No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
Hebrews 12:11
"Could you P L E A S E stop fussing!" I remember so many times when I thought I was making absolutely no progress at all in training my children. Constantly, I had to stand against my children's selfishness, self-centeredness, fusses, and arguments of, "He did it!" Then there was the, "How many times do I have to ask you to make your bed?” (Or clean your room, pick up after yourself, not talk in that voice!) and so on.
So many people who meet my children as adults and read our stories falsely get the impression that it was just easier for me! But, I tell you, I have earned every gray hair that is on my head--through stress and strain, lots of tears, and endless praying--begging God for His intervention. So many sweet mamas think they have failed their children, are doing a bad job, or think other moms never make mistakes.
Yet we aren’t alone when our children resist us! You only have to look at the history of the Jews in the Bible to understand that all of God's children resisted Him. Even as He entered Jerusalem, He said, "O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing."
The history of Christianity, all the way from Genesis to Revelation, is God's children resisting him! And we are still doing it. So many times I wanted to have fun with the kids and bless them in some way, and they would choose to act in a childish way and my plan for a peaceful or fun moment would be spoiled because the situation would require discipline once again.
If your children are resisting you, then you must be working against their selfish and self-centered egos and moving them into a direction of maturity. That’s a good thing! There is no magic formula that will make them mature. It is training them day in day out, "no not this, but this is the way to behave," over and over and over again: giving them chores to do and coming alongside and doing them. Teaching them manners and correcting and instructing them again and again. Helping them memorize scripture and using the Word to teach them about wrong attitudes versus good attitudes, training them to learn to love, helping them to become unselfish.
And of course, aiming training at the heart, their motivation, seeking to cooperate with their age, sex, personality, and issues. Learning to be a student of their inside attitudes is a mysterious process that requires lots of faith, wisdom, and experience. God's grace was always there, and He took my paltry offerings. I have compared myself many times to the little boy with the loaves and fish--He took what I offered and made it enough.
My children did not usually say, "Thanks so much, mama, for feeding me broccoli." Or, “Thanks for all the hard work you make me do." or, "I just love it when you correct my attitudes and make me write out verses or empty the dishwasher or stay in my room alone. to think about my actions!"
All discipline, as it says in Hebrews, for the moment seems not to be joyful but sorrowful, yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards, it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.
"Afterwards" from this passage, is when your muscle mass is sagging, your hair is turning grey and you have wrinkles around your eyes.
Hang on, mamas! All of your training will eventually matter so very greatly--but it may not, probably will not be affirmed at the moment in which it is given. It is a long pathway of life, never instant, and always through some dark passages.
Resisting training is normal, but the trained child will indeed become strong and healthy. God in his wisdom, designed mamas to be the life, heart, and soul-coaches, the ones who would hold up the bar of Biblical ideals, train and instruct towards those ideals and then draw out the God-giving potential that rests in each of our children and in us, to bring about the excellence of character and strength of spirit and grace in relationships.
Another side-blessing was that in taking responsibility for my children’s souls, and seeking what was excellent for them, I became stronger, more mature, and more excellent in the process, too--that God! He has His sneaky ways! And in the end, by submitting to His training by requiring me to train my sweet ones, I end up becoming stronger and more the person I always wanted to grow into, also, little by little.
So, today, take a deep breath, lean into the whole miraculous process and enjoy the way. Reach high, over and over again. Don't take yourself and your guilty moments too seriously, persevere and you will see the wisdom of God flourishing in and through your own home.
You are doing a great job--it just doesn't always feel like it!