All They Need Is Love: Cultivating a Culture of Love in Your Home

"Mom, if there is one place in the world where I fit, it is in our family--wherever we are, whatever we are doing. It's not about the place, it is about belonging to each other, "getting" each other, accepting each other, and celebrating life together. That is what I most miss about being at home."

~an unnamed child in our home :)

As I pack Joy's bags with her and ready Joel to move to Oxford, we have been having long, lingering talks on the front porch after our evening walks.  

"What has meant the most to you about home and what made you feel loved?"

These are some of the things we have pondered. 

Their answer, "The time you spent talking to us, like this, every night, friend time in the summer.'

*Laying with us in our beds talking at nights.

*Dinnertime every night, together, talking, shaping our souls around the same conversations."

*Listening to me when I had things I needed to talk to someone about.

There are so many ways we have discussed the past days. But I think most of all, it is the time invested over and over again, when it requires patience on our part and no one sees.

It is the service of making meals, changing diapers, getting up with a child who cannot sleep or has an ear infection, getting on the floor and playing a board game or helping a girl find the right gift for the birthday party for a friend, drying tears, staying up late with a teen past, you past exhaustion, and listening to their despair of loneliness and assuring them they will indeed find kindred spirits, . 

The way of love is not only a commitment in our hearts that says, "Of course I love you, you are my child."  But a giving of ourselves day after day, so that others might feel His love, His grace, His hands of comfort and His words.

Every child needs and longs for a place to belong, a people to be a part of, a place to feel at ease, affirmation for who they are as they are, amidst all their failures, all their flaws--

a sanctuary that gives abundant life and love and protects from all the evils that lurk outside the walls of that home.

Love should be the very air that our children breathe, the atmosphere, the foundation from which all other character is trained, from which all instruction comes.

LOVE, FIRST.

That kind of love pervading the atmosphere of life requires one who conducts it intentionally through all the moments of the days and years. And then when love fails, nurtures hearts of forgiveness, grace and freedom and picks right back up again.

So often, we want to just have life be defined by formulas to keep, rules to follow, neat patterns by which to live. Or perhaps we want to give love in one fell swoop--a present at Christmas, a card and candy at Valentines day. But that kind of love cheapens the love that Jesus modeled when he came to serve, gave up his rights and them died for us quietly, generously.

I even think many parents are suspicious about the idea of loving their children too freely. We hear the admonitions ...

"Well, you don't want to spoil them and flatter them too much!"

Jesus loved His disciples so well that they were willing to give their lives for His cause.

I am not speaking about false flattery. I am speaking of generous, committed, serving, sacrificial love--which was the basis of God's love for us.

Shouldn't it be the basis for our love for our children?

If we really studied, pondered, cherished, and applied the ways of Jesus' love as it is shown in scripture, wouldn't the way we parent--especially the way we mother-- look different?

WHY IS IT WE APPLY SCRIPTURE DIFFERENTLY TO OUR CHILDREN THAN TO ANYONE ELSE?

If we were made for love, and if love is the foundational need in the deep places of our hearts, then knowing that our children have this need, should shape how we seek to influence them.

Jesus Himself said, "They will know you by your love for one another."

Not only the world will know us as believers by our love for one another, our children, our friends, our spouses will also measure and assess in their hearts the reality of God, by how much we display His love in our home.

How does this apply to the way we parent our children or love our spouses, or serve our neighbors?

I have written out many verses from scripture on loving today. If these verses go deep into our hearts, penetrate our very being; if we ponder Jesus and understand Him, then we will understand that deep, abiding love is the culture around which our homes should be built.

It is through establishing a "love culture" in our homes that our children will be taught what God is really like.

"Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails." 

~I Corinthians 13: 4-8

"Love is a perfect bond of unity."

~Colossians 3:14

"Love covers a multitude of sins."

~I Peter 4:8

"Love your neighbor as yourself."

~Mark 12:31

"If I then, the Lord and the Teacher, washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. 15 For I gave you an example that you also should do as I did to you."

~John 13:14-15

"If I have done this to you," (girding Himself with a towel and washing the feet of His disciples before He also died for them on the cross) "so you should also do this to one another."

HOW DO WE MODEL SERVANT LEADERSHIP TO OUR CHILDREN? HOW DO WE LOVE THAT MUCH?

It is what reached the disciples' hearts, so that they gave their lives to His cause. Is this the secret to our influence over our own children's hearts as well?

One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?”

" 'The most important one,' answered Jesus, 'is this: "Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength." The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

~Mark 12:30-31

Perhaps we are to love our children as much as we love ourselves; to lay down our lives for them. Jesus surely meant that it was the basis for relating to all people-- not just others, but our own family!

“For God so loved the world,that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

~John 3:16

Are we willing to give up as much for our children as God gave up for us?

 " ... but God demonstrates his own love toward us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."

~Romans 5:8

His love covered us when we were still failing, stumbling, wallowing in our selfishness. God, as our Father, saved us while we were still in our sin. What does this imply about us being parents to our own sinful children? That we show love while they are yet sinners.

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

~Romans 8:37-39

Is there any attitude or action that can separate your child from you, from your love, or is your love generous and consistent, forgiving, long-suffering?

"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

~Galatians 2:20

This is the hardest--the giving up of ourselves as He did for us.

"See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are."

~1 John 3:1

Hope you enjoy our podcast this week. We so appreciate it when you share it with your friends. Your comments and letters have meant so much to Kristen and me!

For more encouragement on Shaping a Home Culture of Love, read The Life Giving Home! Check it out on the sidebar. 

What Does It Look Like to Inspire Our Children?

Sarah was putting the last artistic touches on a Christmas package. Always attentive to detail, she had adorned her gift with wrapping fit for a queen. Delicate snowflake tissue paper lined the shipping box in which she placed the foil-wrapped gift, making sure the curled ribbon wasn't crushed. Seven-year-old Joy sat licking a cinnamon candy stick as she watched Sarah finish her task.

"You must be sending that package to one of your best friends! It's so beautiful! I wish I would get a package like that in the mail from one of my friends!"

"No, Joy. Actually, I'm sending this to a girl I just recently met on one of my trips."

"Well, why are you taking so much time to make it so pretty, since you hardly even know her? I think you should send it to your best friend!"

Sarah sat down at the cluttered kitchen table to explain.

"The girl I'm sending this present to probably won't get any other presents from friends. She's had a lot of problems and has been rejected by a lot of people in her life. Her mom has been married to two different men, and she has been real sad and lonely moving from house to house. I thought I would try to brighten her life just a little bit by sending this. And I'm putting it in a pretty package because she needs to know she is loved even more than my best friends need to know it."

"I'm glad you're my sister, Sarah!" Joy said as she skipped away from the table, satisfied in her soul with the answer Sarah had given.

When we consider how to pass on the gift of inspiration to our children, we often think of taking them to church or getting them involved in a children's program or youth group, and those activities can be very positive. But even more important, I believe, is doing for them what Sarah was doing for Joy and what Jesus did for his disciples: helping them develop a heart for ministry by showing them what it means to reach out in love and compassion to others.

Too often, I think, we are tempted to view outreach mostly in terms of missionaries reaching unchurched people in faraway lands or perhaps an evangelistic crusade for thousands or an enthusiastic youth-group rally. But Jesus gave us a very different model of ministry when he took the time to reach out to people he encountered in the course of his every- day life. He happened to go by Simon Peter's home after a trip to the synagogue, and while there, he healed Peter's sick mother-in-law (Mark 1:29-31). He went to a friend's house and scandalized the Pharisees by drinking and eating with the people he met there—"tax collectors and sinners" (Luke 5:29-32). He commended a Roman soldier in front of a crowd of people for his great faith (Matthew 8:5-13). Wherever he walked, he encountered people in need, he had compassion on them, and he helped them.

Have you considered what it looks like to inspire your children through your own actions?

Harvesting A Godly Character: Christians, addicted to mediocrity....why?

Rembrandt, The Money Changer

Needing grace in my life! How about you? As I approach a deadline for editing, a wedding in Oxford in two weeks for my Sarah, podcasts, deadlines, getting two adult children moved overseas, packing, living in between, I find myself needing space and time that I do not have. So, I covet your prayers amidst it all and leave you with an article of my days past--that gets to the heart of Harvesting a Godly Character. 

Meanwhile, I hope you are all enjoying your summer and storing up fun and great memories for the new season coming. Hope you enjoy my podcast with Kristen--we enjoy our podcasts and engaging with all of you so much.

”Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.” --Aristotle

Rembrandt became a master of light and  a detailed painter, exquisite faces by training, practice, and years and years of painting, over and over and over again--practice. And so it is with any craft, skill, degree or accomplishment.

However, it is also true of character and a Christian testimony--the character that is habituated to improving, developing integrity by practice, stretching to work hard, to do the best, to exceed expectations comes from daily practice and personal integrity. Those whose ideals are set high and aim, each day to pursue those ideals will have the opportunity to become excellent in any field.

This comes from an inner grid, the way one learns to see life and expects himself to live. We called this "self-government," when we trained excellence of character into the very fiber of our children's souls.

I have been surrounded by mediocrity, compromise and substandard Christians in several public arenas and personal situations lately. I have asked myself, with the image of the living God imprinted upon my very being, shouldn't I, and all true believers,  be able to call forth excellence and integrity as a reflection of Him in my life.

"As a man sows, so shall he reap." Galatians

Yet, excellence and integrity is a personal issue. One can only become this way through a personal commitment, a vision of oneself, and a decision that says,

"Regardless of what is happening around me, I will be the best I can be, work the hardest I am able, pursue the highest standards--especially for my personal life where no one but God sees--because I have been bought with a price and have His Holy Spirit residing within. So my worship of Him requires that I pursue the standard of His Holiness as an affirmation of His reality in my life."

Whether as a mother training the character of children, filling their minds with excellent writers, artists, thinkers, or as a woman being a steward of every aspect of her life, one can only become excellent by stretching, determining to obey His still small voice and then using every resource to pursue bringing His light and imprint upon this world.

This labor of excellence, personally and in the lives of our children, may/will take many long years--but if we are not committed to pursuing whatever it takes to build this excellence, then what hope does our future have--and even more, how can we represent Him, who has given all?

Paul said, "Follow me as I follow Christ." We are called to become leaders that others can follow and emulate.With every year of faith, there should be more of Him reflecting through our lives.  It is not a choice, it is a call on our lives. We cannot say, "I am a Christian, but I think I will make "c's or d's" in my character choices. We aim high because the love of Christ compels us.

More in the months ahead--but have just been pondering--why are so many believers falling so short of His best?

Not talking about being a pharisee--talking about what we should expect as royalty--children of the most high God. What do you think? Have we set our standards far too low?

Summer: A Time to Sow Seeds

Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds that you plant.

Robert Louis Stevenson

In my sixties, I am finally at the age where I am actually reaping what I have sown in the lives of my children. So many seasons of planting by faith, watering ground that showed no obvious growth, I wondered if my seeds were growing. Yet, now, I love seeing my children as adults, living out of the garden of their soul that was planted through the years.

But, planting over and over again, faithfully tilling, watering the seeds of righteousness and faith takes time and intention. I also plant, now,  and planted then, with the eyes of discipleship--focussing on the word, a Biblical perspective, words that give life, a vision for what they would become as they lived fully into their stewardship of life.

A story comes to mind that Nathan recently mentioned to me that he thinks made a difference in the lives of his friends--as well as his own life, as we invested in his friends so that he could have godly community. 

Nathan and I were driving home one day after one of our heart-to-heart conversations, he suddenly said, "Mom, why don't you make a steak dinner for my friends--really spoil them? Then maybe you could tell them some of what you've told me, about their futures and loving God and being committed to really eternal things. Would you do that for me?"

I said a breathless, bright-eyed "Yes!" I could hardly imagine that my 18-year-old would be willing to expose his own best buds to his mother's impassioned thoughts, but the fact that it was his idea, not mine, spoke loudly of his own good heart. I was thrilled and honored.

Several weeks later, we did just that. There was an abundance of laughter, fun, and celebration as the boys all feasted on grilled steak and all the fixings. When they were full of food, we moved onto the couches where I shared with them. To a chorus of deep chuckles, I complimented Nathan on choosing the handsomest, smartest boys he could find to be his friends. I let them know how glad we were to know them and that I wanted to encourage them about their journey ahead. I simply shared five foundational verses with them that I thought were biblical priorities on which they should build the foundations of their lives.

How amazed I was as they patiently looked up the Bible verses and chatted with me about what the words meant to them. We prayed together, and I dedicated each boy into God's hands, and asked him to guide them, bless them, and watch over them. As we broke up, each young man hugged me with a hearty good-bye. They were all leaving home in the next few days, and I might not see them again for a while, but we parted company feeling complete.

There is a summer season of life in which the lives and hearts of children are open to the sowing of seed. It is a season in which we need to be ready to respond to their open hearts and to make the most of each moment. God requires that we cultivate, sow into, and water the gardens of our children's hearts in this season of growing.

From the time a toddler can understand language until the time when middle-school-aged children approach maturity, there are bounteous seasons when their hearts are open and ready for planting the seeds that will bear future fruit of spiritual truth, emotional health, unwavering moral standards, educational excellence, and general well-being. During these times we must take every opportunity to cultivate the ground of our children's hearts, to make them ready to take in the seeds of righteousness that God has prepared us to plant there.

There is still time for planting during the high school and college years, but the days are shorter then. This season is meant for children to mature, to begin the owning of their own lives and convictions. Other voices begin to speak into their lives. The time of seed-sowing in the life of a child is one that must be treasured and used well, because it will come to a sudden end as the seeds grow to full fruit and the time for the harvest has come.

The season of planting does not last forever; it is a gift of time granted for a single fleeting season. But what precious time! I have come to understand that what is planted in their lives in this time will determine the future harvest in the lives of my children—great stories of heroic believers, living words of biblical wisdom and encouragement, pictures of godly character, memories of daily love and affection. The outcome of their souls depends in large part upon how well I till their hearts and plant the seeds of love and righteousness. I think that in many ways the heart of the mother's soul is reflected in the soul harvest of her children—what we sow we will indeed also reap.

How important it is then that I take every opportunity to be a skillful and wise farmer of the souls of my children. I must faithfully and generously work the ground of my children's hearts, plant seeds of righteousness, and water those seeds with my love and prayers, because the season of harvest is ahead when there will be no more time to plant. And it will come sooner and more quickly than I expect.

"Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap.For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith." ~ Galatians 6:6-10

How might you sow into the lives of your children, today?

"Come Look!" Jesus commanded. Actively Looking for the Fingerprints of God

Walking with Sarah at sunset by our home.....

Recently, Sarah came home to a whirl of activity. With only two weeks as the last time she would be at home as a single woman, our days were filled to the hilt. Cleaning out closets to figure out what precious items she should send to her new home in England, meeting with dear friends, going to all of our favorite places, trying to get in all of our favorite traditions and finishing 3 papers for Oxford all during these days. 

Evening walks have become a rhythm in our lives since she was a tiny girl. Breathing in the unique beauty every night of our mountains shimmering with golds, pinks, blues and breathing in the safe intimacy of walking with a best friend kindled our hearts with enough energy to make it through all the demands of these days. 

"Breathe in the beauty of God every day that you are married, sweet precious. Leave your burdens in His capable hands every day before you go to bed. Remember, 'Fret not, it leads only to evil doing. Taking time to notice His fingerprints in your life will give you perspective every day--He is bigger than all of the issues in your life. He is more powerful than all the stresses that you bear--let Him take them."

Somehow I wanted to say every wise thing I had ever told her through all the years. 

Sea of Gallilee

Matthew 4:23-5:1 sets up a similar scene. Jesus had been traveling through the regions of Galilee teaching in synagogues, speaking to small and large groups, and healing many people. We read that large crowds followed him from many villages in Galilee, the Decapolis, Jerusalem, Judea, and beyond.

Jesus must have been weary and spent from giving out so much to so many, and yet he obviously drew deeply from his reserves. He "went up on a mountain" as was his habit, invited his disciples to sit near him, and began to speak words that would change lives.

There is a gently sloping hillside on the northeast corner near the Sea of Galilee where some have speculated he preached this message. Or it might have been another mountain. But it must have been a beautiful natural setting with grass, trees, flowers, birds, and possibly the sea sparkling nearby. Jesus used the very hillside for teaching eternal truths. To the thousands of spiritually hungry and hurting people surrounding him, he used the flowers and birds to proclaim the mysteries of the kingdom of God:

"For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink;

nor for your body, as to what you will put on.

Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?

Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?...

And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these.

But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you?" Matthew 6:25-26,28-30

Can you imagine listening to these words while resting on the grass and watching the gentle mountain breeze entice the wildflowers into a delicate dance on the meadow as chirping birds fly effortlessly from tree to tree? How could you help but feel the pressures of your daily troubles lift as you breathe the fresh air and hear the voice of Truth remind you to rest and trust?

Note that what Jesus was doing in this passage was very similar to what I did with Sarah the day of that amazing sunset. He was saying, "Come look!" at God's handiwork and then pointing beyond the handiwork to God himself.

"Look," Jesus told the crowds and his disciples that day. "Observe." Another translation says "consider." Jesus wanted his followers to pay attention to God's reality and presence in the world around them. He also wanted them to ponder and focus their attention beyond the natural to the God who wanted them to trust him. He was giving them the gift of inspiration!

If we desire to pass on that gift to our children, we will always be on the lookout for opportunities to tell them to "look" and "observe" and ponder. We must be ready to point them to signs of his living presence in our daily lives—and also to point beyond our circumstances to him who is beyond the limitations of this world. This awareness of divine reality helps open their hearts to God's will and pleasure at any moment and to lift them above the tedium of the mundane.

When we take the opportunity to expose our children to the glory of God displayed in a rainbow or powerful ocean waves or a star-studded night sky, we are helping them understand that there is a Being much bigger than themselves who created the universe and holds it together with his power.

When we tell them about our answered prayers and those amazing "coincidences" that confirm God's presence in our lives, we help them realize that God is close and caring and active in our daily circumstances. When we explain the things we have been able to do in the Holy Spirit's power that we couldn't accomplish alone, we help them understand how God works and what he can accomplish through us. As we tell them"look" and "observe," we instill the hope that a supernatural Being, more powerful than we can understand, intervenes in time and space to help us and to interact with our lives.

Have you thought about the world around you as a way to experience God's wonderful provision and power lately?

Loving Well: The Power to Transforming Relationships for Life

Loving well is the most profound commitment of life. Measure your Life by how well you have loved.

                                                    Sally Clarkson, Own Your Life Book

 No matter how we try, none of us will ever have a perfect family. Most families are fraught with personality issues, immaturity, selfishness and baggage of unhealthy relationships from a past broken family heritage.  

No church, ministry, neighborhood holds perfect, always happy relationships, either. Because we are a part of these groups, we make them unstable because none of us is perfect.   And often, we are most disappointed when we have conflict, fall-outs, and broken relationships with other believers.  

I wish I had known this earlier, as I was broken-hearted and disillusioned the first time we were involved in church where several created disharmony and separations with groups in the church.   Yet, another aspect of growing in love is giving ourselves time and grace to grow.

Most of us never knew how selfish we were until we got married and had children. All of us fall short, but all of us can mature. Learn every day to live more and more into the foundational love and unconditional grace of God and you will become a generous lover like Jesus is.  

It is best if we also know we will never be perfect in loving or in relationships. It will keep us humble, generous and make us more likely to forgive.  

Love is the food that fuels each of our lives with health, hope, and a sense of well-being.  That is why is it most important that we learn to practice loving well, forgiving more each year and guarding our mouths so as not to create unnecessary conflict.  

Learning lots about the importance of loving well came through being a mama to children who were starving for it from the beginning.  

"Mama, you love me the most, right?" ....Our joke through all the years but repeated over and over again.  "I love you the "Joyest" and you the "Nathanest" and you the "Sarahest" and you the "Joelest," my sweets.  

Seems that even now, I am often texting, emailing, fb'ing my kids how much I love them, how special they are to me, how much they are beloved by God.  All of my children have gone through bouts of doubt when confronted by a constant barrage of challenges. All four have written notes to me to say our constant love is what pulled them through. "You always believed in us, you were always at our back. You never gave up!"  

A heritage of being loved and cherished is profoundly important in the life of any human being.  Surrounded by people who care for their needs, commit to cherishing them from birth to death, wrapping them in the bonds of unconditional love is a legacy that will give them strength, hope and vision through the rest of their lives.  

It is something that cannot be bought or quantified or boxed. Love is a real, day in day out, giving of ourselves for the benefit of others God has placed in our lives--a giving of ourselves for the blessing of others.

When we love and touch affectionately, it pre-disposes our children to remember the caresses and affection of love hidden in the pathways of their brains and will cause them to be more prone to believe in the love of God when they are teens and we tell them, again, that God loves them.

 When children are deprived of love as an infant, consequences to their health, emotional stability, understanding and perception of God, ability to hold relationships and even intelligence is effected the rest of their lives. Of course, Christ is able to redeem and restore all things.

I know in my own life that restoration and healing are possible. But in this fallen world, the process of healing may take awhile.  God created all of us with a deep need to be loved, and a capacity to love generously.  

Being loved perfectly was God's original design, it was born in His heart when he created us to know Him intimately.    If I could point to one thing that truly had an impact in my children, it was giving them a foundation of unconditional love. Generous, overwhelming, words of affirmation, an expectation of forgiveness, acts of service, and many more gestures of love is what opened our children's hearts to listen to our messages about God.  

Loving our children and our friends as they are, appreciating the personality that God has given them, restoring them to generous love when they have failed, pouring out love even when they were at arm's length, focussing on love as the lens through which I looked at life as a mother, giving out words of love on a daily basis--sometimes many times a day, became the fuel for building a fire in their hearts to want to love God.  

When love is modeled as a way of life, then a child has the brain patterns, the very familiarity of how love feels from a parent, and will then be more able to experience the love of God when introduced to it as a concept.  We read:  

God is love.  

Greater love has no one than this than a man lay down his life for his friend.  

The two greatest commandments are to love God and to love others.

 Love one another and so fulfill the law of Christ.  

They will know you are my disciples by your love for one another.

 So many times, parents are afraid that if they show their love for their children too much, they will spoil them. (I am not talking about enabling them by giving in to every whim, but real, unconditional, servant, mature love.)  Has anyone ever loved you too much? Or do you wish for more love?  

Though I was loved in many ways, I grew up with some performance based issues in my family, I often felt inadequate and as though I could never do quite enough to please others--my parents, the world--God Himself. I felt defeated in my inner heart, though I kept striving to perform for many years.  However,

it was at a college conference in Mexico my junior year, that a wonderful teacher personally explained to me, while focussing on my heart's cries for over an hour, that God truly loved me and that nothing would ever separate me from his love.  This knowledge changed my life forever.  Then I read and pondered and studied the life of Christ with His disciples. It was His love poured out, serving them and their families, living with them, giving them words of life; cooking for them, washing their feet, encouraging them, that so changed their lives that they were willing to give their lives for His cause.  

We as adults must understand that unconditional love, as shown by Christ, is the foundation to good relationships.  

 But the place that our children learn this kind of mature love is by watching us practice loving them in our home.  Many of you, never really understood or experienced love in this way while growing up and perhaps you carry unhealthy habits of relating to people in ways you learned in your home growing up.  What I have found is that by receiving God's love by faith and then practicing it in my home with my family has stretched my ability to love, and it has changed my life.

Reading books about relationship has given me tools to recognize what is healthy behavior and what is not (Boundaries and Safe People are two books by Cloud and Townsend that have  helped me to recognize un-health in myself and in others.)  Recognizing habits that do not build my relationships and learning to grow little by little has helped me move in the direction of strong friendships and stable family relationships. This has also helped me to understand and recognize unhealthy people that come into my life and to understand more about how to establish boundaries in ways that protect me from manipulative or broken people. This has become especially important to me in ministry, where I am interacting and committing to people all the time. But the love of God has slowly transformed my life over many years.

In making loving well my goal, I have learned to love many people better and more effectively. It is a process of growth.  

In our own family devotional, The 24 Family Ways, we made love prominent in our training.  

Way # 5 WE LOVE ONE ANOTHER, TREATING EACH OTHER WITH KINDNESS, GENTLENESS AND RESPECT.  

MEMORY VERSE:  "Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has seen God at any time; if we love one another, God abides in us, and His love is perfected in us." I John 4:11-12  

If we understand the importance of building this foundation of loving our precious children and teaching them to love others, we will give them the power they need to build strong relationships, stay strong in marriage, learn to work in ministry and a profession well--in short, we will give them the ability to have a fuller, more fulfilling life.  

Loving my adult children is still just as important as when they were young.  The world can be hostile to adults who seek to live morally excellent lives, and who attempt to live lives for the glory of God. And so even now, loving, listening, encouraging, supporting and giving my adult children a home where they will be circled in love and commitment of friendship is one of the pulls in their lives to uphold their ideals in a very challenging time.  Love covers a multitude of sin.  Love is a perfect bond of unity.  

So today, commit in your journal what it means to love to each of the precious ones entrusted into your hands and then begin by practicing love today.  How do you show your children acts of love that penetrates their hearts? 

Buy on Amazon

 

Don't forget to read the chapter in Own Your Life this week and answer the questions to apply more of what you are learning.

Making Time for Rest and Renewal

In my house and in my life, it's always time for tea!

This morning, I am sipping very strong coffee (french press variety) and still in my gown at 11:00 a.m. and taking a few minutes to breathe. Yes, I did have to get up with the dog after having her surgery yesterday and tend to her, met with Clay for almost an hour to talk about life and the wedding coming up, helped Joy find her wallet, talked with Joel and helped him gathered some things before he flew out the door to record a book on tape, and then finished editing one more chapter of a book coming soon.

I just never had time to get dressed. And I knew I needed a 15 minute, one woman coffee time before moving on to the rest of the day's demands.

In today's whirlwind culture, it's become common to feel pressed to "power through" every possible situation in life.  Whether we are ill, exhausted, or dealing with a personal crisis, (or planning weddings in Oxford from thousands of miles away :)), we seem hesitant to take time to refresh ourselves.  Putting on a brave face, taking a deep breath, and drinking yet another cup of coffee may help for awhile, but it isn't the best answer long-term when we realize we're truly exhausted in body, soul, and/or spirit.

Even though I love ministering to and inspiring others to Biblical ideals, I get physically and emotionally drained speaking at weekend seminars. All of my energy has to be focused outwardly, which is not natural to my personality. It's no wonder that as soon as the workshop is over I feel a deep need to get away and be by myself. I am not natural at being in the center of attention, so I have to have time to get back to my personal emotional center. I need reflective time alone to refill my spiritual well. 

It also helps me understand why I need regular time away from my children. As a young mama who chose to home educate my children, I had committed to a life that was not an introverted lifestyle. Four little people wanted my attention every moment of the day, and there were still other big ones standing in line when my children were  through with me! Since it is impossible to find a place or the time to be alone in a house full of people, I have learned to be creative.

When I was 44, and writing my first book, there was a wonderful French bakery about ten minutes from my home that became my private getaway. Just the atmosphere ministers to my soul—French-roasted coffee, brick-oven-baked European breads, a fresh-cut flower on each wooden table, baroque music in the background. It is so reminiscent of the Viennese coffeehouses that Clay and I frequented during our years of ministry in Austria. If I could go there even for just an hour in the early morning, by myself, and enjoy my quiche and coffee without anyone begging for a taste, I come home a totally different person.

I would be newly invigorated and ready for the active life of running after the four always-on- the-go, chattering little squirrels I call my children. One year, I would go for breakfast by myself at least once a week at 6:30 in the mornings. (my children were 13, 10, 8 and 2) Clay would get up with the kids, feed them breakfast and I would be home by 8:00 so that he could go to the office. It was a miracle small retreat for me that changed the days for me.

On rare occasions of personal crisis, I have needed an extended time alone. Several years ago I suffered a serious miscarriage, during which I lost a large amount of blood, leaving me extremely anemic. While I was recovering, my father became ill and died. I was already drained from starting a new mom's group with classes for 120 children and a Bible study for the mothers, and from a broken relationship with another couple at church. I was exhausted physically, emotionally, and spiritually. To give me time to recuperate, Clay offered to take the kids home to Texas to visit their grandmother for two weeks. I definitely needed their time away.

I had in mind that while they were gone I would clean and organize the house, get my files in shape, read a book or two about interests that applied to my parenting and educational goals for my children and to refresh and motivate me. Of course I planned to spend some extended time with the Lord. Instead, I slept a lot, ate my favorite foods, went out to restaurants with my mother who flew in to visit, met a couple of friends for lunch, watched some old movies, and spent some casual time reading my Bible. I accomplished very little while the family was gone, but when they returned I was refreshed, rejuvenated, and ready to get back to real life. I'd just needed some physical, emotional, and spiritual rest--and fun away from all the goals and work of parenting, marriage and motherhood.

Whatever your personality, be sure you allow yourself the time to be refreshed in a way that is right for you. There is no single, one-size-fits--all formula for how and where that happens, but you need enough time with yourself to determine how and where it will happen for you. But when you take care of your personal needs and make time to invest in your own well-being through this marathon of life, you will live a more sustainable life.

Sometimes, the most spiritual thing you can do is take some time alone, eat something delicious and look at something beautiful--and accomplish absolutely nothing visible at all!

Jesus knew his own disciples needed such time.

And He said to them, "Come away by yourselves to a secluded place and rest a while." (For there were many people coming and going, and they did not even have time to eat.) ~ Mark 6:31

Do you need to give yourself permission to rest and renew, friend? Summer is a great time to build in small, personal retreats to give yourself renewed energy for a demanding life.

I'm Birthing A New Blog!

Seems like most of life is waiting. Waiting to get out of school, waiting to get a job, waiting to get married, waiting to get pregnant, waiting to have the baby, waiting till that baby sleep through the night, and you know the rest of the story. 

After three children, I waited almost 7 years, with two miscarriages, before I got pregnant with sweet baby Joy. At 41 years old, I was so excited to have the opportunity of another sweet little girl. And then I waited through months of morning sickness, swollen ankles, wandering through sleepy days, waiting for the reward slowly coming at the end of my pregnancy.

After thirty weeks of pregnancy, contractions began coming so often, my doctor told me I was in danger of having little Joy too early. For eight weeks, I was put to bedrest, and waited and waited and waited in forced quietness for her to develop enough for me to go into a healthy labor..

Fast forward. At 38 weeks, my doctor said I could enter back into a normal life. I gingerly got out of bed rest and prepared for her birth. Since my others had been born at 38 weeks, I readied myself for her imminent coming.

And then I waited again. And waited. At 42 weeks, I was as big as a barn, or at least felt like it, and was still waiting and waiting. Nothing could move this child--not walking 5 miles, getting stung by a scorpion, or chasing after 3 other kids would bring her out. Finally, at almost midnight, my water broke and Joy Marie entered the world. I thought she would never come!

Joy was well worth the wait, a thousand times over. My effervescent source of joy, a bestie to walk through life with, a spiritual resource of wisdom and thought and a friend of my heart who companions me through life as a strong supporter and kindred spirit. Yes, all those times of waiting for her to process built one of the best gifts God has given.

Have you ever had something in your life that you were planning on, wanted to see it to fruition, and yet you had to wait and wait and wait? A remodeling job, a vacation, a move to a another home, a pregnancy, or the opportunity to work on a project, a new job, another baby?

For over a the last year and a half, I have wanted to design my own new website--one with more photos, a place that would better express my heart and store all of my words in a way that would be easier to engage in, a holding place for my podcasts--and lots of lovely, beautiful life-giving photos.

Yet, since I am limited, and not a blog designer, and had piles of responsibilities on my to do list, I had to wait. There was that 3 months of constant out of town company, two of my kids moving home, another two children far away going through life crisis that required a lot of time. Thanksgiving,Christmas holidays, the book launch, the conferences, blog posts, trips, and still everyone wanted to eat 3 times a day and bills had to be paid and the house cared for, and and and...life! And so I put the new blog design on the back burner and planned and waited and lived my daily life with the dreams still perking in my mind.

Often women say, "How do you do it all?"  

My answer, "I don't do it all. What I do is imperfect and it is working over a very long time."

I have learned that if I am to thrive personally, in ministry, in marriage, in physical health, I have to keep the center priorities at the center and do the other things little by little. And so this blog languished. I knew I could do something more beautiful, more appealing, but I had to take care of my other responsibilities first.

Often, women say, "I know I have a book cooking inside of me. I believe God has called me to a ministry to women but it means I will have to leave my children in order to do it."

In my own personal experience, dreams take a lifetime. But messages of integrity come through years of being faithful to our priorities, years of living a true life so that truth can be written from experience and wisdom, and not just from desire. God gives all of us different capacity and a different puzzle. Sometimes very young women accomplish a lot. (Joy and Sarah amaze me at their ability to think, write, be productive.) But often, as in the life of Joseph of the Bible, dreams are a long term process.

But dreams and ideals fuel our passion to keep going in the direction of creative projects, meaningful engagement and a heart belief that somehow our lives can make a difference in our world. 

And so today, I share my new blog with you, a fun dream in the imagination over the past months, incomplete, still pages to fill out, surprises to come. I would love for you to go to the home page, to scroll down and see the new pages, to see the ones coming soon, and to pray that many will find encouragement in these pages. 

But my prayer is that this will be a space where we can celebrate life, ideals, faith, motherhood, goals, fun, friendship and celebration of life. I am so very happy you have joined in this space. I would love hear from you! Let me know what you think!

Joy, my angel gift from God worth the wait, a thousand times over!

Exceptional Women Feed the Souls of Others From the Richness of Their Souls

Mary Cassatt: The Reader

Mary Cassatt (1844-1926) The Reader 1877 Oil on canvas

A woman who thinks and reads,  who takes the time to build a reservoir of wisdom and knowledge in her own heart, soul and mind, will serve others well and invest in those in her sphere of influence.

Sally Clarkson

Dinner was simmering on the stove as I tossed a salad and heated some rolls to accompany our herbed chicken soup. Without a stop, I had been running through my day since 6 in the morning and was looking so forward to sitting down.

Just then, the phone rang and a dear, sweet, young friend, said softly, "Please, I need to pick your brain to draw from your experience. I am over my head."

As my two girls listened to me, talking, encouraging, praying with my friend who was amidst a dark life dilemma, I hung up the phone and announced, "Dinner is served! Light the candle and call the boys and tell them all is ready."

"Wow, mom, that's what I call discipleship while cooking--maybe a new book title."

We all giggled and sat down to eat. But, I thought again about how ministry and the need to help another, soothe a child, confront sin, share wisdom from scripture never happens at convenient moments. It happens amidst the craziness of life. And whenever we are squeezed, what we have stored within will come out.

Soul care is something that must be planned for, invested in, prepared for on a regular basis in order to have something Biblical to give out when life or a friend squeezes us.

Two of my favorite passages in all of scripture are found in Proverbs 8 and Proverbs 9.

Throughout Proverbs, wisdom is always referred to as a woman. She teaches, instructs, creates, calls out to fools to come in her house to learn insight and to understand knowledge. What a great picture of what God created women to be and to become--civilizers of people, influencers of generations, shapers of nations.

However, rare are the times I meet with someone whose wisdom, education and knowledge expand my own soul and inspire me to become more excellent. Yet, when I find such women, I seek as much time as I am able to find with them. I love to walk with the wise and take notes and so I seek the company of mature, wise women.

It is a glory to God when a woman is found to be a treasure chest filled with ideas, education, convictions, a resource of excellence and insight. The becoming of an excellent woman, one who is at peace with her life, takes a lifetime of investing into her soul, one day at a time. Patience, gentleness for ourselves gives the grace to grow through seasons of growth and seasons of winter.

I have been intrigued, lately, by the thought of writing a book about great women--those who leave a legacy of spirituality, influence, wisdom and grace in the wake of their lives. I have known a number of what I would consider "great women" and I have been gathering ideas on the the areas of strength and commitment that they all seem to share in common. I am wondering if that kind of a book would appeal to women like you, my friends. It seems to me today that our churches are neglecting some of the training and vision that can build women into godly, strong leaders in their generation.

Often, women lack vision for what an impact they can make and how God has created them to become influential in their worlds, not just through deeds, but also through teaching, thinking, writing, training.

Of course one of the attributes that has arisen from studying and interviewing these women, is that all of them are great readers. They have invested many hours in engaging their minds in scripture, with great thinkers, biographies and when I talk to them, I know I will be stimulated to greater thoughts and ideas because what is in their soul is worthy for me to come into contact with. A woman cannot give out greatness of mind if she has not invested her mind in great thoughts.

Now I am not talking about formal education. As a matter of fact, I learned so little of what I know from college, or public school. Most of what I know has been in my own personal pursuit, my own hunger to know as well as my desire to pass on great thoughts and ideas to my children. Being accountable to them, being a steward of their minds and thoughts has created an environment of learning for me. Any child who has a mother who loves to learn, will be blessed.

All women who are made in God's image, and who want to pursue excellence of mind, must intentionally cultivate their ability to think, to understand theology (the knowledge of God), and to follow paths of wisdom. Great women think well and pursue the virtue of a mind that can suitably worship God by its great thoughts.

I consider myself a resource of God's truth, wisdom, beauty, love character and excellence. If God brings someone into my sphere, I hope that in some small way, I can be a light to their day, their issues they are facing.

This verse has been the one that has defined for me how I want to build intentionally:

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. Phil. 4;8

When we take responsibility for our own souls, for the glory of God, we will always be seeking those things which will fill us with His goodness and truth. But I am getting off the subject. I have pondered what you really want me to write about. Please help me to know what is on your own heart.

These are some subjects I have contemplated writing about:

Leaving a Legacy of Faith, Hope and Love of God

Traditions that give life

Cultivating a Great Soul

How to cultivate deeper friendship and community

The aspects of a life-giving home

Discipleship of my children, of Women

How to have a quiet time

Cultivating a habit of Sabbath rest in the midst of a busy life

Great books to read--for children, women, young adults, boys and girls

Meeting the emotional, spiritual, friendship needs of babies, children, teens, young adults

Getting rid of guilt and inadequacy

Living a sustainable life for the long term

Dealing with loneliness and depression

Loving well

Cultivating joy amidst the demands of life

Taking time to invest in beauty, pleasure, fun, rest to create a long term sense of well-being

What are some of the ways you hope to grow in your own life? How are you making a plan to see that little by little you are building a rich, full soul?

Hope you enjoy the podcast today. Be sure the read the accompanying chapters in Own Your Life.