Taking Stock of Your Soul, Bringing it Back to LIfe

Why don't the mountains make me cry no more?

They don't sing the way they did before
They're just piles of stone as dead as bones
Like corpses on a field of war
And they just don't make me cry no more.

Andrew Peterson

(a favorite singer/songwriter and dear personal friend of our family)

Recently, as we were driving along the freeway, a daily event,  I glanced over at PIke's Peak, covered in snow, bright against the summer sky. I knew in my heart it was breath-taking, the kind of beauty that used to stop me as a teen and caused me to stir in my heart that "Someone" greater than me had crafted the beauty that was bigger than me. Gorgeous natural scenes used to touch and move deep feelings in my soul.

Yet, this day, I had a thought that it must be beautiful, but at the moment my heart felt stark cold as though untouchable, unable to access the places that beauty used to stir in my heart. Music is the poetry of our generation, the voice of our fears, thoughts, emotions, giving reality to what we store in our hearts. And so, this song reflected my own heart's words on this particular day. Why don't the mountains make me cry no more. 

This passing thought reminded me of a year before when I had felt the same way. Sitting on the front porch, sipping tea in the late afternoon caught one of my kids and me creaking slowly in our white rocking chairs and trying to breathe in life. "Mama, I was so tired and worn to the bone when I came home from school this year, that I couldn't even feel how pretty everything was any more. It was like I was in a fog."

Remember when, as a little girl, you would see a shooting star or sit by the firelight of a bonfire and roast marshmallows or catch lightening bugs in the early dark of a summer's night and all was delight to your soul. Just being alive was exciting and every day had the possibility of something wonderful? Every child needs such times of wonder and innocence.

Yet, in the contemporary culture of constant reminders of terrible things happening in the world, our minds and hearts can take on the darkness and sometimes cover over the light, the beautiful. 

When this happens, we must look inside to see what is happening inside our souls. Taking the temperature of our souls is essential to staying alive. I have felt so crowded in my life, at times,  that I have hardly had room to breathe. Sometimes I know that the sunrise is beautiful, but my heart doesn't sing when I see it anymore. This is the moment I say, "No matter what, I will take time for rest for my soul, time alone, time away from machines, time for music and sleeping, and not answering the phone. Time for walks and lots of hot drinks, or a hot bath, or a moonlit walk under the stars.."

I have gathered delights that help me restore my own heart to wonder because I want to appropriately be childlike before Him to marvel, to breathe, to be amazed.

What helps you restore? What brings you back to your old true self? Keep stock of your heart now, so that you may stay alive to God.

"Guard your heart, for from it flow the springs of life." Proverbs 4:23

To spread light, life and joy through the walls of our home requires that we are storing it up. How is your soul this season? What steps do you need to take to fill it with life and beauty once again? 

 

What Kind of Friend Are You?

"Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.
For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up." Ecc. 4:9

What kind of friend are you? I have a wonderful friend who is my "go to" friend when I need to be with someone who I know walks with the Lord. She is a kindred spirit, has a busy life, many responsibilities and we don't get to see each other very often because of our mutually busy schedules. But, I take the luxury of making special time to get together with her because I know I can count on the fact that she has been in the presence of the Lord and whatever we chit-chat about or whenever we share heart secrets, I know that I will be exposed to a heart that has been shaped by scripture, watered by faith and dwelling in the presence of the Lord. 

I know that just being with her will fill my cup, point me in the right direction, give me perspective. I also know that it has been her habit to walk with the Lord for years and years, one day--one devotional--one prayer at a time--so her wisdom is cumulative--years and years of experiences of seeing God's faithfulness and learning how to live by faith, and insight on how to look at life.

"He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will suffer harm."

Prov. 13:20
 

I have had to look for these kinds of friends over the years. I once heard a leader say, "I will go to the ends of the earth to be around someone who makes me want to love God more and be more excellent. I will run quickly away from the kind of person who is always a drainer, complains and drags me down and depletes my desire to walk with God."

I have thought about this philosophy over the years. We must all minister to a wide variety of people. Yet, I have purposefully sought to find friends to spend time with, on somewhat of a regular basis, who have the life of Christ bubbling up.  This is to fill my own heart with wisdom from those who keep me seeking to pursue God in His holiness. Positive peer pressure, you might say. 

Excellent women are hard to come by, yet in each case, I find that these women are dedicated to pursuing God no matter what and their priorities show the investment they have made by making it a habit to spend time with the Lord on a regular basis--and then walk obediently, choosing to serve Him and His ways. Many of these women have terrible backgrounds and had to learn scripture and truth by pursuing it--but by pursuing the Lord in the context of His word and obeying it, they became reflections of Christ. Not about background, but about the priority of who you spend time with the most.

How do you become a "go to" friend? Determine that you will read the word every day. Choose to believe in God every day, every circumstance, because it is way to please Him. Pray for His guidance and live with His presence going with you. It is the engaged, loving heart--the one that hungers to know and live for God--that will become the heart that others will draw from. There is nothing else to replace it--no cleverness or self-strength or rules or formula can replace the palpable life that comes from living day by day, holding on to God's hand, and then being a well-spring from which other draw.

Do you want your children to draw from the Life that is bubbling over from your heart and mind and words and attitudes--then you must spend day after day with the Word of Life who will give you the true source of wisdom and love you long for. 

Even as a house is built one brick at a time and yet has the potential of becoming a mansion, so a wise woman builds her house one day--one brick at time into a home of spirituality that comes from rubbing up against Him so many times.

Thanks, sweet friend, for spending so much time with Him so that I could be with Him when I am with you. Thanks, too, to all of my other sweet friends who pour His life into mine. (Those who are in my stories, in my book dedication, in my ministry and projects and work at my conferences, my blog and email friends. It is a host of watching women walk with God that waters my own heart. I am so very grateful for you!)I treasure you. You have made it possible for me to keep going in this life of ideals and faith in my sweet Lord.

Did you miss this week's Bible Memory Printable? Click here to download and print! Week Four Bible Memory sheet

A Heart for Manners- The Gift of A Gracious Presence

So many times, young women ask me, "What exactly did you do to train your children to be honoring, mannerly, respectful and serving of others?" Though all of life would be easier if there was one simple rule or formula that could be followed, I think most of the deep training and values of these training issues are a result of the values the parents hold and practice day in and day out. When we value honoring others, we will honor our children and friends and husband with our voice, our mannerisms, our generous love. And then, we train our children toward the values they have been finding over and over again in and through our lives. It is not an immediate grasping of our training, but over days and years, the shaping of a soul and the forming of values take place.

Serving others through our home and life always gave a platform from which they learned to honor others with their words and actions (manners!). Teaching doesn't happen in a vacuum. We cannot just repeat words, we must have a whole life educational value. Clay and I wrote about it many years ago in our book, Educating the Whole Hearted Child.

"We view the ministry of hospitality in our home as God's tool for us to train our children in graciousness. When someone comes to our home, our children know that we expect them to be gracious and quick to serve. That means welcoming adult guests properly, asking if there is something they can get for them, taking their coat, or whatever is appropriate to the visit. (Hospitality drills are a helpful way to train them in this area).

Our children know that being well-mannered and gracious is more than just a cultural formality...it is the way we show respect to another person, affirm their value as a person made in God's image, and strengthen our testimony to them as a family who loves and serves Christ, and that out of that love, we show others respect and honor.

It is the practical expression of treating others the way you want to be treated, regarding others as more important than yourself, and looking out for the interests of others. Even when we go to someone else's house, we will still practice hospitality. We rehearse with the kids before they leave the car how to be gracious guests who are polite, respectful, and helpful." -Educating the Wholehearted Child

Even though my children are now adults, they still help me every time we welcome anyone into our home. One will be bustling around, setting up for tea time, and before I know it, another has already cleaned up the entire kitchen. The dishes will be washed, the counters tidied, and each guest is sure to have been welcomed and served.

This did not always happen without grumbling and I had to repeat it over and over through many years--but now, our whole family values and practices have taken root and they live pretty much the same way in their own homes. But it did take years and years!

This desire to serve, help, and host does not appear out of thin air. In order for your family to be a team that works together as a unit when you have guests over, your children must have TMI (no-not "too much information.")

Training: Train in grace behavior (manners). Teach them words to say, ways to meet others, how to serve in thoughtful ways. Value and pursue priority relationships and train them to behave differently in church and show them that some places are sacred. Train your children how to pray, how to be quiet when needed, how to reach out to the lonely.

-Modeling: Moms-set the example. Be gracious and kind to family members. Show grace and love to strangers. Honor authorities in your life and pray for them even if you don't always agree with them, as God desires that we be gracious as He was. 

Instruction: We teach our children about the concept of honor in scripture--of valuing the worth of another by how we behave towards them in relationship. We speak to them about our relationship with God, that we honor others because of our desire to honor and serve HIm. About the power of the Holy Spirit--lived out through real people to real people.

Proverbs 22:6 states:

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."

It is absolutely crucial that we train our children in the ways of graciousness. This also means that you must have patience and grace with your children as they learn how to serve others, because they are immature and straining towards maturity little by little.

Start practicing by assigning your children different ways they can help the next time you have friends or family over for dinner. If you remember Instructing, Training, Modeling, your little ones will flourish into adults who are loving, gracious, polite, and respectful.

Episode #87

"Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person. -Colossians 4:6

"Life is short, but there is always time enough for courtesy."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

As moms, we work hard to impart the truth of God's love to our children, but are we teaching our children how to be ambassadors of Christ to others? At the heart, manners are about cultivating spiritual and social poise that put others at ease. They are the skill that allows our children to confidently relate to people. In this episode, Sally and Kristen discuss why manners are important to impart to our children, and also how they can help our kids to have a gracious presence wherever they find themselves in the future.  In this episode we will dive  into how Sally and Kristen each approached teaching manners to their children, their ideas for creative ideas to make this training fun, and most of all, how to open the hearts of your children to see that manners are not simply a matter of being well behaved, but are really about becoming stewards of God's love.  Then, join special guest, Sarah Mae as she joins the podcast to inspire us in our summer plans with kids, shares her advice to moms about how to prepare children for social situations when new manners and skills are necessary and gives us a sneak peek at the content for her forthcoming book, The Complicated Heart! 

Sarah Mae has a past that would be her present if it weren’t for Jesus; His wild saving grace and gentle leading keep her in awe.Sarah is the author of Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe (with Sally Clarkson), Longing for Par…

Sarah Mae has a past that would be her present if it weren’t for Jesus; His wild saving grace and gentle leading keep her in awe.

Sarah is the author of Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe (with Sally Clarkson), Longing for Paris, and Having a Martha Home the Mary Way.

She is a Christian, wife, mom to three, homeschool teacher, and lover of black coffee. She makes her home in the beautiful Amish countryside of Pennsylvania.

Click here to find this week's Bible Memory sheet; right-click and download to print! Week Four Bible Memory

We must Encounter God, Look for Him in Nature

"Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?

Tell Me, if you have understanding,

Who set its measurements? ...

Or who laid its cornerstone,

When the morning stars sang together

And all the sons of God shouted for joy?

Or who enclosed the sea with doors

When, bursting forth, it went out from the womb;

When I made a cloud its garment

And thick darkness its swaddling band,

And I placed boundaries on it

And set a bolt and doors,

And I said, 'Thus far you shall come, but no farther;

And here shall your proud waves stop'?

Have you ever in your life commanded the morning,

And caused the dawn to know its place,

That it might take hold of the ends of the earth,

And the wicked be shaken out of it?...

Have you entered into the springs of the sea

Or walked in the recesses of the deep?...

Have you understood the expanse of the earth? ...

Where is the way to the dwelling of light?

And darkness, where is its place,

That you may take it to its territory

And that you may discern the paths to its home? ...

Have you entered the storehouses of the snow,

Or have you seen the storehouses of the hail ...

Where is the way that the light is divided,

Or the east wind scattered on the earth? ..."

from Job 38

There are times in our lives when each of us encounter dryness of soul, a feeling of being distant from God. As i was walking the sidewalks in London last week, I was surrounded by myriad crowds of people walking to and fro, in a crowd yet seeming alone in the sea of humanity, awash with the despair of the fire that consumed so many lives, the van that drove into a crowd of muslims to kill them, a man wielding a knife in Parliament. 

There are difficulties in each of our lives, and yet, we must do what we can to keep our souls alive. Often, I find that when i am in nature, surrounded by God's fingerprints of an artist crafting beauty for his children's pleasure, I find comfort, feel His gentle presence, understand His love even more.

I will never forget one occasion when I felt overwhelmed in nature, certain I was in the presence of a fun, dancing, delightful—and delighted—God. I was in Australia speaking to several groups. At around 5:00 a.m. I awakened to what almost seemed like a dream. Outside my window, birds were cawing, whistling, and singing to one another; insects were chirping and buzzing; and mysterious animals—I knew not what— were hooting and humming.

My daughter and I dressed quickly to walk outside and take it all in. As we stepped out onto the country road in front of our bed-and- breakfast, I was overwhelmed with the celebration of life and the symphony of sound that surrounded us. Gigantic butterflies were gently swaying in the breezes; brilliantly colored flowers and bushes were blooming and sending out sweet scents; parrots and cockatoos were flying around in the high trees. And not far away from us stood an animal leaning on its back legs.

My daughter and I sputtered as we both exclaimed, "Look at that thing in the road! It's a ... I don't know. It's too small to be a kangaroo. Isn't it sweet? And funny? What is it?" As if on cue, it jumped away. We found out later it was a wallaby.

It seemed to me that every point in sight vibrated with movement and flying and chirping, and all was ablaze with color. The warm life of the creatures and plants was almost palpable. It gave new meaning to Genesis 1, when God created the earth. Even though I had never encountered this abundance before, it didn't mean it didn't exist. It always existed like this through the centuries, but once I experienced it, it became a part of me. It awakened a place in my soul that was longing to be stirred. It gave me a hilarious sense of fun and adventure to explore such a foreign but delightfully sensual place. I had a new venue for experiencing life, for enjoying eye pleasure, ear pleasure, tactile pleasure.

Evident in this experience was the fact that there must have been a much more profound substantiation of God's handiwork in creation long, long ago, when the world was untouched by pollution, industrialization, and the forming of large cities. I am not just talking about environmental issues; I was truly astounded at this new world that always existed and yet that I had never experienced. It made me feel as if God had secret places and powers that He would exhibit throughout the universe as an expression of spontaneous creativity, just as his Artist nature demands.

It dawned on me that if this was so pleasing to me somewhere deep inside, then He must have meant for us to experience deep, gratifying delight and joy that we somehow miss out on in our contemporary world. Perhaps the more isolated we are from nature, the more isolated we will feel from God, and so we remove ourselves from one of His most personal gifts to bring us joy.

This indeed gave real meaning to God's question to Job. In other words, "Job, when you consider that My hand made the marvels of nature, which because of the grandeur called forth a spontaneous cheering and song, then you can know that I am beyond understanding. I am bigger than this isolated moment of pain on the earth. Job, in this you can know my eternal transcendence. You can know that I am the infinite, the Creator, your heavenly Father. I am above and beyond all of your finite mind's consideration of what you see in this moment. I am infinite in power, glory, beauty, and purpose. Let what you see comfort you—that I am above and beyond all of your present sufferings and limitations. Then you will be able to trust in the midst of difficulties, which you cannot yet understand."

I realized that in our time of history, living in the throes of a technological world where everyone rides in cars with closed windows and subways that speed along, when we stay inside our enclosed boxes (houses and apartments) to watch television and to play with our machines (computers and gaming devices), the creation of God is blocked out. Often, too, this kind of living produces isolation from real people--and that is a dangerous thing, to be sure.

But we have agency to care for our souls, to invest in faith by believing in His goodness. We must seek to light a candle in all the days of darkness so that others may continue to look for and believe in His light. May you find His comfort and presence to be real in your life today. It is my prayer for you and for me.

Do you ever feel isolated from nature and people in your daily life? What will you do to overcome that, today?

More about walking with God through life here: Dancing With My Father.

10 Favorite Picture Books

Blueberries for Sal

By Robert McCloskey

A beloved children’s classic, Blueberries for Sal captured my children’s hearts as they followed the story of a little girl and a baby bear who were hunting with their respective mothers through the Maine countryside on a glorious summer day. The girl’s and the baby bear’s trails of curiosity keeps you wondering where their appetites will lead. I also love the blue-stained illustrations for their simple child-like quality.

 

Miss Rumphius

By Barbara Cooney

This one might be my favorite picture-book! Cooney, an author and illustrator, tells the story of Alice Rumphius who longed to travel the world, to live in a house by the sea, and to do something to make the world more beautiful. The ‘real’ Miss Rumphius scattered lupine seed along the coast of Maine wherever her feet carried her. We have felt inspired by this story and it has led to discussions of how we can make the world a a more beautiful place.

 

Roxaboxen

By Alice McLerran

If there’s one picture-book that has encouraged imagination and free play in my kids, it’s this one! This gem of a story is about an imaginary town called Roxaboxen. "Marian was mayor, of course; that was just the way she was. Nobody minded." The rules don't even have to be consistent, as long as they make their own kind of sense. Speeding was not allowed by car but "if you had a horse, you could go as fast as the wind”, and all you needed for a horse was “a stick and some kind of bridle”. This sweet story has stuck in our hearts and minds and is one we have read and over and over and never seem to tire of reading.

Pointing Out Beauty- The Calling Card of God

There is something in God's very nature that must express itself in beauty. We have noticed over the years, that often, when a culture adopts a godless philosophy, like communism or socialism,  beauty begins to disappear from the culture of the people. Buildings and furniture and art become either more utilitarian or abstract, concrete becomes a choice replacing craftsmanship.

However, beauty is one of those attributes of God's world that hushes us in quiet admiration. Just the other day, when we went out walking, there was the largest double rainbow in the sky that I had ever seen. We had to stop and marvel and call Clay on the phone to be sure he had a chance to see it!

The snowy winter we've experienced means there's been a lot of nutrition sent deep into roots of trees and wildflowers, and we know why this state was named Colorado--the dark blues of the sky and the greens of the trees and grass and a proliferation of wild flowers are evident of a very colorful Artist who designed this colorful state. 

Several years ago, we invited a group of mothers and daughters over for a tea in our home. Each person had to bring something they thought was beautiful and tell a story about it. One of the great ones was a beautiful stitchery that one of the mom's husbands had made for her when they were in high school! Then each mother read a quotation about beauty which had been slipped under their luncheon plate.

Finally, Sarah read a beautiful passage from The Secret Garden. When Colin, a boy crippled from birth, is wheeled into the secret garden that his two friends have been working on, he marvels breathlessly at the beauty of the garden; the roses, the robin, all the vibrant colors--and he says, "I know that now I can get well because of what I have beheld." Sarah then  talked to the girls and moms about the intrinsic beauty that God has placed in their souls, meant to reflect Him in their lives, the way they live, the way they serve, the way they dress. That beauty is also a reminder that when we subdue and create an atmosphere of beauty and creativity in our homes, we were giving one more testimony of His reality in our lives.

The end was even better than the beginning of the tea, because she had made lemon cake with raspberry filling to serve everyone! She also gave each daughter a present: a real pearl necklace on a ribbon. Jesus, the Author of beauty, was considered the pearl of great price--the only One worth giving up everything for in order to purchase it.

What a wonderful memory, made by gathering friends and celebrating life together.

It took lots of planning and creativity to make this afternoon happen, but it was also a precious learning opportunity for my girls, and a memory we'll all share for years to come! What sort of gathering and celebrating might you create, in your own home?

An observation I have made again this season is that wherever there is a garden that is blooming beautifully or a meal that draws us to table, there is someone behind both that had to invest in planting a seed, tilling the ground, gathering the food, cooking, setting the table. Beauty comes about from someone who took the time to craft it, and the crafting adds dimension and pleasure to our lives, even as God did when He created the world in all its splendor. 

How will you make the effort this summer to intentionally plant beauty and creativity through your life?

A Heart for Character

"Mom, can we plant my new flower seeds in my little garden?"

My sweet girl's brown eyes pooled as she looked up at me with longing and a shaky sort of hope. The past year's difficult transitions of moving across the country and trying to make new friends all seemed to show on her face. I knew immediately that this was one of those moments when I needed to stop all my own tasks and attend to her heart. 

As we sat together in the backyard with her little trowel and a packet of seeds, we began to talk about the way we would need to turn up the dirt so that flowers would have a healthy place to grow. Beneath a dry crust we removed little pebbles and surrounding weeds. 

"This is what Mary had to do too isn't, Mom? After she and Dicken found the door?"

She was recalling the narrative from one of our most beloved stories- The Secret Garden. 

"Yes, it is!" Everything was dry and tangled and probably full of weeks when they found the garden. They had to be very patient while they prepared the earth so that things could grow." I paused and then felt led to continue...." You know the real work in the garden was softening all the soil and all that pruning. Remember how in the story everything began to bloom as Mary's heart heal?"

Mary Lennox, the protagonist of the famous children's book, was just like the garden. Grieving and neglected, the little girl's heart was hard like ground that had gone un-tended.  She had closed herself off just like the garden wall had sealed off its beauty, but as she began to see to the care of beauty, she herself became beautiful. 

My sweet daughter, only 9 years old, was feeling the pangs of loss and not sure how to fit in to her surroundings. I feared she might close herself off to the possibility and beauty of something new. But here we were, talking about how hearts gently unfurl, and as we planted the tiny seeds we prayed together for hope to grow just like the flowers. It was a moment recently when I realized the power of story in her life. The way a literary example had stirred both my child's imagination and her faith. Her character was being shaped in the moments that we shared in the dirt together, but a seed had been planted long before that connected her heart to that moment, and to the possibility of what God could do in her young life when she brought her dry and hurting places into the presence of the Master Gardener.

Character, we are told, is often caught, more than taught, and so it is so important for us to provide our children with examples in literature, in history and of course, in Scripture. What we pour into their hearts in this way are like small seeds, watered by our love and attention, activating an imagination that take root in their heart. These seeds will be tended over time by our instruction and correction, by opportunities for weeding and pruning in the garden of their hearts. And over time, we begin to see beauty in the garden as their character grows and develops.

One of my favorite quotes on the matter of character is from Abraham Lincoln. He famously said,

"Character is like a tree, and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing."

Behavior is shadow. It is the tree that is the real thing. That is healthy or unhealthy.

The tree is the heart.

What seeds are being planted that will grow into the real thing in your child's life right now? Is it the kind of tree that when it is fully grown will cast pleasant shadows on hot days, and go before them as a reputation that glorifies God? A regal oak begins as small acorn. Great things often start very small. And the small work, little by little that you put your hands to today, are a valuable work of creating a great forest.

Developing character can often feel like a mysterious charge, and so in today's podcast Sally and I are talking more about this, why character is a gift of heart that we must give to our children before they leave home, and we are sharing some of the ways we have found to awaken a moral imagination in our children and reach their hearts. All of the favorite books we discuss are even linked up below in this post (yeah for books!)

We are praying for you as you tend to the hearts of your families today. You are dear to us!

Much love,

Kristen Kill

Episode #86

"He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much." -Luke 16:10

" I hope I shall possess firmness and virtue enough to maintain what I consider the most enviable of all titles, the character of an honest man."

-George Washington

In this episode, Sally and Kristen get at the heart of godly character, and how it is cultivated, inspired and tended to in the lives of our children. They discuss how to really reach the hearts of our children when they fail (not in the heat of the moment!) and how to create opportunities in your home that invite confession and repentance. They also share some of their favorite literary examples that have helped them along the way. Their favorites are here for you to see below (if you are on itunes or receiving this via RSS feed in your email, click over to sallyclarkson.com to see them all prettied up) 

Then Kristen is joined by Misty Krasawski who shares how she walks side by side with her children each day, providing organic opportunities for training them and inspiring their imagination through story. 

This week's Bible Memory pdf is available here: Week Three Bible Memory

Episode #86A Heart for Character.png
Misty Krasawski is wife to Rob and mama to eight precious children plus two beautiful daughters-in-law. She spends her free time (!) trying to avoid the laundry by reading classic books, painting watercolors, lighting too many candles, baking c…

Misty Krasawski is wife to Rob and mama to eight precious children plus two beautiful daughters-in-law. She spends her free time (!) trying to avoid the laundry by reading classic books, painting watercolors, lighting too many candles, baking copious amounts of cookies, and studying as much theology as she can lay her hands on. She loves encouraging people to chase the dreams God has placed in their hearts, preferably over steaming cups of tea and coffee and probably something chocolate. You can find her writing (when the laundry's done) at It's A Beautiful Life .

Find some of the books we've discussed this week here ...

All Children Are Different In Some Way! Focus On the Heart

Every person born has a unique DNA, unique fingerprints, and is individual in personality, looks, capacity, in every way. Because we are so oriented to ourselves, we often tend to judge ourselves as the true standard of how a person behaves, what choices they make, what preferences they have.

The truth is, God created each of us with our own unique capacity to make choices in life, to respond from our very own point of view within the structure of our creation--by His hand. Psalm 139 tells us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made and consequently, every adult and child is *different* in some way.

When Nathan and I wrote Different, our heart was to offer grace and hope as we told a bit of our story of walking through his out of the box issues in our own home. However, it wasn't only written for those with diagnoses.  Personality quirks, interests, circumstances, and life situations all affect our children and shape them into the particular gift God has sent to each family. We wanted the stories in Different to encourage mamas to not give up as they approached all the potential differences in their own children--as well as the differences they might encounter in others.

Because we respond to people from our own point of view, sometimes we are guilty of attributing wrong motives because of the external behavior of others. We judge them by what their behavior might mean if we made the same choices. Yet, we must look below the surface and understand that often, people work from their own opinions, and make conclusions based on the information they have--and not from an evil or rebellious heart. 

Nathan used to argue at the dinner table most evenings when we would discuss different issues. Yet, now I know that God made him a thinker-debater who cares deeply about truth, right thinking, great ideas. And so, his immature little self was exercising his opinions in an immature way as he stretched and grew toward maturity. I had to help train him to say things in a peace-making or considerate way---that was my role as a mama. But if I had constantly judge his motives--"He is intent on being argumentative and therefore rebellious!" then I would have crushed his spirit and given him a mantle of guilt for just being himself. Have you ever felt guilty for being different--as though you were too much for people when you were only being yourself? It is because you were judged by a limited perception of what personality behavior is acceptable.

As I prayed for Nathan and pondered him over the early years of his life, I gradually began to understand more fully that he was not a problem to be addressed, not the sum of his behavioral performance. His worth to God was not about his ability to fulfill other people’s expectations or act according to accepted norms. Instead he was a beloved child of the Father with a specific role to play in God’s ongoing story of redemption.

Again, this was a lesson long in coming. It hurt my feelings when people made no effort to understand what we were going through as we responded to his "differences" and bigness of life on a daily basis. I often felt humbled, discouraged, angry, lonely, and so very tired of dealing with these issues day in and day out, especially with three other children who needed me and other responsibilities mounting in my life. Daily I sought for wisdom, understanding, and insight into what would make our lives a bit easier and help all my children grow into their potential. But my other children had issues as well--moodiness, mouthiness, fear, anxiety at times, all sorts of behavioral immaturity. All are sinful and limited in some way. And gradually I began to focus on two scriptural principles that helped me immensely.

Because of my many years in ministry, I had studied and written a lot about Jesus’ relationship with His disciples. And I had noticed that one of the Master’s relational strengths was His constantly speaking positive things into the lives of His followers:

  • “Peter, you are the rock” (see Matthew 16:18).

  • “Mary, you chose the good part” and (later)

  • “Mary, your story will be told through generations because you have done this beautiful thing for Me” (see Luke 10:42 and Matthew 26:6-13).

  • “Centurion, I have never seen greater faith in all of Israel” (see Matthew 8:10).

  • “Nathanael, you are a man in whom there is no deceit” (see John 1:47).

     

That was one principle. The other emerged as I studied God’s priority for His children throughout Scripture. I noticed a consistent theme: the importance of the heart.

 

  • “People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7, NLT).

  • “Love the Lord your God with all your heart” (Matthew 22:37).

  • “The eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His” (2 Chronicles 16:9).

    There are many, many verses like these throughout the Old and New Testaments. In fact, the heart is mentioned as a priority to God more than eight hundred times in Scripture. The overall implication is that God values the inner person—will, imagination, values, purpose, attitude—more than behavior or even beliefs.

That’s not to say behavior and beliefs are unimportant. They are. But God seems to care most about who we are on the inside. He looks for a heart that is devoted to trusting Him and then strongly supports this person’s life, work, and relationships, accomplishing far beyond what that person could do naturally.

Those two scriptural principles—speaking positive words into a life and focusing on heart issues—became my essential strategy for raising Nathan. We prayed regularly that God would help us figure out how to reach Nathan’s heart with a vision for how God might use him. We wanted to build a world in Nathan’s mind where he was not always the odd man out, the kid who could not perform to the expectations of others. He needed a sense of himself that was not based on math scores or behaving correctly inside four walls, but on integrity, moral character, and courageous action. He needed to find a way to be fully himself and yet be strong in ways that God would use.

This kind of affirmation is important for all children, of course, but it's especially crucial for the "Nathans" of the world, who tend to push buttons and provoke negative feedback from others and who can easily lose heart as a result.

A constant feeling of just not measuring up can build a lifelong legacy of insecurity and even despair. Feeling like a disappointment on a regular basis can actually shape the brain patterns of a growing child. Failure and helplessness can become self-fulfilling prophecies.

So how can the parents of a different child counter that tendency while still giving the child necessary guidance? Partly by choosing our battles, as I have already mentioned. (Not everything is worth a confrontation or even a correction.) But also by deliberately speaking forward, by faith, into the heart of the child.

 
 

How can you speak faith into your own child's heart today?

You can find a copy of Different here!

Storyformed Q & A - A New Podcast

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In this Storyformed episode, Holly Packiam and Jaime Showmaker answer listener questions. 

Topics include:

  • Whether to borrow or buy children's books;
  • Whether to follow a book list or use intuition when choosing books;
  • Reading aloud;
  • How to turn our kids into readers; and
  • Whether or not to read the same books over and over. 

CLICK HERE to listen to the podcast and to view the Show Notes.