Tea Time Tuesday: Living Well Through Seasons Of Life

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“In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.” 
― Albert Camus

What a special time to be in Oxford, my beloved city. I even just ran into friends as I was walking through the cobbled streets of town. I’ll add some personal things to the podcast so you can know a little about my time there. 

Lately, in Oxford, I have been pondering the seasons of life.

I have been through almost all of them as a mom. It made me ponder what lessons I have learned. I am happy to answer specific questions you might have on the seasons with some special podcasts. Please let me know what subjects you would like covered.

There were many times in my life when I would feel, “I don’t think I will make it through this season. I am not strong enough. I don’t feel like I can make it.”

But then I would make it and come out of the season into another. But as I look back now, I realize that seasons—singleness, marriage, parenting, birthing, raising children, growing older, are all seasons of life that we pass through. God even built seasons into nature as a picture to us that mirrors our real lives.

Spring, a time of renewal and rebirth.

Summer, a time of planting and growing.

Fall, a time of closing and change.

Winter, a time of cold, barrens, roots going deep, appearance that all is gone when in actuality, deep growth is taking place.

Hope it encourages you today.

But remember, whatever season you find yourself in is eventually going to pass. But God is aware of your season and He will give you wisdom, strength, grace to walk through the seasons with Him by your side to provide you with insight and understanding into the ways he is working in the world.

What season are you in right now? I pray you will find hope wherever you find yourself. Praying for you all.

Directing Our Eyes To The Wonders Of God

God is more powerful, mysterious, and wonderful than we can ever imagine. He cannot be contained by our thoughts or definitions and is in a sense wild and untamable and bigger than we are in every way.

And yet he is also a God who goes to great lengths to reveal himself to us, to remind us that he is present in all the minutes of our lives. If we have eyes to see and ears to hear, the evidence of his power and presence is all around us.

And those moments when we see him revealed teaches us so much. Even in the darkest moments of our own small lives, he gives us reason to trust him, to anticipate the miraculous, to dream of resurrection life and the hope it brings.

Read more about this in The Ministry of Motherhood.

Hope Is Not Just Wishful Thinking

The God-given gift of hope is the best possible medicine for any hardship in life.

My hope says that I am willing to wait on God's timing, God's way and God's will with a belief that I will look back and be amazed at the ways He showed his faithfulness.

My hope is what carried me through health issues, struggles in my family, going five years without a salary, and so much more.

Hope is the physician of each misery, and God has given us this gift to heal us from our pasts so that we may have a future that is full of joy and light.

The Essence Of Home

Whether single or married, parent or childless, student, missionary, working away from home, traveling as a way of life, or in between places while being transferred—anyone can “make home” amidst the ever-changing circumstances of life. But it won’t just happen by accident.

The essence of home, you see, is not necessarily a structure. What makes a home is the life shared there, wherever that may be. And cultivating the life of home requires intentionality, planning, and design. There must be someone (or several someones) to craft the life, the beauty, the love, and the inspiration that overflows from that place.

Read more about this in The Lifegiving Home.

Our World Indeed Needs A Savior

Darkness has invaded all of our lives far more often than we would like or expect. When news of another tragedy explodes over social media or the news, we feel sorrowful and angry, and sometimes afraid and confused. Our children, of course, experience all of this too.

While we tend to our own spirits in such difficult times, we mamas must remember we are the ones who also tenderly hold the hearts of our own children.

Children are made to be innocent, to believe in mystery, to be good and pure of heart. The longer we can keep them in this place of storing up hope, believing in miracles and light and courage and redemption, the better. As parents, we are meant to be guardians, to protect our children as much as possible from all that is evil or wicked, so they have time to grow to be strong.

Read more about this in Mom Heart Moments.

Tea Time Tuesday: Practicing Living By Faith

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Last week, I got my “travel” cut that takes me through stormy weather, rain, snow, wind as I board planes, trains, subways and work and play over seas. As I prepare for my next trip, I have been reviewing the journey of faith that opened doors to these opportunities through decades of my life. These are some of the messages I hope to record in messages I hope to record in the year ahead as a part of a leadership training course.

Here is part of my children’s back story.

Rounded eyes filling up with tears and a hoarse whisper made me pay attention.

"Mama, can I speak with you alone?"

Finally, I had a quiet moment to speak with my child much too late in the night.

"Mama, I don't know if I believe in God any more. I am trying believe because of everything you have taught me, but I have so many doubts, fears, questions and I wonder if God ever listens to my prayers.”

Almost 13, I knew that as a budding young adult, the darkness of the world and several very difficult personal issues had confronted my sweet, here-to-fore innocent child.

All four of our children voiced the doubts that haunted them in the midst of their foraying into contemporary culture. The doubts came individually to each of our children over time. There is a process of discipleship that had to take place in the midst to help them keep going. As I look back over the years, by standing with them through challenging times, telling them that God was big enough to handle their doubts, loving them when they were easy to love and when they were thorny, God graciously allowed us to help our children keep walking, keep choosing to believe, though all have walked through seasons of darkness. Believing forward in their lives, speaking into their great worth to God, giving them a sense that each choice of faith matters was the mantra of our voices in their lives.

At least for the moment we see them making choices to follow. And so Clay and I continue to pursue them as faithfully as we are able.

God had his prodigals and He was a perfect Father. Yet, a picture of God throughout all of scripture is a faithful, constant Father, lovingly pursuing His children, seeking them, dying for them, teaching them, calling out to them to follow Him, love Him and wait for His coming at the end of the age.

How important it is for us to remember and understand that Satan was casting shadow on God's character and casting doubts about God's trustworthiness from the beginning of the creation of man. It is not because you are a bad or inadequate parent that your children doubt God and Christianity, but instead it is a profound part of our battle.

"Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." I Pet. 5:8

With the world falling apart at the seams, we need to give our children (and ourselves), strong foundations of faith. Cultivating understanding, belief and trust in God are the most important priority of our lives to be faithful to build. All of the other accomplishments in life are second to passing on faith. The wonderful news is that we have an advocate, the Holy Spirit, God Himself, who cares even more that our children can grow and come to belief. You are not alone.

"So faith comes from hearing, and hearing by the word of Christ." Romans 10:17

All of our lives, if we are believers, our goal is to relate to God, His purposes, His plans, His personal love and involvement and love for us, and His faithfulness to us,  no matter what assails us in our lives. It is our glory to walk with Him every day until we see Him face to face.

So often, I see younger women fretting about educational issues and worldly accomplishments in the lives of their children. Focusing on the temporal and being distracted by daily duties can take our eyes off the fact that the battleground for life is for hearts and souls coming to God and holding fast to him. It is the issues of faith that need our fervent attention. The world that my own adult children have entered is a world filled daily with temptations and discouragement and challenges. I see so much how tending to their hearts and souls while they were children in my home has given them strength and fortitude to face the obstacles in their lives that come every day.

When they are confronted by such serious issues, they need to have the voice of truth speaking to them from all that they have stored up in the recesses of their hearts and minds.

The most profound gift parents can give to their children is a true, heart-felt, foundational wisdom of faith that will carry them through all the seasons of their lives.

"And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him." Hebrews 11:6

As I reflect on the ways we built such a faith into the lives of our children, so that, by God's grace, up to this point, they have held fast to their love and faith in God, was based on 3 aspects of faith.

1. All children and adults need to have a basic knowledge of the corpus of faith from Genesis to Revelation. I am basically talking about an overview of scripture: The overall story of God as found in His word as well as the stories of those who walked with God to give them a pattern of faith. Reading the Bible and teaching the stories is over a long period of time — at least 18 years — so do not feel you need to tackle the whole Bible in one year. Little by little building your own knowledge as you build your children's knowledge.

2. Modeling the action of faith and teaching the footsteps of faith at each juncture of life is essential for believers to learn what is looks like to live everyday through the pathways of life, trusting God. For instance, when a trial occurs (illness, financial issues, relational issues, etc) the way a parent responds to God in faith is how a child will learn to live by faith. If a parent says, "Our God has promised to meet our needs, so lets ask Him to give us wisdom in knowing how to approach this situation." And then if the parent moves forward by trusting God and not complaining or whining then the child learns that trusting God is real in personal moments from watching an older wiser person live in the reality of God's presence amidst life every day. (Part of you cultivating faith is finding people that give you a model of what faith in the midst of trials looks like — or gathering mentors through books as I did.)

3. Finally, there is one last aspect of faith that is necessary for our growth. All of us need to understand that faith is an action that moves us forward in taking risks to see God move supernaturally through our lives to bring His light and kingdom to bear. If a parent tells a child to live by faith by taking his light to the world, then the parent should be one who starts a Bible study by inviting people to their home, or serving at homeless/refugee shelters/teaching a children's class at church, etc. Faith moves a person to act for love of God. In order for us to have the reward of our faith, by seeing Him work, we must step out to trust God by reaching out to a lost world. It is in a ministry life that we sense the presence, wisdom and blessing of God upon our lives and better understand His sacrifice. In giving, we receive — but faith is the energy that takes us to this active, engaging life with God.

Precious ones who are reading this, I want you to know that I understand that your road with motherhood is so often exhausting and tiring. I am spending special time tomorrow praying for you to know the sweet love and peace of our God and to be encouraged in knowing that you are not alone and that what you are doing is of eternal importance.

May you be blessed and blessed with truth and grace today.

Being Aware Of Your Need For God

The situation for each one might be different: a broken marriage, a prodigal or otherwise seemingly impossible child, financial issues, loneliness, failure, deep soul wounds and rejection at the hands of those who should have loved us, broken dreams.

Whatever the situation, we feel alone, unnoticed, helpless. Of course, this is just the place where God can teach us to rely on Him completely. He so desires to be the One who fulfills our greatest longings. He wants us to know His voice of guidance, purpose, love, and mercy.

Read more about this in Mom Heart Moments.

Tea Time Tuesday: Practicing Biblical Friendship

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"Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends." -John 15:13

We were made to do life in community, with friends side by side as Jesus was to His disciples. Someone to listen to our thoughts, pain, guilt, dreams. Someone to companion us through all circumstances of life and to love us in spite of our differences.

A profoundly important attribute of Jesus was his friendship to His beloved band of followers. We are the first example of friendship to our children.

We were never meant, or expected, to do life alone. Friendship teaches us how to become an invitation of love to others in everyday life, and how to teach our children to be a friend throughout life.

Cultivating a heart for friendship lays a foundation that will serve our children (and you!) the rest of your life. One of the deepest blessings of my life at this stage is the very close, intimate, inspiring, fun friendships I have with my now adult children. But, of course, as with everything else, it took years of heart-work. After all, we invested years and years in one another's lives.

I pondered what would build strong friendships with my children when they were quite small. What principles build friendship?

1. Time and Availability. Whatever the age, children develop better when they know we will make our time together a priority. People grow close not through monitoring one another’s behavior but by working together, playing together, talking together, celebrating together, weeping together. Relationships develop when people are there for each other—and that’s as true for parents and children as it is for anyone else.

2. Acceptance and Unconditional Love. In building meaningful relationships with my children, I must learn to accept unconditionally the person God made each of them to be—even with personality traits that differ from mine or that make me uncomfortable. I need to accept the “warts” and irritating characteristics that may never change. I have to love my children with a mature commitment that reaches past my feelings for them, which can change from circumstance to circumstance.

3. Affirmation and Encouragement. I believe most children, (and adults) are acutely aware of their limitations and their failures. While they might need correction for their mistakes and or even confrontation for their sinful selfishness, they also need recognition for their real efforts and accomplishments and positive reminders of who they can be with God’s help. And sometimes we need to remember, "It is to a man's honor to overlook a sin."

4. Grace. Our children need us to give them the grace to grow. If we make them think that we expect perfection, then eventually they may give up trying to please us, because they know they will always fail, or they may spend their whole lives feeling guilty for their failures. And sometimes when life has too many rules, as teens, our children will quit telling us the truth of what they are doing for fear we won't understand or will condemn them. (We cannot live by fear.)

5. Relationship Training. We need to consciously train our children in the skills and attitudes that will enable them to sustain positive relationships. A person can only experience true intimacy when his heart has been deepened and exercised in real love and commitment. Practice in manners and speech and gracious behavior comes over a lifetime of cultivating this day in and day out. This is taken from  Mission of Motherhood by me!)

Friendship is not frivolous but essential to our emotional, spiritual and physical well being. Solomon, the wisest man in the world, wrote this.

two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:

If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

We were made for companionship, community, close friendship. We are happier deep down, flourish more, grow stronger in every way when we have a close friend standing with us in life.

Work is better with a friend, helping one another up from a fall, keeping warm, defending against an enemy.

He also said, “A friend loves at all times.” Proverbs 17:17—when it is convenient, when it is not.

Jesus made very clear that friendship, laying down a life for a friend, was the centerpiece for passing on the knowledge and love of God from one generation to another. It is why he chose his disciples and modeled to us what love and influence looks like. Seeking godly friends, building this kind of community is holy work.

“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” — Marcel Proust 

What Makes A Table Lifegiving?

The table is a vehicle for spiritual influence, godly mentoring, true connection of hearts and minds. And that can happen anywhere, but it will not happen by accident. We must be prayerful and intentional about preparing for the table, then reaching out, encouraging, teaching, showing interest through our questions, teaching, loving as we enjoy meals, coffee, tea, or a snack with others every day, every year, all the time.

It starts with developing a lifegiving self-image, seeing ourselves as mentors and ministers. We are not just cooks and servers and fellow diners. Instead, we are called and commissioned to be the hands of God’s love to those He brings our way, the voice of God’s words in our messages and conversations, the touch of God’s love in initiating friendship and seizing the moments given to us each day.

From The Lifegiving Table.

Your Children Will Follow Your Example

God has entrusted to you the stewardship of your home and children. You are called to subdue your home domain—to bring life, joy, and beauty to every part of it by doing all the work that is required to care for the place you call home and the people you call family. It is sacred work for sacred people—a holy responsibility and an offering you make to God.

God has made you the working model for your children. Little eyes are watching and little ears listening to how mama handles the tasks that each new day brings. If you complain every night about washing the dishes, your children will adopt your attitude. If you resent the work others create that you must do, your little ones will feel free to resent their duties.

However, if you have an attitude of pride and joy in caring for your home, your children will follow your example. You will help shape them into independent workers with a self-perception that says, “This is my room and my house, and I want to help keep all of it clean and nice.”

Read more about this in 10 Gifts of Heart.