“But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you."
Matthew 6:6
A 14 day quarantine was good for me. I could have taken about 6 months! One of the things I have been thinking about is how I need to keep praying, going to God, asking Him to work in a real way in my life. It is easy when we get out of control of our circumstances to feel a little bit like our prayers are not changing anything. Yet, if we truly want to be close to God, to stay close to His heartbeat, we must keep cultivating our connection so that His spirit can speak to us and prompt, encourage, convict and give us a live sense of His love.
God longs for the most personal, intimate relationship with us. While He created us with this in mind, sometimes in the midst of a particularly challenging time, we allow ourselves to drift away from Him. And yet, it is in drawing closer to Him than ever before, in committing ourselves to daily time alone with Him, that we are able to claim our roles as His child. When we let Him meet us where we are, peace will follow.
The past few weeks have been somewhat stressful for me. One of those times when you are often brought to tears or at least a hole in your heart, while seeking to try to give it all to God and leaving the stress in His capable hands. I have many practices where I verbally and mentally give it to Him. But for me the stress often comes from being caught in the deep conflict and battles of life my loved ones (children, husband) are caught in and feeling very responsible to change or help meet the answer and needs of unanswerable things. I feel especially sad when my children are down or lonely or up against very difficult circumstances that I can’t change.
I was talking to one of my children who said, “This is the kind of year when you say, Lord, I am pretty sure I am going to blow apart before the end of this day, can you please, please help.” And guess what, mama, I am depending on God again because I have to—there is no way out.”
Sometimes life is like that. Yet, those of us who have determined that for our whole lifetime, we will trust God, walk with Him, even in darkness, even when tried to our core, no matter our feelings, we will see His faithfulness and we will grow a godly character.
Godliness comes from a long obedience and heartfelt trust in the direction of a Holy God who is faithful.
Indeed, we cannot always see Him, we do not always feel Him, but faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction (believe, certainty) in things not seen.
This morning, the words above capture me. My Father is waiting for me in secret. He longs for me to come to Him, to tell Him of my secrets. To confess my sin, my weaknesses, fears, vulnerability, my selfishness. to tell Him that I actually believe He is strong enough to hold me, to give an answer that will be good, to be willing to believe that he will provide.
And my own conflict resolved itself today as several of us, after much faith walking, praying, asking for wisdom, asking for intervention and for His peace.
I have also learned to truly say, “God you love my children and husband and friends more than I do. You are perfectly capable of taking care of this situation. I will give it to you and wait to see you care for this need or issue.”
Dreams, feelings, longings matter to him because I am his beloved child. Perhaps he even placed them there. Perhaps He wants to expand them or help me in a very personal way—or comfort me while I wait.
To think of Him waiting and willing to answer, to love me, to talk to me to respond--to change the course of history because I came to Him, my Father.
Oh, to leave Him waiting with me not showing up.
Oh, Father. Thank you for waiting for me here, my secret place with you, where you do not allow anyone else to interrupt, or bother us. You are so very considerate to make this time for me. I come to you as a little girl, I am here to be your beloved daughter. May you know how very grateful I am to have you all to myself. I love you, my dearest of all dearest Fathers.
Do you ever, like me, neglect to answer God’s call? Do you ever leave Him waiting?
Sometimes we do so because we just don’t know what to say. Maybe we are feeling dry and exhausted, and we don’t even know what to read in His word.
I pray my words encourage and help to you as you’re answering God’s call each day.
