Tea Time Tuesday: Forgiving And Covering An Offense

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“So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.” -Colossians 3:12-13

All of us make mistakes. We lose our temper. We are selfish and want the best or biggest piece of cake. We become angry over petty issues. We break someone else's toy.

No matter how hard any of us try, we will always always make mistakes and eventually fall short of someone's expectations and disappoint those who love us.

That is why forgiveness is so very essential to the message of Christ. We are those who love the best because we are those who give the most grace, and have been given the most grace. As we love Christ, He leads us to give grace and forgive.

In a world where culture gives us every kind of excuse to quit relationships, to hold a grudge, to become a victim of a difficult life, to gossip, to criticize, the practice of forgiveness stands out like a beacon of light for a defense of Christianity. 

It is not logical to forgive someone who has offended us, but it is supernatural — it can only come from walking in the power of the Holy Spirit. Yet, forgiveness and humility was constantly on the heart of Jesus.

Peter wanted to quantify forgiveness, like we all desire to do! He was willing to be noble and forgive someone, but after all, he thought there surely must be a limit! Perhaps 7 is the number we should forgive, Lord? He asked with a self-justifying heart.

No, Jesus said. 70 times 7 — in other words, you must forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive…

Forgiving another person who has hurt us, damaged our reputation, who has continually been mean spirited or abused us in some way is one of the most difficult practices to exercise. All of us have been deeply hurt. It is natural to want to take revenge, or even to justify our own position and way of looking at an offense to justify lack of forgiveness.

Yet, it is the way of Jesus — the supernatural way of the Spirit in our lives to extend forgiveness and unconditional love.

"While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us," we read in Romans 8.

“He who knew no sin became sin on our behalf.” in II Cor. 5:21

To truly understand Jesus, to worship Him from a grateful heart, requires that we learn to forgive and even to barely take offense when wronged. Bowing our knee and our will to actually forgive someone and expect nothing in return is not natural but supernatural. 

Jesus said that if someone hit us, we should offer him the other cheek. He told stories about forgiveness — the judge who forgave a very large debt of a man, who was not willing to forgive another man a small debt owed him.

In II Timothy 2:24, Paul admonished us:

"The Lord's bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged."

If we want our children to consider marriage sacred then we must behave as though it is sacred and forgive one another when wronged. Same with family members, neighbors, fellow believers in church, neighbors, everyone.

Forgiveness is the essence of God's heart. It compelled Him to die for us.

So, if we want to give our children a secret to living a life of love, we must teach them this Family Way. If we want our children to be godly leaders in this world, they must see self-sacrificing, humble forgiveness in and through our words, our lives and our actions.

One of the most important values I have come to understand from being a mama, is that when I take responsibility for the shaping of my children's hearts, to teach them truth, I have had to become more godly in order to teach them these life-changing truths.

And so, as we approach this week's way, let us understand that helping our children practice forgiveness over and over again, will establish a pattern in their hearts to remember when they must make this choice as adults. Train up a child in the way he should go — in forgiving 70 X 70 X70 and so on, and forgiveness will become a part of his paradigm for life. If we all loved this way and forgave, the world would indeed become a place open to the heart and message of Christ.

And so today, as you take this into your own heart, remember, that without forgiveness as a way of life in your home, your words about the death of Jesus and His sacrifice may become hollow, if forgiveness is not the rule of your own heart and home.

May God give each of us grace to become stronger and stronger at forgiving and extending love more every day. I think I will perfect this when I am 75! But at least I am working on it!

Righteousness Is Learned Where No One Can See

My most important ministry would unfold one obedient moment after another as I learned to love and understand and serve those who were closest to me. One of my family members would push my buttons. And I would have to overcome my feelings and practice giving patient answers, to give up my rights one more time.

But learning to create this kind of atmosphere took me years to grow into, seasons to practice. People do not have needs at convenient times, but at the most inopportune moments. So I had to stretch muscles of patience, endurance, sympathy, and compassion day after day to make our home a source of comfort and encouragement to my family, our depressed friends, and myself as well.

Read more about this in Different.

Tea Time Tuesday: Harvesting Godly Character

Rembrandt, Jacob blessing the children of Joseph, 1656

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“Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.” —Aristotle

The above painting is of Jacob blessing Joseph’s children.

Rembrandt became a master of light and detailed painter, exquisite faces by training, practice, and years and years of painting, over and over and over again — practice. And so it is with any craft, skill, degree or accomplishment.

However, it is also true of character and a Christian testimony.

The character that is habituated to improving, developing integrity by practice, stretching to work hard, to do the best, to exceed expectations comes from daily practice and personal integrity.

This comes from an inner grid, the way one learns to see life, expects himself to live. We called this "self-government," when we trained excellence of character into the very fiber of our children's souls.

Holiness is to be set aside for God’s purposes. If our goal is to become like Christ, little by little, every day by seeking to please Him, growing  in the direction of righteousness because of obedience, seeking to understand Him, His instruction, His ways.

It has made me realize, again, that I would so love to help encourage, inspire, train women to own their lives by learning how to establish foundations of these important convictions in their lives snd the lives of their own children.

"As a man sows, so shall he reap." (Galatians 6:7)

Excellence and integrity is a personal issue. One can only become this way through a personal commitment, a vision of oneself, and a decision that says,

"Regardless of what is happening around me, I will be the best I can be, work the hardest I am able, pursue the highest standards — especially for my personal life where no one but God sees — because I have been bought with a price and have His Holy Spirit residing within. So my worship of Him requires that I pursue the standard of His Holiness as an affirmation of His reality in my life."


Join me in my new podcast series about Godly character.

Winter Is A Time To Look For Signs Of Life

For all the darkness I may associate with winter, I have discovered that the winter seasons of my life can also be times of peace and even quiet rest, if I will let them be. A winter season can force me to slow down, reflect on life, wait on God, and trust him.

Winter is a time to diligently and faithfully store up his word in my spirit, drink deeply of his goodness and mercy, and keep the fires of hope alive in my heart.

It is a time to stop and reflect on how my life is different because I am God's child, to consider what is most important in my life with him—my husband, my children, my family, my friends.

It is a time to look for signs of life.

Read more about this in Seasons Of A Mother’s Heart.

Motherhood Is Not About Now

Children who have such a "shepherd" in their homes to oversee, provide for, direct, and protect the life of the home will benefit profoundly. By embracing our call to home-making, we are ensuring that these life centers are thriving and well.

The strong and secure future we help to build for our children is laid by the hundreds of small deeds we do every day as we serve faithfully in our homes. Yet the great value of our service will be felt for generations to come and throughout eternity.

Read more about this in The Mission Of Motherhood.

Tea Time Tuesday: Cultivating A Heart For God's Goodness

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“Behold, Thou dost desire truth in the innermost being, And in the hidden part, Thou will make me know wisdom." Psalm 51:6

If someone could see the inside of your soul, the pathways of your thoughts, the flow of your worship, the landscape of your thoughts and attitudes, what would it look like? Would it hold beauty or ugliness?

A beautiful soul is cultivated and crafted over time by the elements that surround it and that pour into its inner chamber. One lives and pours out words, behavior, attitudes, goodness or evil from what is dwelling inside its borders.

In the same way that if one fills a pitcher with lemonade, and lemonade pours forth, so one must be careful to fill one's soul with all that is beautiful, true, lovely. When my children were small, I always thought about the verse:

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Phil. 4:8

I sought to fill the moments of our days with all that was beautiful, inspiring, noble, lovely, good, excellent. Exercising vigilance to pick out stories and books that would inspire; seeking to protect my children from insipid, empty, dark, sarcastic, or shallow books, media, people was constant. I knew that I was laying a foundation for life. I wanted them to have such a vast amount of truth, beauty, love and goodness stored up in the deep vestiges of their souls, that they would draw from the wealth of true beauty the rest of their lives.

Such investment requires purposeful planning and active engaging in each moment of their lives. How blessed I have been to see that what I invested has reaped rewards.

My concern, today, is that many young moms, exposed to contemporary culture, don't even have a model or understanding of what is good. Christianity is mediocre and weak and insipid because the souls of believers are as empty, shallow and contaminated as the fallen culture that surrounds us. One cannot watch garbage and violence and adultery and not be effected. One cannot feed on what is shallow and not become shallow.

In the same way that cancer and diabetes are growing rapidly and devastating many lives because of the intake of what is unhealthy in our foods, products and environment, so our souls will die and become ill and infected if they are always surrounded by garbage, pollutants, contaminants.

One cannot pass on what one does not himself have, and so if we want to pass on health and beauty and goodness, then we ourselves must discipline ourselves to invest and pour into our minds and souls truth from scripture, seek out wise people, read great books and thoughts as well as protect our souls from all that is base.

Media is on occasion used for good, but it is mostly a wasteland of mind-death and soul-killing touting chaotic cultural values.

And so, as I ponder what I want to become more of this year, I must take seriously the cultivating of my own soul, so that when others come to draw from me, they are drawing from Him, because I have invested time in Him, His word, His wisdom, His truth and His ways. I am working on my own personal goals to choose how I will use my time, this year, to insure that I am growing in all the elements that are beautiful, true, wise, good, lovely, and I am seeking to guard my heart (and my soul).

"Above all else, guard your heart for it is the well spring of life." Proverbs 4:23

Seek out a time to get alone, away and consider how you would like to grow this year.

Evaluate what are the good habits and what are the bad habits that you practice and how they influence your soul, and your heart and consequently, your worship of God, as we are commanded to worship Him in our minds.

Make a plan of how you will grow in wisdom, beauty and truth this year. What will you read? When will you have a quiet time? What do you need to stop doing?

Make a plan for all the ways you will pour beauty, goodness, wisdom and truth into your children this year. What books and stories will you read to them? When will you have devotionals with them? How do you need to change to reflect love and graciousness to them so that they will form their relationship habits on gentleness and generous love?

God’s goodness is mentioned over 110 times in scripture.

The Lord is good to all, and His tender mercies are over all His works. Psalm 145:9

I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Psalm 27:13

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Psalm 23:6

Every once in a while, I spontaneously take a photo of myself, whatever I am doing, to send to my grandchildren. You see, they are always on my mind, in my thoughts. I want them to know that I love them, every day, all the time. I pray for them. I plan for times of fun when we can be together. I pray that their hearts would know and understand the goodness and love of God because they have seen it in me and in their parents and in those around them.

They are storing up a clear picture of God through those of us who are acting out His tangible love and grace in day to day realities in their lives. And hopefully when they are teens and more aware of a fallen, chaotic world, they will remember, “But I have seen, learned, and felt the goodness and love of God throughout my life, and I believe there is light, hope, goodness to be found in this troublesome world.”

If I Had To Do It All Over Again

What would I do if I had to do it over again?

I would laugh more, worry less, lecture only on rare occasions, overlook messes, notice the fingerprints of my Maker in the moments of my days, and cherish those few years when we were all at home, together, celebrating life.

I would stop in the midst of my chores to listen to a boy-joke being shared and I would laugh out loud and tell them they were so much fun.

I would stop unloading the groceries when my husband is talking to me and look deeply into his eyes and listen to what he is saying, communicating with my whole self, "You are such a treasure to me. I want to know what you are thinking and feeling and dreaming."

I would take the moment to tousle a head as I am passing through a room and say, "I am so blessed to have you as my very own child. You make me so happy, just being you."

I would stop what I am doing, to go outside to look at a "treasure" when I hear, "Hey, Mama, come look!"

I would camp more outside on our deck and cuddle up under the sleeping bags more often to marvel at the stars and the one who made them.

I would open my eyes to take a snapshot each day, just as it is — with boy noises, loud discussions, toys being played with intently, piano being practiced, thoughts being shared, messes coming and going.

Mothers Hold Eternity In Their Arms

I was unprepared, untrained, and honestly, had not given motherhood a lot of thought in my single years. At almost 31, never having changed a diaper, never knowing a mom who had nursed her children, and not even knowing how to hold a baby, I was heading into a great unknown — this thing called motherhood! 

And yet, when my first baby was born, it was not the overwhelming sense of responsibility or inadequacy that hit first, but the incredible wave of unconditional love. I was not expecting the pure awe that would flood my heart the moment she arrived and was gently placed into my arms. 

As I was holding her, it was as if God was whispering to me: "You are holding eternity in your arms. This little one is a miracle, a gift from Me. Will you love her so that when she grows up, she will believe that I love her? Will you whisper to her the secrets of My ways, give her a sanctuary in which to celebrate all that is good in life so that she will fill the treasure chest of her soul with all that is good, true, and beautiful?"

Read more about this in Well Lived.

Tea Time Tuesday: Decluttering My Soul For 2026

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“Guard your heart, for from it flow the springs of life.” (Proverbs 4:23)

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, along with every form of malice. Instead, be kind to one another, forgiving each other, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” (Eph. 4: 31-32)

Decluttering my soul is something I do every year before I plan my priorities, goals for the year. On New Year's weekend, I get away to a private place whatever it takes, to view the state of my heart, mind and soul. I ask God to help me clear out my conscience, leave my past burdens in the file drawers of heaven, by faith, trust God to move generously in my new year. I feel lighter, seeing what He will provide for me in the new year. Every year, I share these thoughts that I hope will give you a fresh wind blowing through your soul.

Even as we declutter our home, put it back in order after a busy holiday season, so I find that I must declutter my heart to go into my year free, with grace, hope and good plans. Proverbs tells us to “Guard our heart, for from it flows the springs of life.”

If we do not keep our heart free from those things that would bring darkness, discouragement, criticism, fear, despair, we will not be able to accomplish all of the other tasks we have planned for our year. He must be at the center of our peaceful, trusting heart. But even as in marriage, parenting, friendship, as issues must be communicated and discussed, so our heart issues must come to the light and be talked about with Him, so that we can declutter our souls.

Sometimes we are hold feelings of guilt, failure, disappointment, criticism, resentment, fear, blame. Yet, if we allow these feelings to fester, they will be a sort of poison to our hearts. So giving our burdens, regrets, issues into the hands of God and planning how we will walk forward in freedom is essential to keep a free, pure, loving heart.

Every year, we have sent out a “Decluttering Your Heart” planner to those how want to print it out and use it to plan their year. All you have to do is to join my blog mailing list and it will come to your email.

Home Is A Safe Haven

Don’t measure your success in life by your ability or inability to do housework efficiently. I hear so many stories from young women whose mothers were neurotic about keeping a well-organized and orderly home, and as adults they feel guilty if they ever make a mess.

Your relationship with your children and their ability to enjoy the comfort of your home are gifts you can give your family by choosing to accept and appreciate the limitations of a full and lively house. Solomon understood it rather well: “Where no oxen are, the manger clean” (Proverbs 14:4).

When I realized that I had six oxen in my stall all the time, it gave me peace knowing that the messes that reflected the six people in my home were a part of having all of us together!