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Be for Your Child
Here we are checking on the Queen in Buckingham Palace! What a whirlwind my life has been in the past few days. Speaking at a small, private retreat-getaway of mums here in Oxford was challenging and encouraging for me. Then, I literally ran for about 15 minutes to catch a train to London where I ran all over London with Joy, as Nathan and Keelia flew over from America. Walking miles all over our favorite places in London filled our day, and finally, we are back in our home in Oxford to celebrate ten days of life together as “the Clarksons.”
One of the things it has caused me to ponder, again, is how important it is for all of us and especially our children to have a champion for them, to affirm their uniqueness, to give space for them to live fully into their own adult decisions and to continue, as Christ does to us, affirming and loving them as they are.
A favorite verse of my mother when I was a little girl was, “If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31 NIV, emphasis added).
To be for someone means that you are their advocate and you will support them, believe in their dreams, and want the best for them. There are endless ways to show love and to provide a foundational championing of our children. The essence of this kind of love is actually a comprehensive understanding of all the areas of love: “I am for you.” “I am your advocate.” “I will believe forward into the good things I can imagine for your life.” “You can count on me.” “I will choose to believe the best about you and help you grow and find support your whole life.”
Being “for” someone does not mean that they will always exhibit the kind of behavior or character we deem admirable. But it is looking at our children with unconditional love and cultivating eyes that see the possibilities in the midst of the “terrible twos” of toddlers or hormonal teen years.
Now that my children are all full-fledged adults with their own life demands, I find I still play the role of encourager, being for them in a world that challenges their faith, morality, and ideals. We become the voice of God’s Spirit as we encourage them and help them continue to find that embracing ideals is worth the cost. We are companions of the grace of God.
Bearing patiently with one another, assuming the best, persevering in love is the key to continuing to trust. And asking for forgiveness and being humble is a part of any good relationship.
As we evaluate how to love our children and students well, we must ask ourselves, “Do they believe and feel I have their best interests in mind, or do they think I have my own agenda for them?” “Do they understand that even though they struggle, I am here to help them succeed?” “Is their heart opento my instruction, or is there a wedge of resistance that I need to figure out and address?”
In the end, laying down our lives to love those we seek to influence will open the pathways of their hearts and minds to growth, development, and mental and spiritual strength. The most intelligent instructor in the world becomes a noisy gong or clanging symbol to the mind of a child if there is not love present in the relationship. But the ones who purposefully and intentionally lay down their lives to do the hard work of loving and winning hearts will find a pathway to influencing their children for a lifetime.