I'm missing my superman


I can't stand to fly,

I'm not that naive.

I'm just out to find the better part of me.

I'm more than a bird, I'm more than a plane, 

I'm more than a pretty face beside a train. 

It's not easy to be me................Five for Fighting

He always wanted to be superman--always--"Jesus was like superman. He came from another place to save people. I want to be superman when I grow up, mom." And so I told him he would.

As a little boy, he loved hero stories. He loved the children's Homer,

the biography of historical heroes, Colonel Travis, Audi Murphy, tales of heroism.

He couldn't sit still, he played hard, giggled hard, challenged thoughts and ideas always, never, ever liked or could do math,

was creative and an artist and made up costumes, 

sang out loud all the time, brought me roses on Christmas eve--

sat with me on his secret place at sunset; told me his secrets. always attracted other kids, a pied piper sort of child.

loved my cinnamon rolls and loved for me to "tickle his soft back" and always closed the evening with 

"I love you, you're the best."

If only I could have him here today, one more time, to tell him what a delight he is to me, what fond memories I have, how I am glad he was my little boy.......

But I fear he is gone, probably forever--he is a man now--paying bills, trying hard to get a permanent job, finding his legs in the world and I can't be a "mama" to him even one more day--that part is over. 

Now I am "mom", his friend, and far away cheerleader, but he is too big for me to hold on my knee, and I think he will be moving on and on--Hollywood is a bigger place than Monument, Co. But I think it may be where God has taken him and in time he will find his superman arena, because I still think God will answer his dream of being a superman.

It all came back to me through one song--we had ridden in the car with windows down, blazing through the highway in Tennessee with the music turned up too loud and him singing this at the top of his lungs--this superman song, when he had been a teenager.

And yesterday when I heard it, playing loudly on Joy's computer--it all came back to me in an unexpected moment--all these feelings and thoughts--and I wish I had paid more attention to my ride with him through life--to take clearer photographs for my heart to store--to enjoy each minute allotted. Maybe I will be better at savoring all the moments yet ahead when I get to be with him--just one more time.

In honor of Nathan, superman, please pray for him today--thanks for his wonderful heart for us and God, thanks for his church and community of friends, and praying for a stable job--but most of all that God would show him the work he was created to do for his glory. I love my superman.