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GIVING THE GIFT OF FRIENDSHIP
Teach Your Children to Put Others First
“True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less.”
~ C. S. Lewis
My kids and Clay are truly my best friends.(Harder and harder to get all of us together. We missed Sarah & Crew, who couldn’t make it.)
We understand one another the best. We like the same food, (generally speaking), we all drink tea! We are also different as can be. Some introverts, some extraverts, etc. We have conflict from time to time, we live all over. But, we are each others people and our home was the place we learned how to make and become one another’s friends.
As a mother, you’re faced with the challenge of a world that generally teaches people to think mostly of themselves. But Jesus taught us to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:37), and Paul taught us to be like Christ and “not merely look out for your own interests, but also for the interests of others” (Philippians 2:2).
Your task is to help your children develop a Christ-like heart, mind, and soul in a self-serving culture in which they will live as adults.
Our children will adopt a “putting others first” heart only if we first help them have God’s mind about selflessness. Instructing our children in what it truly means to put the needs of others first will enable them to be great friends and have great friends.
How does this happen?
Set a good example: Little eyes will always be watching! You’re their first model. Are you displaying an example of serving joyfully? Or do you dread putting others first and see it as a daunting task?
In your own friendships, model the same behavior that you would hope your children will exhibit. As your little ones watch your interactions, they will learn and be inspired by your own selflessness.
Model opened eyes: It’s so easy to create virtual “blinders” that prevent us from seeing the needs of people around us—all we see is what is right in front of us. Teach your children to open their eyes to the needs of others.
Talk to them about various situations that others are in, whether friends or strangers, and
about how they would want to be treated if they were in another person’s shoes. Focus on the Golden Rule:
“In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and
the Prophets” (Matthew 7:12).
Model opened ears: Being a good listener is a crucial aspect of becoming a great friend. Encourage your children to follow James’s advice to always be “quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger” (1:19).
Home is a wonderful and comfortable place to practice and learn listening skills. For instance, learning how to ask questions and listen is a great way to make friends. Role-play a mock conversation with a friend by having your child ask you questions and listen to your response, and then have them tell back to you what they heard, not just in your words but also in your expressions, tone of voice, and body language.
Model at home showing genuine interest in others by interviewing mom or dad about their life story, or asking siblings about their day.
Make the dinner table a place and time of discovery, with each person finding
out new things about the others. When we ask questions and listen, we are showing others that we care about what they have to say.
I hope this conversation will give you lots of ideas!
