Dear Sally, HELP!!!!!!!! Love, A Mom
Dear Sweet Friend,
I have felt a need for help so very often, myself, so I offer you my best advice. First of all, breathe in peace as much as possible! Always plan to take a little time for yourself until you can get perspective. Even if it is being surrounded by littles or bigs. Put on music that pleases your own sensibilities. (I am so grateful for my Spotify) I have had to learn that no one else in the world will be responsible for my over-all well being. Everyone just thinks mamas are endless in their capacities to keep going. I have a husband and children who need me, and as I have said before, they are going to want to continue eating every day and to wear relatively clean clothes, with the expectation that I will be the one to make both those things possible! However, there are times I run out of soul-fuel and have to stop it all to refuel my tank. Then there are friends, ministry, responsibilities…….!
I am responsible for my rest, my quiet time, my healthy eating and at least some exercise, filling my cup so it will not be empty when others take from me, and I am also the manager of my chill time. Laughing and lightening up really brings health to the bones. “A joyful heart is good medicine” has been proved by medical research! And we all know that is not our first response when we get out of bed in the mornings and realize it is still Covid season and we are still restricted.
There are many tasks calling my name around the house, but I have become the queen of turning my head away and trying to stick to my most important priorities. I have found there will be just as many things screaming for my attention tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.
But today, I know that my body and mind need a little rest, and my emotions become frayed and I become grumpy if I don't create a little break. No one else is going to tell me when I have reached my limit. But if I do not monitor myself, my children and husband and I will come to regret it when I blow up!
Though still learning, I am always simplifying and evaluating things in my life to determine if they are worth the effort necessary. I do think making things beautiful and special during the holidays is worth the effort, as it builds the taste and values and work ethic and ministry skills of my children--but all in its season, and only so much.
Not everything we have always done before has to be done this year. Fast food with candles lit is just fine. But it may not be worth it to answer one more phone call or one more email--as this will certainly steal from my children and husband who need me today.
Each of us has a different puzzle and personality, and we must accept our limitations within our own story and be comfortable being ourselves. There is great freedom in deciding to enjoy who I am, as I am not going to essentially change any time soon! I see so many moms seeking to live up to other's expectations and ideals and then burning out in the process. I have high work times, and then times when I just can't get anything done--and somehow the world does not crash when I take time to just live and enjoy, and avoid the "I have to do everything or I will be a failure" syndrome.
It is why I have my cup of tea every day--a way of saying, "I will take time for a moment of pleasure and peace, because it centers me, and I have decided I will last a lot longer in this very long distance race of life, if I build anchors of serendipity into my schedule."
If you and I don't eventually make peace with our own life circumstances, then we are in danger of cultivating a heart of bitterness, inadequacy, guilt or whining, or having some sort of breakdown. But if we become the conductors of our own life symphonies and live within our own melodies of life, we will last longer and more gracefully with the God of peace, who leads us.
Spend time in God's word and let Him love you and love Him back. He came for you--He came to comfort. Let His comfort be yours. You cannot find peace without the Prince of Peace.
Take time to regroup today--Go eat some chocolate, and don't feel guilty as you are eating it--that is a waste of good chocolate! Listen to some beautiful music, watch a heart-warming movie, take a nap, eat on paper plates! The rest of December is still coming and you will be the better for it! I'll be praying for you!
Love, Sally