"It is for freedom that Christ set us free, therefore, keep standing firm that you may not be subject to a yoke of slavery."
~ Galatians 5:1
We’ve had a lovely Christmas and New Year, even in the midst of the difficult lockdown here in the U.K. There aren’t a quarter of the decorative things to take down and pack away as we snuggle into our little house in Oxford, which is a blessing of itself! Finding ways to enjoy and celebrate life—and even have fun—takes a bit more work than usual, under such odd circumstances. And yet, it may be more important than ever.
What a crazy year—what a crazy few days. If we weren’t all struggling before, there are new issues to face after the terrible attack on Wednesday. Grace to all of you. Grace and peace amidst all of the conflicting ways we are feeling about life. But overall, struggling in dark times is a healthy reaction. And now, you and I need more time to regroup than ever.
Do you know that God crafted different personalities so that women could express different attributes of God and His strengths? It is knowing this that encourages me, reminding me that each mama needs to find her own way as she lives with her family in the time in which they live.
I wrote a chapter in Seasons of a Mother's Heart about legalism imposed upon us by others that produces burdens God never intended us to carry. I find it interesting that God purposely left many areas in scripture very vague. There are no lists about just how to discipline a child, exactly what to do or say at each age, for instance. There is no rule book about what a mom should cook if she is really dedicated to bringing health to her family, or what exact music is acceptable and what music would indeed lead a child astray. Or even what it really looks like to submit to a husband—which is good, since (they are all different and have different preferences!
There is not even a verse that says, "Every mother should stay with her children all the time every hour or else they are not spiritual and their children will go astray." Or, or, or. There is so much in scripture about living by faith, trusting God; both Jesus and even Paul were very clear about not having the heart of a Pharisee and putting heavy loads on people.
Instead, we are to use wisdom principles and have quiet times and grow in maturity. I came to the conclusion that if I wanted to pass on my life and beliefs and vision to my children, I needed to be the one who invested time in them and won their hearts, out of the integrity of my own heart.
But, seeing my children do well in life and love the Lord and us and continue growing is not as a result of a list of rules that I followed, but of following the Lord, praying, obeying Him and seeking His wisdom, living by faith and watching His grace. God is in charge and will work in and through the personality and circumstances of my life uniquely, if I walk with Him.
There are many wonderful teachers and speakers who have good hearts and love the Lord and want to encourage others. But the word of God is to be our final ideal, and not just "wisdom" from others that is extra-Biblical and not scripture--and I find God to be a better task master than most humans I have ever known.
So many young moms lacked good families, and now they want to "do it right" with their own children, so they are willing to believe anything in print or that they heard a speaker say—and then put themselves under great burdens in the name of Christian ideals.
These difficult pathways lead to disappointment with self and with your own children, because they will never ever measure up to someone else's standard. Then, these sweet moms find themselves wanting to give up ideals because they are very depressed or overwhelmed and unable to serve this impossible master. There is no grace and peace in legalism and a rules-based life.
I find that the longer I walk with the Lord, the more freedom I feel to be who I am. I don't have to live by anyone else's laws. Clay and I just have to answer to God and scripture, not to an arbitrary list of someone else's standards. I think living overseas and traveling a lot has helped in this area a little.
Every culture I see and each national I meet has a different tradition of worshiping God, and a different set of circumstances to deal with as they strive to apply the word of God to their lives. This helps me see God is so much bigger and beyond my own box. And yet, He allows all of us, from so many different points of view, to enter into His rest and redemption and forgiveness because of His wonderful, gracious love.
Every family is broken in some way, yours, mine, always will be ‘till we get to heaven. But that is where the grace of God comes in—it really is a way of breathing life into our limitations and brokenness. And I have seen that even living imperfectly, but by faith, has show God’s grace in the lives of our family—in spite of our imperfections.
So, my real desire in writing this article is to give moms permission to be themselves! There is no "one right way". Each of you has a different puzzle to solve--different children's personalities, husbands, and even a different personality yourself. Some of you are introverts and some extroverts. Some trained and educated in high spiritual values, and some coming at it for the first time.
But the bottom line is, that as a wise woman, you need to figure out how you can best make it in the long run--loving God and loving your family, and finding ways to do this so that your own spirit is filled with life and joy.
You are just exactly the right person, the one who God picked to shepherd these children in ways that no one else could. So live in that freedom today and enjoy your own unique family culture. This is the day the Lord has made--rejoice in the moments and be glad.