Find a Local MomHeart Community

Don’t these women look like they are enjoying their tea break from work in a munitions factory (1944)?  We all need a break from the difficult work and loneliness that are a part of daily life.  When my life feels impossible, I want to be able to enjoy friends and fellowship like these ladies!

Women are made for friendship, camaraderie, sharing everything together and supporting each other--always and forever. Women are the very best of friends, I think!

Jennie Nelson, my dear friend, shares my heart for gathering women and forming deep connections and friendships. After several years of waiting and faithfully serving at our conferences and behind the scenes, Jennie is now leading the initiative to equip Mom Heart Groups by organizing women all over the world. I'm so thankful she has offered to share with you here today about how to find Mom Heart groups in your area or start a group of your own. I know her words will do your heart good!

From Jennie:

“Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.”  Hebrews 10:23-25

In Hebrews 10, God shows us how to hold fast to our hope, and stir up love and good works.  That is, by assembling together.  We need to fellowship together with those who love God.  So, how do we find others with whom to assemble?

One way to find like-minded friends is to gather regularly to read and discuss a book together.   We call these groups Mom Heart Groups.  A Mom Heart Group is a gathering of women committed to restoring mothers’ hearts to God’s heart for motherhood.  Around the world, there are hundreds of Mom Heart Groups ministering to women in their communities. My local Mom Heart Group has been an incredible blessing as I settle into life in a new state.  They are my closest friends, inspirations and mentors.  We encourage each other, laugh, cry and serve together.  Romans 12:15-16a says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another.”  This has certainly been true in my experience.

These are women from four different Mom Heart groups in two different states enjoying the Mom Heart Conference Feb. 2015

 Are you interested in finding a local Mom Heart Group?  We have set up a Facebook group where you can search for a local group or let others know about your existing group.   Please join us!  We have already had several women in different parts of the country get connected to a local Mom Heart Group.

The Lord says that when we speak of Him together, He will listen in.  What a special gift to give each other- the Lord’s ear as we speak to one another!

“Then those who feared the Lord spoke to one another, And the Lord listened and heard them; So a book of remembrance was written before Him For those who fear the Lord And who meditate on His name” Malachi 3:16

Will you find one other woman or a group of women and begin to “assemble together” and “speak to one another?”  It will be like honey to your souls.

Sally and Clay have written an incredible resource for anyone who would like more information about how to start, lead and tend a Mom Heart Group.  Taking Motherhood to Hearts is a concise guide to everything you need to know to facilitate a group.  It answers the common questions and fears as well as gives practical ideas of what a group could look like.   Many women or two, in a home or coffee shop, morning or evening… the possibilities are endless!

Sally and I have been friends for several years because someone once handed me one of her books.  Giving a book to someone who needs encouragement is a great way to inspire them and to be able to talk about the issues of motherhood.

My motherhood has been impacted mightily for the kingdom through Sally’s writing and mentoring.  I am thrilled to help Mom Heart Ministries by facilitating the Mom Heart Groups Facebook page, as well as helping on other projects.  I live in Boise, Idaho, making a life of books, art, and legos with my engineer husband, our two precious boys and my dear mother.  I enjoy leading Mom Heart Groups and mentoring new leaders in order to share some of what the Lord has given me.

Amazingly, over 35 new groups have started since the launch of Own Your Life and are reading that together. Maybe you would like to start a group in your area or on social media! Jennie will help you put your group together! Join our network now and become a part of a mom movement!

Own Your Whole Life: Living into Your Own Unique Puzzle

         GOD WANTS TO DRAW YOU FORWARD                TO NEW POSSIBILITIES

                    CREATIVITY

                        HOPE

                          INSPIRATION

                             AND COURAGE.

                    SALLY CLARKSON

                   #OWNYOURLIFEBOOK

Hearing the beautiful, varied and inspiring stories of my sweet friends encourages me so much to keep believing in God for my own story. I am also reminded again and again, how different a puzzle each of us holds in our hands to live out, by faith, for His glory. My Precious friend, Tricia Goyer, is so bold in her faith, generous in her ministry, encouraging in friendship. I hope her story encourages many of you wherever you find yourself to Own Your Whole Life.

I entered into motherhood with a lot of shame, pain, and regret. I was seventeen years old when I had my son Cory. I'd gotten pregnant during my senior year in high school. And before that I had an abortion at 15.

Shame, pain and regret is a heavy thing to carry around, even as your body is expanding with a growing child within. There's a battle inside to give your child the love he deserves, while at the same time seeing the stares and overhearing the whispered words of those who are greatly aware of your “mistake.”

Tricia at 17 with her precious new baby, Cory. Aren't they precious?!

 I became a Christian during my pregnancy, and I had my son one month before my eighteenth birthday in June of 1989, but that didn't stop me in feeling as if I had to prove myself to the world. As a young mom I felt I needed to prove that I hadn't messed my life up completely, and that I could raise my child well. That's a lot of pressure to put on a young woman … and her child.

I got married to a wonderful Christian man when Cory was little, and we had two more children, but I couldn't get past the fact that I'd ended the life of a baby. I regretted that decision every day of my life. I also never felt like a “good mom” because I'd started so young.

Then, in 1996 I attended a Bible Study, using the book Forgiven and Set Free. The book is for women who've had abortions. For the first time I truly felt God's forgiveness, and I forgave myself. The cloak of shame I'd been lugging around my shoulders was replaced with a cloak of light, truth and joy.

I started leading post-abortion Bible Studies, and before long my pastor approached and asked me to help start a crisis pregnancy center. I didn't feel I had the time, talent, or ability. I was a homeschooling mom of three school-age kids, and I'd just started to get articles published in magazines, yet after praying God made it very clear that he was calling me to this. I needed to be there to help give truth and hope to young women facing a crisis pregnancy. I needed to provide the help that I never received.

The pregnancy center started strong, and God blessed our efforts, but guilt continued to plague me—only this time it was a different type of guilt. You see, because I was serving at the center, I often took my young kids will me. At ages 10, 7 and 5-years-old, they were there as we remodeled an old Victorian house into our offices. They helped babysit during Teen mom support groups. I felt guilty because I didn't have time to take them to the park or to make homemade play dough. I felt guilty because they had to serve.

It was only years later—as my children grew—that I realized their service had been important training in godliness. They learned to care for people different than them. They'd learned compassion and care. They'd experienced first hand how God's forgiveness could transform lives. They became first row spectators on what it looked like to serve God and others. And as they grew they began serving in their own ways—in children's ministry, in our church, and within our family. My daughter even became a missionary, traveling to the other side of the world to share Christ with those who need truth and hope. She's now engaged to a Czech man plans to serve in the Czech Republic for all of her life.

What God showed me through this journey of service is that His transformation and redemption in me wasn't just about me. It was about those I served, and about my children becoming part of that service.

I thought I was ruining my children's life by trailing them along with me. Instead, I was modeling how to serve God with our whole hearts. It's one of the best lessons that I taught during my homeschooling years—and I didn't even know it.

My sweet friend Sally Clarkson wrote a wonderful book can Own Your Life, and it explores how God can use you. It explains what a life lived well really looks like. (I love that book!) And if you have a story similar to me, I want to encourage you to Own Your {Whole} Life. Don't carry around pain, shame and regret like I did for so many years. Don't let the lies of the enemy make you feel that you have to “prove yourself” as a good mom. Also know that if God calls you to serve those who are facing the same pain and shame, then He has a purpose for your children, too. Your service is a model for them. And in ways that you might not see for many years, your service and passion will become theirs. They will be trained on what loving God and loving others looks like, and God will be able to use that in their future in more ways than you can imagine. Take my word on that.

I love Tricia's newest book, just for young single moms. Buy HERE

Gentleness, the Surprise Peacemaker

Hugh Cameron, Scottish Painter

“A gentle answer turns away wrath. But harsh words make tempers flare.” Proverbs 15:1

 Standing in the hallway of the hotel where we were hosting our mom’s conference, I noticed a sweet mama who looked as though she was at the end of her rope. Holding a several months old baby, who was arching his little back and crying as though his heart would break, she looked beside herself.

Offering to hold her little one so she could get some rest. Sure enough he would begin to quiet and then something, probably a little girgly tummy, would cause him to begin to wail once again. I held him up, check to cheek, his to mine, with my mouth aimed toward his little ear.

Softly I began to talk to him and then I would sing the song so often sung to my children, “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,” very softly, very gently. He would quiet down. Then another cry would begin, and I would talk to him very softly, “You are not alone, you are so very precious, you are a darling boy,” lyrically in a sing-songy voice, holding his soft cheek so he could feel mine. Each time my voice started, his little eyes got big and he would quiet.

Suddenly, he fell fast asleep. I know how the precious mama felt as all of us have had over-wrought babes who would not fall asleep.

At times, our own tears and dark moods, or the mis-behavior of our children, does not require correction, but requires understanding, sympathy or even just sleep. How many times has a long night of uninterrupted sleep made me a better, more patient mama?

Same for our husband and children. Sometimes the need is gentle, generous, love and compassion--For me,  when someone actually pays attention to my felt need, my anger is dispelled. Same with all people.

Whether my children were young and tiny or old, and if they were in a snit, if I wrapped my demeanor, by my will, in softness and gentleness and answered their anger in a gentle voice, non-accusing eyes, they were more likely than not to listen to me and to respond.

"I have some fresh chocolate cookies. How about if you and I have a snack on the porch. I want to know what you are really thinking." (To a teen boy who was frustrated and taking it out on the others.)

“Let's sneak into my room for a cup of tea and have some alone-friendship time!" To a preteen child who was getting lost in our loud crowd.

Gently picking up an exhausted, over-stimulated toddler, I would snuggle and begin to make up a song with their name in it and walk to their room for a snuggle or rocking time with songs. "Joel is the cutest boy in the world, he sings and builds cars and lego cities, too. I love my Joely boy and think he is the best." (I would make up songs and sing them with their stories and names and they would quiet to hear what was coming about them."

Angry words answered with loud voice and accusation,  frustration or pouring on guilt, just adds fuel to the flame of anger or frustration our children are already feeling. Gentleness and sympathy puts water on the fire of one’s angry heart, and soothes the frustrated feelings.. Once I had this scripture in my head and learned to use it in many relationship situations, I saw how effective this piece of wisdom was—all of us desire, in our frustration, to be honored.

There is no absolute solution or formula to calming an angry quarrel. Yet, wisdom from proverbs has often saved the moment for my family.

A hormonal teen, an exhausted toddler, a school-aged child, or a husband who is angry—all of these, long to be treated with focused attention, an understanding heart and a loving response.

A gentle response, an "I understand," or "I empathize and sympathize with your situation, and want to help soothe your feelings," is sometimes the most effective way to reaching a heart. If a child or an adult is already angry, they cannot listen until they think they are understood or loved. Gentleness opens hearts, gives grace, soothes tempers.

To be gentle, you must be more concerned with bringing peace than being right and self-righteous. Gentleness requires humility--the humility that says, "I am more concerned about your well-being and long term emotional or spiritual health than I am about getting rid of the problem or drain that you are."

Jesus said about Himself, "I am humble and meek, learn from me."

Merriam Webster defines meek as,"having or showing a quiet and gentle nature : not wanting to fight or argue with other people"

Though Jesus was the all-powerful God who controls the universe, the only perfectly righteous God, He said, "I am humble and meek. (gentle) Learn from me."

As we all know, it is natural to react in like—anger to anger. However, it is from the Spirit of Him who is love that leads us to react in love. And yet, as the Spirit lives through us, we will see His power and fruit drawing others to Him in us, when we choose to remember bits of truth he has left for us to follow. A gentle answer, turns away anger.

Gentleness grows stronger with practice. It comes with humility. It grows as wisdom and takes root in the heart that values the ones she loves. May God grant us to become gentle in our love, that others may see Him through us.

When Dark Clouds of Life Threaten to Overwhelm

"For even when we came into Macedonia, our flesh had no rest, but we were afflicted on every side: conflicts without, fears within.  But God, who comforts the depressed, comforted us by the coming of Titus; and not only by his coming, but also by the comfort with which he was comforted in you, as he reported to us your longing, your mourning, your zeal for me; so that I rejoiced even more." II Corinthians 7: 5-7

Seems like always around conference season, my life heats up. Stresses, challenges, issues, that threaten the peace of my life, come to distract and cause fear. I am a retreater. When troubles come, I want to run away from people.

However, after 18 years of troubles during this ministry season, I have come to deal with it better more quickly. Do difficulties and hurts still challenge my life and create pain, doubt and insecurity? Of course. But my habit has grown over the years, to come to Him, pour out my heart, release it and give it to Him, and then walk forward by faith--faith that eventually it will all turn out ok, that He is good, that I have this moment to worship Him, that I will learn and be more humble.

Storms are inevitable.

Nature sings a sad song when the storm clouds gather and threaten our safe lives.

In Seasons of a Mother's Heart, many years ago, I wrote a chapter about myself when I had been almost immobilized with a feeling of darkness. I was lying on my bed in the afternoon as the sun was going down and I had the thought that I wanted just to stay there and disappear into the darkness. I then thought, I hope no one in the house finds me. I still remember that day and a number of other times when I felt so discouraged in my life that I felt, for the moment, hopeless and defeated.

Part of the seasons of life, as we grow and mature, as we learn more deeply the battle at hand in this fallen world and it crashes into our personal lives, we find ourselves sometimes immobilized, exhausted and weary. The winters, when storms seem to loom large in our lives, God sees us still and loves us so compassionately, even when we do not know.

I remember that in Anne of Green Gables, Marilla, the woman who adopted Anne, had said to her, "To despair is to turn your back on God."

It always made me feel a little guilty, because I had felt despair many times in my life. Often, when a mom reads my chapter in Seasons about my deep darkness, she will say, "That is just how I feel!" And then, "It helped me to know that others had felt that way, too."

Yet, I think, in reality, that if we are following God's will, difficulty and discouragement will be a regular part of our lives. 

I actually had to admit, that when I read the passage by Paul, in II Corinthians, about his being depressed, it made me feel better about myself--after all if Paul, the great hero of the faith, had been depressed, then maybe there was hope for me.

I discovered that it is not a sin to be discouraged or depressed, but our response to it is what determines our long term well-being.

God made me an idealist. I love the idea of life being romantic and everything turning out happily ever after. I would like to have raised my children in a g-rated world. I would have liked to have a perfect family and good support systems and a really good church fellowship to be a part of, and a Pollyanna community who reciprocated to me in friendship and fellowship and no financial stress or relationship stress or, or, or! How I wish I could wave a magic want and make all people mature, kind, loyal, loving--especially those who call themselves Christians.

But, alas, I cannot make others be mature, and we cannot control the lack of faith, the unkindness, the rejection of the world. I can only choose to practice maturity, grace, love and peace-making. And my choice becomes a gift of my faith to God.

Yet, I have also realized that if I am hammered enough, I eventually become softer. And this process has made me more pliable in God's hands.

I think that this was the hardest thing for me over the years. I just wasn't expecting life to be so hard. I didn't know mothering would be so taxing. I didn't understand that the culture was going so post modern, in exactly the opposite direction than Clay and I were leading our family. I also didn't know or understand the constant work load and wasn't trained to do it. I wasn't prepared for real life--and that was one of the most common sources of my difficulty.

It was sweet, though, to see that Paul said, "God comforts the depressed."

I have also realized that it is so important for me to understand that God doesn't get some kind of perverted pleasure in watching His sweet children suffer. He is not a cosmic being that says, "Ok, now that you have decided to commit yourself to me to raise godly children, I am going to make your life just as hard for you as I can to punish you for seeking to be so godly."

God is a loving Father, and just as we want our children to be happy and to see their lives blessed, so that is His will. After all, He made a perfectly beautiful garden as a place for His first children to live. He walked in this garden looking for their companionship and willing to give His unconditional love.

During my quiet time this week, I noticed a phrase that was in the psalms several times,

Righteousness and justice are the foundation of your throne. Unfailing love and truth walk before you as attendants." Psalm 89:14

Another version says, "Lovingkindness and truth go before thee."

Lovingkindess goes wherever God goes.

He loves us and wants the best for us and He is the creator of happiness and joy. Yet, we are living in a very fallen world, in which most of the world, is in rebellion to God and His ways and as scripture says, the ruler of this world, Satan, is determined to devour us. Jesus said, "I will be with you always, even to the end of the world. He is with us, His lovingkindness is over us. 

So the first thing I need to realize and acknowledge is that God is good and that He wants me to experience joy and happiness. That scares some people. They feel that there is such a distance between us and God that it is presumptuous for us to celebrate God's goodness. Yet, David rightly said, "In His presence is fullness of joy and in his right hand, pleasures evermore!" Evermore, yet! Pleasures it says! God created us to enjoy beauty, to feel happy in being loved, to accomplish great things, to sing deeply in our hearts, to laugh heartily at jokes, to enjoy eating great feasts and to enjoy warm, fluffy covers as we snuggle up on a cold winter's night.

Yet, we are in a battle ground, where the booty is human allegiance and souls.

Especially as moms, we are in a battle for our children's hearts. A battle is difficult, hard, challenging, and relentless and often deadly. So, understanding the nature of the battle is helpful.

I can see that, in spite of the many seasons of depression and struggle, God had been faithful to me. He strengthened my hands, so to speak, in the midst of my trials and has increased my capacity to work. He stretched me and gave me more ability to be patient. He used these difficult times to mold me more into the image of Christ. The end result is, that little by little, I am becoming a person I always wanted to be, but it has happened in the midst of submitting to God's will, even in the midst of difficulties.

Even a couple of weeks ago, I was momentarily caught in a "many years old relationship" in which I had been rejected, sometimes just marginalized,  and was being rejected one more time-which heralded me back to many such memories of such rejection. I was amazed at how quickly the darkness descended.

Yet, I decided that I didn't need to stay in that place and rehearse all the past hurts. But, I turned my heart to God and asked Him for perspective and to show me how to be thankful for His presence, truth and reality in the midst of it. He immediately helped me to see how he had used this in my life to really show me what it really looked like to be loving.

He showed me how very grateful I had become for those in my life who really did love me and showed  love and loyalty to me. He reminded me how much I was able to understand other hurting women, because of my own past hurt, and how it had become a part of my ministry message to help others find a way out.  He gave me the freedom to understand that I could be happy and free, even if the unloving people in my life never changed--I was not responsible for their bad attitudes, but only to keep my own pure and free from bitterness.

I also was prompted by the Holy Spirit to redeem the day.

I am sure many in my life think that flowers, candles and cups of tea or mugs of coffee are frivolous or non-essential. But many of my years and days were so taxing, it was a sort of way for me to physically depict, "I will not give into darkness. I will beautify. I will create the life I need to go forward right now."

Sometimes it was a trip away to get out of the house to a park, or cafe, or for a hike. Other times it was a movie, an indoor tea time or whatever I needed to lift my spirits, so to speak, so that I could keep going forward.

We read that David encouraged himself in the Lord--He helped himself. And so as life-artists, we can create some beauty that will help us to move forward--to light a candle in our darkness.

What could have been a bad day for me, spent trying to figure out the unloving person who often changed our plans and rejected us,  and left us in the lurch, turned into a sweet memory with my children. We watched an episode of a lovely series online. (Larkrise to Candleford), made a hot berry crisp, lit candles and had a fun afternoon.

I wouldn't have asked for these experiences, these difficulties. I do not desire conflict and I pray for an easier, beautiful life, at times.

But because He is good, He used them for my benefit as I kept putting one foot in front of the other. It helped me to understand the Romans passage that says, "God causes all things to work together for good for those who are called according to His purpose."

The depressed moments of my life are the places He built my humility and my humanity--that I deeply needed someone to help, longed for compassion and understanding, and hungered for  love--that I was at the end of my rope. And He used the memories of these times,  to help me to have compassion for others who also sometimes walk in darkness.

The winters of life will indeed pass, and when spring comes, our roots will be deeper and our hearts will be stretched to love more and to appreciate the fact that we are never alone, but always, He sees and will be present with us every day.

The Secret of Creating Rest When Life Exhausts A Lady!

Ernest Ange Duez

Me, after a conference weekend! :)

Do you ever feel this way? What a silly question! Of course you do.

Today, I returned from the Texas conference with 3 national conferences, my book launch and all the rest of life. Today, I stayed in my jammies forever, did not unpack, and got very little accomplished. Sometimes rest is the most holy way to live life.

Why do we sometimes feel guilty when we rest? Monitoring my body, my emotions, my heart, my moods, my strength is something I have had to learn over the years. Often women feel guilty for stopping, but if a mom runs on empty for too long, she will be running on fumes and eventually crash and burn.

What an incredible weekend in Texas! Despite the snow and ice, over 600 moms made it to the hotel after all. I love the life, love and beauty that I always see at the mom's conferences each year. With kindred spirit mamas and friendship and time together over ideals, inspiration and the Word, it is as though the Lord Himself is knitting hearts together and building strength amongst us.

Eternity will be changed forever. Children's stories and legacy will be different because we paused in our lives to remember what His word says about the importance of family, discipleship, love and faith.

However, we return home and are reminded that all of mama-hood and life and marriage and home are filled with constant drain.

Sometimes, when we have piles of responsibility on our plate, we start to place a lot of energy, worry and fear into the "issues" of our lives, and we start to fret.  And then there are those weeks of illness or moving or company or, or, or

The last thing that seems productive when life is busy is to rest.

Yet, rest may very well be the most strategic thing to do if we have a busy, full and demanding life.

If we do not practice a habit of a restful life, we will end up with serious illness, exhaustion, bad attitudes and fist-shaking faith aimed heavenward.

 As I have said before, one of my most useful memory verses is, "Fretting leads only to evil doing." (Reflection of Psalm 37:8!)

God put Sabbath rest into the weeks of our lives with a purpose. It is not just a Sunday thing--it is a principle of stopping when life has drained too much.

I have found that when I believe and engage my heart in the goodness of God's character, and place into the file drawers of heaven all that I am carrying and worrying about, including the lists of all that I have to do,  I begin to find peace.

When I find myself depleted, I stop and take stock of what is going on in my life.  I place the worries and anxieties in heaven. I simplify my schedule. I plan a snack-style dinner, maybe crackers and cheese or fruit and toast, and break out the paper plates. I take a day off from regular commitments and plan to be still. The next day, I again put away normal commitments in order to attack the demanding tasks that are increasing my burden. But into my day I also plan simple pleasure--making time for several coffees or cups of tea, having a nap, watching a show or reading a magazine--which gives the little break I know I need.

When my children were little, on these burned-out days, I would do whatever would free me for just a time--bubbles would be brought out,  or a long bath with new bath toys, a Winnie the Pooh cartoon,  a trip to the frozen yogurt cafe, or a quick jaunt to the park or playground--I crafted a way I might have a break from the banter and demands.

Refueling just a little to find joy, create pleasure and celebrate life in the midst of all the demands helps fill my heart up just enough to begin seeing light at the end of my tunnel.

Slowly, I would begin see the miracles bubbling up ... slowly, surely; He, my Father, delights to provide when I take time to breathe, listen, and rest from the daily grind.

 A Martha heart, frenetically busy, won't see the miracles of God, as she is so busy living in the whirlwind of her own making and subsisting in her own meek provisions that she loses all hope and becomes a wretched nag.

The more exhausted I am with life, the more tense, grumpy and tight I become and it spills all over everyone else.

Finding myself at a juncture of exhaustion from giving all that I have (Thursday-Sunday) to the sweet, wonderful  mamas in my conferences has taught me to take a break, sleep, do something fun and distracting, and give margin to my weary body.

I find that somehow when I try to figure out all of the responsibilities and listen to the litany of the duties of next few months, which are huge, I am tempted to be overwhelmed.

Yet, from so many times like this in the past, I have learned a secret. My Prince Jesus comes to me at just the right time. Like the story of Sleeping Beauty, the prince comes not when she is searching the horizon, pounding her fists, running the floor,

Henry Maynell Rheam

But the prince comes when the princess is asleep, and doing nothing but resting.

Resting in Him, choosing peace and putting off responsibilities and recreating can be such grand medicine for my soul, that after choosing to rest and to invest in fun and love and ease of life, my strength is renewed and all life's issues can be faced with grace.

I know duty is bound to come, but I will face it with courage tomorrow  if I rest today, when my body demands it.

And so today, my plan is to go back to bed, to pace leisurely through the pathway of Monday, to sip and really taste my coffee, to just sit and listen to my sweet girls and Joel  and really look into their hearts and eyes; to call Clay at the office just to say "hi"--and remember that both he and they are also tired; to focus on the beauty of their light-filled eyes; to stay in comfy clothes all day-- listen to music, watch a fun movie, read and pray--and then maybe to rest again, because I know that while I am resting, my Prince is already coming to my rescue, because He has my back covered.

I am so much nicer when I am rested--and when I am nicer, I feel better about myself--which makes everyone happier.

Peace, be still, the Lord is near.

Holding Fast Through the Storms of Life: Preparing to Stand Strong

Jan Porcelles

Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if

we do not grow weary."

Galatians 6:9

I think I watched too many romanticized movies or read too many novels when I was growing up. Somehow I came into motherhood, marriage and adult life expecting my existence to be rosy, sweet, loving, conflict-free, and Beaver-Cleverish.

"We will probably never have a fuss," I said to an older friend as I was entering into marriage. I just knew there would be no conflict! Didn't take long before I broke that expectation.

Often, when all four kids would have respiratory issues, ear infections and keep me sleepless for days at a time, I would be overwhelmed because I wasn't expecting it.

Church splits totally blew me out of the water because I had an expectation that all Christians would be loving and kind. The list goes on.

But since God's will for me was to grow up and grow stronger and wiser, instead of removing me from the conflicts, He walked me through them and I learned wisdom from lots of experiences--sometimes I learned by failing, sometimes I learned by just walking through them and realizing I was still alive at the other end.

But all the while, as Clay and I walked these challenging pathways, holding God's hand, our children were watching and learning and modeling our behavior. Not long ago, ...,

Sitting in the dark shadows of my small cozy library as the sun went behind the

mountain, found me and one of my older children talking quietly of struggles,

challenges, battles of life, and long term endurance. The deep friendship, shaped

over years of shared life, had knit our souls quite together.

I wasn't expecting this moment to be a memorable one. Just a normal moment in

the dusk of day, that shaped a soul-satisfying memory.

"Mama," my grown child tenderly whispered, "One of the greatest things you

have ever accomplished is to keep our family together through love, faith, laying

down your own life, and enduring with as much grace as Jesus could give you,

so that our lives could be whole, healthy and strong.

I know that only God will know the ways you have chosen to give and serve and forgive,  when you had to

make the choices to do so. But all of us kids have benefitted because you were

willing to weather the storms of life for us and hold us together."

Sometimes, I think mamas hold the whole world together. Their work is that

important.

Much of our lives as a family has been a battle through raging storms.

But, there are some amazing graces on this side of motherhood, when my four

children have reached adulthood---I don't have to go back through any of the

storms we barely weathered and much of my labor is behind me. And from all of

it, I see four healthy, strong, vibrant young adults who are also my beloved

friends.

Life is a journey from our present lives,  to the future home Jesus is preparing for

us to live in, with Him, for all eternity. Our own lives are filled with storms and

gales and the blowing winds of a fallen world. Many times, unexpected gales of

life threaten to undo us and overcome us. I hardly know of a family who isn't

suffering through some sort of illness, loss of job, relationship heartbreak,

conflict and difficulties.

An illusion that some people have about our family is that it has ever been easy

for us to hold fast to ideals. Through 17 moves (5 international); clinical asthma

with three of my children; adhd and ocd to extremes in two children; illnesses,

financial issues, church splits, rejection from family members for ideals--so many

storms that I was never trained for or ready to live through. Then there were the

fusses, messes, long hours and no support systems.And then the weird children

and unusual parents--we are all a study in contrasts and misfits.

All family travel into the eyes of life-storms. It is not an evidence of a bad family,

it is the reality of a fallen world, with rebellion and fallenness evident with every

dark cloud.

And yet, wanting to love God and serve Him through it all, was the glue that

held me, us, our own family, together when life threatened to tear all of us

apart.

It is not the grand, noble accomplishments that are the most

profoundly valuable to God. It is the unnoticed, the invisible

practicing of being faithful, courageous when no one else is looking,

that become the jewels of our faith in the eyes of God.

Accepting a loud, boisterous child and seeking to be patient and gentle over and

over again, when feelings threatened to erupt into frustration and anger.

For the rest of this blog article, find me writing at The Better Mom today--and also discussing Own Your Life with the Book Club there. 

To read more about Owning Your Life amidst all of these seasons, go HERE

There is Not Enough Time in LIfe to Waste It on Stress

Many years ago, our family left the city where we were living, all the stresses, duties, chores, tension of living in close quarters with too many sinful people, .....We left our life amongst the world of responsibility and the closer we drove into the cool, refreshing mountain air, away from traffic, noise, our hearts began to rest and breathe.We had piled in our car to drive up into the foothills of the Rocky Mountains to have an evening exploring the stars with beloved friends in the backyard of their mountain home that bordered the national forest. I have written the story in a chapter in Own Your Life.

The grandeur of that evening still lives in my heart. 

The spectacular views of the twinkling stars above contrasted with the sparkling city lights below, and viewing an amazing sight in the lens of a telescope looking into the heavens, gave me a different perspective of my life. I was so hyper-focused on the mundane, the immediate, the work of life, and yet there was so much more of beauty, light, life to be tasted, experience, enjoyed every day, but I could not see it because the false lights of the world and the noisy voices of others had drowned out the beauty of God.

Bible stories really are amazing. We identify with the characters that lived, we struggle with the same things, we have the same excuses.

"But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him and said, 'Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me.' But the Lord answered and said to her, 'Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her." -Luke 10:40-42

Sometimes I wonder, how did I get to this season of my life? I meant to enjoy each day, to remember each funny antic of my darling children, to memorize the golden moments that had made the love in our home so special to my heart.

 Did I remember to enjoy this day or was I in a hurry? Now it is gone.

 Much of my life was lived at such a pace, however, that I felt like I was always in a hurry to get some place or to complete a task. Perhaps in some ways, I was also trying to prove myself--to justify my decisions, to perform well. 

These overcommitted times turned me into more a drill sergeant  than a loving companion. How easy it is to focus on all of our "to do's" and to miss the magical moments of childhood and celebrating it together rather than gutting it out in frustration. How easy it is to focus on all of our "to do's" and to miss the magical moments of childhood and celebrating it together rather than gutting it out in frustration.

I am more aware than ever that life flies by. The most important investment I have made in my life is to seek to love deeply, when I took the time to do so. Learning this took time and a heart to learn to see what really mattered.

Loving my children and husband has required sacrificing my schedule and expectations in order to have time to listen, to be a friend, to share mutual joys and to cry together. Taking time to love well usually requires a simpler life that has the flexibility to cultivate "best friendships" with those are most dear. But, we live with such piles on our shoulders and feel so strongly the "Oughts" and "Must do's" that we work and work and work and exhaust ourselves and miss so much of life.

S-T-R-E-S-S!!!!!!

Statistics show that 88% of mothers feel severely stressed and overcome with anxiety due to poor time management and difficulty prioritizing. In a hectic world that is over-stimulated on our phones, computers, social media, and Starbucks addictions, are we losing sight of what is truly important in the midst of the balancing act? My mind ponders the fact that we were simply not designed to multitask to this extent. We often try so

to juggle one million ideals, and once we drop one of them, we feel defeated.

As mothers and wives, it is absolutely crucial that we learn to breath, relax, and focus in on what should be prioritized. Life is short and ideals are constantly interrupted, so be sure to focus on the most important. The people in our lives should be the priority. Do the priority people in your life (your children, your husband, your friends) feel that you are often distracted by all the things you do? Do they comment on how much they appreciate your ability to give full attention to them or do they complain that you are not listening?

Are you so stressed about making your home squeaky clean that you don't make time for game night or a stroll at sunset? Is your mind so preoccupied with getting back to the kitchen to clean all the dishes that you forget to actually enjoy dinner with your family? Did you fill your day with so many errands and "have-to's" that you ran out of energy to extend a kind word, an affectionate kiss and warm greeting to your husband? Are you so busy noticing the immature antics of your toddler or noisy boy or girl, that you have forgotten to really look at them and see the wonder of their unique personality and heart?

Indeed, we must learn to stop and smell the roses. God even made them smell like perfume, so that besides giving the vibrant reds to please our eyes, he gave them a fragrance that would engage our senses.

Psalm 90:10,12 tells us:

"As for our days, they contain 70 years or if due to strength, 80, but soon it is gone and will fly away. So teach us to number our days that we might present to you a heart of wisdom."

Worst of all, busyness is the neglect of our Father. He is so ready to give peace, to guide us in wisdom through His gentle voice, but if we do not still our souls, we are likely to get into a snit as Martha did. We create our own snits by refusing to take time to be comforted in the presence of our living, loving Father.

We must make time to sit at His feet so we don't get into a huff. If you are too busy, the consequences will be grumpiness, frustration, and missed opportunities.

What is causing you the most stress and depleting your life? What can you do about it?

Being women of wisdom means setting realistic goals so that we don't become drained. When we are constantly operating on a tank of gas that is almost empty, we have little in our hearts from which others may draw. It is so easy to listen to the voices of others and feel the guilt of performing up to other's expectations, instead of committing to the limitations and strengths of our own puzzle of life.

Make a list today of what you can reasonably accomplish and cut out those drainers that are unnecessary. What do you need to cut out? What do you need to add to your life to give your children more of a sense of love, peace and affection? Getting our priorities in order enables us to be better mothers, wives, friends, and women of God.

Today, each of has a choice--will we take time to celebrate the joys that God has provided? the beauty that He wants us to explore? The sweetness of intimacy that comes from investing heart time with those we love.

Take time to experience His pleasure. Remember:

"Taste and see that the Lord is good."

The chores and responsibilities will always be there, but the time to invest in the ones we love,

to look them in the eye,

to give an unexpected cheek kiss,

to laugh at the craziness of moments--

it will all be too soon  gone.

Today, own the moments of your life that you have been given--take them and celebrate them, because today will never come again.

Hedging your Marriage about to Keep it Strong

 

An unforgettable ride

Bumping along a rough country road, our view from the upper level of a double decker bus, was breath-taking in the late afternoon sun. Passing the ruins of empty convents and monasteries left as ghosts of a by-gone era brought a sense of mystery.  These had been the vibrant holding places for faith, sanctuary and community, but ordered destroyed by Henry the VIII. These scenes  allowed us to live into the history we had only read about in books. But amazing to us was something we had never before seen--rows and rows of hedges sometimes for miles without a break in the walls of greenery.

The 6 foot thick, 12 feet high walls of bushes cultivated over years, kept everything on the outside from getting in, while protecting everything within its borders. Cattle were kept inside, safe from wandering or the harm of attacking animals. Hedges guarded the borders of land, one family's home boundaries separated from another-a literal hedge of protection.

When we pulled into an ancient town, we peered out our window before disembarking and saw the most gorgeous flowering garden in view beside the bus. When we were down on the ground, the tall hedge blocked our view of the garden and we could no longer see what was inside.

Just as we began to pass by,  a small, wirey white-headed woman opened the front gate of the garden and came out into the road. I walked up to her and told her how lovely her garden appeared from our second story view on the bus.

"Oh, come in for a first hand look! I love to share its beauty."

Dozens of rose bushes in full bloom aglow with yellow, coral, reds of all shades, pink filled every corner of the garden. Tiny delicate blossoms of honey suckle, full sunflowers towering, a rainbow of mums clustered together filled the air with perfume as the autumn breeze swept gently over the plants.

"What is your secret to this splendid garden?"

"Honestly, I think the most profound but often invisible strength of my garden is the thick hedges that define the boundary of my garden. They protect all that is beautiful inside these walls from pests and predators that would destroy the beauty inside these walls.  Wind and storms do not sweep away the plants or diminish the leaves and growth, deer do not munch on the bulbs or eat the flowers down to the stubs, natural storms and threats at every point are kept at bay because of the protection of my hedges. Hedges protect the beauty, the growth, and give me a safe place where my plants can grow over time."

Marriage Needs to be protected, it needs to be hedged about by God's word, God's design so that there is accountability to living and choosing the right commitments and attitudes when temptations to compromise come. 

Recently, I was thinking about how this image is so clearly portrays how important hedges are to a strong marriage. The hedges of protection for my marriage have been holding my bond with Clay for many years.

There is a tall hedge of protection that has guarded my marriage for 33 years. This hedge is a wall of safety that has kept me from going outside its walls into the danger that lures one into the danger of the world, into the predators that would destroy marriage--adultery, a promise that perhaps happiness awaits outside the walls of marriage, there is a more perfect man--lover--somewhere else, vain imagination that promises happiness anywhere else, but provides only long term scars.

But my marriage hedge was built around our sacred relationship by vows made before God. The borders of our hedge, created by scripture itself, kept us moving within the boundaries of our marriage relationship, even when we would be tempted to discontent or a feeling of despair. Vows, scripture, God's desire and intention built the borders of our protective hedge.

"To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."

Sincerely, if naively, I had made these vows and intended to keep them forever.

My vows became a hedge that protected me from the danger of leaving the walls of safety that held our commitment together.

I made a vow before friends, family and most importantly, before God--and I knew from scripture that God holds us to our vows.

I wanted my integrity to match my words.

"If a man makes a vow to the LORD, or takes an oath to bind himself with a binding obligation, he shall not violate his word; he shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth." Numbers 30:2

I also knew that God said, "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." Matthew 19: 6

All marriages are a journey from our selfish ways towards a more mature, holy, person, eventually useful to God as we learn to yield our rights, one day at a time.

All marriages are an alliance between two sinful, limited people and so stress is inevitable. Conflict rubs deeply against our grain as we run into the stress of differing personalities, immature relational habits, faults and flaws of every kind.

When selfishness, hurt feelings, disappointment, misunderstandings, arguments, disagreements came through the different seasons, there was a hedge surrounding our relationship that kept me inside, and held me from wandering outside into places of danger.

I had made a vow to God that in this trust, I would be faithful, I would be true. Even when I did not feel like being mature or forgiving or respectful, the promise made kept me inside the boundaries of marriage, and instructed me to practice faithfulness. Learning to be a team with Clay instead of letting my individualism define my life, kept me moving towards unity, family community, becoming a part of each other's history  and story, built together over many years of faithful endurance.

Because I knew that God held vows seriously, when I was tempted to want escape, the hedges of my knowledge that loyalty in my marriage was to be for Him, my God enthroned in heaven, who had heard my vows, it protected me from going astray. The hedge reminded me to stay within the strong walls of His design, to live within the limitation of my own place.

We need to build strong hedges of character around all of our sacred relationships. Hedges that protect, that allow growth over seasons within its walls, that give protection from the voices, dangers and temptations outside its walls, so that we have the opportunity to grow stronger over years and decades.

The world outside these holy hedges falsely tempts us to break our vows. The voices of the world are dangerous and destructive, and tell us that we each "deserve" to be happy, as though unfaithfulness or compromise can ever build a stronger or happier soul.

Accountability to these hedges of protection, markers of what holds us fast and strong, is essential to keep us going forward, living as servants, moving forward through difficult passages by faith.

To build anything great and strong requires time. But a hedge of strength, protecting, guarding the beauty inside is a safe-guard from destroying the sacred trust. Marriage is one of the most profound ways God designed for us so that we could slowly learn and develop in our own lives, the very character of Christ, learning to serve, love, and give ourselves as He  did for us.

When life brings unexpected twists and turns, God forgives. God gives grace. God heals when we put our lives and the consequences in his hands. I understand that our world and our lives are often hurt by consequence that are beyond our control.

The older I get, the more precious women I meet who did not have hedges of protection, walls of strength or easy circumstances to hold them safely inside the walls of marriage. God's grace, love and forgiveness abound to slowly bring healing. All of us find our value in His love and redemption and grace that covers us.

Yet in a generation that is afraid to hold up ideals, it is profoundly important that we understand the ideal of His heart as He created marriage was for us to strain towards sacrificial love, practicing godly character, learning the value of His own loyal love given to us.

As we have choices each day to honor Him, may each of us learn to Own Our Lives by Owning our Marriages and living within the hedges of protection that help us to grow more fully into maturity, and learning one step at a time just what His own sacrificial love toward us means.

Today, as God leads through His spirit and wisdom, Own Your Marriage, by living within the walls of protection that scripture gives us, so that we may have time to grow strong, time to beautify our story, time to leave a legacy of faithfulness for our children to follow.

I find that through the trials, the years of building team-ship by faith, the years of seeking to model love for the sake of wanting to leave a pattern for our cyhildren, forgiveness, loyalty and grace, the seeds of HIs faithful love have become a deep satisfaction to both of our souls. Our love is now a precious balm to both of our souls, as we look back and see how He was leading us to more contentment, deeper understanding of love through practicing living within the boundaries we had been given. In the end, we come to understand that seeking to follow His paths ultimately brings health, strength and deep fulfillment and satisfaction of having kept at the journey. Finishing well comes from running the race with the goal of serving Jesus as our life long motivation.

Today is the Day

 

Today, as you look around you, be intentional about seeing His fingertips. Still yourself to listen for the gentle voice of the Holy Spirit.

What would He say to you? What burdens do you need for Him to carry?

What bitterness or fear is robbing you this day of His peace, love and joy?

What voices of guilt or inadequacy are whispering negativity into your moments?

Do you see these children He formed in your womb for you as a taxing burden to your day or as a miracle?

You are complete in Him, precious to Him, strengthened by Him and He loves being your companion.

Today, is a day to invest in, to affirm to restore. Today is a the day to redeem.

Lenten Splendor Amidst Life in Oxford

Reading these beautiful words today gave a balm to my soul, a stopping of my distracted mind to watch the sun go down as I pondered how I might stop my life in the days ahead for the season ahead. As my various children have studied in the UK and had trips for ministry and friendship there, our family has developed a love for some of the lovely English churches we have attended. Sarah has so enjoyed a sweet community of believers right down the road from her house in Oxford. Enter her world and find her words a solace today.

I didn’t even wear a coat for the walk to my coffee shop today. The air is honey-toned and soft. The sky is so vividly blue it flashes in, arresting as flame through the windows of the lecture hall in the morning, drawing eye and heart into its promising warmth. Springtime is a dream blooming up at the edge of winter today. Daffodils huddle under the woven black of the bare, tangled tree limbs. The earth broods, damp, close to waking. The first snowdrops star the dark carpets under the trees. And birdsong wakes me early in the morning.

The life of this freshened day, the light, the searing blue, draws my sight up and outward constantly. From work, from screen, from dreams, my consciousness is drawn away from the clamor of my student life to a great, silent glory. I am challenged to attention by this beauty. The color of it is a kind of demand upon my eyes, a request I fully answer with my wholly given attention. Who could refuse an invitation to such magnificence?

Funny then, that Shrove Tuesday, the day in the church year when believers around the world prepare to abstain in some way from earthy luxury, should fall amidst such splendor. No rain, or dampened skies, no dim, dark hours are present this afternoon to match the self-denial so associated with the opening of Lent. Tomorrow, I’ll walk up to the altar in my church, confess my mortality, and receive the mark of ashes on my forehead. I’ll remember my sin. I’ll try to fast in some way for forty whole days. Incongruous, it might seem at first, to begin this Lenten season of self-denial just as springtime wakens in all its opulence.

But as I contemplate the coming season this afternoon, perched in my coffee shop window seat, I find in the gem-like world out the panes a perfect frame as I prepare my heart to repent. I think the sunlight, the searing blue, the quickened life, the fragile flowers are a fit and lovely setting to this opening of Lent. Because, though the practice of Lent is repentance and self-denial, repentance is simply the way by which I rid myself of the lesser things that distract me from their source. A great glory, greater even than the golden day out this window, dwells in the inmost room of my heart. The morning star of the universe has taken up residence in my soul, and Lent is the season in which I remember the single, blazing fact of him there, and journey back from all that draws my sight from his glory.

Lent is, I think, the answer of the human soul to the challenge and invitation of God’s love. Lent is the call to turn my face from the clamor of a thousand distractions, to the Beauty in which I have my being.

Yes, it is a season of denial. But the denial is of the non-essential things that make it a genuine difficulty for me to live in the presence of God’s essential Love. To confess is to name what hinders God’s life in me. Habits of sin or distraction, of hatred nurtured, of insecurity kept. To fast is to free myself from the niggling loves that lessen my response to the great one. To wait, to watch, to keep a season of reflection, is to grow quiet enough to meet the Easter event with clarified, adequate, renewed sight that greets the gift of the risen Christ in fully ripened joy.

Lent is a return, to the heart of all that matters most, the single Matter of Christ apart from whom nothing matters at all.

My Lenten practices this year? To give up some food or drink (yet to be decided). To try, as much as possible, to keep company with the wider Church by keeping a partial fast on Fridays and setting aside an extra space for prayer. Simple, small things really, little tests to jolt me awake to God.

The harder thing? A space of determined, daily, kept quiet in which technology is banned and prayer or silence is practiced from early evening until morning prayers the following day. It’s easy, in the busy days I lead, to collapse into my chair at the end of the day and open the computer. To scan, to click, to fritter an hour or two away on a miniseries or a few random articles. None of it evil, of course. But it means that I go to sleep with a busy brain and waken with an unquiet mind. I reach for my iPhone as I rise, wondering what deadline I’ve missed, or news I need to know. Before I’ve even been awake ten minutes, my mind is in a whirl from which it is difficult to emerge for even a brief time of Scripture and prayer. Lectures await. Essays scream to be written. And I, already amidst a whirlwind, feel that God looms somewhere beyond the whiz of it all, but I can’t really catch his eye.

Well, I plan to let him catch my eye in this season of quiet and catch it good.

I begin with an awareness of God’s full givenness to me, a grace that allows me to repent in loving response rather than guilt. Guilt is easy for me. I’m a perfectionist. It’s funny; the more I am drawn into the rhythms of worship here in Oxford, forms and prayers that answer some of the deepest hungers of my heart for shape, rhythm, physical expression of worship, the deeper my sense of inadequacy grows. I often find myself kneeling in an aching, angsty desire to somehow give or be more than I am in response to the God I encounter in worship. I strain, I grieve with the desire to offer more of myself in response to the Love given so freely to me. Much of my prayer boils down to a simple repetition, “I wish I could offer more.” A holy desire, perhaps, but one that, in a perfectionist heart like mine, can turn my eyes to my own faults rather than the Love that heals them.

But a few nights ago, I went to compline at Magdalen College. In deep shadow, amidst plain-chanted hymns to end the day, I looked to the altar where candles burned round a simple cross. Behind the altar loomed a larger than life picture of a sorrowing Christ, cross on his shoulder, garbed in brown, down on one knee as he bore the weight of the world’s sin and grief. Kneeling there in the lyrical, candlelit darkness, with the hymns almost whispered in a tender, gentle awe, I was aware of Christ’s givenness. Of the love poured without stint or measure. Of the grace that is with me now, regardless of what I offer.

I did not need to give, because all Love was already given to me. All that was needed was my joy in the fact.

Lent is, I think, the nourishment of joy.

It’s the honing of sight, the hushing of mind, so that Love can make his presence potently known.

If you’ve never practiced Lent before, well, join the club. Neither have I, at least to this extent. But I’m excited. Eager, like a child standing at the cusp of a journey. I’ve eaten my required stack of Shrove Tuesday pancakes (which, in England, are really crepes dressed with lemon and sugar). I’ve feasted at formal hall to end the evening. I’ve watched the day close with the knowledge that tomorrow a great quieting and centering of soul and self begins. Tomorrow I will speak these words:

Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return. Turn away from sin and be faithful to Christ.

Christ, in whom dust is formed back into living love.

Join me.

Sarah Clarkson  ThoroughlyAlive.com