Honor and Obedience: The Foundation of Worshipping God

24 Family Ways # 3

We honor and obey our parents with a respectful attitude.

From the first days of life, we speak the attitudes of faith into our little babies. When we treat them with gentleness and respond to them with patience and treat them as little infants of great value, we are already training the value of honor and respect into their brain patterns.

Honor is a value that must have precedence in a home, so that a child can understand the importance of  people, and  to learn to bow their knee before others who deserve respect.

The beginning of learning to value a fetus, an old, frail or infirm adult, or a person of different race or color begins with the heart attitude of learning to honor and learning to submit oneself to others.

hon·or

Definition: to show high respect or esteem

To regard with great respect

Many years ago, I was taking Sarah, Joel, Nathan and Joy to a children's museum in Ft. Worth. We were standing in line behind what appeared to be grandparents with a little boy about 5 or 6. As we stood waiting our turn to enter, the little boy suddenly laid down on the floor, began screaming and then when his grandpa tried to pick him up, the boy started slapping and hitting and spitting on him.

Immediately all four of my children looked back at my face to see what I was going to do. Joel said, "Mama, don't you know? We always look at your eyes to see what we are supposed to do and how we are supposed to behave and react in life."

What do your children see when they look at your eyes?

Children naturally look to their parents for an example and model of what is expected.

One of the reasons, I believe, that God required children to honor  and obey their parents was to give them a visual and actual practice of what it would look like to give honor  and obey and value and worship to God.

How can our children learn the value of worshipping and honoring God if they have not seen it in the warp and woof of their daily lives?

It is very difficult to behave in belief and in worship to God--to understand that we are below him and are to bow to His holiness--if we have never been required to show respect to others in our lives.

There must be some visible, actual ways of teaching children respect and honor as a heart value so that they can learn the concept.

There are so many practical ways and tips to teach a child honor and obedience.

However, the most important thing to realize is that it starts with the heart. 

Respect, giving worth and honor to someone, is not a matter of forcing a child to submit to an authority  because the parent  is  stronger and bigger and can exert his power. Force of authority is the opposite of winning and training a child's heart to honor and obedience.

HOW DO WE TEACH THIS VALUE?

"Sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence" I Peter 3:15

It begins with an attitude of gentleness and reverence from our own obedient and honoring heart. The power is in our own maturity to train in maturity.

A wise mother looks into the heart of her child to understand what is mulling around in the mind and seat of thoughts and motivation. Honor is passed on to a child when we take the time to know their personality, understand their heart attitude and to be able to say or evaluate if a behavior was merely foolishness or if behavior showed a disrespectful and rebellious heart.

I corrected my children so very often because of the attitude I could detect--when they were willful or prideful or selfish in response to a person or situation--much more than I corrected for behavior.

Wise behavior was trained and modeled and corrected over time. However the essence of training our children to honor and obey was an issue of teaching them to submit their wills out of a heart of respect, rather than out of us forcing them to comply.

Understand that all of us are sinful and selfish and that our human way is to "push against" anyone who infringe upon our rights. And so it is natural to be selfish and immature, but it is supernatural to be mature. 

To become mature takes a whole lifetime--at least I am still working on it. To grow in maturity and to become wiser, humbler and more discerning and submissive in my behavior has taken me years of input, training, understanding, conviction, reforming my ways and repenting--and it is a process, not a one time act.

And so it is with a child, hundreds of times teaching, correcting, loving, training, and over and over again.

For this reason, a parent should not think the child is intentionally disobedient all the time just to thwart the parent--all children are born with such a nature and all children will grow in strength and ability to obey when consistently trained and guided and corrected.

This is a process.

Ours is to wisely keep them on the path of righteousness and to give them the value and love for righteousness and to correct and train them as they are going.

Just a few practical ideas:

When our children were little, we taught them to address adults with "Miss" or "Mister"--as our children called our adult friends either Mister Brown or Miss Deb to show that there was a distinction between adults and children. Different parts of the US and different countries have ways of imparting this understanding of the distance between adults and children, but it is a necessary distinction which helps children to learn the attitude of respect--to see a difference in themselves and in adults and authorities.

Teaching manners  is a wonderful way to teach children to value the worth of other people. Giving up chairs so others have a comfortable seat. Letting other adults or guests go first in line at a buffet, or serving our guests food or beverages before we were served were small ways of building a pattern of giving honor to others more than ourselves, so that our children could understand the whole concept.

Writing thank you notes and noticing the worth of other people through words helped our children have a pattern for respect. Honoring those in position--a pastor, a teacher, the President, leaders--in front of our children instead of always criticizing them in our children's presence helped them to learn that we also honored people.

In a world of cynicism and sarcasm, we must rule over the influences of our children when so often media and the internet feels that any person and any office is something open to being criticized or being made fun of in public.

This creates a culture that has no sense of honor or respect. Guarding our words and behavior is so important if we are to instill a heart value for respect, rather than just trying to force obedience.

Even small babes can learn to honor their parents by teaching them to use self-control. When our babes were very young and they were whining or screaming, but old enough to understand us, we would place them in a crib and say, "I am so sorry, but mommy (or Daddy) cannot listen to you while you scream or whine (or whatever). When you choose to talk to me in a normal voice, I will listen to you."

It was amazing how quickly our children learned to talk in quiet, gentle voices--even as young, crying babes.

But for a child to learn honor, a parent must display honor. The way we speak to each other and to our children should be with pleasant, loving words and voices. When we expect them to learn civility and honor, we have to exhibit it ourselves in the way we treat other people. (generally speaking, of course --we all raise our voices or become angry or frustrated on occasion.)  And even if we do become angry or raise our voices, we should always apologize if we expect our children to apologize. We must exhibit the same behavior we are expecting of them.

How can we train our children to act respectfully if we do not behave in a civilized, gentle, respectful way?

But then there is the second part of the way: obeying our parents with a respectful attitude.

Though this is a big area, and I cannot possibly address it all in one small article, the process of teaching a child the pattern of obeying is a long term pathway of learning obedience, little by little.

Teaching children to obey is essential to their character and moral strength, but it is a process. The beginning of learning obedience is to learn a value like this one--We honor and obey our parents with a respectful attitude.

So many parents do not teach basic expectations but merely react to their children in frustration--without having ever laid down the training of expectations of what is to be obeyed.

This merely frustrates parent and child as it is difficult for a child to learn to obey if they have never been told what is expected of them--any more than I could expect to please an employer if I did not clearly understand what was expected.

Training little by little is the key to having long term obedience and honor.

Since Clay and I believe that parenting is an organic process, considering the personalities of children, the sex and age of children and the ways to reach the children's hearts, we do not give specific advice but wisdom principles to follow.

Consequently, the first place to start is in giving our children a pattern of what to expect by being with them all the time when they are little so that we can speak to their little hearts, needs, shaping their values and understanding of behavior by directing it.

The children whose parents are most engaged and involved when their children are little are, generally speaking, the ones whose children are easier to train, as the children have learned to expect attention and love and training.

And so we teach them this way, teach them the memory verse and use this way and verse as a way of correction:

What is our way about obedience? What do you need to do in order to obey mommy now?

And so that I do not write a whole book tonight, I will leave you with this thought:

How are you modeling honor and obedience to God in  your home, by your attitudes, actions and obedience--so that your children will have a true picture to follow?

 Join me here all summer long as we study, Our 24 Family Ways Together!

Mama, Everyday I Heard God's Voice and it Sounded a Lot Like Yours Way 2

My community of Bible seekers, girl's club!

Way #2 We read the Bible every day and pray to God with an open heart. 

Memory Verse

"All scripture is inspired by God, and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for instruction  in righteousness, so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work."

II Tim 3: 16-17

Recently, Nathan was talking about his year in New York City when he attended the New York Film Academy. He lived in an apartment in Harlem with two other young men.

"Every day, I would hear God speaking to me through so many scriptures that we had talked about and memorized. They just kept going through my head at different times and always when I needed them. And you know what, Mom? The voice sounded a lot like your voice and I knew I needed to heed the words, because I couldn't imagine breaking your heart! And those words became the prayers of my own heart amidst all the moments of my life in New York, because I knew God would be with me and speak to me and show me wisdom."

When Sarah was giving her talk at the conferences this year, I didn't know what she was going to say, as she is an adult and prepares her own talks. She shared a story that heartened me. Her memory of waking up early in the mornings was  finding me sitting in an overstuffed chair in the living room or a smaller one in my bedroom, reading my Bible.

"I knew her diligence and devotion was what shaped her life and it always made me expect that I could learn and hear from God in my own life,"

Sarah shared as she talked of what personal integrity looked like in reality.

The habit if coming to God, every day, putting the eyes of your heart to seek Him, to listen to Him, to ponder His ways and to engage in His truth is the most profound action that will shape your life.

I hardly need to say I was not a perfect mama, and like all mamas, some seasons I was faithful to this standard as it was a habit I had developed and committed to early in my life before I became a mama. And some seasons I just barely made it through with the crises of life coming my way. I found that reading God's word and praying was essential to my ability to keep taking one more step in the direction of my own ideals--the fuel for my strength when life was exhausting. It is a habit I want to help others learn how to develop.

But in a time when there are so many formulas and voices of advice and people are busier than ever, I wanted to write an article that clearly stated-- raising godly children is an issue of spending time with them with God on a regular basis. God and His word are what shape hearts and reading the word of God together gives the Holy Spirit a vocabulary in which to speak to our children when we are not there. 

All the people in my life will draw from what I have invested in my heart. If scripture is there, scripture will come out in the daily conversations. I didn't really know that my kids were paying attention-- I mean, really taking to heart what I was saying and teaching and speaking through the circumstances and moments of my days.  Really, it felt so good inside my heart, to know that my own obedience and work at keeping my heart and mind on scripture left a significant mark in the lives of my children.

Most of the time they just looked like normal, sweet kids; squirming, wiggling, chattering, fussing, and being children.

The Need

If I am serious about God, I must be serious about investing in Him. Others will need the truth He teaches me to enlighten the moments of their own lives. More voices and messages invade the sound waves of our brains every day than ever before. Living in a melting pot of cultures now where all religions and values and morals drift together in and through the media; where all varieties of moral behavior are validated and find acceptance; where television and film and the internet smudge the clear borders of truth every day, and even promote violent behavior and dark themes--even in cartoons; the call to teach children has never been more important or profoundly necessary.

We must not underestimate the draw or pull these voices will have in our lives or our children's lives as they become young adults and begin to make decisions that will determine the outcome of their whole lives.

A real, true, loving, living God is the voice they must hear of--not just platitudes of moral rules--that is not enough to fool any young adult who is looking for love and wants to be liked.

Only real wisdom and scripture will do.

Building Foundations that Cannot be Moved 

We build the foundational belief system and understanding of truth and God's nature and ways, in our children's minds, one day at a time, one brick at a time. For our children to have a strong house of truth invading and speaking to their invisible thoughts, their minds must already be filled with thousands of teachings of scripture so that their brains will have a "go to" place when they are making decisions about their lives.

The men in my life.

As so many women have heard from me over the years, "In the absence of Biblical conviction, (when a person does not have a strongly held belief that has informed his commitments), then this person will indeed go the way of culture."

In other words, if a child has not been taught and trained and instructed in the wisdom of God's word and learned to pray to become familiar with His voice, then, the child will grow up to listen to the voices he has invested in the most, and the voices that will appear to make him happy.

If a woman has not invested her mind to engage in true biblical principles, she will not have the ammunition in her soul to fight the values and voices of culture.

A heart that is filled with and informed by Biblical convictions, does not just happen. It shaped intentionally over many years, day by day, circumstance by circumstance and repeated and lived thousands of times.

Advertisers never give up on loudly proclaiming their voices as they sell whatever is most profitable, and so we have to be even more vigilant to keep the voices of God's reason and wisdom going and shaping the minds of our children so that they can be strong in their generation and live to be great thinkers, communicators and shapers of culture in their generation.

It all starts with a mom who is willing to train and disciple her children and to pay the price of commitment, time, and winsomeness and preparation over many years of time.

And, God is waiting to bless us with His peace, love, wisdom, strength and comfort when we make time to go to Him. And our children will need the same from Him in their lifetime--but they will have a pattern of what that looks like because they will have learned it from our home.

And so, we read the Bible ever day in our home and pray with an open heart, and now our children do the same, because it was the very life and inspiration they breathed into their hearts day in and day out.

Do not be hard on yourself, mama. Just start out with 5-10 minutes--that becomes a habit worth following.

“Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord is one!  You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.  These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart.  You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.  You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead.  You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates." 

Deut. 6:4-9

Join me all summer long as we study Our 24 Family Ways together.  You can purchase the book, Our 24 Family Ways here!

Today is a day to enjoy

My beloved Colorado sunset on my walk every night down the road from my house.

"Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on teh grass under the trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time."

John Lubbock, a writer from England 1860's

I am moving in the direction of breathing this summer. Noticing the iris's now blooming in Colorado, enjoying the aspens blowing, and planning more time with my dear friends in town that I just don't see often enough.

Just finished a book that will come out next January. I think you will like it because I like it! :) Remembering the stories and writing about our home provided the ones at home great moments to remember, to really remember how much fun we had together in our home. More on that this fall.

As I wrote stories of my precious story with our family, it made me truly miss those years. I do miss those years when I had my own little club--Sarah, Joel, Nathan and Joy--all together, going in the car together, reading together, doing bed time routines and hugging their little squishy warm bodies, and nursing and rocking my babes--though it was all foreign to me at first, now I miss them being right here where I learned to love being a mama. So now, I am thankful when their calls interrupt because I miss them so!

Spending time on my front porch because I love the outdoors. I pile books thinking I will read them, but mainly end up dreaming and being distracted by what is going on--yesterday, 3 bunnies actually ran and played for 15 minutes. This month we have had turkey running through, numerous groups of dear, squirrels,  and lots of blue jays squawking and protecting their eggs and chicks from the squirrels.

Having a cup of tea with something sweet, however tiny,  is a habit I have gotten into this summer--just seems the right thing, somehow!  :) Must get out of this habit.

 I am on that kick of doing the 10,000 steps every day for about a month. I use the app on my iphone. I love walking and it is so fun in Colorado at nights.

I, who love to cook and provide, find myself every night not wanting to make dinner, so we are snacking more than usual. I wonder if I will ever cook again.

What is an easy summer meal that you go to all the time? I need some suggestions.

I am preparing my home for 45 women from the US, Mexico and Canada, who are coming for a reunion Mom Heart Intensive. I have the most wonderful team who gathers flowers and help set tables, cook gourmet, homemade meals, shop, organize and spend themselves serving for 3 days. I just love these women who come to my home. It is all so much more fun when it is personal. We will eat, talk a lot, I will give about 6 hours of talks, with fun activities and all our meals together, so we shall have an amazing time. (I promise I will try to have another for new attendees.So many have mentioned it. Just not enough months in a year.)Joy, her dear friend, and Joel snapped this picture as they were driving through Arizona tonight.

Already washing sheets, putting flowers and chocolate in the bedrooms because my sweet Joy is coming home for the summer after graduating. Joel generously offered to fly out to Ca and drive her home. She is pondering whether she should go to Yale or Oxford for her Masters, as that is where she was accepted. (Or maybe she should just stay with me endlessly in my home the rest of her life. What do you think?)

I have seen Nathan twice in May and can't wait for him to join us this summer. Sarah coming soon and Joel already here. These are mostly what I am looking forward to this summer--my own peeps.

So what are you up to?

Off to sleep, which I am also excited about every night--going to bed! What does that suggest? :)

Cultivating a Sense of Sacredness in Your Heart {Our 24 Family Ways- Way 1}

24 Family Ways #1

"We love and obey our Lord, Jesus Christ, with wholehearted devotion."

Memory verse: "And He said to them, 'You shall love the Lord your God with all of your heart and with all of your soul and with all of your mind.' This is the great and foremost commandment." Matt. 22:37-38

Rainbow light shone through a multi-colored stain glass window and looked like it was actually a upward passage to heaven. Our normally wiggly, chattery clan became silent as they walked into the lovely chapel and heard the quiet music wafting up to the very rafters where the light was shining through. Oddly enough, the beauty, formality and music hushed them and they sat mostly reverently through the hour service.

"Mama, you felt like you had to be quite 'cause everything was so special, pretty and respectful," piped one of my littler ones, when asked what they thought of the new church we visited.

The formal, captivating atmosphere was the first time our family had ever attended such a formal service together, but it was enlightening to see what the effect the sacred place of exquisite design and beauty had on the attitudes of my children.

Almost every time I read a story about someone who saw the glory of God, the effect of his blinding splendor in real life was that they bow down in fear, in reverence, hiding their eyes from the glory of God because it is so wonderful and great. The starting point for any real training in the hearts  must be a reverence, respect and proper awe of God, Himself.

The first "way" is about learning to see the sacred, learning to honor things that are holy. If we do not learn to have a value and understanding that some things are special and set aside as a picture of great and intrinsic worth to show the eminence, the infinity of God's glory in our own homes and life, then we will never learn to honor God.

Honoring is recognition that some people have a value worthy of showing humility and special respect. If we do not cultivate a habit of humility that values those things and people that garner our best manners, our sacred response, our humble gratitude, then we will never learn to bow our knee before the one true God.

Honor of God begins with an honor of what is holy in our lives--people made in God's image are sacred and have great worth in eternity. Marriage, the commitment of two people to enter into a union and pledge before God of faithfulness is sacred and holy.

All that used to be sacred--human life, the elderly, churches and burial grounds, people in position of authority and accomplishment, parents, marriage, teachers, public figures--all of these are often torn apart, ridiculed and devalued in contemporary culture. When every vestige of truth can be ridiculed, cynicism runs so rampant that no one can believe in innocence, modesty or sincerity anymore, we lose a heart that can believe in miracles and the goodness and purity of God. When we see nothing as pure, we lose the ability to see God as pure and righteous.

However, in a time in history where very little is sacred or holy, we must seek diligently to create not just knowledge of what the word holy means, but to place tangible practices in our lives where we and our children practice to  learn and understand that some things are sacred and set apart and deserve our reverence and worship.

Traditions were created to picture truth, beauty and meaning of life throughout church history in the past. When we give up all vestiges of tradition, we have given up much that would picture to the mind and heart of a child of what reverence and holiness looks like.

If we do not have visual, and actual habits and practice in the moments of our lives for things that are special and holy, our children will not understand the glory, the vastness, the need to bow our knee before a Holy, Magnificent, Omnipotent God.

Manners, the way we show respect, courtesy and honor of others gives us a sense of worth of the value of people in our lives. Honor starts with the respectful ways we treat others in our home--the way we speak to our children with respect of who they are; the way we give our attention and interact with our husbands, the way we treat strangers or others who come across our pathway.

.When we learn to give value to others by serving them, honoring them as human beings, we will much more likely honor God--and honoring God is the first commandment in the ten commandments. Loving God and honoring Him with our whole hearts is the starting place for appropriate worship of God, which says He is worthy of our praise and service our whole life long. Honor is a heart attitude.

Recently, I attend a funeral of a very special young friend who had died. I was a little surprised that many of the women my age wore jeans, few wore black. People were looking at their cell phones during the funeral. There was nothing in the dress, manners or behavior of the people who attended that said, "This is an occasion for showing respect to the wonderful person who died here."

I am a contemporary woman and do not judge people, in general, by their clothing or outward appearance. But as I pondered this, I realized that in our culture, we have pretty much lost a sense and a practice of showing our children the attitude of respect and self-control and reverence.

Most of our churches are places where there is casual dress, talking and chattering, informal behavior, so much so that the behavior and jokes told and manners of most people could not be differentiated from the behavior they would display at a restaurant or in any other casual place.

We make fun of our Presidents and leaders and feel no guilt or twinge of conscience for voicing every sort of opinion on Facebook. We criticize our preachers and leaders. We watch shows that make fun of marriage, Christians, a civilized or mannerly person with morals standards and cast shadows on many things that are innocent, pure, mannerly or respectful. In the name of "freedom" we excuse any kind of behavior and speech conduct, with no sense of propriety or restraint. If there is nothing sacred in our lives, then how do we hope to pass on a sense of awe, Godly fear and respect to our children?

Consequently, as we begin the training of our little children's hearts and souls, and take responsibility of our own attitudes, we must figure out how to convey to them that life is not about us. Our lives are about pleasing, serving, loving, worshipping and living for the very one who is the Lord of the universe, the creator of the world, the King forever, God the Father, the Holy Spirit and the Lord Jesus Christ. If we do not live honoring others, our children and others in our lives will have a hard time believing that God a good God who was willing to give them worth by serving and dying for them. Our belief is tied to the life we observe. Faith is connected to love and respect given. We learn to believe in God's goodness by receiving goodness in our real lives.

To implement this properly, we must seek to define for ourselves and our family, what will be sacred in our family. How will we display and teach respect to our children so that they will understand, when they are older, how to respect and revere our God and to live before Him with awe and with fear and trembling in respect of who He is.

One of the ways we implemented a sense of reverence and holiness in the lives of our family was teaching our children and practicing that there were places to use "quiet voices, and respectful hearts"--like in church, at concerts, at funerals, at graduations, at recitals. Cell phones are definitely prohibited in these places. Before we went into these places, we would talk amongst ourselves about it ahead of time ...

"This is a wonderful place to be still and to think about God and to listen to His voice. When we go into church, please show respect by not running, not fussing; try to be still during this ceremony or church service," etc.

"When we take communion, we focus on the amazing and generous sacrifice of our precious Lord. Out of honor to Him we remain quiet, not whispering, we give our full attention to Him, confessing our sin, and thanking Him for his forgiveness. When communion is over, we will remain in quiet attitudes out of respect and not speak or be loud until the service is over.

I am not talking about following my ideas or some kind of a rule, but you must establish some sacred things-- holy places, places for reverence in the moments and hours of your life, so that in your heart and the values of your children, you  can learn and practice the meaning of "Reverence for a Holy God."

Serving a holy God, living for his glory is our goal.

If this is not built into the warp and woof of your life, then when it comes to adulthood and worshipping and reverencing God, there will be no pattern, no practiced understanding of what it means to love and obey our Lord with wholehearted devotion.

We can learn the words of this family way, but we also need to live the reality of our devotion and respect in order for the words to have meaning. Humility is at the heart of honoring others or God as much more important than yourself.

How have you instilled reverence and devotion to our Holy God in your lives? 

How have you regarded sacred traditions or relationships as common and lost value for being reverent?

How have you seen things that have intrinsic eternal value degraded in the culture of your world?

Name several ways you can establish a practice of valuing the sacred in your own life.

Would others say that you brought a sense of honor to the atmosphere of your friendship because of the ways you showed honor, consideration and manners of others in your life?

Order the 24 Family Ways Here

Join me all summer long as we study Our 24 Family Ways Together.

And the Winners Are.......Congratulations to you all! and Chaos to Order

Thanks so very much for all of you who follow here. We will start the series for the 24 Ways on Monday. I hope it will be encouraging to you. I am posting the winners of the books given out the week of mother's day, as well as the mentoring session and prayer books and 24 Ways. Look in your in box and you will find an email from me if you have won. Congratulations! And thanks for all who entered! Lisa Quinn

Joy Price

Camille Lopez

DeAnn

Annke

Emmie

Debi

Meagan

Emmie

Debi Schuhow Meagan

Lisa Graham

Melisha

Mariah

Janet

Julia

 Kelli

24 Family Ways Study This Summer!

Twenty-4 Family Ways means it is for the whole family. As I look back on the years my children were young and I was idealistic afresh in my home, I now realize that as I took responsibility for their hearts, minds and faith, I realize that this discipline changed me as much as the kids. I was forced to think through my priorities, my values, God's ways for me. It is my hope that as we go through it this summer, you will feel refreshed in your own foundations for your personal and spiritual life.

Usually when we went through this book as a family, we did one way a week--repeating the way and studying a new verse 5 days in a row. But this summer, in order to get through this together, I will be doing one way each Monday and Friday so that we can get through the book by summer's end. Use it however you will. Memorize the way and the memory verse each time a new one is introduced and read along with the daily devotions in the book,  or just read my blog and the material the day it comes out. However you want to use it will be beneficial, I am sure. (We did this 3 times during the kid's childhood and always used this for training and discipline--"What is our way about using words for kindness? What is our way about work?")

My wonderful friend, Kristen Kill, who lives in New York City with her 4 children, is an assistant of sorts in a lot of work I do in my ministry. She will be helping get the 24 ways post up each week this summer. I asked her if she would share with you just what she learned from going through the book with her family. I will do the giveaway on Friday from the comments of women here this week.  So be sure to join me on Friday and I will list all the names of the winners of books and the 24 ways from the past few weeks. We shall enjoy our summer together so very much!

Kristen Kill and her daughter, Halle, who is now 14 and growing up ever so quickly!

As I write this post my oldest, Halle,  is away at camp for the week and even there there is still a distinguishable hum and bustle of activity in my home, the lack of her presence is acutely felt. As we round out her first year of high school, the clock is clearly ticking down to more days that will feel just like this one, to days when she has flown the nest. I only have four more summers with my girl at home, only three more Christmases, three more birthdays.

When we have the end in mind, when we catch a glimpse of life without our babes in the ordinary moments of our everyday, an urgency to finish well swells up inside us. There is a running list in my mind of all I still want to do with the days that I have before I launch my girl into her next adventure, but as that time nears, I can say with confidence that I will be ready. There will of course be stretching and growing into the skin of a new season, I have a peace that I will enter it with joy by having sown seeds of truth and life in the details of her days from the beginning and through the middle and onward from here.

Motherhood isn't only about being hit with the anxiety that our chicks are leaving someday soon and racing forth to fill in all the gaps, but in the tender cultivating of the soil of their souls day in and day out, investing time and energy in ways big and small, stewarding these lives faithfully. As our children grow and rise to leave us, there is great peace in having guided them and instructed them, through their struggles and dark seasons, through our own difficulties and through all our joys, in the ways God has called upon them to live.

In our home, one of the most beloved and well worn resources for teaching and training our children to grow in their character and to be become wise in Biblical thinking is Our 24 Family Ways. This book really did make it easy for us to set on the dinner table each night and dive into together. We would copy questions and pull them out of a big jar and take turns sharing. Some of my fondest memories are the conversations that were stirred along the way in our children's little years.

I learned early on that I could not pour out to them what I did not own for myself, and as we read this book together, I found it was also changing me, growing me, equipping me with the Word of God. It became such a useful tool to help us discern and distinguish our values as a family, how we would spend our time, where we would invest and what all of our rules were going to be in our home, as well as the "why" behind them. Over time, a grid was formed in our family that shaped how we saw the world together and united us in what God was calling us to.

This summer, our family is opening up this book again and we are so excited to be joining Sally right here on her blog for posts that dig deeper into each of the 24 Family Ways. She will be posting here every Monday and Friday throughout the summer, so you will have five days to read and discuss each way with your own family and in your own quiet times. This summer could really change the course of our homes. It could be the season God uses to begin planting and growing seeds of truth and wisdom in our families and could be the beginning of a season that leads you into ending with joy, and launching your children into the world with all they need to walk in ways of God.

Be sure and post this on the side bar of your blog or share it on facebook and have your friends join you in our study. You will get more out of it if you discuss it with a friend and if your children get to repeat and practice the "ways" with their friends. Just copy the html on the side bar of this post and you can insert it in your own side bar. Thanks for spreading the word.

You can find the book, HERE.

Training is the Foundation of Soul Strength

George Goodwin Kilborn

"Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence. But we rather have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do.

Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."

Aristotle

Merely having a piano in a home and having a child bang on the instrument will not nurture a child into becoming a classical pianist. To become excellent in playing, the child must be instructed over a period of many years, hours must be given to practice and learning music.  Playing and playing and playing again is the course of action that produces skill and excellence.

Proverbs tells us that "a skillful man will go before kings." Regarding character, wisdom and soul strength, all people must also be instructed, have many years to practice and apply the teaching before an excellent character and life skills are developed.

Our God is a Holy God and His desire is for us to be people who reflect His character: His love, His excellence, moral purity, love, wisdom from His word, integrity in relationships, in the ways we conduct our behavior and actions. One who loves God will reflect growth in holiness continually as they grow closer to Chrits.

Proverbs tells us, “The path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, shining brighter and brighter until the full day.”

Strong Biblical integrity grows slowly over a long period of time—brighter and brighter—as we grow to more maturity. Yet, it comes from loving God with our hearts, and subsequently, seeking to ponder how to please Him. We ponder Jesus, His ways, His heart, His stories and seek to grow in those ways from our heart—not from performance to a rigid standard or rule.

But speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ, Ephesians 4:15

Yet, I have observed that many adults never had such Biblical training and so they are operating in their Christian life from a vacuum.

As many people know, I have often said,

“In the absence of Biblical convictions, people go the way of culture.”

So, an adult who does not live from a grid or a well of biblical foundations of truth will be subject to legalism on one hand—man made rules that teach a formulaic performance of Christianity. This legalism produces a harshness of judgment of those who “fail to live by the rules.” Often legalism brings false condemnation because we find it difficult to live up to arbitrary standards, as we are imperfect people.

Lack of Biblical convictions and orthodox understanding of Christianity can also lead to lenient or permissive application of Christianity, losing a sense of the holiness and righteousness of God, that He would have us grow into. The more we love Christ, the more we will be like Him, so that people will know Him better by being in our company.

Contemporary Culture Mitigates Against Excellent Character

Because our culture is so given to crudity, sexual permissiveness and a devaluation of human beings, (abortion, loss of love for having children, mercy killing of those who are aged or infirm),  with secular media determining the values of children and adults, many reflect callousness and a lack of honor for humans, those created in God's image.

Couple this with  a lack of intentional training on the part of adults, parents towards their children, with moral compromise at every turn, lack of wisdom and discretion, and many children are at a disadvantage in their lives because they have never developed a strong moral character, or seen a strong model of integrity in the life of the adults around them.

What I find it that there are many adults who are at a disadvantage because they grew up into adulthood without a corpus of wisdom, character training, truth and an understanding of holiness and righteousness. And so they, also, are disadvantaged in understanding how to live a godly life.

That is also why so many of us find Christians the ones hurting us or disappointing us, because these immature or uninformed new or young believers don't know how to love, communicate, get over their scars in life or how to discern wisdom, because they have never seen it modeled or heard it taught.

A child or adult who is not trained and taught to exercise strength in righteousness, truth, work ethic, relationships and integrity, will often be at a disadvantage his whole life, because instead of his character serving him, his lack of training and ignorance will detract from his ability to live an excellent life. Poor choices lead to bad consequences that bring baggage and burdens potentially for a whole life.

God is a God of redemption so he can forgive and restore, but we must live with the consequences of poor, unwise and compromising choices if we do not live by the righteous ways of God.

I am often amazed at the fact that people feel they can separate their faith from their behavior.

Carefulness needs to be applied here. I am not speaking of legalistic, rules of men, but the ways God teaches us are wise, the ways His word if filled with instruction so that we can move towards maturity.

Then when their lives are filled with the difficulty of indiscretion, they shake their fist at God and ask Him why He has treated them so harshly, when the truth to guide their lives was in scripture all along. God leaves us responsible to respond to His word, and when we behave foolishly, there will be consequences. The father of the prodigal son did not prevent his son from abandoning reason and leaving Him, but He was there to restore His son when his son humbled himself and came home. So it is with God, He is always willing to welcome us, to restore us, but choices are not without consequences.

The Problem of Ignorance

I was never trained to persevere through hard times, nor to understand that I had a capacity to be stronger than I knew, or that life was hard, or that motherhood would require me to be unselfish for the rest of my life. When I entered motherhood, I was simply unprepared and untrained.

I believe that many women like me struggle with motherhood, marriage and the burden of raising children because they have never been stretched or trained in character and are morally weak, complaining and undisciplined.

An undisciplined soul often reacts to pressure with complaining, anger and frustration. We blame others for our own unhappiness and difficulties.  Often, a lack of strong character and a developed work ethic is at the bottom of depression in young women. (There are many other reasons of course--loneliness, lack of community--but that is for another article--or book! :))

I know that I was also never trained for such hard work, and so struggled to meet the ideals I held in my heart because I had never been trained to be strong in character--I was spoiled in many ways and so had to learn character along with my children--and it was more difficult as an adult who had become lazy and self-centered--and I didn't even know it! I had been quite indulged and was unaware of my own lack of character--I wanted to blame my struggles on everything else except myself!

We are living in a culture where compromise is an accepted norm in marriage, in choices of movies and television, books read, in work, manners, leadership, and responsibility.

Also, addictions and lack of discipline of every sort are the norm and acceptable, so that character is not even affirmed or valued. Addiction to food, substances, social media, pornography, television, gaming, gambling, and every sort of pleasure that eats up the beauty and possibility of life is tolerated. In surveys, it is often found that believers are just as apt to divorce, abandon their children, become addicted to pornography, and to live an immoral lifestyle as those who do not profess faith in Christ.

The heart, not behavior, is the key to living a righteous life.

I find that so many parents are mostly anxious that their children cease to have "bad" behavior. They just want a formula for disciplining their children that will make them easier to deal with on a daily basis, so that they as parents can have an easier life.

Yet, as I observe many families, children, and moms in all of our travels and teaching, I find that there are fewer and fewer children who have an internal sense of composure, self-control, wisdom, and manners, because they are not receiving this kind of instruction at home.

Their moms, even the stay at home ones, are busy with their own agenda and pastimes, distractions- and the adults have a great lack as well.

A child or adult cannot grow beyond their teacher’s ability to model ideals and truth lived out in real life. So, if those in church are compromising, or parents are living a hypocritical life, wanting their children to “be good” while they are living a life of compromise, compromise will become the norm. "I'm ok, You're ok, " becomes the valued mantra--let's not judge anyone.

Yet, if we are created in God's image, shouldn't we, as believers, be the most excellent in our behavior, character and influence? Doesn't scripture teach us to lay down our lives for the sake of others--in this case, our children? Doesn't anything worthy always require great sacrifice, vision and hard work?

The next few weeks, I will be addressing the importance of training in character qualities and how this training develops a foundation of strength for the life and soul of an adult as well as a child.

For this summer, I will be reposting articles and adding to them teaching foundations. When we have a grid of knowing Biblical foundations, we will know how to live godly lives.

I have gone through the 24 Family Ways for parents to use with children, but this summer, I want to give the adults a refresher course using the 24 ways as a reminder or possibly first time instructor of foundations for them that lay a corpus of Biblical truths s from which to live life wisely.

I am excited about this series! It has been bubbling up as I have talked to many moms over the past weeks, and observed behavior of adults in several situations, and discussed many of these issues with my own children.

Character matters!

Training excellent character into the very fiber of all people takes intention, perseverance, commitment, wisdom--and honestly, it requires God's character growing in our lives.

I hope/pray this series will be of great encouragement to you, as this character training gives children and adults discretion, confidence and integrity in living life for the glory of Christ.

I will be using The 24 Family Ways in this series, as it is what Clay and I wrote for our own family's study of Biblical values. Any adult studying this for your own personal gain will grow.

I would like to give away 5 copies of the 24 Family Ways, our own family's foundations of how to live the Christian life in our home. But if you want to keep up with what I will be teaching on my blog, you might want to go ahead and order yourself and children a copy, so that you can know how to follow my summer blog post.

This will be a sort of summer inspiration course for you--and you don't even have to prepare--it is all there for you to read and ponder and apply.

Order Here!

Harvesting Godly Character:Are Christians Addicted to Mediocrity?

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Rembrandt, Jacob blessing the children of Joseph

”Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.” --Aristotle

This week, I find myself up to my eyeballs in responsibilities: a final edit of my new book coming out in January with Nathan! (I hope you will love it and be encouraged with our story.) A Wedding trip to Oxford, sending two of my adult kids from our home to the UK and helping the pack for a year. Deadlines, arrangements, and life. So, I was pondering what to write this week about godly character and found a favorite piece of mine from the past that I hope you will enjoy. Reading it made me love Rembrandt all over again--and Aristotle and character training. O

Rembrandt became a master of light and  a detailed painter, exquisite faces by training, practice, and years and years of painting, over and over and over again--practice. And so it is with any craft, skill, degree or accomplishment.

However, it is also true of character and a Christian testimony--

the character that is habituated to improving, developing integrity by practice, stretching to work hard, to do the best, to exceed expectations comes from daily practice and personal integrity.

Those whose ideals are set high and aim, each day to pursue those ideals will have the opportunity to become excellent in any field.

This comes from an inner grid, the way one learns to see life and expects himself to live. We called this "self-government," when we trained excellence of character into the very fiber of our children's souls.

Last week, I was in California for a week for Joy's graduation. I had many leisure hours to be with 3 of my children to discuss life, to see what they were thinking. Seeing them care greatly about issues of morality, faith; watching them understand the need to uphold God's character in the market places of life, hearing convictions and desires to impact their arenas for Christ, hearted this mama's soul.

Being together like this and discussing these important issues was reminiscent of all of the years we discussed truth, history, morality, the need for obedience, personal righteousness and a stewardship of the gospel. Their adult hearts were shaped by endless days of soul investment in our home when they were little. God would take my fish and loaves and through His spirit, stir their hearts. It is possible to watch God transform lives of little ones into adults who care deeply about the things of God. Passion, inspiration, obedience, a love for truth is learned by our children, family, friends, from seeing it modeled and being captured by the life coming from a real live person--you!

It has made me realize, again, that I would so love to help encourage, inspire, train women to own their lives by learning how to establish foundations of these important convictions in the lives of their own children. Consequently, Monday, I will be announcing a summer plan for my blog that I hope will give a focus for my blog and for those of you who want to participate, to enter into some training and encouragement of your children in your own home.

I have been surrounded by mediocrity, compromise and substandard Christians in several public arenas and personal situations lately. Our children have experienced the same in their worlds. I have asked myself, with the image of the living God imprinted upon my very being, shouldn't I, and all true believers,  be able to call forth excellence and integrity as a reflection of Him in my life.

"As a man sows, so shall he reap." Galatians 6:7

Yet, excellence and integrity is a personal issue.

One can only become this way through a personal commitment, a vision of oneself, and a decision that says,

"Regardless of what is happening around me, I will be the best I can be, work the hardest I am able, pursue the highest standards--especially for my personal life where no one but God sees--because I have been bought with a price and have His Holy Spirit residing within. So my worship of Him requires that I pursue the standard of His Holiness as an affirmation of His reality in my life."

Whether as a mother training the character of children, filling their minds with excellent writers, artists, thinkers, or as a woman being a steward of every aspect of her life, one can only become excellent by stretching, determining to obey His still small voice and then using every resource to pursue bringing His light and imprint upon this world.

This labor of excellence, personally and in the lives of our children, may/will take many long years--but if we are not committed to pursuing whatever it takes to build this excellence, then what hope does our future have--and even more, how can we represent Him, who has given all?

Paul said, "Follow me as I follow Christ." We are called to become leaders that others can follow and emulate.With every year of faith, there should be more of Him reflecting through our lives.  It is not a choice, it is a call on our lives. We cannot say, "I am a Christian, but I think I will make "c's or d's" in my character choices. We aim high because the love of Christ compels us.

More on Monday and the days ahead--but I have just been pondering--why are so many believers falling so short of His best?

I'm not talking about being a Pharisee--but, talking about what we should expect as royalty--children of the most high God. We have set our standards far too low....

What do you see in your circles?

Do you see the holiness of God being portrayed through the choices and behavior of Christians that you know?

What do you see as the underlying issue in such a state of compromise and mediocrity in many Christian circles where believers often participate in the same worldly activities as non-believers with no conscience toward what God desires of His children?

#OwnYourLife

Hold Fast to Love, Laughter, Beauty. In the end, it is your Grace.

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This early morning I am listening to Ralph Von Williams on my Pandora and sometimes switching to Alexander Desplaut, two of my favorite composers of film music. I poured myself a cup of Yorkshire tea and lit all the candles around me. Indulging myself by looking at velvety red roses in a vase that I found on sale at the grocery store is bringing me much pleasure.  Afterall, I am an adult and I can buy myself flowers once in a while when I think I need them! I am looking out my windows on tall, lean pines amidst the bluish-purpleish gray sky, with gleaming white snow peaking out from Pike's peak.

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I have taken literally thousands of pictures of beautiful flowers, sunrises, scenes in nature I find because it is a sort of worship in the moment a recognizing His fingerprints as I go through my days.

I am taking time to love Jesus and tell Him how very happy I am that He is real and with me--that He has painted the sky and made music to stir my soul and that He is with me loving me. I am seeking to cultivate love notes to heaven as I appreciate the lover who is invisible but here in my life today.

Last week, teaching a Bible study I have hosted for 10 years, I mingled with a variety of sweet women varied in age and in life puzzles. Flying one more time, I spent time with dear, inner-circle friends I have long known in California, Joy's friends, my children and some new women I met through graduation at Biola, ending on a cherished friend as I came home from a week of travel.

Many beautiful, precious women who have deep burdens to bear--a prodigal son or daughter; a heavy and dark marriage partner who refuses to love or give grace; many with chronic illness--cancer, pain, many living quietly with years of heart-break they bear in silence.

A truly lovely single mom was abandoned by her husband for a woman he met on facebook. I could go on. I am familiar with deep sadness in my own life, some things I will never be able to share publicly because I believe in loyalty and protection of my family from the public eye. It is my sacred trust to bear up through dark passages and to trust it just to Him, as He has promised to be with me.

We are subject all round us to the consequences of a fallen world--so beautifully made, so scarred and marred by the illness of our own souls that has created havoc, abounding in so many corners of life.And there it is for our children to figure out. Innocence and hope are my heart's desire--to be like a child fully delighting in life. But God has trusted me with adulthood and so I bow to His will.

Much of the sadness or at least sad circumstances will be with these precious women, who are in my heart, for many, many years--if not their whole lives.

But the circumstances of their lives do not need to define who they are or how they live.

Home is a place to light a candle in the darkness, to bring hope to sadness, to celebrate that He has overcome the world. Yet, making home the best place to be requires a grid that says, "I am the one called to bring light."

I often hum the old Steve Green song from scripture, "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

I have added my own verses, "Do not be overcome by darkness, but overcome darkness with light."

"Do not be overcome by hatefulness, but overcome hatefulness with love."

"Overcome death with life."

"Overcome sadness with joy and celebration in the midst of the mundane."

The invisible, the Lover, the maker of beauty, the servant King is in our midst as a devoted Father. He is a bridegroom preparing a wedding feast. He is a wonderful counselor who has compassion on us when we feel lost. He is a shepherd who lays down His life for his sheep and leads them beside still waters.

As long as I keep my soul alive by dwelling in His presence, remembering the roles he plays in my own life, as long as I cultivate and practice a heart of love and give it and live in it, I can overcome the darkness--all darknesses of my soul here on earth.

But love and beauty and faith must be cultivated daily, in His presence, looking for His reality, so that my heart will be filled with the reality of Him and His overcoming goodness and redeeming light.

The glory of a woman is her ability to stir up Life and light in this dark world.

We are born to civilize, to encourage, to inspire, to heal.

Women are most beautiful when they are engaged in creating the reality of His life and love wherever they go. But this love comes from intentional cultivation--it is the grid that we see life through--

I am created to be an overcomer, an artist who leaves beauty, a counselor who brings peace, a magician who brings hope and comfort in the very midst of despair, laughter and joy amidst the draining moments.

I am given the possibility of leaving a fragrance of words that bring hope, inspiration, affirmation to one who is starving for soul food.

And so today, I become a co-creator with Him, who is the source of all that is beautiful and good--celebrating His reality into the midst of this puzzle that is called my life.

The strength of any woman is built on a foundation of what she cherishes, practices, waters, cultivates.

Love is there, waiting to strengthen--the soul of a great woman depends on Him flowing in and through her every day.

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A Life Story & A Call to Worship Amidst Daily Work

 

Do you ever find yourself caught up in the duty of life so much that you emotionally check out from your children, and even from God? Sometimes lately, I have felt dry in my heart from too much work and responsibilities. I don't want to just think of God in my sleepy, not long enough quiet time. But I hope this summer, I will cultivate a "present" heart--one that chooses to engage in worship in His presence as I go about my day. My long-time friend Pam was talking about this from a first hand experience. Reflect on how to make this real in your own life.

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This past summer I was able to travel to Africa for the second time to participate in missions work in Kampala, Uganda. Our church supports full time time missions there and both trips have provided numerous lessons for me to bring back home, teach to others, and incorporate in my own spiritual journey. The more available I am to receive from the people of Uganda, the more impact has been made in my personal faith.

One lesson I brought home this past summer occurred in the slum of Banda. I call it a “city on a hill." Banda is the only slum in Kampala which is situated on hill. Normally slums are crammed into urban areas where terrible drainage issues exist.  Therefore the slums are susceptible to flooding regularly.

The Banda Artisans, our bead makers, reside on the hilltop alongside a rock quarry where many have lost loved ones. The ladies who make up this thriving ministry are given an opportunity to develop a sustainable income through the crafting and selling of  beads.

Our missionaries disciple and minister to the women while making a monthly purchase of beads, which then travel back to the United States to sell. The salary the women receive provide school fees for children, home repairs, and medical expenses. If you want to know more about this unique ministry, you can find it at www.aggiesarts.org

During our mission trip we spend many days in Banda growing our relationships with these precious women, learning from one another, and enjoying the oneness in Christ we share together. This has become one of my favorite points of ministry while in Africa.

This past summer while visiting Banda as we were celebrating the Lord with music and dancing, I had the perfect view of people leaving the city and walking up the hill into the slum. I noticed a woman heading back to her home place gracefully balancing a basket of bananas with her skirt flowing with each step she made. The nearer she got to our little circle of praise the more determined she looked. She directly approached our group and as you can see from the photo, passes off her basket to a nearby available woman.

Next, the lady joins into our circle of praise, song, and dance. She worships for several minutes, then turns to take her basket, places it back on her head, and goes on her way. As I processed my trip and all the Father taught me, this picture kept coming back to mind.

What if everyone, including myself, was that available to drop whatever we were doing at a moment’s notice to worship the Lord when the opportunity presented itself?

This lesson came to me when I heard a teaching on John Chapter 4 where Jesus is speaking with the Samaritan woman. As Jesus is revealing Himself to her, he says the following:

“Believe me woman, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem…. A time is coming and has now come when the true worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshippers the Father seeks.”

This is what God is doing. He is raising up worshippers!

We get to decide, by faith, whether we will lay down our work, our circumstances, and our trials to participate, in the divine calling to worship.

It changes everything because it places God on the throne of our lives in place of our  momentary burdens and afflictions. It changes everything because when God is on the throne of our lives rather than our agenda, He is glorified in and through our lives, others are drawn to Him, and His kingdom advances.

Will you lay down your basket of worry, fear, anxiety, heartache, you name it, today? Will you choose to worship God who rescued, redeemed and is restoring you? It is my prayer for each of you this day.

Amen.

Blessings,

Pam Graves