We Are Content: Our 24 Family Ways #10

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Family Way # 10

"We are content with what we have, not coveting what others have."

“But Godliness is actually of great gain when accompanied by contentment. For we have brought nothing into the world, so we cannot take anything out, either. If we have food and covering, with these we shall be content.”

I Timothy 6:6-8

Rage, anger, frustration, jealousy, selfishness and envy storm in every person's soul. How do I know? Because they have raged in my own soul. It is hard to admit, yet I know everyone understands because we all live here on earth, in human bodies!

Sometimes sin is discussed as if it were a distant, impersonal issue in church sermons. Pronounced from the pulpit, it seems far away, while our own sins go unknown by those around us.  Most of us sit silently, hiding the battles in our heart over our failure to love or forgive, battling with the demons that plague us at times when we see into the dark corners of our hearts.

We underestimate the damage sin has caused. A grid of self-centered reality permeates the way we see life. When we measure ourselves by the circumstances of our lives, we often come up judging others, criticizing them rather than ourselves.

Our sin corrupts our vision.

Our culture glorifies material possessions as a source of happiness. Those who have more are said to be happier than those of who have less, and we feel if we are the less-have-ers, we are somehow unjustly struggling.  We believe a new house, a better car, a larger salary, or more recognition will bring us happiness. Often, the longing for more things leads to us idolizing money, working extremely long hours as we seek to provide for ourselves instead of trusting God with our humble circumstances. Physical perfection, too, is held up as a standard everyone should be able to match--although, of course, we always come up short in real life which is not airbrushed or filtered!

All of these sources and other cultural messages feed our vulnerable, tender point of temptation--that of discontent. If only we had a better car, a bigger house, a better marriage partner, more well-behaved children, a  more exciting life, more love, etc ... then we would be happier. It is not sinful or wrong to have desires for something more. We were made for perfection, love, joy, and great blessing.

However, when Adam and Eve rebelled against God, it set the whole world in a pattern of destruction and brokenness, and living well became a battle.

The only way we will ever be able to be content is to realize the nature of a fallen world--this is not heaven yet. Then we must cultivate a level of thanksgiving and contentment in the life we have been given.  To choose to see the goodness of God, to look for His fingerprints every day in our lives, to have an eternal perspective, is the only way we will be able to be content. 

Contentment is a heart issue. We cannot change our emotions and selfish desires by force. Our only hope is to look to God, to ask Him to teach our heart to be content, to want to trust Him and not live in ungratefulness or in looking to what others have. Choosing to be satisfied with what we have, laying our desires and dreams in God's hands, learning to love and bring light into the broken places we inhabit is the beginning of learning to be content.

As long as we covet what we do not have, we will never be at peace.

Whether in marriage or family or with possessions, the beginning of contentment is to know that having our own way and practicing selfishness or expecting perfection in a fallen world, will just be a vain goal.

Join me today on my podcast and ponder how to give the burdens you are carrying to God and how to breathe in contentment in your life.

Perseverance: The Secret of Leaving a Lifegiving Legacy

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Great works are performed, not by strength, but by perseverance. Samuel Johnson

For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God, you may receive what was promised.

Hebrews 10:36

As I sit once again in my living room, as I have done thousands of times before: candles lit, music playing, sipping tea, and Bible in hand, I am thinking about all the times I have sat in this very place pouring out my heart, worship and requests to God. This place is familiar to me, my own personal altar, meeting with my familiar, loving God.

Today, my prayers are for my various children, big demands on the lives of several of them. “Lord, please lead them in wisdom. Please give them strength.”

Then there is the matter of my surgery. “Lord give me the right doctor.” And so on.

Life is a long story for most of us. The sum of what we have accomplished when we go to see Jesus face to face is not measure by one deed, or one act of faith. It is measured by years of love growing, compassion stretching, perseverance under trials, faith in the darkness, practiced over and over. When we add up a life of faithfulness in serving God, accumulating maturity, grace, knowledge, wisdom, failure, forgiveness, compassion--it is thousands of moments of choosing to practice persevering, one moment at a time.

But it is only in making those small choices, when no one else can see, that we find ourselves progressing on the path of the righteous.

I never tire of the story of the Sistine Chapel in Rome, a great example of perseverence in a work of art is the ceiling painting of Michelangelo. He painted over 5000 square feet of ceiling, one stroke at a time. Hundreds of scenes from the Bible, meticulously painted. Set backs, mold problems, scaffolding problems, financial issues, criticism, and more. Over four years, it took him to complete this work. Yet, now, countless millions of people have admired his great work.

For him, it was grueling, sweating work that took a master artist perseverance of great magnitude to finish this distinguished work. You can read about it here: Michelangelo Sistine Chapel 

And so it is with our lives. God has given us this opportunity, today, to invest our lives for His glory. But integrity of faith requires endurance, perseverance, and thousands of choices of obedience.

Am I one who keeps going, keeps seeking, keeps trusting, keeps moving ahead by faith? What does it require us to accomplish God's work? A steadfast heart, a focussed mind and work ethic.

Today, as you contemplate Him, and His work, may you decide to keep fervent, patient and strong in His call to work through you. May your life bring His kingdom work to bear on a world that is desperate for His touch, light, love, and redemption.

Be sure to order your copy of Help, I’m Drowning today.

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Giants In The Land Even Today

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We’re all confronted by life’s giant waves — the type that threaten to overcome wash us away, aren’t we? For as long as I can remember, there have been giants in my life and in my land. Some are uglier and bigger than others, but all of them stand before me, threatening the stability and security of my life. A “giant” is a representative of those obstacles or issues that come into our lives and tempt us to live in fear, or that cause us to wonder where God has gone; those threatening issues that are gigantic to our hearts, and cause us to worry and lose hope.

My giants are of different sizes.

Financial; fears of how a child will turn out; marriage stresses, pressures, and misunderstandings; deep loneliness for me or another family member; medical problems that don't go away; relationship issues with family; devastating circumstances in loved ones' lives; weariness; and often, fear of the future.

There were also many instances of giants in scripture. In Numbers 13, we read the story of Moses sending out twelve leaders to spy out the land God had promised to give them. Even though these men indeed found the land to be a place of milk and honey as God had promised, they gave a bad report to their people and said, "The land was a land of milk and honey, but there were people who were very strong and very large. … We were as grasshoppers in our own sight and so we became in their sight." Consequently these men swayed the people to disbelieve in God's ability to provide for them, and the result was 40 years wandering in the desert wilderness.

This is such a picture to me of what happens when we see “giants” and don't face them with God's strength. We become as grasshoppers in our hearts. We become small minded, fearful, and ineffective. Then, God gives us over to our faithlessness and we end up "wandering in the wilderness." Faithlessness always leads to a wilderness of soul.

As I see it, in scripture, giants gave people a great opportunity to glorify God--to see His faithfulness, to believe in His goodness, to conquer. We really can't walk with God and have fear and disbelief at the same time. Our heart has only enough room for one of the other. People sometimes say to me, "I feel like God is far off from me and doesn't even hear my prayers" when actually, they are the ones who have left His presence and companionship behind by disbelieving Him in the midst of their fears—just as I sometimes do.

Caleb and Joshua saw the giants, but they saw God and His strength more clearly. They believed He could conquer and lead them in victory. Because of their faith, they were the only men who were allowed to go into the promised land after the 40 years of discipline were completed.

God's response to the disbelieving Israelites was this:

"Surely all the men who have seen my glory and my signs, which I performed in Egypt and in the wilderness, yet have put me to the test these ten times and have not listened to my voice."

Yikes--how often have I seen God's faithfulness in my own life and then still looked at the next giant with fear and faithlessness! Sometimes I just get tired of giants and want to coast for a bit with an easy season. Am I grumbling against Him when the giants come, or resting and waiting patiently for His solutions because I see Him in His glory and faithfulness and lovingkindness?

I am learning that God is stronger than all of my giants, so it is a waste of time to live by fear. When I give my giants into His hands, I find rest for my soul.

Old giants will be defeated. New ones will come. But this life, these giants, are the best way I have to live a story of faith and to show God's glory--this is the way I will model faith in my home, so that my children can learn how to face their own giants.

Today, I will look my giants in the face and see God's shadow towering over them, the Lord of Hosts fighting for me. There will always be seasons of storms when we feel every day that we’re drowning in loneliness, pain, or uncertainty, but there will always be comfort and hope to be found in God.

We Are Thankful: Our 24 Family Ways #9

Way #9

"We are thankful for what we have, whether it is a little or a lot."

"Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus."

I Thess. 5:16-18

A grateful heart sees the fingerprints of God in normal every day circumstances, be they great or challenging.

Many years ago, as a young, idealistic mama, I wanted to provide my children with all the best experiences, opportunities, books, toys, bikes, lessons--the things we all feel pressured to provide for our children. When we started Wholeheart Ministries, though, we moved to a tiny country town, where we lived with my mother-in-law and got by on a very negligible salary for several years.

Shopping at Goodwill was the way to go, as we could not afford department stores. Spending at the grocery store sometimes made me feel guilty, because we just didn't have much money. Our budget didn't allow for all the things I thought my children needed.

Yet looking back, I can see that living out in the country with lots of space to roam and only a few friends but lots and lots of time together as a family is probably the best thing that could have happened to my children. Because we did not have lots of toys, our children learned to pretend, create their own stories, draw and study nature, make up games, read lots of books, and spend lots of time outdoors with animals.

Because there was not even an option to have lots of "things", they became thankful for what they had. I was the only one who had any idea that they might be missing out, because I was listening to the voices of my peers. They were blissfully unaware. Life to them was a joyful adventure where we had a little community called “Clarkson.” There was no need to be constantly entertained, because we did not have lots of media, gadgets, and toys, so they had not learned to expect them, and there were few neighbors nearby to tempt them with toys they did not have.

Working, sharing, and patiently waiting their turn were some of the ways God built thankfulness into my children's hearts. 

We learned through this season to be thankful for sunrises and sunsets, for long wanders in the grassy fields near our home. I was not smart enough to choose this for my family, but God in His wisdom knew just what my children needed to build character, to teach them to be grateful for a simple life. He used our circumstances to train them!

Enabling children’s discontent and giving them idols of our own making by over-indulging them is common in our contemporary culture, but being spoiled creates a person who complains, whines, and is weak in times of adversity.

Thankfulness is a habit of choosing to look for the blessings abundant in every day life.

Thankfulness requires us engaging in looking for ways we might worship God, and then verbalizing our gratefulness.

Thankfulness comes from a heart that is willing to look for the fingerprints of God in simple moments. “I am not alone, thank you God. You are with me every day. I am thankful for the seasons, for being alive in your world, for knowing hope that takes me through this dark world, that I know truth that guides my every thought and decision every day.”

Practice thankfulness out loud with your own children ever day. Don’t be a whiner. Give them the gift of looking for what matters. Don’t develop idols for yourself that will not fulfill, but be grateful for the life you have been given and your heart and your life will suddenly seem more full than you ever imagined.

This week, every day, notice the things that God has provided. Practice thanking Him for each way He has worked and blessed in your life. Have your children write thank you cards to friends of family for whom they are grateful. Breathing thankfulness into all the minutes of the days, creates a great pattern for life and helps you and your children to become more satisfied with what God has given.

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There Will Always Be Storms..

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There will always be storms…..

Have you ever felt that you love your children with all of your heart, that they are your treasure,

But that you just can’t be a mama today, not one more minute, or you might burst?

Have the pressures of life threatened to overcome you and you feel alone, isolated, unseen?

Have you been hurt by another who calls themselves, “Christian” and you were surprised at the animosity, criticism, and wounding that has deeply discouraged you and left you feeling hollow, empty inside?

Do you wonder how you will ever get out from this place—the place of financial crisis or debt, serious health problems, loss of job or relationship and are paralyzed to know what to do?

Do you feel distant from God and dry inside, but also guilty for being in this place, though you want to feel close to God with all that is in you?

Has the death or loss of someone cut you deeply to the core and the “hurt” just won’t go away?

Do you have a mysterious, out of the box child, that you feel like you fail to reach or know how to relate to most days, most of the time and feel overwhelmed by the needs and demands of this child?

I have felt all of these things and more. And to feel alone without companionship when you find yourself in these storms of life can magnify the pain.

There will always be storms. Rainstorms, snowstorms, sandstorms, hurricanes, endless storms.

And so it is with life—emotional storms, spiritual storms, relational storms, health storms, life storms.

Even now, with an unexpected return to America, unknown details surrounding my hip pain, surgery, issues in my children’s lives, I am in the midst of a very stormy season filled with all sorts of conflicting emotions. Yet, by now, these sorts of storms are familiar and I find my way forward with peace and hope.

My learning curve to handle these pressures of life, though, was high because I had never been taught or trained how to weather them with grace. That is why I wrote Help, I’m Drowning. What if by sharing my feelings, experiences, and the lessons I had to learn could help someone else not feel the effects of the roaring winds of life threaten to blow them over. How could I both sympathize as well as help my fellow storm travelers so that they could find wisdom and grace more quickly and more easily than I had when I journeyed through so much of life alone?

Today, I am officially starting the weeks of launching my newest book, Help, I’m Drowning. I am so excited about my wonderful launch team. (So sorry, it filled up in a very short time, as my publisher limited the numbers I could accept.)

But, I would be so honored if you would consider getting your own copy and share with your friends.

This launch season, my friends, like you, mean so much. As I return home to try to have surgery on my hip, I will be less able to be online, and so I am grateful to have such a wonderful community of friends who always help me keep the messages going.

I hope that the podcasts and the conference about avoiding burn out, and the book will touch many of you and give you grace for your own storms.

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Make the Magic Last: 5 Ways to "Date" Your Husband!

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Many years ago, Clay and I said the words that would shape the rest of our lives: "Till death do us part."

Marriage is the foundation for all families. Together, you and your husband are partners in writing your family story. Once the honeymoon is over and children become a part of our relationship, we need to be much more intentional about making time for our husbands. After being married for many years, I have learned that as a wife, I must always continue working at our marriage. There will never be a year when it is okay for me to become passive and settled. Whatever is watered will grow--and a marriage will always need to be a priority to keep growing.

As women, we often place very high and unrealistic expectations on our husbands when it comes to romance because of false expectations from movies, media and television. Many years of marriage are very demanding and depleting.  We just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, between ear infections, miscarriages, sleepless nights for years on end, bills, moves, exhaustion, ......you know the routine.

Because women are often isolated in life--no friends as neighbors, no family close by, few kindred spirits--their personal needs build and build. When an exhausted husband walks in the door from work, it is a temptation to expect a husband to meet the needs that God intended a community of family and other women to fulfill. Women really do need the fellowship,compassion and sharing of life with other women in their same situation.

Often, we expect our husband them to be prince charming everyday on top of being a husband, a father, a friend, and a hard worker. While I wanted Clay to be the "leader of the pack,", I realized that it meant  so much to him when I would intentionally cultivate the companionship and close relationship we had before children. Clay so appreciated when I would  plan dates and intentional time. It took a huge weight off of his shoulders.

The tips below are some ideas from our life to give ideas for you to plan intentional time and dates with your husband. They are all budget friendly, and many are free and don't require a babysitter!

5 Ways To Date Your Husband:

1: Dine Al Fresco. It is summer time, and nothing is more romantic than a warm breeze. Save money by cooking something tasty to your husbands preferences and have a date night in the backyard. Set up the ambiance at your patio table, or lay out a picnic blanket on the floor of your living room—wherever you can make a place. Light some candles, let the children watch a short movie you have saved, (Winnie the Pooh saved me many a night!), and enjoy some quality time.

or Recreate Your First Date. This is such a wonderful way to remember falling in love with your husband. If your first date included dinner at an Italian restaurant and a movie to follow, you can recreate that timeless moment at home! Cook up the pasta dish you had on your first date (you could even go online and print out the menu from the restaurant you went to). Rent the movie that you watched, and play it at home after your romantic dinner. You could even include the children in this night as a way to show them your love, and you could tell them the story of how you first met. Involving your children in this memory is wonderful, because it is crucial that your little ones view your marriage as something that is healthy, flourishing, and full of love.

2: Get Out! It has been proven that couples who go for walks together have all around healthier relationships (physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally). Go on a walk at sunset with your husband. Hold hands, talk about your day, and enjoy the peace and quiet. Squeeze his arm! :)

On occasion, even now most Sundays, we ride on a country road near our home in the quiet of the mountains with  our favorite music playing and just enjoy the calm of nature, mountains, meadows--greens and blues. When we lived in big cities, we would take a ride on the metro and just sit and talk!

3: Ask Questions.

In our busy lives with children, work, and a million tasks, we often forget to ask our husbands how they are doing. Set aside a few minutes of intentional time to chat with him. Men like to be strong, and not every guy has the personality to just ramble about everything that crosses their mind (like women do). Ask your husband how he is feeling, what he is excited about, what is overwhelming him, and how you could help.

Avoid topics of conflict or expectations—just listen. There is always time to complain another day.

Clay did not always tell me what was on his mind, but nonetheless he wanted me to care enough to ask and spend the time to open his own pressures and issues.

My mom taught me to wait until the time was right to talk about big issues that might create stress. So often, I would make a tasty meal, light candles and play calming music (most every night), and then after Clay had time to breathe off the stress of the day, I would bring him a cup of tea and just sit and visit. Then, when the atmosphere was clear, I would then bring up the stressful issues of the day. (Much like Esther waiting until after the King had been fed before she asked a request.)

4. Words of Gratefulness or Encouragement: Regularly, intentionally send your husband messages of appreciation, thankfulness for him in your life, words of grace. Remember to include him in the happenings of your busyness so that he feels included. Be patient and give grace. All of us need a good dose of this.

5: Wake Up Early. Sometimes, the only way we can find the time to be intentional is to wake up before all of the other tasks begin. Have a special, quiet, coffee time with your husband. You could even include a devotional in this time, or just take the time to pray together.

Clay does not like to compete with the demands of the kids. He would wait until the early mornings to have a cup of tea or to talk to me about things. Now we either have a short time before dinner where we focus on each other, or a cup of tea in the mornings.

Do life together and remember to honor your husband by making time. Clay likes me to take initiative when it comes to creating intentional time as a couple. It is a grace of a godly woman to cultivate an environment of peace and calm where her husband can feel confident and safe enough to share all the issues of his heart, both insecurities, failures, hopes, dreams and struggles. 

Still, after all these years, and even more, because of our trials we conquered together, my beloved Clay is still "my man." He has endured so much with me. Our story of survival and faith and unconditional love, makes our story all the more precious.

We Forgive One Another: Our 24 Family Ways #8

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Way  # 8

We forgive one another, covering an offense with love when wronged or hurt.

Memory Verse: So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. Colossians 3:12-13

All of us make mistakes. We lose our temper. We are selfish and want the best or biggest piece of cake. We become angry over petty issues. We judge more harshly than we want others to judge us. We break someone else's toy. No matter how hard any of us try, we will always, always make mistakes and eventually fall short of someone's expectations and disappoint those who love us.

That is why forgiveness is so very essential to the message of Christ—and to the messages we send within our families! As the ones who follow Jesus, we are those who love the best because we are those who give the most grace, because we have been given the most grace. As we love Christ, He leads us to give grace and forgive others.

In a world where culture gives us every kind of excuse to quit relationships, to hold a grudge, to become a victim of a difficult life, to gossip, to criticize, the practice of forgiveness stands out like a beacon of light for a defense of Christianity. 

It is not logical to forgive someone who has offended us, but it is supernatural--it can only come from walking in the power of the Holy Spirit. Yet, forgiveness and humility was constantly on the heart of Jesus.

Peter wanted to quantify forgiveness, like we all desire to do! He was willing to be noble and forgive someone, but after all, he thought there surely must be a limit! Perhaps seven is the number of times we should forgive, Lord? He asked with a self-justifying heart.

No, Jesus said. 70 times 7--in other words, you must forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive, .........

Forgiving another person who has hurt us, damaged our reputation, who has continually been mean-spirited or abused us in some way is one of the most difficult practices to exercise. Each of us has been deeply hurt at one time or another—or will be in the future. It is natural to want to take revenge, or even to justify our own position and way of looking at an offense to justify lack of forgiveness.

Yet, it is the way of Jesus--the supernatural way of the Spirit in our lives to extend forgiveness and unconditional love.

"While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us," we read in Romans 8.

“He who knew no sin became sin on our behalf.” II Cor. 5:21

To truly understand Jesus, to worship Him from a grateful heart, requires that we learn to forgive and avoid taking offense when wronged. Bowing our knee and our will to actually forgive someone and expect nothing in return is not natural, but supernatural. 

Forgiveness is the essence of God's heart. It compelled Him to die for us.

So, if we want to give our children a secret to living a life of love, we must teach them this Family Way. If we want our children to be godly leaders in this world, they must see self-sacrificing, humble forgiveness in and through our words, our lives and our actions.

One of the most important values I have come to understand from being a mama, is that when I take responsibility for the shaping of my children's hearts, to teach them truth, I have had to become more godly in order to teach them these life-changing truths.

And so, as we approach this week's way, let us understand that helping our children practice forgiveness over and over again will establish a pattern in their hearts to be remembered when they must make this choice as adults. Train up a child in the way he should go, forgiving 70 X 70 X70 and so on, and forgiveness will become part of his paradigm for life. If we all loved and forgave this way, the world would indeed become a place open to the heart and message of Christ.

May God give each of us grace to become stronger and stronger at forgiving and extending love more every day. I think I will perfect this when I am 75! But at least I am working on it!

Overcoming Darkness With Rituals of Hope

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Hope: an expectation and anticipation of a desired positive outcome that carries one forward.

Clay and I were putting the day to rest as we conversed outside in my “driveway” garden. He suddenly said, “Don’t move! A little bird has joined us.”

For almost a full 5 minutes, the wee one sat and listened and stayed with us. Many of you know that birds speak to me of God’s immediate presence: comfort, friendship, personal attention, love.

Since 37 years ago, I have made birds a symbol of hope for myself. At that time, I had one miscarriage behind me. Pregnant with little Sarah, I hit 5 months and began to bleed. I was on a trip with Clay and his mama in the Austrian Alps and was by myself in a small hotel room. As I poured out my prayers and pleadings to the Lord, he sent a little bird, just like this one literally to my window sill not 6 inches away. The tiny one sang its heart out and stayed there.

Remembering these verses in Luke 12: 6-7,

“What is the price of five sparrows—two copper coins[b]? Yet God does not forget a single one of them. 7 And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.”

it was as though God was whispering to me, “Don’t worry. I see you. I am with you. I will take care of you.”

And so Sarah was born months later and I had the little singing bird forever more to remind me of God’s ultimate faithfulness! (pretty convinced it was an angel bird. :))

Since then, I have collected birds, spread them around my house, pointed then out to my children as a sign that God is visiting us especially today when one shows up.

I have read about so many tragic situations where woman seem to have this innate ability to mount up over dire circumstances to bring hope, redemption and life in the midst of sadness.. They are, it seems, the keepers of hope. They practice rhythms of hope in the traditions they keep and the light they show in their homes.

Hope is the glory of a woman when she could choose to fear, or quitting or despair, but instead chooses to believe forward.

We take it in our hearts to choose hope--hope that our faith will be justified, because we believe that God is real, He is loving, He is powerful and He will have the last word.

“Only a Christian has a right to hope, for only he has the power of God to give substance to his hope…Earth is bearable because there is hope." 

A.W. Tozer

Be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for and hope for and expect the Lord! Psalm 31: 24

It is easy as parents to fear the world our children have been born into. But what if, instead, we prepared our children to be warriors for His kingdom? What if we whispered over and over into their sweet little hearts, that though we love them so much, we cannot keep them from evil because God has chosen them to fight a valiant battle, to be a hero of light, hope and goodness in their time and that some day, Jesus Himself will say, "Well done thou good and faithful servant!" --because they fought the good fight and were waiting, like Paul, for the crown that is stored up for him and all who believe and wait for his coming.

Little by little, we must strengthen their muscles of brining hope to their world by giving them the opportunity to be sources of hope and comfort and love to those in need. We are their trainers, those coaches, who are to prepare them to stand strong in their world when God calls them away for His great work.

Satan will not have the last word. Though the battle rages, we shall prevail because we are His and He is the king and Lord over all.

He who overcomes will inherit these things, and I will be his God and he will be My son. Rev. 21: 7

 It is my prayer all of us will hear the very voice of the Holy Spirit calling  to have hope, because He is the ultimate redeemer and we know that we will reign with Him through all eternity, after we have been faithful here, to fight the good fight, as Paul did. May we also run the race with godly endurance, keep our faith, and wait for the crown of righteousness that will surely be ours. And may our children who follow behind us find us faithful to leave them a story of hope, a pathway of courage and an end that rejoices in the reality of His presence.

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It Always Feels Like Somebody's Watching Me ... And They Are!

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Weariness did not even begin to define the bone-deep exhaustion I was feeling. Lifting the weight of my body off of my bed in the mornings felt like an impossible task. Three hormonal teenagers, a budding seven-year-old, Clay with a ruptured disc that caused him excruciating pain with each step; a book deadline; a daughter in and out of the hospital being tested for a brain tumor, and my mom falling and breaking her hip were just a few of the issues that occupied my thoughts each day.

Resentment was exploding inside my brain. "No one appreciates all that I am doing to keep this family together. Cooking, washing, teaching, caring for everyone, running them to appointments, lessons, doctors and listening beyond midnight to teens pouring out their angst," and the lists of my exhausting responsibilities grew longer and longer in my mind. This fueled my frustration with Clay, who was lying next to me in bed, seemingly unaware of all my burdens.

The sun was just beginning to peek through the crack in the curtains, reminding me that there was little time left to sleep. I was entertaining evil, selfish thoughts toward Clay when the Holy Spirit gently nudged my conscience. "He needs you to encourage him. He is so discouraged because of bills, pain, and the insecurities of life all around him."

"Really, Lord? I am the one needing encouragement!"

Slowly, I willed my arm to reach over and gently scratched his back, confiding, "I just want you to know that I really love you and respect how bravely you have borne your ruptured disc. I know you are in such pain every day, but I am praying for you," I softly whispered, in sheer obedience to God.

Quietly, almost imperceptible, he responded,"I am so relieved. You have every right to be mad at me. I thought you were disappointed in me for not paying attention to you or taking care of you. But I have been so down about the overwhelming issues in our lives and constantly in pain, and I have not meant to neglect you--there is just so much. Thank you for being patient with me. I really appreciate you and love you."

And he reached over and gently embraced me before crawling out of bed, grimacing at the pain triggered by even that simple movement.

I turned over and slowly slipped out of bed, donned my soft, well-worn robe and padded quietly toward the kitchen for my first cup of caffeine.

As I approached the door of my bedroom, I was suddenly startled by the sight of my son lying quietly on our bedroom floor, cuddled in a comforter and staring up thoughtfully from his soft pillow.

"Mama, I was sleeping here because I had a real bad dream, but I knew you were tired so I didn't want to wake you up. But I heard you and Daddy talking. It made me feel happy to hear you all comforting each other and saying, 'I love you.' I want a marriage just like you when I grow up -- where my wife and I love each together and are partners in life. That would be so much fun to live with your best friend."

I hadn’t even known he was there! I was so glad in that moment that I hadn't given into my frustration and lashed out at Clay earlier. You just never know when your children are listening or watching, and you will always be glad you responded to a hard situation in gentleness and love.

We Encourage One Another: Our 24 Family Ways #7

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Our Family Way #7

We encourage one another, using only words that build up and bless others.

Memory Verse Ephesians 4:29

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Like apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken in the right circumstances.

Proverbs 25:11

No matter how you picture a gold apple as mentioned in this scripture, you would probably think to find an apple gilded in gold and wrapped in silver something almost shocking—extravagant in worth, delightful, an over-the-top elegant display of a fruit so commonly loved.

That is the magnitude of words spoken at just the right time—of great worth, something that stands out and sparkles, reflects light, gives a sense of beauty and design. So, if we really think about our words and how to aim them at the heart of others, we can have that valuable an impact. Solomon is saying that such words aimed at the heart at the right time with grace will have immense effect. Don’t underestimate the value of learning to speak in a loving, encouraging, gracious way. I have been thinking about the importance of words lately: they bring life or death.

Jesus was called the Word or “the Message,” and His life brought hope and redemption and truth and guidance, blessing all who understood his message with grace and eternal worth.. 

I have met so many young 20-somethings in the past few years who have scars from their parents. Mainly, I have heard stories of parents who never encouraged or had time to listen or believe in dreams or sympathize. "My parents never listened to me. They never understood me. They were always angry at me," is often what I hear. Sometimes their memories are of sentences like these …

“I wish you had never been born,”

“You are such a disappointment to me.”

“I hate you.”

“You are so dumb.”

“You embarrass me.”

These words are like knives that cut deeply to the inside of a heart and leave ugly scars on those who have heard them over and over again.

But if we were to look at the Word, Jesus himself, we would see intentional encouragement. "Peter, you are the rock. Thomas, a man in whom there is no guile. The centurion--no one has had faith like you. Mary, your story will be told about you for all times." Jesus always took time to show love, to initiate words of life--even to believe in Peter and encourage him as he was about to rebel against him. “Peter, Satan has desired to sift you like wheat. But I have prayed for you..."

It is almost as detrimental to withhold words as to say angry words.

“I never remember my father saying anything kind about me in my whole life.”

“I don’t remember my mother ever saying she loved me. When I told her I loved her when I was 27, she said, ‘I do, too.’” That was the extend of her love verbalized. I always wanted to know if I was worth being loved.”

A word held back could keep a person from hope, faith, affirmation, a sense of worth. We also know that negative words build a wall that can separate friends.

And so words have power and influence over who and what a human being becomes. That is why we must deeply consider how to invest words of love, hope, truth, encouragement, and practice saying them regularly. It is also why we must teach our children to ponder what words of life are and how to give them to others, as though we were giving them apples of gold.

May the Lord bless you with creative ideas on ways you can speak life to your loved ones this week!

Books Referenced in this Podcast:

 

FOR MORE

  • Subscribe to this podcast on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.

  • Leave an iTunes Review These are so important as they help our podcast reach more women with messages of encouragement.

  • Follow on Facebook and Instagram for the latest news and updates.

  • Share with others. My prayer is that this podcast brings encouragement to women and families, and I would be honored for you to tell others about it.

  • Join my friends and me in membership at Life with Sally, a place for me to share more teaching from the Bible and messages on education, motherhood, discipleship, and more!