Sometimes I Hide, Sometimes I Feel Like Giving up & Podcast


I have thought a lot lately about the nature of a child. A child, who is cared for and loved, generally trusts his father with all of the details of life. As a matter of fact, a secure child doesn't even ponder the issues of life, but just lives into the moment, because he has not ever had to carry the issues of life.

And Jesus says,  “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."

Innocence, trust, pure in heart.

There are times I wish I could be more like a child. How I would love to be free, to feel the rest of having no burdens, to not be unsophisticated so as not to worry about big problems. 

Life is so hard sometimes. Mothering is hard. Marriage is hard. Paying bills is hard, Dealing with people and life can be hard. 

Sometimes I feel like hiding, running away or just giving up--even though I don't always know what that would mean. 

Just to be unburdened and be able breathe the deep sleep of a toddler who isn't even aware of pressures and problems.

Today, my assistant and friend, Misty, and I want to share with you the stresses and problems we have lived through. We hope no one who reads this blog and listens to our podcast feels alone or like a failure. We just covered y book "Mission of Motherhood" and I spoke of many ideals, goals, vision. But I also wanted to acknowledge that we live somewhere between the tension of ideals and the reality of daily life. We want you to know we understand.

I am constantly in and out of demanding stresses, difficult issues. Yet, I have to practice going back to what I know to be true so that I don't crater. I look to my rock. I remember that He has promised to be with me. He is my shepherd to carry my burdens.

And sometimes I just need rest--to play, to sleep, to eat something "forbidden" and to enjoy it, to be with friends who are uncritical and "get" me, to just be a normal person that no one knows or has expectations of.

I think that as I look back over my own life, I can see that God has intervened, provided, taught, comforted and held me up even in the stormy times, even through the "dark night of the soul" times. .

Not all of the moments of my life in this world have been easy, many have been devastating. But I wish I had spent less time worrying, less time fretting or telling God my will. I know that He is good. I also understand that we live in a fallen place where evil abides and where Satan tempts and accuses and has stirred up people to turn away from God.

But now I see that nothing separates me from the love of God. Nothing. Even when I think He doesn't love me because I have failed.

How much easier it would have been if I had just released all of my own "carrying" of these burdens. It would have been so much better if I had understood that it was not for me to "figure out" all of the "whys," but I so wish,  I had just left it up to Him, His will, His ways, His wisdom. My life would have held more peace, and I would have heard more of His whispers of comfort and felt more joy in living and resting in His strength and abiding love.

“God’s desire is for us to experience true joy and deep fulfillment. It must start, however, with the journey into the recesses of our heart. It is only as we release our hold on the things that we think we need to be truly happy, when we open our hands freely, that we experience true joy. We yield our demands and expectations to Him so that we may take His hand and let Him lead us into the dance of joy. He is the One who will teach us. But it requires a total relinquishment of self and a simple trust in a great God, simple faith to understand that He who created joy will lead us on the pathway that ends in the joy that will last forever.” ~ Sally Clarkson, Dancing With My Father

I hope you will in some degree enjoy our conversation today about the seasons of challenge in our own lives and know that you are not alone. God does see you and He indeed loves you.