For all of my sweet friends who love my podcasts, you will love love love this podcast. Jamie Ivey asks some great questions. Enjoy!
And here are the show notes: http://jamieivey.com/happy-hour-127-sally-clarkson
She asks questions that I wanted to answer for a long time.
Inside the heart of most people who are born is a desire to know and enjoy great stories, and a longing to know and understand what meaningful part we might play in the story. Jesus used stories to teach, to inspire, to tell truths. When my little out of the box boy came into my life I decided that I would reach his heart by telling him stories that would grab his imagination and that would give him hope for becoming a hero in God's story.
Nathan did not come with an instruction book.
He did not sleep through the night until he was 4 years old. His little body seemed agitated. His spunky personality, strong-willed heart presented challenges at almost every point.
But I could see, he was a boy with a big hero heart. He loved heroes. He acted out noble stories with a cape on and sword lifted high. My determination to find what made his heart sing was through filling his little mind with stories of hope, goodness, adventure and inspiration so he could picture himself as a part of a great story.
Nathan helped me to become a prayer warrior because I spent so much time asking God for wisdom, insight and help. And so God showed me his heart and helped me to see the plans He had for Nathan to grow up in to a man who would be noble, true and good.
I chose stories that would give a foundation to his soul that cooperated with the desires of His heart. Nathan has shared his own memories about this process and some of his favorite boy books that inspired him.
It ends up, Nathan is a kindred spirit--a dreamer, an idealist, one who wants to bring his messages to bear in the world--and that is why he was out of the box, because God made him so.
Here is his side of the story.
As a young ADHD boy, I had a hard time sitting still for long periods of time.
Much less sitting still at all.
So reading long books for hours on end, seemed about as possible as flying to my eight year old mind. But one thing I day dreamed about was to be Superman.
My wise mama, while knowing how her son worked, also knew the value of good stories in my life. So, she found a way to work within my limitations and find a way for me to ingest the stories that would end up shaping me, while simultaneously doing it in a way I didn’t feel like I was going to explode.
Everyday I would pull out the pad of paper and colored pens she had bought me while she would begin reading aloud to me. It was my task to create the pictures for the story unfolding, I took my job very seriously and had no idea that my love of heros and righteousness was being made. I grew to love and look forward to these times, and as I look back even now at 23 years old, I can see what a deep impact they had on my life.
Boys are made to be hero’s and warriors, we are made to look at great men and emulate their actions. Being a great MOB, my mom knew how vital it was to give me good pictures of what real men/heros looked like.
So today I would love to share with you some of the books/stories that have had the biggest impact on my life.
Lets dive into the first edition list of the reads that shaped me, that just might have an eternal impact on your young man in training.
1. Hero Tales: Oh my goodness! What a series packed with substance and inspiring messages. I think what I loved so much about this set of books, is that the stories were about REAL people in history who led amazing God honoring lives. As a young man it was immensely important to me to not just hear good stories with morals, but good stories about actual people who fought for goodness and chose to live a life worthy of being called heroic. I loved that they weren’t some fictional character, but rather these were real heros confronted with real problems, making real choices, and living REAL lives worthy of emulation .
2. Catherine Voss Bible: I can remember every morning for the better half of my life, waking up, walking downstairs and sitting down to listen to one or both of my parents read the novelized version of the entire Bible. It was something I looked forward to my entire childhood and something that has never left me. It was the first time I can remember the Bible and the stories in it coming alive. To this day, the way I know most of the random and lesser known stories in the Bible, is not through heavy study guides and personal study, but rather through a childhood of listening to this awesome book.
3. God’s Smuggler: This is the true story of a wayward boy, growing up to be one of the most influential missionaries and bible smugglers in the entire world. It’s the tale of Brother Andrew, a man who eventually learned what an adventurous and amazing life you can have once you make the choice to follow Jesus. I ended up reading the book myself again after it had been read to me. It inspired me to think about my life and what it could look like if I started even at my young age, making choices on faith in God.
4. Narnia Some of the most enchanting but poignant books I have ever had the pleasure to read. I’m sure you have heard of them, but if you haven’t already taken the dive, I highly encourage you to. As a young boy, these books gave me an entire world to be apart of, and a story to be engaged with. They simultaneously showed parallels between the christian walk, God, and my understanding of this world, like no other books have.
It has all the markings of one of THE best fantasies series inviting readers to become emerged. And once you are, you are unable to ignore the beauty of the allegories it holds.
5. The Kingdom Series This series is one of the groupings of books I look back most fondly on. In the vein of Narnia, but even more allegorical and understood by a border age group, these books are the stories and happenings inside the King’s Kingdom.
Each page is beautifully written with descriptive words and beautiful pictures unfolding into a beautiful allegory per chapter. Simple enough for a seven year old to understand but captivating for a 77 year old to be swept away.
My favorite chapter was always the one about the juggler who juggled to a different beat than all of the other dancers and performers and musicians in the kingdom.
There you have it! I could go on forever writing about the books that shaped (and continue to shape) who I am, but I hope that these first five of my favorite reads will help you on the journey to finding the stories and tales that will inspire, teach, and shape the young man in your life.
-Nathan
Can't wait to see many of you in Dallas at the Renew My Heart Conference. There is still time to register.
Register HERE: http://events.renewmyheart.com/
Kristen Kill, sweet baby Harris and I had a great weekend together in California at the Renew My Heart conference.
Early this morning, exhausted from another weekend with hundreds of sweet women, I sipped my tea slowly and breathed in rest, while relaxing alone for a few minutes. Reflecting on how much the regularity of gathering with my friends to remember our ideals together, I realized how, by God's grace, without meaning to, I had built accountability into my own life.
Gathering with sweet friends for many years in a row, working together to reach out to other moms, becoming friends through the misadventures of many conferences in many hotels with thousands of women, had knit our hearts together.
Most of us have lived in friendship through all sorts of seasons including cancer for one, heart break in our children's lives, miscarriages, marriages, joys of new babies, and the sweet, deep fellowship that comes from sharing deep places in our hearts together.
I need my girlfriends. I need my sweet daughters. There is a strength, a fresh love, a communion and closeness that comes from sharing favorite lipstick, admiring a cute pair of boots, to praying deep prayers and talking of lessons learned from the sweet practice of spending time with our Lord.
My friends breathe oxygen into the life of the ideals I cherish. When I am weary, they make me want to be faithful, they care about my heart. They give me lots of giggles, pleasures and a feeling that I am not alone.
This year, we chose a sweet and charming French cafe where we all ate delectable real Quiche Lorraine--(my favorite) and a fresh salad, 3 gigantic gorgeous deserts shared with multiple forks and strong coffees. Eating and drinking and resting in the comfort that comes from friends who have invested for years, gave freedom to sharing ways we needed help, places we were struggling, sadnesses we shared and the joy of celebrating our great life events of our year since we last gathered together.
Meeting Kristen's precious baby and kissing his sweet head over and over again through our days gave me great pleasure. He is the squishiest baby in the world. :)
None of us knew each other until we gathered for a mom heart conference. But the event provided a place where we could know one another, grow together over the years and share what is now the sweet fellowship of marking many years of serving sweet women side by side.
Create some purpose for you and your friends, gather regularly, keep traditions and end up with a legacy of sweet girlfriends that you will have to enrich your life through all your years.
Every year, friends who have gathered to serve at Mom Heart conferences to serve together, celebrate by eating some place wonderful together and having a walk at Laguna Beach.
As it happens, each of us have someone "Different" in our lives or are "different" ourselves. Even in that, I enjoyed and shared in the stories so many sweet ones who identified with our new book. I so appreciate your many notes, emails and facebook messages about how you are enjoying Nathan's and my book. I see, once again that when we bear each other's burdens, we give each other the grace to keep walking in faith.
Hope you enjoy the podcast we recorded of some of our stories on stage at the hotel this weekend.
Be sure to buy your copy of "Different" and join Kristen and me in our podcast as we discuss it.
Over the years as I've shared stories about my family during our conferences for moms, many of them have been "Nathan stories." There were just so many fun and interesting happenings that involved him, I suppose! And so, afterward women would come to me and say, "I have a Nathan, too!" It seems many of us are parenting children who pull our strings and push our buttons all at the same time!
Of course, many of these children are just typical, busy, excited, full-of-life children, and even that by definition can be exhausting. Others are truly outside-the-box in diagnosable terms. Whichever type of different child you are personally dealing with, we hope our book, Different, will be encouraging to you. Nathan and I share a bit of our story, here ...
Nathan: I’ve always known I was different. It wasn’t something I chose or an identity I one day decided to wear. Being different is woven into the very fabric of who I am. Part of it comes from the various “disorders” that have challenged me and my family, and part of it simply comes from the outside-the-box personality God decided to give me.
Being different has made itself evident in every corner of my life, peeking out and reminding me whenever I start to think I might be normal.
I know I’m different because when other children were content with walking on the sidewalk, I felt the need to climb the rails. Because when others’ questions would stop, mine seemed to go on without end, often frustrating those who ran out of answers.
I know I’m different because when I was fifteen I began taking six showers a day and washing my hands until they bled.
I know I’m different because my mind seems to change channels at will, making it nearly impossible to focus on any one thing for more than a few minutes.
I know I’m different because no matter how hard I looked at the math problem or how many times my tutor explained it, my mind simply couldn’t grasp the simple numerical basics that seemed to come so easy to my friends and siblings.
I know I’m different because while I long for affection, I am often scared to touch the ones I love for fear of contaminating them.
I know I’m different because even now as a twenty-seven- year-old adult, there are times when the weight of the world seems so heavy I don’t feel able to leave my apartment.
I know I’m different because I’ve been told so by every important person in my life.
Sally: There are an infinite number of ways to be different and to feel like one doesn’t fit in. The difference can be personality driven. It can involve physiological issues, mental illness, or emotional issues, and can be shaped by experience. (Nathan’s case, it turned out, did involve several clinical disorders as well as a number of personality quirks that set him apart from the crowd.) And feeling different—being different—is something our culture, especially our Christian culture, does not talk about much. People often turn their heads away from people and situations they don’t understand and pretend they do not exist. And the words “mental illness” can make them positively squirm.
But the truth is, all of us are a little bit quirky in some way or another. All of us have Achilles’ heels, uniquely vulnerable areas of our bodies, minds, and personalities. And some of us, to be honest, are a little quirkier than others—which is why we struggle so much and why other people—especially parents, teachers, and authority figures—have a hard time dealing with us. We are not convenient to their expectations of how life ought to play itself out.
But these personality differences, these outside-the-box preferences and approaches to life, don’t have to be liabilities. Or they don’t have to be only liabilities. They can actually be a gift to us and to others who are willing to look at life through our unique lenses.
How are you or your children different? Have you learned--or are you, like me, still learning?!--to accept and see those differences as blessings?
"A gentle answer turns away wrath."
Perhaps when I became a wife, or parent, I assumed, I would be able to be mature, healthy, loving, and successful at these relationships. Conflict in my own heart and life, the stress of living with so many needs and so many demands showed me my selfishness. I longed, though, for mercy. I wanted to be understood--that I had a heart to be good at these relationships but sometimes I just couldn't--my own selfishness got in the way. I meant to be patient, giving, loving, but I had my limits.
And so did my children--and all were different and all pushed my buttons in different ways. It was through my different children and the demands of everyday life, that I learned the need for gentleness, that I craved another chance--again.
“Two men went up into the temple to pray,
one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector.
The Pharisee stood and was praying this to himself:
‘God, I thank You that I am not like other people: swindlers, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I pay tithes of all that I get.’
But the tax collector, standing some distance away, was even unwilling to lift up his eyes to heaven,
but was beating his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, the sinner!’
I tell you, this man went to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted.”
Where does a woman find the ability to be gentle, to show mercy and understanding and compassion?
When she understands that her heart is selfish, prone to making bad choices, limited in patience, and just beginning to understand what love requires. Then she understands that she herself is fragile; then she will extend the grace she wishes to others she loves, because they, too, are fragile and want gentleness and mercy.
If a mama understands that her children, like her, are going to make mistakes, have accidents, show the dark heart of sin, she will not condemn them harshly for being so.
Instead, from a heart that knows she does not deserve the grace and love of Jesus, but receives it nonetheless, she will extend her patience and mercy and gentleness to her children to show them the real heart of Jesus.
She will still teach and train and correct as Jesus did, but gentleness and compassion come from a humbled heart.
You see, showing gentleness and mercy comes from a heart that recognizes the need for gentleness and mercy for herself.
Jesus was so different that people expected God to be that they had a hard time recognizing him as God. The very leaders who had studied scripture the most, who one would have thought would immediately say, "This is our God," are the very ones who persecuted him,, questioned him and eventually had a hand in having him crucified. Maybe Jesus gave acceptance to our own out of the box people by being outside of our own human expectations.
Jesus was accused of not being spiritual because he ate and drank and hung round with the unacceptable, ""The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, 'Behold, a gluttonous man and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!' Yet wisdom is vindicated by her deeds." Matthew 11:19
Jesus touched the unacceptable, the lepers, hung around with tax collectors, used the uneducated, common fishermen to lead his movement. Jesus honored women for seeking him in a time when women were put down. He saved an adulterous woman from being stoned, and had a prostitute in his inner circle of friends. He associated with the Samaritans when the Jews considered them below them, of a different religion.
Hebrews 1 tells us that Jesus was, "the exact representation of God," so we know He was living the true values of God.
Jesus honored a Roman centurion and said, "I have not seen greater faith in all of Israel." This was an honor to the man who believed and a little bit of a slight to those who should know him but did not choose to believe.
Jesus even chose a brash, loud, bumbling man to be his "rock." He allowed a man who would betray him into his group of disciples. This God is beyond my imagination, but he is definitely out of the comfort zone of my own life and daily challenges me to look at people and at life, not by human standards, but by His own values.
Perhaps this is why Jesus was the one who understood my Nathan and other "different" kids--and it was He, God who taught me how to love my very mysterious child. My different little boy always taught me a lot about God being out of the box, just like he was. I have told this story many times.
One cold, snowy winter's day, Nathan, then 14, and a budding philosopher, was drinking a cup of hot chocolate in our kitchen. He said, "I'm so glad our God is out of the box in our home!"
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Well, a lot of people we know act like God is mad or disappointed with us when we are not perfect. I'm even afraid of some of your mama friends and I sometimes feel like I might get in trouble just for being with them."
"It feels to me like lots of people we know think that God is more concerned about a rule to be kept and behavioral standard of quietness and respect to keep--knowing all the rules and keeping them or the right theological answers to give."
"I am so glad the God we believe in is the One who created chili peppers for fajitas, Celtic music to dance to, puppy dogs to be snuggled, jokes for giggling, and stars to be amazed at when we sleep outside to gave on a starlit night. We enjoy Him and celebrate Him in our home and look for his fingertips in creation and his love over all the places of our lives. He is wild and out of the box, we just can't contain him in small places. He is out of the box, just like me."
I was so thankful that is what he perceived in our home--that God was indeed a real person, more than just one who cared about the rules we kept. He was the one who created delight, the fulfillment of thinking great thoughts, the sweetness of learning to show love gently, the fun of giggling uncontrollably.
We began to focus on Him,—a personal creator-God, filled with infinite ideas of ways to fill our world with things to enjoy beauty to be explored, life to be lived to the fullest. In looking at God, we created place where Nathan could feel he belonged with all of his bigger-than-life personality, no matter how many questions he asked.
God condemned the pharisees for being men of law and no compassion for the downhearted, the poor, the lame and sick--without a heart for the things that mattered to the true God. They were more concerned about keeping law than loving God or loving and serving people. Their focus was all that was inside the box of life and how to keep it all there--under control.
Why has my life been so changed by celebrating life with Nathan, my different child, and all the other different ones that are my kids? Because they stretched my faith, taught me life lessons, showed me the inner value of every person I meet. They taught me to look at God who is out of the box and so much more and bigger than my little mind can comprehend.
My different kids expressed awe inspiring reverence as at the beauty of a snowflake and delight in the colors and variety of springtime flowers, giggles at our puppy fluffy and soft--and they taught me that these elements express His personality.
God does not want to be just a thought to know, but a personally engaging friend and Father whose relationship with us is fills us with memory, delight, and moments to be experienced and enjoyed.
Holy--to be set apart, not conforming to the world, but being transformed--by the wild and uncontainable God and following His lead, whatever path it takes.......
Our family tends to think and live out of the box--we discuss everything and challenge all Christian thought and live wildly, hysterically, celebrating-ly, with feasts and lots of freedom, within the walls of our home.
I do love to move beyond the "expectations" and figure out what really is authentic in life, what really matters, how to experience the joy we were designed to know, every day, and to see the God that is not a tame lion--
Hmmmm Jesus pretty much upset those who lived in the box of his day--as a matter of fact, he got crucified for being out of the box, and not fitting in with the "leaders."
When the life of Jesus is in our midst, there is a palpable crackle in the air, a sparkle to the lights and shadows of His dance amongst us.
Imagine--the creator of the universe--the one who played games with galaxies and atoms, romantic love and sunsets--He in our midst.
He did not create us to live in the limitations of ourselves. He came to give life--and life abundantly. The joy of the Lord is to be our strength--and yet--what have the voices of this world done to our joy?
So, I ask you today--are you finding deep fulfillment and a bubbling up of love from deep within because you are resting in, enjoying your God who loves you and loves all of your children including the different ones?
Are you able to rest even with the mysterious ones in your home, without knowing what lies ahead--but able to trust Him who does hold the universe together?
Is there a feeling of heaven meeting earth in your home right where you are today? Are you sensing the pleasure of God as you see the color of a winter sky? The beauty surrounding the moments of your life?
It is only in pursuing Him, the Life that coming into the world, enlightens every man--not rules or laws or formula or morality---but the Person--who has so very much more to offer.
All he asks is for us to leave all behind, and sell all that we have to grasp and hold fast to the pearl of great price who stretches us to live outside the box of human limits, so that we might rest in His greatness.
But, to find Him and to live vibrantly in the reality of His ways and His presence, requires living out of the box of human thought, and into the infinite ways of His true Self.
As C.S. Lewis says, "He is not a tame lion, but He is good."
So, how about your God? In the box or out?
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Kristen and I did not have a chance to do the podcast this week amidst book deadlines, trips to New York and a conference. But we will be back soon.
A favor please? Today is the last day of our launch and we are going to be celebrating the coming out of our book all day.
Would you please consider sharing about it online in your places?
We are hoping to end this great week with a boom so many can find comfort in the words and stories we have shared.
Nathan and I thank you so much. :) (in New York celebrating last week.)
(Thanks for the amazing letters and emails we have been receiving about how much you are enjoying the book. It means so much.)
Buy it today and join me for a podcast book club for how to parent in freedom, love generously, live a sustainable life in the midst and give grace to all who are different in your life. Buy below.
A highlight was that Nathan and I were asked to tell about our book on the Today show with Kathy Lee and Hoda!
What an exciting week this has been for Nathan and me to be able to share our new book, Different, with so many of you. Thanks for the many letters and emails from so many of you. we are so grateful. Here are a few highlights from our week.
Our interview on the Today show. Watch it here.
Nathan's original video about his letter to me about being Different.
Here is the interview of us with our publishers at Tyndale. HERE
Because Nathan wanted us to be able to encourage others who had felt different or alone in their lives, he asked me to write this book with him. What a privilege and joy to be able to have worked on this project together. It is our hope that people all over the world will know they are not alone in their journey.
We did a facebook live event for 45 minutes and had such a great time answering your questions: Listen to it here: https://www.facebook.com/therealsallyclarkson/videos/10154147085381373/?pnref=story
Friends have been interviewing us on podcasts, doing blog posts, and sharing all over the internet and we are so very grateful.
We celebrated by going out to dinner at a charming Italian restaurant around the corner from Nathan's apartment on a very rainy, cold evening. I hated to leave him because we have had such a great mama son time together. But i will cherish our memory together through this week and through writing our message together for a long time.
Find more about our book and the companion guide HERE
Happy Weekend to you all! I am excited to be at our first conference in Colorado tonight.
Happy Reading!
Living in a world that has standards of what is acceptable, what is admirable, what performance is deemed normal puts pressure on us mamas. We feel the pressure to conform to the expectations of others. We even fear, that if our child does not behave perfectly, we may be the one at fault. Maybe we do not have the right philosophy of child training. Maybe we have not been strict enough.
But God designed children to move, imperfectly, from childhood to adulthood, with our coaching, encouragement, training and love. He never intended that we live up to other's arbitrary rules. Each of us is as different as fingerprints are different. Each personality as unique as snowflakes.
Learning to see our children through God's eyes and loving them for who he made them to be brings great freedom and joy. Nathan John. His name meant, blessed and gracious gift of God. And so Nathan has been one of the greatest gifts of my life. God has used him almost as much as anything else in my life to show me His goodness, His ways and His blessings. I just didn't know that he was the tool that God wanted to use to s-t-r-e-t-c-h me so much. Nate has been truly a gift from God, because through him I learned things and understood truth-- things I would never have seen.
Nate has always been dancing, singing, laughing, talking, bigger than life. When others would walk on the sidewalk, Nate would be wandering, running, climbing, up and down the curb, but never in just a straight line--that was not a part of his make-up. He heard the music of a different piper and drummer. He was not ever going to fit into the box--it was not the way He was made--a little like his mother.
With his antics and strong opinions and outspoken ways, some people would say, "This boy needs a stronger hand. You need to spank him more."
But, harshness never won the day with this child.
How many times did I hear, you need to control him, you need to be stronger and firmer than he is.
But, I remembered that he was God's gracious gift to us and so we would pray.
I noticed that when I would sit him next to me in my comfy overstuffed chair, by himself, he would talk and talk and talk--at 3 years old he could talk for 45 minutes almost without stopping if I asked him questions--even then he had a lot to say. Oh, I figured out, he is an extravert and needs to have alone, talk time so he can express his heart.
If he was agitated or upset, if I put my arm around his shoulders and touched him or tickle or scratch his back or got down on his level and was gentle and loving, he would settle down and respond to my instruction and love. God used this gracious gift to show me that harshness and over-bearing correction was not the way to his heart.
I began to see him not through the eyes of my cultural expectations, but as God saw him--a spunky, mysterious, strong child who had a big and passionate heart.
In a speech class, with my two older kids when he was 8, I was expecting my two older to shine, because they were, well, older. But, Nate was already committed to being a hero, started dreaming of being superman in his life time, and when he gave a speech on Audi Murphy, the most decorated soldier of World War II, he blew all of the adults away. "You have a performer on your hands. He was the most believable child who spoke the whole night!"
(But, how could I have known then that he would become an actor in Hollywood, a movie producer?--Who really thinks his or her child is suited for Hollywood or the movies?)
And so I tucked these things away in my heart. Out of the box from the beginning, I had to rethink my parenting paradigms and ways. I didn't know that he was extremely ADHD, with issues on the spectrum, for some years--I was just trying to figure out his puzzle.
(My mother said, "He is just like you were as a little girl--active, busy, opinionated, always with friends, and you used to lay down on the floor and have screaming fits--you were probably ADHD and we just didn't know it.")
He questioned everything--and so I learned to see things from his eyes--he was bright and intelligent and helped me to see the world in a less-American, middle of the road, Evangelical eyes, and open my heart to see as Jesus sees--loves people for who they are in their heart--especially in his high school years.
Nate accepted and loved all sorts of people from all sorts of backgrounds. He did not criticize them for their external failures, but looked for their internal value. A heart as good as gold, always seeing through the hypocrisy of people, he called us to have integrity in our hearts and lives.
He taught me not to care what others thought of me, but to say, what is the real truth in this situation.
We threw all the formulas out the door and learned to live by faith.
He is a pied-piper of sorts and gathers people around him. And so, we learned to broaden our horizons and love those who were also outside of our comfort zone. We had a house full of all sorts of teens in all sorts of phases--because they were Nate's friends and he would bring them all to our home. And we learned to love them all. What a blessing we would have missed!
And these were the years we discovered that Obsessive-Compulsive--in an extreme form--was another mysterious and wonderful way Nate was designed by God. And, so I was to find that it was what had plagued me most of my life. When I had him tested, I was answering yes to all the same questions. And then found that another of my 4 children was also obsessive-compulsive off the chart. It helped to make more sense of our challenging lives--that their issues were not behavioral, but real issues that I needed to see with God's eyes of wisdom and not my own.
His faith in God grew stronger and stronger over the years as he would overcome many very difficult obstacles in his life.(car accident totaling his car, jobs, peer pressure and some rejection; health, and more.)
Now, I see, that many of his trials and challenges and difficulties were because God was building him and strengthening him and testing him to become a warrior for Christ.
How can you ever become a general if you are not first faithful as a private. And God knew he was taking Nate to more difficult arenas where he would already have to know what standing strong in a difficult world would be? God's eyes saw that Nate would be in acting, and God gave him a personality to imagine great stories, a heart that didn't live to please people, a bigger than life personality because he had a different story to live.
Through being his mama, I have learned to see others through the eyes of God, to look at their heart, to seek to see their God-crafted beauty of personality and dreams, rather than judging them by performance or perfect behavior. We all need grace.
And now, I am thankful that God sees me through His own values of loving me, redeeming me, showing compassion to me, providing for me, because I am His own child, as Nathan is mine. And He has given up everything to show me His love and to grant me redemption.
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Nathan and I shared real life stories in our new book from struggles to stages to heartbreak and triumphs. I hope the stories will make you feel at home with your own life through the story of ours.
Buy at the stores listed on this page:
Thanks so much for encouraging Nathan and me this week with your support of our new book, Different. You are the best of friends. We appreciate you helping us get the word out to your friends. Thank you so very much for your love and support.
I'm so excited to be sharing with you about Different, the new book by Nathan and me, which is launching this week! In it, we are sharing our own true life stories which we hope will encourage you as you're parenting your own different children. Here's a little more of my own story--and be sure to read Nathan's post, here!
Sally: At the beautiful restaurant Clay had chosen, we all made it through the buffet line. We intentionally picked a table in the far corner of the room, as far from the crowded center as possible. I had wrestled Nathan in my arms through the whole line and to our seats, hoping that food would appease him for just a few short minutes so I could gobble down my food.
But just as we all sat down at our table and began to eat, Nathan slid down from his chair to the floor, stretched out to his full little-boy length, and began to scream and yell and throw food. I tried to soothe him and placate him, but he lunged out to strike me.
That did it.
I got to my feet and walked away, leaving my toddler screaming and kicking on the floor. I hoped that somehow Clay and his mother, who had joined us, would find the heart to stay with him, because I couldn’t. Exhausted and frazzled, having spent every ounce of patience I could muster, I could find nothing inside to deal with him at that moment.
I was wasted from the embarrassment of everyone watching and whispering and pointing. After giving, loving, trying hour after hour (and day after day) to figure out something that would appease this little boy, I had reached what felt like the end of my rope.
And yes, I felt guilty. Guilty for leaving him, for leaving Clay and my mother-in-law to deal with him, definitely guilty for leaving his brother and sister quietly eating at the table and pretending they did not see what was going on. But at that moment I had no intention of going back. I had served, loved, held, comforted, run after, placated to the end of my strength. Somehow they would all have to cope without me.
I casually walked across the room to the bakery counter, where elegantly frosted cakes and delectable pies filled the racks. Though I was seething with frustration, I put on a calm front, studying the baked goods as if planning a purchase. It was my way of hiding from all the faces, the dirty looks, the insecurity I was feeling at that moment. Whisper- praying that I would be able to settle down, I tried to regain control over my raging emotions.
As I stood there, Nathan’s screams still permeating the room, an elderly man who was attending to customers at the bakery display looked at me, not knowing I was the child’s mother. “That boy needs a strong hand!” he said in a booming Texan drawl.
I shook my head in agreement, looking over at my family as if I didn’t know them. But inside I was thinking, I don’t know what he needs, but he needs something I cannot give right now.
Have you ever felt like a failure as a mama? Like you couldn't keep going? I have. But as I look back over the years, I realized that this role of mine, to shepherd my sweet boy towards a sustainable life, to become mature one step at a time, was fraught with disappointments, difficulties, and yes, failures to understand and know how to cope in all situations.
One of the most important lessons I learned, though, was that I could not carry guilt every day for the ways I had failed. It would crush me. I learned, instead, to see my life as a journey towards wisdom, a pathway to maturity a little step at a time. I gave my false expectations to God and learned to unload my pressures and stresses into His hands so that I did not always feel like a failure. It is essential that as we walk by faith down this very challenging journey that we live free from guilt.
Paul reminds us that "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."
We need to live in the grace given so generously by Jesus.
Even as our different children must learn to grow stronger one day at a time, so we as God's children must learn the grace we have to grow through the journey one step at a time.
It took a long time before we finally had names for some of Nathan’s differences. Actually, what we eventually had were letters that described clinical disorders and a form of medically diagnosable mental illness.
Added to this alphabet soup were some learning issues, some personality quirks, a strong will, plus a number of characteristics that have some qualities of autism and even now defy our understanding.
And eventually we did find some help and support to add to the many things we learned through trial and error and love and listening—and lots and lots of grace.
We also learned, through the same trial and error and grace, to hold fast to what our hearts insisted (at least in quiet moments),
Our boy was not a diagnosis. Not a problem to be solved or a disorder to be fixed. He was a child to be guided and trained and gloried in.
And Nathan’s differences—yes, even the ones that sometimes exasperated him and us—were, like Nathan himself, also part of the gift he is to the world and to us as his family.
Today Nathan is twenty-seven, and I can honestly say he is one of my closest, dearest friends. There is almost no one I would rather talk to, and few understand my dreams, thoughts, ideals, and struggles the way he does. I learn so much when we collaborate on projects together, as he is a constant source of ideas and mental stimulation for me.
But as far as we know to this date, he will carry his issues with him his whole life, and we as a family will continue to learn more each year about how to love him better, how to adjust to his unique needs, and how to walk with him through his story more graciously.
Today, learn to give your burdens into the hands of God and live in the grace He wants to give to you to breathe free from guilt.
Support this book's message by getting one for yourself or your friend so that we can reach those who need to know that they are not alone, and that they do not have to live in defeat with those who are different in their lives.
Different children come to us in all sorts of shapes, sizes, issues, personalities and genders. I must confess that I struggled with all of my children in different ways. But at some point, I finally had to realize that I needed to make peace with my precious children and the puzzle I was given to figure out with my own different ones.
Today (Tuesday) is launch day for Nathan and me with our book Different. We truly hope your heart will be encouraged and your faith strengthened to know that you are the mom that is right for your child. I penned my thoughts in a journal and these words helped me walk one day at a time to, by faith, be the best mama I could be for my sweet children--and to watch how amazingly God showed me His generous faithfulness beyond what I could imagine.
Join us Tuesday morning on Kathy Lee and Hoda on the Today show, on NBC to hear Nathan and me discuss our book.
TUESDAY NIGHT, WE WOULD LOVE FOR YOU TO JOIN US ON FACEBOOK LIVE TO TELL YOU ALL ABOUT OUR TIME THERE, TO ASK NATHAN AND ME QUESTIONS AND TO CELEBRATE OUR BOOK AND MESSAGE WITH YOU. WE WILL GIVE AWAY 10 BOOK SETS--THE BOOK AND THE STUDY GUIDE--AND 2 CONFERENCE TICKETS TO RENEW MY HEART CONFERENCE. HOPE YOU ARE THERE AND I HOPE YOU WIN!
BUY DIFFERENT AT YOUR FAVORITE BOOKSTORE AS LISTED AT thedifferentbook.com
Thanks so much for all the encouragement and for all who have helped us spread the word. Nathan and I are soooo thankful for you.
