Love in Real Life

So many times, I remember sharing scripture with my whole heart and wondering if ANYONE was paying attention. And yet, now, there are times I feel like I am on holy ground as I see the amazing thoughts that come from deep within the souls of my children. I was greatly encouraged when I read this today and hope that you will be inspired to love your sweet ones, your family, your husband well, one more day. And know that they are listening.

“Love” is a word that has inundated itself within the vocabulary of our generation weaving itself in and out of the public and private conversation being wielded as a rally cry for movements, and a trump card for arguments.

“Love” is something we say when we feel so strongly about something, when we don’t know how else to describe it.

“Love” it is the word in which we wrap up our deepest emotions, in hoping to convey the depth of our commitment to the ones we share our lives with.

But even in the midst of of the never ending barrage of a culture obsessed with the use of the word “love”, I somehow find myself confused as to what it actually means.

What actually is love? What does love look like lived out and acted on? What does it truly mean to love someone?

I so desperately want to know, because daily I find myself looking at humanity completely confused at a generation who says it “loves life” but then terminates the lives that come at inopportune times.

Or cries, “love everyone” from the top of their lungs, and then goes on to hate the person next to them when they believe something different.

Or when two people vow in front of God to love each other forever, committing to remain faithful “for better or worse” but then leave when the feelings have gone.

If I didn’t know better, I would assume that this word -that many say includes unconditional commitment, sacrifice, and dedication- would seem is only real when it’s convenient, fun, easy, and makes us feel good.

And if this is true, I think that “love” is something I no longer want any part of.

I always hoped and believed that love was more than just a nice sentiment or pretty adjective, but instead was something stronger than any human emotion, something that pulled us through our weakness even when our strength was failing and our feelings waning. 

I always wanted believe that love was bigger than us, and wasn’t bound by the brokenness to deeply imprinted within us.

But as we look at humanity it’s clear that on our own, our love fails. So what hope do we have?

Could it be, that our hope must lie beyond our selves, beyond the mistakes we are bound to make, and the weakness we are fated to live with. Our hope for love must lay is something less mortal than our failing and dying bodies and wills, and stronger than the darkness in our hearts.

Is it possible that our hope for true love lays beyond anything we have to offer, and its true definition is found only in the designer of love itself.

Could it be that love cannot survive in our natural and broken mortality, but is instead to endure it must be found in the eternal hands of a timeless and perfect creator, who first demonstrated what true love is.

I don’t know... But if there is a definition of what true “Love” really is, one that calls out to us offering us a choice to take part in what pure, eternal love really actually looks like, a love that outlasts our failings, and offers us healing for our broken hearts. A definition of love that could gives us strength to remain faithful even in our human relationships should we choose it, it might look something like this...

“Love never gives up.

Love cares more for others than for self.

Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.

Love doesn’t strut,

Doesn’t have a swelled head,

Doesn’t force itself on others,

Isn’t always “me first,”

Doesn’t fly off the handle,

Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,

Doesn’t revel when others grovel,

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

Puts up with anything,

Trusts God always,

Always looks for the best,

Never looks back,

But keeps going to the end.”

Because of our brokenness and the fallen world in which we live, as long as we are here we will never be able to love perfectly. But, because of the grace of our creator we have a chance to enter in a new definition of love that I believe has to ability to change our lives, and even the world.

Though, this definition of love is not a feeling, or an emotion, but a choice we must make. Will you make the choice to make this eternal, pure, and true definition of love your love?

By Nathan John Clarkson--

Originally posted on nathanjohnclarkson.com

Keeping an innocent heart: Learning to refresh along the way. Home at last.

Why don't the mountains make me cry no more?

They don't sing the way they did before
They're just piles of stone as dead as bones
Like corpses on a field of war
And they just don't make me cry no more.

Andrew Peterson

(a favorite singer/songwriter of our family)

The Last Frontier

Listen Here.

Tonight, after 23 hours of traveling, Clay picked up Joy and me at the Denver airport. Celtic music wafting out of the speakers, we turned towards the mountains as we entered the freeway and the stunning golden lining the horizon with the backdrop of stormy purple clouds made us wonder why we ever leave our beloved Colorado. The music and sky were a symphony to beauty.

It brought to mind these thoughts I shared another time when looking up to my beloved Rockies. Off to sleep now but oh so glad to be home.

Music is the poetry of our generation, the voice of our fears, thoughts, emotions, giving reality to what we store in our hearts. And so, this song reflected my own, and Joy's,  heart's words. And so slowly we are taking some time to come back to life.

Sitting on the front porch, sipping tea in the late afternoon caught Joy and me creaking slowly in our white rocking chairs and trying to breathe in life. "Mama, I was so tired and worn to the bone when I came home from school this year, that I couldn't even feel how pretty everything was any more. It was like I was in a fog."

Remember when, as a little girl, you would see a shooting star or sit by the firelight of a bonfire and roast marshmallows or catch lightening bugs in the early dark of a summer's night and all was delight to your soul. Just being alive was exciting and every day had the possibility of something wonderful?

Taking the temperature of our souls is essential to staying alive. I have felt so crowded in my life that I have hardly had room to breathe. Sometimes I know that the sunrise is beautiful, but my heart doesn't sing when I see it anymore. This is the moment I say, "No matter what, I will take time for rest for my soul, time alone, time away from machines, time for music and sleeping, and not answering the phone. Time for walks and lots of hot drinks, or a hot bath, or a moonlit walk under the stars...

I have gathered delights that help me restore my own heart to wonder because I want to appropriately be childlike before Him to marvel, to breathe, to be amazed.

What helps you restore? What brings you back to your old true self? Keep stock of your heart now, so that you may stay alive to God.

"Guard your heart, for from it flow the springs of life." Proverbs 4:23

Telling the Truth Begins With Knowing the One Who is Truth (24 Family Ways #24)

Way #24

We always tell the truth and do not practice deceitfulness of any kind.

Memory Verse:

Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days, keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies.- Psalm 34: 12-13

Teaching is taking responsibility for informing the mind, heart and thoughts of my student. When I seek to present truth, knowledge, wisdom--the best thoughts, the most soul-gripping ideals, the foundations of truth and insights of understanding, it forces my own soul to broaden in the preparation of my presentation. Often I find the Life of His words open to my soul as I seek to dig for the best in my presentations. A serious responsibility to seek in some small way to reflect the truth about my creator--an auspicious task. Yet in the pursuit of His reality, my own soul becomes more real.

Truth telling is a matter of integrity, rooted in the heart of every believer. We must train our children to tell the truth about small details, but to understand the difference between what is true and what is deceitful, to have their souls transformed by the righteousness of God, they must know the One who IS truth and pattern their lives after him alone. This is our last of the 24 Family Ways, but it also touches the core of everything we have studied together this summer. What is the most true in your heart? For out of the overflow of your heart, the mouth speaks.

When I decided to teach Joy the attributes of God, I thought if she could grasp even a little of what He is like, then as she forayed out into the world, the understanding of His character and integrity and personal commitment to her would serve her in the days she is tempted to feel alone.

I remember sharing with her, "Man's spiritual history will positively demonstrate that no religion has ever been greater than its idea of God. Worship is pure or base as the worshipper entertains high or low thoughts of God. What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us." Tozer

So we began with the humility of Christ. I have pondered this summer, "I am humble of heart." What does it mean? He told me to learn this from HIm--not humble in dress, or position or in works--but in heart. And so we began by looking the word up on a dictionary. Humble--modest or unpretentious in one's estimation of oneself in relationship to others.

So Jesus was modest in his estimation of himself in relationship to others. Didn't need to brag, to have the last word, to convince others he was right, to criticize others--but was unpretentious in His relationship to them.

Already, my own heart was being convicted. Yet, it was in the context of looking at Satan's fall, that His humility shown forth like a brilliant light. Ezekiel 28: 12-16 tells us that God created Satan (Lucifer) as one of the highest angels in heaven. He was crafted in beauty--clothed in precious jewels--ruby, topaz, diamond, emerald and defined in the gold settings. His beauty and splendor were magnificent. God created him blameless (Ez. 28: 15). And yet, "Your heart was lifted up because of your beauty." It was as Satan looked at himself, and became proud--exalted in confidence at his own glory, that he lifted himself above God. His pride of his exalted esteem of himself became the ground in which sin would grow.

Satan said in his heart (in contrast to the heart of Jesus), "I will ascend to heaven; I will raise my throne above the stars of God.... I will make myself like the Most High God." (Isaiah 14:14)

And so it was his pride in himself--I will be like the most high  (pretentious--impossible that the creature could ever, ever be equal to his creator)--It was his arrogance that said he would not bow his knee to his creator--he would have the power, the worship, the centerpiece of the life of all people, that all corruption and sin and wickedness gave birth. His grasp for power, allegiance--at any cost. He would win the war of capturing the hearts of those created in God's image, for himself. Pride is the starting point for sin to grow and flourish.

In this light, when the One true God, the creator of the world, the all powerful, omniscient God, comes to the earth, with no stately form or majesty, as a man of sorrows acquainted with grief; as a humble, poor carpenter, --it gives new meaning to the value of "I am humble of heart."

Exactly in contrast to Satan who would exalt himself above all people--at any cost to crushing and killing the souls of all people in order that God would not have allegiance of his own, Jesus comes to bow His knee before the Father and willingly lays down his life for all--even the very lowly, to serve, wash their feet, heal their diseases, forgive their worst deeds.

So, for me,  all pride and exalting of myself makes me less like Jesus. All "I am better than you" thoughts because of anything I have done or accomplished--takes me more in the direction of Satan's attitude than that of Jesus. If Jesus, "did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but humbled himself by becoming obedient, even to the point of death," (Philipians 2: 6-8), then His humility of heart becomes my standard.

Jesus who touched lepers, spoke with and forgave prostitutes, ate with tax-collectors, rubbed shoulders with sinners and felt compassion for them, then if I want to be like Him, I must take the same posture. Repenting of pride, humbling myself--seeing myself as modest in my own estimation--serving all people that Christ may be exalted in my life--a life-changing lesson. Indeed in my pursuit of the best to offer my student, Joy, the very windows of heaven were opened up to my soul.

But, then, came the realization that my daughter would not believe the words I taught unless I modeled them to her--humbly serving all in my home, accepting the limitations of all in my life as Jesus did; becoming more of a servant leader--seeking to wash the feet of those He brings my way--only in this will my student believe that I believe the words of my exalted Teacher, "I am meek and humble of heart. Learn from me."

And so in the preparation and teaching of truth, I am discipled by the One who is true and I am hopefully changed forever.

Raising Self Governed Children (Our 24 Family Ways #23)

Way #23

We exercise self-control at all times and in every kind of situation.

Memory Verse: 

"A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control." -Proverbs 29:11

 A sweet mom recently came over for tea and said she felt like pulling her hair out.  (Don't we all at times.)

When she described her situation, I understood that she was afraid to train or discipline her children at all for fear they would not like her, so she rarely made them respond to her.

Often we as moms allow permissive behavior in parenting calling it grace.  Yet, children who are not directed or taught to practice becoming stronger little by little, ruling over their impulses are unhappy and frustrated with themselves much of the time. Getting their own way all the time does not satisfy a child's longing for security and self- control..

Later, I described the situation to my older children, and asked them what they thought we had done differently that had prevented them from behaving quite so crazily as these littles. It was humorous to hear how opinionated they were, as each reminded me how intentionally we taught them to be patient and to wait their turn–because they all remembered it the same way. We were (and are!) strong believers in a concept I call self-government–probably a Victorian character quality that I read about along the way in a book about the principle approach to life.

Self-government is defined this way: a person learns to command himself, his impulses, his work habits, emotions, intellect, and talents, and to rule over his will in a productive way. Children can begin this at a very early age, and I have found it to also be of utmost importance to adults–as one cannot be a mature believer unless one has mastered self-government, self-control and patience--or is at least growing in that direction.

The idea behind self-government is that all of us have power and authority over our own lives. This power comes from within, and can help us master problems, surmount obstacles, and use our self-will to achieve great things. Self-government doesn’t mean working out life in the flesh without the power of God, but affirms that we have a moral character that can be strengthened by our will, through practice. The person who has cultivated this kind of strong character is useful and productive in every area of life.

This quality helps a believer exercise faith, courage, and perseverance in the midst of trials. It is what helps a pianist to practice long hours, an athlete to exercise rigorously in order to become a champion, a missionary to master a language and remain faithful in a foreign country until there is a multiplying ministry, a wife to bear up with grace when married to an immature husband, a mother to continue over and over to practice patience with a sick or rebellious child–the unseen power of governing life by mature, faith-based choices as opposed to temporary, self-centered feelings.

Self-governing isn’t the natural default of a child’s behavior, of course. We taught it to our children intentionally. We can see the biblical principle for self-government in this passage from Deuteronomy: “I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse. So choose life in order that you may live, you and your descendants.” (Deuteronomy 30:19)

God tells the Israelites to obey Him, and if they do, they will be blessed. If they don’t obey, they will be cursed–there were consequences to their decisions. In life all choices have consequences. Our children need to understand that they will reap what they sow.

I used to say to my children over and over again, “Daddy and I cannot make you into great people. You have the power to determine how strong you become by how you exercise your will. We can train you and teach you how to be good and how to be righteous, but you have to decide to obey, and you have to decide that you want to become a person of godly character. God made you such a wonderful child, so I hope you will decide to do your best to become all that you can be. It is in your hands. It is yours to decide to respond, but I am praying and hoping that you will.”

When we appeal to our children’s hearts for excellence and choices of good behavior, then we are giving them the will and desire to be excellent for themselves. Their desire comes from within and their motivation is from the heart. But if we train them behaviorally by always forcing them to do what we want them to do because they might get a spanking or some other kind of threatened discipline, their motivation is to avoid spanking or harshness, not to please God or to please their parents by having a good heart and responding in obedience.

My desire as a mom is that my children would internalize all the precepts we have taught them over the years. I want them to love God and obey Him because they earnestly love Him and desire to please Him. This foundation will carry them throughout all the decision-making processes they will face for the rest of their lives.

If you have the desire to go deeper today, feel free to complete the reflection and application below:

• "I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse. So choose life in order that you may live, you and your descendants.” Deuteronomy 30:19 It’s our job as mamas to set before our children life and death—and to encourage them to choose life! What are you doing to draw your children toward life?

• “Like a city that is broken into and without walls is a man who has no control over his spirit.” Proverbs 25:28 What a frightening picture this was at the time this scripture was written! A city without walls had no protection; no vantage point to watch for enemies; no means of defense. And so we are, when we have no self-control. Is self-control an area in your own life that could use some work? How can you build your own “city walls”?

• Do you tend to try to motivate your children’s choices through behavioral training, or through reaching their hearts? How can you change the way you instinctively respond to your children? Spend time in prayer asking the Lord’s help in this area.

10 Gifts of Wisdom came out of my desire to define areas for moms that will prepare their children to flourish in the world. Without training, a child flounders and searches how to live life well. So many young adults I know have never had the kind of training that lends strength and vision and confidence in character and so they are subject to each whim or opinion that comes out on the internet.

Education of morals, habits, character and faith determine the foundations upon which a life will be built. Strong foundations lend themselves to vast structures. Make a plan today about how you will build those foundations into your own life and that of your children!

We are almost done with our Summer Study of Our 24 Family Ways! I'm so glad you have joined me. See the entire series by clicking the image below.

Teaching our Children to Follow God Begins By Giving Them an Example to Follow Along the Path of Life (24 Family Ways #22)

24 Family Ways #22

We ask before we act when we do not know what is right to do.

Memory Verse:

He who walks with the wise is wise. A companion of fools suffers harm. 

Proverbs 15:20

"By walking in integrity at home, my children received from my life, training for battles that were ahead of them. By walking through the obstacles and curves of our lives, trusting God, living by faith, choosing to endure, our children became familiar with what it looked like to walk with God in the midst of their own challenges." -Sally Clarkson, The Mom Walk

When your children walk with you, are they walking with a wise person?  Can they look at your seasoned responses, your insightful understanding of people, your fortitude in difficult times as they walk the moments of your daily life? Children watch us, listen to us when we are talking to others, hear us behind closed doors as we talk to our husband, see us in public. Our lives are the walk that our children will imitate.

When your children are not sure which way to do, how to respond, or  what is right or wrong, do they come to you for guidance? Do they know that you are the one to ask for wisdom in difficult moments?

We are in a generation and culture that has turned our children's training grounds into a battlefield. With relative morality, confusing voices, compromise of ideals, secular media values and opposing opinions, where will our children find clarity and strong, secure values to embrace?

As mothers, we must be ready and equipped with steady feet and strong souls to lead the way for our kids with integrity. We will give them confidence as we walk, staying close to them, holding their hand, and showing them sure footsteps to follow.

"O Lord, who may abide in Your tent? Who may dwell on Your holy hill? He who walks with integrity, and works righteousness, and speaks the truth in his heart." -Psalm 15:1-2

No matter how old your children become, you are the example for them. They will always be looking at you to see integrity, ideals, and how you interact with God. And the longer you provide your children with wisdom based on truth, the more they will quickly consider your advice as they walk their own adult journey. Still, on a daily basis, I am walking with my adult children. They learned to trust their "path guide" on the trail of life we walked together, day by day.

We must lead the way and set a solid foundation for the paths our children will follow. Teaching our children to walk truly never ends.

Are you walking in wisdom today? Is your life one you want your children to follow? Is your pathway in your life with God getting brighter and brighter? May God lead us on His path with integrity in each step.

What are some of the ways you make each day a focussed moment of a loving relationship as you walk the days with your children?

But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, That shines brighter and brighter until the full day

Proverbs 4: 18

Why Does Motherhood matter? Because babies Matter for Eternity!

 

Training leaders in my home in June to start small groups, retreats, Bible studies to teach women Biblical foundations of motherhood, marriage, discipleship.

Dark-blue eyes the color of blueberries, stared up intensely in the direction of my voice. Two matching bruises on her forehead, gave a battered look to her tiny face, with dripping dark strands of hair and pearl-white skin framing her face. At that moment, I was star-struck with my little new born, first child, Sarah.

At almost 31, never having changed a diaper, never knowing a mom who had nursed her children, and not even knowing how to hold her, I was not expecting the overwhelming love and reverence that would fill my heart the moment she arrived and was gently placed into my arms.

For a moment, I had her alone, and quiet filled the room. As I was holding her gingerly so as not to harm her, it was as if God was whispering to me:

“You are holding eternity in your arms. This little one is a miracle gift from me. Will you cherish her and love her so that when she grows up, she will believe that I love her? Will you be responsible to shape and fill her mind with the best stories so she will always believe in heroes? Will you whisper to her the secrets of my ways, teach her what is true, give her a place to grow strong and a sanctuary for life in which to celebrate all that is good in life so that she will fill the treasure-chest of her soul with all that is good, true and beautiful?”

Truly, for me, it was a defining moment. In one brief twinkling of time, totally startling thoughts to me, the imagination of what a home could be was wrapped in this little 7 pound gift. I would be the conductor of the life that shaped the potential locked in the heart, soul and mind of this little one. I began to understand that I would be a conductor of life for this little one born dependent on my guidance, love and direction of her life."

A Ministry to Mothers

The conviction about the strategic role of motherhood grew into a passion and call on my life over the years.  Since I became a mother, I have studied the Bible about the issues of motherhood and had written 12 books, many of which underline the profound importance of motherhood. By God's grace, this is the 20th year Clay and I will be hosting a Mom Heart Conference: a place to encourage, instruct and inspire moms to embrace their calls of motherhood to build godly generations.

We launched a small group ministry to encourage Moms to start groups of encouragement to others in their area to be sure mamas everywhere are having the opportunity to be inspired in their roles to raise godly generations.

We will be relaunching a new Mom Heart Website that will give more articles, training, ideas, and videos to encourage moms in their roles and in their groups.

The Core Message

Mothers are the civilizers of nations because they civilize, train and inspire their children  to love God, to have a heart that values righteousness, they model serving Christ in front of them every day. Through this amazing work, children become adults who serve God actively and who bring His kingdom to bear.

When a culture has lost the imagination of the importance of motherhood, and has forgotten that a baby is God's best work of art and creativity, making an eternal human being in His Image, then a culture can adopt devastating practices that we have all witnessed in planned parenthood.

What a person believes and cherishes in their hearts determines what a person does and how they behave in life..

A Call To Engage, to be Involved

What are you doing, planning, that will change your world for God's glory?  How are you planning to bring His light to bear? This is not a time for passivity or excuses, this is your time to live a story of faith for God by reaching out and seeking to help others know Him, love Him and serve Him.

How Am I Going to Own My Life and Ministry the next year as I seek God? 

**The next couple of weeks, I will be out of pocket because I will be in Europe meeting with leaders to discuss how I might do a Mom's conference, a leadership intensive to train others in ministry, and a homeschooling conference for missionaries and women there who lack support. Please pray that God will open doors and allow us to minister to thousands of moms to have a vision of motherhood. I hope to either host more leadership seminars in my home, and in other countries, or video tape my leadership conferences to send all over the world. (We just taped our messages in June and will be making those available.)

**We are planning to put up a page in Spanish on my blog and are in the process of translating a couple of books in Spanish to inspire and encourage those in the Spanish speaking world.

**I have written a new book that gives vision and purpose of home that I hope will inspire women all over the world with the vision of how they can use their homes to be sanctuaries of all that is holy to cultivate all in their homes to be followers of Christ.

**A friend and I also plan to do weekly podcasts speaking of issues that might encourage women. Pray we can get this up and going. It's coming soon, when I return!

Join me and hundreds if other Women!

I hope you will not tire of seeing my posts about Own Your Life. I hope you will bear with me one more time. I have received so many letters asking for further help and inspiration and so I decided to do my own blog, podcast and series to refresh and encourage you, my friends in ministry using these tools.

But this fall, I will be doing a series using my book Own Your Life, and the planner, with podcasts and stories to help inspire women to think more strategically about their own lives in light of how God might use them in this world to bring His light and love right where they are. I hope you will join me.

You may buy these books as a resource to my Monday and Friday sessions this fall to help you plan how to Own Your LIfe, Own your Fall, Own  your ministry, Own your family! :)

So, pray for my safety on this trip. Please pray for good health. Pray for Joy who will be with me. Pray for God to keep opening doors for us to encourage and inspire women all over the world. Pray for our leadership meetings with women where I will be visiting. I will be back in a couple of weeks. God be lifted up in your life and in mine!

Many of you know that we, our family, Clay and me, have a ministry that develops all of these materials and conferences and outreaches. If God ever puts it on your heart to become partners with us in our projects, you may donate it HERE. It is because of our many friends and supporters that we have been able to pursue our projects for the last 20 years. Thanks to all of you who have been a part.

Righteousness is a Direction of the Heart {24 Family Ways #21)

Way # 21 We do what we know is right, regardless what others do or say.

Memory Verse: 

How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, Nor stand in the path of sinners, Nor sit in the seat of scoffers!  But his delight is in the law of the Lord, And in His law he meditates day and night.

Psalm 1:1-2

With warm mugs of coffee in hand, ease of mood and cheer of heart, the kids were sitting around repeating all of the mantras they heard over and over again throughout their lives.

“Mama, the funny thing is, I hear your voice every day of my life, everywhere I go. And the funny thing is, it keeps directing me to make good decisions.”

Sometimes we don’t think our children are listening to our repeated in instruction. Yet, I believe that “Train up a child in the way he should go,” is a part of shaping brain pathways of truth and morality in the minds and even the souls of our children as they shape their values.

One of the mantras they heard over and over again was, “Wrong is always wrong even if everyone is doing it. Right is always right even if no one is doing it.”

Each of my children, as they have gone into very compromising places of thought and behavior, (Hollywood, New York City, Boston, Oxford, Cambridge), have said that developing this wisdom as a part of making decisions has helped them not to compromise. Having foundations of truth give strength amidst the important temptations, decisions of adult life. Understanding that the world is a place of compromise, and that we were called to be holy, set apart–light in the darkness, salt in a tasteless world, prepared my children to go into very challenging arenas, armed with an understanding of what the battle would become, and how they would be tested.

In a world of relative value and constant compromise, (“Oh, everyone I know who is a Christian watches this kind of show.” Or “Everyone else I know says it is ok.” And then follows, “I am a liberated Christian. I can do this in the name of religious freedom.”), we must give our children a sense of absolutes in the areas that are important to God. If we listen to the voices in the world, on blogs, on facebook, even in Christian culture, we must understand that such voices create compromise.

The Ten Commandments are a great place to start–no adultery, no idols, setting themselves apart to remember their God, and to honor Him, as well as honoring their sweet mama, (Me) and their great Daddy, Clay.

Our family considers ourselves also to have great freedom, yet we also have strong standards of holiness and morality because we have focussed on seeking to please the heart of God.

The only way you can create freedom to live righteously and give wisdom in knowing how to behave in life is to teach about Jesus and His instruction every day. Only when we have pondered His words, can we understand His heart towards life.

Psalm 1 is a passage I used over and over again to train my children to walk not in the counsel of their friends or the world, but to delight in the heart and rightness of God’s words in order to have a sensitive conscience to what He wanted them to do. We acted out and memorized through verse 4 and it became a picture of what a righteous person looked like in a culture that was cynical, criticizing, compromising—the blessed man walks in the counsel of the Lord.

My children had to say “no” to certain age-inappropriate movies when we were not around. They had to learn to be the ones who would not participate in certain activities of other groups. They learned, by practicing, not to engage in immoral images on the computer, (this usually will eventually accost all children–but they need to learn to say no! And they need to know they can trust you to tell you what they have seen to ask for your help.)

We talked about media, peer pressure, foolishness and read proverbs together many times to find wise ways of living.

Learning to be righteous is a heart issue, not a rules memorized issue.

If it feels wrong to their heart that has been shaped on righteousness, then it is probably wrong. But you need to talk to your children as they grow, about choices, trusting you, listening to God, living above reproach in a culture that is evil.

We cannot force righteousness on our children by legalism and harshness. This only makes them want to hide from us. But instead, we nurture and cultivate a love for goodness by cultivating it in our home each day.

In all of our ideals, righteousness is progressive. In other words, we make mistakes, we fail, sometimes we do foolish things because they are so accepted in culture. Sometimes, wickedness jumps after us like Potifer’s wife chasing Joseph. And our children learned the concept of fleeing–just drop what will burn you and flee–run immediately away from the temptation.

Yet, Proverbs reminds us, “The path of the righteous is like the dawn which shines brighter until the full day.”

We train our children in our home, we help them and love them even if they fall, we pick them up, we protect them, we walk with them on the paths of righteousness, and they grow stronger day by day, year by year, and learn for themselves to hear the voice of the Holy Spirit, who leads them in righteousness.

Maturity is a muscle built strong by much exercise.

How have you taught your children the concept of being holy–set aside for God’s purposes and glory?

This post is a part of the The 24 Family Ways Series here on the blog this summer. Click through the image to see all the posts- I hope they are an encouragement to your family!

Podcasts, webcasts, Book studies for the Fall--what do you think?

http://youtu.be/aW7ozuscefE I know, I know this is a repeat of 24 Way, 20--but different perspective and I wanted you to see the video!

The video above was recorded almost 2 years ago. Women all over the world tell us they are sad that they can't go to a mom's conference because we do not have them in their areas. For several years, Clay and I have been trying to figure out how to reach more women with e-conferences, materials, videos--and tryig to figure out what is sustainable for us and for you. I have gotten so much great feedback from the webcast we did last week, so we are trying to figure out how to do more. But I may even try my hand at some podcasts soon. Let me know if you like these ways of our reaching out.

I am excited to pursue more ways to help, inspire and encourage women--especially in this time when babies and mamas are not affirmed for the amazingly strategic role they have in the lives of future generations through the sweet ones in their home. Pray for us as we develop new ways. We are hosting our last Mom Heart Conference--celebrating year 20. But we have plans for more conferences up our sleeves--if God works  it out with us.

This fall, I will be going through the study guide and issues of the Own Your Life Book by using the planner as a guide, alongside the book Own Your Life. I will have both audio and written articles to inspire. Hope you will join me for this. Thanks for the great mail I have received about the conference and the study guide. So glad it is helping and you have enjoyed it. Below is another look at way 20 because I wanted you to have the video to see that we have been working on more media for a couple of years. It is coming!

And oh, the picture below--wouldn't it be great if we all met in a beautiful old castle and had tea and talk together. Not quite my life, is it yours? Blessings today!

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John Robert Dicksee

Gracious: characterized by kindness, thoughtfulness, and warm courtesy.

Tea-time-relationships: serving someone thoughtfulness, time and kindness has opened many hearts in my life-time.

"Graciousness is that quality in a person's behavior towards others that shows them their worth, their value in God's eyes and honors them based on God's image and imprint on their lives. "

Sally C.

WAY # 20: We choose to be gracious, even when we do not feel like it! 

Memory Verse:

"Let love of the brethren continue. 2 Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it." Hebrews 13:1-2

Deep throated shouting, the shrill screams of a woman, dust flying, crowds running to see the spectacle, left the terrified woman fearing for her life. The Pharisees were bringing a woman caught in adultery and were attempting to test Jesus to see just how liberal He was--to see if He would defy the law and extend his hand of grace to a woman waiting to be killed by the stoning the law required.

Perhaps this woman was poor and had stooped to make money the wrong way. Perhaps she was abused, or deeply wounded and lonely. Or even just selfish and caught in lust. But, in the crowd of men, screaming, jeering people, she must have felt terror, shame, fear and grief all at once.

Jesus, the God who had formed her, looked into her eyes, saw her heart, knew all of her days and acts, and knew her deep need for forgiveness. I imagine Him giving His hand to her to pull her off the ground, helping her brush the dust off of her garment. And then, he extended a gentle but authoritative voice of graciousness.

"Straightening up, Jesus said to her, “Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?” 11 She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “I do not condemn you, either." John 8: 10

Jesus, the perfect one, who "while we were yet sinners, died for us." Jesus, who, "although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God to be grasped." Jesus, "while being reviled, did not revile in return, but kept trusting Himself to God."

When Jesus looks into the eyes of my heart, He invites me in--to know His love, His wisdom, His truth, His admonition, His correction. Always, He is gentle and meek, as that is His way. Being in His presence does not call me to want to sin more, quite the opposite. His example of dignifying me and all of us of His children by seeking us out, redeeming us, being gentle and long-suffering with us, causes me to want to be more righteous, more sacrificial, more generous, more of a servant. His life transforms me. But His life is one of gracious behavior.

How many people are in our lives who have felt the sting of condemnation, criticism, abuse and we might be the only ones who show them the gentle, gracious, humble love of God.

When we teach our children to be gracious, we are teaching them:

Not to judge but to see themselves as those who extend the supernatural forgiveness of God

Teaching them not to think about themselves but others

Training them to have self-control over their emotions--to choose to be gracious as a part of the values that inform their behavior

Showing them how to face the world as Jesus did--not as a legalistic Pharisee, but as the servant King

When someone is king or thoughtful or honoring of me, it ministers to me greatly. In a world of cynicism, easy judgement on facebook, (I cringe every time someone easily criticizes me--especially when many of my critics have never even met me.), and a world of back-biting and gossip, the graciousness of God which honors a person because God has honored them, is transforming and will draw others to Christ.

And so, we treat our children with respect, serve them in humility, choose to use honorable words to our husbands, to friends, because when they learn this attribute of God, they will become those who win the souls of others who are so longing for someone to validate their worth.

This is something we practice, we grow in. If you are like me, you blow it and lose your patience. But God Himself, humble, bowing His knee in the dirty ground, asks us to do as He did. The more I practice and ponder this attribute of His behavior, the more amazed I am that He would ever forgive me--but in knowing His gentle, dignified and generous honoring of His very own children, I have come to love Him more and appreciate my salvation more deeply because I understand each day how much I do not deserve it.

May God give each of us the strength today to behave in a gracious way, so that the world may see what Jesus is like through us every day.

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Here is the study guide that I will use this fall.

Order HERE

The Loss of a Golden Legacy

Beloved Kelsey, 2002-2015--almost 14 years old.

As told by my most precious Nathan

I pressed my phone closer to my ear to make sure I heard correctly; as the repeated words flowed through the speaker from the other side of the country, my heart dropped.From a 6th floor apartment I looked out over New York City as the evening sky slowly turned dark. I pressed ‘end’ and tried to let the reality of the news I just heard sink in-- Kelsey my childhood Golden Retriever was going to be put down.

I’m not someone who typically is prone to large shows of emotion or public displays of distress, in fact many people in my life have looked to me to be a voice of strength and logic in the midst of stormy times. But that night, a thousands miles away from my home, I felt tears pushing strong from behind my eyes, and a sob begin to rise in the pit of my stomach.

The last time I saw Kelsey had been just weeks before during a visit home where I witnessed first hand the effects of time on my beloved pet. But even though she moved slower and  grew tired more easily, I could still see the twinkle in her eye of the creature we all knew and loved. I thought back to the countless times through the years Kelsey brought a comforting paw to my moments of frustration as a young man growing up with OCD, I remembered as a puppy her jumping on each of our beds waking us up excited to start the day with her humans, and I recalled her and uniquely precocious yelp she would make from the living room calling us into be with her, because like me, she hated to be alone.

So as I sat in New York remembering 14 years of a her short life, I had to wonder to myself, why the death of a pet was touching my usually impervious heart so deeply? Why was this causing emotions I rarely felt to rise to the surface? Was it because it’s just what you’re supposed to do when things die?  Or was it more than that? Could it be  that perhaps I was mourning the end of not just the physical body of Kelsey but instead I was mourning the end of her story? There will always be more golden retrievers in the world; but the tragically beautiful truth is that there will only ever be one Kelsey with the legacy of stories she created; a legacy of laughter, joy, comfort, and companionship to me and so many.

Always a source of joy, fun, and love for my sweet ones as they grew up with her.

I think the interesting thing about the pain we feel at the of the loss of loved ones -something we will all inevitably feel in this temporary life- is that the sadness we experience has little to do with the loss of the physical properties of our loved ones; but instead is routed in something more beautiful, and and profound than anything physical we could ever know. Our pain is wrapped up in the loss of a story.

I believe in a creator, I believe in a God who loves stories so much that he created an entire world in which they could unfold, a world where even Golden Retrievers could play a part. I believe that God loved stories so much, that he gave his life to save ours. And as I sit her now typing the words and remembering the beautiful story that Kelsey left behind, I’m reminded that I will one day leave a story behind, and today I have the choice to decide what kind of story that will be.

I will miss you very much Kelsey.

Nathan

 You can find more about Nathan's musings, HERE: nathanjohnclarkson.com

Graciousness: Giving Dignity to Others 24 Family Way #20

Rhymes for Kindly Children

“A dying culture invariably exhibits personal rudeness. Bad manners. Lack of consideration for others in minor matters. A loss of politeness, of gentle manners, is more significant than is a riot...” ― Robert A. Heinlein,

Way # 20 "We choose to be gracious even when we do not feel like it."

Memory Verse "Keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters. 2 Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it." Hebrews 13: 1-2

Moving to Tennessee when my little ones were small meant that all of us had to leave dear friends to start over again. Sequestering 6 of us in a small hotel room raised the stress levels and I was trying to meet everyone's needs, while feeling blue myself. Food was needed, so I found a grocery store near by.

A southern belle, with a strong drawl was checking me out and smiling so sweetly. "You are just the cutest thing. How are you, tonight, honey? Are you having a good evening?"

Crazy me burst into tears. Somehow having unexpected kindness opened the waters and I realized her gentle, kind voice and soft eyes made me feel like I wasn't invisible and that someone cared at least a little about me--even the stranger at the grocery store.

Contrasting this, rude behavior can also reveal my heart and surprise me with how ready I am to feel badly--even by a stranger's words.

Recently, I was standing in line quietly at Walmart to pick up some medicine. A surly young woman, looked up and glared at me, pointed her finger in my face and said,

"Hey lady! Hey you!  Move back to that fire extinguisher. We don't want you hanging round here so close. It bothers us. Just wait for your turn back behind the fire extinguisher! Go on now!"

Inside, I immediately felt offended by her manner of speaking condescendingly to me and the outright demand she made out-loud in front of a crowd with no sense of graciousness. Her words and attitude accosted my heart. It took me by surprise to react so quickly to someone I had never met.

I wonder if this is how children feel when a mama goes off on them when they are totally unsuspecting.

Probably, this happens to all of us far too often.Each stranger had an impact on my heart, but each made a choice of how they would relate.

I realized how, living in a whole culture that was surly, inconsiderate or dishonoring to people, where people cut in on the freeway, and all sorts of other brow beating incidents,  cultivates hostility. If indeed this incident had taken me by surprise and created a reaction---and I am a believer trying to be loving in my responses--then surely on a larger scale, it would cultivate an atmosphere of casual  disrespect and inconsiderate behaviors of others-which leads to broken or callous relationships on the whole.

Old fashioned manners, honor and respect were drilled into me daily when I was young, and so I drilled it into my own children.

"You need to honor those older than you."

"Make a choice to treat people as though they have worth and use friendly voices and faces."

"Give all people respect as it makes them feel dignified and opens their hearts."

Over and over again we repeated our 24 ways, our desires, correction and modeling graciousness until it became a part of my children's pathways of thinking in each situation.

Jesus bowed his knee to serve every person who came his way--women, prostitutes, children, lepers, tax collectors,  so that His actions gave each person He met worth. There is great dignity in relationships when people learn the ways of graciousness.

However, I fear it is too quickly becoming a lost value. The more we devalue God's values--and dishonor the value of children, the great value of elders and wise older women, and embrace euthanasia,  the more we feel free to criticize everyone in office with no  sense of reverence or culpability towards God, the more we demean the value Jesus gave all human beings. Lace of graciousness is a downward spiral toward the degeneration of all relationships.

When honor is gone, there is no basis for strength or integrity in relationship.

Our sense of graciousness to others, will build our own humility and desire to see God's great worth and holiness.

If a child is not taught that some relationships are holy in nature, worthy of respect an graciousness, then they will have no place in their minds to understand the holy nature of God, and our need to honor and give Him worth through all the ways we behave in life.

How do we train our children to be gracious?

*We give them verses to memorize:

"Do to others as you would have them do to you." Luke 6:31 Then we constantly train and instruct. "Is that the way you would like to be treated? What makes you feel important in the eyes of others? (Stop what you are doing and look someone right in the eyes. That tells them they have great value to you.)

*Teach your children to speak graciously to others.

"Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." (one of my favorite training verses.) And then we say, "How could you have said that more graciously? Did you consider how to respond to everyone so that they would be encouraged?

*Before you have guests to your home, (or before you go to someone else's home for a meal), you train, train, train. "Greet each person who comes to our home in a way that will tell them we are happy to have them. Learn to ask at least one question to everyone who comes so they will know you care.  Please tell the mama who cooked the meal, "thank you for having us," because she will know you appreciate her.

*Give little immediate instructions. "Open the door for people before they walk through when you can." Give up your chair to others older and and others more in need of a chair than yourself." "If you see someone who is being left out of a game, try to find a way to include them."

Graciousness is a constant mindset that says, "I am the mercy of Christ to those in need.

I am the respect of Christ to others who need to know their worth. I am the loving words of Jesus to those who need to hear life-giving words."

When a child grows up developing this kind of graciousness as they go, they will have it as a treasure the rest of their lives. And of course, it goes without saying, that graciousness begins with the way you treat your children--remember, we choose to be gracious to our children even when we do not feel like it!"

We had many conferences, meetings, dinners where our children had to learn to wait on us and to be gracious with good attitudes in their waiting. But training them over and over and over again, gave them a self-image that they were called to become ambassadors for Christ in their worlds, and that is started with honor and gracious giving of themselves to others.

Training in graciousness has opened jobs for my children, scholarships, opportunities of all sorts. Having a value to honor and attend to others has caused others to want to work with them.

Eyes, voice and attitude were the ways we spoke of practically showing graciousness to others.

How have you trained your children to become a picture of the graciousness of God to others?

May someone treat you graciously today!

Be sure to order your Own Your Life planner and Bible study guide today and start your fall off with fresh perspective. I hope you will be inspired by the new stories and material! Buy HERE