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Today, I awakened to gorgeous, dancing snow out my bedroom window. I lit my candles and stared at my flopping tulips in juxtaposition to the snow. A promise of spring against a backdrop of snow—isn’t that how some of our days, years are—a choice to celebrate in the midst of a winter season. I remembered a story when I was feeling very “wintry” in my soul and how the time was transformed and changed the trajectory of my life. It was indeed a day when I learned to “Own My Life” right where I was.
This day, I didn't feel like I could face the demands of my toddling crew one more minute. Hearing them screaming, running, "I'll get to mama first," was sweet enough but at this moment, I didn't think I had one more ounce of strength to meet them as they pounced on me. And so I stayed sitting on the floor behind my couch in my bedroom where they were not tall enough to peer over to see my head. I had been sitting, pondering life with a big cloud hovering at the moment they ran into my room. Oddly, amazingly, they did not find me or even look beyond the couch that hid me. At first it was a fun achievement to me, then it became a refuge for me, away from the demands for just a few quiet minutes.
"God," I asked, "I am stuck in this impossible situation, living with my mother-in-law, in the middle of flatland Texas, amidst critters and bugs, no salary, no friends, no support systems and this is not what I dreamed our life would become. Please show me that you are still there, that somehow I am not invisible."
It was in this very place that Whole Heart Ministries was born. Our future would allow us to write 20+ books, host conferences for tens of thousands of women, work internationally, raise 4 godly kids, but at this particular moment, I could not see into the future. I could not see anything of significance happening at all.
God seemed to whisper to my heart, ... "This is the place I want you to worship Me. Being faithful in these circumstances is where you will find the glory of My favor. This is exactly where I want you. This time of testing will be the making of your faith, the humbling of your heart, the shaping of your character, the writing of your story.
You can choose to waste this time with a bad attitude, to leave this situation, or to waste your days in ungratefulness and complaints. And then your life will continue moving through darkness and dim hallways.
And this day, so many years ago, was when I planted a flag of faith and decided I wanted to take courage, to step forward, to believe God had a roadway ahead that would be filled with flourishing in His grace. I pray that for you, my friends, that you may find your way forward wherever you are—and live to see His light on your path.
You have a choice to make: if you trust Me and live faithfully in this juncture, I will make this a place of favor and honor for you. But if you look for a way out and disqualify yourself from the blessings and favor I had planned to give you, you will find yourself in the midst of a prolonged wilderness."
And one day at a time, God helped me to take one step forward, to put my issues into His hands, to live forward by faith into what He was doing, what I was becoming. And now, as I look back, I am beyond amazed at what He has accomplished on our behalf through His generous faithfulness. How important it was, I can see now, that I learned to own my life right where I was, to dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.
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