Dreams at bedtime

Girls Club at the Great Wall

Last night, my two girls and I were on my bed talking of dreams and lives we hope to live as a family. I was covered up--my two girls were tucking me in! It was a bittersweet time for me to listen to their hearts as I know that there are many dreams I have held all of my life that have never yet come true, but I still dream them. And of course, I know that some of their dreams will lead them far from me. But how precious it was to hold this time in my memory when hearts are open and deepest desires shared and we were all snuggled together as I fought to keep my eyes open.

God's will originally was that all women would have the opportunity to get married, to have children (who are by all Biblical means a blessing), and to do their work in harmony with their husbands--to leave a legacy of righteousness, beauty, productivity, and tradition. To, through the family, pass on righteousness and a loving relationship with God for every generation.

Yet, my girls find themselves in a broken world, where few have their values, and many children of their generation have ended up with broken hearts because their mothers lost the heart of God's call on their lives. I would love to say that my girls will have the opportunity to meet godly, righteous men who have a dream of building family influence in their generation. I pray for it every day.

But, as we face another day, I am seeking to give them a heart--a renewed heart for bringing the light and beauty of their hearts into the moments of their lives, to be a witness to the world of those things we have cherished in this life, whatever God's will ends up being in this life for them.

We had a wonderful time at the Denver conference this weekend and feel so stimulated by all the talk and interaction we received. But one sweet woman, in tears, asked me, "How long do you keep praying for some of your dreams to come true and when do you quit and accept God's response as 'no'?"

Well, I can't answer God's will for her life, but I do feel that the older I get, the more childlike I seek to be. There is a temptation in life to become cynical and crusty. Yet, when I studied some of the verses about God's will this year, I was impressed, again, to pursue child-like (not childish) faith--to keep believing my God can do anything; to believe in HIs goodness, to believe in prayer.

And so, I continue sharing my own dreams with Him, I pray for miracles, I pray for Him to do great things in and through the lives of my children, Clay and me. I ask Him to knock down walls, stretch our sphere of influence--because I want everyone to know how personal, responsive and gracious He is. I want, like a child, to not measure my life by what I can provide for myself, but by what He is able to do as I believe in Him and trust Him.

It may be that some of my deep down, inner secret dreams may not be realized until heaven. But I can never imagine a time when I will be able to say, "Now I think God is telling me to live by what I can see and not to have faith anymore."

And so, today, I am writing down in my journal just some of the things He has put on my heart to keep dreaming--and then placing them--and my girl's dreams-- into His lovely, capable hands.

 

 

Count it all joy when you encounter various trials....Really? Are you kidding?

 My Nathan  "It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased." C. S. Lewis

 "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials,  knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

I am not naturally a very noble or valiant person. And so when I read this verse over the years, I would flinch and go through it quickly, because I didn't relish trials. Our lives have been full of them and I have, at times, learned to dread another day in case it might have some new trial in it. 

Having 4 children, homeschooling, moving 17 times, 6 times internationally, and all the difficulties in relationships, criticism for my ideals, finances, health issues, loneliness, marriage, the different phases of my children's lives, ministry and an overload of responsibilities, just keeping up with all the work that never ends was so very much harder than I ever realized life would be.

Though in my early 20's, I became serious about the Lord, and truly committed to going anywhere, doing anything for His kingdom, I no more had an idea of what that would mean, than a little girl who dresses up as a princess and pretends to know what it would mean to become a queen and rule a country. 

Yet, I can look back now, after many years of trials, and see that God had such great plans for my life, and the only pathway to these plans of His, was through many trials. I had pretty much committed myself to becoming a warrior for His kingdom in this life, not realizing that in order for someone to become a general to lead others into battle, he must first begin with basic training.

Basic training is that hard, disciplined, demanding season of training that seeks to build strength, self-control, in the life of a would-be soldier. It is also for the purpose of drawing soldiers forward, stretching their capacity to be stronger, more capable, to live up to their own ability and potential.  

After passing successfully through basic training, a soldier must  prove worthy in real battles to earn the right to humbly and wisely lead others into victory in bigger arenas.

And so, because God delights in us entering into the fray of this world, to bring light, beauty, truth and to stand strongly and boldly for His purposes, he sends us trials and training to prepare us for the platform He would have us stand on. His trials have been the training grounds to give me integrity in my messages so that I really could encourage other women. Only God was there in the dark moments of my life, to see if my heart would respond in faith, to do the hard work, to love when no one else knew I was making this choice but God. 

And so, my victories through the trials became the very platform in which I saw the grace of God, His goodness and love, in seeing that He had a better plan for me than I had for myself. My integrity was won in the seemingly invisible places, where He was testing and strengthening me for bigger arenas. And so I understand this process better for my children as they foray into life. 

Last year, when my son, Nathan had returned from finishing his training at the New York Film Academy, he told us he wanted to go out to Hollywood to give a try to get into the film industry or music industry to seek to have an impact for Christ. Of course it seemed very scary to me. I was not excited to send my child into another dark arena.

Nate said, "Mom, it would be such a shame for a wrestler to train and work out and exert himself his whole life and never be able to have a chance to compete in a real arena. You have trained us our whole lives, saying that we needed to consider what work God had for us to do for His Kingdom while we were here on the earth. I believe that for now, He is leading me to walk by faith into this difficult area and to learn how to be a warrior for him." 

And so, Nathan went to California, without a permanent housing situation, with only enough money for 3 months, no Christian roommates, no apartment, and no job, but he believed that the Lord would be with him. 

The first thing he did was to find a good church, while he stayed for some days with an unbelieving friend he met at the NY Film Academy. Then, by God's grace, he found an affordable housing situation with 2 Christian roommates, worked at a very demanding job that eventually ended, got down to his last few dollars, came home at Christmas to get refueled.

He had been through a lot of trials. When he needed money, he had to turn down a couple of job offers because the shows he was asked to play in were not morally acceptable to his Christian values. Yet he said, "I really believe God is with me and He is stretching my capacity to follow Him and believe in Him. He doesn't want me to be a wimp, He w ants to build me into a man."

And so we all prayed like crazy every day, and he went back out and pounded the sidewalks, and has found enough "extras" jobs in the last few weeks, to pay his rent this month, his food and gas for his car, and keeps seeing God opening doors every day. 

Today, he will be an extra in another tv show, always hoping to be noticed and bumped up to a little bit bigger job that pays more. (Prayers would be appreciated.) Tomorrow, he will be an extra in a movie and hopes again, not to just be an extra, but to be bumped up to another more important job.

But, in the meantime, he joined the worship team, is in a worship band, meets with the pastor, has begun to make friends, and keeps praying for God's favor.

It is a day by day existence, of trusting God, answering every email, pursuing by faith, God's pathway for him.

And so, Nathan isn't just in training, he is now wrestling in the arena of life, seeking to stretch in the difficult matches he is up against, to win and move onto bigger arenas. 

Each of us has this same opportunity to live a faithful story--to choose in the trials of life, to be faithful, to see it as our training grounds. How can we encourage others in this fallen place if we do not see God's faithfulness in our own story as we hold His hand and move faithfully forward, so that we will have a story to tell, a way to encourage from the integrity of our own lives? 

 And so I find great joy, in seeing both of my sons becoming strong men, not because their lives are easy, but because God is building them through the trials, into men of integrity, men  who cannot rest on the coattails of their parents, but must themselves push through the trials, choose faith and see as the result, God making them into true men of God, so that He can use them in their lifetime.

Today, don't resist the trials--they will be the making of your character, the galvanizing of your integrity, the defining of a great story of your king working on your behalf in the history of His redeeming the world back to himself. Your opportunity to show forth your true love for Him.

And, surprisingly, in this process, I am finding great, deep down, fulfilling joy.

Dancing with My Father, a book about Biblical joy.

The secret to a noble and pure heart

Every day, we have 24 hours to invest our lives in what will matter for eternity. But the place in which nobility, civility, graciousness flows out of is the heart in the every day, little moments of our day. Each day we will be tempted to act in a manner that is harsh, impatient, unloving, judgmental of others--lashing out because the other person was harsh, impatient, ......... Yet, the only way to overcome these temptations and end life with a wise, peacemaking, loving, gentle heart, is to invest in our heart every day by being with the source of all goodness and loving-kindness, the Lord Jesus. Hebrews 1 tells us that He is the exact representation of God--He speaks God's words, He shows His heart, He manifests His wisdom. 

Jesus said, "I am humble and meek. Learn from me." This seems to be my pondering of the year. Learn from Him. He didn't revile when he was reviled. He loved and gave grace to Peter when he fell. He washed 120 toes the night before he died and ended serving those for whom He would die.

The more I regularly invest my heart, my commitments, my faith, my love in my relationship to my Lord, king, model and friend, the more, my own heart will be noble and pure. And the place where reality marries truth is in my obedience, each second, each moment, each day. Seeking to emulate his life, choosing to obey, against my feelings, those things he spoke to my heart in the privacy of my time with Him.

May He fill me today with His words, His presence, His love so that I may practice in the moments of this day, all that He has shown me in our time together. May I repent when I fall short. May I live in His mercy and grace and extend it to those, who like me, so deeply need to feel it today.

Living happily within my limitations

Last week, I was staying at a hotel for two nights, to work on some projects and deadlines that were weighing heavily on my shoulders. Once in a while, Clay sends me away, knowing that with people wanting to eat, the dog concocting havoc, the phone ringing, I cannot get much done. Three of my children were out of state visiting friends and Joy was with a friend at an all day event, and had come to my hotel room late at night to spend some this morningwith me. This was the week my new book, Dancing with My Father, was to begin being promoted and distributed. I was up by 4 a.m. because I was already feeling stressed. As I sat in the lobby of the hotel, feeling very alone and agitated, I began to get to the core of what I was feeling. I had received 17 pages of suggestions of what I was supposed to do to help self-market my book and to market myself--which in and of itself does not suit my personality. 

New learning curves--facebook fan page, twitter, amazon page, and 8 other networks to join and to connect and to write on and to comment on and to keep up with and to answer back and and and. I was feeling anxious because I had already followed directions, with much difficulty, on three of the proposed areas I was to complete, and already, I had "tweets" I didn't know how to find, growing emails in my inbox, (with already a couple of thousand from last year, that had not been dealt with, and I had been spending way too much time in my home on screens--looking every few minutes at what was binging from my computer. 

And then there were these great people in my life, who seemed to do it so well. Technology was a skill set for them, it came naturally. Their blogs grew, added, they understood tweeting and twittering and all I had ever done was to marvel at birds who such language had been applied to! 

As I sat there for two hours, reading my Bible, praying, pondering how I was going to meet all of these deadlines and expectations. I  already knew I was not going to be able to answer all the people I had been told I needed to "write back." 

I was drawn to the passage about David and Goliath. David was to fight Goliath, the giant, the next day. The great king Saul, the picture of a ruler in this world, already a proven, successful warrior, offered David his armor to wear, his sword to use, for the great battle. 

But this is what David said, "I cannot go in these because I am not used to them." So he took them off. Then he took his staff in his hand, chose five smooth stones from the stream and put them in the pouch of his shepherd's bag, and with his sling, approached the Philistine, and defeated him.

I realized that I was David--He did not come in the expected way, using what a warrior was expected to use--these were not suitable to him. God's glory was in using a young boy, with the Lord of Hosts behind him, to defeat the giant, within the confines of his personality and experience.

God's glory would only come, through my life, if I lived within my own limitations and capacities. I am a simple woman, a mom and wife, who lives life fairly simply, taking care of my family, doing the day to day work, seeking to still disciple my children, writing because I cannot quit--it is a drive  from God. But, the fittings of someone else, and their skill set,  did not fit me--would not be the way I was to fight my battle or enter the fray. I am free to be simple as David was--to use my stones and my sling shot against the giants of my life--because God was with me. 

If I tried to market myself and spent a great deal of my days on my computer and putting off the needs of my children and husband, then I would not be able to write with integrity. I would have to compromise my priorities and neglect my ideals.

I have never found peace or productivity by looking at what other people were doing--by "trying to keep up with the Jones."I am not to look about me and seeing what everyone else is doing and try to compete with them, trying to keep up with them. But,  I am to look to God and follow Him in what He is asking me to do, knowing my strengths, weaknesses, personality and knowing that in God's hands, it is enough. 

So, I am not saying that what other women, whose personality and skill set and puzzle is different from mine are to do. I am quite sure that God is using them in the internet to reach women all over the world. Perhaps those bright women, with web-marketing skill sets will be the ones who help me reach more women. I want to use whatever means God has provided--especially the internet--to reach women. 

But my part, at this point, is to write. I can also speak--I love traveling and getting the opportunity to travel with my children, ministering shoulder to shoulder with women. It is what I can do.

But, computer marketing and joining and keeping up with networks will prevent me from doing what I already know God has given me to do--to take the time to personally invest in the lives that are right here in front of me--I cannot, at this time, do both well. 

It is not my skill set and not what I believe God is calling me to do during this season. I am to seek Him, keep my eyes on Him, listen to his marching orders for me,  to write about what I learn, and to keep my husband, children, home and personal ministry at the center and leave the rest to Him.

I looked up, with new peace, and there in my window view was one of the most sparkling sunrises I had seen in quite a while. The picture window of the lobby faced Pike's peak and with the snow on the cap, and the sun shining on the crystals, the whole scene seemed to sparkle and dance before my eyes. I was stopped in my tracks by the hand of God's creativity. 

I began to hear His voice in my heart. "I have always been with you through the journey of your writing and ministry. It is me who will provide what you need, not all the market principles and Martha-ing about the internet in ways that are above you. You put me first in your life and take care of your priorities and I will take care of the rest. If you try to "work" and "provide" for yourself, you will only find more stress and fretting, and you will draw away from me. If you rest in me and do what I have called you to do, I will take care of the rest."

Immediately, I was struck with the thought, "You have a beautiful 14 year old, sleeping upstairs, and she is the priority of your day--you have been given this time to celebrate life with her. Don't waste it looking at screens."

And so we had one of the best days I can remember--we had a delightful breakfast out, giggling, sharing secrets away from the crowd of our family, read a magazine together and talked about dreams; went for a walk around a mountain lake, ended with a "chick-flick" and chattering all the way home.

I can't live my life the way others do. I must live within the limitations of my personality, my skill set, my life.  And in following God for my own personal life-puzzle, I will find rest, contentment and joy.

Want your children to read more? Rain gutter bookshelves!

Wow! What a flurry of activity in my home the past few days--book giveaways, interviews, Joel making an album, Sarah figuring out business taxes, trying to keep Joy centered in her schooling and everyone still wants to eat!  The comments and emails and facebooks have been so encouraging. Please forgive me for not keeping up--but the response has been so sweetly encouraging--makes me want to keep writing. Bless all of you for writing to me!

One of my keys to give me time to work on everything is to give a goal of a reading marathon. I choose magazines, books, picture books and bribe with a tray of tea and honey toast. I have noticed when I put books out in baskets, on table tops, and make them "seeable", I get someone reading something all the time. 

This concept was covered in this great article with a similar idea.

 But this article will share the main details. Happy reading.

 

 

http://www.trelease-on-reading.com/oliver.html

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Is it possible to lose 20 pounds by next week?

Oh, the feeling is so familiar. It is January and I am going to have to speak--in front of people!--starting next week. Maybe if I run 5 miles a day and do weights and don't eat at all, I can lose that weight--25 pounds or so. I actually put the exercise videos near the television set in December, so that when we watched movies over the holidays, I would see it and take advantage of it. Somehow getting out the dvd's did not make a dent in my conscience .....  There has been this funny, squishy, blobby stuff gathering around my waist little by little the last few years. I would really like to blame it on seven pregnancies--but alas, it is probably more due to that extra couple of sugar cookies that I just so enjoyed, or that extra helping of New Year's enchilada's.

I am looking more and more each year like the velveteen rabbit mama--used, abused, old but much loved. Even last week, one of my children, thinking they were going to make me feel better, said, "Mom, it's normal for women your age to look a little squishy. Everybody expects it. Don't be one of those women tries to look like she's years younger than she actually is".

Is there such a woman? 

Another child said, "Hey, maybe you could get one of those neck exercise gadgets that firms up your neck.They say it works pretty fast." 

I won't even repeat what Clay said. He was also trying to be understanding.

Jesus said for us to be humble--my family is helping me to stay humble. 

Oh well, I will keep doing my Leslie Sansone walk off the pounds and my sit ups and hope that I can take at least two weeks  of eating off of my sweet aging body. Off to make dinner, that I guess I shouldn't eat........ 

So what new secret diet are you all trying?

A Joyful Heart is Good Medicine

   

A couple of years ago, I was sitting in a park in Poland where over 20 years before I had been a young, idealist missionary. At this particular moment, I had just finished a mission trip to Austria, DuBai, Macedonia, and ending up in Poland.

All along the way, wonderful missionaries and Christian leaders and women who attended my seminars, confided in me their issues and problems--marriage, prodigal children, financial, disappointments with Christian leaders, loneliness, depression and so on. I was pondering my own life. It seemed that often, my walk with the Lord was more of a plodding by obedience, but often lack luster and at times I questioned God's goodness because of my own challenges.

As I was sitting there on this lovely spring day, I realized that I felt the same way so many in my life did--a disappointment at the lack of ideals that were upheld in  life. Loneliness. Weariness. Disappointment. I wanted and have always wanted to be close to God, but sometimes He felt far away. I had been a Christian for many years and in full time Christian work for over two decades. But, when I looked at my own heart, I could see that I shared the feelings of those who had shared with me on the trip.

I still loved God with my whole heart, but struggled to be in that place of peace, joy and that sense of the Holy Spirit bubbling up from within like springs of water. Now, of course I had lived in love with the Lord and had so many times been filled with an overwhelming love for Him and His reality.

Yet, another realization permeated my mind. I do not want to be a victim. I don't want to go gasping into heaven with a strain on my face, saying, "Well, I'm here! I made it." I wanted to have joy, to be content, peaceful, consistent. I began to form a commitment in my heart. If Biblical joy, a fruit of the spirit, I want to have it, understand it, live in it. I did not want the outer issues of my life to determine the internal state of well being.

And so, my quest began--my quest to understand Biblical joy. To be the kind of believer that others could really be with me and sense the love, goodness and life of Christ, consistently, all the time.

Just at that moment, I glanced over and saw a sweet, little toddler gleefully swirling around with his arms held upward, grasping at lovely blossoms from a budding tree that were gently raining down in the breeze. I thought, "That is how I want to be--innocent, unaware of burdens, joyfully engaging in life with my God with deep, heartfelt joy bubbling over in my heart."

And so, this book was the beginning of that journey for me. Just the study of joy and the pondering of what it means to walk with joy every day, every moment, no matter what, has deeply changed my life. I look at my life differently. I have more peace. I feel so much more grateful.

My daughter, Sarah, said, "I think this book is your magnum opus--your life's message." When I asked her why, she said, "Our life has been filled with stresses known and unknown to others--very difficult most years. And yet, you have always wanted to mount up over it--to find the reality of Christ no matter how hard, how disappointed, how lonely our family has been. I think you were called by God to learn this and to share it at this time."

Such a true statement--it is a roadway of finding victory in what could have been a defeated life. God is so good and He has been so faithful. I truly hope that my own journey toward Him, in the midst, might in some way give many of you a some bit of courage, strength, love and joy.

Finally, we are able to offer this book to you, my friends. I pray that if you are struggling with life, disappointed, longing for God in a deep way, that in some small way, this book will be of encouragement to you and that you may make strides, as I have in learning what it means to walk in God's presence and to experience His joy every day.

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You may order it from our ministry here.

 

I have been so very encouraged and blessed by many of you in the past few days--leaving comments, joining my fan page on facebook. It is so foreign to me and not my normal personality skill set. In the midst of praying about it with Joy, she surprised me by putting announcements on face book, starting a fan page for the mom heart conferences, and designing a button. It was really a sweet surprise to see this morning when I awakened that she had done her best to help me at several levels in areas of computer that are quite foreign to me.

She was aptly named, Joy! May the grace, peace and joy of the Lord be yours today!

Beware of the roaring lion!

"Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." I Peter 5:8

January is a time when so many people I know are tempted to be discouraged, and feel like giving up--on something! Seems I read an article a few years ago that said January was the time for more people to go on depression medicine. I think that it is true that what goes up, must come down! Adrenalin is up, energy and ideals are up in early December, and then in January, it is cold, bills from Christmas come in, the celebrations are over, and so often, people feel the weight of adrenalin, emotional, spiritual low. One of my best friends told me yesterday that she can't read sweet stories about other children because it makes her so sad for her own who are struggling now. I understand so well.

After having a great time with our children over the holidays, Satan came out unexpectedly and whapped us with full force on Tuesday. It was out of the blue and it caused some havoc and lots of deep sadness in our family--threw us off our feet. (personal stuff that I do not share to protect the innocent!) I should have been ready for this blow because, every year as we go into the conference season to encourage women to stay true to their commitments, to hold fast their faith, to work hard to keep going--every year, we are sorely tempted and attacked in most interesting ways.

This attack went right to my heart. It got me right where it hurts and caused me on of the saddest days I have known in many years. It was an attack on one of my children, and that breaks my heart. But during the conference season, we always have intense difficulties and challenges in our lives. Things like my mom breaking her hip one year the day before our big conference began, a ruptured disc for Clay, a person in charge of organizing conferences that year having a parent come down with cancer from which he soon died, weird little problems with cars, a child breaking her ankle the day before the conference, computers, people, illnesses, and harsh attacks from other believers.

Yet, there is an enemy who hates for us to keep faithful to our ideals for our families and for the Lord. Satan, Peter tells us, is our adversary. He prowls through the earth--like he did when he asked God if he could seek to destroy Job. Like he did when Jesus said to Peter, "Satan desires to sift you like wheat." Peter, who was so personally experienced at this, because of Satan tempting him to deny Christ at the crucifixion, warns us to be on the alert. He is seeking, Peter tells us, to devour us!

But, we are, after all, in a battle, that rages in this world--a battle for the hearts and souls giving allegiance to the one true God, to believe in His goodness, to give the gift of our faith in the darkness--to choose to believe and praise and worship and live for His reality yet to be revealed.

We are getting slowly used to stepping beyond our difficulties and seeing who is really at war with us. Clay and I had a talk in the wee hours of the night, and began to praise our wonderful Lord. We had to go through the dark corridor of dealing with the stress, the issues, and then by obedience went to the pathways of faith, not by feelings, but by depending on His truth.  We praised Him for His power and the ability to use all things in our lives to make us more into the image of Christ. We asked for His strength and for His grace and power. We walked, by faith, into our next day, confidently that He would be our defender and our Father and care for all the details. But we did have to go to this place of meeting with Him and giving it to Him.

I have learned to ask myself questions in the midst of my own dark times. I have learned to ask these questions of other women. Who would like for you to remain bitter? Discouraged?

Who would like for you to give up on your ideals--to say, "I can't do this anymore." ?

Who wants you to be angry at your spouse? To be resentful of your children? Your family? Your inlaws?

Who wants you to worry and fret and stew and hold on to pet fears?

Who is trying to separate you from your friends?

Who is tempting you to think that God does not hear prayer, that He doesn't really care about you? To doubt God's goodness?

I think that it is at this very moment--when the darkness comes in--that faith if of most value and pleases God the most and absolutely frustrates Satan. Satan doesn't think we will believe and be strong. God is already waiting to lead and provide and help. But we have this honorable moment, when we can say, "I love you. I believe you. I will choose to trust you."

David reminds us in the Psalm 139: 7,

"Where can I go from thy Spirit? Or where can I flee from thy presence?

If I ascend to heaven, you are there. If I make my bed in Sheol, (hell)  behold you are there.

If I take the wings of the dawn and dwell in the remotest part of the sea, Even there your hand will lead me and your right hand will take hold of me.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will overwhelm me, and the light around me will be night," Even the darkness is not dark to you and the night is as bright as teh day. Darkness and light are alike to you."

And so, we who are the children of the light, can be comforted by Him, who sees all, is over all, is with us through it all, and He will use it for our good and for His glory. May He give you encouragement today!

And I have to say, it makes me so excited to have the great opportunity to speak at the mom's conferences! He is on our side. I can't wait to encourage all of you who will be able to come. There is still lots of time to register as the hotels are extending their dates. Will you please help me to get the word out? I will post the winners for December in just a little bit. Thanks for all of your help and prayers--all of us at Whole Heart are so very grateful for you and for your letters, help, prayers--they keep me going forward and writing and speaking. I could not do it without you and your support. You will never know how much you are angels in my life!

Choices of the heart when no one else is looking....

You never know what consequences your life will have from that one moment, when you are in darkness or weariness or being tempted to fear or giving up, and you decide to trust the Lord, to hold His hand, to believe and extend grace. This is where messages of integrity are made--when no one but the Lord is looking. And yet it is where the integrity of your soul is built--the integrity you have--the decisions you make, the work you do because it is right, fit, and godly and will make a difference. This is the life out of which your message will flow to the world.

I was reminded of this yesterday through a sweet friend. I never knew that those countless nights when I was alone in the dark with the Lord, that my heart's cry would become useful in the life of another. This sweet mom encouraged me to be even more faithful in my alone moments!
She has three little ones, who like mine, have middle of the night illnesses. I had 3 out of 4 asthmatics and all of mine, for years, bordered on hospitalization, ruptured ear drums, surgeries and thousands of sleepless nights for me--I was so tired, at times, I thought I had a dread disease. Yet, when tempted to despair, He taught me to go to HIm, to sing little hymns in the middle of the night, to worship as I cuddled and rocked and served--and learned to push away panic. 
And this became a message that spoke to a sweet friend in the middle of her sleepless nights.
Here are her words, 
"I have three small sick children...10, 7 and 4...one with croup, one with Strep, and the other with upper respiratory "stuff"...been to the E.R. already this week....As I am awake each night comforting my children with cold cloths, and back scratches, and ice chips, I hear your voice first in the words I've read throughout your books of the many fearful, sleepless, tiring nights you encountered with sick children....I learned to seek the comfort of My God, and SOOO wanted to know Him during these times, the way that you seemed to know Him....

 

 
So, I do hear your voice first, comforting MY HEART, and reminding me to cry out to the Lord...and then comes HIS VOICE...so tender...comforting me to overflowing to then enable me to comfort my children...no more succumbing to fear...what a gift...
How sweet her words were to me yesterday-- to keep me going where I am right now!
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I could never have known that my faithfulness in the nights, in the tender, vulnerable, bone-tiring moments, feeling small and insignificant--my heart looking upward--would become the basis of comfort for others. 
Your courage is not just for your family, but for all those God will bring in your life--"We comfort those with the comfort with which we have been given in our trials." So, keep working on your own story of faithfulness--it will become your message of integrity.
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On this note, one of my sweet gifts from the Lord is finding other women with deep souls, who so generously and skillfully use words to encourage and shape me. One such is Elizabeth Foss. She is a lover of family, children's books, good food, great thoughts and Jesus. I loved this post about the struggle in the midst of an already difficult week with a myriad of children, getting them to church and then seeing the Christmas moment through the eyes of her precious little one. Brought tears to my eyes! Enjoy 
So great to hear from so many of you. Thanks for all the prayers for us and our ministry--it means so much and I do so want to see the Lord work mightily in families in 2010. If you have a spare moment, please pray for my sweet children-especially Nathan as he goes back to LA with only one month of wages left in his pocket! We continue to live a life of faith as a family with so many, many issues on our plates--yet, I have learned so much about staying in the safe place of joy and trust this year. He is so good---more on that later!
I know we delight God's heart, to seek Him together and to ask Him to work mightily in and through our lives and children this year. Grace and peace to you all! and may the strength of the Lord fill you today!