Tea Time Tuesday: Shaping A Culture Of Love

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Tea Time Tuesday

Each of us has a deep longing to be loved, to have our lives validated, to know that we matter and have a purpose—a place to belong. It is a longing in our hearts because God put it there. Our need for this never ends.

God designed, family, mothers the ability to build a strong home culture of love so that these deep needs would be met through roots, strength, security, stability, direction.

Building an environment of love, grace, belonging, so that each child who is welcomed into her home, will sense a wellspring in their hearts that says, "I have a history. I am a Clarkson, we love each other, we belong to each other, we will always have stability because we are a part of this family circle of love."

Shaping a family culture of love takes time, intention, does not just happen by chance. A child who is given a place to build roots, foundations of moral strength, affection, unconditional love, forgiveness, a safe haven in which to grow, can carry stability in their souls their whole lives, and will find the strength to face the trials of life and the challenges.

A child can be given all the experiences and material things the world has to offer, but if his soul is starving, empty or filled with the anger or rejection, even simple passivity (which communicates worthlessness), will have difficulty filling this cavernous hole the rest of his life, will look for love and validation in all the wrong places.

A mother's love and legacy is one of the most powerful influences in the world, will determine the strength, history of a culture. But to provide such a legacy in the lives of our children requires a choice. The choice is to serve, give, train, instruct, provide, and encourage again and again. This choice will have eternal consequences, because the souls of the children raised in such a home will be strong, beautiful, spiritual, healthy and purposefully formed.

Few things will last after we die, but our children and their children will live throughout eternity. What we do as mothers, therefore, has eternal significance.

Today on my podcast I will list 5 ways to cultivate a culture of love.

Reaching For God

For many it seems there is always something out there, just beyond their grasp, that they cannot have but which they believe will fulfill them and make them happy if they could somehow get their hands on it. But they can't, and their failure to do so leaves them feeling anxious, empty, and depleted. And so they live in the shadow of unfulfilled expectations of how their lives could or should be.

Contentedness will not come from being more organized, sleeping longer, being a better wife, keeping a nicer home, using higher-quality materials, taking more time for yourself, or whatever it is you think might help. Contentedness is learned by accepting life each day as God gives it to you, and adjusting your expectations to life's limitations.

Paul said, "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances" (Philippians 4:11). His honest testimony is a forceful reminder to me that contentedness is never a gift or a given, but rather it is a learned condition. It is a fruit of the Spirit's work in my life as I live each day by faith, walking in his power.

It isn't some kind of supernatural salve that I can ask God to apply to my heart but, rather, a learned condition of depending on God. As Paul goes on to say, "I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13).

Read more about this in Seasons Of A Mother’s Heart.

What We Do As Mothers Has Eternal Significance

As a woman who has enjoyed a career of teaching, speaking, counseling, and writing, I have had to make many difficult decisions to cut my career opportunities in order to focus on my family priorities.

However, I have come to realize that embracing God's call to the duties of motherhood doesn't diminish my abilities to use my gifts, strength, and training, but fulfills a part of God's design.

Read more about this in The Mission Of Motherhood.

Tea Time Tuesday: My Mama, My Friend

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Tea Time Tuesday: Aren’t they the cutest?

These are my treasures, my deepest friends. ​If I have any extra time, I want to spend it with them​​ (and Clay)​, talk to them, invest life with them, seek their advice. Though we live far apart, and sometimes I miss them so dearly, I take great pleasure watching them pursue their own stories, find godly destinies where they each give beauty and love back to the world within the context and parameters of their own personalities.

It all started when I held my tiny infant close, looking at those wide opened eyes staring up at me intensely. Then a smile came over her soft little face because my precious one recognized me​ — me!  What a gift. An unexplainable joy filled my emotions. My heart was captured forever by this miraculous little human being.

Eventually, I would be blessed with 4 such treasures named Sarah, Joel, Nathan and Joy. Each one totally unique, individual sparkle, diverse personalities, but all a part of me, my inside self. We explored and ventured through life​ together.​ They caused me to grow less selfish, more understanding of life​ — its limits, its wonders. We experienced life as companions daily. I marveled more at God as I watched Him through their eyes. They made me giggle, amazed me, brought such deep and unexpected pleasure in love, belonging, and I had a “pack," my people,​ where I belonged.  

Over years they grew, strained towards the dreams of life that they would each pursue individually, according to their “bent​.” There were, of course, ups and downs, stretching toward wisdom ​and insight into the vast secrets and dilemmas of life. It called me to give all that I could with ​my whole heart. I did it imperfectly but with intentionality, all that I could muster. But they were loving, accepting, grace-filled little human beings who were ready to love in return ​and forgive. And I was ready to accept their frailty and strengths as well because that is how we rolled.

Join me today on ​m​y podcast to ponder the sweetness of cultivating deep friendship with your children, and learning how to put the duties of life into their proper place.

Evidence Of Living A Faithful Life

Don't ever believe your child isn't noticing how you live and how you interact with them as well as others. They see it all. They make note of our priorities and how we invest our time and resources.

And when they realize they are one of those top priorities and you are choosing to pour into them with time, prayer, teaching, and connection, they get a glimpse of God's love and care for them.

Parenting through the lens of mentoring and discipleship will inspire, train, and stretch us and our children to live into our God-given potential.

Read more about this in Teatime Discipleship.

Cultivating Endurance In Your Child's Heart

This is a fallen world, and your children are guaranteed to meet pain, loneliness, and discouragement as they make their way within it, doubly so if they are pursuing holiness. Every great athlete endures hours of hard work and discipline of the spirit to win the prize, to receive the crown.

In the same way, you can train the hearts and spirits of your children to endure in the face of hardship so they can be like Paul, who “finished the course” to receive “the crown of righteousness” from “the Lord, the righteous Judge” (2 Timothy 4:7-8). You can teach them to run their race in faith, to fight their battles well, and to become heroes in the story of God.

Read more about this in 10 Gifts of Heart.

Tea Time Tuesday: Standing Firm in A Constantly Shifting Culture

Click here to play today’s new podcast episode.

Tea Time Tuesday

Accidentally, providentially, I have read 14 books in the last two years about World War II. Sprinkled among these were other historical novels, biographies, Bible stories of the same kinds of tales. It wasn’t intentional, but when a book kept being recommended to me, I would choose it to read. Many of them were oriented around wars. Most of the books were filled with tragic stories, suffering, evil leaders, sorrow, devastation.

Oddly, the overall effect on my heart was to deepen my understanding, acceptance in the deepest part of my heart, that there has been difficulty through all times. The devastation we see in many parts of the world, in fires, hurricanes, illnesses, faith issues, all point to emotional and spiritual devastation. And yet, Jesus forewarned of such a world, this is the time and place where we can show His strength, love, reality. We were born for such a time as this.

When we understand and accept that the world is indeed fallen and creates all sorts of chaos, we can better prepare ourselves to become warriors of light, goodness in difficult times. Jesus clearly prepared His disciples for this reality. He said, “In this world you have tribulation.” His next words told us what to do: “But take courage.” This is what our response to turmoil should be — to take courage. His last words, “I have overcome the world.” He is the reason we can take courage.

As I was sharing my ponderings with Clay, he said, “Have you studied the concept of ‘Stand Firm’ in scripture? It is throughout the Bible and informs us how to take courage, to live by faith, to bring light into the world at this moment. We can stand firm in our faith, in our convictions, in our relationships. I see now that my children, as adults, needed this lesson in childhood to keep them flourishing and strong during the challenges of their adult lives.

Join me today on my podcast to be inspired to stand strong in this time in history. Also hear about crab cakes, Tolkien, and more.

The Joy Set Before Us

He gently broke my dependence on those things that could never satisfy. The choice to hold his hand through the dance of suffering resulted in greater emotional freedom. I learned to let go of temporal things more quickly, and the joy of just living and being with him through moments of my days became more real.

As I have made time to search after joy, I have been able to remember all of the joyful paths he has already led me down, and again I am learning to savor each moment as one in which I can learn, grow, and love him more.

God has stepped into this world, into our lives, to assure us that we really can follow Jesus in enduring suffering for "the joy set before us," being in heaven with our Creator, our Father.

Read more about this in Dancing With My Heavenly Father.

Growing Strong In Marriage

At this stage of my life, I look back and see the preciousness of the dance Clay and I have choreographed with our lives, choices, and commitments. It has given both of us great joy and deep satisfaction.

We have only felt this sweet reward because we determined we would endure together with a focus on growing in the direction of unity, humility, sacrifice, and unconditional love.

To grow strong in marriage takes a mutual commitment by both partners to keep going, to keep learning, to keep loving, to stay faithful through all the seasons. How wise God was to provide such a design of two persons working out their own story by faith and with love.

Read more about this in Well Lived.

What I Remember Most

So often we get caught up in the immediate things, the practical tasks — getting the housework done, doing our jobs, checking homework, paying bills, disciplining our children. Yet it is the emotional and spiritual ­ atmosphere our children and friends breathe — the way we treat people, the foundations of grace we live by, that will attach their hearts to ours and ultimately to God.

As I reflect back on all of the years of our family’s life together, what I remember best is not the mountains of dirty dishes and pots and pans and socks left on the floor and piles of laundry. I reflect instead on precious times shared with Clay, the kids, and those we welcomed into our home — snuggling on the couch together, nursing babies and rocking them to sleep, sharing movies and huge bowls of popcorn, comforting children after a nightmare, and all those heartfelt kisses and cards that said “I love you!”

Read more about this in The Lifegiving Home.