"Feeling" The Love of God Through Growing Close Relationships

Unwinding in my cozy little library, I was so engrossed in my book that I didn’t even realize the sun was setting. But then I was jolted out of my reverie by the familiar sound of my cell ringtone.

“Hi, Mama!” chimed the familiar voice of one of my adult children. “I’ve been really busy, but I just needed to hear your voice, to know that you love me and are thinking about me. You know, there’s no substitute for your words of love. Helps me feel closer to God somehow.”

I get a call like that nearly every day—and I make a few calls of my own. My children and I are a tight-knit group, joined at the hip, fast and dedicated friends. They all live and work in very secular arenas and are taxed to their souls on a regular basis. All four travel all over the world for their jobs and schools, have their own groups of friends, and function as reasonably mature adults.

And yet, wherever they go, it is very difficult to meet adults who hold their values, beliefs, morals. Intentionality in our friendship costs time, thoughtfulness, heart investment. Yet, our friendship grows deeper and deeper through the years because they feel a need for a touchpoint with someone who "gets" them and loves them as they are. Next to Clay, my children are my best friends, and we remain their dearest companions. But we are also the tangible fingers and arms of God to keep them in the circle of his love.

Because of back surgery, Clay cannot travel much. But he regularly sends me to places my children live as a "live" picture of our love, cheerleading and devotion to helping them stay fast in their faith. A part of our calling of "home" is to give our children a stable sense of the good foundations of what we believe and then to help them have reason to keep faithful to those foundations after they leave the physical structure of our home. Home is the place we build vibrant, life-giving relationships that last a lifetime.

So it was with Jesus and His disciples. Sharing meals, walking together on dusty roads, having exuberant discussions about theology, sleeping under the stars, sharing hopes and fears, and enjoying some good laughs in between it all—this was the nature of Jesus’ friendships. He wove His love and grace into the lives of all who were close to Him. And as a result they were energized, driven, and excited to spend the rest of their lives telling the world about their closest and most trusted Friend.

When the relational aspect is removed from faith, Christianity becomes a list of rules to keep, a dry obedience to abstract facts. The heart is left feeling perpetually unsatisfied. Over time, doubts and insecurities creep into our faith, and we may begin to develop guilt for not being spiritual enough. We start to hope that no one notices our failure, and—the worst consequence—we may even try to hide our dissatisfaction from God.

This is not even remotely God’s will for our lives. It is a lie of the evil one whispering to us in our inadequacy. Satan wants us to live in condemnation for all the ways we are imperfect in loving. The insidious thing is that the deceptive narrative is self- perpetuating.

It not only makes us believe that God just wants our obedience and good works but also makes us feel like failures when we inevitably don’t live up to those standards, and this causes us to draw even further away from God.

When we observe the lives of those closest to Jesus in His earthly life—the disciples—it becomes immediately apparent that they were alive with faith and hope. Even as flawed human beings, they were filled with a power that can come only from being loved and accepted by their Savior.

This liberating love is still offered to us. God wants to be as close to us as Jesus was to His disciples and to inspire the same kindness and goodness in our hearts. If we as parents can learn to embrace our relationship with God, we will be empowered to create for our children and anyone else who crosses our doorsteps a true culture of love—a home environment where the life of God is breathed through all moments and love becomes the fuel for living with hope, purpose, and expectation.

Ultimately, God desires that we instill in the hearts of those around us the same love that has been made real in our lives. That is the crux of discipleship. Our disciples—whether they be our children, our friends, or anyone else in our care—must eventually be sent out into the world as Jesus sent out His disciples.

When they have grasped the vision of the Kingdom and the King who rules it, they, too, can be world redeemers. But they need to be prepared. Jesus knew He was sending out His disciples into a world where they would often be rejected and abused. He taught them how to handle painful encounters and asked the Father to keep them from the evil one while they were about His business. And over and over, He infused them with His love and taught them to love one another.

Our children, too, will go out into an antagonistic, difficult society. But the power that will hold them fast to the ideals they learned at home will be the bonds of love and the deep companionship we shared with them, the compassion and kindness and grace we gave to them during hard times, and the constant reassurance that they are precious to us and to God. Whatever we have spoken into the daily lives of our children is what they will hear when they are far away.

The Power of Sharing Encouraging Words

"Sweet boy, I love your heart. I love your passion for life. I love your inquisitive mind. The fact that you ask questions so much means you have an active mind. I think you will become a Daniel in your generation, giving a picture of faith to many who do not know how to believe. And I am soooo very glad God gave you to me."

Nathan had been cuddling up to me, wearily leaning under my shoulder with big, sad eyes, as he spoke of getting reprimanded for talking too much in a class, again! So often, his bubbling up got him into trouble. But slowly over years, God had given me a view of his heart, beyond his behavior. I knew that deep inside, there was a desire to know answers, to live well, to be a hero--a superman in his lifetime. But God gave him a mama to draw out the hero that was inside, in spite of the little boy that could not control his tongue or his overactive body.

Encouraging and affirming words—words of life, as I like to call them—have the power to give hope, to strengthen others to keep growing in righteousness. And if I, a grown woman, need them to keep me going through hard times, my children need them even more. Positive words act as water and sunshine to our souls to help them grow strong. Yet I have found that very few people really take the time to say those words that all of us, and especially our children, long to hear.

"I love and appreciate you!" "Your friendship means a lot to me!" "I believe in you and in what God is doing in your life!" "You are special to the Lord and to me, and I am praying for you."

Thinking good thoughts about someone doesn't really bless that person. We have to take the initiative actually to say the words—in person, through a card or e-mail, or even through a phone call.

As I look to the life of Jesus, I see that he constantly blessed people with his words. He often spoke encouragement and affirmation directly to those around him or affirmed them before others.

To the woman who had been hemorrhaging for twelve years, he said, "Daughter, take courage; your faith has made you well" (Matthew 9:22). Even as his touch healed her body, his encouraging words must have healed her heart.

As Mary of Bethany sat at Jesus' feet, he spoke words to her sister that were obviously intended for her ears as well: "Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her" (Luke10:42).  How good those words of support must have felt after she had just been scolded for her poor manners and faulty hospitality.

Jesus greeted Nathanael, whom he would call to be his follower, with strong words of praise: "Behold, an Israelite indeed, in whom is no deceit!" (John 1:47, NKJV).

And at least twice in the Gospels, we see Jesus pronouncing his favor and appreciation to women who anointed him. The first was a woman who was known to be a "sinner" (Luke 7:37-48). Jesus commended her in front of a Pharisee, which must have felt like affirmation indeed. The second time (which is mentioned twice, in Matthew 26:6-13 and Mark 14:9), Jesus commended the woman by promising her deed would be remembered "wherever this gospel is preached in the whole world" (Matthew 26:13). Imagine how she must have felt when he said that! Jesus truly had a spirit of appreciation, affirmation, and encouragement.

Jesus was especially careful to uplift and motivate his disciples with his words. From the beginning he spoke of their potential and their future, saying he would make them "fishers of men," that they would do great wonders, that he loved them just as the Father loved them. And he spoke individual words of blessing they never forgot:

"Blessed are you, Simon Barjona," he said to Peter, "because flesh and blood did not reveal this to you, but My Father who is in heaven. I also say to you that you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build My church; and the gates of Hades will not overpower it" (Matthew 16:17-18).

Now, imagine how special you would feel if Jesus himself affirmed that your insights were revealed to you by God. And then to have him call you a "rock" and say he would build his church on the solid foundation of your life—what confidence those words would inspire. What an anchor of hope it would provide in times of doubt to remember that Jesus had said such things about you. To have the Son of God choose you to lead his church would indeed be a solid foundation from which to minister. Such words would carry you through many a time of doubt.

Even on the last night before his crucifixion, Jesus built up his disciples with words of love, encouragement, and hope. All through that Upper Room Discourse, he poured out words of love, strength, and comfort that would carry them through the painful days to come and through their lives of service to him.

Words matter! They have the power mysteriously to enter our hearts and minds and lift us beyond the present moment into the presence of God himself. How important it is, then, that we mothers, shepherds of our children's lives and hearts, choose our words to them carefully. We must deliberately aim our words at their hearts in such a way as to give our children hope, faith, strength, and also to point them toward the redeeming love of Christ. We can become the affirming voice of God to our children, just as we become a picture of his redeeming reality in their everyday lives. In this way we extend the gift of grace.

Partially Excerpted from The Ministry of Motherhood, available here at Amazon.

Building a Long-Term Perspective of Wisdom (new podcast!)

I've been pondering the value of perspective a lot lately, and so decided to share thoughts on this important topic with you in my podcast this week!

Looking back over my life, I realize I hadn’t ever really thought much about being a mom.  I wanted to marry, but never really brought children into the picture in my imagination!  You might say ... my view of the future lacked some perspective.  Perspective is a word with a Latin root which means one looks through a circumstance to see something—to perceive something.  When we say a person has perspective, it means they are looking at the world from a proper perspective, able to understand life and the various aspects of every situation. When I speak with moms I realize most of us come into motherhood lacking perspective.  Perspective would have helped us to know that all children would need lots of work, all marriages would be unions between two sinful people needing God’s grace, that all lives would require a lot of faith and longsuffering and grace.

To me, faith gives me the perspective of seeing life as long-term journey. Proverbs 31 gives us a beautiful picture of what a woman with perspective can be ...

An excellent wife, who can find?

For her worth is far above jewels.

The heart of her husband trusts in her,

And he will have no lack of gain.

She does him good and not evil

All the days of her life.

She looks for wool and flax

And works with her hands in delight.

She is like merchant ships;

She brings her food from afar...

She girds herself with strength

And makes her arms strong.

She senses that her gain is good;

Her lamp does not go out at night. ...

She extends her hand to the poor,

And she stretches out her hands to the needy.

She is not afraid of the snow for her household,

For all her household are clothed with scarlet. ...

Strength and dignity are her clothing,

And she smiles at the future.

She opens her mouth in wisdom,

And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

She looks well to the ways of her household,

And does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children rise up and bless her;

Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:

"Many daughters have done nobly,

But you excel them all."

This is God's design for a woman with perspective! Over many years I've developed such admiration for Clay, my husband.  We are very different and both have our strengths and weaknesses and I know he appreciates what I am able to bring to our home as a woman who walks with God.

When my children were young, I used to feel insecure and guilty, sometimes.  I could feel like a victim when the kids made messes or when someone was very ill and it seemed to go on forever—too often, I found myself reacting rather than pulling up my sleeves and determining to have a good attitude and trust, to decide what my behavior would be even before the tough things happened.

The truth is, even if you sometimes are tempted to feel like a victim, God has given you great strength and you are truly able to accomplish much more than you think you can.  Jesus is praying for you. The Spirit is filing you. You can live in the grace of God! In order to do that, we have to study His word.

I taught my children Psalm 1 when they were very young.  It's one of our family favorites, and I especially appreciate verse 1:

How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked,

Nor stand in the path of sinners,

Nor sit in the seat of scoffers!

In other words, blessed is the man who does not put him (or her!) -self in front of unwise people to receive counsel.  What voices are we listening to?  It goes on to tell us, don’t stand in the path of wickedness or evil—don’t tolerate those who walk that way.  Don't just overlook it or turn a blind eye and continue to spend time with those who are looking for life and wisdom outside and away from God's ways.

It also warns us not to sit in the seat of scoffers— those who judge and criticize; those who are cynical or display a denigrating attitude and caustic voice toward others.  That attitude does not please God, and we are told not to spend much time there, either, if we desire to develop a godly perspective.

Instead, we walk in the light of Christ.  We can ask Him to enlighten us, to give us His wisdom through Proverbs and the parables, and through the teachings of Jesus.  How does a woman gain perspective and confidence, and walk with dignity—all the things in Proverbs 31?  She walks with God and trusts in His leading in her life, and rejects the voice of the world.

Your pathway is a journey from immaturity toward strength, so you can be a woman who builds her house and extends her influence, who learns to teach the righteousness of God.

What’s your perspective?  Are you a victim of circumstances? Or are you aware that God is with you and helping you as you move through those things happening in your life to become more patient and faithful and strong, and model those things for your children?

 

Rhythms, Routines, and Rituals

I can still remember the day. After much deliberation my husband, Clay, and I decided we were going to purchase an empty one-acre lot of mountain land nestled against the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. Thus began the daunting but exhilarating task of constructing our dream home.

Our Rocky Mountain “Rivendell” would provide us with countless happy and meaningful memories during the most important years of our children’s youth. But many pieces had to be put in place before that could happen. We had to choose a contractor to oversee the job. Countless choices had to be made regarding paint, carpet, flooring, fixtures, and landscaping. And before we could make any of those decisions, we needed a plan.

When architects consider a house they want to build, they know they must start with a well- crafted, viable blueprint. The blueprint will guide them through all the stages of construction from laying a strong foundation all the way through putting the finishing touches on the building. Even when plans must be changed—as they inevitably are during the process of construction—the blueprint helps guide the adjustments.

So it is with how we create home both physically and spiritually.

If we don’t have a plan, all the ebbs and flows of life will take us by surprise. All the resources we use to create a home environment will be used on the fly, without a sense of purpose and structure.

So what does a blueprint for a lifegiving home look like? What elements ought to be gathered and considered before setting forth on such a grand and daunting task? This process will look different for every home and family. Every family will set their own pace and find their own rhythms.

But as I have observed my own family and the families of friends, I have recognized a few key elements that tend to emerge in every family—things that, if taken into consideration while making a plan, contribute significantly to a positive home environment and help us roll with the punches when changes happen.

First and foremost, figuring out how to manage individual family needs is paramount. It’s easy to get caught up in the details and forget that the purpose of a lifegiving home is to nurture real human souls and bodies. Everything else is secondary to this cause.

God interacts with us relationally, as a Parent. He loves each of us and seeks a personal relationship with us. And the best way to create a vibrant life in a home is to do the same—to seek out each individual and relate to that person according to his or her hopes, desires, and needs.

Planning ahead is one of the best ways to ensure every person in the home receives a fair share of attention.

Letting our days just happen not only leads to chaos but also increases the chances that what we value most just won’t get done.

Certainly every personality interfaces with schedules differently.

Some people write out every portion of their day; others take a more general approach. What’s important is to invest in planning ahead of time to create space for what matters and to allow for those unexpected moments that inevitably come along.

My Sweet Friends Have a New Book--Pressing Pause!

 I'm so excited that my friends Ruth Schwenk and Karen Ehman have a new book out called, Pressing Pause! This set of devotional thoughts is the perfect pause to add to your quiet times.  Today, Ruth is sharing with us about ways to bring peace into our busy days as mamas. Welcome, Ruth!   

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.”

(Matthew 5:9)

I have four children ages seven, nine, eleven and thirteen years old, so sometimes it seems less than peaceful in my home. Every single day I scramble to spend time mothering my children, doing three to five loads of laundry, helping with schoolwork, cleaning, cooking, and balancing all of the activities we’re involved in. It seems we have just cleaned up from breakfast, and it’s already time to have lunch. Two minutes later (or so it seems) we’re thanking God for dinner.

Managing a household can be overwhelming, and it sure doesn’t seem peaceful to me. But Matthew 5:9 says, “Blessed are the peacemakers.” When I read those words, I’m reminded that I’m called to be an instrument of God’s peace everywhere, including in my home.

But there’s one problem—and that problem seems to be me. I often wonder, Am I the one who creates most of the chaos that happens in our day-to-day lives? We are called to be instruments of peace, but can’t we just as easily be instruments of chaos? Am I so focused on my own agenda at times that I can’t focus on what really matters?

Ouch. Those questions hit too close to home for me.

As a mother, I’m an instrument of peace at home with my family. God wants to use me to bring peace to my household and into my children’s lives. Oh, yes, it can be really hard! But by living intentionally, keeping the most important things at the forefront, I find my days look and feel drastically different.

When I prepare for the day by spending time with God, studying His Word, and praying, I am at peace. Ultimately, without God, we will not have peace.

When I’m nurturing the relationship I have with my husband, I am at peace. Our babes are watching and following our relational lead. If we love each other well, we will bring an atmosphere of peace to our home.

When I’m intentional with my children, I am at peace. We are prone to distraction, but our children need our attention. They need us to squeeze them, encourage them, teach them, laugh with them, read to them, and pray with them. We create a sense of peace when we engage wholeheartedly with our children.

God wants to use us to be instruments of peace in our homes. Will you bring that peace today?

Jesus, You are the Prince of Peace. Come and make your presence known in my home. Quiet my soul, right now, in this place. Reign in my heart and in my home so that this place can be defined by peace. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

To think about:

What is creating chaos in your home right now?

What can you start---or stop----doing today to bring more peace into your home?

Ruth Schwenk is the founder of and blogger at thebettermom.com where her and her team share about parenting, marriage and much more. She is a pastor’s wife, mom of four energetic kids, a lover of coffee, and dreamer of big dreams. Ruth is the co-author of Hoodwinked: Ten Myths Moms Believe and Why We All Need to Knock It Off. Her newest book, Pressing Pause: 100 Quiet Moments for Moms to Meet With Jesus, co-authored with Karen Ehman is now available wherever books are sold. 

Whether you’re juggling a career, kids’ schedules, and church commitments or you’re covered in spit-up and anxious about what the next eighteen years might hold, you can carve out a few quiet moments to rejuvenate your spirit.

Pressing Pause offers you a calm way to start your day, to refresh yourself in Jesus and drink deeply of His presence so that you are ready to pour out love, time, and energy into the people who matter most to you.

Lifegiving Home Encounters! Special evening events with Sally Clarkson & A New Podcast

As we’ve wrapped up our final MomHeart Conference season, my heart is full as I think about all the amazing memories and encounters our family has had with so many of you through these past 20 years. I love writing and sharing my heart through the written word, but my deepest joy is personal interaction and human ministry. It is what inspired The Lifegiving Home—both the new book, and my personal home over many years! The hundreds and hundreds of meals served, moments treasured, and memories made have confirmed to me the beauty of a life lived in personal giving. There is nothing so rewarding as sharing life with others and finding the joy of Christ in that encounter.

In the weeks since the last conference ended, Clay and I have been so very thankful for the many friends made, the memories lived, and the opportunity to be a part of a movement of God through moms all over the world. So, I pray every day about the next step. Let me know if you have any ideas.

I am praying about what kind of conference I will try to host next year that will be the most helpful and inspiring for kindred spirits like you! I am dreaming of more ways to reach, train and inspire women all over the world, to walk with God and to live a story for generations to talk about in the years to come. More books, more online conferences and podcasts, something coming in Spanish, and a mini-intensive in Oxford 10 days from now, and more more more! Praying about how to limit the ideas and about what women want to see happen--so please let me know your ideas.

In that spirit, I am excited to say that we are exploring a potential new venture for this coming summer: Lifegiving Home Encounters! I so desire to bring the personal ministry of our home to you, and these ‘encounters’ would be evening events, with an inspiring workshop given by me, replete with many beautiful slides  of our home, traditions, creative ideas, as well as a beautiful presentation of piano music from Joel!

We are thrilled to announce the first two of these events, which will be held in Raleigh, NC. We would love to have any of you join us! Click the following links to find out more details and to register:

A Lifegiving Home Encounter - Cary, NC - April 25th

A lifegiving Home Encounter - Wake Forest, NC - April 26th

Lots is happening in the international arena and I will be telling you more about that soon. I will be speaking in Oxford, England with 40 women in a mini-intensive. Clay and I have a  goal to eventually  have ministry conferences, ministry training for teams of women in different regions all over the world. And Oxford is a natural first choice with Sarah living there. (I must have an excuse to see her.)

Next, I will be in North Carolina with Joel, since so many who have attended conferences there have asked us to come back. Finally, a  private engagement in Philadelphia and then home! So pray God will open ways for me to speak, finally, in areas where we have never been able to host conferences. Hope to see many of you soon.

We have had many people from all over the United States request us for events, and so we are excited to see these evenings develop. We are hoping to find churches, auditoriums, meeting rooms and other similar venues. If you have an interest in hosting such an even, let us know. which would have a grand piano as well as the audio/visual setup to support powerpoint. We are currently seeking new events in the following areas:

DFW/Austin, TX

San Diego/Orange County, CA (we are possibly committed to speaking there in late June and could do another event when we are in the area.)

Denver/Fort Collins, CO

We might be able to consider one or two more regional areas if we were able to interact with a large enough group to enable the logistics involved in such an event, if we can fit it in this summer. If you know of a church or other beautiful meeting space that meets the parameters above, please let us know! We are so excited to bring the message of the Lifegiving Home in this new format and are seeking places where we might host our bigger conferences early next January and February.

For further information, please contact Joel at: mail.homeforgood@gmail.com.

We look so forward to seeing many of you at these new events!

And please let us know what are your favorite places where we are currently working.

(podcasts, conferences, blog, books, etc.)

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I think you will also enjoy my newest podcast with Kristin today, so don't miss it.

Civility, decorum and honor in our manners matter so much in the world arena in which we find ourselves. With so many embarrassing leaders, shallow, disappointing and vain messages all over media, how profoundly important it is that we train our children to be excellent in diplomacy, humility and graciousness. Today's podcast is how to train this into the values and foundational manners into the heart of your children.

We love it when you subscribe to our podcast at Itunes and also when you share it with friends. Help us get the messages out to others who enjoy having these online resources.

You can find these books at most book stores and you can also order HERE.

The LifeGiving Home {Oct, Nov, Dec}

As we talk about the cooler months, it will be a great opportunity to plan ahead!

Home is Best

What makes your home the best and what could you do to make it even better?

What repeated rituals, rhythms of life, words spoken have become the ways that shaped your family culture? What do your children think of when they talk about your home? Shaping home culture takes time and forethought, but also shapes the foundations of faith and strength of relationship by what is practiced every day.

Warm fires blazing, candles flickering, music wafting softly amidst people chattering gives a picture of a home filled with life, beauty and fullness of daily celebrations in these lovely chapters. The cold of fall and winter weather mean more hours in doors, a season designed by God. But to occupy little and big minds and bodies sometimes requires planning.

When the places inside a home are intentionally crafted, these seasons can become the places where stories are read to inspire the heart, ideas discussed over hours of munching breads with body-pleasing warm soups. Discipleship is vibrant with time to discuss stories of Biblical heroes and quiet times to reflect on what one will become in their own life. These "pulling in" seasons can build deep souls, vibrant imaginations, close friendships.

Meals do not have to formal or fancy. Limited time to cook has made me craft my home meals with simplicity.  Sally emphasized that since meals are shared 365, three times a day, it is a time to captivate the attention of all who share these times with discussions of ideas, sharing of stories, listening to opinions shared, and cultivating a family community around friendship and sharing of hearts, souls and minds.

Personalities differ and circumstances change and so shaping these important rhythms of eating together can be planned to suit your own personal life demands. Simplicity is the rule for our family.   I don't have the time I used to in order to create new, delicious meals that most my family would enjoy as often as I used to in another season. Some of my young ones are still developing their palettes and don't appreciate new creations as much as I do.

Yet, regular meals shared by everyone over and over again gives children the opportunity to develop tastes that will eventually become welcome to them over time.

In my home, I keep things simple and we still enjoy our meals. :)

I also place my focus on keeping the home clean and organized and clutter-free, while it seems an obvious endeavor, is one I strive to stay on top of because it brings peace to everyone and makes being home much more enjoyable.

Sally says,

It is the giving rhythms of home that provide the right atmosphere for passing on the essential heart attitudes and warm relationships in life.

Blessed and Blessing

November is the season of giving and gratitude. We use it kind of as a refresher to remember to give and be thankful all year 'round.

Some ideas shared in The LifeGiving Home book include:

• Harvest Festivals, where everyone brings food to share
• Meals or plates of cookies or fruit breads for Friends
• Handwritten expressions (notes, cards, etc)
• Giving to missions or other non-profit
• Serving as a family in a soup kitchen
• Developing a heart for prayer by focussing each day on thankfulness

We must learn how to nourish a heart that is keenly aware both of God's abundance as it comes to us and the needs of the world around us. The grace of home is that it is a place where we are deeply nourished and given the capacity to be givers in our turn. -Sarah Clarkson

The Rhythm of Celebration

Christmas is a wonderful time for celebration. Everything feels different as joy often takes over the home and lights and sparkle brighten up the room and spirits.

We aren't just celebrating a season, but a Savior. The air is filled with wonder and worship. When you celebrate Christmas in love and service, you don't need to explain what Christmas is "truly" about. Simply live it and your children will know.

Create and strengthen those beautiful traditions during this season. Bringing close friends  and daughters together over traditional lunch fare year after year, having carol sings where families share baked goods, celebrating a simple "Shepherd's" meal only with candlelight, garners memories that cherish the astonishing event of "God become man through a tiny baby," and the amazement of children is cultivated while faith is shaped through the loving atmosphere is cultivated around the grace, love and artistry of the ever-living Christmas story.  Some ideas include:

• Observing daily Advent readings and weekly candle-lighting of advent wreaths
• Going to or having a yearly Christmas Tea
• Reading Christmas books and watching great Christmas movies, snuggled together on cold evenings
• Having a family gathering of the closest friends with a progressive dinner, traveling to homes over different courses of a meal.

It is in celebrating these rhythms that souls are shaped into habitual worshippers. Familiar traditions speak to adults long after they have left home because of the deep  imprint of God's love and family culture shared over and over again over seasons.

Make a place at home that means to belong.

Christin Slade

How to Choose a Good Book for Children

Sitting by the fire, squished up 5 deep on the couch, we all shared souls, hearts aflame and minds engaged in hundreds of captivating stories over the years. My daughter, Sarah, who is studying in Oxford, wrote 2 books about our experience as a family. (Caught up in a Story (aff) and Read for the Heart)

Many years ago,  I read every article I could about how to form the minds of children, how to cultivate genius. Every article I read said to simply read to children every day. And so, every day, we shared time together reading God's word, discussing the truths of His character, taking in His stories. Then, each day, we read and read and read.

Many have asked me what special focus I had, what curriculum I used to prepare children who would be accepted into the top universities in the world--Yale, Oxford, Cambridge, St. Andrews, etc. This was my secret. I read to them almost every day of their lives, engaged their little minds in ideas and encouraged them to discuss what they had read. Then, often, I would have them write a story or poem or ideas of what they had learned. That is my secret.

And now, the thing I miss the most is our reading aloud because I became educated as I read to my children. Even though I had a degree from a university, I did not truly begin to become educated until I read with my children and learned so much of what I had never learned.

With so little time in a lifetime to read so many books, there is no time to waste on mediocre or meaningless books.  This truth is even more important during the brief years of childhood, when the spirit and mind are being shaped and appetites are being established.  Older teens and adults will need to read a wide variety of literature, but childhood is the time to feed developing hearts with the best of literature that will create a high standard of goodness and godliness for wider reading later in life.  Saturate their minds with good books and avoid teaser books that would dilute the standard of goodness.  Here are some qualities that help define a "good book" for your children.

Ageless: The story and/or illustrations are appealing to both children and adults.  The book possesses a distinctive verbal power, visual beauty, or both, that is recognizable by an eight-year-old or an eighty-year-old reader.

Timeless: The characters and themes of the book transcend time and culture.  It appeals to the higher ideals nad virtues of the human heart, mid, and experience that are meaningful from one generation to another.  It is not dated by too many passing cultural terms and references.

Living: It is filled with concepts and ideas that touch the heart and mind.  Whether fiction or nonfiction,it holds up a mirror to real life and living ideas.  It makes its subject come alive with enlightening insights about real people, real places, and real things.  It captures the imagination.

Literary:  It is well written with a natural flow of narrative, dialogue, and description.  The writing is engaging, clear, and grammatically acceptable.  It is a worthy model of the English language used well.

Whole:  It tells a compelling story that is interesting and satisfying.  The characters are developed and believable, the plot is clear and understandable, and there is a satisfying story arc that carries the reader from beginning to ending and ties together the characters and plot.  It appeals to both the heart and the mind.  There is a sense of satisfaction and closure when it is finished.

Redemptive:  The best books reveal literary glimpses of redemption, even if the author is not overtly Christian.  Those who reject the redemptive end up with despair, nihilism, or empty humanism.  Redemptive literature communicates an underlying reality of hope and the enduring power of good over evil.

Inspiring:  A good book is morally uplifting and provides literary models of sound moral character.  It feeds the moral imagination and inspires the reader to higher ideals and virtues.  It touches the Christian's spirit, regardless of its Christian-ness as a literary work, because it depicts true, honorable, and noble ideas.

Creative:  It stimulates the imagination through a creatively developed concept, characters, plot, and action.  It reflects the creative spirit of the image of the Creator God in the writer.  The author's creative use of words, themes, metaphors, description, and writing style draws in the reader.

To read more on the importance of books, check out Educating the Wholehearted Child!

Don't Be a Victim in your Own Story: Own Your Home--& a new podcast

If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine.

Matthew 10:38

Slipping through cold, dark streets, threatened by the ominous shadows, my friend and I searched in the darkness for an apartment number we had memorized when we crossed the border from free Austria into communist regions where Christianity was forbidden.

Finally, we found the right building and climbed dark stairs, walking one step at a time from the tiny flashlight that shown on our feet, and found the door we had been seeking.

"Knock softly three times and they will know they can trust you." was our assignment.

Just as we finished knocking, the door slowly opened.

"He has risen," a small, thin woman said to us as she barely opened the door, just wide enough for us to see her dark eyes.

"He has risen, indeed," we answered as instructed.

A smile, lit from within herself, filled our space and she embraced us warmly and said, "Welcome."

As we tiptoed into the room, we could barely move.

Women filled every inch of space of the tiny apartment. On the floor, in the corners, stuffed on an old couch. And all of the sweet ones in the room also smiled and waved silently and bowed their heads in respect towards us.

This was an evening I will never forget.

As we opened the Bible and shared the messages we had prepared, the women sat spell bound for 3 straight hours, tears coming down their faces. They were so happy to be together and have the opportunity to hear the word of God being read, the joy and happiness spilled over.

Many had husbands in prison for their faith or because they taught children the Bible on Sundays. And yet, the humble reception and gratitude with which they welcomed us, will always stay in my heart.

Very little food, no heating in the frigid winters and scant books was the norm for all who called themselves Christ followers. Yet, I have rarely been in a place where the faith was so vibrant and the people so joyful.

As a young missionary, living behind the iron curtain, I was often taken aback by the difficulties of living in a country where Christianity was against the law. And yet, these women and their daughters considered it a privilege to suffer for their faith, where Christians were persecuted by losing jobs, having education refused, and having husbands put in jail.

Because I was young in my faith, I had to go through a process of growth from being weak and inexperienced, though sincere in my faith, to becoming wise, experienced and long suffering through the trials of my life. Spiritual strength does not come all at once.

However, because I was taught early in my Christian life, as a college student that Jesus wanted me to pick up my own cross and follow him. Then, thrown into Eastern Europe at an impressionable age, I saw carrying a cross with joy as a way of life in Missions.

(“If you love your father or mother more than you love me, you are not worthy of being mine; or if you love your son or daughter more than me, you are not worthy of being mine. If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine. If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it.)

As we enter holy week, the week when we  ponder Jesus' death and resurrection, it is a time to remember that we are called us to a life of sacrifice, to take up our crosses, to follow Him, to die to self--to overcome obstacles, to purpose to be steadfast in the life we have been given, to learn not to complain, to glorify God and to bring His life to our circumstances as an act of faith.

The Christian life is an exchanged life.

We no longer live for ourselves, but for the glory of Jesus, who bought us with a price, that we might live for him every moment, every day.

Yet, often, I see that cultural voices give us an excuse to fall victim to our difficult circumstances, to excuse complaining attitudes when life is hard or children are difficult or marriage is not what we expected to be, or or or.

"I cannot build a home that brings life and beauty because my children are too hard or my husband does not cooperate."

"I do not want to read one more article that calls me to ideals because I am limited and failing anyway."

This week, after having a couple of weeks or reprieve from the cold and snow, with buds beginning to show on the trees, we had unexpected frigid weather and 6 inches of snow.

Just like life!

Seems I never know when a storm will come into my life interrupting my plans, my days, my expectations. I had a reasonably planned expectations of what I would do for my Friday, and all sorts of challenges small and big, have interrupted my plans today!

Even as I have been writing chapters of my new book with Nathan, we are both remembering some of the heart-breaking times of his growing up years, the battles, the struggles he had on a daily basis, and the ways it influenced all of us.

Yet, if I am a true disciple of Jesus, as a young mama, I had to accept his exceeding difficulties as a part of the life in which I needed to bow to Jesus, accept my cross and glorify God right where I was.

I learned to accept every twist and turn in the road as a part of God's allowed circumstance.

And this hardship, difficulty that sometimes seems too challenging to mount of over, becomes my place of worship as well as an opportunity to see his resurrection power to help me overcome the darkness that comes my way.

I am "the mama," the one who helps right the wrongs, listens to hearts, prays, laughs, gives all of myself, even on a "stormy day" or "stormy season" because it is part of my learned role--to care for those in my charge as Jesus did--even in the midst of an unexpected storms of life.

Sometimes we resist ideals because we do not want them to make us feel as though we are not doing enough. Or we might avoid a book or a person that we think will cause us to feel we need to give more, try harder.

And I meet women all the time who would rather live as  victim in their own lives, because of difficulties and children who are difficult or a husband who is a challenge or financial stresses that are a burden, than to become heroes in their own stories by God grace and provision.

Yet, I have learned that it is exactly when life is difficult that our faith and hard work mean the most--when we could have given excuses about why we do not have to try hard or work more or pursue righteousness when it just feel impossible to do so.

As we enter Easter season, we must consider the words of Christ.

"Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me."

Mark 8:34

Jesus made a point of this in his own life.

Right in the smack dab middle of Jesus loving, teaching, encouraging, and training his disciples, they simply embark on crossing the familiar lake where they have lived all of their lives, and suddenly a life-threatening storm overtakes them.

What could Jesus possibly be thinking? Does he want to lose all of his disciples at once? Is he trying to discourage them? Afterall, they had given up their whole lives to follow Him. Their hearts were dedicated to worshipping Him. They were busy serving other people---really, now this? Is this any way to treat those who are following you?

And so sometimes the "whaps" on our lives feel personal, invasive, too much.

Have you ever felt that way? I have cooked. I have washed dishes. I have lost years of sleep. I have loved and served and given--does anyone notice? Does it matter? --and now this? Another storm? Another problem? The relentlessness of life is about to drown me, Lord. "Do you not care that we are perishing, Lord?"

That is the question that we, like the disciples, have on our hearts.

Just when we have the ideals of our lives in place, and we have defined what the Kingdom of home is,  and we determine to commit to creating our homes as a place where the life of Christ will flourish, storms  and battles begin to overtake us, and we feel that we may be overcome.

If you are experiencing weariness of discouragement, it just means you are engaged in the battle. The battle and its raging are not a measure of your success or failure--but how you respond in the battle will determine the outcome. Often, people have said, "Well, I am glad Sally has ideals, but that is not what my life looks like and I don't even know how to get there."

My life was a constant swirl of ideals and reality, grace and storm, walking in faith, and railing against heaven--this is the picture of fighting amidst storms to bring light into a dark world, and the home is no different.

I know I am  mixing  metaphors and have moved from storms of life to the battles, but hopefully you know what I mean.

But, when we determine to make our homes a place of life, Satan is determined to thwart us.

Satan knows that the most precious treasure in God's economy are His children, his handmade creations--those who have souls that will last for eternity. And so the battleground for our future is at the soul level of life.

We are living in homes where the laws of thermo dynamics take place every day--that energy is depleting at a constant rate and everything is moving toward disorder. Knowing this--understanding that it will never change--and give yourself grace. Do not expect perfection. Do not condemn yourself or become angry at your children because they are not perfect.

.Walk in grace and celebrate life.

Look for joy in the corners of your life. Always find a friend to pray with, to share life with, who holds your ideals and values. Know that all moms have the same issues--just different puzzles to put together.

Our children are sometimes selfish and sinful, our husbands (and even we) are fallible and imperfect; things fall apart, get broken, cost money, people are unloving, we are unsupported by the culture around us, and we lack support systems to support the ideals we believe.

In order to know how to raise godly children, we must have a refined picture of the ideals we are aiming for, but the second part of being productive in this venture of motherhood is understanding the battle.

All of our homes are broken, our children are broken, marriages hard, financial situations sometimes impossible and without the grace of God, we will not be able to make it. But, I believe, and have seen, that with God on our side, and with faith, our labor is not in vain, and becomes a story of His power and goodness throughout eternity.

This is the Easter story--That Jesus saw us and felt compassion. He knows we are inundated with the darkness of a fallen world in every area of our lives.

And so He came to put things right for eternity. He came to redeem the lost, to fight our battles, to bring light to our darkness. This is the resurrection message.

We are his servants, his warriors to fight evil in this world out of our deep love for Him and what He has done for us. Warfare gives us such great examples. A seasoned general becomes astute in battle because he has been successful in weathering many years of battles, and has learned to fight valiantly and enduringly. An officer at war will also not be able to advance in experience and victory if he does not understand and know how to fight against his enemy.

And so, the kingdom of our home is a battlefield, where life who would steal our dominion over our family, threaten spiritual life, destroy relationships.

Feeling weary or discouraged or inadequate or guilty from failing is a normal part of the process. You are in training.

Engaging in the discipleship of my children became my personal training grounds where little by little I learned what it meant to become a more mature Christian--to take up my cross for the sake of my love for Jesus.

But remember this---it is not the people who start the race who win, but those who finish the race.

So, if God calls you to ideals, and you begin running, don't give up--don't quit.

Keep building a picture of your ideals, fan the flame of your vision.

Plant seeds of faith and cultivate faithfulness and you will find a garden of beauty growing in your life over time as you wait on His faithfulness.

 Love and prayers going your way today!

Build a Home as a Legacy of Faith!

Own Your Home by Owning Your Life!

The LifeGiving Home {July, Aug, Sept}

Home is Where Quiet is Cultivated

As we continue through the LifeGiving Home Book Club, we're entering into the summer months which opens up so much possibility!

A Heroic Heritage

We love history in our family (as do the Clarksons) and one place we have really enjoyed visiting each summer is a local historical village called "Greenfield Village". There sit old houses from the early 1900s to mid 1900s, some are actual and some are models.

Some are even live exhibits where there are people cooking meals inside the home as they retell the history of that home and it's previous occupants. It is such a delightful time!

On Memorial Day weekend they have a Civil War reenactment where people set up camp all around the village, soldiers on horseback and on foot march down the streets, and cannons and gunfire are common.

For weeks following, my boys pretended to be soldiers in the Civil War, under the orders of Abraham Lincoln.

In addition to reenacting pieces history, it's important we allow our children time to explore and form an imagination. I love what Sarah says here,

Heroism isn't an act that begins in a moment of crisis. It is an atmosphere, a sense of self, an identity formed through many habits of thought, memory, and experience. Because the home is the center place of life, the ground in which action begins, you have the opportunity to create an atmosphere in which the heroic is valued, rooted, and grown.

There are several ways to achieve this heroic mindset: read great books, memorizing great literature, quotes, stirring speeches, and music, watching historical films, traveling to historical places if you have the means, remembering celebrations such as Independence Day, Memorial Day, President's Day, etc.

The Story of Us

It's also good to shape and celebrate our own family culture. How do we determine what that is?

Consider what sets you apart from our culture. What are your values as a family? What do you do that many other families don't do? What is unique for your family? This is part of your family culture.

Maybe you're a family of technological geniuses or you have several interested in humanitarian efforts or scientific research or any number of gifts! Writing, reading, and music is only part of the many gifts God has bestowed upon His people.

Our family definitely has a gift for writing, art, dance, and music for sure. It's not surprising to me as I grew up with many of the same interests and they have automatically passed down to my children. This isn't always the case, but so far it has been, and it could certainly change in the future as my children continue to explore their gifts and interests.

How are you writing the story of your family culture?

When Seasons Change

When summer begins to come to a close, it will be time to shift gears a bit to traditions back in the home as the weather cools. Sarah says,

The point of home in all its fullness--the point of good meals, full cupboards, or ordered rooms--is not just to provide creaturely comfort or to prove some sort of competence. The point of hime is to be a refuge for the soul, a place where beauty can be encountered, truth told, goodness touched and known. It's why home needs hush as well as bustle, silence as well as song.

It's a time for each to find a cozy spot in the house and make it their own for times of quiet or creativity.

It's also such a great season for reading aloud. If this isn't already a habit in your home, it's definitely one I recommend adopting. But prepared! Your kiddos may need to learn to become used to the idea, so you may have to start off with 10 minutes bursts and work your way up.

I can read aloud for a good hour to my children, ranging in age from 5 up to 13 years old. I often print a coloring sheet for them to color while they listen. Some will draw. Sometimes my littlest ones get antsy and I allow them to roam in and out, as long as they are quiet. It's such a sweet time!

Another ritual we do is have a quiet time each afternoon for one hour. Each child goes to their bed with a book and can either read or sleep for one hour. This gives everyone (including me!) a chance to catch their breath, have a break from one another, and rest in the afternoon.

These ideas didn't just happen over night, though. They took time to develop and train my children to mold into and some days they are even happy for and welcome it!

What are some ways your family finds rest as the weather cools down?

Christin Slade

The LifeGiving Home

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