Tea Time Tuesday: Heart Felt Discipline

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I became a mother over 40 years ago. I was quite inexperienced with children so as my children began to grow, I was looking for a magical formula to train and discipline my children. In my era, almost everyone I knew believed in a prescriptive philosophy. Physical discipline was most popular. It did not sit well with Clay and me. So many philosophies were prescriptive with formulas for every child, every situation, starting with babies.

My husband, Clay, an honors seminary graduate, began digging into scripture to get the heart of God as He entrusted children and their lifetime training and love into our hands. In April of 2003, he released his book, Heartfelt Discipline, with the most beautiful study of reaching the hearts of children, giving them a vision for the life of relationships, faith, character, values through personal relationship, love and biblical training. (Have I told you that I think Clay is one of the most gifted, insightful writers I know?!)

Studying the life of Christ, the ways He instructed and inspired his own disciples and His messages influenced us and gave us a vision about how to implement His values and messages into our own disciples, our children.

Over the years, we have received countless thousands of comments, letters, emails from people all over the world saying that this book was a life-changer for them, a light into shaping the hears, faith and behavior of their children.

Lately, after 23 years of being in the world we have begun to see a surge of interest in this book—many people asking us to podcast about it. So, here we are with a very short explanation of a big and broad philosophy. I hope it encourages you.

God bless you with grace and abundant love today for your own sweet ones. Be sure to listen to my podcast, Life with Sally, today.

You Can Create A Lifegiving Home

We are all capable of creating a lasting legacy in the form of a home that gives life to others who come under its roof.

A home that serves all who enter.

A home that reflects our own tastes and the values we treasure.

A home that meets the needs of family and visitors alike, that fosters beauty and creativity.

A home where the atmosphere, traditions, and celebrations give life to the hearts, minds, and souls of those inside its walls.

A home that provides a lifegiving legacy that will last for generations to come.

I believe God has designed us to do just that.

Wherever you are, you can create a lifegiving home that will become a significant part of your family’s story.

Read more about this in The Lifegiving Home.

What Makes A Table Lifegiving?

It starts with developing a lifegiving self-image, seeing ourselves as mentors and ministers. We are not just cooks and servers and fellow diners.

Instead, we are called and commissioned to be the hands of God’s love to those He brings our way, the voice of God’s words in our messages and conversations, the touch of God’s love in initiating friendship and seizing the moments given to us each day.

Every coffee shop, café, restaurant, dorm room bed, cup of tea, smoothie, or hot chocolate can become a place where hearts and minds meet when we see ourselves that way and train ourselves to look for opportunities to mentor and minister.

Read more about this in The Lifegiving Table.

Tea Time Tuesday: Why Does Character Matter?

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"Good character is not formed in a week or a month. It is created little by little, day by day. Protracted and patient effort is needed to develop good character." Heraticlus of Ephesus

Table talk had become a long standing habit for meals.

As per Clarkson values, someone started a discussion. This night it was about cultivating personal character and morality. I plunged into the conversation, "What has kept each of you committed to moral purity, even in the midst of living in very post modern places?"

The conversation took twists, turns, loudness of voice as they told stories of friends, shared convictions, and pontificated a bit. (The culture of eating meals together regularly!)

"Why do many capitulate to the cultural standard even though raised in Christian homes?" became a focus of the topic.

SELF-GOVERNMENT--PRINCIPLES OF OWNING OUR OWN LIVES OF EXCELLENCE was the line repeated by all of the kids. And then they chimed in together,

"I CANNOT MAKE YOU HOLY. I CANNOT MAKE YOU CHOOSE TO BE EXCELLENT. YOU HAVE A WILL AND YOU HAVE TO DECIDE IN YOUR HEART WHAT KIND OF PERSON YOU WANT TO BE. WHEN YOU DECIDE TO OBEY AND CHOOSE TO BE HOLY, YOU WILL BE BUILDING A CHARACTER FOR YOURSELF THAT WILL SERVE YOU THE REST OF YOUR LIFE."

The idea of self-government, ruling over life, being a steward of what had been given and taught was the goal.

Often we try to moralize their children—rule based. Moral ideals, principles must be taught.

Yet, teaching must reach the heart to inspire a vision, self image. It creates the environment in hearts, minds and souls of children to wanting to be a hero, learning to live by truth, goodness, wisdom in daily moments of life.

Training our children to commit to godly character happened day in day out, correction, instruction, taking time, learning to be gracious in relationships, working hard to complete a task, years of training in the midst of normal life circumstances.

There is no guarantee our children will choose our ideals. Cultivating a virtuous character requires investment of time, patience. Our character determines our life choices. Join me on my podcast for more.

Women Are Made To Be Civilizers

The magnificence of God’s imprint on women is that they are made to be civilizers in their worlds. Their capacity to educate, inspire, teach, and counsel is ­ God ordained and directly tied to the pursuit of wisdom: “The beginning of wisdom is: Acquire wisdom; and with all your acquiring, get understanding” (Proverbs 4:7).

When a woman acquires stores of wisdom and understanding, she is a source of strength, security, and common sense to others who want to live shrewdly. It is a glory and a praise to women when they choose to exercise this capacity.

Read more about this in Own Your Life.

Cultivating A Real Live Relationship With God

It takes engaging with Him in the privacy of your own room, all alone, believing He hears, and living through years of seeing His faithfulness.

It is a real live ­relationship— exciting, mysterious, an adventure. To be close to His heart will always bring confidence, peace, and security.

Have you spent enough time with God lately to feel you truly are growing to know Him more and more? Think about how you might build your relationship today.

Read more about this in Mom Heart Moments.

If Only We Could See: Lilias Trotter

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I love historical biographies that inspire, give me a model of faith I can learn from, have full-bodied Christian women who call me to my best self and stay with me for decades. Lilias Trotter has been a favorite Victorian role model for me for quite a while.

It just happens, a very dear friend of mine just released an excellent, soul-filling book about her life. It is great to have a summer time read, just for fun and encouragement that I can savor. This is such a book.

Jennifer Trafton is the author and the book is called If Only We Could See: Reimagining Creativity, Compassion, and Calling Through the Extraordinary Life of Lilias Trotter.

I think you will greatly enjoy it. Hear our conversation about her life on my podcast.

The Eternal Reward To Parenting

"But there is also an eternal reward to parenting. Through your children, God has given you the privilege of passing on your faith and the truth of Scripture to future generations.

When you reach your heavenly home and stand before God, He will be waiting to show you the generations after you that will find His path to their eternal home with Him because of what you did for your children. God’s reward will be His, 'Well done!'"

(From Heartfelt Discipline by Clay Clarkson)

Children Were Endowed With Amazing Capacity

If you take the time to mentor your children, love them well, speak into their lives, give them a spiritually rich atmosphere, they will indeed surprise you. My children have all grown far beyond my expectations. That resulted out of their own personal direction and choice.

But I learned more clearly that children are the most valuable resource of any country in all of history, and their capacity to excel, to create, to accomplish is vast because they were endowed with amazing capacity in their hearts, souls, and minds.

From Awaking Wonder.

Tea Time Tuesday: Words Have the Power to Give Life

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“The Lord GOD has given Me the tongue of disciples, That I may know how to sustain the weary one with a word. He awakens Me morning by morning, He awakens My ear to listen as a disciple.” -Isaiah 50:4

Words have the power of life and death, so James tells us.

Yesterday a sweet friend sent me an email and she told me how much she valued my friendship. Words of love and appreciation followed, and how much encouragement and vision I had provided in her life and an example for her to follow.

My whole day was changed. She spoke hope into my life. I felt more adequate for what she had taken the time to plant in my mind and soul.

Scripture tells us that a good word at the right time is of great value:

“A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.” Proverbs 25:11

Words give hope to the discouraged. I was talking to one of my children who is struggling with jobs and finances and I invested words of affirmation, exhortation, believing in this child's abilities, seeing God grow character through the trials, saying how proud I was.

Words like:

I believe in you.

You are such a dear friend to me.

Your integrity has been such a model for me to follow.

I love you for going to work every day and serving me and the kids so diligently. You are a wonderful provider.

I love who God has made you.

I appreciate your faithful heart and the ability to keep going even in hard times.

I love you for knowing me and still loving me, a rare trait unconditional love!

Our children need a treasure chest full of our good words to draw from in challenging times. Our words literally build their garden of their soul.

Two days ago, I talked to one of my children, quite discouraged by months and months of an uphill climb in this challenging life. I intentionally poured out scripture, love, affirmation, exhortation, belief in God working even as we waited, and love to this child. Today, another phone call came. Seems the words set this child to pondering God's life's work and dreams and plans for this one, and consequently, this child was greatly encouraged to trust God for life's challenges—dreaming dreams of world changing again. Words are there—as the proverb says—aptly, at the right time, to do their work.

Words are created to be a spring of life by the Word of Life, Jesus, who uses people with real bodies to give His own encouragement through the life pouring out from our hearts as a result from being with Him.

Words can also devastate and kill. Words that should never be uttered out-loud. Words stick in the soul of children, a husband, friends, Christians, non-believers. Words can spread hurtful gossip, hate, bitterness—it sets aflame all sorts of contention. Controlling our words is an amazing work of the Holy Spirit.

Often, when I would feel lonely or discouraged in my own life, I would choose 5 people that I loved and appreciated and write them a note or email telling them of their great worth in my own life. I found that when I sowed words of life and love, my own heart would always become encouraged. Kind of like choosing to begin making a list of all I have to be thankful for, makes my heart grateful.

Who needs you to write them a note of life-giving words today? Who needs to hear your words of love and encouragement in person or on the phone? Who are the five people that God could use you today to give them just what they didn't even know they needed, but would change the course of their day?

Words must also be initiated to be useful. It is no good just thinking appreciation. Words are water to thirsty souls, food to hungry hearts. May we pour out a flood of great words today and see the lives of people who need to hear God's voice, be changed by the grace that He uses through us to give to them who are longing for a touch from His Spirit.