Build a Long Term Marriage

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41 Years of Marriage.

Marriage begins with romantic ideals.

Then there is life—22 moves, 8 internationally; 4 children, 3 miscarriages, morning sickness 9 months of pregnancies, almost dying from blood loss from one miscarriage, car wrecks, financial challenges, illness, a fire in our home, 3 floods in our house, church splits, relative problems, ministry problems... stress!

Nothing quite prepared me, as an untrained young woman, to know how to bear all of the stresses we would face by being a family.

It was several years before I realized, "This is it? It is not going to change—these are the defining issues of our marriage, our children, our family and they are not going to change?" And yet, I had been taught to seek God’s word, to pray and to obey and live in wisdom.

Gary Thomas joins me today to talk about his book Making Your Marriage a Fortress.

Here's my best advice.

1. Just like salvation, You should work out your marriage with fear and trembling.

Take it slow, seriously—it is one of the most profound legacies, stories you will ever live in reflecting faith, love, beauty in your lifetime.

2. No one is perfect but everyone wants and needs to be loved.

That means you, your spouse, your children, your friend. Be humble, love generously, forgive often, learn to practice grace as a way of life.

3. Maturity grows slowly over a lifetime not in the heat of an argument.

It takes a lifetime to really learn the depths of love—give yourself time to grow. Don’t react to every situation.

4. Don’t store up resentment for a rainy day. A violent storm destroys life. Don’t stuff things or keep a score card—it will end up in devastation. Write in a journal, learn to communicate so you can solve your differences peacefully and at the time of discord. And don’t over react.

5. Your children are watching you to learn how they should relate to others, especially when they are older. Patterns can last a lifetime.

6. Never make a life-changing decision in the midst of drama, depression or difficulty. Wait until life settles down and remember that marriage is a long-life legacy. Take time to change, to simmer down, to forgive. Don’t make decisions prematurely. More on my podcast.

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