First Time Obedience, really? Another view into the process

My own sweet children--the ones trusted into our hands to love and raise for Him!

I am reprinting an article because of many requests. In one article, it is impossible to cover all the bases. So, obviously, there are sides of this issue that I cannot adequately address in one short article. Did we seek to have our children obey us? Of course--through training, instruction, patience, love and guidance. By God's grace, our precious children, my best friends, and wonderful adults, love us, love the Lord and are engaged in seeking to be responsible in their lives. It is the greatest earthly blessing in my life to be at this place where they all "work" in different places, but where even this week, as I have 3 of them home, agree, that the best place is home because we all belong together. So, I share this article with the heart desire to bless and encourage--but not to cause undue response or consternation. Again, I give to you:

First time obedience, really?

My own children, on whom many philosophies of child discipline were practiced. And yet God's grace covered our mistakes and they grew into healthy loving human beings by His grace!

Often, the subject of child discipline comes up as I am working with young parents. I do not have the time to answer all of my email or comments as I must stay focussed on my own family and I will not be able to answer all the questions this article will raise, so please understand my time limitations. But I do offer this as some of my own thoughts on childhood discipline and hope that in some way, it may be of encouragement. My blog below is a mish-mash of some of my thoughts--but hope you can make some sense of it!

A Need for Guidance

Well-meaning parents all over the world have tried throughout the centuries to try to figure out the right formula or wisdom to use in raising up a godly, responsible, emotionally and spiritually healthy child. It is right to desire to find a way to love, educate, train and discipline a child to help him become mature.

However, in our culture, so many young couples do not live around their parents, do not have good models of what a healthy family looks like, and so they look to "authorities" to find their answers--people who speak or write books. (Scary thought, since that is what Clay and I do!)

Formulas do not work!

And, I believe, most parents are looking for a formula--a one easy step guide to instantly raising up an obedient child, a one size fits all.

But, over the years, I have heard so many extreme talks about child training and I have also seen many young immature parents follow rigid, formulaic parenting philosophies and I have lived to see many children rebel, leave all the training of their parents and even turn their hearts away from God.

The parents wring their hands saying, "I don't understand. I followed all the books and did it just like they said!"

Thinking Biblically

However, when we learn to think Biblically, we must learn to live by faith and in wisdom in the raising of our children. If God had wanted us to follow a formula, He would have given one and made it clear so that we could use the ten easy rules to pop out perfect children. But He made each person with a different personality, different maturity level, different ability.

Scripture is much more long term about maturity than we usually want to understand. "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not fall away."

"The path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, which shines brighter and brighter until the full day." A path of life parenting that allows for more and more light to show forth with each passing year.

In Hebrews we read about the mature and immature--about babes who are still drinking milk and not yet ready for solid food--and here the context is of a young Christian and a mature one--allowing for growth.

I tend to look at my children through this lens, "It is the kindness and mercy of the Lord that leads to repentance." Romans

An Issue of the Heart

First, we must understand that all discipline should be focussed on the heart--not the behavior. Over 800 times in scripture, God talks about the heart--Love the Lord with all of your heart. God searches to and fro for a heart that is completely his. Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart. and so on. And yet I see many extraverts being disciplined for being louder and more talkative (not rebellion--a personality issue--or boys for being boys--moms who want them to behave like a little lady, etc.)

But God is concerned with our desire to love and obey Him, he already knows we are immature and that we take time to understand His ways. Jesus was patient with Peter and said, "Satan has desired to sift you like wheat," He predicted that Peter would fall--and Jesus was totally supportive of his disobedient, immature disciple---He said, "I have prayed for you, and after you have returned, strengthen the brethren." In other words, "I know you will blow it, but I will be with you, I will pray for you, I will still use you."

And so, when we discipline our children, we must learn to look at their hearts. Is their heart rebellious? Are they being willful? Am I expecting too much for them--their age, their level of over-stimulation, the circumstances, their maturity level, their abilities? A child should not be punished for being exhausted, immature, a boy, or for making a mistake. I make mistakes all the time, again and again. And yet scripture teaches in the new testament and the old that maturity is as a result of training, time, growth, heart and will.

I just have to state at the beginning of this article that my goal was to have my children learn to obey me and to honor me quickly, from a heart that had been trained and nurtured to respond, to want to please me as a parent and to have a heart that wants to please God. Sometimes this means exerting my authority immediately to help them learn that they must learn to listen to mama. Often it meant picking them up into my arms as toddlers to quickly stop the wrong behavior and to whisper, talk to them about my expectation as their mother that they would obey. Grace-based parenting is not equal to permissiveness and lack of training or responsibility for children.

I read constantly when my children were little to learn about how they were made. I remember that I read an article that said that the average 2 year old took between 30 seconds and a minute to have some messages sink in if they were engaged in their brain somewhere else. And so often, I see moms being very strict with their children and being harsh when sometimes the child has not even understood yet just what he is doing wrong. Harshness does not win over a child. Neither does wanting a 2 year old to be more mature than he can be and so punishing him for being 2. We must use wisdom and discretion to understand the situation, the heart of a child, and how to best train him according to our wisdom, faith and training of the child. It is the kindness and mercy of God that leads to repentance. Child discipline should always be based on a relationship between a mature, benevolent, loving parent who is seeking to lead his child to maturity, to train his child to think in the direction of righteousness and to train his behavior little by little.

The mature parent should consider the state of the child, his emotional needs, physical needs before meting out harsh discipline.

Formulas like "First Time Obedience" do not necessarily reach the heart!

I was speaking at a conference once and the speaker before me was plying the audience with all sorts of guilt. This speaker said, "If you don't require first time obedience every time from your children, then you are disobeying God and you will be responsible for losing your child's heart and tempting him to rebel against God!" Many men in the audience cheered loudly and clapped. I could just see the harshness that would follow in their homes because a speaker had given them permission to be harsh and demanding, every time with children, without ever teaching these parents sympathy, wisdom, skill and understanding with their children, their ages, their paths of life.

But Really? Can you cite me verse and give context that says God always requires first time obedience without mercy? I am thankful that He is much more patient with me than that in my own life. I have made so many mistakes over the years and done such foolish things, and still He is there loving me, instructing me, showing me his compassion and gently leading me daily to better understand His holy and righteous standard for me.

I have seen no Biblical evidence that this is a true "rule." Of course I believe in training our children to obedience and to teach them to have the highest of standards, and often it meant training them to learn to obey us as we requested something of them, by training them to obey quickly.

But I believe the reason Deuteronomy 6-8 talks about us speaking to our children morning, noon, night and presenting truth and the gospel to our children every moment of the day, is that training is to be a whole-life passing on of values and obedience and wisdom, a morning, noon and night---let's live together in fellowship and relationship and you will see that I have your best in mind and I will teach and train you how to be mature, wise and excellent.

It is a process of love, consistency, patience, and repeating over and over and over and it takes many years for a child to become mature. Maturity and integrity are also issues of the heart and motivation that comes from responding to the teaching and instruction given in love and mutual respect.

Ignorance produces harshness

The unfortunate thing is that many parents, in the name of faithful discipline, do not understand the differences between babies or toddlers or young children or even teens with all of their hormones,  and they exhibit  anger and harshness toward  their children, act in a demeaning way, while neglecting the cues of the child at each stage. These parents  have no perspective for the children themselves--they use  a  rule and formula no matter what--and often wonder why their children to not respond to them.

But, this kind of one rule discipline neglects the child's basic well being. If children are exhausted or overstimulated by television or other children, they are naturally more hostile or out of control. A wise parent will tend to his child's need for rest, quiet, rhythm, balanced blood sugars and understand hormones or emotions, and personality. Often I see children disciplined for things the parent has neglected--their physical and emotional needs---when the child's behavior is often a direct message to the parent of a basic need that has been neglected.

I believe that Biblical discipline must take a long time to secure the heart--many years of constant loving training and instruction. We had very high standards for our children, but our discipline was always viewed through a lens of relationship as the strong basis of our discipleship of our children. Without a close relationship, discipline is quite unproductive.

I am also convinced that a parent must live by faith, trust in God, wisdom, and patience. I spent many hours on my knees praying, seeking God, learning new ways of His parenting with me as I parented my children. It was a process of growing in wisdom. My children are all very different in personality and ability, and yet, by God's grace, all have come to love us and do deeply love the Lord. But we had to raise each of them up in love, by faith and treat them according to their own personality bent. And the basis of our home was God's unconditional love and grace.

Lack of Basic Knowledge

I have also observed often, lately, precious moms who do not even know how to treat little ones. I was walking down the hallway of a hotel several months ago and a sweet, young, exhausted mom was exasperated and shaking her 4 month old baby, saying, "Go to sleep, go to sleep!" At which point the exhausted baby cried louder and louder.

I offered to hold the baby for a few minutes and to give the mom a break. She quickly gave the baby to me. I held the baby tightly in my arms and held it against my cheek and gently rubbed its head while singing softly into his little ear, and swaying gently back and forth. Immediately the little one relaxed its stiff body and listened to my voice and within 5 minutes was soundly asleep.

She just had not been taught how to be gentle, affectionate, or personal. It scared me a little to think of the future of this little child.

I also observed that my very introverted, creative child took longer, even as a baby to focus on me. I learned to work with his personality and to get on his eye level, gently get his attention and clearly state what my expectations were. He was happy to comply, but he did not always hear me the  first time. (He now my absent-minded professor who composes music and still has a great heart to obey and to please me.)

My third son, I eventually learned, was adhd, and ocd and a few other letters. But being harsh never, never made his more mature or able to change his behavior. I learned that the more I poured into his life--affection, time, listening, talking, the more able he was to obey. I learned that if I was patient and gentle and helped him--holding his hand, using words of encouragement, gentleness, I could lead him in obedience.

My husband, Clay, wrote an excellent book, called Heartfelt Discipline and many have said that it changed their lives. It will be back in print next summer.

When babies are touched and loved and sung to and talked to and have regular routines and regular, healthy diets, they are much more happy all the time and responsive to instruction. However, when a child has not received these basic needs, the only means of a child letting his parents know he is not happy or comfortable with his life is to whine or cry. When I am around generally healthy children whose needs have been met, it is obvious because they seem more content with life. All children are immature and will misbehave, and pages and pages could be written about the subject, but these are just a few of my thoughts.

My last thoughts on this today and then I must run to my day. Jesus'  life is my example. There was a lost world because His children rebelled against Him--no first time obedience. But His love and compassion was so much a part of His character and being, He was compelled to come to save us. He fellowshipped with His disciples, loved them, listened to them, confronted them, corrected them, fed them, taught them, and laid down His life for them. Because of their relationship with Him, and their love for them, they were willing to lay down their life for Him and His kingdom.

His love compelled them--it was a long-term process, this one of securing their obedience and hearts, but their hearts wanted to please Him and obey Him because of what He had meant to them. And so I did write Ministry of Motherhood, reflections on Jesus' method to secure the hearts of His twelve. It has been a study over many years. And today, from my quiet time, I am again humbled and blessed by His active, redeeming, sacrificial love that redeemed me.

His model to me as a parent, "Greater love has no one than this, that He lay down His life for his friend."

** used blog 9/3/2020 The Servant Leadership of Jesus

Nicolaes Maes

Now before the Feast of the Passover, Jesus knowing that His hour had come that He would depart out of this world to the Father, having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end. During supper, the devil having already put into the heart of Judas Iscariot, the son of Simon, to betray Him, Jesus,knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come forth from God and was going back to God, got up from supper, and laid aside His garments; and taking a towel, He girded Himself.

Then He poured water into the basin, and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded." ~John 13:1-5

Though it was a holiday and a break from work for many, plenty of mamas around the United States spent yesterday much like any other--cooking meals, cleaning up messes, wiping faces, washing laundry. Sometimes it seems a holiday only guarantees there will be more work when the party is over! And yet what a gift it is, every time we are given the opportunity to have a few extra hours to gather with friends and relax with family.

In order for anyone to enjoy life at all, someone has to do some work! How could we enjoy a fun picnic if no one packed it? And lets' not imagine the way our children's bedrooms would look were all the moms to cease their labor!

I am grateful for the example of Jesus, who shows us over and over again as we read of the way He interacted with His disciples that these little things ... these unending, sometimes tiresome tasks moms face day after day ... they can become holy actions as we offer them to Him. Every time we serve our children, we invest in them, building bridges from our hearts to theirs, helping their souls understand the love and grace of God.

"Jesus spent His last night on earth with His disciples in service to them. How powerful their memories of that night must have been--the King of the whole universe touching and rubbing their dusty feet and gently drying them with a towel. Their Lord and Master breaking the loaf of bread and serving each of them for the celebrated feast of the Passover.

Jesus' example of servant leadership sets Him apart from so many historical religious leaders. He was not a God who lorded it over His followers and demanded they follow Him or coerced their obedience through authoritarianism and fear. Instead, He called them to the excellence of holiness and yet lovingly served them in order to win their hearts and show them the means of reaching others' hearts as well.

As I look to the hearts of my own children, even as adults, and seek to teach them about the grace of God, I realize my love and service to them must come before any of my great words, my teaching and training. My time--staying up late at night for conversations, watching movies and discussing them, my attention, my "soft-tickling", laying in bed with my sweet ones, listening to their hearts when I would rather be in bed--even when I am tired or have other "important" things on my mind--is what builds our relationship and prepares them to listen to what I have to say. Only then, once the wells of their need are filled with the grace of being loved, will my words to them about God's grace finally make sense."                               ~ from The Ministry of Motherhood

I want my children to understand God's goodness and love. And while demonstrating patience and service to them isn't always easy, it is always my privilege.

Even on a holiday!

How about you? What kind of weekend did you have? 

Sarah brought a little bit of Scotland home with her to me......

As I continue to live through redoing my kitchen, replacing our deck, moving Joel to Denver, continuing working on aspects of our new book, Desperate, having Nathan home, and skyping Joy, I still seek the "Sabbath Rest" in the midst of such a busy life. I am so very blessed and finding peace, quiet and wisdom as I take more baby steps to reclaim it here and there. 

And so, having my daughter, Sarah, freshly back from a research trip for a book in Scotland, Sarah brought home with her new ideals about securing and holding fast to a quiet-heart life. And so I give you this beautiful pondering of her heart as she waited for her home-coming plane in Heathrow airport in London yesterday. Here is my Sarah with her writing that is like soft music, a comfort to the depths of my soul.

My Skye

Posted by Sarah on Sep 1, 2012

I write this from a seat in the waiting area of Heathrow Airport. My flight is delayed. I find it best to take these things sitting down, with a cup of coffee, and some means of writing. Pret-A-Manget supplied a cappuccino, my faithful little laptop the means to write, and here I am with you until my gate finally opens.

The post that I’m burning to write is the one (or three) I have all ablaze in my mind about my days on the Isle of Skye. But I pause as I begin, struck by the vast differences between the utterly remote reaches of Skye, and the place in which I find myself at present. Here, countless faces bob round me in a waiting room, accents and loudly-spoken annoyances swirl and ebb, the flight screens blink their constant departures. I’m solidly back in the indoor realm of modern day travel, with its swift flow of talk and time. You might think that in here, my two short days in the wildlands of Skye would seem almost not to have occurred. Or at very least, rather irrelevant.

But au contraire. Right here, right in this skinny airport seat of navy vinyl, with pop music thrumming in the shop nearby, I can still taste Skye. Breath its calm. Get a bit giddy at thought of the walk down to the shore. For Skye, my friends, is now a place of its own at center of my heart.

Once in a long, rare while, I encounter a place, and a time within that place, whose splendor carves out a presence within me. It makes a room in my soul that is both memory and at the same time, a concentrated presence. Places such as these – a nook in the heart of the mountains, a strip of certain shore by a northern sea, or even a well-known, weathered old home- come to me with a physical presence so vivid I am able to know it as I would a friend.

In Skye, I found that friendship. And I think a great part of it was the rightness of it all, the way the lines and colors of the sea and moors feel almost unspoilt by sin. The way the hills lift their shoulders and closed-eye faces in such unflinching solemnity, while the sea is a sprite around them, restless, merry, and never the same mood twice. The quiet of the air is perfect. The wind is an ever-changing chorus of song. The beauty requires so very much seeing, such a focus of eye and mind that time suddenly expands. It’s almost like slipping out of chronos for a day or two’s sojourn in a long-houred world of tea in the mornings and long, long walks throughout the day, and the wind wuthering (isn’t that a lovely word?) around the eaves.

I stayed in a room with one window gazing down to the sea, and one up the long fields to the row of farmer’s homes. And that room was in the home a woman who went quite swiftly from hostess to friend. Her home and grace and friendship were the foundation of my time. Just look at that tea and shortbread for greeting.

for the end of this lovely article, go to: thoroughlyalive.com

Now, I am dreaming of a trip to the Isle of Sky---anyone else?

IF you give me a mere 45 minutes alone, I get inspired!

"Above all, guard your heart, for from it flow the springs of life!" Proverbs

One of the reasons I am pulling back from the blog and otherwise most of my social media is because I just cannot give up the time with my family, talks with the kids, meals, my local discipleship group and my dear inner circle friends and then keeping my life together with healthy, home-cooked meals, walking for my health, reading at least a tiny bit for my brain and then there is a whole tangle and whirlwind of ministry responsibilities.

But last week, I had 45 minutes to breathe--to myself--that had no other commitment on it--and low and behold, the inspired juices started to flow again. The Lord began to fill my heart with all sorts of inspiration, ideas, faith, beauty, .....!!!!!!

It reminded me that I have not lost myself--the Lord and me are still there--but I have to provide time, sabbath rest time, to be able to have the God-energy--given by Him, vision spoken quietly and bubbling over into my heart--in order to thrive.

No matter what, heart integrity is so important to fight for--because that is what the life flows out of and the messages of our mouths come from what is within.

So, I am excited about messages ahead and life ahead--but I am finding them in my solitude, one 45 minutes at a time. And I am committed to stay in the circle of His heart and His voice and His will and I know that with Him, I always come out inspired and at peace.

Have a great weekend! and be blessed!

Developing Honor for Others in Our Children

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor ..." Romans 12:11

One of the most important parts of training my children has been training them how to relate well to others. While we all develop lists of hundreds of friends on Facebook and enjoy watching our Twitter followers grow, it seems to me that we have fewer and fewer real relationships of any lasting value. Part of the problem is that we've lost the concept of honor. When all is said and done, most relational problems boil down to this, don't they?  When we're focused on our own desires, ambitions and needs, we tend to offend and hurt people--often unintentionally.

If we want our children to have healthy, happy relationships both now and in the future, we can give them a wonderful boost in that direction by training them to consider other's needs before their own. "Give preference to one another" means just that--to consider others before and more often than we focus on ourselves. If you've spent any time with a toddler, you know that doesn't come naturally! Selfishness comes as a big part of our sin nature. And developing a preference for serving others takes much time and training on the part of parents, if it's ever to become part of the warp and woof of a child's daily life.

"In building relationships with our children, we need to consciously train them in the skills and attitudes that will enable them to sustain positive relationships. A person can only experience true intimacy when his heart has been deepened and exercised in real love and commitment. Consequently, an important part of deeply loving our children is training them to deeply love themselves and others. We train them by helping them to confront their own sin and selfishness and to replace these attitudes with patient and generous love. This provides them with something to give in a meaningful relationship and seals their ability to be the best they can be.

Relational training involves teaching our children the value of honor--giving worth to another person out of the dignity of our own heart. It often involves learning to reach out to others in practical, thoughtful ways and teaching them to be good friends. I have often said to my children, 'It is natural to be selfish, but it is supernatural to be kind and loving. It is only when we allow the Lord Jesus to speak with our words and use our hands and our voice to give His love that we can really know how to be close to others.'

This kind of relational training fits naturally into the course of a day. 'Sarah, let's surprise the boys with some cookies and hot chocolate!' As we mix the batter and talk about how much I appreciate her help, Sarah learns how to give away her love. The result (over many sessions of cookie baking) is increased maturity in her own ability to relate to others." ~from The Mission of Motherhood

What could you do with your children today to help them develop and display honor for someone?

**used- blog Awaking Wonder Launch 8/2020 Casting a vision in the heart of your child

Joel, sharing his music and message at a Mom Heart Conference

My cell phone rang three separate times in 5 minutes while I was driving home on a crowded freeway from grocery shopping. Finally, when I got home, I checked and it was Joy. Just as I was about to call her back, the phone rang in my hand.

"Mom, I am just so excited, I can't wait to tell you. I decided to go meet with an academic counselor today to check about all of the classes I had signed up for, and the debate coach happened to be my academic counselor. He helped me arrange all of my classes, he counseled me so that I can finish in three years, I will be able to be on the speech and debate team and learn new skills for communication, and now I have a purpose ahead and a life to conquer. My goal is  to become the best possible speaker and debater and teacher.  I am starting a Bible study for the girls on my floor. I am so excited about my life and what God is going to teach me!"

A drive for purpose and a desire to impact others for the kingdom of God does not come out of a vacuum. It comes from seeing deep inside of your children's hearts and drawing out the greatness that God has built there and giving them a dream for how God will use them in the world. Children, in spite of their bundle of immaturities, strengths, weaknesses and personalities are exactly what God crafted them to be to fulfill their purpose in His world.

From the time our children were wee ones, we gave each of them a part at our conferences. We said, "God has made all of us stewards of His messages of love, redemption, and His hope and life because He has entrusted us with this light that the dark world needs. What would you like to share with all the moms that might encourage them this year?"

Our two introverted children had to share as well as our two extraverted. As we knew all of us are to be stewards of the gospel, we raised them to be comfortable with knowing that they had a message that would turn their world upside down. We started with sharing our ideas and encouragement in our living room with 10 people in attendance. By faith, we kept writing and speaking and our children grew with ministry as we did. But their self image was one of, "I have something to give. My personality is a gift from God to use for His glory. I have an arena in which to bring His light that no one else on earth will ever have."

Serving meals, visiting sick, giving money, exercising hospitality and making thousands of meals for people in our home, praying, hosting Bible studies over and over and over again over the years was the oxygen of the life my children breathed. Their dreams flowed out of a life of giving and obedience that God had called Clay and me to follow.

But, we need to understand that vision of the heart is what empowers all of us, as God's children, to follow Him in faith and purpose in becoming fishermen in the world--it flows from inspiration--not from moralistic rules or laws to be kept.

If you as an adult cultivate a heart and excitement about how God might use you to reach His world, it will be catching to your children. Jesus modeled it to His disciples, as he taught them and loved them, and so they followed in His footsteps.

It is a natural extension of life--and so it becomes an exciting expression of vision as our children go into their own spheres of influence. They have heard it, breathed it, experienced it and then live it themselves.

Read more about my thoughts on this today at: thebettermom.com

**used blog 7/30/2020 Learning through Mistakes--and Mentors!

"Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day, with no mistakes in it yet?" ~Anne Shirley in Anne of Green Gables by Lucy Maud Montgomery

It is more than a comfort to know that each day offers the promise of a tomorrow--a new day, with no mistakes in it, yet.

The yet, perhaps, is the important word in that sentence! Because mistakes will surely be made. I will speak too sharply to someone, and I'll gossip or criticize someone and then feel guilty, I will break a commitment I have made to myself one more time. Perhaps I'll forget to return a phone call or water a plant that dies--and know that I wasted my money and failed one more time. The possibilities of ways to make big mistakes and small are endless. In the past, those sorts of things weighed heavy on my heart. Why couldn't I just get everything accomplished, as everyone else seemed to do? Why was I still impatient and unorganized sometimes?

Sometimes it is assumed that anyone who speaks or writes or works to inspire other moms has "arrived" to some extent. There can be an illusion that at my house, everything is perfect, no one is ever cross, and there's no effort necessary to keep things running smoothly. This, I can assure you, is not the case!

"I do not consider myself to be a perfect mother. My aspirations and what I can idealize oftentimes far exceed my ability to live up to them in reality. Yet it is in being able to visualize the dreams of my heart and beauty of God's design that I have found a standard of maturity to move toward.

As I reflect on my own life, I feel that I have learned so much--the hard way, by making many mistakes. Many moments of stress and struggle could have been handled so much more easily if I had had a wiser, older woman to shed light on my stages of life. It was through writers like Edith Schaeffer that I was encouraged and helped along my way. My hope is that in some way, I might be able to provide that same encouragement and inspiration."~ from The Mission of Motherhood

Mistakes will be made, and our ideals are not always realized- and others disappoint while we disappoint ourselves. But the most wonderful truth that I pray will go deep into my own heart and to yours, is that the love of God is steadfast--it never changes, it remains strong, it's loyalty does not change.

Take this deeply into your brain and into your heart--The steadfast love of the Lord never, ever ceases and His mercies never come to and end. Every morning they are there waiting for you to bathe yourself in once again.

--And best of all, the truth that I can always begin again! Every day a clean slate, a new beginning, a fresh history. 

Today, you are new and fresh--walk in the newness and reality of a clean slate and live into His everlasting love.

Aim high, sweet mama. And when mistakes come, know they are covered by the One who holds all in His hands, and whose mercies are "new every morning!"

Memorize this verse and sing it to yourself every day:

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."

~Lamentations 3:22-23

**used blog 9/3/2020 For When You're Feeling Worn Out

Some call it burn out. Some call it age. Some just think it is inevitable with too much activity and boredom. (van gogh--image)

There have been several seasons in my life where I've felt it. Creeping tiredness that seems to seep into my very bones. Weariness as I hear another story of a wife betrayed, a child left to his own devices and gone astray, a pastor abandoning his flock. Discouragement over a long to-do list that looks just like the one I almost finished yesterday.

I can find my self-talk sounding a tad like Eeyore. Busy day with people everywhere?

"Everybody crowds around so in this Forest. There’s no Space. I never saw a more spreading lot of animals in my life, and in all the wrong places.”

And then when things quiet down and I'm left alone?

One can't complain. I have my friends. Somebody spoke to me only yesterday. And was it last week or the week before that Rabbit bumped into me and said 'Bother!' The Social Round. Always something going on."

said Eyore!

And then I realize perhaps I've drifted a bit. When the pressures of life are great and negatives loom large they sometimes take up more room in my vision than they should. A re-adjustment is in order. I must get back to my first love.

"When I first fell in love with the Lord, I was so much happier. I was willing to read my Bible for hours, hungering for understanding and truth, discussing into the wee hours of night with my college friends the wonderful truths I had never heard before. Praying fervently and eagerly awaiting miracles was the call of my heart. Enthusiastically I would foray into the lives of strangers, eager to tell them about His redemption and grace. Fellowship with other believers was sweet and intimate. My whole life was genuinely wrapped up in God, not in a religious ritual but in an excited, passionate, graceful, purposeful way.

That was the place I had left, the place from where I had fallen. Since then, mundane duty had propelled me forward through the many corridors of my life. Yes, I'd enjoyed occasional waves of excitement and a heart choosing to love him. It is the commitment of my heart. But more often I'd been just putting one foot in front of the other. I wished for the reality of God to be true, but sometimes I had difficulty believing it or grasping Him. I was living in obedience and cultivating faithful character, but often I would feel no emotion. I would drag through some of the days and give the party lines that people had come to expect from me, but I definitely was not dancing and celebrating. Now I realized I wanted so much more than a spiritual theology or a philosophy; I wanted a real, living, intimate relationship with the One I originally had learned to cherish the most.

When entering the corridors of heaven, finally meeting Jesus face to face, I do not want to arrive gasping, out of breath, desperate, barely making it over the finish line. Instead I want to enter resiliently with a hopeful, loving heart. If joy, satisfaction, and fulfillment are what God desires for me, then God created me with those capacities so that He could fill them. God disdains dry, mundane obedience as much as I do! He wants true, pure-of-heart, devoted love--to be shared in a personal, vibrant relationship. The very One who created the wild, lively winds, the intense beauty of storms, waterfalls, sunsets, and music of nature is the One who wants me to love and enjoy Him amidst the dance of my life." ~from Dancing with My Father

And that's what He wants for your life, too! Let's return to our first love and dance, shall we?

Salad Art --adding health and beauty to your meals

Being surrounded by several great cooks who also happen to be my close friends, is a real gift. I love salads and we try to have one at each dinner meal. By making this a Clarkson tradition over the years, eventually all of my children ended up loving salads and will eat vegetables. I did not give my children choices--either they ate what we ate or they did not get much to eat for dinner. It wasn't a pressuring sort of thing--it just was what it was.

When my children were younger, they did not have as sophisticated of a taste--onions and peppers were not their favorite, but I just cut them into smaller pieces (as well as carrots!) and served them what we ate. If they left some of the bigger veggies on their plate (peppers, etc.) I did not bother with it as I learned that children's palots mature with age and the savory becomes something they like. Even Greek salad was a favorite of my boys and they both eat salads now.

It is an easy way to get your 5 fruit and vegetables in as well as just to provide health with daily greens. I found over the years, from the time my children were quite small, that if I made things interesting or beautiful or fun, they were much more likely to develop an appetite for those things.

My friend, Shelley, is masterful at this. This beautiful centerpiece is just a simple salad made pretty. And of course our challenge is to have the kids have at least one veggie of each kind when they make a scoop. We all marveled and ooohhed and ahahahed at this before we dived in. You can use other veggies and fruit (like cranberries or blueberries) to add some extra tangy flavor--for me the more the merrier.

So, tonight, look at your recipes in a differently and see if the presentation can make the very same recipe a little bit more artistic. What are some of your family's favorite recipes? We might pursue some great fall recipes, soon!

Summer is Almost Over ... Find a Happy Place!

With only a few empty boxes left on August's page in the calendar, school buses once again taking to the streets, and newly launched young adults off to college, it appears summer is truly almost over. Today, I catch a plane with Joy and Clay to take her to a new part of her life journey in California. My heart will be quite empty but also full with thousands of moments we took time to share.

As I finish off these last few days with Joy, I am garnering memories to visit that gave me pleasure in our years together, walking together the paths of her life. One cherished one was especially designed by God with me, my two princesses in a moment captured in time, together shoulder to shoulder to shoulder, skin to skin........

Several years ago the girls and I were blessed to be able to take a little getaway to Prince Edward Island. We'd had a lovely first day of exploring and a wonderful dinner, and decided to head to the beach to enjoy the last few hours of the day...

"We scrambled up the last few slippery steps of the sandy slope and turned our eyes to the ocean just in time to witness one of the most spectacular sunsets I have ever seen. The sky was awash in a rainbow of rich rose light with swaths of purple and blue running all through it, and the sunlight was turning the edges of the sky gold. The colors of the sun were perfectly mirrored in the water and seemed to sparkle and frolic as the waves playfully licked the shore, seemingly dancing to the spectacular music of creation. It was the sort of sight you dream of, and we three sat shoulder to shoulder in an awed silence, simply soaking in the magnificent beauty.

I wondered in my heart at the way God, the great artist, had chosen to clothe the ending of this day. The vastness of His beauty was so powerfully displayed in the power and grace of His sky. Just looking filled us with awe. It was mind-boggling to realize that God was so full of beauty, so brimful of life and goodness, that He would faithfully paint this quiet northern sky for His own good pleasure, whether or not anyone admired the work of His hands.

As I sat and wondered, a verse I had read just the other day came to mind: "The Mighty One, God, the Lord, has spoken, and summoned the earth from the rising of the sun to its setting. Out of Zion, the perfection of beauty, God has shown forth." Psalm 50:1-2 ~ from The Mom Walk

God is still full of beauty, and He is still painting beautiful skies! Can I encourage you to take some time in these last few days of summer to hunt down some of His beauty for yourself? Only don't do it alone--today is the day to collect the treasure chest of memories made in the normal moments of life that you will visit long after your precious ones are gone. Enjoy it together and point out the wonder of our Creator, who loves to draw us close and display His glory for all to see.