The World Needs Brave Mamas, Now!

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There are always clouds on the horizon—and storms at this time in history are constantly forming. It is true for my adult kids as well. A few years ago, one of them said, (though they all say this from time to time,

“Mama, I just want to be home. I want to hear your answers, eat your food, live in stability for a few days, be friends and refuel a bit. This has been so hard.” from an unnamed Clarkson child.

It is how life is conducted in the day to day, the mundane, the home rituals where stability, peace of mind, comfort in a whirling world matters so much. To have such rhythms of life requires one who will direct and conduct the love, beauty, peace, truth and comfort—it doesn’t just happen by chance.

As I look upon the landscape of our culture, it seems that more than anything else, adults who love God with all of their hearts—who practice righteousness, who have a heart to reach others, who stand strong against the moral battles of this day— are what is most desperately needed in our world.

God intended for righteousness to be passed on from one generation to the next by mentoring the children who would become this kind of adult. It would be that they would effectively pass on God's Kingdom messages and values and loyal allegiance to Him to those in their own generation. The key to building healthy, godly souls comes from growing to maturity in a home where this life of Christ is lived, breathed and taught.

Mothers were God's finest idea of how such a legacy would be passed on each generation. Mothers were designed by Him to shape and influence the hearts of children who would become the next generation of godly leaders in the sanctuary of their own homes. Mothers have the capacity to inspire messages of truth and hope, to model love and servant leadership, to build mental and academic strength by overseeing the education of her children, to lead in faith and to build a haven of all that is good, true and beautiful.

Satan would love to obscure such an important calling so that generations could not be so well built. He would diminish marriage, having children, family, our walk with God, and loyal love, the glue that holds all of these relationships together.

This is exactly why it is so important that mothers today receive instruction, encouragement, support, and wisdom so that they can continue this great calling in their lifetime, so that history will mark her investment by the lives her children are enabled to lead.

There will always be storms on the horizon or storms coming or storms that just passed. Yet, how we face life in the midst of the storms determines the legacy that we leave. If we give up or give in, we are leaving a legacy of quitting and allowing storms to determine the actions of our lives.

One of the most fulfilling works of life, more of a blessing than I would ever have imagined, is to have built with Clay these wonderful children into godly adults. What blessing and love God had in mind when He gifted me, my children, as the best work of faith I will probably ever do!

My prayer for you, at this time, is that you will embrace your eternally significant role and that you will know just how much your children are hoping you will be faithful to God. Your faithfulness ensures that they may be trained in spiritual strength, moral excellence, and the influence of righteousness. I pray that every day, you will have a vision for understanding how very much each day of your faithful serving as a mom matters to God and to His wonderful plan to create us for this role.

I wish each of you a blessed day today. I wrote my books to build a strong and visual picture for the hearts and minds of women all over the world to provide a vision that gives confidence and hope for being an intentional mama or parent or aunty or grandma.

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Help, I'm Drowning: Weathering the Storms of Life with Grace and Hope

By Clarkson, Sally

Waiting in the Meantime By Cultivating a Beautiful Life

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Lamentations 3:25
The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.

Over 150 times in the Bible the word wait is used, and waiting is not usually what we want to do. Even as I observe how God works in creation, I see that waiting is a very normal part of the process.

Every June, the fields in Oxford are covered with buttercups, breathtakingly beautiful. But they are for a short season and then we wait again, through the cold storms of winter, another whole year, until we can again enjoy the glorious beauty.

Waiting, waiting, waiting seems to cover most of life.

Waiting to get a driver’s liscense when a teen.

Wait to get out of college, Wait for a job,Waiting to get married,

Waiting to get pregnant,

Waiting for the baby to be born, then sleep through the night, then get out of diapers, to walk, then……

Waiting for friendship, for prodigals to return, for teens to mature, better jobs, a better house, a better church, different circumstances, and on and on till you die. If we are always waiting until we can be happy, we will be disappointed most of life.

Often, emotional storms of our lives occur in a winter season, when life feels cold and dying. Waiting for the next thing that we suppose will make us happy, we drag through our days.. During these times we struggle with feelings of fear, “what if’s,” despair, isolation, loneliness, exhaustion.

Threatening storms, the anguish in a hard time, the pressure when we don’t know what is ahead, can hang heavy upon us. We bide our time because of our need to make it through the darkness and clouds. Often, we are tempted just to “gut it out” and just barely live through the long wait with the illusion that we will be happy when the “thing” we are waiting for happens.

But if we do not find contentment, joy, pleasure in the meantime while we wait, we will waste most of life. And in the wasting, our hearts and souls will grow in despair. And often the things we were waiting for didn’t bring the perfect solution we were hoping for.

“In the meantime,” the time between what we want and when we get an answer embodies most of life. Most days are pretty much the same: Eating, working, cleaning up, sleeping and then again.

But, what we choose to do with our life “in the meantime” is what will write most of the story of our whole lives. To leave a legacy of love, faith, joy, goodness we must search for them in the hidden, mundane days, not in the exceptional events.

As I pondered the life of my whole family at present, it seems that all of us are waiting right now—waiting for a surgery date, children waiting for job opportunities, housing, future jobs, etc.

Who you are “in the wait” and how you cultivate your life in the meantime is shaping your character, your faith, your life messages more than anything else.

Cultivating a life filled with beautiful rhythms, life giving rituals, attitudes of gratefulness, is what shapes our hearts and minds in the midst of the storms. The agency we have to believe forward in God’s goodness and faithfulness will make every day meaningful, every day a gift, as we wait with hope.

In the meantime, today, as you wait for life to pass, how are you living well? What are you doing to validate each day as one in which you can rejoice and see God’s goodness?

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Light a Candle in Your Family's Darkness

"Mama, one of the things that most distinguishes you is that you are always a hopeful person. No matter what would happen, you always pointed us to hope."

How surprised I was to hear this from a child, as I have often felt I was barely struggling through the many challenges that threatened to overcome our family over the years! I realized early on that children long to have a happy mother. In a time when media spreads the gloom and doom of catastrophes, fears, and threats, a mama can spread light, thankfulness, and hope so her children feel secure and safe. But when a mama lives darkly, the children harbor fear and insecurity and blame themselves for their parents being angry or sad.

Women who choose hope and choose to trust God are those who, instead of cursing the darkness, light a candle. But this is a conscious choice of the will. Hope is not a feeling, it is a commitment to hold fast to what scripture reminds us is true about God. Knowing scripture, pondering it and truly taking it into your soul, is what gives each of us fuel to live the Christian life as we listen to the Holy Spirit guide us through the wisdom we have learned. The only way to live well is to live in fellowship with God. Nothing else will satisfy.

We live in an imperfect world filled with disappointments, devastation, and difficulty. Without hope, our lives can feel absolutely purposeless sometimes. In my own life, I have struggled with hardships I never could have seen coming. My heart has been broken, my faith has been tested, and I have had to push myself in ways that I couldn't have imagined. Circumstances will come our way, and we will always have a choice to make. We can choose to give up, or we can choose hope.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." -Romans 15:13

Oh to allow the Holy Spirit to fill me to overflowing with hope.

Hope it not just wishful thinking. Hope is an assurance that our King has ultimately won the raging battle. Hope teaches us that this is the broken place where we have the honor of believing Him who is fighting on our behalf.

Hope anchors the soul and keeps us grounded.

"This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast and one which enters within the veil." ~Hebrews 6:19

When we have nothing else to rely on, our hope in God is what connects us to what is true. As Romans 15:13, above, tells us, when we put our trust in God, we can overflow with hope. This hope from the Holy Spirit is such a powerful entity, it can make us truly unstoppable.

But faith is a choice that requires us to relinquish our fears, doubts and worries into the hands of God--like a child who says, "I will trust my mama and daddy because I know they are good and reliable." So we say, I will give this into God’s hands because I know He is good and loving and reliable.

Hope gives us the strength to take on our future. Hope can cure the incurable. No circumstance, no problem, no issue, no devastation is too large or too difficult for God to take on. However, we have to choose this hope. We must receive it. Sometimes, life can beat us down and make us feel absolutely defeated. But when we choose to carry the hope God has given us, we are able to overcome anything.

Faith is the assurance of things hoped for (Hebrews 11:1).

My hope rests in God's character and ability to see me through. He who answers prayer. He who is always good. He who has overcome the world. He who has forgiven every sin. He who will never leave me or forsake me. I can leave my issues in the file drawer of heaven and know that He has the ability to work them out and to cause "all things to work together for the good for them who love Him."

The God-given gift of hope is the best possible medicine for any hardship in life. My hope says that I am willing to wait on God's timing, God's way and God's will with a belief that I will look back and be amazed at the ways He showed his faithfulness. My hope is what carried me through health issues, struggles in my family, going five years without a salary, and so much more. Hope is the physician of each misery, and God has given us this gift to heal us from our pasts so that we may have a future that is full of joy and light.

Do your children watch you in your tests of faith and see you walking in hope and trust as an example to them of how they will need to live their adult lives?

Precious Heavenly Father,

I humbly acknowledge that you are faithful and that you see me and know my battles. Lord, I want to choose to be a person of hope because of my faith in you. Please take my burdens into your own hands, and through the Holy Spirit, restore my heart to peace. Let my choice to praise you please you, because my spiritual service of worship is to hope in you each day. Thank you for your patience and love for me. I love you, too, sweet Lord.

Help!!! Sally’s Drowning!

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Many years ago, I was at the height of demands on my life: 2 teenagers, an out-of-the-box active little boy, and a toddler with nocturnal asthma every night at 1:00 a.m. I had been living on fumes for so long, I didn’t even know how I was existing.

A friend sent me a note and said, “Let’s meet for coffee.” We met at a tiny cafe for a 30-minute chat. She took my hand and said, “Sally, you are amazing. I watch you serving your family, you are getting no sleep but caring for Joy, you are giving your all to everyone you know. I just wanted you to know that I see your faithfulness and it matters!”

Tears started rolling down my cheek. I didn’t even know I needed someone to see me and give sympathy.

As I have been praying about releasing Help, I’m Drowning into the World, I hoped that it would be a book where women would feel seen, understood, and validated through the pressures of their lives in the same way I was.

So, when I do launch teams, I plan fun, community, gifts, tea time giveaways and so much more. But, the past few days have been so very crazy.

For many reasons, (also, I was traveling, chasing continents, setting up house and putting out a million fires),

my launch team did not exactly get launched—

It is a long story of a variety of circumstances. But I still want a big launch team to love, to enjoy, to share life with, and lots of giveaways. But because of the kerfuffles, I need some of you, my kindred spirits to join me, to be a part of a robust, fun community, and to share my newest book with the world. So if you did not get in before, now is your chance.

To join, you just go to this link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/211427150920066/

Request to join and you will be in!

I want to share your stories. I plan on having a tea time giveaway on zoom with several people and their friends. Wouldn’t that be fun—an hour together, sipping and sharing stories together. So, come on over, join and let’s share our hearts, dreams and have a cuppa together.

We have planned some fun giveaways, some live events, and some great opportunities to fellowship with like-minded women. We really have so much fun in these launch teams. I would be so honored if you would consider joining us.

I so need your friendship right now and I would love to be there to encourage you. At this juncture, we shall all face storms and issues as a community of friends—I have so much fun with my launch teams. I receive so much great encouragement and I know others feel it too. So looking forward to hearing your heart and hearing your own storms you are facing. Hoping many will be encouraged. Join in if you can!

Books Referenced in This Podcast:

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• Share with others. My prayer is that this podcast brings encouragement to women and families, and I would be honored for you to tell others about it.

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We Are Content: Our 24 Family Ways #10

Family Way # 10

"We are content with what we have, not coveting what others have."

“But Godliness is actually of great gain when accompanied by contentment. For we have brought nothing into the world, so we cannot take anything out, either. If we have food and covering, with these we shall be content.”

I Timothy 6:6-8

Rage, anger, frustration, jealousy, selfishness and envy storm in every person's soul. How do I know? Because they have raged in my own soul. It is hard to admit, yet I know everyone understands because we all live here on earth, in human bodies!

Sometimes sin is discussed as if it were a distant, impersonal issue in church sermons. Pronounced from the pulpit, it seems far away, while our own sins go unknown by those around us.  Most of us sit silently, hiding the battles in our heart over our failure to love or forgive, battling with the demons that plague us at times when we see into the dark corners of our hearts.

We underestimate the damage sin has caused. A grid of self-centered reality permeates the way we see life. When we measure ourselves by the circumstances of our lives, we often come up judging others, criticizing them rather than ourselves.

Our sin corrupts our vision.

Our culture glorifies material possessions as a source of happiness. Those who have more are said to be happier than those of who have less, and we feel if we are the less-have-ers, we are somehow unjustly struggling.  We believe a new house, a better car, a larger salary, or more recognition will bring us happiness. Often, the longing for more things leads to us idolizing money, working extremely long hours as we seek to provide for ourselves instead of trusting God with our humble circumstances. Physical perfection, too, is held up as a standard everyone should be able to match--although, of course, we always come up short in real life which is not airbrushed or filtered!

All of these sources and other cultural messages feed our vulnerable, tender point of temptation--that of discontent. If only we had a better car, a bigger house, a better marriage partner, more well-behaved children, a  more exciting life, more love, etc ... then we would be happier. It is not sinful or wrong to have desires for something more. We were made for perfection, love, joy, and great blessing.

However, when Adam and Eve rebelled against God, it set the whole world in a pattern of destruction and brokenness, and living well became a battle.

The only way we will ever be able to be content is to realize the nature of a fallen world--this is not heaven yet. Then we must cultivate a level of thanksgiving and contentment in the life we have been given.  To choose to see the goodness of God, to look for His fingerprints every day in our lives, to have an eternal perspective, is the only way we will be able to be content. 

Contentment is a heart issue. We cannot change our emotions and selfish desires by force. Our only hope is to look to God, to ask Him to teach our heart to be content, to want to trust Him and not live in ungratefulness or in looking to what others have. Choosing to be satisfied with what we have, laying our desires and dreams in God's hands, learning to love and bring light into the broken places we inhabit is the beginning of learning to be content.

As long as we covet what we do not have, we will never be at peace.

Whether in marriage or family or with possessions, the beginning of contentment is to know that having our own way and practicing selfishness or expecting perfection in a fallen world, will just be a vain goal.

Join me today on my podcast and ponder how to give the burdens you are carrying to God and how to breathe in contentment in your life.

Our 24 Family Ways: A Family Devotional Guide

By Clarkson, Clay

Perseverance: The Secret of Leaving a Lifegiving Legacy

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Great works are performed, not by strength, but by perseverance. Samuel Johnson

For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God, you may receive what was promised.

Hebrews 10:36

As I sit once again in my living room, as I have done thousands of times before: candles lit, music playing, sipping tea, and Bible in hand, I am thinking about all the times I have sat in this very place pouring out my heart, worship and requests to God. This place is familiar to me, my own personal altar, meeting with my familiar, loving God.

Today, my prayers are for my various children, big demands on the lives of several of them. “Lord, please lead them in wisdom. Please give them strength.”

Then there is the matter of my surgery. “Lord give me the right doctor.” And so on.

Life is a long story for most of us. The sum of what we have accomplished when we go to see Jesus face to face is not measure by one deed, or one act of faith. It is measured by years of love growing, compassion stretching, perseverance under trials, faith in the darkness, practiced over and over. When we add up a life of faithfulness in serving God, accumulating maturity, grace, knowledge, wisdom, failure, forgiveness, compassion--it is thousands of moments of choosing to practice persevering, one moment at a time.

But it is only in making those small choices, when no one else can see, that we find ourselves progressing on the path of the righteous.

I never tire of the story of the Sistine Chapel in Rome, a great example of perseverence in a work of art is the ceiling painting of Michelangelo. He painted over 5000 square feet of ceiling, one stroke at a time. Hundreds of scenes from the Bible, meticulously painted. Set backs, mold problems, scaffolding problems, financial issues, criticism, and more. Over four years, it took him to complete this work. Yet, now, countless millions of people have admired his great work.

For him, it was grueling, sweating work that took a master artist perseverance of great magnitude to finish this distinguished work. You can read about it here: Michelangelo Sistine Chapel 

And so it is with our lives. God has given us this opportunity, today, to invest our lives for His glory. But integrity of faith requires endurance, perseverance, and thousands of choices of obedience.

Am I one who keeps going, keeps seeking, keeps trusting, keeps moving ahead by faith? What does it require us to accomplish God's work? A steadfast heart, a focussed mind and work ethic.

Today, as you contemplate Him, and His work, may you decide to keep fervent, patient and strong in His call to work through you. May your life bring His kingdom work to bear on a world that is desperate for His touch, light, love, and redemption.

Be sure to order your copy of Help, I’m Drowning today.

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• Share with others. My prayer is that this podcast brings encouragement to women and families, and I would be honored for you to tell others about it.

• Join my friends and me in membership at Life with Sally, a place for me to share more teaching from the Bible and messages on education, motherhood, discipleship, and more!

Giants In The Land Even Today

We’re all confronted by life’s giant waves — the type that threaten to overcome wash us away, aren’t we? For as long as I can remember, there have been giants in my life and in my land. Some are uglier and bigger than others, but all of them stand before me, threatening the stability and security of my life. A “giant” is a representative of those obstacles or issues that come into our lives and tempt us to live in fear, or that cause us to wonder where God has gone; those threatening issues that are gigantic to our hearts, and cause us to worry and lose hope.

My giants are of different sizes.

Financial; fears of how a child will turn out; marriage stresses, pressures, and misunderstandings; deep loneliness for me or another family member; medical problems that don't go away; relationship issues with family; devastating circumstances in loved ones' lives; weariness; and often, fear of the future.

There were also many instances of giants in scripture. In Numbers 13, we read the story of Moses sending out twelve leaders to spy out the land God had promised to give them. Even though these men indeed found the land to be a place of milk and honey as God had promised, they gave a bad report to their people and said, "The land was a land of milk and honey, but there were people who were very strong and very large. … We were as grasshoppers in our own sight and so we became in their sight." Consequently these men swayed the people to disbelieve in God's ability to provide for them, and the result was 40 years wandering in the desert wilderness.

This is such a picture to me of what happens when we see “giants” and don't face them with God's strength. We become as grasshoppers in our hearts. We become small minded, fearful, and ineffective. Then, God gives us over to our faithlessness and we end up "wandering in the wilderness." Faithlessness always leads to a wilderness of soul.

As I see it, in scripture, giants gave people a great opportunity to glorify God--to see His faithfulness, to believe in His goodness, to conquer. We really can't walk with God and have fear and disbelief at the same time. Our heart has only enough room for one of the other. People sometimes say to me, "I feel like God is far off from me and doesn't even hear my prayers" when actually, they are the ones who have left His presence and companionship behind by disbelieving Him in the midst of their fears—just as I sometimes do.

Caleb and Joshua saw the giants, but they saw God and His strength more clearly. They believed He could conquer and lead them in victory. Because of their faith, they were the only men who were allowed to go into the promised land after the 40 years of discipline were completed.

God's response to the disbelieving Israelites was this:

"Surely all the men who have seen my glory and my signs, which I performed in Egypt and in the wilderness, yet have put me to the test these ten times and have not listened to my voice."

Yikes--how often have I seen God's faithfulness in my own life and then still looked at the next giant with fear and faithlessness! Sometimes I just get tired of giants and want to coast for a bit with an easy season. Am I grumbling against Him when the giants come, or resting and waiting patiently for His solutions because I see Him in His glory and faithfulness and lovingkindness?

I am learning that God is stronger than all of my giants, so it is a waste of time to live by fear. When I give my giants into His hands, I find rest for my soul.

Old giants will be defeated. New ones will come. But this life, these giants, are the best way I have to live a story of faith and to show God's glory--this is the way I will model faith in my home, so that my children can learn how to face their own giants.

Today, I will look my giants in the face and see God's shadow towering over them, the Lord of Hosts fighting for me. There will always be seasons of storms when we feel every day that we’re drowning in loneliness, pain, or uncertainty, but there will always be comfort and hope to be found in God.

We Are Thankful: Our 24 Family Ways #9

Way #9

"We are thankful for what we have, whether it is a little or a lot."

"Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus."

I Thess. 5:16-18

A grateful heart sees the fingerprints of God in normal every day circumstances, be they great or challenging.

Many years ago, as a young, idealistic mama, I wanted to provide my children with all the best experiences, opportunities, books, toys, bikes, lessons--the things we all feel pressured to provide for our children. When we started Wholeheart Ministries, though, we moved to a tiny country town, where we lived with my mother-in-law and got by on a very negligible salary for several years.

Shopping at Goodwill was the way to go, as we could not afford department stores. Spending at the grocery store sometimes made me feel guilty, because we just didn't have much money. Our budget didn't allow for all the things I thought my children needed.

Yet looking back, I can see that living out in the country with lots of space to roam and only a few friends but lots and lots of time together as a family is probably the best thing that could have happened to my children. Because we did not have lots of toys, our children learned to pretend, create their own stories, draw and study nature, make up games, read lots of books, and spend lots of time outdoors with animals.

Because there was not even an option to have lots of "things", they became thankful for what they had. I was the only one who had any idea that they might be missing out, because I was listening to the voices of my peers. They were blissfully unaware. Life to them was a joyful adventure where we had a little community called “Clarkson.” There was no need to be constantly entertained, because we did not have lots of media, gadgets, and toys, so they had not learned to expect them, and there were few neighbors nearby to tempt them with toys they did not have.

Working, sharing, and patiently waiting their turn were some of the ways God built thankfulness into my children's hearts. 

We learned through this season to be thankful for sunrises and sunsets, for long wanders in the grassy fields near our home. I was not smart enough to choose this for my family, but God in His wisdom knew just what my children needed to build character, to teach them to be grateful for a simple life. He used our circumstances to train them!

Enabling children’s discontent and giving them idols of our own making by over-indulging them is common in our contemporary culture, but being spoiled creates a person who complains, whines, and is weak in times of adversity.

Thankfulness is a habit of choosing to look for the blessings abundant in every day life.

Thankfulness requires us engaging in looking for ways we might worship God, and then verbalizing our gratefulness.

Thankfulness comes from a heart that is willing to look for the fingerprints of God in simple moments. “I am not alone, thank you God. You are with me every day. I am thankful for the seasons, for being alive in your world, for knowing hope that takes me through this dark world, that I know truth that guides my every thought and decision every day.”

Practice thankfulness out loud with your own children ever day. Don’t be a whiner. Give them the gift of looking for what matters. Don’t develop idols for yourself that will not fulfill, but be grateful for the life you have been given and your heart and your life will suddenly seem more full than you ever imagined.

This week, every day, notice the things that God has provided. Practice thanking Him for each way He has worked and blessed in your life. Have your children write thank you cards to friends of family for whom they are grateful. Breathing thankfulness into all the minutes of the days, creates a great pattern for life and helps you and your children to become more satisfied with what God has given.

Our 24 Family Ways: A Family Devotional Guide

By Clarkson, Clay

FOR MORE

• Subscribe to this podcast on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.

• Leave an iTunes Review These are so important as they help our podcast reach more women with messages of encouragement.

• Follow on Facebook and Instagram for the latest news and updates.

• Share with others. My prayer is that this podcast brings encouragement to women and families, and I would be honored for you to tell others about it.

• Join my friends and me in membership at Life with Sally, a place for me to share more teaching from the Bible and messages on education, motherhood, discipleship, and more!

There Will Always Be Storms..

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There will always be storms…..

Have you ever felt that you love your children with all of your heart, that they are your treasure,

But that you just can’t be a mama today, not one more minute, or you might burst?

Have the pressures of life threatened to overcome you and you feel alone, isolated, unseen?

Have you been hurt by another who calls themselves, “Christian” and you were surprised at the animosity, criticism, and wounding that has deeply discouraged you and left you feeling hollow, empty inside?

Do you wonder how you will ever get out from this place—the place of financial crisis or debt, serious health problems, loss of job or relationship and are paralyzed to know what to do?

Do you feel distant from God and dry inside, but also guilty for being in this place, though you want to feel close to God with all that is in you?

Has the death or loss of someone cut you deeply to the core and the “hurt” just won’t go away?

Do you have a mysterious, out of the box child, that you feel like you fail to reach or know how to relate to most days, most of the time and feel overwhelmed by the needs and demands of this child?

I have felt all of these things and more. And to feel alone without companionship when you find yourself in these storms of life can magnify the pain.

There will always be storms. Rainstorms, snowstorms, sandstorms, hurricanes, endless storms.

And so it is with life—emotional storms, spiritual storms, relational storms, health storms, life storms.

Even now, with an unexpected return to America, unknown details surrounding my hip pain, surgery, issues in my children’s lives, I am in the midst of a very stormy season filled with all sorts of conflicting emotions. Yet, by now, these sorts of storms are familiar and I find my way forward with peace and hope.

My learning curve to handle these pressures of life, though, was high because I had never been taught or trained how to weather them with grace. That is why I wrote Help, I’m Drowning. What if by sharing my feelings, experiences, and the lessons I had to learn could help someone else not feel the effects of the roaring winds of life threaten to blow them over. How could I both sympathize as well as help my fellow storm travelers so that they could find wisdom and grace more quickly and more easily than I had when I journeyed through so much of life alone?

Today, I am officially starting the weeks of launching my newest book, Help, I’m Drowning. I am so excited about my wonderful launch team. (So sorry, it filled up in a very short time, as my publisher limited the numbers I could accept.)

But, I would be so honored if you would consider getting your own copy and share with your friends.

This launch season, my friends, like you, mean so much. As I return home to try to have surgery on my hip, I will be less able to be online, and so I am grateful to have such a wonderful community of friends who always help me keep the messages going.

I hope that the podcasts and the conference about avoiding burn out, and the book will touch many of you and give you grace for your own storms.

Books Referenced in this Podcast:

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Make the Magic Last: 5 Ways to "Date" Your Husband!

Many years ago, Clay and I said the words that would shape the rest of our lives: "Till death do us part."

Marriage is the foundation for all families. Together, you and your husband are partners in writing your family story. Once the honeymoon is over and children become a part of our relationship, we need to be much more intentional about making time for our husbands. After being married for many years, I have learned that as a wife, I must always continue working at our marriage. There will never be a year when it is okay for me to become passive and settled. Whatever is watered will grow--and a marriage will always need to be a priority to keep growing.

As women, we often place very high and unrealistic expectations on our husbands when it comes to romance because of false expectations from movies, media and television. Many years of marriage are very demanding and depleting.  We just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, between ear infections, miscarriages, sleepless nights for years on end, bills, moves, exhaustion, ......you know the routine.

Because women are often isolated in life--no friends as neighbors, no family close by, few kindred spirits--their personal needs build and build. When an exhausted husband walks in the door from work, it is a temptation to expect a husband to meet the needs that God intended a community of family and other women to fulfill. Women really do need the fellowship,compassion and sharing of life with other women in their same situation.

Often, we expect our husband them to be prince charming everyday on top of being a husband, a father, a friend, and a hard worker. While I wanted Clay to be the "leader of the pack,", I realized that it meant  so much to him when I would intentionally cultivate the companionship and close relationship we had before children. Clay so appreciated when I would  plan dates and intentional time. It took a huge weight off of his shoulders.

The tips below are some ideas from our life to give ideas for you to plan intentional time and dates with your husband. They are all budget friendly, and many are free and don't require a babysitter!

5 Ways To Date Your Husband:

1: Dine Al Fresco. It is summer time, and nothing is more romantic than a warm breeze. Save money by cooking something tasty to your husbands preferences and have a date night in the backyard. Set up the ambiance at your patio table, or lay out a picnic blanket on the floor of your living room—wherever you can make a place. Light some candles, let the children watch a short movie you have saved, (Winnie the Pooh saved me many a night!), and enjoy some quality time.

or Recreate Your First Date. This is such a wonderful way to remember falling in love with your husband. If your first date included dinner at an Italian restaurant and a movie to follow, you can recreate that timeless moment at home! Cook up the pasta dish you had on your first date (you could even go online and print out the menu from the restaurant you went to). Rent the movie that you watched, and play it at home after your romantic dinner. You could even include the children in this night as a way to show them your love, and you could tell them the story of how you first met. Involving your children in this memory is wonderful, because it is crucial that your little ones view your marriage as something that is healthy, flourishing, and full of love.

2: Get Out! It has been proven that couples who go for walks together have all around healthier relationships (physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally). Go on a walk at sunset with your husband. Hold hands, talk about your day, and enjoy the peace and quiet. Squeeze his arm! :)

On occasion, even now most Sundays, we ride on a country road near our home in the quiet of the mountains with  our favorite music playing and just enjoy the calm of nature, mountains, meadows--greens and blues. When we lived in big cities, we would take a ride on the metro and just sit and talk!

3: Ask Questions.

In our busy lives with children, work, and a million tasks, we often forget to ask our husbands how they are doing. Set aside a few minutes of intentional time to chat with him. Men like to be strong, and not every guy has the personality to just ramble about everything that crosses their mind (like women do). Ask your husband how he is feeling, what he is excited about, what is overwhelming him, and how you could help.

Avoid topics of conflict or expectations—just listen. There is always time to complain another day.

Clay did not always tell me what was on his mind, but nonetheless he wanted me to care enough to ask and spend the time to open his own pressures and issues.

My mom taught me to wait until the time was right to talk about big issues that might create stress. So often, I would make a tasty meal, light candles and play calming music (most every night), and then after Clay had time to breathe off the stress of the day, I would bring him a cup of tea and just sit and visit. Then, when the atmosphere was clear, I would then bring up the stressful issues of the day. (Much like Esther waiting until after the King had been fed before she asked a request.)

4. Words of Gratefulness or Encouragement: Regularly, intentionally send your husband messages of appreciation, thankfulness for him in your life, words of grace. Remember to include him in the happenings of your busyness so that he feels included. Be patient and give grace. All of us need a good dose of this.

5: Wake Up Early. Sometimes, the only way we can find the time to be intentional is to wake up before all of the other tasks begin. Have a special, quiet, coffee time with your husband. You could even include a devotional in this time, or just take the time to pray together.

Clay does not like to compete with the demands of the kids. He would wait until the early mornings to have a cup of tea or to talk to me about things. Now we either have a short time before dinner where we focus on each other, or a cup of tea in the mornings.

Do life together and remember to honor your husband by making time. Clay likes me to take initiative when it comes to creating intentional time as a couple. It is a grace of a godly woman to cultivate an environment of peace and calm where her husband can feel confident and safe enough to share all the issues of his heart, both insecurities, failures, hopes, dreams and struggles. 

Still, after all these years, and even more, because of our trials we conquered together, my beloved Clay is still "my man." He has endured so much with me. Our story of survival and faith and unconditional love, makes our story all the more precious.