to conform to the voices of critics, but to live comfortably in our own skin.

Most of the time, I do not worry about what other people think of me anymore--because the more secure I became, because I believed He loved me, the less I cared about what others said or thought.

Scripture tells us: "Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but trusting the LORD means safety." Proverbs 29:25

As long as we live in fear of what others might think or what others may say or think about our children's failures, we will always be on the defensive trying as hard as possible to justify our past, to convince someone that we are not broken, that we have not failed.

All of us fail. All of us have a past. But it is His love, His forgiveness, His heritage that defines the real us and frees us to enjoy life without worrying about our failures or shortcomings. And the more we admit our sin, the more we appreciate His love.

You Are Loved!

Own Your Beautiful Heritage today.

Be encouraged: HERE

Cutting the Chaos

 

"The chaos of my life consumed me and left me empty."

"As for our days, they contain 70 years or if due to strength, 80, but soon it is gone and will fly away. So teach us to number our days that we might present to you a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90: 10, 12

A couple of years ago, I was in a meeting in an office in downtown New York City. A young mom rushed into the room, dropping her computer case, spreading his papers all over the floor, and falling into a chair near me. Tears filled her eyes, "I left my children at the babysitters in tears, my house is a wreck, I am behind at my job, and my life is a mess. Today, the chaos of my life consumed me and left me empty. Help me, please!"

Do you feel the chaos mounting in your life? Piles in your home? Stress, always being behind, and the feeling that you are failing at life can create irritability, and a disagreeable spirit. Then follows guilt.

From the vantage point of having finished 6 decades, I am more aware than ever that life flies by. One day flows into another and then months flow into years. But somehow so many I know keep going one empty day after the other.

Much of my life was lived at such a pace, however, that I felt like I was always in a hurry to get some place or to complete a task. These overcommitted times turned me into more a drill sergeant  than a loving companion. How easy it is to focus on all of our "to do's" and to miss the magical moments of childhood and celebrating it together rather than gutting it out in frustration.

Busyness falsely promises productivity.

Studies show that 88% of mothers feel severely stressed and overcome with anxiety due to poor time management and difficulty prioritizing.

In a hectic world that is over-stimulated, constantly on our phones, computers, social media, rushing here and there, never stopping, we are we losing sight of what is truly important in the midst of the balancing act just to stay alive in the game. My mind ponders the fact that we were simply not designed to multitask to this extent. We often try so hard to juggle one million ideals, and once we drop one, then another,  we feel defeated.

As mothers and wives, it is absolutely crucial that we learn to breathe, relax, and focus and center ourselves  on what should be prioritized. Life is short and ideals are constantly interrupted, so we need to be sure to focus on the most important ones.

The people God has placed in our lives should be the biggest priority.

Do the priority people in your life (your children, your husband, your parents, your friends) feel that you are often distracted by all the things you do? Do they comment on how much they appreciate your ability to give full attention to them or do they complain that you are not listening?

Are you so stressed about making your home squeaky clean that you don't make time for game night or a stroll at sunset? Is your mind so preoccupied with getting back to the kitchen to clean all the dishes that you forget to actually enjoy dinner with your family? Did you fill your day with so many errands and "have-to's" that you run out of energy to extend a kind word, an affectionate kiss, a sweet note on a pillow and warm greeting to your husband? Do your young children already feel the pressure to succeed, please you, worried that their childish behavior  is a disappointment?

"But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him and said,

'Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone?

Then tell her to help me.' But the Lord answered and said to her,

'Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her." -Luke 10:40-42

 Worst of all, is the neglect of our Father. He is so ready to give peace, to guide us in wisdom through His gentle voice, to take the burden of performance off our backs, to relieve our guilt, but if we do not still our souls, we are likely to get into a snit as Martha did. We create our own snits by refusing to take time to be comforted in the presence of our living, loving Father.

We must make time to sit at His feet so we don't get into a huff. If you are too busy, the consequences will be grumpiness, frustration, and missed opportunities. (What is causing you the most stress and depleting your life? What can you do about it?)

Being women of wisdom means setting realistic goals so that we don't become drained. When we are constantly operating on a tank of gas that is almost empty, we have little in our hearts from which others may draw. It is so easy to listen to the voices of others and feel the guilt of performing up to other's expectations, instead of committing to the limitations and strengths of our own puzzle of life.

Make a list today of what you can reasonably accomplish and cut out those drainers that are unnecessary. What do you need to cut out? What do you need to add to your life to give your children more of a sense of love, peace and affection? Getting our priorities in order enables us to be better mothers, wives, friends, and women of God.

Make a plan to incorporate in your life the ideals that lead to real relationships and eternal values.

Control your life by eliminating time wasters.

Identify the areas of life you have neglected that will bring you more health--activities that bring pleasure, give peace, cultivate new interests, inspire your mind and heart.

Today, each of has a choice--will we take time to celebrate the joys that God has provided? the beauty that He wants us to explore? The sweetness of intimacy that comes from investing heart time with those we love.

Take time to experience His pleasure. Remember: "Taste and see that the Lord is good."

The chores and responsibilities will always be there, but the time to invest in the ones we love, will soon be gone.

Cut your chaos, cultivate a peaceful life, create close relationships. Live a life that values all the matters.

Buy Here and be encouraged!

The Measure of Your Life is How Well You Have Loved

Jessica Dunn Fordice

Loving well is the best and most profound act of life.

Sally Clarkson, Own Your Life Book

"Mama, you love me the most, right?" ....Our joke through all the years but repeated over and over again.

"I love you the "Joyest" and you the "Nathanest" and you the "Sarahest" and you the "Joelest" my sweets.

Seems that even now, I am often texting, emailing, fb'ing my kids how much I love them, how special they are to me, how much they are beloved by God.

All of my children have gone through bouts of doubt when confronted by a constant barrage of challenges. All four have written notes to me to say our constant love is what pulled them through. "You always believed in us, you were always at our back. You never gave up!"

A heritage of being loved and cherished is profoundly important in the life of any human being.

Surrounded by people who care for their needs, commit to cherishing them from birth to death, wrapping them in the bonds of unconditional love is a legacy that will give them strength, hope and vision through the rest of their lives.

It is something that cannot be bought or quantified or boxed. Love is real, day in day out, giving of ourselves to the benefit and values of others God has place in our lives--a giving of ourselves for the blessing of others. When we love and touch it pre-disposes our children to remember the caresses and affection of love and will cause them to be more prone to believe in the love of God when they are teens and we tell them God loves them.

When children are deprived of love as an infant, consequences to their health, emotional stability, understanding and perception of God, ability to hold relationships and even intelligence is effected the rest of their lives. Of course, Christ is able to redeem and restore all things. I know in my own life that restoration and healing are possible. But in this fallen world, the process of healing may take awhile.

God created all of us with a deep need to be loved, and a capacity to love generously.

Being loved perfectly was God's original design, it was born in His heart when he created us to know Him intimately.   

If I could point to one thing that truly had an impact in my children, it was giving them a foundation of unconditional love. Generous, overwhelming, words of affirmation, an expectation of forgiveness, acts of service, and many more gestures of love is what opened our children's hearts to listen to our messages about God. 

Love done well is expressed in the messy details of life.

Loving them as they are, appreciating the personality that God has given them, restoring them to generous love when they have failed, pouring out love even when they were at arm's length, focussing on love as the lens through which I looked at life as a mother, giving out words of love on a daily basis--sometimes many times a day, became the fuel for building a fire in their hearts to want to love God.

When love is modeled as a way of life, then a child has the brain patterns, the very familiarity of how love feels from a parent, and will then be more able to experience the love of God when introduced to it as a concept.

We read:

God is love.

Greater love has no one than this than a man lay down his life for his friend.

The two greatest commandments are to love God and to love others.

Love one another and so fulfill the law of Christ.

They will know you are my disciples by your love for one another.

So many times, parents are afraid that if they show their love for their children too much, they will spoil them.

Has anyone ever loved you too much? Or do you wish for more love?

Though I was loved in many ways, I grew up with some performance based issues in my family, I often felt inadequate and as though I could never do quite enough to please others--my parents, the world--God Himself. I felt defeated in my inner heart, though I kept striving to perform for many years.

However, it was at a college conference in Mexico my junior year, that a wonderful teacher personally explained to me, while focussing on my heart's cries for over an hour, that God truly loved me and that nothing would ever separate me from his love.

This knowledge changed my life forever.

Then I read and pondered and studied the life of Christ with His disciples. It was His love poured out, serving them and their families, living with them, giving them words of life; cooking for them, washing their feet, encouraging them, that so changed their lives that they were willing to give their lives for His cause.

We as adults must understand that unconditional love, as shown by Christ, is the foundation to good relationships.

But the place that our children learn this kind of mature love is by watching us practice loving them in our home.

Many of you, like me, never really understood or experienced love in this way while growing up, but what I have found is that by receiving God's love by faith and then practicing it in my home with my family has stretched my ability to love, and it has changed my life. I will probably always struggle with it a little bit on earth because it was so deeply engrained in my life. But the love of God has slowly transformed my life over many years. In making it my goal, I have learned to love many people. It is a process of growth.

In our own family devotional, The 24 Family Ways, we made love prominent in our training.

Way # 5 WE LOVE ONE ANOTHER, TREATING EACH OTHER WITH KINDNESS, GENTLENESS AND RESPECT.

MEMORY VERSE:

"Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.  No one has seen God at any time; if we love one another, God abides in us, and His love is perfected in us." I John 4:11-12

If we understand the importance of building this foundation of loving our precious children and teaching them to love others, we will give them the power they need to build strong relationships, stay strong in marriage, learn to work in ministry and a profession well--in short, we will give them the ability to have a fuller, more fulfilling life.

Loving my adult children is still just as important as when they were young.

The world can be hostile to adults who seek to live morally excellent lives, and who attempt to live lives for the glory of God. And so even now, loving, listening, encouraging, supporting and giving my adult children a home where they will be circled in love and commitment of friendship is one of the pulls in their lives to uphold their ideals in a very challenging time.

Love covers a multitude of sin.

Love is a perfect bond of unity.

So today, commit in your journal what it means to love to each of the precious ones entrusted into your hands and then begin by practicing love today.

How do you show your children acts of love that penetrates their hearts? 

Buy Now!

Just say "no" to your child! And other words worth pondering!

Mom Heart Own Your Life Conference, Colorado Springs

What do I do after a momentous weekend with hundreds of women at a mom heart conference? I sleep extra late, I take my boys out for a meal, I take a hot bubble bath and then I take a nap and finally end the day watching a spy show while eating chocolate chip cookies. I have taken a sore throat with me from the hotel, so I am pampering myself. Tomorrow, I will begin to get back to normal.

So, a number of sweet friends sent me messages, voxers and texts and I decided to let some of them share with you what most stood out at the conference and thoughts they are going to keep with them in their homes this year.

"Say no to your children. Teach them to honor you now so that they will be able to accept a "no" from God and honor His direction in their lives when they are older. If they learn to obey you now, they will be prepared to obey Him when they are older."

"Your life is not your own, but God wants you to own your life for His glory."

""When a challenge or test comes my way, I will respond out of what I have invested deeply in, all of my life.  I need to constantly refresh myself in the Word so that my well is deep enough for whatever I face.”

"Many mothers are under the illusion that some children do not resist training. All children resist training even when we are doing the right things. This is normal."

Chrystal Hurst, dear friend, powerful speaker.

"If you never take opportunities that might allow you to fail you will never have opportunities that will allow you to grow." Sally

"Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, not 7 or 15, he will not depart from it."Sally

"“If you are faithful in the hidden places, those places will become the foundation of your story!  The very place you are is where God is building character.”Sally

"You have to give your children a strong foundation of truth, morality, integrity, how to work hard; and then you have to give them a vision focused toward the future-- 'I wonder how God is going to use you in the world? How will He teach you to be strong when you're tempted? How does He want to use you in your generation?' Your job is not to control them or their friends or their circumstances-- it's to teach them to see what God is doing and what He is teaching them in those circumstances to prepare them for their future in serving God and His kingdom." Sally

So much fun to be with Sarah Mae once again!

Comments about the conference:

Sarah Mae: "I was inspired, encouraged and challenged, again! I cannot recommend Sally's Mom Heart conferences enough! They are inspiring and life-giving and they will send you home not only wanting to be holy and wise and walk by faith, but you will have a vision for motherhood that will motivate you and help you persevere through all the seasons of it."

Holly P. I was incredibly blessed by the ‘Own Your Life’  conference.  Sally’s words, “The dreams inside us point to the destiny we were created to fulfill” encouraged me to move forward with a dream to continue to ask the Lord to enlarge my capacity as I step out to lead.  I am confident that every mom— no matter what stage of parenting they are in— will be challenged and encouraged by this conference. Two days well spent!

Misty K. "This year especially, I think, Sally's messages are full of the kinds of questions we really need to be asking ourselves: What will be the legacy of my life? If I know God, does it show? Am I carrying baggage that weighs me down? What might God be asking  of me in the next ten years? What would my children say if the message of my life?"

You will love this great blog post 

 

So much fun to be with all of these wonderful women. We are having 2 more conferences in the next weeks. You can still register.

California: The California conference is filling up quickly. Please be sure to register at the hotel soon as you cannot register to stay in the hotel after Friday, January 30. The price will go from the conference rate of $94 a night to $250 a night after this date. Tell your friends to sign up soon. Heidi St. John and Angela Perritt and several other seasons speakers will be sharing their hearts at this conference, and I will be speaking 3 times. 

Register HERE

TEXAS This conference always fills up quickly. Be sure and register for the conference and then register for a hotel room. The hotel rooms at the Marriott are already filled but we have another hotel very near that also has a direct shuttle to the Marriott for the conference. Go Here for information. 

Hope to see you there!

What messages did you take away from reading the book, Own Your Life,  or attending the conference? Do share your thoughts!

Friday Thoughts: Following the God-given Dreams Bubbling up in your Heart

  So excited to be here in Denver with hundreds of moms at the Mom Heart Conference.

Have a wonderful weekend--and follow the promptings of the Holy Spirit to follow God's dreams He has place in your heart. Blessings and blessings to you all this weekend.

No Perfect Mamas Allowed! Owning the Messy Times With Acceptance & Grace!

Truly, I have the most wonderful launch team--sweet moms like you and me, who were willing to put a lot of time into helping me get the message of my new book into the hands of as many women as possible. We all have a heart to encourage and come along beside. I have asked  what some of the issues and convictions are in reading through Own Your Life. Here are three sweet friends sharing their struggles in the midst of life and how they are learning to cope. Enjoy! Sally From Misty, Krasawski, mom, wife and great writer. Hers is the beautiful Heart poster above.

As we passed cups of tea around my living room discussing Chapter One of Own Your Life this week, my sweet friend’s baby lay on the floor, complaining about his new teeth. One of the precious ladies shed tears, too, as she told us she had just finished chemotherapy treatment for breast cancer.

Many of us find ourselves without a church home at present, and several were in the middle of the chaos and uncertainty of a move. The stories we shared as we got to know one another told the truth about life: it’s sometimes unpredictable, often messy, and (contrary to popular belief) always just a bit more than we thought we could handle.

So when we read this passage, it jumped off the page:

" ... this is the place I want you to worship Me. Being faithful in these circumstances is where you will find the glory of My favor. This is exactly where I want you. This time of testing will be the making of your faith, the humbling of your heart, the shaping of your character, the writing of your story. You can choose to waste this time with a bad attitude, to leave this situation, or to waste your days in ungratefulness and complaints. And then your life will continue moving through darkness and dim hallways.
You have a choice to make: if you trust Me and live faithfully in this juncture, I will make this a place of favor and honor for you. But if you look for a way out and disqualify yourself from the blessings and favor I had planned to give you, you will find yourself in the midst of a prolonged wilderness."
Sally Clarkson, Own Your Life

Yes! This place, that place, all of these messy and wonderful and hard and holy places, the ones we find our feet smack dab in the middle of—these are the perfectly imperfect places we are called to embrace and offer up to Jesus, one day at a time.
Probably … Imperfectly.
Setting this intention as foundational to our lives—this acceptance of the life God has given us to own—is the only sure basis for the lives of beauty we’re all hoping to build.
Let’s not wait for perfect, or easy, or simple. Let’s own OUR REAL LIFE LIVES this year!

Mary Mays is the mama to the sweet baby above.

"God desires to remove the scars caused by our brokenness, to heal the deformity caused by sin, and to use the ugliness of life to transform us into the beautiful image of Christ we were originally made to bear." - Sally Clarkson, Own Your Life

As people wait in line at Chipotle, they can't help staring at our sweet daughter as she eats her delectable dinner of black beans. With her light blonde hair and big blue eyes, she's the most adorable little girl you've ever seen (and I'm not biased at all). But, cute as she is, there's not much that isn't covered in bean residue and smashed bits of food when she's finished. She's a beautiful mess.

And over the past 11 months, I've come to realize that my life looks an awful lot like my daughter after she enjoys her favorite food.

In 2014 my family struggled with many messy circumstances: two cancer diagnoses, the loss of a dear loved one, financial struggles and depression/anxiety - just to name a few. One crushing blow after another, it was easy to become discouraged and, slowly, my focus became all the imperfections and areas that needed cleaning up. I stopped seeing the beauty and simply couldn't wait until things were nice and neat again.

Oh what a wrong perspective! None of my circumstances were surprising to God, and He wasn't sitting around waiting on me to get it all together so that he could use me (which is a good thing, because just like with my kiddos, as soon as one mess is cleaned up, there's usually another one to be dealt with). No, what I have learned is that, much like the baby and toddler states, life is perpetually messy. However, when we submit to Him and His will for our lives God takes our messes and uses them to make something beautiful. Even in the midst of our imperfections and brokenness, and the hard and ugly parts of life, God sees his beautiful children and He brings purpose and meaning and uses us, before we are even cleaned up.

In 2015 a lot of my circumstances haven't changed. We are still walking through some hard things, but we are not walking alone.

God is with us, and he is using Sally's book to challenge me to own my life and give it to him - messes and all.

Shelly Richardson and her sweet children.

“And the very difficulties we want to escape can be over come when we face them head-on.” Sally Clarkson, Own Your Life. 

On any given day, between special needs kids and chronic health issues, you might just walk into my house and find that toys are strewn across the floor. It is like a scene from Toy Story when Andy walks in the room and all the toys freeze and drop so as not to be seen alive. That’s my living room.

If you were to walk into the kitchen most likely there will be dishes piled high waiting their turn to feel new again.

Do NOT even ask to see the bedroom. That is where the clothes hide. Who knows if they are clean or dirty? The baskets have been pulled through, dumped out and put back so many times there really is no telling.

It’s okay to want to run, most days I want to run, too. But this what I am learning.

This is my beautiful mess.

The beautiful life that God has given me. I am so far from perfect, and I mess up 2,146 times a day, but God…

What are the messes or stresses you struggle with every day? How are you finding God's grace to face them and how do you learn to live with contentment and joy anyway?

A New Year Brings Freedom, Life, Celebration: Own Your Dancing Spirit

Poster by Gretchen Roberts

As I ponder a new year, I want there to be more freedom--more grace--more life, for me and for my sweet friends.

I ask you, humbly today, to bear with a ramble of thoughts and words, for so it is.

Being immersed in beauty, pink sunsets, crisp breezes blowing in the trees, walking in the quiet of my mountains is almost a craving, a necessity of my soul. Free-spirited from birth, I love the wild, the vast color of God in creation. It matches my personality and suits my soul. I have to get away from the grasp that culture sometimes has on me,  to be able to breathe in God's presence.

Now in my 60's, I am reflecting more on what really matters in life and reflect on what is really true.

Today in church, I spent half of my time making faces at the baby in front of me in the arms of a parent to see if I could keep her happy--her little smiles gave me such pleasure.

A few days ago, I came upon an unsuspecting child of mine who was singing at lung-tops and dancing around the living room--I joined in enthusiastically.

As I  survey the landscape of people I have known, very few really seem to have stilled their soul enough before Him to be amazed, and to live in the freedom and generous love He provides every day--to have that excitement bubbling up because of the fun, life, beauty that comes from knowing Him and living fully alive in His creation.

To dance, sing, laugh uncontrollably, to love deeply, to drink from the pleasure of life He has allowed, even in the midst of the fallen places-this is to know Him and His presence every day.

Yet, surrounded by people who know how to be good but who seem uptight and judgmental, kills my soul; who know many rules they live by and talk about them; who pressure their children to behave by forcing themselves upon them because they are bigger--but these parents seem to lose their children's hearts or neglect to enjoy the antics of their childish personalities. The priority, instead, is to have their children fit into the box of their preconceived expectations--and that just does not work.

Some define themselves by the name of their church, but Jesus will define them by how much they loved.

These, who energetically espouse what their brand of Christianity is; or the boxes they live by; or stand in judgment the people that don't live by their rules,

condemning the lost for being lost, when only God can do so--

I have been there, done that--but legalism kills the heart and spirit of life. Rules are broken because we can never be perfect--and neither can anyone that we love, be perfect.

So living by works, and then the circle of disappointment that ensues, only creates more of a sense of failure and hopelessness.

But I long to be with those who live in mystery and have learned a little about it over the years. The mystery of His infinite wisdom, glory, power, and willingness to do miracles through those who are looking and listening for Him. This is what I love, long for and wanted to pass to my own children-

not laws about Him, but the Love, wisdom and beauty that moves Him.

I do not look at limited me--but I live, as His toddler, growing little by little, and knowing He will hold me, protect me, love me, because it is His nature and he is  a good Father who will see to the well-being of his immature toddler.

Religion does not satisfy

But, really, no wonder Christianity has not had an impact in our generation--we are offering a religion but not a person; things to do, but not one who transforms and heals hearts.

What a waste of time. God is not impressed by how well we know the rules or by how hard we try to keep the law. He came so that we did not have to strive so hard, because He knew we would never succeed in life without His power and redemption.

But, when I am in the presence of one who has been with Him, whose life has been changed by His unconditional, gentle, generous love, then my soul is fueled to be in that company. 

When one has walked in the presence of the Servant King and been loved and served by Him, one is different.

When I am in the presence of one who is filled with His life, it causes a burning and excitement in my own soul.

What troubles my heart greatly.......

However, I am deeply troubled by the people I am surrounded by who seem to live in bondage--unnecessary bondage of inadequacy, and always feeling the weight of their own shortcomings and sin upon their own back.

Bondage of fear of what might happen in life, or to children, or to finances.

Bondage to flesh--trying to put more effort into doing it right, striving to achieve a holy life, trying to be a perfect mom or wife or friend and failing again and again.

Bondage of the expectations of others--performing by other's standards and boxes and opinions or the bitterness of others who have wounded them.

Such a waste of energy and life for precious people who do not have to live that way.

And living in the bondage of performance and works makes living through marriage, friendship, mothering children--from young, teens to adulthood, impossibly difficult, because there is no formula that covers all the possibilities, temptations and experiences, so formulas and rules will always disappoint and confuse. 

It is only faith in the One who knows, that gives freedom to live apart from bondage.

Jesus just does not want us to live in defeat.

At 60, I I know more than ever before, I still can't be perfect--but I am more grateful for His provision and love and seek to live in His grace and deep gratitude for what He gives.

All of these things flurry around and create voices in our heads and weigh down souls and leave darkness, unless we choose to live in the light.

But where He is, there is unimaginable splendor and light. He came because the people living in darkness needed a great light.

He is the light and sparkle of the world.

I call the Christians who live by so many rules and isms and pressure, the ones in the Christian Bubble.

My children have laughed at me this week because they noticed so often I say, "I just hate the bubble." and they know what I mean.

So, though I could write volumes and thousands of words some day and be more organized with these thoughts, but I am off to celebrate life with my sweet ones present in my home.

But this year, this new year,  I wish you, and pray for you peace--rest--grace--freedom.

I am going to spend some time today putting my finger on those things that steal my joy, that take from my love, faith and freedom and then make a new plan to be in the mystery and glory of His presence and joy more often every day, so that when people are in my presence, they may draw from Him who is there, alive and fresh and powerful and mysterious.

"It was for freedom that Christ has set us free, therefore keep standing firm that you may not be subject to a yoke of slavery." Galatians 5:1

May this new year, mark a beginning of a new time, when you and I invest in Him, and in the reality of His kingdom. And daily may we celebrate His magnificent love, that others may be blessed in the shadow of our lives that crosses their paths

And stand firm in the freedom that we were meant to experience.

Confessions of a Prodigal Son: Believe forward in Your Children's Dreams

"Mom, I really think God wants me to be in the film industry and become an actor, or writer or both and tell great stories that inspire people."

At almost 18, Nathan had been working on dreams since he was a little boy. To me, his dream seemed like a little boy who wanted to be the quarter-back of a professional football team--it would pass, it was not possible.

Yet, the Holy Spirit gently touched my heart and said, "Believe in his heart dreams. He is mine. I may have put them there."

And so I prayed, supported, encouraged, helped, and by faith and trepidation, Clay and I let him go to New York at 19 for a year at the New York Film Academy where he had actually won a partial scholarship.

Now, after many years of being faithful, cultivating his talent, living literally as a starving artist, Nathan is watching God move mountains as his very first attempt to write a screen play, raise finances, gather actors and film makers and photographers, and working and working and praying and praying, his first film is going to be released in March, with 6 theater showings earlier.

I am so excited about this movie. What a perfect time for believers everywhere to support a movie with a timeless story of redemption, hope, and love. I am hoping that thousands of people--including you--will help me spread the word about this movie all over the world!

LIKE THIS PAGE ON FACEBOOK!

Nathan and lovely Rachael, his wife, have seen so many lost youth in Hollywood, many prodigals from homes where their mothers and fathers pray for their return. They star in the main roles with Kevin Sorbo.

 

The Trailer

Confessions of a Prodigal Son is a modern-day retelling of the Prodigal Son story that Jesus told reflecting the Father's love and desire to see His children come home to Him.

It is a coming-of-age tale following Sean (Nathan Clarkson) as he rebels and leaves his home, family and father (Kevin Sorbo) to figure out life on his own. Two years later--while still on the journey to find life's answers--Sean suddenly finds himself questioning everything he thought he knew as he is confronted by a professor (Darwin Harris) who challenges Sean to see his life as a story; a best friend (Azel James) walking a dangerous path; and a strong and beautiful young woman (Rachael Lee) who is on her own journey to answers. Each one of these elements causes Sean to greater examine the choices he is making.

The story is one of drama, laughter, relationships, faith, and redemption, ultimately asking the question "Can broken stories have happy endings?"Appropriate for teens and up. Original music by Nathan Clarkson, Joel Clarkson.

SELECT SHOWINGS FOR SPRING 2015, MORE INFO COMING SOON:

Atlanta, GA     |     Colorado Springs, CO     |     Dallas, TX     |     Nashville, TN     |     Orange County, CA

DVD's will be for purchase March 24. This movie will be shown wherever films are distributed and sold in local stores.

Will you please consider supporting Nathan's film by: 1. Sharing and liking His fan page

2. Share the Home Page (http://www.confessionsofaprodigalson.com/)with your friends.

3. Pray for God to bless this release everywhere it goes to reach prodigals who are longing to come home

4. Leave a comment for Nathan so he can be encouraged!

To read more about the movie and to see the actors in the movie, go HERE

You will see Nathan, Rachael and Kevin Sorbo, from God is not Dead, in a story that will remind you of God's heart to reach and redeem those who are lost and seeking a way home.

Thanks for sharing! Support Faith Based Movies by telling  your friends. And know we appreciate you!