A Simple Meal at the End of a Difficult Day Can Be a Feast!

Many years ago, Sarah, Joy and I traveled to Europe with a friend and had quite an adventure making our way to our final destination.  The lesson we all learned that day was that after a difficult day, even the most simple meal can seem a feast!

We'd had a lovely day visiting Beatrix Potter's home, but a persistent rain continued. At the end of our visit, we picked up our luggage and slogged half a mile through the constant soaking rain to the train station.

Our train seemed a welcome haven from the cold, dreary day. We secured four seats together, settled ourselves and all our belongings, then spread out crusty bread; pungent cheddar cheese; and grapes for a picnic lunch on a drop-down table. Not long after we had finished eating, four surly people boarded the train, walked right to where we were seated, and said, "You're sitting in the wrong seats. Even though the tag doesn't say the seats are reserved, we reserved them. You'll have to move."

I was tired and worn out, cold and wet, and a little irritated. After several hours, Sarah, my oldest daughter, shouted down to us from her seat toward the front, "Hurry! I just found out that our stop is the next one and there won't be much time to get off."

Once again, the four of us made a spectacle of ourselves as we exited the train, knocking about with all of our paraphernalia, moving as quickly as possible onto a train platform in an unfamiliar station amidst the black darkness of night. Again, we were met with a constant drizzle.

Our first obstacle was a two-story staircase to the street level, which we had to climb with all our heavy bags in tow. We made it to the top with great relief, but we could find no taxis. Our aim was to locate the bed-and-breakfast where we had reservations. An hour later, we were still slogging through the mud and splashing through unavoidable puddles on cobblestone roads. Our jeans were soaked up to our knees, our hair was dripping wet, and our faces were all smudged with melting mascara.

We all plodded on in silent endurance. Finally, at nine o'clock, one and a half hours after we left the train station, we saw our bed-and-breakfast through the dim light of a streetlamp. We knocked and knocked, and finally we glimpsed a small light turn on at the back of the house. The door opened, and a charming, white-haired, lively man greeted us warmly with a deep English lilt.

"I thought you had decided not to come, and I had given up on you on such a miserable night." After we told him our story, he gasped and said, "Why, the train station is more than two miles from here. I can't believe you walked it in this pouring rain!"

It is amazing how grateful one becomes for simple fare after slogging through a day of rain, cold, miles of walking, and growling stomachs! We gathered around a small antique table, surrounded by teapots, Victorian pictures of children and animals, and an eye-feast of collectibles of every kind.

A steaming pot of strong black coffee, a pile of freshly buttered toast served with whipped honey, bananas, and bowls of cereal became for us a victory banquet. Each morsel was delectable to our appreciative growling stomachs. The shared conversation as we crowded together, the laughing, antics, and stories so generously delivered by our charming host made a great memory for us. The immense relief of being out of the rain, in a warm, inviting room, painted our faces with smiles. Our bodies heaved sighs of contentment as we finally pattered up the stairs to bed.

Later, as I lay in a double bed with my daughter Joy snuggling next to me, I told her that she was amazing to have made it through such a day without complaining even once. "I'm so impressed that you could walk that far and carry your own bags and be so cheerful while knowing you were drenched to the bone and exhausted and hungry. I don't think many thirteen-year-olds would have done so well. It was difficult for me, and I've been traveling for more than thirty years. Then you made it until nine o'clock without a bite to eat. And you were very gracious to our host for his simple meal."

"Mom, I feel so proud of myself," she said. "It's like I passed a hard test and now I feel like I'm a real companion to all the adults. I was thinking about how much more grateful I was for cereal and fruit than if I had a five-course meal prepared by a great chef on a normal day. We shared a great adventure, and I proved to myself that I wasn't just a little girl anymore. Even your friend told me that she didn't know a single teenager who could have done so well. I think this might be my favorite memory of the trip so far!"

What an amazing attitude. And how well she put into practice the apostle James's words: "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing" (James 1:2-4).

How can you encourage your children to persevere in their own difficult situations, today?

This story was shared in Dancing With My Father, available here on Amazon!

Giving in to Spring Fever Might Be The Most Spiritual Thing To Do! A new podcast

St. James Park, last week, behind Buckingham Palace where the queen lives!

So, is it too early to have spring fever?

Don't you think that God meant for us to go outside, to take naps under budding trees, to breathe in pleasure when everything is alive and inviting after a long hard winter?

I thought I would pop if I didn't get to go on my trip to the last couple of weeks. An overwhelming desire to escape was rushing through every molecule of my being.

To breathe apart from responsibility, or phone calls, or requests from loved ones. Just time to blow.

My house needs organizing. Groceries need to be bought. Meals must be made. Birthday presents for Clay, Sarah and Joy need to be gathered. Packing my bags for one more trip with Clay is still waiting for me in my bedroom. I need to work on my conference messages so I will have something quite profound to say to all the sweet moms who will be together in North Carolina.

But, my brain is empty and I just want to play, or nap, or watch a movie!

A maid would be appreciated right now. A personal massage therapist in my home at my beck and call. Someone to provide a fully cooked, fresh, oh so tasty meal--where I do not have to wash a single dish.

But, I want to eat something wonderful without thought of calorie or fat or sugar--and all by myself with no one else to even taste my piece!

Warm sweet cheese Strudel (Vanilla Rahm Strudel) vanilla cream sauce w/berries in Vienna

Yumm! Ate the whole thing and did not feel a bit guilty!

I need to answer correspondence, but I just can't, somehow I just can't.

 I need to work on two chapters of a  book  due next month, and the subject is about owning our priorities in life---hummmmmm!

But right now, I do think I am desperate for about a year off, with a personal assistant to wait on me while I serve everyone else, and a long vacation or journey to a new place, (I love stimulation of new places as a break from the daily grind.),  long uninterrupted time with the closest of friends to some place beautiful and restful; We would hire a gourmet cook where someone cooks all of our meals and cleans up for us, probably a beach,  or mountains or lake district and no responsibility or calls or demands, and no one needing a part of me for one single moment.

Or I would take the girls to a fun place where we would all just talk and play and talk and play and of course eat and coffee or tea a lot! (Yes, I meant to make coffee and tea verbs as we "do it" so much!)

Really, the truth is, spring fever has hit me hard, and very early.

So, is anyone else having spring fever? Anyone else out there need a mid-year adventure?

Just wondering............

Really........Really! Want to play hooky with me today?

What would you do to escape if you could?

Join Kristen and me today in our podcast. Why giving in to spring fever, taking a break, might actually be one of the most spiritual things you can do. And ENJOY your week.

Building a Heritage of Faith

The house is still, my bed so cozy, and the sun’s first rays are only just now reflecting on the Colorado foothills a few miles away.

Even though the drowsiness of sleep lingers, already I can hear the notes of the song that calls out to me every morning. It is my wake- up call, and before I even realize it, I am quietly exiting my bed to start my morning routine.

I slide on my slippers, feel my way through the darkness to the hallway, and shuffle quietly to the kitchen, headed straight for the teakettle. It, too, is slow to get started at this early morning hour, so while I wait for the water to boil, I gaze out the window and through the pine trees to see the glow of sunlight gaining strength on the mountainside.

Tiptoeing to the library with my prepared cup of tea, I flip on the light, sink into my overstuffed chair, and bury myself in the warm, familiar blanket that remains faithfully draped over the couch during the cold winter months. Leaning over, I select several items from my book basket, including my Bible.

Everything is ready now. As I take that first nourishing sip of strong English tea, I prepare to enter into conversation, petition, and reflection with the Lord of the universe.

Spending focused time with God on a daily basis is not always easy. Some days it almost feels impossible. But I’ve learned that what I draw from the well of His goodness in those quiet, unseen moments will do more than just quench my need. It will also be available for me to provide for the spiritually thirsty I encounter along the way.

The river of God’s goodness will flow through me and nourish all who cross my path. My investment in our time together will pay off in my words, my actions, my faith, and my values.

One of my sons enjoyed reading Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers:

The Story of Success (2008), which examines how and why certain high achievers achieve greatness. One concept that was particularly invigorating for my son was the notion that it takes around ten thousand hours of practicing a skill for one to gain expertise. After explaining the concept to me, he pondered out loud, “Mom, I bet you have spent at least ten thousand hours in the Word of God. That makes you an expert in the Bible.”

“I’m not an expert by any means,” I protested. Yet when we added up my probable time spent in Scripture and prayer during all those morning quiet times, even allowing for significant time off each year, we came up with a number well beyond ten thousand hours.

It didn’t happen all at once, of course. I racked up those hours slowly, morning by morning. Even as a magnificent mansion is built one brick at a time, so ten thousand hours come one hour at a time.

Having a morning devotional time was a practice that I was taught as a young college student. And so by the time I got married and had children, it had already become a life habit.

I still don’t know if I’m a Bible expert. But I do know that those hours invested over the years have given me a constant stream of Scripture at my command. Certain verses surprise me all the time by occurring to me at needed moments throughout the day.

Choose today to begin or continue to build that heritage of faith in your children. Begin by having quiet times with them and then as they get older they can have their own, special time with the Lord.

Once Upon a Bedtime

After the podcast about being intentional about bedtime, this story once again came to mind and I wanted to share it so you could see how that ideal played out, once upon a time! Joy was 7 1/2 and as I read this story again, I wanted to take her into my lap, again. But now she is too big. So we just had a morning cup of tea before the day blew into place. Here is our story!

It seemed like such a good idea to let each of my children have a friend over to celebrate New Year's Eve in our home. We provided an abundance of delicious junk food, time-consuming board games, and favorite movies. It was an evening of fun and frenzy as our crowd of young people filled the house with their antics and energy.

The next day, however, with the last guest out the door, little Joy seemed out of sorts. A growing frown clouded her face. I tried to connect with her, but our conversations were short and stunted, interrupted by phone calls, children wanting to eat, a neighborhood dog attacking our own dog, who was in heat—the typical interesting and demanding minutes of life that occupy a family each day.

That evening after dinner the older children wanted to watch a video that would have been enjoyable to me as well. But as we began the show, I realized the subject matter would be of little interest to Joy, who had come up to crawl into my lap.

The Lord seemed to gently push my heart. Joy was growing up so quickly, and I realized I wanted to treasure such moments, which I knew from experience would pass in just a few years. So I suggested that she and I go down to her room, snuggle up on her bed, and watch a Shirley Temple movie called Curly Top.

"Oh, Mommy!" she responded. "Let's do it!"

I hooked up our small TV-VCR on the desk chair next to her bed. We squeezed in together among the pillows on her twin bed to talk, draw pictures, and watch this show, which never failed to delight her. But even before the video began, she began to fairly bubble over with things to say to me. And then I began to understand the reason for her daylong frown.

"Mommy, I feel bad about some things that happened with Ann last night. I've been worrying about it all day, but I didn't want the other kids to hear what I did. I haven't been able to think about anything else."

She proceeded to tell me that she and her friend had taken all the money out of her bank. They had hidden it in a backpack and gone out to the back of our three-acre yard to have an adventure. And somehow, as they counted the money and played with it, they had lost two of the collector coins that were precious to her.

I opened my mouth to speak, but Joy continued, her face very serious.

"I know you've told me not to take my bank down from my closet and not to play with money. But my friend wanted me to do it, and I just didn't want to tell her no!"

When I didn't answer, Joy added pensively, "It seems like when I'm with a friend, I'm always tempted to do what I know I'm not supposed to do."

"Why do you think you feel that way?"

"—Cause I want people to like me, and I'm afraid if Isay no, they won't like me. But then I feel terrible! I knew I couldn't feel okay until I was with you again."

I took a deep breath. This was one of those God-designed situations I always hoped would come my way. Now I prayed that the Lord would make me sensitive to use this teachable moment to guide my precious child on the path of truth.

I opened Joy's Bible and showed her the verse in 1 John 1:9: "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." For the next few minutes I explained again what sin is and why Christ had to come to pay the penalty for our sin. I shared with her my own desire to please people and told about a similar incident in Sarah's life and what negative consequences had ensued. I reminded her that "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23) but that God in his grace forgives us when we repent and turn back to him.

Though Joy had heard this explained to her many times, she was beginning to understand what this meant to her personally because of the awareness she had in her own heart of how easily she could be tempted to go against her conscience.

"Joy," I said, "I think we need to pray together to God. I would like you to tell him what you did that was wrong. That's what confession means. Then let's thank him that he loves you and will always forgive you for anything you ever do. Then I will pray and thank him too."

So we prayed. "Everything's okay now, right?" Joy said. "Right." "You're not mad at me?" "No, I'm happy you did the right thing." And Joy was happy too.  "I think that's what it meant when Pilgrim had to get that burden off his back by laying it at the cross," she pronounced. "Remember when we read that in our Dangerous Journey book?' I just wanted you to help me get this burden off my back, Mom!"

The rest of the evening, Joy unloaded all sorts of dreams, desires, and confessions that burden the heart of a young girl. We talked and talked. We prayed together for God's forgiveness, and I hugged her and kissed her and told her I would always love her, "no matter what!" Finally we snuggled down under her covers and turned on the VCR.

(She didn't even seem to notice that I dozed through most of the movie!)

This story was first told in The Ministry of Motherhood. You can find it here!

Bedtime Discipleship

I'm so grateful Kristen and I had time to record this podcast for you about bedtime discipleship before I made my way to Europe these past couple of weeks!  While we're both so busy, we always enjoy talking about these important topics and sharing our thoughts with you.  Thanks so much for your letters and comments letting us know what you're pondering and questioning as you listen along!

Bedtime discipleship is something that has been on my heart so much recently.  In our house, the bedtime hour has been a time of intentional reconnection with our children: a time to check in with each child to find our what's happening in their lives, to share positive words with them, and prayerfully send them to slumber with grace filling their hearts and minds.  Our desire has been to help our children lay down their burdens and have peace with us as their parents and also with God.

In the Psalms, David talks about meditating on God in the night watches.  And so we want to establish that same pattern in our children's lives.

Our first goal is to get them to open their heart to us, so we ask questions.  What emotions are on their hearts?  It's important to give them time to share secrets, what they’re thinking about, what's happening in their lives and with their friends.

When we end our days relationally and work to put to rest all the fears of the day, our children learn they can trust us in the dark when they’re older.  As adults we are always  run down at the end of the day, with so much on our minds; our children are that way, too. While it can be tempting to send them off to bed with a "goodnight" from another room, if we rush through this time we're afforded each night, we all lose.  Our children want to talk, get their thoughts out, and touch base with us.

This is the time to find out ... What’s your child’s heart condition?  Are they anxious, taking a long time to fall asleep?  Asking questions in the nighttime hours is really the best way of finding out what’s going on in the secret parts of their hearts.  As they tell us about what's happening in their lives, they can be led into more questions ... How does your conscience feel about that?  How can I help you?  Was there some other way you might have responded to that situation?

Let your children tell you their stories. Ask the leading types of questions ...  How are your classes going? What do you think about that thing we talked about yesterday? What’s new happening in your life?  What are you thinking? Who are you meeting? Is there anything you want to ask me?

Every night, children can learn to give God their issues, temptations, difficulties.  We can represent Christ’s forgiveness and understanding and his servant heart to our children when they bring up issues.

I am intentional during these moments to look into my children’s eyes so I can see what’s going on, having become a student of reading their souls through the lens of their eyes.  You can, too! It just takes practice.

It is so important that we put our children to bed with peace.  If you’ve been at odds or  had a difficult time of correction during the day, now's the time to discuss it and make sure the rough places are made smooth.

Make sure to pray with them after you’ve listened to the spilling out of hearts! Teach your children to lay their troubles down, to hand their worries to Jesus. This helps your children build a lifelong habit of laying down their troubles rather than ruminating on them or trying to manage them all themselves.

Finally, give your children a story or verse before you leave the room, so their mind can work over something positive while they’re falling asleep.  Remind them of something sweet they did that day, or when they were little, or perhaps paint a picture of something wonderful in their future, so there’s goodness and hope and fun as they’re falling asleep.

We've also loved leaving music playing in the room when we move on.  Scripture melody lullabies and Michael Card's Lullabies for Babies were popular bedtime choices.

The goal of bedtime traditions is to have a time of connection, resolution, and blessing with our children before they go to sleep. I hope you enjoy today's podcast where we talk more about this important time of day! Read more about traditions important to our family in The Lifegiving Home.

 

Find Beauty in Your Own Backyard

After the whirlwind of a busy conference season, which usually involves countless plane flights, hotels, and faraway cities, I find it such a relief to make that final trip back to our beautiful Colorado home, nestled in the shadow of the Rocky Mountains and surrounded on all sides by snow-laden pine trees. Relaxing by candlelight, sipping coffee, and listening to gorgeous instrumental music while sharing a dessert souffle' with my family is just the kind of rest I need after those busy winter months.

Each of us has our own puzzle of life to figure out, and we assemble the pieces with the grace God provides us in our need. My puzzle of a speaking/writing/ministry life has meant that by March each year, my body is in need of restoration and the rhythms of home.

In Colorado, March still clings to the chill of winter even as signs of spring begin to emerge. The persistence of cold and gray makes it that much harder to persevere with my normal responsibilities.

That is why I almost always take a break in March. The journey of ministry and homemaking to which I have been called is a long one, and if I am to make it to the end with resilience, I have to plan for adequate rest along the way.

It also helps, I’ve learned, to seek out beauty, especially on those long, gray days of March. I remember once that a friend told Sarah, my oldest daughter, that her love for beauty seemed a bit frivolous.

Thankfully I was able to share with her that we are all responsible to keep a light burning in our souls and that beauty is one of the most profound fuels for that fire. Creating a beautiful environment and appreciating the joyful moments in the midst of a fallen, sad world not only nurtures the light in our souls but also helps give light to others.

None of us is immune to pain and ugliness in life. Allowing ourselves to admit that truth and to recognize that our difficulties may persist for years can actually free us to be intentional about staying alive and awake to God’s goodness in the midst of it all. We all have to take responsibility for replenishing our souls, and God has given beauty as a watering can to hydrate the dry and shriveled parts of our lives. Just as God incarnated Himself into the world in the person of Christ, He wants to incarnate His life into our lives every day. Beauty is one of His primary means of doing that.

How do we bring more of this incarnational beauty into our lives and find refreshment when we grow weary? I’ve found it helps to be with people who inspire beauty in my soul and help me become centered and feel understood. These relationships provide a kind of soul sanctuary where I can stop pretending and most fully be myself. Godly friendships can act as human “cathedrals,” and when we enter into the safety of their love and support, we are enabled to worship God more fully in the beauty of His holiness.

We Need God's Refreshment

Walking down aged cobbled streets with the chill of spring air trying to make a comeback, resting in the comfort of one of my very  best friends, Joel, has brought back a sweet memory of when he was a little boy.

As we meandered amongst tall apartments, with ornate facades speaking of artisans of days gone by, we soaked up the "Morgan!" and nods from passerbys. Last week, we rested and lived mindlessly with the desire to restore in Vienna, Austria, where he was born.

This week, meetings, gatherings, personal appointments have brought me back to reality once again in Oxford, England. But the sweet breath of freshness of 3 days hidden brought some life back to my soul. And once again, I have a sweet memory upon which to dwell when I think of Joel in the years to come. The memory below was one when he was 7 years old and is still sweet to me today.

Take time to refresh today, and to make a sweet memory with one of your precious ones, even in the midst of a cluttered day. It will, indeed, pass all too quickly. But today is the day you are building your future best friends.

*******

The house was cloaked in quiet and the fading shadows of night that signal the coming dawn. I gingerly tiptoed through the living room, aware that the slightest noise could awaken a sleeping child. I quickly slipped on my comfortable, broken-in tennis shoes, quietly anticipating the beauty I would find on my private morning walk. It was wildflower season in Texas and I had never seen it so beautiful—pools of deep-azure bluebonnets blanketing open fields and accented by scarlet splashes of Indian paintbrush. I coaxed open the storm door, managed to stifle its annoying squeak, and sneaked out the final few steps to freedom.

I had barely set foot on the front porch stairs when I heard the soft voice from behind me. "Do you mind if I go with you today, Mom?" It was my gentle-spirited, easy-going middle child, Joel.  I almost never had time alone with him, so I quickly adjusted my expectations for a solitary morning walk, happy to have these few moments together with my firstborn son. "Sure, honey! You go get dressed, and I'll wait right here for you." Soon he was back and we headed out into the cool morning.

The road in front of our house was totally deserted, and the brisk morning air raised goose bumps on our arms as the gravel crunched beneath our feet, accentuated by the crisp silence. As the last vestiges of night slowly retreated, Joel's excited voice broke through the morning silence. "Look at that star, Mommy. ..the bright one! What is it?"  Never in my whole life do I remember seeing the morning star, but it seemed that God had hung it there this morning, radiant against the still black sky, just for our pleasure. I took advantage of a teachable moment to remind Joel that Jesus was called the bright and morning star. Like the morning star, he is a beautiful light shining in the darkness, a promise of the light of day that is soon to come.

As we stood there enjoying our star, it was as if the Lord wanted us to celebrate that moment with him and his creation. Within minutes, the sky began to glow in shades of pink and soft purple, and soon the beautiful star faded away into a blue expanse as the most beautiful sunrise I can ever remember seeing ushered in the new day. As my sweet boy held my hand and walked with me on that special morning, we marveled together at the creative handiwork of our Creator, refreshed for the rest of the day. The moment was stamped indelibly on my heart.

I need regular moments in my life like that morning walk, times of refreshment and restoration that refill the spiritual well in my heart, which is too often left dry by the spirit-draining hustle and bustle of contemporary life. If I don't take care to keep it filled, I soon find I have no spiritual refreshment to give to those whom God has put into my life, especially my always-thirsty children. When I let my well run dry, I am no longer able to be a source of refreshing water to them, or to others in my life. To say it more simply, I cannot keep giving out without taking in.

King David prayed to the Lord, his Shepherd, who "leads me beside quiet waters" (Psalm 23:2). Literally, he said that the Lord would lead him to waters of resting places. Shepherds know that not all waters are "restful waters."

Some are shallow, warm, stagnant pools. The good ones, though, are deep pools fed by flowing spring waters that keep the surface water cool, refreshing, and restorative. Such waters provide the very best resting places for weary sheep. That is where God leads us to fill our souls.

Where will you take time today to experience the beauty God has placed all around you?  How can you draw deeply from His refreshment?

You can find Seasons of a Mother's Heart at Amazon!

Seeing Mealtime as A Special Training Ground! (new podcast!)

What a wonderfully busy season we've had around the Clarkson home recently, as Sarah has come home for a visit bringing with her a lovely engagement ring, as well as her lovely fiance, Thomas!  We are quite full of excitement as we also are dealing with the new puppy, snowstorms (which are getting a bit tiring to those of us who have had plenty of them already!), and of course there's always a need for another meal to be prepared.  And then Joel and I head off to Austria and England, where I'll meet with many sweet moms in the Oxford area and then do a bit of wedding planning with Sarah when she returns.

Of course, with all this visiting going on, there's a lot of cooking happening around here!  Thankfully, the children have all learned to contribute to mealtimes.  Joel has become quite expert at making a wonderful, simple potato soup which we serve with crusty bread and a green salad.  Busy evenings might find us gathering around a table set with bowls of grapes and berries and popcorn alongside plates of bread, cheese, and sliced meats. These snack-meals are especially wonderful when we don't want a lot of cleanup!

While the necessity of making one more meal can sometimes be daunting, I realized many years ago that mealtimes actually offered an amazing opportunity to me as a mama.  The need to sit down and fuel our bodies is a wonderful reminder of the need to feed the souls within, and so mealtimes in our home became a wonderful training ground.

Several years ago, I asked both boys separately why they were anxious to come home from the places they were living.  Without knowing the others' response, both told me that our family feast times were what they most looked forward to.   When someone asked Sarah a few years ago, "Why is it that you believe in God?" She said, only a bit tongue in cheek, "I think it's because of the french toast with maple syrup my mom used to serve on Sunday mornings." It sounds funny, but mealtimes truly mean so much to our family!

We can see Jesus, Himself, using mealtimes to reach out to people.  Consider His turning water into wine at the wedding in Cana; the feeding of the 5,000; His provision for them at the Last Supper, and even one of the last stories we read of Him interacting with the disciples--when He called them to a meal of fish cooked over a fire on the beach.  In the future, of course, we look forward to the Wedding Feast of the Lamb, where we will all enjoy a meal together.

And so we made meals a priority, a special time of the day.  Even now, all my grown children ask "What's for dinner tonight?" We'll actually have a chance to light candles and sit around the table sharing our meal and be able to hear from Thomas about his home country tonight. Gathering together, taking time to sit down and listen to one another helps us learn more about each other.  Putting a priority on this time lets everyone know that we want to be with them; that their ideas are important.

Mealtimes don't have to be difficult or costly to be special!  Potato soup and a loaf of bread makes a great dinner, especially on chilly or rainy nights.  Tomato soup with herbs or yogurt or sour cream, grilled cheese sandwiches or toast, breakfast for dinner--all these are favorites which don't take too much time.  Buy things on sale! Or make a big batch of roasted chicken or hamburger, some rice or noodles and add a few more ingredients for a quick meal.

Keep your fridge full, ready for quick meals or unexpected company.  This effort is so worth it, because meals are such an important anchor in our days.

Use dinnertime as an opportunity to develop conversational skills. Ask questions, and teach your children to listen to one another respectfully.  Developing a habit of everyone gathering, everyone talking, over and over, every day, creates deep values and maturity.  While sometimes fidgeting happens and some discussions might be silly, or even become argumentative if you're discussing something controversial, deep friendships are being built even when that's not obvious.  Keep the conversation going and teach your children to work through those discussions.  It will be worth it.

Here are some areas you can focus on during mealtimes ... 1. Family culture: make meal time a fun family building time. Affirm the relationships of the family as fun and important. 2. Manners: this is a natural place to teach them how to handle themselves in the outside world. This is a skill that will serve them well. 3. Conversational skills: Ask them questions, teach them to listen politely to their siblings, teach them to ask questions. 4. Hospitality: have guests over and teach them to be considerate and polite. Teach them to value caring for other people's needs. 5. Responsibility: teach them to clean up and help. 

 We hope you'll enjoy our newest podcast on this topic!

For more lifegiving ideas about mealtimes, see The Lifegiving Home!

"Feeling" The Love of God Through Growing Close Relationships

Unwinding in my cozy little library, I was so engrossed in my book that I didn’t even realize the sun was setting. But then I was jolted out of my reverie by the familiar sound of my cell ringtone.

“Hi, Mama!” chimed the familiar voice of one of my adult children. “I’ve been really busy, but I just needed to hear your voice, to know that you love me and are thinking about me. You know, there’s no substitute for your words of love. Helps me feel closer to God somehow.”

I get a call like that nearly every day—and I make a few calls of my own. My children and I are a tight-knit group, joined at the hip, fast and dedicated friends. They all live and work in very secular arenas and are taxed to their souls on a regular basis. All four travel all over the world for their jobs and schools, have their own groups of friends, and function as reasonably mature adults.

And yet, wherever they go, it is very difficult to meet adults who hold their values, beliefs, morals. Intentionality in our friendship costs time, thoughtfulness, heart investment. Yet, our friendship grows deeper and deeper through the years because they feel a need for a touchpoint with someone who "gets" them and loves them as they are. Next to Clay, my children are my best friends, and we remain their dearest companions. But we are also the tangible fingers and arms of God to keep them in the circle of his love.

Because of back surgery, Clay cannot travel much. But he regularly sends me to places my children live as a "live" picture of our love, cheerleading and devotion to helping them stay fast in their faith. A part of our calling of "home" is to give our children a stable sense of the good foundations of what we believe and then to help them have reason to keep faithful to those foundations after they leave the physical structure of our home. Home is the place we build vibrant, life-giving relationships that last a lifetime.

So it was with Jesus and His disciples. Sharing meals, walking together on dusty roads, having exuberant discussions about theology, sleeping under the stars, sharing hopes and fears, and enjoying some good laughs in between it all—this was the nature of Jesus’ friendships. He wove His love and grace into the lives of all who were close to Him. And as a result they were energized, driven, and excited to spend the rest of their lives telling the world about their closest and most trusted Friend.

When the relational aspect is removed from faith, Christianity becomes a list of rules to keep, a dry obedience to abstract facts. The heart is left feeling perpetually unsatisfied. Over time, doubts and insecurities creep into our faith, and we may begin to develop guilt for not being spiritual enough. We start to hope that no one notices our failure, and—the worst consequence—we may even try to hide our dissatisfaction from God.

This is not even remotely God’s will for our lives. It is a lie of the evil one whispering to us in our inadequacy. Satan wants us to live in condemnation for all the ways we are imperfect in loving. The insidious thing is that the deceptive narrative is self- perpetuating.

It not only makes us believe that God just wants our obedience and good works but also makes us feel like failures when we inevitably don’t live up to those standards, and this causes us to draw even further away from God.

When we observe the lives of those closest to Jesus in His earthly life—the disciples—it becomes immediately apparent that they were alive with faith and hope. Even as flawed human beings, they were filled with a power that can come only from being loved and accepted by their Savior.

This liberating love is still offered to us. God wants to be as close to us as Jesus was to His disciples and to inspire the same kindness and goodness in our hearts. If we as parents can learn to embrace our relationship with God, we will be empowered to create for our children and anyone else who crosses our doorsteps a true culture of love—a home environment where the life of God is breathed through all moments and love becomes the fuel for living with hope, purpose, and expectation.

Ultimately, God desires that we instill in the hearts of those around us the same love that has been made real in our lives. That is the crux of discipleship. Our disciples—whether they be our children, our friends, or anyone else in our care—must eventually be sent out into the world as Jesus sent out His disciples.

When they have grasped the vision of the Kingdom and the King who rules it, they, too, can be world redeemers. But they need to be prepared. Jesus knew He was sending out His disciples into a world where they would often be rejected and abused. He taught them how to handle painful encounters and asked the Father to keep them from the evil one while they were about His business. And over and over, He infused them with His love and taught them to love one another.

Our children, too, will go out into an antagonistic, difficult society. But the power that will hold them fast to the ideals they learned at home will be the bonds of love and the deep companionship we shared with them, the compassion and kindness and grace we gave to them during hard times, and the constant reassurance that they are precious to us and to God. Whatever we have spoken into the daily lives of our children is what they will hear when they are far away.

The Power of Sharing Encouraging Words

"Sweet boy, I love your heart. I love your passion for life. I love your inquisitive mind. The fact that you ask questions so much means you have an active mind. I think you will become a Daniel in your generation, giving a picture of faith to many who do not know how to believe. And I am soooo very glad God gave you to me."

Nathan had been cuddling up to me, wearily leaning under my shoulder with big, sad eyes, as he spoke of getting reprimanded for talking too much in a class, again! So often, his bubbling up got him into trouble. But slowly over years, God had given me a view of his heart, beyond his behavior. I knew that deep inside, there was a desire to know answers, to live well, to be a hero--a superman in his lifetime. But God gave him a mama to draw out the hero that was inside, in spite of the little boy that could not control his tongue or his overactive body.

Encouraging and affirming words—words of life, as I like to call them—have the power to give hope, to strengthen others to keep growing in righteousness. And if I, a grown woman, need them to keep me going through hard times, my children need them even more. Positive words act as water and sunshine to our souls to help them grow strong. Yet I have found that very few people really take the time to say those words that all of us, and especially our children, long to hear.

"I love and appreciate you!" "Your friendship means a lot to me!" "I believe in you and in what God is doing in your life!" "You are special to the Lord and to me, and I am praying for you."

Thinking good thoughts about someone doesn't really bless that person. We have to take the initiative actually to say the words—in person, through a card or e-mail, or even through a phone call.

As I look to the life of Jesus, I see that he constantly blessed people with his words. He often spoke encouragement and affirmation directly to those around him or affirmed them before others.

To the woman who had been hemorrhaging for twelve years, he said, "Daughter, take courage; your faith has made you well" (Matthew 9:22). Even as his touch healed her body, his encouraging words must have healed her heart.

As Mary of Bethany sat at Jesus' feet, he spoke words to her sister that were obviously intended for her ears as well: "Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her" (Luke10:42).  How good those words of support must have felt after she had just been scolded for her poor manners and faulty hospitality.

Jesus greeted Nathanael, whom he would call to be his follower, with strong words of praise: "Behold, an Israelite indeed, in whom is no deceit!" (John 1:47, NKJV).

And at least twice in the Gospels, we see Jesus pronouncing his favor and appreciation to women who anointed him. The first was a woman who was known to be a "sinner" (Luke 7:37-48). Jesus commended her in front of a Pharisee, which must have felt like affirmation indeed. The second time (which is mentioned twice, in Matthew 26:6-13 and Mark 14:9), Jesus commended the woman by promising her deed would be remembered "wherever this gospel is preached in the whole world" (Matthew 26:13). Imagine how she must have felt when he said that! Jesus truly had a spirit of appreciation, affirmation, and encouragement.

Jesus was especially careful to uplift and motivate his disciples with his words. From the beginning he spoke of their potential and their future, saying he would make them "fishers of men," that they would do great wonders, that he loved them just as the Father loved them. And he spoke individual words of blessing they never forgot:

"Blessed are you, Simon Barjona," he said to Peter, "because flesh and blood did not reveal this to you, but My Father who is in heaven. I also say to you that you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build My church; and the gates of Hades will not overpower it" (Matthew 16:17-18).

Now, imagine how special you would feel if Jesus himself affirmed that your insights were revealed to you by God. And then to have him call you a "rock" and say he would build his church on the solid foundation of your life—what confidence those words would inspire. What an anchor of hope it would provide in times of doubt to remember that Jesus had said such things about you. To have the Son of God choose you to lead his church would indeed be a solid foundation from which to minister. Such words would carry you through many a time of doubt.

Even on the last night before his crucifixion, Jesus built up his disciples with words of love, encouragement, and hope. All through that Upper Room Discourse, he poured out words of love, strength, and comfort that would carry them through the painful days to come and through their lives of service to him.

Words matter! They have the power mysteriously to enter our hearts and minds and lift us beyond the present moment into the presence of God himself. How important it is, then, that we mothers, shepherds of our children's lives and hearts, choose our words to them carefully. We must deliberately aim our words at their hearts in such a way as to give our children hope, faith, strength, and also to point them toward the redeeming love of Christ. We can become the affirming voice of God to our children, just as we become a picture of his redeeming reality in their everyday lives. In this way we extend the gift of grace.

Partially Excerpted from The Ministry of Motherhood, available here at Amazon.