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"Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be." — Abraham Lincoln
What a fun memory in this photo—making friends with a horse and guard as I walked toward Trafalgar Square in London. Not sure what the guard thought, but the horse and I became friends. I was learning to celebrate each moment of life—though it was a long journey.
After I became a believer, I worked my way to righteousness: I attended church, Bible studies, tithed, decided to go into Christian work. I subconsciously expected God to bless my obedience by giving me everything I desired in life: marriage, family, success in my work. I thought in my heart, "I will be happy when I get married." I married at 28 and was surprised marriage didn't soothe the restlessness, complaining, make me happy in my circumstances.
I thought a child might fulfill me. I prayed, "Lord bless me with a child." I had 3 babes in the next 5 years. Instead of being fulfilled, I was overwhelmed with the responsibility of motherhood. I found myself thinking, "I will be happy when…” I filled in the blanks with a list in my mind (when the kids are out of diapers, or I have more friends, a bigger salary).
I loved my people dearly, but struggled with life.
The list marched grew daily. Over time, my expectations grew. Finally, it dawned on me that this is the "broken place." Earth is a temporary place where people are all sinful and subject to the disappointments of a fallen world. I can picture ideals, dreams of the life for which I was created, but Jesus never promised I would experience fulfillment in this world. I realized that if I didn't build my expectations on eternal realities, I would never be happy.
I had to become willing to place myself at the altar of God's will. I had to relinquish expectations about life, God, relationships—that I held tightly in my fist. With each relinquishment, I discovered I could trust God, find happiness.
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