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Family Way #4: “We listen to correction and accept discipline with a submissive spirit.”
Memory verse: “All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.”
My son, Nathan, is one of my best friends, a hero to me. He understands me. When we are together, we savor alone time just to be friends. Walking in Oxford together shaped warm memories.
When Nathan was a little boy, he often related to life through all the stories he carried in his heart.
Nathan loved the story of the Black Stallion — a stunning, wild, untamed, powerful, jet-black horse that eventually became one of the fastest horses alive, or so the story goes!
When Nathan was a little boy and I would have to discipline him, I would explain, “Nathan, a great race horse like the Black Stallion had such potential to win a blue ribbon in races against all of the horses in the world. But until this strong, wild horse learned to submit to the reins of the jockey, it was just a wild horse with potential. To be able to run the race, he had to submit himself to the direction of the master, and accept the reins. Nate, you are like that great wild stallion — so much potential to be a champion, so strong — but you have got to learn to accept the reins of our discipline so that you can run your race in life like a champion!”
Cuddled up on the couch, squished together in rapt attention, there were teachable moments as my children would look with wide eyes and open hearts when I would read them tales of conquerors and heroes — those who gave the strength of their lives to bettering or redeeming the world. Oh, how they loved great stories! And when their little imaginations were captured with those stories, I would seize the moment and say,
“To become a world class champion requires struggle, discipline, commitment and the will to submit to the process of developing greatness, and I believe that God has created each one of you to be a champion for His kindgom in your lifetime. I wonder how you are going to be used by God to change your world for the better? Maybe one of you will be a great writer like C.S.Lewis, or a great composer like Handel when he wrote the Messiah! Or a war hero, or a missionary, or doctor — there are no limitations to what God can do through normal people who submit to His training and live by the power of His spirit inside of us!”
Discussions of bravery, sacrifice, honor, submission to life lessons would ensue and these were the moments when the souls of my children were formed.
“What do you think it costs to become a great soldier?” I would ask.
“What if you were called to be a great writer — what kind of discipline would that take?”
“What if God wanted you to write great music that would encourage and comfort people all over the world? How would you become the best?”
And so on — capturing their imaginations with the principles of discipline was a part of inspiring them to submit to our discipline, training and instruction.
Of course, much of training is repetition, over and over and over and talking all along the way.
Yet, reaching the heart with training is as much inspiration as it is training. Both are necessary — training in truth and wisdom, practicing submitting to that training — but knowing that with the submission comes a reward.
God does not arbitrarily issue us commandments to be hard on us. His commandments, which must be obeyed, are for our best — to protect us, to bless us, to cause us happiness and to help us become the best we can be.
Understanding that bravery, heroism, greatness — a champion made comes from submitting to training and to discipline, is a truth that will allow all children and all adults to be teachable and trainable to greatness.
It seemed we had to learn to use this “way” often in the discipline and training of our children: “Our goal is for you to learn to obey. When you learn to obey mom and dad, you will practice becoming a trained child so that you will be able to hear God's voice and be able to obey Him.”
If obedience is secured only through force, instead of securing the heart — and the imagination of the heart — then the obedience will only take place when force is exerted. Many wonderful children have entered the world to find it a place of great temptation and allure. There are no guarantees of what choices our children will make or what their path will be.
However, I think for our own children, having a vision of why they needed to submit — to understand that choosing to obey shaped their own ability to become strong inside in order to become someone morally strong and powerful to bring righteousness into the world — greatly enhanced their desire to actually do the submitting.
The goal of our training in asking our children to submit to discipline and to listen to our correction, wasn’t just the behavior secured, but it was to help our children develop a responsive and teachable heart, so that they would choose to bow their knee to God’s ways, when we were with them and when they were alone.
They developed their own internal sense of wanting to become disciplined, trained adults who could pursue ideals of excellence for their Lord, because the motivation of their hearts had been secured.
And so we told many stories of soldiers, athletes, missionaries, leaders of every kind, other heroes in scripture like Daniel. We explained that discipline and submission was the pathway to strength and character and we were their best cheerleaders as we trained, corrected and encouraged them toward the vision of owning their lives to become someone who would have a great contribution to make in their world.
How are you painting a vision for the person they will become when they learn to “take the reins?”