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And He said to them, "Come away by yourselves to a secluded place and rest a while." (For there were many people coming and going, and they did not even have time to eat.) ~ Mark 6:31
Saturday morning, about 11:00, my husband text me and said, “Warning, you will find me and another guy at the from door in 5 minutes moving some furniture home from the office. (They kind of social distanced as they were in two vehicles, but the move had to be done.)
“You might want to hide someplace.”
Boy did he get that right, but not because of being in my pajamas—I just wanted the whole world to leave me alone and let me catch up with myself—to have nothing and no one who needed me.
For the first time, almost that I can remember, I was still in my pajamas, had hardly moved from the couch, except for a cup of strong tea, then a cappuccino with half and half whip cream, and then a sweet muffin, fruit with another cup of strong tea. I just could not make myself do one more responsible thing.
It is possible that you might not have changed out of your pajamas for a few days, you might be tired. No one else has made you a meal because you have not been to a restaurant for weeks. Probably there is a part of you, or many parts of you, that feels worn out, you might feel worn out and unlovely. You probably need a civilized moment, all to yourself. It is not frivolous, it is necessary. This morning, I am sipping very strong coffee (french press variety) and still in my pj’s, again, (though it is just 9:30). and taking a few minutes to breathe. I just never had time to get dressed because I have been un since 6:30 working. And I knew I needed a 15 minute, one woman coffee time before moving on to the rest of the day's demands.
In today's whirlwind culture, it's become common to feel pressed to "power through" every possible situation in life. Whether we are ill, exhausted, or dealing with a personal crisis, (or keeping up with children and grandchildren thousands of miles away:)), we seem hesitant to take time to refresh ourselves. Putting on a brave face, taking a deep breath, and drinking yet another cup of coffee may help for awhile, but it isn't the best answer long-term when we realize we're truly exhausted in body, soul, and/or spirit. Sometimes require us to power through, but if we never make time to take a break, there will be consequences physically, mentally, spiritually. When we are empty, we have to refuel, as human beings made with legitimate needs.
Even though I love ministering to and inspiring others to Biblical ideals, I get physically and emotionally drained. Much of my life at this point is work, (isn’t that true for most all women?) as God has opened doors of opportunity for me to speak and write and I do love women and want to come along side them. All of my energy has to be focused outwardly, which is not natural to my personality. It's no wonder that often, I feel a deep need to get away and be by myself. I am not natural at being in the center of attention, so I have to have time to get back to my personal emotional center. I need reflective time alone to refill my spiritual well.
I am also probably ADD for my whole life. Sitting still in one place is foreign to me. Traveling, finding new places, stimulation of many kinds (walking, reading, meeting, working in professional places, traveling, going to conferences, visiting my children, most of all) is something I feed on. And of course none of these is possible for this restless girl right now.
The constancy of life also helped me understand why I needed regular time away from my children. As a young mama who chose to home educate my children, I had committed to a life that was not an introverted lifestyle, or adult in nature or professional. Four little people, eventually some big people, wanted my attention every moment of the day, and there were always bigs and littles waiting for my time, standing in line. Then when I had a tiny moment to breathe, it seemed Clay was there when my children were through with me!
“Hi, honey, Want to be together for a little while?” Seemed everyone wanted a piece of me every moment of the day. Since I realized over time, it is impossible to find a place or the time to be alone in a house full of people, I have had to learn to be creative.
When I was 44, and writing my first book, there was a wonderful French bakery about ten minutes from my home that became my private getaway. Just the atmosphere ministers to my soul—French-roasted coffee, brick-oven-baked European breads, a fresh-cut flower on each wooden table, baroque music in the background. It is so reminiscent of the Viennese coffeehouses that Clay and I frequented during our years of ministry in Austria. If I could go there even for just an hour in the early morning, by myself, and enjoy my quiche and coffee without anyone begging for a taste, I come home a totally different person.
I would be newly invigorated and ready for the active life of running after the four always-on- the-go, chattering little squirrels I call my children. One year, I would go for breakfast by myself at least once a week at 6:30 in the mornings. (my children were 13, 10, 8 and 2) Clay would get up with the kids, feed them breakfast and I would be home by 8:00 so that he could go to the office. It was a miracle small retreat for me that changed the days for me. Some years, Clay would take the kids to a nature center, out for breakfast, to a book store on Saturday mornings so I could breathe. We had to work this into our overall plan. It didn’t come without intentionality.
On rare occasions of personal crisis, I have needed an extended time alone. Many years ago I suffered a serious miscarriage, during which I lost a large amount of blood, leaving me extremely anemic. While I was recovering, my father became ill and died. I actually had to travel to his side in the hospital in a wheel chair.I I was already drained from starting a new mom's group with classes for 120 children and a Bible study for the mothers, and from a broken relationship with another couple at church. I was exhausted physically, emotionally, and spiritually. To give me time to recuperate, Clay offered to take the kids home to Texas to visit their grandmother for two weeks. I definitely needed their time away.
Out of a sense of duty for him taking the kids, I had in mind that while they were gone I would clean and organize the house, get my files in shape, read a book or two about interests that applied to my parenting and educational goals for my children and to refresh and motivate me. Of course I planned to spend some extended time with the Lord. Instead, I slept a lot, ate my favorite foods, went out to restaurants with my mother who flew in to visit, met a couple of friends for lunch, watched some old movies, and spent some casual time reading my Bible. I accomplished very little while the family was gone, but when they returned I was refreshed, rejuvenated, and ready to get back to real life. I'd just needed some physical, emotional, and spiritual rest--and fun away from all the goals and work of parenting, marriage and motherhood.
Whatever your personality, be sure you allow yourself the time to be refreshed in a way that is right for you. There is no single, one-size-fits--all formula for how and where that happens, but you need enough time with yourself to determine how and where it will happen for you. But when you take care of your personal needs and make time to invest in your own well-being through this marathon of life, you will live a more sustainable life.
Sometimes, the most spiritual thing you can do is take some time alone, eat something delicious and look at something beautiful--and accomplish absolutely nothing visible at all!
Remember: Jesus knew his own disciples needed such time.
And He said to them, "Come away by yourselves to a secluded place and rest a while." (For there were many people coming and going, and they did not even have time to eat.) ~ Mark 6:31
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