On Days That Are Difficult, I Wish I'd Known ...

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In this world you have tribulation,

but take courage....

I have overcome the world.


"No amount of ranting or complaining can change the fact that we live in a fallen world, a battleground for souls. I wish I had known sooner, or better understood, or earlier admitted that I needed to accept this reality, and to determine to grow up and determine to build up my strength little by little. It would have saved me so much emotional havoc in the long run." ~ 

Sally Clarkson  from Desperate

Today I find myself in need of prayer. Last week, as you may have seen on instagram or heard me mention on the podcast, I had a quite unfortunate accident involving a large exercise ball, a stairway, a glass, the corner of a dining room table, and my eye, which sustained the worst of the untimely combination. While I am being treated and trust it will continue to heal, my injured eye is causing a great deal of pain right now and I am unable to do the many things on my list, with company here in London, Clay only recently arrived (so grateful he is here!) and of course, sweet baby Lilian. I certainly didn't picture myself being out of order during such a busy time!

It is another day I must take my own advice and recall that in this broken world, I will be disappointed much more often than I like; that frustrations big and small will come my way and I must place all into the hands of the loving Father who cares deeply and is walking alongside me through it all.

Mamas can spend a lot of time wishing our lives were different, our circumstances different, our capabilities greater. As I look back over the various pressures I've faced during many years of parenting, I think ...

If only I had understood that this was a battle for allegiance to the One who is true, and not an issue of choosing the right activities, or the best curriculum, or the most promising educational situation.

If only I knew that the sacrificing of my life to God's design would be the making of my character; that the longer I loved and served and gave myself to the training of my children, the more I would understand His fatherhood of me,

and the complete sacrifice He was willing to make for me, His own unaware and shortsighted toddler child,

who often was blind to the workings of His ways and the wisdom of His voice,

even as my children were often blind to my wisdom given for their sakes.

If only I had known that the miracle of my children's long-term faith and love for Him, was not an issue of our being righteously mature and perfect in performance,

but rather our dependence on Him working according to His power and mercy--

that He was the one who made our paltry sacrifices enough to reach the hearts of our children,

because He cared more than we did about loving and redeeming our children out of darkness into His light,

and that all He wanted from me was to give it all up to Him and to live by faith and to enjoy the gift He had given into my hands--

the gift of mothering these children, living this story, and seeing His miracles right before my eyes.

Commit your way unto the Lord, trust also in Him and He will do it. Psalm 37:5

If only I had known, it would have saved me so much emotional havoc, worry, impatience, and stress, 

And I would have lived restfully in peace, and enjoyed each day more, letting Him take the weight of my fretting and worry.

And so today, as I find myself in need of grace and patience for my slightly battered body and the limitations this trial places on me, I am praying that you, too, will place yourself and your life and concerns into His wonderful, capable hands.

May the peace of the Lord be with you today, the Lord is near.