Depending Upon the Holy Spirit

"I don't know how other people make it, Mom--I mean, people who aren't Christians. Every day, the Holy Spirit gives me just enough grace and light to make it through this day's struggles--just enough to give me hope and strength for this day as I need it. And I sure need it! It's all making so much sense to me," Sarah continued. "If a person tries to be good and live the Christian life on her own strength, she will run out of steam and crash. It can't be done in our own strength. I'm so thankful that I know the grace and forgiveness and freedom of trusting in the Holy Spirit to help me through each day."

In John 15:1-6, Jesus painted a vivid word picture of what it meant for the disciples to have their lives in Him--to be filled with His strength and power through the Holy Spirit. He said, "I am the Vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing" (John 15:5). That's an eternal truth I must take to heart if I want to give our children the gift of faith.

To me as a parent, this "vine" reality has two implications. First, I must do what I can to stay connected to Jesus at all costs. Only when He lives through me will I have the patience, love, faith, strength, perspective, and understanding I need to raise godly, faithful children.

But the other side of this truth is that eventually my children must attach themselves to the Vine, not to me. Only the Lord can draw our children to himself. Only He can give salvation to our children. And only He can convict them of their sins. I can and must love my children, nurture them, comfort them, teach them. I can and must model for them what life as a "branch" looks like, and show them ways to stay "attached" through prayer, Bible reading, fellowship with other believers, and so on. But I cannot be their "vine," and I cannot play the role of the Holy Spirit in their lives."

~from The Ministry of Motherhood, chapter 12

Ahhhh, how much easier it seems it would be, if I *could* be their vine! If only everything depended upon me, and I could guarantee success or a connection to the Lord for my children through my own devotion.

Then again ... how silly to think that way! Surely I don't really want to bear that burden, and God never intended me to.

Faithfulness. Faithfulness is what is called for in mothers, and even that comes through our dependence upon the Holy Spirit. Jesus talking about the coming Comforter--at least nine times in these chapters--so powerfully before His death assures me that He is necessary and that I must not forget that through Him the promise is fulfilled that I am never without guidance, never without comfort, never without help.

"I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may be with you forever, that is the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it does not see Him or know Him, but you know Him because He abides with you and will be in you."~ John 14:16-17

Take comfort, mama ... it is impossible for you to be alone.

Happy Happy Love Day to you and yours! (Easy Valentine's cookies!)

Yummer Wummer! :)

"The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread."~Mother Teresa

And that love-hunger is built right into the DNA of your little ones--and you!

We all crave to be loved, cherished, known, close, held, affirmed.

Everyone longs for love, is pre-wired to need love, yearns to be known and still loved.

The only one-word definition in scripture about God is this: God is love.

Jesus tells us in His last prayer, the high priestly prayer, that God has loved Him since the foundation of the world.

As we can see through the Father sending His son to save us, and through Jesus' example of laying down His life, true love initiates!

Because we celebrate Valentine's Day, it gives us the perfect opportunity, a marker to remember every year, to be sure we intentionally invest in loving those near us.

Take time this Valentine's day (or week!) to send love emails, love phone calls, to leave love cards under pillows, to fill someone's cup of their heart with love that they so need to receive. You will be God's hands, his voice, His touch today when you seek to give love.

Make a list of everyone you know who might really want to know you love them or who could be filled up by hearing words of love, receiving thoughtful gifts of love, touches of love, forgiveness of love. Valentine's Day is a perfect Day to throw out the score of wrong doings and to cover all in the unconditional love He died to give.

And of course, baked goods are one of the traditional ways we celebrate this little fun holiday. I have to admit that I love many kinds of cookies, but sugar is one of my all time favorites since childhood.

Here's a simple recipe for shortbread cookies you can also make to give to someone with your love cards!

Easy Shortbread Cookies

Ingredients:

1 1/2 cups of flour (measure exactly or your cookie dough will be too dry)

1 stick  (1/2 cup) butter, softened

1/4 cup powder sugar

1/2 teaspoon almond extract or 1/2 -1 teaspoon of vanilla extract, depending on your preference!

A dash of salt

Optional: If dough is too dry to handle, add tablespoons of half and half, cream, or milk, one at a time--mix well before adding another if needed. Dough will be quite dry and you can shape it with your hands.

Step by Step:

The first thing to do is to combine the flour and salt in a bowl. In a separate bowl or food processor combine the butter, almond extract and sugar. The consistency should be creamy and it should be "whipped up" in appearance. The final stage requires you to gradually add the flour and salt mixture into the creamy mixture. As you add in the dry mixture, make sure you are thoroughly mixing in the ingredients. As the consistency seems to thicken up, use your hands to essentially knead the mixture.

After you have kneaded the dough, place it on a floured surface. The next step requires a rolling pin (or you may use your hand!) Flatten dough out in the shape of a large circle or square. The rolled mixture should be about 1/4 inch thick. Use a cookie cutter in the shape of a heart or a round cookie cutter that you can modify into the shape of a heart by using a spoon or your fingernails to create a bowed-in area at the top.

Sprinkle the cookies with colored sugar before you bake them--press the sugar into the dough so it won't roll off!

Bake at 350 for 12-14 minutes, being careful not to over-bake.

A Happy Valentine's Day to you all--with lots of love memories all day long!

Light a Candle; Don't Curse the Darkness: Battling Depression, Desperate Book Club Chapter 5!

(I am doing this Desperate discussion today, so I can have a Valentine's post for tomorrow. Somehow, "depression" did not seem the right topic for Valentine's Day!)

"It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness."

This quote is the way Joy began her history report about Eleanor Roosevelt. Seems Mrs. Roosevelt had much in life to get down about. Her parents expected a boy when she was born,  making her feel like a disappointment from the very beginning. Her mother told her she was homely, and she died when Eleanor was just eight. Her father was an alcoholic and died just a year later. She married FDR and he was disloyal to her and had an affair off and on throughout her marriage. There were other issues, too, but this amazing women decided that it was up to her to take hold of life and conquer all of her sadness. She left a legacy as one of the most hard-working presidential wives, and began and developed many wonderful community services and organizations that helped many unfortunate people. She was beloved by thousands and of course is still remembered today. Her life has been captivating to Joy. She has talked and talked about her over the past several years. "I really want to be like her, Mom. She could have been a victim, but she chose to rise above her circumstances and do great things." I have to agree with Joy.

Depression and discouragement are rampant in our culture today. Many people are sad and overwhelmed about finances, divorce, immorality, broken relationships, loneliness, illness, contention, and so many other things. We have had quite a bit of disappointment in our lives, but some of it I may never be able to write about out of loyalty and keeping integrity with those close to me. In the midst of a mission trip a few years ago, after having been in four different countries working with so many wonderful leaders and missionaries, I was struck by how many were depressed and disappointed with life. I realized that it would be very easy for most of us to be disillusioned in a fallen world. The issues each person was struggling with in those countries were similar to the ones I so often heard about at home: difficulty in marriage; less-than-perfect children, prodigals, compromised marriages and great disappointment, and the baggage that goes with rebellious teenagers; meager finances, loneliness and all the things I mentioned above. As I sat pondering this on a park bench, I realized that my own life was filled similarly with disappointments, but that I did not want to be sad all my life and I knew God did not want me to be a victim.

I will be writing about this whole issue of depression in a three- part series about Depression and Darkness, so stay tuned for the following articles!

 As I have studied scripture, it is very clear that there is a way to find joy in life and move from the darkness of depression to the light of Christ. He Himself said, "I am the way, the truth and the life." He is the way--not just to God and to redemption, but also the way to live on this path of life. He is with me on the way. Studying His life showed me secrets to follow to maintain my own joy and move toward contentment, and I want to share some of them over the next few days.

Disappointed expectations are at the root of depression. Sometimes we think that something will be one way, then find that thing disappointingly inadequate. We feel hopeless to change it, or to believe that something different or better can ever come. In order to work with our depression, we must put our finger on the sources that have caused the heart anger and frustration and hopelessness in order to be able to mount up over it. There are several specific things that have helped me in this area over the years, and these are what I'd like to share with you.

1. Don't let the nay-sayers get you down. Disappointment in relationships is one of the biggest reasons for depression. Feeling hurt, unloved, unappreciated, or scared by others who should love us but have shown us anger instead--these are major sources of disappointment. There are plenty of people around who are immature and are readily available to criticize, say hurtful things, reject us and argue with us, or let us down. I call these people nay-sayers, or Job's friends, or thorns! The nay-sayers want to disagree with you: your ideals, your spirituality, your personality and so on. Job's friends are those who smugly sit by, feeling free to say hurtful things or offer critical opinions in their Pharisee robes. And many in our lives have emotional scars, are selfish and immature or damaged themselves. Though it is certainly okay to be saddened by people who hurt us, we don't have to take their criticism or hurt to heart and we do not have to let these define us. I have some irrational people in my life who will be, and have been there forever! But even if they become angry or hurtful, again, I don't have to let their words or behavior enter into my soul or allow them to determine how I feel about myself. Sometimes it takes years to heal and to begin learning how to mount up over these relationships. But, slowly, I have learned not to take in someone else's anger, insecurity or immaturity. Jesus told Peter to forgive 'seventy times seven". Bitterness in our hearts only injures us further and steals our time and our joy. I can, instead, trust in the one who will always love me to build me up, to affirm me and to comfort me. Jesus did this: " ... and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously" 1 Peter 2:23.

And so, each time I am hurt or discouraged by one of my "thorns", I have practiced giving it to God and asking Him to hold to hold it for me. I then seek to find my center and live in God's love and affirmation and freedom. I talk to my brain and fill it with God's truth, rejecting those destructive thoughts and hurtful words, and replace them with God's word and His peace. Redeeming the situation by refusing to take the hurt into my heart--or body!--has given me the ability to be healthy in spite of my circumstances.

2. Don't live by guilt. So you blow it once in a while (or perhaps often!) accept God's forgiveness and move on--wallowing in self-condemnation only leads to more depression. You are forgiven--live in His forgiveness and don't rehearse your problems over and over again in your mind. Take your thoughts captive and put them in jail, never to bother you again. Jesus did this, too--He just trusted God. He put the situation in God's hands (I picture it as God's filing cabinet) and then closed the drawer for God to deal with in His time. I have a choice about whether I will be bitter and mean-spirited back to those who hurt me, or to be a peacemaker and just to practice 1 Corinthians 13-- "Love is patient, love is kind," and so on. If it is true that what we sow we will reap, then if we practice love and peace-making and sow seeds of kindness and grace, we will certainly become more kind and gracious and our souls will be filled with satisfaction.

Does this mean that the mean people will go away, or that you'll never again feel guilty? No, there will be sad times ahead, but I don't have to be a victim--or take it in.

FOR DISCUSSION:

1. What are the sources of greatest discouragement and depression in your life?

2. What about motherhood makes you feel stressed and depressed?

3. How can you take responsibility for your own happiness and make plans that will help you find encouragement, pleasure, friendship and fulfill your need to be understood?

4. Is there anything you need to get rid of in your emotional life--bitterness, a broken relationship, pride or anger at God-- in order to move on in life and to become free? What will you do to deal with this issue so you can have a clean slate?

Did you know that God cares so deeply for you? He sees you, and even collects your tears ...

"You have taken account of my wanderings; Put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?" Psalm 56:8

Remember, nothing and no one can separate you from His love. (Romans 8:38-39) I am praying for those who read here today. May you truly know you are not alone or invisible to God. He hears, He loves you and He will lift you up. May you be blessed.

You can learn more about Desperate and purchase it by going HERE!

Today at MomHeart Online: Don't miss Deb Weakly's post on Intimacy in Marriage! 

For When You've Blown It (Again!)

 

A number of years ago, I was sitting in my bedroom and having a wonderful quiet time. The Lord really encouraged me and I felt that I was set for my day--I was feeling spiritual. I walked out of my bedroom into the hallway that went to the kitchen by way of my living room.

There, amongst all of my best "stuff"--my breakables--were my two boys, having a pillow fight with gusto. They hit some button I didn't even know I had. I went ballistic. I started giving them  the lecture of their life and started spewing all over them--they didn't know what was coming--and I am sure that some of it had been stored just waiting to come out. Poor unsuspecting creatures!

And then when it was over, I was as shocked as they were! How could I have just had a quiet time with the Lord and then before sixty seconds having gone by, acting out in ugly frustrated anger! Then, of course, guilt and remorse pointed the ugly finger of inadequacy at me! How can you dare to speak and write books on motherhood? I can't believe you made such a big deal out of nothing! You have probably scarred the boys for life!--and all the other accusing voices that have become so familiar at times.

I have met so many women in the past weeks who carry all sorts of guilt on their shoulders. And many feel they have failed so much there is no return. But God is always the God of second chances.

I was contemplating this on the way home from the airport the other day, that God's glory is revealed in the lives of people who make mistakes and have regrets.

Abraham lied about Sarah being his wife and was going to let her have an affair with a foreign king!

Noah got drunk. Moses killed a man, and later lost his temper *just after* being in the presence of God on the mountain getting the ten commandments-- and then he even threw them on the ground!

David committed adultery and then had his love's husband killed in battle.

Rahab was a harlot. Peter denied Jesus after living with Him as His best friend for three years. Paul was killing the followers of Jesus before he himself was confronted by Him on the road to Damascus.

Paul wrote in Romans 7, "Wretched man that I am. I do the very things I do not wish to do."

This is why living in the grace of God is so very important. Romans 8 tells us a great truth: "There is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus ... Nothing can separate us from the love of God which is in Christ."

"It is by grace you have been saved, and that not of yourself, it is a gift of God." Ephesians 2:8

The older I get and the more I see how prone I am to stumble, the more humble I have had to become and the more dear my salvation and Christ's grace is. I love Him more and more because I better know how fallen I am, and yet He still loves me, works through me, patiently waits for me as I little by little grow up.

If you're tempted to give up on yourself, remember, God never will! He is the God of second chances; He is mindful we are but dust. Let Him pick you up, dust you off, and begin anew. The grace of the Lord be with you!

...

Need some extra encouragement today? Head on over to Sarah Mae's to read about Chapter 4 of Desperate (Oh Right, There's Sin). Want to purchase Desperate? Head here!

Believe in Your Children's Dreams--They Might Just Come True!

Nathan, my Nathan, telling about his dream film at the California mom's conference!

This is a post about one mama(me)  supporting her son's dreams to bring Christ's light to a dark world--in the darkest of dark places--Hollywood!

Isn't that what Mamas do? Support their children's dreams and faith?

Will you please consider helping me bring this dream to life? Read on! Pass it on!

Nathan always wanted to be Superman.

"Some day, when I grow up, I will be superman to my world and help save people."

His whole life, Nathan has had a heart for the lost, to reach those seeking to find their way; for being a warrior to fight against evil. He acted out his stories of bravery from boyhood.

I wondered ... how would Nathan become a superman to his generation--saving and helping rescue them from evil?

So often, we take our children's dreams for granted and forget to believe in just how God might use them in this world to bring light into the darkness. But God put it on my heart to believe and to encourage and to support his impossible dreams, with fear, trembling, and lots of time on my knees.

Now, at 23, holding fast his faith in a very difficult world, he is seeing God open some amazing doors.

And,  just now I am amazed at what God is doing in the life of my wonderful son, Nathan.

Who ever dreams of having her son move to Hollywood to become an actor? Well, God didn't tell me where He would take and use my children, just that I was to disciple them and raise them for His glory.  After graduating from the New York Film Academy, and living in Harlem (more on that story tomorrow!) Nathan moved to Hollywood with the dream of breaking into the film industry to bring light into darkness. All of this, Clay and I allowed because Nate had been faithful and strong again and again as he walked into bigger arenas of faith.

I have literally spent hours and hours on my knees praying for him--for him to keep his faith and follow God, to find a church, good and godly friends, and for him to make enough money to live there and make ends meet.

One of his photo shoots for his resume. He eventually was in enough movies, commercials and projects to get his SAG card and membership into AFTRA, the acting unions (including the recent MacDonald's Superbowl commercial!)

Of course it was so hard for him to live there--and there were so many roles that he had to turn down because they were immoral or compromising. And so as Nathan sought to retain his faith in the midst of very little money, so I worried and prayed and worried and prayed and kept telling God what I thought He should do.

"Please, Lord, just give him one job that will help him be stable for a while, so he won't be discouraged!"

But one thing I have learned is that it isn't just me who loves my children, it is God. And God's  plans were much better than mine! As Nathan was praying one day, he was overcome with an idea. "If I can't get the roles that are acceptable, I will write a screenplay and produce a movie myself that might encourage and inspire families all over the world, and which might even bring some prodigals home."

And so he began to write a screenplay, a contemporary retelling of the prodigal son--as he has seen so many kids in Hollywood who have been prodigals.

It was edited, and many people started getting behind the project and loved it. And so a trailer was made. Professionals volunteered their time-- camera men, actors, all sorts of people came around Nate to produce this trailer made in only one day.

If 100 people gave 10-$50 dollars, He would be able to make the film! 

His dream is to make a simple movie with a message that will change hearts. Maybe it will even restore some families to each other and bring some prodigals home.  And that will hopefully lead to other films and more influence as God works and opens impossible doors.

God provided  Nate an opportunity to be one of the lead marketers for Dolphin Tale, which so many of you supported. This whole experience was a foundation laid so he would have the imagination that he himself could work to produce such a movie. And now he has developed more friends  and experienced actors, who are interested in seeing more moral and family-friendly movies come to life.

DONATE TO KICK STARTER--Get a great movie theme into theaters, and help this become a reality!

 Nathan needs our help--mine and yours. It is common for artists to raise foundational money to get the basic funding for a project that people support and stand behind. 

 KICK STARTER was organized a few years ago as a way that people could support projects (music and movies, etc.) that would not be possible for the artists or writers to produce without the support of the public. This particular movie, with a very low budget and many helping Nate voluntarily, will hopefully be produced for around $10,000. But it takes several hundred people to give $10-$100 to make this film possible. Of course, someone can just send in a $10,000 check, if they have one lying around! :)

You can find all the information about this project at: Kick Starter: Confessions of a Prodigal Son and watch as others add their support to make this film a reality.

So many of you have been writing me letters asking about this project and have even begun to support it.  If he makes his pledges in 50 days, then the film will become a possibility and you will have the opportunity to see it come out in the next year. No one's card will be charged unless he meets his total goal. 

If you would like to become a small part of seeing a Christian-themed movie come about, it would just be wonderful if you would sign up to help this project get off the ground.

It is so exciting to see Nathan and a number of other young, passionate Christian actors and writers dreaming of how to bring light to media and movies and music.

Here is what Nathan wrote on his blog:

Confessions of a Prodigal Son – The MOVIE (needs you)

February 7, 2013 

After living in a world of prodigals and feeling the pull to become one my self, I decided to use my gift, love and passion for story to tell the story of the Prodigal Son… To remind a world living in darkness there is a light we can return to. I wrote a full length feature film as a moden-retelling of the Prodigal Son. Above is the short trailer I directed with the help of amazing volunteers to show just a glimpse of what this film could and will be.Right now I am in the process of raising enough funds to see this story come to life.

I am asking you to help, because I believe that this is a story that Jesus used to show people the powerful vision of his redemptive power.

I believe if and when this movie comes out, it will be a light in the darkness and a call to all of us who long for redemption and a home back to the one who made us.

If you want to join a movement that is going to make a story that needs to be told come to life please visit the website http://www.ConfessionsOfAProdigalSon.com and see the amazing prizes and gifts you get for being a part of this project!

Thank you so much for your support, prayers and help.

Please feel free to contact me with any questions you might have.

-Nathan John Clarkson (click on the picture below to find out more about Nathan!) 

Dare to dream in your children's dreams and they may just be used by God to change their world.

Will you share Nathan's dream of this film with your friends?

And thanks so much ahead of time for all of you who have encouraged Nathan and me in this process of faith.

************************************************************************************************

FAQ

Kickstarter Basics: Kickstarter 101

What's Kickstarter?

Kickstarter is a funding platform for creative projects. Everything from films, games, and music to art, design, and technology. Kickstarter is full of ambitious, innovative, and imaginative projects that are brought to life through the direct support of others. Since our launch on April 28, 2009, over $450 million has been pledged by more than 3 million people, funding more than 35,000 creative projects. 

for more go here

Don't listen to the Critics, including your children!

Joy Forney's darling twin boys

You can please some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not please all of the people all of the time.

(My own paraphrase of Abraham Lincoln's quote!)

No matter how hard you try or how nice you are, you will not ever be able to please everyone all of the time.

I seem to alternate between these two boy's faces. I am pleasing to some and very offensive or displeasing to others' sensibilities.

Motherhood is no different.

Motherhood is an never-ending sacrifice of your time, your effort, your faith, your body, yourself. And yet, we are working uphill against sinful little creatures who insist on making messes every day and who are not always pleased with the broccoli we serve them (for their own good, I must remind you!) And these little ones (and the big ones, too) do not always like it when you push against their little selfish wills and so they have various ways of pushing back.

During the toddler years, they fall on the floor and throw a fit because you didn't let them eat that candy they wanted. Or they whine or complain.

In the teen years, they question your wisdom and integrity and know just where to put in the knife. (After all, none of us have been perfect and we all have flaws ... and our children tend to discover them during the teen years.)

If you listen too much to these voices, you will become discouraged and want to give up.

The secret to not falling under the weight of the critics is to not give them power over you.

I have always told my children, "Don't believe your good press, and don't believe your bad press."

If I had allowed myself to be discouraged at my failures or vulnerability, I would have given up a long time ago.

What do I mean by that? If you are performing for someone other than God, you are bound to be disappoint them eventually--and they will eventually disappoint you.

There are always Job's friends in the crowd--those people who are quite sure they know why your life is not going well and what you have done wrong to make your life such a mess.

Job's friends were quite wrong! Job was being persecuted by Satan because Satan didn't believe someone could be loyal to God and believe in His goodness if he was persecuted.

And so God had actually chosen Job as a model of integrity and faith, because he was so righteous. Job's friends could not have been more wrong in their statements about his demise.

Learning the Hard Way 

After my first sizeable Mom's conference, where we hosted 650 women, we took surveys of how people liked the conference and got over 600 positive responses and wonderful comments telling us how many women were greatly encouraged.

However, one woman left this comment: "I think you could improve on the luncheon. The rice was too spicy."

So, I did not remember the many wonderful comments. Instead, I remembered the "spicy rice" comment and felt as though somehow we had failed to do a good job on the conference. There are always those who say to my face, "I always heard your conferences (books, blog) were so wonderful, but this didn't seem like anything special to me. I have heard it all before."

Those remarks stick with me a long time and yes, every year I am tempted to quit.

Not just because of their statements, but because in my heart, I know I am flawed.

Eventually, my sweet husband, Clay, said, "If we keep giving surveys to people, Sally will just quit this ministry all together, because it just takes one negative comment to convince her we should stop hosting conferences.'

How wise he was. We are a mom and pop ministry. We can't afford a large staff or spend a lot of money on decorations or expensive equipment or have lots of amenities at our conferences. We make mistakes all the time. Sometimes, when they were young, our children misbehaved in front of people! We depend on volunteers to help us. Invariably, something will go wrong. Sometimes I blow it when I speak, the food is occasionally more like a Weight Watcher meal than the wonderful $30 meal we expected, registration will take longer than we'd like.

No matter how much effort we put into the conferences, we could always improve. This year, after Colorado, I realized that the hotel had never put the decorations on the table and I let it really bug me and make me feel bad.

And then there is this blog. I really need to do more with it. I want to take cool photos and download amazing images that are more contemporary. But then, it is usually midnight when I write and I just am not willing to do what it takes to find a great photo at this late hour.

We are none of us as good as we would like to be, but blessed, happy,  is the person who is content with herself, faults and all.

Focussing on our critics' accusations is really a silly waste of time.

We do still have lots of "rice is too spicy people" and I know that I cannot please everyone--I am just a normal mom, trying my best to do something that matters and work that will encourage some to seek to raise godly children. But I am not perfect and I am not God and I cannot fit everyone's expectations.

And so, I keep my mind and thoughts focussed on Him, and bring them back to that place of peace again and again. He loves me. He knows my limitations (He is mindful that I am but dust! Psalm 103) and like a good Father, still He loves me. (Even as a Father has compassion on his children ... also Psalm 103.)

If I am seeking to please Him the best I know how,  by loving, giving, serving and following, that is a task I can accomplish. He is a generous and sympathetic Father and all He wants is my heart and to show me that His love is not dependent on my behavior.

Making it through all the seasons

Now after four children, I have lived through all of their moods, accusations, critiques, and fits. We are pretty much left with kids who still love us, and even respect us, and love to be together as a family.

Somehow, in spite of all the "attitudes" and seasons of childhood, we made it to a place of making peace with all the ups and downs, as they all have now made it into adulthood.

We still have our critics outside of the walls of our home, and on internet, and in the world.

But,  I am the happiest with my children, Clay, and our closest friends, who know us and still love us. I also love being in my home, away from peering eyes, with my children who are my best friends, who have come to a point of knowing that even though none of us is perfect and never will be, we are all pretty great, because we belong to this circle of Clarksons.

So, don't pay too much attention to the critics. They will eventually go away and they are not totally objective. Their voices (and faces) though sometimes strong in your own face and ears, are just a part of journeying through this pathway of parenting and life.

But let us seek to just accept our limitations, create joy in our moments to refuel to keep going, get perspective, and seek to please the one who is always going to be on our team--our heavenly Father, whose voice is always there to encourage.

Just don't let the "rice is too spicy" people get you down!

Will We Live By Formula or Faith? Desperate, Chapter 3

 

Formulas Don't always Work, but they can sure make us feel like we are accomplishing something!

In this chapter of Desperate, we are touching the issues that so many moms talk about--if I could just find the right book or formula to answer all of my situations.  However, this search for the magic bullet can only end in frustration, as God did not design this as the answer to our questions in mothering.

Do you ever have voices in your head?

A good mom would.....fill in the blank.

My children were potty trained by 12 months, and if you were disciplined, you would do the same..

My children never whine, yours always do....

You should keep a cleaner house if you were really committed.

You are too lenient on your children, you need to spank them more.

You are too harsh with your children, and you will cause them to rebel.....

And on and on and on.

I used to hear voices and almost all of them made me feel condemned, as though I wasn't mothering the right way or doing the right things enough.

And then there were these 4 children of mine, differing in personality and different heart issues, different developmental time frames. So many issues that I just thought if I knew the right rule or had a better day timer or the right book or curriculum, I would get it right!

And then with all the letters I receive,  there are so many days I would like to be able to offer blanket advice to everyone I meet.

If you do things just so, it will all turn out all right and your children will obey happily and walk with God and never do anything wrong. Wouldn't that be dreamy?

It seems to me that there are many wisdom principles in scripture, but very, very little advice of an exact nature. God is vague on so many issues--intentionally so! He gives us great freedom to live into our own personalities, our own puzzle and to apply wisdom in our own creative ways.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying not to train your children. God very specifically gave us so much wisdom to follow and laws that would protect us and guide us--but they were few.

He tells us to speak to our children every day about Him--the great shema of scripture in Deuteronomy 6:4-9:

Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord is one! You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."

He tells us to train up our children in the way they should go. And evidently a lot of training is just talking--throughout the day according to what the issue of the moment is--at night when they go to bed and are asking questions. In the day when they are learning about work, relationships, truth. We are to have His words on our own heart and then from our heart we will teach them out of a well of wisdom that comes from what our own heart is cherishing--His words. Wisdom personalized every day, according to the need of the moment.

He gives us a commandment to teach our children; that they must honor their mother and father. He tells us in Ephesians to raise up our children in the training and instruction of the Lord.

But He does not ever say, "Spank for 45 minutes. Carry a paddle or switch in your purse to be sure you don't miss any offense or you will be responsible for their demise." (I am so grateful He doesn't correct every single sin or immature act I perform or I would just give up now!)

He doesn't say, "Quiet times are so much more effective before 7 in the morning" or "Women have no ability to teach young men." (Have you seen Proverbs 8 or 9 or read about Timothy?)

Or "You can tell a woman's spirituality by looking at whether their drawers are neat and clean on the inside." (Really? What chapter and verse is that?)

He doesn't even say "All children will learn best if they study Latin or Hebrew." (Whew!)

 I often have women who say, "How did you raise your children? What rules did you keep? Why do they love you and love the Lord and how did you teach them to trust you?"

 As far as I can tell, scripture tells us that it is faith, not works, that pleases God. (Hebrews 11:6)

Your family is your own particular puzzle. God has given you those children, that husband, that home and community, in this time. And no one else can tell you exactly what you ought to do in it! But He is faithful and He desires to help and instruct you as you walk with Him. A list of rules and regulations to follow--do things this way, every time, with every child, in every circumstance!--would only serve as a separation between you and your need to communicate and obey His personal instructions to you.

We have great freedom in Christ. Don't give it up for a yoke of slavery to any thing, any one, or any set of rules! Being a great mom is not about rules or formula--it is more like a dance--moving to the rhythms of life, listening and paying attention to the mood of the music in your children's lives and choreographing wisdom as the words to the song.

Your God is truly bigger than a rule, wilder and cannot be tamed and He wants us to walk this adventure by faith and celebrating life within the bounds of our own personalities and those of our husbands and children.

Look for His voice, not the voices of others, and you will find yourself growing in contentment, grace and even joy.

What are some of the formulas you have followed that have led to legalism?

What area do you most wish you had a formula to apply?

Do you struggle with "the voices"? How do you replace these voices with real wisdom?

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Renewing Your Habits--Experiencing God's Grace

Snow can be beautiful the first time, and the second, ...., but eventually it feels just cold and wearing!

Come February, many of us have decided resolutions are for the birds. We've already failed to eat only whole grains, or drink enough water, or exercise 30 minutes every day.

Many years ago when I had hit my own wall during a particularly draining time, I looked at my life and thought, "How am I still doing this? No one knows how hard my life is. I'm still waiting for answers to prayer, for changes in other people in areas where they rub too hard against my ideals and desires, for my life to get a little easier. I have friends who are leaving their ideals because they're just worn out. Can I go on?"

I didn't want to just get to heaven with my hair flying every which way, nostrils flaring, gasping out, "Well, I made it! Barely, but I made it!" and then collapse just over the finish line!

As I sat on the bench that day, a sudden movement caught my eye. In the center of the square where I was reflecting, a young boy was dancing. His head was back, arms spread, and he was twirling in utter abandon. The look on his face was priceless--he was so full of joy! Unaware of anyone else, he danced among the falling leaves, perfectly happy.

Then I heard the Lord speak to my heart and say, "That's what I want for you. I want you to be like a child. I don't want you to bear the burdens of your life. I want you to live a life of joy."

So the question becomes, what do we need to do, so we won't lose our ideals--so we won't arrive gasping at the gates of heaven?

Godliness,wisdom, graciousness, joy ... these are qualities we want to have, and they don't happen by accident! They must be cultivated intentionally. We must develop habits that will help us build a foundation in our own lives to receive and experience and pass along His grace in our lives.

How do we experience God's gracious heart? His grace flows from channels He created us to experience! But we must make time for His provision and priorities if we are too busy following the world's dictates.

Some of the most necessary habits for us to have are these that determine how we live and invest for life each day, because they help us to live and finish well. Here are just a few of the habits I have found to be most important.

The habit of rest

We see one such habit displayed and modeled for us very early on in the Bible--so early, it happened in the very first week of time!--that of a Sabbath rest.

God intends for us to stop and rest. Contrary to all the commercials for this and that product made to help you keep going despite your cold, your exhaustion or your depression, the truth is that God understands and wants us to sometimes take a break from all the activity happening around us. The Hebrews were given a law about setting one day a week aside for rest; they were forbidden to do work of any kind. Jesus told us that that Sabbath rest was made for us--not to impose another burden but rather as a rhythm of life that would encourage us to rest.

In our home, we decided to be very intentional about making every Sunday a special day of rest and fun. Sunday breakfast feast and coffee and community. We have a delectable treat for teatime. Board games come out, mystery series to watch, going out with friends to a local cafe at night,  glorious naps, and we have lively conversations where nothing serious or stressful is allowed! Resting from worry and strife and work helps us meet Mondays with renewed strength!

An important part of rest is making time for soul recreation--no blog articles, no cleaning, no bill paying--just some time every week that is a break, fun, enjoyable to fill your soul. I love movies, books, walks--(walking anywhere in nature soothes my soul), tea time with a friend (or coffee), trips and adventures, time to just sit-and not feel guilty for sitting.

I think sometimes we stay busy because we are insecure. The voices in our heads tell us we are supposed to do all that our friends are doing, even if it leaves us in a frenzy. We have developed the idea that if we stop--if we don't meet the needs of everyone around us, every second of the day--if we don't answer the phone and take that position at church and and and --the world will stop on its axis, and somehow we will be disappointing God.

Busyness does not equal productivity,  accomplishment, or excellence.

Pacing ourselves, through regular rest and intentional inactivity, insures that we will have the strength to finish our course and hold on to ideals. Burn-out is a real issue amongst many women I know because they have not learned to rest and to have a break. And the funny thing is, often when we are burning out, we blame it on God, who would have had us rest all along!

Surely, I have composed and quieted my soul;

Like a weaned child rests against his mother,

My soul is like a weaned child within me." ~Psalm 131:2

The habit of time in God's Word

You can't be spiritually deep if you never take time to interact with the spirit of God. The more you spend time with God, the more like God you will be.

Peace is a fruit of the Spirit. Yet, peace is only possible if we have been in the presence of God long enough to see our lives from His perspective and to rest in His will and ability to provide what we need. We cannot provide peace by our works and by trying to fill our own needs. We run around in circles when we do not have God's perspective, priority and direction.

I think many people think they can't spend time with God correctly (whatever that means!) because they just can't find time in their days for an hour of concentrated time. Yet even a few minutes at a time adds up! Just as walking a little further through the parking lot on your way to the store, just a few minutes on the treadmill, one more glass of water--all add up to help you toward health, we can also take moments of our day and offer them to God and they will add up! God doesn't just sit near our armchair from 5-6am every morning waiting to meet with us and then shake His head, disappointed, and go on to run the universe! He is always there and He loves to meet us in our moments.

Just as a father has compassion on his children, So the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him. For He Himself knows our frame; He is mindful that we are but dust." ~ Psalm 103:13-14

The enemy would like to destroy every woman of ideals, because each of us has the potential to change history as we persevere.

There are so many other habits-- fellowship, prayer, gratitude, initiating friendship-- that can help you better know and experience God's grace in your life. I discussed them at the 2010 MomHeart conference, and you can listen to that very talk to hear them all! You can find it here as an instant download for only $2.99: Renewing Your Habits.

I pray that you will join me in determining to draw near to the heart of God, who loves us and gave Himself for us, who paints beautiful sunsets and fed multitudes and loved children and created music, that you too will develop habits to help you experience His grace and love and pass them along to everyone around you.

Making the Best of Your Own Marriage Story as you Celebrate Life

 

“Above all, be fervent in your love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sin.” ~ 1 Peter 1:8

Most marriages start out with at least some idealism and romantic expectation. Mine was no different. Clay won me with bouquets of yellow rose (I was his yellow rose of Texas), romantic cards, and lots of dinners out.

And then there was life---17 moves, 6 internationally; four children and three miscarriages,  morning sickness all nine months of every pregnancy, near-death from blood loss during one miscarriage after which I had to be in bed for 2 months... yes, life. We have had deaths of family members, car wrecks, financial challenges, illness, a fire in our home as well as three floods, church splits, relative problems, ministry problems, and lots and lots of stress.

Nothing quite prepared me, as a very immature, untrained young woman, to know how to bear all of the stresses we would face just by being a family.

And yet, I had been taught to seek God’s word, to pray and to obey and live in wisdom. Early on, I learned that my marriage was a place of worship where I could either seek to bring God’s love, healing and grace every day because of my love for Him, or I could just live as a hypocrite and say that I was committed to God and would serve Him---except in marriage, because that was just asking too much! 

I think there is a point when godly women have to say, “This is the reality of the puzzle I had been given in my life and in my marriage. I can either live and bring light, life, beauty and redemption into the situation and to this husband—with all of his flaws and all of my warts, and decide to show God’s reality in the midst, or I can live in disappointment"—because the reality in a fallen world is that there will always be stress and sin.

All children long to see their moms and dads love each other and be partners in life. The reality is that all marriages are filled with potential challenges and difficulty. Yet, how a woman responds to those difficulties within her marriage will determine if it is a place where the light and beauty of God’s love will be shown.

"Love covers a multitude of sin." " Love is a perfect bond of unity." " They will know you are My disciples by your love for one another." All of these verses apply to marriage as well as to all relationships of life.

As Clay and I have cultivated this kind of grace-giving love, it has bloomed in the hearts of our children. They know we are not perfect, but they believe in a strong love that is the oxygen of commitment and the way we live in our home. All of our children feel that we are a part of a community of love because they have been drawn through all the seasons by getting back to the center: loving actively, using words of life and sowing the seeds of kindness.

But the foundations of strength and longevity start with a commitment in the heart. Am I willing to accept this story, this husband, these children, and cultivate His story through our lives, today, just as we are? When I accept our limitations and lean into our story with grace and love, our life story becomes a love story worth telling to generations to come. God joins our commitment and sprinkles His grace and goodness on it, and our acceptance of life along with His grace becomes a miracle of His working that our children will cherish their whole lives.

Going on 33 years--a story of adventure to tell.

Glad to be part of 14 Days of Fulfilling Your Vows! Click to find more stories of marriage as well as some wonderful giveaways!

Also, don't miss SarahMae discussing Chapter Two of Desperate for our online book club!!! 

Way Number 1: Cultivating a Sense of Sacredness in your Heart

Moses at the Burning Bush by Pluchart

24 Family Ways #1

"We love and obey our Lord, Jesus Christ, with wholehearted devotion."

Memory verse: "And He said to them, 'You shall love the Lord your God with all of your heart and with all of your soul and with all of your mind.' This is the great and foremost commandment." Matt. 22:37-38

In order to train in a heart attitude for the meaning of this way and for this verse, our children must be taught to value honor, respect, holiness.

Most every time I read a story about someone who saw the glory of God, they bow down in fear, in reverence, hiding their eyes from the glory of God because it is so wonderful and great. The starting point for any real training in the hearts of our children must be God, Himself.

All that used to be sacred--human life, the elderly, churches and burial grounds, people in position of authority and accomplishment, parents, marriage, teachers, public figures--all of these are devalued, torn apart, ridiculed and devalued in contemporary culture.

However, in a time in history where very little is sacred or holy, we must seek diligently to create not just knowledge of what the word holy means, but to place tangible practices in our lives where our children learn and understand that some things are sacred and set apart and deserve our reverence and worship.

Traditions were created to picture truth, beauty and meaning of life throughout church history in the past. When we give up all vestiges of tradition, we have given up much that would picture to the mind and heart of a child of what reverence and holiness looks like. We have demolished the value of what is sacred in a world where everything is valued for being cheap.

If we do not have visual, and actual habits and practice in the moments of our lives for things that are special and holy, our children will not understand the glory, the vastness, the need to bow our knee before a Holy, Magnificent, Omnipotent God.

Recently, I attend a funeral of a very special young friend who had died. I was a little surprised that many of the women my age wore jeans, few wore black. There was nothing in the dress of the people who attended that said, "This is an occasion for showing respect to the wonderful person who died here."

I am a contemporary woman and do not judge people, in general, by their clothing or outward appearance. But as I pondered this, I realized that in our culture, we have pretty much lost a sense and a practice of showing our children the attitude of respect and self-control and reverence.

Most of our churches are places where there is casual dress, talking and chattering, informal behavior, so much so that the behavior and jokes told and manners of most people could not be differentiated from the behavior they would display at a restaurant or in any other casual place.

We make fun of our Presidents and leaders and feel no guilt or twinge of conscience for voicing every sort of opinion on facebook. We criticize our preachers and leaders. In the name of "freedom" we excuse any kind of behavior and speech conduct, with no sense of propriety or restraint.

If there is nothing sacred in our lives, then how do we hope to pass on a sense of awe, Godly fear and respect to our children?

Consequently, as we begin the training of our little children's hearts and souls, we must figure out how to convey to them that life is not about us. Our lives are about pleasing, serving, loving, worshipping and living for the very one who is the Lord of the universe, the creator of the world, the King forever, God the Father, the Holy Spirit and the Lord Jesus Christ.

To implement this properly, we must seek to define for ourselves and our family, what will be sacred in our family? How will we display and teach respect to our children so that they will understand, when they are older, how to respect and revere our God and to live before Him with awe and with fear and trembling in respect of who He is.

One of the ways we implemented a sense of reverence and holiness in the lives of our children was teaching them that there were places to use "quiet voices, and respectful hearts"--like in church, at concerts, at funerals, at graduations, at recitals. Cell phones are definitely prohibited in these places. Before we went into these places, we would talk to our children about it ahead of time ...

"This is a wonderful place to be still and to think about God and to listen to His voice. When we go into church, please show respect by not running, not fussing; try to be still during this ceremony or church service," etc.

I am not talking about following my ideas or some kind of a rule, but you must establish some sacred things-- holy places, places for reverence in the moments and hours of your life, so that your children can learn the meaning of "Reverence for a Holy God."

Serving a holy God, living for his glory.

If this is not built into the warp and woof of your life, then when it comes to adulthood and worshipping and reverencing God, there will be no pattern, no practiced understanding of what it means to love and obey our Lord with wholehearted devotion.

Our children will learn the words of this family way, but they also need to live the reality of our devotion and respect in order for the words to have meaning.

How have you instilled reverence and devotion to our Holy God in your lives?

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