Dancing with my Father... new book giveaway!

Thanks for the wonderful letters of encouragement about this book and about how encouraged you were to hear these messages at the Mom's conferences. You are a blessing to me!My publisher sent  a team to my home recently to talk to me about my new book! I am still learning so much about daily living in joy.  Another very sweet friend of mine reviewed this on her blog (you will love her blog!) and she is giving a Dancing With My Father away! Be sure to enter! Click here to enter!

Two great conferences coming up! Be sure to make it!

Dallas  and Raleigh

Can't wait to see you there!

Make time for civility and beauty and let grief have its work

I have been in a battle of sorts lately and almost always am this time of year. My dear husband tells me every year about this time I say, "I want to quit doing this. I cannot speak or write anymore. I feel consumed." 

I have told my children that when you stand in front of people, in any ideal or in any way, or if you stand against cultural values, you become a target. And so, in small ways, I have been a target because of my own ideals. Jesus gently told us of this, so that we would not be surprised. In this world, you will have tribulation, but take courage.......take courage....I have overcome.

I hope that I mature a little more every year, and will learn to handle these seasons of weariness with more and more grace and unconditional love, but still I am vulnerable, and always, always need God's grace and presence and comfort. 

People may wonder why I emphasize beauty, and my candles, music and tea times as though all I ever do is have tea parties--it is because in the fray of my very busy, demanding life, where so many draw from my soul morning, noon and night, I have to make a space to be refreshed, to ponder Him, to ponder life and to get heavenly perspective--His love, forgiveness, comfort, protection--so that I will still be able to keep walking the road He has had me travel. 

I am a weak, fragile person, and find that only in Him have I found the strength to go on and dance year after year--He becomes my song and my delight, but only as I am in His presence in the midst of the storms. As Jesus rested in a storm, so He is becoming my only true rest in the midst of the gales. 

I realize again, that when I suffer and am humbled, God always broadens my soul. He gives me love and compassion for those women I have the privilege of ministering to each year. 

If I have felt deep sadness,  loneliness, or discouragement or vulnerability, then, I imagine, so have they--and God allows me to minister out of a heart that has been hungry and broken, but has found my answer in Him and His gentle, strong arms, that have so faithfully held me and guided me all of these years. 

How very grateful I have become for this secret life in Him that we share together--where He has heard my hearts deepest cries, my dreams, my disappointed expectations, my hopes and prayers--and yet He has loved me and dealt with me as a Father, who has compassion and grace for me, his daughter, who is learning every day, to rest in His arms and to delight in the small pleasures He brings to my days. 

A sweet friend lost her sister four years ago, and read this poem at her funeral. I have found it to be so true in my own life--May you come to find deep, precious, refined wisdom, understanding, and compassion in your own heart through those struggles and difficulties that indeed bring eternal gold in the very depths of your soul. And may His beauty fill your longings today.

Defeat may serve as well as victory To shake the soul and let glory out When the great oak is straining in the wind The limbs drink in new beauty, and the trunk Sends down a deeper root on the windward side Only the soul that knows the mighty grief Can know the mighty rapture, Sorrows come To stretch out spaces in the heart for joy

Still in the midst of my every day, even in the weary moments, are real pictures of HIs delightful gifts of life to celebrate. And then, after the pondering, comes the energy to live fully in the moment of this day, and to choose to rejoice.

One of my reasons for celebrating life today--

A must read article for moms of school age children........

I love to read articles by experts that say what I have been saying for years. Makes me happy I jumped out on this ledge so long ago. And it was so much fun.  link here for more

What voices are talking to you in your head?

In the absence of Biblical convictions, people will go the way of culture. I have said this again and again! If we don't regularly listen to the voices of God, we are doomed to obey the voices of those in our lives---friends, culture, family, neighbors, television, magazines, Satan--the list goes on and on. Hebrews 1: 1-2 says, "God, after He spoke long ago to the fathers in the prophets in many portions and in many ways (He talks all the time, many ways!), in these last days has spoken to us in His son,"

God was walking in the garden in the heat of the day to speak to Adam and Eve- He is not just a theological thought to be understood, He is a lover, a friend, a Father, a trainer, a savior--and He wants to speak to us. 

However, in the busy-ness of our lives, I see so many, many who just don't get this. They read blogs to find out truth, they listen to media, they write me and ask me to tell them advice--(and I do believe in the counsel of older women), but God wants to talk to us--to tell us His insight about our situation, our puzzle. He, the Word Himself, has a word for us. 

Seems that in our lives together, God has led Clay and me to make many out of the normal box decisions--but it wasn't arbitrary--we just kept looking at the Word, listening to His voice.

His words, "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you can prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect." In order to do God's will, you have to have your mind transformed to His will--which is not conforming to this world.

I have found in my life that everyone will give me permission to give up on my ideals--you deserve a break--you need to find fulfillment--and so on. Yet, the more I walk with God, the more I realize I have just this one life to live a story that will show His excellence, His greatness, His love and mercy, redemption and grace.

Are you feeling condemned  and like a failure in your life, His words, "there is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, for the law of the spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and death." Romans 8: 1

Do you wonder why you are having trouble and difficulty, Jesus's words, "In this world you will have tribulation, but take courage, I have over come the world."  This world is the battle ground--it was for Jesus it is for us--but He told us to take courage, He has overcome. David, who had constant battles personally and publicly, said, "O Lord, in thy strength, the king will be glad, And in thy salvation how greatly we will rejoice." God's strength will carry us through--not our own strength.

I see so many young women who are listening to feminist voices, to media, to contemporary thought. They do not know that all choices, especially made by hearing the wrong voices, will have great consequences in their lives. They unwittingly think that personal fulfillment comes from getting the material things they think they need to have; work that will give them a sense of their own importance; experiences that will give them a surge of adventure and excitement; romance--someone else will make them feel loved--but they do not really know or understand, that in the long haul, no one and no thing can make them happy or fulfilled apart from the love and grace and forgiveness of God. So many decisions made for the short term have devastating consequences and scars in the long term.

God says, "For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul."

I was going to awaken Joy this morning as we have a very jam packed day ahead of us. She was sitting in her room with a cup of tea, reading her Bible and said, "Mom, guess what I just found in scripture--and she told me what she had learned. 

As I taught my children the word, I said, "Look at Samuel when he was a young boy--God spoke to Him. God loves you so much, He wants to speak to you. He loves to talk with His children just as I love to talk to you. He speaks to children even when they are young."

The first priority of our days together for years and years,  was to open the word and see what God had to say. I built this habit into my children by modeling it, doing it, and then as they got older, I would get them a quiet time book or something short to read and then bring them a cup of tea, hot chocolate or something warm and gave each of them a soft chair for them to sit in and they started their own habit of listening to the Lord.

There were many weeks we just survived--I don't want anyone to think I read to my children from the word every day--moving, traveling, ear infections, exhaustion--each day is a different puzzle--but we did strive to do this as a regular routine--an expectation--but it was not about legalism or teaching them to live by law, t was about seeing the love and faithfulness and holiness of God every day, through all the stories and pondering Jesus--this great God who was speaking to us in these last days.

Don't feel guilty if you do not know what to do or what to read. All of us have to learn about how to do this--but most of all--do it, start it, try it. No one loves you or has more grace for you than God--He is a God of love, second chances, forgiveness--all He wants is our hearts--but He wants to inform our decisions, our ways, our attitudes, our convictions and our values. He is waiting to talk to you,... today!

So, as I face my busy day, the Lord spoke to me this morning--I give you grace, I pursue you as my child, I love you and just want you to walk with me today. And so I quieted the other voices in my head, and now after talking to Him, I am ready to face my day

May you hear His gentle, loving, encouraging, voice today, that you may have his blessing in your day today.

Formula or faith?

I don't think I have ever been so happy to be home! California is a place our family has grown to love--some of our dearest friends who have walked beside us in ministry for so many years provide fun, fellowship, food, the sharing of deep heart issues in true friendship--including a little silliness and all of us dancing to oldies together; feasting on homemade Mexican food; breakfasting Sunday morning after the conference at Crystal Cove; speaking and sharing our hearts with hundreds of women and getting up early and staying up way too late, eating a twilight, sunset picnic dinner with friends overlooking millions of city lights of those in the heart of the LA-Whittier area---before speaking to a group there; having a providential meeting with a sweet Chinese mom who is looking for some direction to teach parents in her church; so many more moments of giving and serving and loving and talking--but in the end, exhaustion sweeps over my body, and when I can get home, I am so grateful for a haven in which to rest and refresh. I think I am feeling my age and limitations. And I do so love being here with my sweet husband and girls. I always come away from conferences with new thoughts on my mind. Talking to so many sweet moms and sharing over scripture gives me a heart perspective. I think so many long for someone to give them a formula--just tell me exactly what to do and give me the rules and then I can get a grasp on my life and family and children.

Now I do think there are many wisdom principles in scripture--but very, very little advice of an exact nature. God is very vague on so many issues--intentionally so

--He tells us to speak to our children every day about Him--the great shema of scripture in Deuteronomy 6:4-9. He tells us to train up our children in the way they should go. He gives us a commandment to teach our children to honor their mother and father. He tells us in Ephesians to raise up our children in the training and instruction of the Lord. 

But he does not ever say, "Spank for 45 minutes, carry a paddle or switch in your purse to be sure you don't miss any offense;(so grateful He doesn't correct every single sin or immature act I perform or I would just give up now.)    or quiet times are so much more effective before 7 in the morning; or women have no ability to teach young men (have you seen Proverbs 8 or 9 or read about Timothy?) Or you can tell a woman's spirituality by looking at whether their drawers are neat and clean on the inside--really? What scripture and verse is that? He doesn't even say that all children will learn best if they study Latin or Hebrew. 

We have great freedom to live with our own personality limitations, our own family puzzle; our own dreams. I often have women who say, "How did you raise your children? What rules did you keep? Why do they love you and love the Lord and how did you teach them to trust you?"

 As far as I can tell, scripture tells us that it is faith, not works that pleases God. Hebrews 11: 6

Many of these questions I covered in Ministry of Motherhood by studying the life of Christ in relationship to His disciples. He loved them, spoke to them morning, noon and night. He served them by feeding them, healing their relatives; He modeled to them what true Christianity would be by touching children and giving them His time and blessing them; touching lepers; giving prostitutes and women His time and affirmation;--it was a relationship to people in his life--a love for them, a compassion for them--not a list of rules on how to be sure you are acting righteously. These the Pharisees provided, not Jesus.

On a more personal note, I could not pass on to my children what I didn't have myself--could not give them real faith or joy or living in God's presence if it was not a reality in my own life as I shared in Dancing with My Father

And so, we sought to emulate Christ with our children. We sought to understand their unique personalities--extroverts need to talk more, have more activities, include doing in their lives; introverts need more time alone to ponder, create, go into their inner vortex. Some have a larger capacity to work hard, others are more immature. 

We are to accept and cooperate with their God given personalities because God has a work for them to do in this world according to His design of their lives. Children and adults are not cookie cutter copies of each other who can all be handled the same way--as a matter of fact, if we are handled as robots, we will rebel at the impersonal ways of being treated. We all long for a mentor who "gets" us--knows us and understands us and can reach our heart's passions and dreams. 

Clay and I have seen the Lord use so many people in ministry who come from a vastly differing set of philosophies. God uses people all over the world who are limited in knowledge--but still He uses them, and so, even Clay and I are used, despite the fact that we are always growing in wisdom, perspective and maturity. Speaking all over the world in missions has shown us that each culture, each people is different in their application to wisdom. Not just one way of doing things.

 And often, our speakers at our conferences, often reflect a philosophy different than our own.  But we always seek to choose speakers who walk with God, who love Him and care about scripture, knowing that they may have an insight, a bit of wisdom to pass on, a principle we have never used. I think wise women are those who copy a lot of other wise women, but in the end, go home and say, "What applies to me and what can I follow in faith? and what is not applicable to my own Biblical, faith-based philosophy?"

But we can trust God with the tension of using others who walk with Him, and cover them and ourselves with grace. We choose many speakers in our conferences over a season of conferences, but we want our moms to listen, pray, discuss, seek the word, and then use what we said or others said if it encourages. But our goal is to help women learn to think Biblically and then follow what they think is sound, and usable in their own families, by faith, not living by formula. 

But, it does require faith to live in intimacy with the living God. He is wild and wise and loving and deeply desirous of our personal, passionate love--not our robotic keeping of rules. So we try to teach people to live in the tension between faith and reality--the supernatural and the mundane.

As to how this was lived out in our family, it was an ever-growing understanding of His presence in our lives and home. We deeply loved and related to our children, and consequently, in their teen years, we found that our relationship was built on trust from a lifetime of building it on trust.

 They would come to us and tell us if they were confronted by things or people in culture that were offensive or immoral and we would help them figure out the way to walk with God through these passages. We did not have to manage them or their cell phones or computers, we entrusted them with growing responsibility as they showed maturity.  When we gave them a car to drive and a cell phone and computer to use, we also gave them the principles, from the time they were little, to be able to handle these issues in a mature way.

Self-government was a principle that we trained into them--be wise, rule over your minutes and days, have character, tell the truth, choose to obey our principles--and so by the time they became teens, they had practiced these wisdom principles and we expanded their borders according to their level of maturity--

"We cannot make you into holy people, but God has given you a capacity to do great things, if you will respond to our training and the wisdom He has given us in scripture. It is natural to sin, it is supernatural to w alk by faith and to live in unconditional love with people. Trusting God and choosing to become great in character is an issue of your heart. We will train and teach you, but it is our hope that you will respond to God and our training, because we believe He wants to build you into Godly leaders. We know He will work greater things in yourselves than He has in us, because of HIs design on your life--if you engage in loving Him." would be our mantra.

"He who is faithful in small things will be faithful in much." In other words, if they learned to use something responsibly then they would receive more responsibility and trust. 

When our little ones helped around the house or helped take care of a sibling or became competent at cleaning up a whole kitchen after a Bible study dinner, they would earn the right to stay up later or have a movie night with their own friends, since they had been faithful to serve us. 

And so our paradigm worked through our educational philosophy--expose them to life, work, great thinkers, writers, artists, host great discussions at the dinner table and trust the Holy Spirit to give them a love for learning, an excellence in character, abilities to excel in their work, keep chores going. And communicate this confidence you have in them--and a faith in God to use a normal home in which to cultivate genius, compassion, vision as He has used homes for all of history. And then watch God work-- a release of His power in our home, and us seeking to celebrate life in the midst of whatever a day brings our way--seeing this day as the training grounds God uses to prepare our children for adulthood and leaving the rest in His hands--freedom to live by our limitations by faith and watching God do amazing things.

And for us, it worked--this God-filled, living, loving, life-style. Wonderful, vibrant, loving children who are passionate and pursuing life--not perfect, but growing and maturing each day and able to grapple in the world as it comes to them.

Jesus's desire was to use normal people to be responsible for His kingdom work. He entrusted the Great Commission into the hands of unsophisticated fishermen, normal men, while knowing they would not be perfect or always wise--He trusted the Holy Spirit in their lives to be able to lead them. The glory of God is resting in normal men to accomplish the supernatural through the natural. He who resides in us uses us as a vessel of His greatness and excellence.

This living of faith brings so much more freedom, so much more joy, the ability to imagine that we really can handle the issues that today brings, because He is here to help, guide and provide--He has not given us more to do than we can do--we can rest in His will every day and know that in faith, what we have to give will be enough. May His grace and peace cover us this day.

Joy.....the fruit of giving love away

"Just as the Father has love Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments, and abide in His love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy will be made full. This is my commandment, that you love one another. Greater love has no one than this that one lay down his life for his friend." John 15: 9-12 When I took on the task of studying Biblical joy, I found that one source designed by Christ through which we would know Him more intimately and also have a straight pathway to having joyful hearts was, of course, through Biblical relationships.  Here are a few quotes from Dancing with My Father that I hope will encourage you this weekend. 

It is early morning here in California and I feel so very full of His love, mercies and presence, so humbled to know His constant acceptance and am so blessed to be amongst sweet friends serving side by side with me in reaching out to moms. Ministry friendships are so humbling and such a rich blessing, and a deeply filling well-stream of joy in my life. Thank you, my friends, for loving God and living with integrity and giving your lives generously away. I dedicate this post to you.

The Joy of Biblical relationships

 

This laying down of our lives—serving, giving, helping—is the key to real friendship and love, and ultimately, the fullness of joy. 

Every relationship becomes meaningful in light of doing what God wants us to do—to love—so that our joy can be made full.  

Rather, our love is given as Christ gave his love to us—generously, graciously, and freely.  There is something very freeing about loving in this biblical way.  I can always succeed.  I can always be at peace no matter how the relationship goes.  If I please Christ by laying down my life, then I have done what was expected of me.   

Humans area created to be God’s hand of comfort, God’s word of affection and appreciation, God’s face of love, and God’s works of service and help.   

Friendships and other close relationships provide opportunities for people to feel the love of God through words and touch, given by real people who are prompted by his Spririt.  P. 

We are responsible, though, to initiate forgiveness toward others, to be committed to love unconditionally, and to seek out friendship.  Only then can we know the intimate love of God and experience true peace and joy.    

So this is our mandate:  we are called to initiate friendship, love, forgiveness, and trust.  It is thhe way to joy. 

Please pray that God's healing love and mercy would soothe the hearts of many here in California this weekend. And we would so appreciate your prayers for God's strength and good health in the midst.

Oh, no! I blew it again!......

A number of years ago, I was sitting in my bedroom and having a wonderful quiet time. The Lord really encouraged me and I felt that I was set for my day--feeling spiritual. I walked out of my bedroom into the hallway that went to the kitchen by way of my living room.  There, amongst all of my best "stuff"--my breakables, were my two boys having a pillow fight with gusto. They hit some button I didn't even know I had. I went ballistic. I started giving them  the lecture of their life and started spewing all over them--they didn't know what was coming--and I am sure that some of it had been stored just waiting to come out. Poor unsuspecting creatures.

And then when it was over, I was as shocked as they were! How could I have just had a quiet time with the Lord and then without 60 seconds gone by, I was acting out in ugly frustrated anger. Then of course, guilt and remorse pointed the ugly finger of inadequacy at me! How can you dare to speak and write books on motherhood? I can't believe you made such a big deal out of nothing! You have probably scarred the boys for life--and all the other accusing voices that have become so familiar at times.

I have met so many women in the past weeks who carry all sorts of guilt on their shoulders. And many feel they have failed so much there is no return. But God is always the God of second chances. I was contemplating this on the way home from the airport the other day, that God's glory is revealed in the lives of people who make mistakes and have regrets.

Abraham lied about Sarah being his wife and was going to let her have an affair with a foreign king!

Noah got drunk. Moses killed a man. And lost his temper just after being in the presence of God on the mountain getting the ten commandments and then threw them on the ground.

David committed adultery and then had his love's husband killed in battle.

Rahab was a harlot. Peter denied Jesus after living with Him as His best friend for 3 years. Paul was killing the followers of Jesus.

Paul said, "Wretched man that I am. I do the very things I do not wish to do." Romans 7--the end

This is why living in the grace of God is so very important. Romans 8:1, "There is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8: "Nothing can separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus."

"It is by grace you have been saved, and that not of yourself, it is a gift of God." Ephesians 2

The older I get and the more I see how prone I am to stumble, the more humble I have had to become and the more dear my salvation and Christ's grace is. I love Him more and more because I better know how fallen I am, and yet He still loves me, works through me, patiently waits for me as I little by little grow up. 

Many years ago, I was speaking to thousands of people at a conference where another very prominent Christian leader was speaking. (Please do not try to figure out who I mean--I don't even think you could guess-it was a million years ago!)

We had a close mutual friend who had wanted us to meet. This speaker had tried to find me and I had tried to find her--but we had both been speaking all day.

So at the end of my day, with baby Joy in arms and Sarah at my side (I wanted Sarah to meet a really godly woman), I waited for this woman to be through with her speaking and stood in line with the rest of the women. When I finally got up to talk to her, she was very impatient with me and short to Sarah. Sarah said, "I thought you said she was supposed to be godly." and had her teenage feelings hurt. Of course we were both very tired.

At first blush, I was tempted to be critical of this woman. But then I realized how very much I had been encouraged by one of her books. So, I made an effort to go back home and to get out one of her books again. 

Since that time, I have been very grateful that it happened. I still think she was a woman of great wisdom and integrity and really walked with the Lord. But, I saw that even she got tired and made mistakes--somehow seeing this woman in her fragility helped me to give grace to myself when I failed my own expectations. I know this woman is a great woman of God and yet, she walked in His grace, too.

How comforting her life has been to me--the treasure of God in these fragile human vessels and still He allows us, in spite of our failures, to love and serve Him. And He loves us so much. 

It is why Peter said, "Love covers a multitude of sin." and "Love is a perfect bond of unity."

And Jesus said, "Judge not lest ye be judged."

So, lest you be tempted to disqualify yourself, walk in His light--the light of His forgiveness, grace, redemption, freedom from guilt. And practice extending this grace to those who also need it--first yourself, then your husband, your children, your family, your friends, your enemies,...

You have to make a choice to live in His presence where love and forgiveness dwell. You must not take on the accusations of other people. You repent of your sin and failings as it happens and then accept His forgiveness and grace--live there, cultivate comfort and familiarity there--He will renew and He can cover over our faults and weaknesses--even as it takes a toddler a very long time to grow into mature adulthood, ou maturity will not come overnight--it will require patience.

When you practice grace and thankfulness for God's love and grace, you sow into your own life a great character that will serve to bring lives to others the rest of your life.

Remember today! No condemnation today. Live in His loving grace and celebrate life with your loved ones who will flourish in His love and grace.

**********************

Off to pack for California--leaving in a few hours. Would so appreciate your prayers for my children and Clay and me in the midst of this week. Looking so forward to seeing so many of you.

Dancing with my Father... The winners are...

What a great weekend Sarah and I had in Michigan. So many kindred spirits and great parents with passionate hearts. We are so blessed to meet so many wonderful people. It keeps us focussing on our own ideals and aspirations. Thanks for all who made is such a memorable weekend for us. Now to the winners of the 2 Dancing With My Father books. We so appreciate all of you who helped us get the word out. Please be sure to send Jennice your full name, address, phone number and website or blog so she can get the books out to you asap. I would like to know where everyone is from who entered! I hope the books are a real encouragement to you, as the concepts change my life daily!

 The winners are:

Jackie Mersch, Westminster, CO

Stephanie White, Galloway, OH

Jennie Nelson, San Diego, CA

Annette Weller

Christina Poulsen

Heather Bradley, San Antonio, TX

Teri Selbher

Anissa Tyler, Abilene TX

Jodi Hartfield, Colorado Springs, CO

Holly Willis, Lake City, MI

Kelly Cooper

Janine Baker Sabin

Katie Lawrence

Mary McCarthy

Rachel Stevens

Thanks, too, for all of you who have been commenting on my blog and facebook while I was out of town. I was so touched by so many great comments, insights, encouragement and convictions. You have all been of great encouragement to me as I have pondered these issues. You will keep me going in my own ideals. And now, I thought I would share a very sweet letter from a mom that I received today.

Dear Sally,   I wanted to send you an email to let you know how deeply your conference has impacted me.  As a Mom of a 5 year old boy, 3 year old boy, and 2 year old girl, I've been discouraged for the past year and feeling like life is drudgery.  We're getting ready to move for the third time in 2 years, my husband has had multiple jobs that haven't worked out, and I've been alone in a new city for the past 3 months while my husband has had to work out-of-state.  I've felt very far from the Lord and quite discouraged in my faith.  My church life hasn't worked very well and I have very few friends (and am used to having many!).   I cried when I read the description for your conference--you renewed.  Sobbed, actually.  My heart knew I needed it and my dear husband sent me even though it was quite difficult to pull off.   I almost didn't come because my friend's father-in-law died tragically and I thought she might need me.  I also felt guilty for spending the money to go.  But the Lord in His grace moved me to go anyway as He spoke through my husband and sister and other friends I met there.   This is what I came home with:   1.  You inspired me to make a daily time to be replenished with and worship the Lord.  This is my 6th day in a row and it must be a record for me in the last year.  I had always thought I was a strong Christian, worked in a very intense Christian ministry for years, but the loneliness of moving to a new town with 3 little ones just flattened me.  You challenged me, inspired me, and encouraged me to make it a priority.  As you explained how we Moms get depleted, and how we get harsh when we don't go to the Lord to get filled back up, my spirit screamed within me - Yes - that is me!  I have always known this intellectually but somehow God used your wording and timing to push me to Himself.  I want more than anything to be a good Mom and I can see I am taking steps toward that. 2.  Your admonishment to "work harder" when I can't seem to get everything done, has pushed me to work harder.  You've shared so many stories in person and in your books that I know you know what my life is like with toddlers.  I chuckle over it every day now and tell myself, "Work harder!"  And I am.  I am getting more done even though I'm spending my free time with the Lord instead of my own self-made frenzy of life. (Your description of how we get in this frenzy was very helpful.) 3.  Your daughter Joy's question to us all, "Are you the Mom you always wanted to be?" has been ringing in my head since she said it.  I remember being her age and having dreams and ideals, and I thought being a Mom was going to be the most amazing, fun-filled journey ever!
60; But lately it has felt like drudgery and like I'm failing.  I am now excited to work toward being the Mom I always wanted to be.  Thank you Joy for letting God shine His light through your heart right into my heart.  There is now a new spark there. 4.  Your calling to Moms to make our home beautiful and fun-filled.  I always dreamed this is what motherhood was like but I've lost it.  I am determined to bring it back in my home.  I love candles and games and celebrating every little thing.   5.  You quoting your son when he told you to "Chill" because you were uptight about a messy house.  That it was just going to get messed up again.  You then said something about if our children are going to live and eat in our homes, there will be messes.  I know this, but trying to live up to everybody else's standards (and trying to work with my husband's) has been quite the damper. 6.  How many times did you tell us graciously to stop comparing ourselves to other women, other families!  Again, something I "know" but don't put into practice.  All of your advice and encouragement and wisdom together has just jump-started me back to becoming "the Mom I've always dreamed of being." 7.  You said, "If you're sitting on a couch depressed, nobody can get up but you."  That pierced my heart.  I'm getting off the couch.  I'm spending time with the Lord and His word which is the only thing that will make me the amazing mother I long to be.  I am bringing beauty and joy back into my home.  I am going to somehow figure out how to make meals and snacks every day and do laundry and have fun discipling my children.  By God's amazing grace. 8.  The scriptures you shared - so many of them pierced my heart.  Most of them I knew, but was not living.  Your reading them and describing how to apply them in my life gave God a place to bring them alive. 9.  I really enjoyed Sarah's talk and bought her book along with some new storybooks for my kids.  I'm excited about making stories a more central part of our lives. 10.  Julie and her team were amazing.  I worked in a crisis pregnancy center/abstinence program ministry and hadn't even thought of starting to instill these principles into the lives of my children this early.  It seems so obvious now, but the business of babies & toddlers crowded that out.  Thank you for bringing it back so I can get started more intentionally. 11.  Sally, you are the first person to say to me (and I have heard many great speakers!) that if I want my children to turn out right it will cost me my life (or something like that).  You said it would take every bit that I have.  I am committed to giving everything I have for my children now after hearing you drill this into my head.  I have watched so many Christian children turn away in many ways, and thought, surely there has to be a way to avoid these things for the most part.  I don't want to be one of those mothers who makes excuses for her children's mistakes.  I want to raise them in righteousness and truth with love.   I did not grow up in a Christian home, although I have loving parents who raised me the best way they knew how.  I am now struggling with figuring out how to create the patterns in my life that will help me to stop yelling at my kids and love and train them in the Lord.  I'm halfway through with Ministry of Motherhood - reading it is like having a loving mentor by my side teaching me how to be a Godly Mom.  One who is real and genuine and humble and full of stories and who doesn't always have all the answers but has a lot of them and knows the one who does have them all.  Thank you, Sally, Clay, and all of your children for allowing your lives to be so transparent.  It has given me invaluable glimpses of what a family is supposed to be like that I may never have known.  You have given a treasure and I know it was with a cost and for that I am grateful.  My 3 little children would say thank you if they knew how you are helping me to be more compassionate, kind, forgiving, fun...you get the idea.   On a logistical side, I wanted to tell you all the things I enjoyed.  I planned many conferences at my last job and am aware of how many hours of work and prayer by many people these things take.  To have a conference go this well did not happen by accident!!!   1.  The hotel was beautiful.  The staff were friendly and helpful.  The location was perfect. 2.  Loved sitting at round tables.  Volume level of speakers was perfect.  Temperature was perfect.  Great to have water available. 3.  Schedule was well thought-out with just enough free time and just enough content.  So often there is not enough free time but you had a nice balance.  Loved the worship times with Clay! 4.  Thanks for emailing the schedule ahead of time.  It was really nice to have all the information. 5.  Thanks for all the notes in our booklet.  It was nice that you had only one side printed because I took notes on the other side too. 6.  The registration was smooth and efficient.  (Nice work!) 7.  Being greeted by smiling young ladies with baskets of candy and young men with muscles and can-I-help-you attitudes was LOVELY.  What a welcome!  That is how I want my children to be.  Thanks for setting the example for us younger Moms.     I am telling all of my friends about this conference and hope to bring many of them back.  Sally, thank you for sharing your heart and your time.  You have brought great excitement and hope to my heart that I CAN be an awesome Mom.  You have given me so many tools and I am digging in with all I am to disciple my children for Christ.  Thank you for this motivation.  I'm sure there is more, but my children will wake up soon.  This was a bit wordy but I just wanted you to know how much I was blessed.  At least I know you like to read.  :-)  

Looking so forward to California. Registration open for a couple of more days. 

Conference registration

The Burr in my saddle......

I rarely vent my feelings. And so I have pondered and prayed about what was eating me in the past few days and why I wrote the last blog article I wrote. I apologize if I offended anyone. I do not like to disparage anyone and certainly the short video I saw was not worthy of the strong feelings that poured forth. Yet, there is something in all of this. My life is filled with literally thousands of letters, emails, meetings, with moms over the years. It has become one of the main focuses of my ministry. So many feel lost, discouraged, inadequate, isolated, alone.

When I had Sarah, I had been in a somewhat high profile sort of ministry. I was speaking to executives, traveling and speaking to college students, involved in missions. Yet, when I held little Sarah in my arms those first few months, God began to do a work in my heart. I started studying scripture to see what God's opinion was about children.

The first blessing out of His mouth was, "Be fruitful and multiply."---that before the fall. Children  are a blessing from God's hands. Their souls will last for all of eternity. The fruit of the womb is a reward. Jesus took them into His arms and blessed them and said, "Of such is the kingdom of God." He also said, "Woe to the one who causes the least of these to stumble."

Seemed that the family was the place through which righteousness was to be passed down from generation to generation. Of course the Proverbs 8, and 9 passage, and 14:1--the wise woman builds her house, the foolish one tears is down with her own hands. (The house here being her heritage, family, family name--generations of her home.) And then the Titus 2 passage, for the older, wiser, more experienced women to train the younger women to love their children, love their husbands and to be workers at home.

I didn't have a vendetta--just a simple desire to try to follow scripture. To please God with all of my heart, to seek first His kingdom,  by including a Biblical design of family as central to His heart. In seeking Him and His word, I found this.

But as a young mom making this choice, I faced so much loneliness and isolation. I will tell more of my story in the next article. But, first I want to address what I think is on the heart of Christ.

When He looked out on the multitudes, he felt compassion. When I look out a young moms today, I feel compassion, and I also feel that they are like sheep without a shepherd. Many long for direction and input and wisdom, help and support, but don't know where to go to find it. Most ministry messages and leaders don't really touch the subject very much as it creates so much friction in the Christian arena with so many having made different decisions, and yet with such sad results. The Barna polls--the constant descending morality, spirituality and faith of teens and 20 somethings plummeting every decade to an all time low.

I have rarely met a mom  who did not love and cherish their children. Yet, so many felt lost in a sea of contemporary philosophies. I see so many moms with pressures, especially in this current economy. Many have to work just to feed their families. Many sweet moms are single and bear so much pressure alone. Many young moms have just never heard of the Biblical call to motherhood. Many come from broken families and don't know how to love their children. Many moms have not been given the permission from their culture to stay home with their children. Many moms have just never considered or been taught the truth about their role in children's lives.

And yet, we know both from statistics and from Biblical wisdom, that no family becomes righteous without the devoted teaching and intentional training of their parents. We also know that when the next generation of adults, the children in our homes, are neglected, then the future adults will have no godly character, no purpose or direction and will cultivate the demise of culture.

I think that scripture teaches us to live by faith. There can be many ways of working out a family life in which righteousness is passed on to children. We must trust the Holy Spirit to direct and accomplish His will in each family according to His direction. I do see God doing miracles in so many families and that in all sorts of situations, righteousness can abound when parents or a mom is focussed on this as a central goal for her life. And none of our families will look exactly alike.

Yet, high Biblical standards must be embraced when Satan is at war with the souls, minds and consciences of this generation of youth.

But no matter your educational choice, or if you must work, building a godly legacy will require hard work, giving up of your self, sacrificing your time--as all great tasks require great sacrifice. What we sow we will reap.

So when I see a group of young moms, who don't seem to have anyone building into their lives, or giving them encouragement, wisdom or help, my heart breaks.  Cultural voices are available to give moms all sorts of input that will in many cases lead their children astray,  and to this, I react in my heart.

I feel a bigger stewardship to do whatever I can to get the messages out, training in more places, the sweet grace of the influence of a godly woman, into as many minds and hearts of moms as I can. And of course, I especially I long for churches, and Christian leaders,  to step up to the bat to be brave and forthright in holding forth the truth of scripture in these areas.

Malachi says of the priests who followed after God's heart, "True instruction was in his mouth, and unrighteousness was not found on his lips; he walked with me in peace and uprightness and he turned many back from iniquity. For the lips of the priest should preserve knowledge, and men should seek instruction from his mouth; for He is a messenger of the Lord of Hosts." (2: 6-7)

Our leaders, our older women,  should be holding up God's standards--their lips should preserve knowledge, including in this area of the Biblical call of family.

The church at large and Christian leaders should be the biggest champion of the Biblical, historical role of mothers and of the design of the family to be responsible for the values of their family.

So, I picked on one little video, which was perhaps out of proportion. It   just happened to hit me at a time of building up convictions for many years that often, in the Christian arena, we are straightening the picture on a wall of a house that is burning down--all sorts of Biblical books and instruction, but without this component--the call of building a righteous legacy as central through the home.

Perhaps it was not wise to do so. I did not have anything against the Christian leader, who will still be unnamed--her name is not the point--and I am quite sure she is following God and serving many--I just long for more--more help, more support, more input, more inspiring conviction, more wisdom to be valiantly, passionately taught about the role of "mothers" in the lives of their children.

As we would never expect to throw seeds out into the wind and expect it to become a beautiful garden, so we cannot throw our children out into the winds of culture and expect them to become people of great character and faith. Especially when media, values, television, movies, magazines, cultural values at large, take marriage, purity, godly character  lightly--and in the opposite direction, promote adulation of actors, athletes, musicians whose lifestyles are immoral and vain.

And yet, when God places a child into our arms, it is one of the most significant treasures we will ever be given--because what we do to invest in our children's lives will influence the course of history and the history of our children's lives and future generations. God will hold us responsible, us as parents--not church, school, society--but us, responsible to pass on God's truth and design, and righteousness into the next generation.

And so, my heart is to help all moms, whatever their puzzle, to encourage them to do the hard thing--to take the time, whatever is costs to be that person in their children's lives, who gives them an appetite for God and the things of God, to do the work of making their home a place of real life and beauty and truth and celebrated relationships, so that when they enter the gates of heaven, they can say to Jesus, "I did all that I could to whisper into the ears of my children the truths and secrets of the kingdom of heaven and to pass on a love for you." (what does it profit a mom to gain the whole world and lose the soul of her child.)

And so I long for the Christian arena, not to be a place of conflict in supporting this calling, but a place where the significance of this calling is being upheld and taught. And of course there are many places where this is happening. But I would love to know what you feel about this and what you have experienced. I want to encourage moms to take up their place in this battle for the souls.

So, forgive me for my misguided, momentary passion. But let me know what you think and if any of this is on your heart, and what your experience has been.

Grace and peace. on to speak in Grand Rapids this afternoon, with an ear infection, a small cold, but so blessed to be here with precious people.

Aaaaaarrrrrrrggggghhhhhh! Foolishness abounds!

"In the absence of Biblical conviction, people will go the way of culture." SBCLast night, a friend sent me a 3 minute video tape from a prominent Christian speaker. This was a small, personal video and so I am keeping the details private so that no one can guess who it is. To protect this woman's reputation, I will not write the part of what she said that began to eat at me. But, basically, what I heard was, "It's a hard culture for teens. It is normal for teens to rebel. Don't be too hard on yourself. God is still in control."

I do not want to be critical of those in the body who are also being used by God. So forgive me if I am reacting too much.

Now, I know that some will rebel--it happened even to Jesus with His disciples--(but He did after all reach the hearts of 11)--but she said, it is normal, you can expect it. She was saying that we are all subject to circumstances and that we have no power over the pull of culture on our children's lives. "Just keep walking with the Lord, even though your children will probably rebel!"

I am not saying that if you are a good parent, you will have perfect children. But if I have a minute to speak about this nationally, I am going to encourage parents to engage, hold on, instruct, love, win, and keep seeking God and His ways, no matter what else the cultural norm is.

Some may ask why I am reacting to this, after all, we cannot say everything we want to in just a few seconds when we are put on the spot.

But perhaps for me, it hit a nerve, because of all the criticism I have received over the years for staying at home with my children--for choosing to give up my time to disciple them, to love and teach them, to put up with the messes, to correct one more attitude, to stay up late, get up early. On interviews, I have been challenged. With publishers, I have been questioned. With church leaders, I have been called extreme. As far as my children are concerned, every battle won in their lives, close relationships with them, were hard fought every step of the way---but it was worth the investment.

So many in the professional world said, "Don't give up your ministry to stay home with children." or "You could write so many more books and do so much more speaking if you would just not expect so much of yourself in your home with your children."

I just want to come out on the side of championing the cause of those moms who are giving up their lives for  their children because they think it will make a difference. Some, working at odd jobs at night or giving up a large salary, working 1 or 2 days a week in order to be more engaged with their children. Some living on very limited salaries and with small homes and old cars, because of choosing to seek to spend time with their children at home in order to reach their hearts for Christ.

Some of my best friends, who are wonderful parents, have had children who have gone down he wrong path. But, we are not to take it passively--Jesus told Peter, "Satan has desired to sift you like wheat. But I have prayed for you that when you return you will strengthen the brethren."

Mamas, engaged, instructing, involved, encouraging--not just passive.

Now it is true that we are in difficult times and the culture pulls at our children's hearts and some may go astray. But that doesn't mean all will-and it doesn't mean we shouldn't fight for their hearts, give them a reason to be faithful, seek to make our home the best place they will ever be, so that they will want to be with us and love the God we love and serve.

What about the story of Daniel? Our God wants to use moms, normal moms, to civilize the world through their homes, though their children--(what about Proverbs 8, 9, 31, Titus 2, and on and on.)

Has she met some of these wonderful 20 somethings that came from our homes and love God and love His kingdom work, who, though tested, came out passionate for His kingdom? But these results were not accidental--they were by God's design.

Here, this national figure, who is known to be a Bible study leader, had a perfect opportunity to talk about God's plan of discipleship--of passing on righteousness in every generation. That we are stewards of their hearts, minds, emotions, morals and lives, regardless of the educational option we choose. That God's design was to pass on His purposes and a love for Him in every generation through the home--a mom and dad, responsible for their spiritual and moral instruction.

So, it is not just that she didn't say something more meaningful--but that so many leaders don't say anything meaningful to spur moms on to this high calling.

Yet, again, I saw, that in the absence of Biblical training, instruction, understanding of the word, especially if women are hearing this from Christian "leaders" or not hearing the message of "Do the hard thing." , then they will naturally go the way of culture--give up the responsibility of their children to others to raise, not worry about television, culture, media, peer pressure.  It is just the norm for teens to rebel.

Then, this happened this morning.

A sweet mom who is a friend of Clay and my secretary Jennice, asked me to speak for 5-8 minutes today to a very small group of moms--a local mom's club,  in our area, who are considering different schooling options for their children. I was a little pressed, not because I didn't want to encourage these moms, but I am leaving for Michigan tomorrow, will be home for 3 days and then leave again for California. I have so much to do. So many things to prepare--packing, arranging for Joy's retreat this weekend; leaving good food for Clay and Joy; getting my notes together and reviewing my talks for this weekend, emails, wash clothes, etc. You know the piles we moms have every day! And so I did not feel like I had the time.......

But, I knew that the Lord wanted me to do this--felt convicted in my heart. I was the homeschooling mom--the homeschooling option--tell about it in 5 minutes or less. Then there was the public school option, classical academy, arts, pre-school, kindergarten, etc. About 10 speakers all together.

The moms who attended were very sweet and open and responsive to the speakers.

However, I was struck by what ignorance or misleading amongst the women who presented--all very concerned women and sincere--but still, from all that I read and research, were misleading.  "You can leave your preschoolers here at the high school at 7 and come back and 6 and not have to worry about them all day."

Another, "Look at this big curriculum on math and science. We will give your 3 year old an educational advantage that will serve them the rest of their lives--starting them at 3 in this public arena is the most important foundation for their  future."

No, I hate to say I disagree. Science and math at 3 is not the most important thing.

These are some of the personal comments I heard after the talks:

"For those of you who are tired of your children bothering you all day, let us give you a break. We will make sure these children learn to stay on their mats, but we won't interfere with them too much."

"Some moms are just not children types and are not gifted to be able to teach or discipline their children."

"I am just not the type to stay home and spend time with children. My gifts are better used with adults. I wouldn't know what to do anyway."

Hogwash!  (I am sorry, I know this is too strong a word and someone reading this will get mad at me for th is.)

I was not a "natural" mom--I had never even changed a diaper. I am allergic to housework. Didn't know what to do all day with my children--but then I kept reading the Bible and knew that the Holy Spirit was telling me that I was responsible to whisper the secrets of the Kingdom of God into the lives, minds hearts of my children.

Now I am not talking about educational choices, as I trust God to work in a number of different ways, according to each family and each area of the world. Each country and each family and region has a different puzzle to solve. (Though, it was my own personal Biblical convictions that led me to homeschool and I love it and am passionate about it to anyone who wants to hear!)

But, I am talking about responsibility---we are responsible to direct our children's lives. We are called to give up our lives, as Jesus gave up His life for us, for the well being of training, loving and preparing our children for life--eternal life. Nothing great was ever accomplished without great sacrifice!"

Has anyone ever read the verse, "Woe to the one who causes the least of these little ones to stumble. It would be worse for him than if a millstone was hung around his neck and he was thrown into the deepest part of the sea."

Jesus had a pretty strong opinion about what we would face if we willingly put our children in harm's way--he said that little children were what the kingdom was made of--we cannot be a mature Christian and get rid of the "burden" of having children by giving the training of them to others--can't be spiritual and ignore the responsibility of our children's souls. 

But, in the end, I was refreshed or maybe re-educated as to what was going on out there in the world. Women are not hearing that choices have consequences--that their children's hearts, minds, morals and future is dependent on the vision and faithfulness of mothers in this generation.

"What does it profit a mom to gain the whole world, and lose their children's soul?" (paraphrase, mine.)

They are not hearing that if mother's do not take initiative now to be personally responsible for their children, there will not be a future generation of adults with excellent character, Biblical convictions, leadership qualities--and children who will have learned that family is important, marriage is of great value to God and that we are responsible for the world hearing the truth in our generation.

As God said to Isaiah, "Who will I send." Let the response be, "Send me."

Every year about this time, I begin to pray about and consider, "Lord, when do you think Clay and I should retire from these mom's conferences? I am a little tired and getting older and traveling is not as easy as it used to be. I would like to stay home more--keep my children home with me. Maybe women have heard these messages and know your Biblical design."

And then something like this happens to wake me up! How can I go to heaven and look Jesus in the face unless I take responsibility for what I know? How can I leave these sweet moms to the wolves of culture? I must redouble my efforts to speak, write, teach, train, and give everything I have, for the sake of Christ's cause and for the sake of the next generation. 

And so I gave away almost all the books I brought--even though very few women came by my table. I want to get these messages in the hands of everyone I can.

Will you help me? 

Invite moms to the mom's conferences where they will hear and be refreshed in their divine call as a mom. mom Heart Conferences 2010 

Give away our books to moms, to leaders, to moms of babies. Help us get the word out in whatever ways the Holy Spirit brings to your mind. Connect your friends in some way to our website, blogs, and those other blogs and websites that promote a Biblical, gracious, purposeful, intentional instruction for Mom's to live a grace-filled, but spiritually purposeful life. 

Pray for God to raise up women leaders who have a heart in the grand arena of the world who will represent these views. Encourage and pray for bloggers, writers, leaders who lead groups along the lines of these Biblical beliefs.  Support the ministries and organizations financially that seek to get these messages out. 

It is not God's will for us to be consumers of great books, messages, blogs. It is His will that we become producers, and give back what we ourselves have been given. 

I will do my share to keep writing and speaking and giving out books as long as He opens doors for me to do so. 

What will you do?

If you know these Biblical secrets, He will hold you responsible for doing what you can to help, to encourage, to instruct and pray for other moms, whose children need to be trained for His kingdom.

So now, I am "fired up" to go into the rest of these conferences boldly, enthusiastically, with the truth--to teach Biblical principles--until I go to see Him face to face. He has children on His mind. I want Him to be pleased with my life, because I have children on my mind, too.

Please pray for our health, protection, guidance, strength and wisdom, as we seek to help as many families and moms in the months ahead.

Thanks for letting me vent! Forgive me if I have offended anyone--it is not my heart to do so unnecessarily. God's grace and peace to you.