Honor & Obeying Parents (Our 24 Family Ways #3) & Podcast

24 Family Ways # 3

We honor and obey our parents in the Lord with a respectful attitude.

Memory Verse:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother

(which is the first commandment with a promise)

so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth.

Ephesians 6: 1-2

From the first days of life, we speak the attitudes of faith into our little babies. When we treat them with gentleness and respond to them with patience and treat them as little infants of great value, we are already training the value of honor and respect into their brain patterns.

We are living in a time in which everyone is fair game for criticism, every person can be devalued. Especially in online places, there seems to be no decorum that would suggest we should treat others with respect our of our respect for Christ.

If we do not teach our children the value of honoring us as parents, or adults in charge of them, or people in positions of authority, then they will never have a trained heart attitude that says, “I must bow the wishes and needs of my own heart in order to please God.

Children must be taught to submit, even as we adults need to remember that we are to be people who can submit. God is our King and maker and He is in authority over us. We must place areas of practicing this in real life in order for our children to understand what it means to fear and serve our wonderful God.

Honor is a value that must have precedence in a home, so that a child can understand the importance of  people, and  to learn to bow their knee before others who deserve respect.

Honor comes with humility—the ability to see others as more important than ourselves. To teach honor and obedience means we will have to cross our children, confront their selfish wills.

Hebrews says, “My child, don’t make light of the LORD’s discipline,

and don’t give up when he corrects you.

6For the LORD disciplines those he loves,

and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.”f

7As you endure this divine discipline, remember that God is treating you as his own children. Who ever heard of a child who is never disciplined by its father?

Training and discipline and correction is what the 24 Family Ways is all about—training our children to live by Biblical values. This takes lots of time, over and over and over again training. Remember that you have taken many years to move from immaturity to maturity and probably if you are like me, you still have a ways to go. Patience is needed with all people who are in the process of learning to practice God’s ways.

The beginning of learning to value a fetus, an old, frail or infirm adult, or a person of different race or color begins with the heart attitude of learning to honor and learning to submit oneself to others.

hon·or

Definition: to show high respect or esteem

To regard with great respect

obey

to submit to the authority of someone

to comply with a law

Many years ago, I was taking Sarah, Joel, Nathan and Joy to a children's museum in Ft. Worth. We were standing in line behind what appeared to be grandparents with a little boy about 5 or 6. As we stood waiting our turn to enter, the little boy suddenly laid down on the floor, began screaming and then when his grandpa tried to pick him up, the boy started slapping and hitting and spitting on him.

Immediately all four of my children looked back at my face to see what I was going to do. Joel said, "Mama, don't you know? We always look at your eyes to see what we are supposed to do and how we are supposed to behave and react in life."

What do your children see when they look at your eyes?

Children naturally look to their parents for an example and model of what is expected.

One of the reasons, I believe, that God required children to honor  and obey their parents was to give them a visual and actual practice of what it would look like to give honor  and obey and value and worship to God.

How can our children learn the value of worshiping and honoring God if they have not seen it in the warp and woof of their daily lives?

It is very difficult to behave in belief and in worship to God--to understand that we are below him and are to bow to His holiness--if we have never been required to show respect to others in our lives.

There must be some visible, actual ways of teaching children respect and honor as a heart value so that they can learn the concept.

There are so many practical ways and tips to teach a child honor and obedience.

However, the most important thing to realize is that it starts with the heart. 

Respect, giving worth and honor to someone, is not a matter of forcing a child to submit to an authority  because the parent  is  stronger and bigger and can exert his power. Force of authority is the opposite of winning and training a child's heart to honor and obedience.

HOW DO WE TEACH THIS VALUE?

"Sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence" I Peter 3:15

It begins with an attitude of gentleness and reverence from our own obedient and honoring heart. The power is in our own maturity to train in maturity.

A wise mother looks into the heart of her child to understand what is mulling around in the mind and seat of thoughts and motivation. Honor is passed on to a child when we take the time to know their personality, understand their heart attitude and to be able to say or evaluate if a behavior was merely foolishness or if behavior showed a disrespectful and rebellious heart.

I corrected my children so very often because of the attitude I could detect--when they were willful or prideful or selfish in response to a person or situation--much more than I corrected for behavior.

Wise behavior was trained and modeled and corrected over time. However the essence of training our children to honor and obey was an issue of teaching them to submit their wills out of a heart of respect, rather than out of us forcing them to comply.

Understand that all of us are sinful and selfish and that our human way is to "push against" anyone who infringe upon our rights. And so it is natural to be selfish and immature, but it is supernatural to be mature. 

To become mature takes a whole lifetime--at least I am still working on it. To grow in maturity and to become wiser, humbler and more discerning and submissive in my behavior has taken me years of input, training, understanding, conviction, reforming my ways and repenting--and it is a process, not a one time act.

And so it is with a child, hundreds of times teaching, correcting, loving, training, and over and over again.

For this reason, a parent should not think the child is intentionally disobedient all the time just to thwart the parent--all children are born with such a nature and all children will grow in strength and ability to obey when consistently trained and guided and corrected.

This is a process.

Ours is to wisely keep them on the path of righteousness and to give them the value and love for righteousness and to correct and train them as they are going.

Just a few practical ideas:

When our children were little, we taught them to address adults with "Miss" or "Mister"--as our children called our adult friends either Mister Brown or Miss Deb to show that there was a distinction between adults and children. Different parts of the US and different countries have ways of imparting this understanding of the distance between adults and children, but it is a necessary distinction which helps children to learn the attitude of respect--to see a difference in themselves and in adults and authorities.

Teaching manners  is a wonderful way to teach children to value the worth of other people. Giving up chairs so others have a comfortable seat. Letting other adults or guests go first in line at a buffet, or serving our guests food or beverages before we were served were small ways of building a pattern of giving honor to others more than ourselves, so that our children could understand the whole concept.

Writing thank you notes and noticing the worth of other people through words helped our children have a pattern for respect. Honoring those in position--a pastor, a teacher, the President, leaders--in front of our children instead of always criticizing them in our children's presence helped them to learn that we also honored people.

In a world of cynicism and sarcasm, we must rule over the influences of our children when so often media and the internet feels that any person and any office is something open to being criticized or being made fun of in public.

This creates a culture that has no sense of honor or respect. Guarding our words and behavior is so important if we are to instill a heart value for respect, rather than just trying to force obedience.

Even small babes can learn to honor their parents by teaching them to use self-control. When our babes were very young and they were whining or screaming, but old enough to understand us, we would place them in a crib and say, "I am so sorry, but mommy (or Daddy) cannot listen to you while you scream or whine (or whatever). When you choose to talk to me in a normal voice, I will listen to you."

It was amazing how quickly our children learned to talk in quiet, gentle voices--even as young, crying babes.

But for a child to learn honor, a parent must display honor. The way we speak to each other and to our children should be with pleasant, loving words and voices. When we expect them to learn civility and honor, we have to exhibit it ourselves in the way we treat other people. (generally speaking, of course --we all raise our voices or become angry or frustrated on occasion.)  And even if we do become angry or raise our voices, we should always apologize if we expect our children to apologize. We must exhibit the same behavior we are expecting of them.

How can we train our children to act respectfully if we do not behave in a civilized, gentle, respectful way?

But then there is the second part of the way: obeying our parents with a respectful attitude.

Though this is a big area, and I cannot possibly address it all in one small article, the process of teaching a child the pattern of obeying is a long term pathway of learning obedience, little by little.

Teaching children to obey is essential to their character and moral strength, but it is a process. The beginning of learning obedience is to learn a value like this one--We honor and obey our parents with a respectful attitude.

So many parents do not teach basic expectations but merely react to their children in frustration--without having ever laid down the training of expectations of what is to be obeyed.

This merely frustrates parent and child as it is difficult for a child to learn to obey if they have never been told what is expected of them--any more than I could expect to please an employer if I did not clearly understand what was expected.

Training little by little is the key to having long term obedience and honor.

Since Clay and I believe that parenting is an organic process, considering the personalities of children, the sex and age of children and the ways to reach the children's hearts, we do not give specific advice but wisdom principles to follow.

Consequently, the first place to start is in giving our children a pattern of what to expect by being with them all the time when they are little so that we can speak to their little hearts, needs, shaping their values and understanding of behavior by directing it.

The children whose parents are most engaged and involved when their children are little are, generally speaking, the ones whose children are easier to train, as the children have learned to expect attention and love and training.

And so we teach them this way, teach them the memory verse and use this way and verse as a way of correction:

What is our way about obedience? What do you need to do in order to obey mommy now?

And so that I do not write a whole book tonight, I will leave you with this thought:

How are you modeling honor and obedience to God in  your home, by your attitudes, actions and obedience--so that your children will have a true picture to follow?

Our 24 Family Ways: A Family Devotional Guide

By Clay Clarkson

Lighting a Candle in Your Family's Darkness

"Mama, one of the things that most distinguishes you is that you are always a hopeful person. No matter what would happen, you always pointed us to hope."

How surprised I was to hear this, as I have often felt that I was a struggler through the many challenges that threatened to overcome us in our lives.

Many years ago, I realized that children long to have a happy mother. Our children are growing up in a time when media spreads the gloom and doom of catastrophes, fears and threats. When the mama spreads light and thankfulness--and hope in the darkness, then children feel secure and safe. But when a mama lives darkly, the children harbor fear, insecurity and blame themselves for parent's being angry or sad. Hope is not natural--it is supernatural. Hope comes welling up from deep inside because of a belief that God is good. That He will win in the end. That there is always hope when God is present.

Women who choose hope and who choose to trust God are those who, instead of cursing the darkness, light a candle. But it is a choice of the will. Hope is not a feeling, it is a commitment to hold fast to what scripture reminds us is true about God.

Knowing scripture, pondering and taking it into your soul, is what gives each of us fuel to live the Christian life, as we listen to the Holy Spirit guide us through the wisdom we have learned. The only way to live well is to live in fellowship with God. Nothing else will satisfy.

We live in an imperfect world filled with disappointments, devastation, and difficulty. Without hope, our lives can feel absolutely purposeless sometimes. In my own life, I have struggled with hardships I never could have seen coming. My heart has been broken, my faith has been tested, and I have had to push myself in ways that I couldn't have imagined. Circumstances will come our way, and we will always have a choice to make. We can choose to give up, or we can choose hope.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." -Romans 15:13

Oh to allow the Holy Spirit to fill me to overflowing with hope.

Hope it not just wishful thinking. Hope is an assurance that our king has ultimately won the raging battle. Hope teaches us that this is the broken place where we have the honor of believing Him who is fighting on our behalf.

Hope anchors the soul and keeps us grounded.

"This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast and one which enters within the veil." (Hebrews 6:19).

When we have nothing else to rely on, our hope in God is what connects us to what is true. As Romans 15:13, above,  tells us, when we put our trust in God, we can overflow with hope. This hope from the Holy Spirit is such a powerful entity, it can make us truly unstoppable.

But faith is a choice that requires us to relinquish our fears, doubts and worries into the hands of God--like a child who says, "I will trust my mama and daddy because I know they are good and reliable." So we say, I will give this into His hands because I know He is good and loving and reliable.

Hope gives us the strength to take on our future. Hope can cure the incurable. No circumstance, no problem, no issue, no devastation is too large or too difficult for God to take on. However, we have to choose this hope. We must receive it. Sometimes, life can beat us down and make us feel absolutely defeated. But when we choose to carry the hope God has given us, we are able to overcome anything.

Faith is the assurance of things hoped for,  (the conviction of things not seen.) Hebrews 11:1

My hope rests in God's character and ability to see me through. He who answers prayer. He who is always good. He who has overcome the world. He who has forgiven every sin. He who will never leave me or forsake me. I can leave my issues in the file drawer of heaven and know that He has the ability to work them out and to cause, "all things to work together for the good for them who love Him."

The God-given gift of hope is the best possible medicine for any hardship in life. My hope says that I am willing to wait on God's timing, God's way and God's will with a belief that I will look back and be amazed at the ways He showed his faithfulness. My hope is what carried me through health issues, struggles in my family, going five years without a salary, and so much more. Hope is the physician of each misery, and God has given us this gift to heal us from our pasts so that we may have a future that is full of joy and light.

Do your children watch you in your tests of faith and see you walking in hope and trust as an example to them of how they will need to live their adult lives?

Precious Heavenly Father,

I humbly acknowledge that you are faithful and that you see me and know my battles. Lord, I want to choose to be a person of hope because of my faith in you. Please take my burdens into your own hands, and through the Holy Spirit, restore my heart to peace. Let my choice to praise you please you, because my spiritual service of worship is to hope in you each day. Thank you for your patience and love for me. I love you, too, sweet Lord.

Ellie Holcomb, Delighting with Song & an Unforgettable Book & Podcast

Congratulations, Ellie, on the birth of your precious little boy and the birth of your wonderful book and songs.

One of the pleasures of hosting a podcast and be engaged in ministry is the sweetness of getting to rub shoulders with women who deeply love the Lord and are kindred spirits. Ellie Holcomb is such a woman. Her deep love for God, His word, a joyful reverence for life and a deep love for children combined to give us such a wonderful time to visit recently.

Ellie’s whole life has been surrounded by music and she has invested her own creative artistry by not only producing music that inspires, but also the most wonderful new children’s book, Who Sang the First Song.

With captivating illustrations and a delightful story, your children will want to read this book over and over and over again until it is deep inside their little hearts. I know you will be lifted up as you hear our conversation together.

Ellie said, “ Anyone who knows me knows that I LOVE to sing (in fact- my parents have been known to say that life with me as a kid was like living in a musical)! So I got curious about who sang the first song. What did the world sound like as God created it?! I loved these questions, so I set out to write a book so that we could explore not so much HOW God made the world, but WHY He created the world and each one of us. My sincere hope is that children (and the adults reading to them) would be reminded of who and WHOSE we are...and that as we remember how God created us and loves us, our hearts and lives would sing for the joy of being loved!”

-Ellie Holcomb

Ellie has also created songs to go along with the book. With Sing: Creation Songs, Ellie Holcomb created a beautiful, Scripture rooted, children’s musical project that fits perfectly with her current musical catalog. With this new collection, she wanted to write songs that were directly inspired by both God’s word and His beautiful Creation, so each song is tied to specific Scripture and full of rich imagery from the world around us. She wants children to be able to sing these songs and see evidence all around them of what they are singing.

“I wrote most of the songs for this record during the spring, and I’m pretty sure I ended up moving outside each time I wrote,” she shares. “I was completely inspired by Creations’ song, whether it was the birds, or the stars, or the trees reaching high towards the heavens, or flowers blooming so colorfully that they looked ready for a party.”

I know you will love hearing her share about her love for children and love for passing on a spiritual heritage. I so enjoyed our time together.

To find Ellie in other places, just look for Ellie Holcomb and you will find her.

Sing: Creation Songs

By Ellie Holcomb

Who Sang the First Song?

By Ellie Holcomb

Buy on Amazon

We Read God's Word Daily (Our 24 Family Ways #2) & Podcast

Way #2 We read the Bible every day and pray to God with an open heart. 

Memory Verse

"All scripture is inspired by God, and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for instruction  in righteousness, so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work."

II Tim 3: 16-17

When Sarah was giving a talk several years ago, she said something that heartened me. She remembered waking up early in the mornings to find me sitting in my favorite chair in the living room or another in my bedroom, reading my Bible.

"I knew her diligence and devotion was what shaped her life, and it always made me expect that I could learn and hear from God in my own life," Sarah shared as she talked of what personal integrity looked like in reality.

The habit of coming to God every day, taking time specifically to seek Him, to listen to Him, to ponder His ways and engage in His truth is the most profound action that will shape your life.

I hardly need to say I was not perfect, and some stressful, crisis seasons found this habit not happening every single day. Yet I found that reading God's word and praying was essential to my ability to continue taking one more step in the direction of my own ideals--the fuel for my strength when life was exhausting. It is a habit I want to help others learn how to develop.

If I am serious about God, I must be serious about investing in Him. Others need the truth He teaches me. More voices and messages invade the sound waves of our brains today than ever before. Living in a melting pot of cultures, where all religions and values and morals drift together and are said to be equal; where all varieties of moral behavior are validated and find acceptance; where television and film and the internet smudge the clear borders of truth every day, promoting violent behavior and dark themes; means the call to teach children has never been more important or profoundly necessary.

We must not underestimate the draw these voices have in our lives and those of our children as they become young adults and begin to make decisions that will determine the outcome of their lives. They must know the voice of the real, true, loving, living God; not just platitudes of moral rules. Only real wisdom and scripture will do.

Building Foundations that Cannot be Moved 

We build the foundational belief system and understanding of truth and God's nature and ways, in our children's minds, one day at a time, one brick at a time. For our children to have a strong standard of truth invading and speaking to their invisible thoughts, their minds must be filled with thousands of teachings of scripture so their brains will have a "go to" place when they are making decisions about their lives.

As so many women have heard from me over the years, "In the absence of Biblical conviction, people will go the way of culture.”

In other words, if a child has not been taught and trained and instructed in the wisdom of God's word and learned to pray to become familiar with His voice, then the child will grow up to listen to the voices he has invested in the most.

If a woman has not invested her mind to engage in true biblical principles, she will not have the ammunition in her soul to fight the values and voices of culture.

A heart that is filled with and informed by Biblical convictions does not just happen. It is shaped intentionally over many years, day by day, circumstance by circumstance, repeated literally thousands of times.

It all starts with a mom who is willing to train and disciple her children and to pay the price of commitment, time, and winsomeness and preparation over many years of time.

So we read the Bible every day in our home and pray with an open heart, and now our children do the same, because that habit was the very life and inspiration they breathed into their hearts day in and day out.

Do not be hard on yourself, mama. Just start out with 5-10 minutes, and build a habit worth following!

“Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord is one!  You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.  These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart.  You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.  You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead.  You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates." 

Deut. 6:4-9

Our 24 Family Ways: A Family Devotional Guide

By Clay Clarkson

Children Need Freedom and Fairy Tales!

“Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again.” ― C.S. Lewis

     Research of every kind indicates that constant media intake, lack of outside time, over-entertainment, too much exposure to sexual material and immoral values at an early age, and many other of the ills of our age are destroying the souls of children. Many are being pushed and pulled, dragged from one activity to another, and forced to fit into the time boxes convenient to adults.  This stress is wreaking havoc on a generation of children who show the evidence of adult illnesses at early ages, small vocabularies, vastly growing obesity levels, and so much more.

     Children are starving for real life and drowning in the midst of an empty one. The old fashioned way of raising children seems to be the healthiest way to raise emotionally, intellectually, physically, and spiritually resilient children. Children are natural imitators, so we must fill their lives and minds with worthy people and ideas, with heroes to imitate, so they can practice what they will be when they grow up.

     May our children not grow up to imitate addiction to the computer. May they not learn passivity displayed by adults ignoring their needs while paying too much attention to Facebook, blogs, and cell phones. May they not copy the habit as they observe parents dwelling hour after hour in front of impersonal machines, while neglecting to honor and invest in real time relationships.

Sarah, my oldest daughter, often speaks about what it means to have a soul thoroughly alive. She describes rooms in the soul and heart that need to be attended to, in order for beauty, intelligence, creativity, emotional health, a sense of a joyfully fulfilling life to grow. These are truly fundamental needs which must be met in order for a person to flourish.

     Children's brains are being robbed of intellectual exercise because they are not doing the things that children have done throughout history. Children need lots of freedom and time to use their imaginations, in order to synthesize all they are learning and thinking about. They need to be read to, and to have their brains filled with moral strength, values, and stories that inspire.

     When they are constantly entertained by media, their brains actually become clinically slowed down,  because they are overstimulated. A child's undeveloped eyes and brain cannot deal with too much visual stimulation, so the brain actually shuts down in areas when bombarded.  Because they are deprived of what their bodies and brains are designed to have--rest, free play, curiosity, interaction with real people and real experiences, problems to solve, fairy tales to spur their imaginations--there is a diminishing of long term emotional, spiritual, and mental health. Unfortunately, most children are not given the freedom to exercise life choices in the oxygen of creative play, and have forgotten how to exist without constant entertainment.

     Children need to be outdoors. They need time to be bored so that they will have to figure out how to occupy their time creatively.

     They need to be around books, to have lots and lots of imaginative stories read to them and then have time to pretend the stories. They need lots of time with adults so that they can pattern their values and manners and relationships after mature people, rather than always being in the company of immature children or media images which display violence, foolishness, and questionable values.

     Children will reflect their environment. Excellence and creativity are the result of a life well-ordered and planned--intentional living out of what is real, true, acceptable, and good. 

     May all children be blessed with the gift of play, imagination, free time and the space to be outdoors to explore. May they wonder at the marvels of God's creation. May they have the treasure of real human beings who hold their hands while exploring the world, who rock them to sleep and sing them real songs and scratch their backs at bedtime and tell them their own love stories. And may they daily hear the words of their creator God, marvel at His excellence, and grow to love Him with all of their hearts.

Autumn Quietly Reminds us that Life is Quickly Passing By & Podcast

Overwhelming, take your breath away, beauty on my walk in Oxford this week.

Autumn is my favorite season of the year.

The chill crisp air washed with the golden light beams smiles at my child heart that still hopes for excitement and possibility in my days. The vibrantly painted leaves wrap a love song around my heart and whisper of His playful invitation to find Him while he dances about in the light and shadows of my late afternoon walks.

As I breathe in the beauty and take time to look and hear, signposts of life are surrounding me everywhere. The leaves that were so green and flourishing a few weeks ago, are now drying and falling to the ground to make room for another year, another harvest in the future. The changing weather whispers, “change is coming, your days are shorter than they used to be.” With each leaf swirling delicately toward the ground, are reminders that we all have limitations to the story we live in life, I see the autumn more clearly than ever before.

You will not have this season ever again to invest in, to pour out your life, to store up wisdom, to patiently serve others. This is the message of fall, time passes.

My life is changing and I must recognize the way that time marches on.

I don't have as much time left to invest love, kingdom messages, and worship of God as I used to have--

My children are grown and I cannot take them into my lap, tell them a bedtime story or have them come to me for all their needs, questions or decisions.

We are very close, best of friends, by God's grace. but now, they help me, counsel me. I wait for their calls--they do not do my bidding anymore, they make their own choices of how to invest their time, love and messages.

What a season of delight to have had my home full of giggles, discoveries, while I was the centerpiece of life. What a gift to be a mother and to embrace the season of raising my children, who are now the best work of my whole life.

With all seasons, God speaks to us through nature and His own visual art. In splendid glory and bursting color, autumn teaches us that life is always changing. Life and this season right now, is about to change. Life passes quickly and the autumn of any part of our lives reminds us that one more year, journey, season is about to pass. Another season is gusting and whirling quickly forward to blow away the leaves and to bring the stark reality of another season, its own beauty and its own limitations.

We will never have this year, this day, this moment in which to invest again—it will be fleeting and over, as one autumn marks another year soon to be past.

The beauty of the dry, dying leaves reminds us that the glory of the season is almost gone, and so we must do our best to cherish the days if we are to be wise.

Today is the day in which I may pour out love by writing a note, making a call, serving a cup of tea, praying for one I love. Perhaps this is the day I might bring inspiration, Serving and touching hearts, Pointing in this moment of glory, the divine creator. Teaching what is true and right and good, Modeling faith, forgiveness, mercy and unconditional love.

The ministry of motherhood must be personal—back rubs, giggles, eyes really seeing into the face and soul of the one being listened to, words of affirmation and trust, and prayers before the throne of God diligently whispered from a heart that knows only He can create the life of Christ inside the very ones I serve…

May we understand, computers and social media waste so much time, cell phones can rob us of the facial expression, the hand held, the warm embrace or moment together watching the sunset; and chores are never more important than those they serve.  Frenzied activity sucks up time and steals light and life from the real, right in front of us, little one needing the planting of love, and faith, hope and truth.

A real little human being requires the nourishment of real love poured out daily, gentleness served up with a willing heart and the attentiveness of an adult who is willing to serve. These little ones must have our healthy gift of love, time and patience, as a flower needs real water, and sunshine over and over again if it is going to bloom to its fullest potential, so those in our lives need the sunshine of our words of blessing and the water of our coming along side them day after day.

I think I will find some way today to encourage my own precious ones—a phone call, an email, a message to lift them up today.When this day is past, I must hope that I have used it well and invested wisely because I will never have it to live over again, and soon, very soon, the autumn of motherhood will remind us, that this season of planting and harvesting is almost over.

I wish you blessings of wisdom as you measure your minutes and days,

Grace as you choose what will last for eternity in the minds and hearts of those who will carry you with them in their hearts the rest of their lives.

Today, I am praying for you, because this day, this season, matters so much.

Take time to notice the miraculous, to hear the music, to dance to the joy that today might bring and to rest in the endless love of one who is preparing a feast for us in the not too distant future.

What Is Most Important: Loving God (Our 24 Family Ways #1)

24 Family Ways #1

"We love and obey our Lord, Jesus Christ, with wholehearted devotion."

Memory verse: "And He said to them, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all of your heart and with all of your soul and with all of your mind.' This is the great and foremost commandment." Matt. 22:37-38

Rainbow light shone through a multi-colored stain glass window which looked like it was a passage to heaven. Our normally wiggly, chattery clan became silent as they walked into the lovely chapel and heard the quiet music wafting up to the very rafters where the light was shining through. Oddly enough, the beauty, formality and music hushed them and they sat mostly reverently through the hour-long service.

"Mama, you felt like you had to be quiet 'cause everything was so special, pretty, and respectful," piped one of my little ones, when asked what they thought of the new church we visited.

This was the first time our family had ever attended such a formal service together, and it was enlightening to see what the effect the sacred place of exquisite design and beauty had on the attitudes of my children.

Almost every time I read a story about someone who saw the glory of God, the effect of His blinding splendor was that they bowed down in fear, in reverence, hiding their eyes from the glory of God. The starting point for any real training must be a reverence, respect, and proper awe of God, Himself.

The first "way" of Our 24 Family Ways is about learning to see the sacred, and to honor things that are holy. If we do not learn to understand that some things are special and set aside as a picture of great and intrinsic worth, designed to show the eminence and infinity of God's glory in our own homes and lives, we will never learn to honor God.

Honor of God begins with an honor of what is holy in our lives. All people are made in God's image, so they are sacred and have great worth in eternity. Marriage, the commitment of two people to enter into a union and pledge before God of faithfulness is sacred and holy.

Many things that used to be considered sacred--human life, the elderly, churches and burial grounds, people in position of authority and accomplishment, parents, marriage, teachers, public figures--all of these are often torn apart, ridiculed, and devalued in contemporary culture. When every vestige of truth can be ridiculed, cynicism runs so rampant that no one can believe in innocence, modesty, or sincerity anymore.

At this time in history, where very little is considered sacred or holy, we must seek diligently to create not just knowledge of what the word holy means, but to place tangible practices in our lives where we and our children come to learn that some things are sacred and set apart and deserve our reverence and worship.

Honor starts with the respectful ways we treat others in our home--the way we speak to our children with respect, the way we give our attention to and interact with our husbands, the way we treat strangers or others who come across our paths.

When we learn to give value to others by serving them, we will be much more likely honor God--and honoring God is the first commandment. Loving God and honoring Him with our whole hearts is the starting place for appropriate worship, which says He is worthy of our praise and service our whole life long. Honor is a heart attitude.

Most of our churches are places where there is casual dress, talking and chattering, informal behavior, so much so that the behavior and jokes told and manners of most people could not be differentiated from the behavior they would display at a restaurant or in any other casual place.

We make fun of our Presidents and leaders and feel no guilt or twinge of conscience for voicing every sort of opinion on Facebook. We criticize our preachers and leaders. In the name of "freedom," we excuse any kind of behavior and speech, with no sense of propriety or restraint. If there is nothing sacred in our lives, then how do we hope to pass on a sense of awe, Godly fear and respect to our children?

How have you instilled reverence and devotion to God in your children? 

Have you seen things that have intrinsic eternal value degraded in the culture of your world?

Name several ways you can establish a practice of valuing the sacred in your own life.

Our 24 Family Ways: A Family Devotional Guide

By Clay Clarkson

Fall Is Here! Fun Recipes for Your Lifegiving Table

Fall! It's officially here, with drifting leaves and renegade snowflakes announcing the beginning of the cozying-in season.

It's the time I like to light candles, cuddle up with a book with my sweet ones or by myself and take time to breathe in the beauty of crisp weather, golden and maroon leaves dancing slowly to the ground, and a breeze swirling around gently reminding that life is changing, days are marching toward another year. This is a time to take hold of moments and remember how precious each day is.

Now, I have become so much more organic and natural with each passing year in my tastes for cuisine. Yet, there are certain celebrations that speak "home" to our family which we take time for at least once a season--sugar and all. 

I hope autumn is a favorite of yours, too. While most of us enjoy lots of outdoor time and trips away over the summer, it seems everyone turns their thoughts toward home a bit more come fall. Here are a few ideas to help you add some fall flavor to your home.

I have a recipe of real warm cider using lots of juices and cinnamon  sticks but this one is a sort of "cheaters" recipe, easy to throw together at the drop of a hat when company surprises you. 

Sally's Secret Cinnamon Cider

* 1 gallon apple cider
* 1 cup-1 bag of red hot candies (choose your flavor level, wink!*)

Pour the apple cider into a large saucepan. Add as many of the red-hots as you think you'll enjoy! Stir together on the stove over medium heat until hot. That's it! So much easier than bundles of spices, yummy, and makes your house smell amazing. I make the cider the real way, too, but when I have my Bible study crowds, I use this simpler recipe instead, as it is fast and goes a long way! My mom used to do this!

There are also wonderful mulling bags at Whole Foods; I place one bag in a cup of warmed organic apple juice for my sweet ones and sit by the fire and soak in being with them.

Caramel Apples

These may seem tricky, and they're very expensive at the fairs and candy shops, but you can make your own quite easily! Only three ingredients:

* 6 firm apples (green Granny Smiths are great, as their tart taste balances the caramel's sweetness)
* 1 pkg individually wrapped caramels
* 2 Tbs. water

aaaannnnddd ... that's it! Of course, you also need wooden craft sticks of some sort (sometimes they come in the bag, or check the craft store!)

Prepare first a cookie sheet or tray by covering it with tin foil which you then spray or butter. This will give you a place to put the dipped apples and an easy way to get them into the fridge for "setting time." Insert wooden sticks about 3/4 into the stem end of apples. Unwrap caramels and place into saucepan; add the 2 Tbs. water and melt over medium heat, stirring smooth. Holding apples by wooden sticks, dip into caramel, turning to coat evenly and scraping off excess on side of pan if necessary. Place apples on greased foil, then refrigerate for 30 minutes to an hour.

If you do want to get fancy, a shake of chopped nuts or candy leaf sprinkles while the caramel is still soft, or even a drizzle of melted chocolate after it sets can take them up a notch!
My mama also did this every year and I thought she was a gourmet cook! :)

How are you enjoying fall this year? For more cozy recipes be sure to check out The Lifegiving Table!

The Lifegiving Table: Nurturing Faith through Feasting, One Meal at a Time

By Sally Clarkson

Raising Boys to be Good Men With Nathan Clarkson & Podcast

Nathan Clarkson & me!

"The only thing necessary thing for the triumph of evil is for good women (men)  to do nothing."

Edmund Burke

We have all probably heard the quote above many times, but still, it is so true. Passivity is a form of rebellion. It is a choice we make when we say, “I won’t follow my ideals. I will not help. I can’t give. I won’t serve. I refuse to get my hands dirty or to live sacrificially.”

Either we are engaged in the battle or we are quitters. There are times for rest, for regrouping, for restoring or renewing a vision. But to choose to be passive about serving God or standing up for what is right is to reject being responsible.

Obviously I cannot speak to every situation in one small blog. But we observe in our culture that there are very few “Stand Out” heroes for our boys to follow. Yet, I think deep in the heart of most every little boy is a hero waiting to be let out.

A few weeks ago, I was flying back home from Chicago and I was riding a train from the concourse to the terminal. A older woman stepped on the train just in front of me. Immediately a little boy about 9 years old jumped up from his seat and said, “Would you like to sit here? I don’t mind.” Immediately a small host of men riding together cheered spontaneously. “Woohoo! Way to go! What a great guy!” They proceeded to pat the little one on his back. I think the little boy will never forget the cheering he received for being thoughtful as a “man”.

We have the ability to call our own little boys (and girls) to their best selves. We need only look inside their hearts to see the courage, nobility, kindness, generosity that wants to be expressed through their lives.

Today, Nathan and I talk about what it looks like to be a good man and how to shape your boys’ hearts so that they will grow in their self-image to wanting to be a good man in their generation—a good man who is willing to be a part of bringing God’s goodness and light and morality back into a culture that longs to be led and taught.

Jesus was getting to this “useless” sort of passivity through the metaphors he shared in this passage.

"You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt has become tasteless, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled under foot by men. "You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house.…"Matthew 5:13-1

I know many of you are new to my blogs and podcasts. Nathan and I get letters almost every day about how our book has encouraged them in seeing their children who have such different personalities and issues with an eye for viewing their potential and calling them to live into a great story. You can get it in many bookstores.



By Sally Clarkson, Nathan Clarkson

A Different Kind of Hero: A Guided Journey through the Bible’s Misfits

By Sally Clarkson, Joel Clarkson

Nathan recently wrote another book!

Wonder Catching: Thoughts, prayers, and poems, on love, life, and God

By Nathan Clarkson

Personal Integrity & The 24 Family Ways Intro & podcast

Integrity: The quality of being strong and having strong moral principles; having soundness and wholeness in faith, word and deed.

As we observe the landscape of leaders in our country, sometimes it is difficult to find a very many who stand out as wise, strong, morally true, sound—those who have true integrity. Yet, our hearts long for stories of those who are brave and good; those who sacrifice their lives for the good of others, who are trustworthy and true.

Integrity is something that is embraced and developed over time. It must be taught, practiced, lived to grow strong and vibrant. When Clay and I dreamed up the 24 Family Ways when our children were young, we wanted them to have strong foundations of godly character and an understanding of what it meant to please God so that they could develop integrity. Integrity must be taught, practiced, modeled.

The next Mondays of my podcast will be mostly devoted to reviewing a 24 Family Way for you as adults and for you to ponder as you teach them to your children. I would encourage you to get your own copy and teach them to your children. We went through the Ways 3 times with our children before they left our home. I hope it will be of great encouragement to you to practice and develop integrity in your own life.

I have learned the most about integrity by pondering my walk with God, searching my heart for attitudes that are not worthy of His love for me, seeking direction from His word, is a yearly foundational search of my heart.

We live in a world that, from the beginning, cares what people think. Seeking to keep up with the "Joneses" is age old. But scripture is so very clear that God wants our focus, our love, our heart to be on Him first and then our obedience to the very values of his heart.

Surrounded by a world that gives us permission to be self-centered, we glance at ourselves and all of our pictures on facebook, cell phones, listening for that little bing that says someone has thought of us---Hey, everybody, want to look at me and notice what I am doing and comment on my blog and give me higher numbers if I give things away and, and, and..........

We become our own idols and strive for recognition and affirmation. It is not wrong to desire to be loved and to belong. But Jesus meant for us to find our meaning in  our family, our community of believers, those we serve in our own day to day lives. We were meant tie our lives to flesh and blood people who we spend our lives to help, so that we can better understand Him, who spent all for our sakes.

In the story of the Good Samaritan, Jesus tells of the lives of those who could pontificate and argue the law and wear the robes of righteousness, and yet, he exposes their worthlessness to God by their heart of neglecting those who really needed redemption--the man caught by robbers, left for dead, beside the road.

But really, who has time to give to such a person--we have our appointments, our priorities, articles for blogs, our day-timers and schedules to keep.

"Just a minute, can't you see I am doing something important!" I ,I, I, .... the endless I and me, me, me..........

"Let not a wise man boast of His wisdom, let not a rich man boast of his riches, let not a mighty man boast of his might, but let him who boasts, boast of this, that He understands and knows me, for I delight in these things." Jeremiah

"He who keeps his life will lose it, but he who gives his life will find it."

And yet, as I read His words over and over again, I understand anew, it matters little what others think of me, if God is not at the center of my desire to live for His glory and the focus of my actions in serving others, as He did.

And so this week and really this summer, I am searching again to find, how I need to reorder my life to please Him, what is the work He has given me to do, how may I invest in real people with real needs, so that His loving touch will reach those in my culture.

What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses his soul?

And then, when I live in true integrity of following hard after Him, my children find the real him living in my home--not philosophy or curriculum or denomination or rules--the the real Christ who lays down His life, shepherds the sheep of his fold, the servant king who cares about real people.

True personal integrity comes from following hard after Him and obeying and loving obeying what He has called me to do.

What does integrity look like to you?

Our 24 Family Ways (2010)

By Clay Clarkson